02x03 - Rain Dance

[bunniefuu]

- This is me, eliza thornberry,

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom,

And a sister.

There is donnie. We found him.

And darwin? He found us.

Oh, yeah, about our house.

It moves,

Because we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show,

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me,

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals!

It's really cool, but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Both screaming and panting]

[Darwin screams]

[Upbeat percussive music]

♪

[Engine knocking]

[Steam hisses]

[Metal creaks]

- Oh, it's the fuel pump.

- No problem, darling.

We can coast.

It's all downhill from here to johannesburg.

- Dad, that's, like, , miles.

- It's all downhill from here to my st birthday.

- But it's only . Miles to otjiwarongo.

- Only ..

A mere pittance of a journey.

- A city with a name as big as otjiwarongo must have a mall!

Oh, can we go, mom?

- As soon as we get a fuel pump.

- Can't you--i don't know--

Make one out of a tin can and a ballpoint pen?

- That only worked once, and we didn't get far.

Now, my pantyhose would work.

Oh, if they weren't already on the fan belt.

- [Muttering indistinctly]

Sunscreen.

[Continues muttering indistinctly]

May I have the map, poodles?

Thank you.

I'll just pop over to the local garage

And pick up a new pump.

And maybe a nice ripe brie for our lunch.

- Nigel, you can't walk across the desert in this heat.

Let me try the radio.

This is thornberry one.

Can anyone read me? Over.

Thornberry one.

Can you read us? Over.

I guess you have to go.

- Don't worry, darling.

I'll be back before you can say,

"Ngame mo geddy gadee."

Bye-bye, girls.

Darwin, donnie.

- Be careful.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye, dad. Be careful.

- How come the commvee never breaks down

Next to a swimming pool?

Ugh.

[Donnie chattering]

Donnie!

Ugh!

- Well, maybe I can get some interesting footage of the...

Wavy lines in the sand.

[Shower running distantly]

- Come on, darwin, let's do what the nomads do.

- Make sugar bowls out of camel dung?

[Crank ratcheting]

- [Screams]

Hey! Who turned off the water?

- Nobody. Why?

- Because there isn't any.

- But we should have plenty of water.

[Gasps] the water t*nk!

It's empty.

- Mom! Do something.

- I thought I heard something cr*ck

When we hit that speed bump in kinshasa.

Eliza, check the refrigerator for water.

- Wahoo!

[Chattering excitedly]

- Mom, I'm serious.

This conditioner says leave in three minutes,

And that's it!

- This is all the water we have.

- [Gasps] give it to me.

- This is the last of our water,

And it's not going on your head.

We can have one sip an hour.

- Ugh! [Groaning]

- Mom, what are we going to do?

- Well, first, I'm going to fix this t*nk.

- This can't be good.

- ♪ , Bottles of quinine on the wall ♪

♪ , Bottles of quinine

♪ You take one down

♪ And pass it around

Well, it's a bit close out here.

I'd forgotten what a sweat one can work up

Singing marching songs.

[Groans]

I know!

Splash! Ah!

[Yelps]

Where's my helmet?

Oh, well, not to worry.

My name's in it.

[Chuckles]

Oh.

That's better.

♪ You take one down

♪ And pass it around

♪ Bottles of quinine on the wall ♪

- Darwin, this is serious.

We have to find water.

- You're telling me?

I'm already starting to shrivel up.

- Come on, you had a quart of orange juice for breakfast.

- And a frozen waffle that soaked up everything.

- Oof!

Ow. What was that?

- If it's not a water fountain, who cares?

- Look. A gecko.

Hey. Excuse me.

Can you tell us where to find some water?

- Water?

- Yeah. We're thirsty.

- Me thirsty.

- Is there a watering hole nearby?

- No. Here.

- There's no water here.

Do you mean under the rock?

- Mmm!

Lunch!

- Wait. Where's the water?

- Geckos.

They're about as helpful as newts.

- Come on.

If there are animals around here,

There's got to be a watering hole somewhere.

- Whew.

Oh, dear.

Oh, look at this cr*ck.

Oh, goodness.

- [Panting]

I'm so thirsty.

- Me too.

[Both panting]

Hey, I got juice!

- Give it to me.

- No, darwin,

I'm saving it for when we really need it.

- [Grumbles, chatters]

Eliza!

- Darwin, look!

We'll ask the gemsbok.

They'll know where water is.

- [Yelps]

- We need water.

- Stop saying "water."

[Grumbles]

Now you made me say it.

- [Yelps]

- Hey!

That's my drop of water. Move!

[Both grunt]

[Gasps]

[Both groan]

- [Sighs]

Debbie, please give donnie some of your gum.

- [Scoffs] why?

- To keep his mouth from drying out.

- [Chatters excitedly]

- [Scoffs]

Well, you didn't expect me to give him new gum.

- [Smacks lips]

[Exhaling]

Pop!

Oh, great.

Like I don't have enough mud in my hair.

- Excuse me.

Where's the watering hole?

[Gemsbok chattering] - I heard her.

- I heard her. - She talked.

- I can't believe she can talk!

- You can speak to us?

- Yeah. It's a long story.

Please, my family's stranded without any water.

You have to tell me where the watering hole is.

- Well, this is it.

- But it's all dried up.

- That's why my baby has to chew on a root.

There hasn't been any rain.

- And when we try to call the rainmaker,

He doesn't come.

He doesn't hear us.

- The rainmaker?

Who's that?

- He brings the rain.

- They say he lives far away, under a great, big waterfall.

- They?

You've never seen him?

- No, but two of my great uncles swear they did.

- He's a big, strong black beast

Who can stay underwater for hours at a time.

- You mean kind of like a hippo.

- Did you hear that?

She knows the rainmaker.

She can call him for us.

- What?

No, I can't.

- They've been chewing on that root too long.

Let's get out of here.

- Don't go.

The last time we saw a human, the rainmaker showed up.

- I'm sorry, but I don't know any rainmaker.

- But you're special.

Now, that's why you've been sent to us.

- I wasn't sent.

Our trailer broke down.

- You can call him. I know you can.

- Call him. Stay with us.

- [Panting and gasping]

[Sighs]

- Here.

This will help.

- Our juice!

- [Slurping]

[All slurping]

[All smacking lips]

- She gave us sweet water!

- No problem.

It was just my last bit of juice.

- You have to help us.

Bring the rainmaker.

- Uh, listen. Listen.

You don't understand.

- You have to save us.

- You must bring the rainmaker.

- Bring us the rainmaker.

- Bring us the rainmaker.

[All talking at once]

[All talking at once]

- Look.

I'll try and find your water, but--

- We knew you would help us.

She'll call the rainmaker!

- She has the power.

- You guys, please.

Just listen to me.

Thank you.

Anyway, I don't think I have that kind of power.

- Well, how do you know?

Have you ever tried?

- ♪ Bottles of quinine on the wall ♪

♪ Bottles of quinine

Nigel thornberry again.

No sign of animal life yet.

Hold on.

Seagulls!

There must be water nearby.

Oh! [Gasps]

There it is!

[Laughs]

I'm coming. [Giggles]

[Grunts]

Thud!

[Spits, sputters]

Scratch the seagulls.

- Those animals really believe

I have the power to bring the rainmaker.

I mean, I do have special powers.

- [Sighs]

You didn't have the power

To get your braces off by your th birthday.

- Well, if I can talk to animals,

Why can't I talk to rainmakers?

- Out of my way.

Excuse me. Don't ruffle the feathers.

Eliza. - You know me?

- You're the girl who's bringing the rainmaker.

- Who told you that?

- Everybody!

No one in the desert can talk of anything else.

- You see?

- So go ahead. Call her.

- Her?

- They say she's a gorgeous gray mare

With a flowing white mane and a long tail.

- Wait.

You've never seen it either?

- Well, no, but I knew a zebra who raced her once.

- We heard she looked like a hippo.

- She may have put on a little weight after the baby.

So call her.

- They all think I can do it.

I could be their only chance.

- Then do something already!

We need water.

[Moaning]

- On behalf of our herd,

Thank you for calling the rainmaker for us.

- Yes.

Eliza thornberry will call the rainmaker.

Hey, many were called, but I was chosen.

[Animals cheering]

- Thank you.

Thank you, my subjects.

- Call him. - Call the rainmaker!

- Not too close.

I need plenty of space for rainmaker calling.

- I knew you would save us!

She's my friend, you know.

- Phew. It's a little warm up here.

- Quick!

Pull out a feather and fan eliza.

- How's this, wondrous one?

- You missed a spot.

You know what I'm missing?

A crown.

[Animals cheering]

Take me to the top of that sand dune.

- Eliza! Eliza!

- Yay!

- She's gonna save us. I know it.

- [Smacking lips, slurps]

[Groans]

- Oh, sorry, donnie.

This line means for debbie only.

- Huh?

- Debbie,

What did you do to your hair?

- I rinsed it with spaghetti sauce.

- Of course.

Why did I ask?

I hope you weren't going to add onions.

- [Scoffs]

And I'm supposed to do what with this?

- We're going to make tears,

Then we're going to collect them in this bowl.

[Laughing effusively]

- Mom, you're losing it.

- Aha.

When I dump spaghetti sauce on my head,

Then I'll be losing it.

- Hear me, oh, great rainmaker.

See me.

Hear me.

Obey me.

Appear!

- Eliza, nothing's happening.

- Silence, infidel!

Abracadabra, sis-boom-bah.

Raindrops, raindrops, rah, rah, rah!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

But they won't be for long unless they have you.

All right, everybody, follow me.

Follow me, I say.

[Rhythmic percussive music]

♪ We're gonna dance for rain ♪

♪ Do like eliza says

♪ Step up the back again

♪ Just like eliza says

♪ We're gonna hip-hop ♪

♪ With the animal crowd

♪ We want a drip, drop

♪ Coming down from the clouds

♪ We're gonna get down, uh-huh ♪

♪ And shake it around

♪ We want the wet sound

♪ Of rain on the ground

[Dry scraping] you got it.

[Scratching]

♪ We're calling the rainmaker! ♪

[Thunder crashes]

What's that?

- It's thunder.

- Oh! - She did it!

- I see lightning!

- She made the rainmaker come. Yay!

- Darwin, it's working.

I knew I could do it.

The rainmaker cometh!

[Wind howling] oh, no!

A sandstorm!

Oh, what did I do?

- Looks like you called the sand-maker.

[Animals lowing]

- Those poor animals.

I can't believe I did this.

I asked for rain.

No, no, wait. I'm sure it's going to rain.

I can feel it.

[Spits]

- [Spits]

Eliza, come on, let's go.

- Eliza!

Eliza! Where are you?

[Wind howling]

- [Grunting]

Mom, we've got to close the door.

My hair's turning into a sandcastle!

- [Grunting]

Get on the loudspeaker and call your sister.

- Eliza!

Eliza!

Get back here, or I'm gonna read your diary.

[Wind howling]

[Both grunting]

[Metallic rattling]

[All gasping and grunting]

- Phew!

Oh, thank heavens you're all right.

- [Gasping]

- Oh!

And you too, darwin.

- Is dad back?

- No.

Come on, let's batten down the hatches.

- ♪ - Bottles of quinine on the wall ♪

♪ - Bottles of quinine

♪ If one of those bottles should happen to fall ♪

[Goat bleats]

[Gasps]

Oh, no.

No, not again.

I'm not falling for the old mirage in the desert trick.

[Goat bleats]

- Sir!

Would you be interested in buying an oriental rug

Made in mainland china

By well-paid factory workers?

- No, thank you, my good man.

I know you're not really there.

[Gasps, mutters]

Thud!

[Mutters] - sir, please.

Come in out of the heat.

Aren't you nigel thornberry?

We sell all your nature videos!

I am particularly fond of if a toucan, you can.

We also have it on laser disc.

[Wind howling]

- This is thornberry one.

Thornberry one. Can anyone read me?

Over.

[Radio static]

I repeat.

This is thornberry one.

Can anyone read me?

Please, somebody, answer me.

The situation

Is very serious.

- This is all my fault.

I must have said the wrong thing.

- Eliza, come on.

You didn't cause the sandstorm.

- But I was calling the rainmaker when it hit.

- No.

You were being a big sh*t, yelling at the sky, and--

And I was fanning you.

Oh, we both went nuts.

- Well, at least you didn't go nuts

Wearing a bird's nest on your head.

- [Slurping]

- Anything else?

- Well, I have been admiring that frock you have on.

Anything in a long?

- Well, that's my size.

You know, I've been admiring your sweat-soaked,

Sand-encrusted, wind- shredded clothing.

Vintage is very big here in the army.

- The gemsbok.

Maybe I should go apologize.

- Only if you think it can bring rain.

- Did you get through the storm okay?

- Yeah, I survived so I could die of thirst.

- You fooled us.

You made us think you could bring the rainmaker.

- You put us all in a circle.

- And started waving your arms.

- I'm sorry.

I guess I wanted to help you so much,

I started believing I was someone I'm not.

- Well, don't try helping us again!

- Eliza!

Any sign of daddy-waddy?

- Uh, not yet, mom.

Wow.

What's this?

- [Gasps]

Look at all the graffiti.

- Pictographs.

- Jeez.

Their hair looks worse than mine.

- Ooh, I bet I can read this.

Debbie, get my book.

This looks like a symbol for rain.

- Mom, don't get your hopes up.

- Ahh! I knew it.

Hey, kids, they did some kind of dance

Which summoned an animal,

And that animal brought rain.

- [Scoffs] yeah, right.

What kind of animal brings rain?

- Half horse, half hippo.

- Are you sure?

- Yep. He brings rain.

- If he can bring rain, can he bring a cream rinse?

- You're not thinking of

Trying to call this rain-bringer, are you?

- Yeah!

All we have to do is dance.

- Wow!

This is just like a mud mask.

- That's the spirit, debbie!

- [Chatters excitedly]

[Smooching]

- Donnie.

[Spits] ugh.

[Percussive music]

- [Chattering excitedly]

- Donnie, that's it!

Everybody!

- Uh, mom?

- Honey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Ooh!

Ha, ha, ha!

- [Chatters excitedly]

- Would it help if you had a human sacrifice?

- [Chatters]

- [Chatters excitedly]

- Whoo! Come on, eliza!

Get off your bad self and get into it.

- Everybody's crazy.

- Try it.

- Rain, come on!

Splatter all over me!

[All talking at once]

- Wahoo! Yeah-yeah-yeah!

You know, if you can't b*at 'em, join 'em.

[All talking at once]

Thud! - [Laughing]

- [Gasping]

Well, at least we didn't get another sandstorm.

What's that?

- It's raining!

- Mom, it worked!

[Thunder crashes]

- It worked!

[All cheering]

We brought the rain!

- Maybe we did.

[Camel groans]

- Hello!

They were out of brie, so I got goat cheese.

- Oh, nigel, darling.

I was so worried.

- So sorry I had to leave you all behind

While I was out fighting off vultures,

Crawling through a sandstorm,

Haggling with a local merchant.

[Chortles]

Shame you couldn't share the excitement.

- Oh, yeah, we were quite bored.

[Distant music]

- Oh, I say.

Groovy moves, poppety.

[Chortles]

[Tango music]

♪

- Darwin, look!

The rainmaker.

Or was it a mirage?

[Upbeat percussive music]

♪♪

- When I dump spaghetti sauce on my head,

Then I'll be losing it.