04x01 - Trading Places

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

LOLA: Previously on
Zoey 101...

- My parents are here!
- We have a little news.

- I'm helping my company
open up a new London office.

- England?
- Do you wanna come with us?

- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna go ask Chase.

- So what do you think
about Zoey?

- What about her?
- Leaving PCA?

Zoey didn't tell you?

- No, she didn't.

GIRL: You're leaving PCA?

ZOEY: I told my parents
I'm gonna go.

MICHAEL:
If you had said don't go,

she'd still be here!

- Oh, God.

QUINN: At 3:15,
just click on "connect"

right here.
- Awesome.

[computer chirps]
Zoey?

- How could you
not tell me good-bye?

- I'm so sorry.

- I'm staying here.

- Aah!
[both grunting]

- Chase, Chase, Chase!

It's okay
that you miss Zoey.

- I don't miss Zoey.

MICHAEL:
We know you miss Zoey, man.

CHASE:
I don't just miss her.

I'm in love with her.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- That's 26 to nothing.

- Yay, you.
- Congratulations.

- Okay, look out now.

Are you two gonna even try
to stop me?

- We told you
we didn't wanna play.

- What do you want us to do?

- Guard me.
- Fine.

- Try to stop him from scoring.

- Ready?

Here I come.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Foul! Foul! Foul!

What is wrong with you people?

- You said we should try.

- Not to k*ll me.

- Let's forget this.
- Yeah.

Let's go get some of those
meatless tacos.

- Yes!

- Those boys are obsessed
with meatless tacos.

- Not me. Who knows what
that fake meat's made of?

- I do.

- Oh, come on, there's no way

you can make mothballs
taste like--

- What's wrong?

♪ ♪

Why'd you just--
- Look over there!

- No way!

- Zoey!

QUINN: Zoey!
LOLA: Zoey!

- Zoey! Zoey!
- Zoey!

- Hey!

- Hi!

- Oh, my God, girl,
what are you doing here?

- I came back.
- Are you like just visiting?

- Do all those gigantic bags
look like I'm just visiting?

[Lola and Quinn screaming]

Okay, okay,
a girl's gotta breathe.

- Sorry!
- We're just freaking out!

- I know. Me too.

Now, come on.
I gotta tell you guys something.

- Oh, we already know
about the meatless tacos.

- Meatless tac--
- Forget her! Come on!

[girls shrieking]

- Come on!

LOLA: We're really
gonna miss you, Stacey.

- Oh.
- Don't be a stranger.

- You sure you don't mind
moving out?

- Don't be silly.
This was your room first.

I'll just go talk to Coco
and get reassigned.

- You do that.
- Have fun.

- Thanks, and listen,
just 'cause I'm moving out

doesn't mean we all still
can't be soul sisters.

My mobile number
is 767-SWA--

Well, I don't see
how they can call.

They didn't get
the rest of the numbers.

- So what do you wanna tell us?

- Hurry!
Our lives are boring!

- Okay. You guys wanna know
why I left England

and came back to PCA?

Sit down.

[music blaring,
helicopter rotors whirring]

- That's so cool!
- Isn't it?

- Make it go up and down!

- Okay!

♪ ♪

MICHAEL: [gasps]

Look at that!

- [exhales]
This is kinda big.

- Oh, my God, did you lose
that turquoise top

with the spaghetti straps
that I lent you?

- No.
- Let her talk. Talk.

ZOEY: Okay.

A few weeks ago,
somebody

left their webcam on...
by accident.

- Okay?
- Yeah?

- And I kinda
overheard something

I wasn't supposed to hear.

- Oh, no. You heard me
talk about how my Aunt Jenny

sticks those gel packs
in her bra.

- Those are gel packs?
- Can you believe it?

- They look so real.
- I know, but they're just like

plastic pouches
filled with pudding.

- Hey!

It was Chase.

He was talking to Michael
and Logan.

- How long can you make it hover
like that?

- About three more hours.

- Sweet!
[laughs]

How great are these
meatless tacos?

- And what did Chase say?

- That he's in love with me.

- Well, finally.

- Wait.
You heard him say it?

- Oh, yeah.

- "Love" or "in love"?

- "In."
Very clearly, "in."

- Wow.
- And he doesn't know

you heard this?
- Nope.

- Okay, this is interesting.

- Uh, yeah.
I gotta go talk to him.

- [gasps]

- Wait, don't!
- Yeah, not yet.

- I have to tell him I know.

- Yes.
- You do.

- But not now.
- Oh, no, not now.

- Why not?

- Uh, 'cause...
you just got here.

- You haven't seen the new sink
in the bathroom.

- Made of porcelain.

- You guys,
I gotta go talk to Chase.

- We gotta call the guys!

- Where's the phone?
- Oh!

- You see it?
It's not here.

- I got it!
- Dial it!

- [laughing]

[phone ringing]

- They're not answering.

We have to get to Logan
and Michael before Zoey does.

- She's probably already
halfway there!

- But what do we do?
- I--

Give me that.

[dialing]

[cell phone ringing]

- Del Figgalo.

- Mark.
MARK: Oh, hey, Quinn.

You know, my eyes
are still bugging me?

- Hush!
Zoey's on her way

to Michael and Logan's room!

- Uh, Zoey's in England.

- No, she left England!
She's back at PCA!

- Just do what you're told.

- Find Zoey and stall her.

- Stall her how?

- It doesn't matter!

- Uh, just keep her busy!

Come on, we gotta get to
the guys' dorm before Zoey does.

- Zoey!
Hey. Hey, Zoey.

- Oh, hey, Mark.

- You're back.
- I'm back.

- Yep. Um...

That's a nice shirt.

You get that in England?

- No, I got it before I left.

- Oh.

Thought maybe
it was from England.

- Nope.
Well, I really gotta go.

- Wait.

- Yeah?

- Uh...

Look at that rock.

- What?

- Come on, Lola!

You're going too slow!

Get out of my way!
- Run!

- Run! Come on!

- You see, they don't
have rocks like this

east of the Mississippi,

except for in Florida.

So if you're looking for a rock
like this one,

you'd have to look
west of the Mississippi

or in Florida.

- Okay.
Well, bye.

- Wait.

- What?

- Nyah!
- Aah!

- Del Figgalo, are you insane?

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- You have to be really skilled
to do that.

- I know!

QUINN: What is that?

- Helicopter!
- Meatless taco!

[laughing]

[engine revving]

[crash]

- That helicopter

cost $4,000.

- Zoey's back!
- What about Zoey's back?

- No. She's back!
- Here!

- At PCA!

- Uh-oh.
- Ooh.

- Yeah.
- And she's on her way here

to talk to Chase.

- Well, what are we
supposed to--

- [gasps] Hey.
- Mark?

- You're supposed to be
stalling Zoey.

- I did as long as I could,

but I ran out of stuff to say.

- So what happened?

- I pushed her into a bush.

- Yeah, good call dating him.

- What are we gonna do
about Zoey?

- Just tell her.
- I'm not telling her.

LOGAN: You're her roommates.

You guys tell her.
- No way.

- Come on,
let's get out of here.

- Hey, no, you don't!
- Get back here, girls!

- Hey, get back here!
- You're staying right here!

- No. No. Stop it!
- You're gonna be here

when Zoey gets here!
- Let go of me, Logan!

- I'm not letting go of you!
- Hey!

[knock on door,
all shouting]

[shouting stops abruptly]

[knock on door]

♪ ♪

[knock on door]

♪ ♪

- Hi.

- Hey, you must be
Zoey's roommate, um...

- Tabitha.
- Right, right.

[knock on door]

[knock on door]

- Zoey!

- You're back!
- Yeah.

You guys know why
Mark Del Figgalo

would shove me into a bush?

[forced, nervous laughter]

- Well, he--you know?

- Chase isn't here!

- Wait.
You just mean

Zoey's not here in her room.

- Um, well,

actually...

- Well, if he's not here,
where is he?

- Zoey transferred
back to PCA?

- Chase moved to England?

[upbeat music]

- I just don't get it.
I don't get this at all.

Why would--

Will you guys get out here?

- We didn't wanna be the one
to tell you Chase is gone.

- Well, what happened?

MICHAEL: Okay.

He realized he was wrong
to tell you to move to London.

- Yeah, yeah. That part I know.
We talked about that.

- But you said
you wouldn't come back.

- Yeah, but that was
before Zoey knew Chase was--

- Hey!

So then what happened?

- He wanted to be with you.

- So he talked his parents

into letting him
transfer to Covington.

- Oh, my God!
He went to England?

- This is so tragic.

- But kinda sweet.

- Tragic!
- Okay, tragic.

[computer ringing]

MICHAEL: It's Froboy21.

- That's Chase.

- He's requesting a video chat.

- Everybody out.

[door opens]

- Meatless taco.

- One sec!
- Wait!

- What are you doing?

- You've got bush in your hair.

- Out!

[sighs]

[computer whirs]

- Michael, Zoey left England!

She went back to--

- Hey.

- Zoey.

So...
you're back at PCA.

- Uh-huh.

And you're in England,
at Covington?

- Uh, yep.

- Why'd you go there?

- Because you wouldn't go there,

to PCA.

Or I thought
you wouldn't go there,

which clearly you did.

Why did you?

- I missed you.

- I missed you too.

- And, um...

I, uh, kinda overheard

you say something.

- What do you mean?

- Well, a few weeks ago,

when I was there

and you were here...

- Yeah?

- I guess you
or Michael or Logan

left your video chat on...

- Okay.

- And I heard you
say something.

- Um, could you be
more specific?

- I heard you say
you're in love with me.

- Oh.

That's, uh...

pretty specific.

- Uh-huh.

- And that's why
you went back to PCA?

- That's why.

- Um, can you just hold
for one sec?

- Sure.

- Thanks.

Oh, my God!

I'm back.

- Hey.

- [sighs]

So you heard me say

that I'm in love with you.

- Yeah.

- Which leads us

to a very interesting question.

- Which is?

- Are you in love with me?

Feel free to say something
before I throw up.

- Maybe.
I came back here to find out.

I think I could be.

- I will take that.

- [chuckles]

Why didn't you ever tell me?

- Because I'm very, very stupid.

So now what?

- Transfer back to PCA.

- I can't.

I had to beg my parents
to let me do this,

and they finally said yes
just to get me to shut up,

and they made me promise
I'd stay here

for at least a full semester.

- And you're sure
they wouldn't--

- I'm sure.

- Then I guess
we'll have to wait.

- No.

I've waited 3 1/2 years.

I'm dating you right now.

- How can we date when
we're in different countries

and can't be together?

- Your sushi
and iced green tea.

- Thanks.

CHASE: Wow,
that sushi looks great.

What is that? Tuna?

- Toro.
CHASE: Nice.

ZOEY:
What are you eating there?

- Oh, um, fish and chips,
although...

These are just
French fries,

not really chips.

- I know.
It's a British thing.

CHASE: Yeah.

So our first official date.

BOY:
Hey, could you keep it down?

- I'm on a date!

BOY: Eat sod.

- What's going on there?

- Oh, that's my roommate--
Colon.

COLIN:
It's Colin, you nit.

- Don't call me a nit!
COLIN: Nit!

- He's mad 'cause
it's 3:00 in the morning here.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

It's, like,
eight hours later there.

- Right.

ZOEY: Should I let you go?

COLIN: Yes!
- No!

[sighs]
Just ignore him.

You look so great.

- So do you.

- Thanks.
I, uh...

I did put product
in my hair.

COLIN: Good God!
Someone k*ll me!

- As soon as the date's over.

Sorry.

- No worries.

Oh, so guess
what Lola did today.

I walk in our room,
and I set down my backpack,

and before I can ev--

[static]

- Hello?
Hey, Zoey?

- Chase, can you hear me?

Hello?

- Oh, I lost her.

COLIN: Good!

- You're a nit, Colon.

COLIN:
You don't even know

what a nit is, you nit.

- Don't call me a nit!

Come on, Zoe.
[keys clacking]

Where are ya?

- What's wrong with this thing?

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

- ...Moron think that
you already know

about your surprise party,
and I say you don't.

- Surprise party?
- Surprise!

[zapping noise, phone ringing]

- Happy birthday, Captain.

[phone ringing]

[TV playing indistinctly]

- Oh!
A birthday salmon for me?

ZOEY: Hey, Quinn, it's me.
- Hey, Zoe.

- Ooh, how's her date going?
- How's your date going?

- Not great.
Our video chat d*ed.

Will you come fix it?

- I'm kind of
in the middle of something.

- What?
QUINN: I'm doing LASIK surgery

on Mark's eyes.

- [whimpering]

- Well, just come fix it fast,

then you can go right back
and finish Mark.

- All right.

Okay, baby,
I should be back

in about a half hour.

- You're leaving me
in the middle

of laser eye surgery?

- This date is very important
to Zoey.

You'll be fine.

- [groans]

- Whatever you do, don't blink.

- [whimpers]
Oh, God.

- Ooh, bring me back
a spicy tuna roll.

- [whimpers]

♪ ♪

MAN: Sir, please try pressing
control G again.

- Okay, I pressed
control G three times

and nothing happened.

MAN: You must hold down
the control key

while pressing the G.

- I know. I did that.

MAN: Then your computer
should be working.

- I know it should be working,
but it's not.

MAN: Sir, please do not
shout at me.

I'm trying to help you.

COLIN:
Will you please hang up

and go to sleep?
- No!

MAN: Why do you want me
to hang up

and go to sleep?
- No, no!

I-I just want you to help me
get my video chat back up.

MAN: Have you tried pressing
control G?

- Yes.
MAN: Did that work?

- No.
COLIN: Why don't you press

control G with your bum?

MAN: Sir, if you're
going to insult me--

- I didn't insult you.
It was my roommate--Colon.

COLIN: Colin!
- I don't care!

MAN: If you don't care,

then why have you called
tech support?

- [groaning]

- Quinn!
- I'm trying.

- It's been over an hour.

- Oh, I hope Mark's okay.

- Lola?
Lola?

- One sec.
MARK: But...

I'm sweating,
and Quinn said

I have to keep my eyes open.

Could you turn up
the air conditioning?

- After
Girlie Cow.

[laughing]

It's kissing a fish!

- But my eyes are burning.

[groans]

- It's still not working!

MAN: Sir, I do not know
what else to try.

COLIN: Try going to bed!

It's 4:00 in the morning!

- Listen, Colon--
COLIN: It's Colin!

- I have been waiting


to have a date
with Zoey Brooks,

and it will not
be taken away from me!

MAN: I said the same thing

when the rebels
came for my chickens.

- What are you talking about?

MAN:
Sir, I do not appreciate

your aggressive tone.

- I just want my video chat
to work.

MAN: Have you tried
pressing control G?

- [groaning]

[static]

- Hey, I'm sorry,
but the kitchen's closing.

We gotta lock up
in about ten minutes.

- Okay, we'll be out.

- Thanks.

- I give up.
- Quinn.

- I've tried everything.

I reinstalled the software,

I ran a disk utility test.

I zapped the PRAM.

It won't work.

Wait, let me just try
one more thing.

Control G.

- It worked.

CHASE: Okay.

My video chat
is still not working!

MAN: Sir, I have tried
everything I know!

COLIN: Go to sleep!
- You go to sleep!

MAN: I cannot go to sleep

until they ring
the ding-dong bell.

- I wasn't talking to you!
ZOEY: Chase!

- Be quiet, Zoey.

Zoey?

MAN: Sir, my name
is not Zoo-ee.

- Wait. Zoey, how did you get
the connection back?

- Quinn fixed it.

- I just pressed control G.

MAN: Ha! I knew it!

I knew I was right!

- Oh, my God.
I have to go finish

Mark's laser eye surgery.
Bye.

- Did she say
"laser eye surgery"?

COLIN:
If you don't go to sleep,

I'm going to get
our dorm advisor.

- Then go get him!

COLIN: I will!

Nit!

[door slams]

- [sighs]

Finally, I'm alone.

- Me too.
CHASE: Hey, how come

the chairs
are on the tables there?

- They're about to close.

CHASE: Oh.

This isn't gonna work, is it?

- Dating by video chat?

- Yeah.

- I don't think so.

So what do we do?

- Well, I guess, for now,

you should just
do your thing at PCA,

and...

I'll tough it out
here in England for a semester.

Right?

- Yeah, and maybe
we'll try this for real

when we're together again.

- A semester's a long time.

What if we meet other people?

- We've dated other people
before.

- I love you, Zoey.

- Now, is that so hard to say
to my face?

- It was easy.

- Good.

I love you too.

- Talk to you later.

- Good night.

♪ ♪

[somber piano music]

♪ ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

CHASE: Don't call me a nit!