03x01 - Surprise

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ It's a beautiful day ♪

♪ When you're in it ♪

♪ It's a beautiful world ♪

♪ When you all live in it ♪

♪ It's a beautiful thing ♪
[scooter horn honks]

♪ That we share because ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ Trust me, I'll always be ♪

♪ Your best friend ♪

♪ Trust me, I'll always be ♪

♪ Your best friend ♪
- Oh, my God!

I cannot believe this school.

This place is sick.

- Did I tell you?
- Yeah.

But, I mean, how do you get
any work done here?

I feel like we're on vacation.

- Well, you know,
after a while, you kind of get--

[overlapping arguing]

- Sixth grade, seventh grade.
- You know what?

- Eighth grade--
- I got something for you--

- Eighth grade--
- I don't care--

- You know what?
I don't care if you care.

- Hey!
- I care, and I had--

- Hey, I got to handle--
You just--

I'll meet you back
at your dorm.

Hey!
- Eighth grade--

- I don't care!
You're not doing it this year!

- No. I got it last year.
I got it the year before.

- That's the whole point!
[overlapping shouting]

- Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on.

We're not even two hours
into the new school year,

and you guys are already
about to k*ll each other?

- No. I'm about
to k*ll him, though.

- Oh, I'm standing here.

- You know what?
- You want some?

- Hey!
- Go. Come on.

I'll show you.
- Wait! Stop it.

- Just tell him
that I get to--

- Time-out.
- What?

- I'm giving you a time-out.
Now go sit on that rock.

- I am not going to go sit--
- The rock!

- Now, what up?

- I want the single bed
this year.

- I get the single bed.

- You're still on time-out.
- No. But just tell him

that I get the single bed,
like I always do.

- That's the point, man.
It's my turn, okay?

It's Michael's time.
- All right, listen.

May I suggest something please?
both: What?

- Look, you guys
both want the single bed, right?

So why don't we just say
that whoever gets there first

gets the bed?
Fair enough?

- I guess so.
- Fine.

- Okay, good.

Now, look, the important thing

to remember here is--

- Oh--
- What--

- Get off of me!

You landed on my stuff.

♪ ♪

- No! It's mine!

- No way!
- Yes!

- I got this!
- Yes way!

♪ ♪

[scooter horn honks]

- Dustin, hey.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- How's it going?

- We're going to the beach.

You want to come hang?
- Uh...

I do.
But I promised my sister

I'd help her unpack and stuff.

- Sorry.

- You guys.
Are you coming or what?

- Are you sure
you don't want to come?

- Bye, Zo!

- Dustin?

[scooter horn honks]

- Zoey.
- Chase.

- Hey, I can't talk now.

I have to b*at Michael and Logan
to the--

Oh! Uhh! Ohh...

- What's up, Zoey?
- Hey, Zoey.

- Hey, Lo--Mi...chael.

- Move!
- Pardon me.

- Logan!

- What is going on?
- See?

Whoever gets first--the bed--

I'll explain later.

- Good talking to you.

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

- Okay. I love the shoes,

but the outfit
is way too rectangular.

- Zoey!

- Hey!
- Hi!

- Oh!

Oops, sorry.
[smooches]

When did you get here?
How cool is our new dorm?

- It's awesome. I love the--
- Help me get my mattress

up on the bed.
- Okay.

- [sighs] There.
And now I shall make it.

- You sure you don't want
the single bed?

- No!
I've always wanted the top bunk

ever since I was a kid, but my
little sister always got it.

And then last year when I came
to PCA, Nicole wanted it.

So this year, I made sure
I got here extra early

before Nicole shows up,
and starts--

- Actually, I, uh,
have something to tell you.

- Nicole's not coming back
to PCA?

- I didn't say that.

I said she's going to be away
for a while.

- Why? What happened?

- Well, during the summer--
- Yeah?

- Her mom got worried
about her,

so she took her
to a psychologist--

- And?

- Nicole was diagnosed

with obsessive
male gender disorder.

- Which means?

- She's boy crazy.

- Well, we all knew that.
So where is she now?

- They put her
in an all-girl school.

- Oh, my God.

Nicole, in an all-girl school?

She's going to lose her mind.

- Hey, you guys got to see
the new lounge.

There's a new Blitz machine
with five different flavors.

- New flavors?
- Come on!

- Aah!

♪ ♪

- Yes!

Ha.
The single bed is mine!

- What are you doing
in our room?

- What do you mean?

I'm in 148 Maxwell Hall.

- This is Dillard Hall.

- Ah!

Ow!

♪ ♪

Thanks a lot!

- Wrong dorm.
LOL!

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Maxwell Hall.

The yellow thing.

Why fight me?

Come on.
Maxwell Hall.

Maxwell Hall.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

[indistinct arguing]

- Hey, Quinn's here.
Come on.

- I don't care
how hard you worked

on the dorm assignments--
you made a mistake.

- Wait! Guys!
- Girls.

- Hello!
- You made a mistake.

- You're not listening to me.

- Guys!
What's the problem?

- The problem
is our dorm adviser.

- Yeah, I'm the problem.

- You put me in room 36 D!
- So?

- There is no room 36 D!

- Listen, I think I know
what rooms...

Wait.
You may be right.

- When am I not right?
- Yeah. Okay.

I know what happened here.
See, a few nights ago

when I was doing
the room assignments,

I ordered a bra online,
and, yeah.

I must have put 36 D down
as your room number by mistake.

What's that, the piña colada?

- Yeah, I--
- Give it.

Mmm.

- Well?
- Excellent.

It is, like, the perfect blend
of pineapple and--

- I'd like a room to live in.

- Relax.

You can, uh, room with Zoey
and Lola for a few months.

- What about Nicole?
- Oh, she won't be back

until she's cured of her
obsessive male gender disorder.

- OMGD?

- It's a long story.

- So you guys don't mind
if Quinn bunks with you

for a while, right?

- No.

We wouldn't mind.

Much.

- Okay.
Then I guess I'll room

with Zoey and Lola for a while.

Uh--

Can I borrow your keys

so I can start putting
my stuff in?

See you in a few!

Roomies!
[giggles]

- At least now I know
why this bra doesn't fit.

- She took my drink.

♪ ♪

- [groaning]

MICHAEL: No, I don't play that.
LOGAN: There's no way!

- Logan, look,
my bag is on the floor.

- [grunting, groaning]

LOGAN:
I was here first.

- Hey! Hey!

No more!

I have run
all over this freakish campus

with 90 pounds of stuff.

And I'm about to start
coughing up blood.

So if you guys can be quiet
for 10 seconds,

I'd appreciate it.

- You said, whoever gets
to the single bed first gets it.

- Yeah, so I get it.

- I b*at you here
by a 10th of a second.

- Look, I'm about to b*at you
in a 10th of a second.

- If you guys got here

within the same second,
you're going to have to

find some other way to decide
who gets the single bed.

- Okay.
- Good.

- Let's go.
- I'm right behind you.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.
You gonna be behind me.

- I'm the man.

- Oh, you're the man, right?

All right,
we'll see about that.

Did you tell Zoey yet?

- Not yet.

- When are you going
to tell her?

- Soon.
- You better.

- I'm going to tell her.
- All right.

- Tell who what?
- You, that you're annoying.

Get out the way.
- Oh, I'm annoying?

I'll show you who's annoying.

- Who's annoying?
- Your mom's annoying.

You know what? You're annoying!
- I don't really care about her.

- That's a low blow, man.
That's a low blow.

- ♪ Can't slow down ♪

♪ And I sure can't stop ♪

♪ Got me working overtime ♪

- Um, Quinn?
- Yeah?

- Listen, since we're going to
be living together for a while,

maybe we should go
over a few, you know, rules.

- Uh, yeah, like...

no poison chemicals.

- No nuclear experiments.

- No genetic mutations.

- No cloning us
without our permission.

- And, um...

no that.

- Whatever that is.

- [scoffs] Jeez, are we going
to have any fun?

[knocking]

- Knocking.
Entering.

- Chase.

- Whoa!

And no hug from Zoey?

- I tried to hug you,
like, an hour ago,

but you fell down,
then ran away.

- This is true.

What's with all the, uh, items?

- Um, Quinn's going to be
our new roommate for a while.

- Uh-oh.

Oh!

How--how nice for all of you.

- Does he know about Nicole?

- Yeah, I heard.

OMGD.
- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

- What the--

[insects buzzing]

What is this?

- My bee sanctuary.

- Why?

- I like to put fresh honey
on my biscuits.

Is that so weird?

- Uh--
- Be quiet.

- So, um, listen, Zo,

you got a minute to talk?

- Sure, talk.
- Um...privately?

- Oh, uh, yeah,
but can we do it later?

I really want to get
all this stuff put away.

- Yeah, absolutely.

I'm just going to set this down.

Try to get the image of it
out of my brain forever.

- Oh, come on, that's just a--

- Don't want to know.

Anyway, you guys have fun.

- Bye, Chase.
- Bye, Chase.

- See you later.
- Ciao.

- I wonder what he wants
to tell me.

- Gee, I wonder.

- Yes, whatever could it be?

- Okay...[sniffs] does it smell
really sarcastic in here?

- Well, I mean, come on,
it's so obvious.

- What's obvious?

- Why Chase wants to talk
to you alone.

- Then I guess it's obvious
to everyone but me.

- Bingo!
- Ding, ding, ding.

- Okay, what?

- Chase wants to tell you
he's in love with you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- In love with me?

- Yes!
- Completely.

- Head over heels.

- Uvula over pancreas.

Head over heels.

- In love with me?

Chase?

- No, me.

Marry me, Zoey.
Please be my wife.

- Chase is not in love with me.

He and I are just friends,

fa-riends.

- And you are fa-crazy.

- How long have you two
thought this?

- Us two?
- Everyone thinks it.

- No, they don't.

- [sighs]

Uh, Jeanie, come here.
- What's up?

- Blank is in love with Zoey.

Fill in the blank.
- Chase.

- Thanks for playing.

- You know, it really gets
on my nerves

that a guy and a girl
can't be close friends

without everyone thinking
there's more to it.

- Oh, grow up, Zoey.
- Yeah, there is more to it.

- Okay, okay,
if everyone's thought that Chase

is in love with me for so long,

why didn't you guys say so
a year ago?

- We were waiting for you
to catch on.

- [scoffs] No one thought you
could be so clueless

for so long.

No offense.

- Some taken.

[both groan]

- Now she's mad at us.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I'm mad, and Chase
is not in love with me.

- Where are you going?
- To get some lunch.

- What about us?

- Eat this.

- You know,
we actually could eat--

- No!

[scooter horn honks]

♪ ♪

- ♪ It's pretty hot ♪

♪ ♪

- Okay...

whoever eats
the most hot peppers in one hour

gets the single bed.

- Push the button.

Let's go.

- Go.

- ♪ Oh ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It's really hot ♪

♪ ♪

- These aren't even that hot.

- I wish they were hotter.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- [sniffs, coughs]

♪ ♪

- Your javaccino.
- Thanks.

Straw?

Ew.

- I wash behind my ears
every other month.

- [chuckles]

- So you spent most of
your summer being a lifeguard?

- Mm-hmm.
- Fun?

- Mostly.

Mm, except for one Thursday
when this old lady

fell in the deep end,
almost drowned.

- Wow.

You pull her out?
- Yeah.

I had to give her
mouth-to-mouth.

- So how'd that go?

- She bit my tongue.

- But it all turned out okay?

- Yeah, she was fine.

- I meant your tongue.

- I don't know.
Do I have a scar?

- Hmm.

I don't think so, but--

- What?
- You have a tiny tongue.

[both laugh]
- All right, we're not going to

sit here and make fun
of my tongue.

- Please?
- No.

So what'd you want to talk
to me about?

- All right, well, um,
actually--

[Logan and Michael shouting]

[both groaning]

[both gasping]

- [exhaling sharply]
- Hot...

hot peppers.

- So, so hot.

- Okay, why did you guys eat
hot peppers?

- [slurring]
Because...

to see which of us...

single bed.

- They were trying to see
who would get the single bed.

- Ah. So who won?

- Nobody.

- It was--it was a tie.

- Well, maybe you guys
should try boxing.

- Boxing's cool with me.

- Cool.

Let's--let's box.

- Sometimes I wish
I didn't have roommates.

- I hear you.
All day so far--

[cell phone ringing]

One sec.

Hello?

- Zoey, you have to...
- Lola?

- Get back here, quick.

- Will you just--
- I accidentally knocked over

Quinn's bee habitat...
- Lola, hang on.

Okay, I'll be right there.
- Hurry!

- What now?

- I don't know,
but I better get there.

We'll talk later.

- Good luck.

[Lola screaming]

- Come here, stupid bees.

[bees buzzing]

- Stop screaming!

- Okay, why did you call me
all freaked--

[Lola screaming]

- Oh, calm down.

There's only a 20% chance
they'll sting you.

- Why are the bees out?

- Lola knocked over
my bee sanctuary.

- It was an accident!

- Will you get them out of here?

- I'm trying.

[Lola screaming]

♪ ♪

- Okay.

So whoever knocks
the other one down

for a total of 10 seconds
gets the single bed.

- Right.

- So which side do you want--

Oh, so that's how it is.

All right.
- Yeah.

- I think you broke my jaw, man.

- Seriously?
- No.

- ♪ Can't stop the rain
from falling ♪

♪ From her eyes ♪

- Excellent.
Where'd you learn to--

- ♪ Can't stop the rain
from falling ♪

♪ From her eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause every hello
opens up a good-bye ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can't stop the world
from turning ♪

[Lola screaming]

[bees buzzing]

- What's going on in here?

What are those, bees?
- Yes!

- Hey. Hey.

One's on me!

- They're attracted
to your food.

Drop the ravioli.
- No!

Let me in there.
Open the door.

ZOEY: No way.

- Zoey!

ZOEY: I'm not opening this door.

- Let me in there!

[Lola screaming]

- Oh!

Let me in there!
Open the door.

♪ ♪

- Thanks.

[Logan and Michael grunting,
groaning]

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

What are you doing?

- Having...

a contest...

to see...

- Who gets...

the single bed.

- Why don't you just
flip a coin?

- [breathing heavily]

- You good with that?
- Yeah, I'm good.

- Okay, whoever wins
gets the single bed.

Call it, Michael.

- Tails.

- Tails.

Congratulations.

- [laughs]
Yes!

[laughs]
♪ I get the single bed ♪

♪ I get the single bed ♪

♪ I get the single bed ♪
[laughs]

- Sweet dreams.

- Let me in there!
[Lola screaming]

- Open the door!

- Yeah, I don't think so.

- Zoey.

[Lola continues screaming]

- Drop the ravioli,
and they'll leave you alone!

- Don't tell me what to do!

[Lola continues screaming]

- [screaming]

- The bees are gone.
You can come out.

- Where they'd go?

- They chased Coco
out of the building.

[Coco screaming]

♪ ♪

[scooter horn honks]

- [grunting]

- Wow, she really likes
ravioli.

- Ew.

[Zoey sighs]

- So?
- So?

- Don't play games.

- What did Chase want
to tell you?

- Did he say
he's in love with you?

- Stop.

- He did.
- [screaming]

- He didn't, and he's not.

- He said he's not.

- He didn't say anything.

- When are you going to let
Chase tell you

he's in love with you?

- Now would be a good time.

- Chase is not in love with me.

- Okay, he is not in love
with you.

- Thank you.

[sighs]

- But he is.
- So in love.

- Okay, that's it.
- What's it?

- You guys are so sure
Chase is in love with me,

I'm going to go ask him.

- No!
- You can't ask a guy

if he's in love with you.

- You have to let him tell you
when he's ready.

- No, I'm going to go ask him
right now, point-blank.

- [gasps]

- This is so wrong of her.

- I know. I love it.

- Me too.

♪ ♪

[Coco screaming]

[continues screaming]

- Chase, I got to--

Uh...

I-I'm sorry.

- Z-Zoey, this is--
this is Rebecca...

my girlfriend.

- Nice to meet you.

- ♪ Why do I try so hard ♪

♪ To be ♪

♪ Everything to you ♪

♪ That you just ♪

♪ Might possibly need? ♪

♪ Why do I try so hard ♪

♪ To say ♪

[bell dings]

MAN: Mmm.

QUINN: I love it.
LOLA: Me too.