02x06 - No Laughing Matter

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry.

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

(Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves.

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

(Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

(All groaning )

And, dad, the "e" on the gas gauge stands for "empty."

I know that, pumpkin.

And the "f" means "full."

Really?

Well, yes, I suppose it would.

Next time maybe mom should do the driving.

Eliza, I couldn't drive and sh**t footage of a mole rat

At the same time.

I tried that once, remember?

Yeah, that's when I learned tails don't grow back.

I think I'm actually sweating, ugh.

Deborah, just think of the african dung beetle

An insect capable of pushing times its body weight.

Great, I'm a dung beetle.

Okay, everyone, I'm hitting the...

(Others yelp, grunt, thud )

Brakes.

(Both groaning )

Well, that wasn't so bad.

Hello, my good man.

We are in need of a fill-up.

Well, this is the place-- last gas station for a hundred miles.

Just one problem.

What's that?

No gas.

Getting a delivery tomorrow.

This is totally ridiculous! You're kidding me!

How can you call yourself a gas station with no gas?

That's like a hairdresser with no hair.

(Hyena laughs )

Well, anyway, we have to get our footage

To the post office by tomorrow

Or we'll miss our deadline.

Oh, yes, our special salute to the mole rat.

I bet they'll make it a two-parter.

Well, I guess we'll have to stay here.

You don't mind if we camp here until your gas comes, do you?

You're going to buy gas, right?

Uh-huh, that seems to be why we're here...

Mm-hmm... Oh...

You can stay.

Bucks a night

And no using the towels in the restroom.

(Gasps )

Why is that hyena in a cage?

Why do you think I call this place hyena gas?

Since when do people like seeing a wild animal

Locked up in a tiny little cage?

Ever been to a zoo?

But this is africa.

There's plenty of room for animals to move around.

That's not my fault-- keeps getting bigger.

Want to see him dance?

(Whines )

Dance, boy!

What are you doing?

Well, it's part of his act.

Oh, for heaven's sake, just give him the food.

(Sniffs )

(Growling )

Dad, do something.

Excuse me, but this caged hyena business

Strikes me as a bit unfair... Sport.

I wonder if a guy that creepy has a candy machine.

That poor hyena needs help.

No, eliza.

(Screams )

He's going to att*ck!

Eliza, don't fall for that "oh, look at me, aren't I cute?" Act.

Donnie probably wants to go back to the commvee.

(Donnie yelps )

Hey, how's everything going?

You're... You're talking.

It's a long story.

I'm sorry you're trapped in this cage.

What do you mean, "trapped"?

I live here.

This is the den.

That other side's where I sleep.

Pretty cozy, huh?

Look, I'm going to help you.

Really? Wow!

How nice.

Help me what?

Eliza, get away from there.

Hyenas are dangerous, honey.

Not this one.

Animals belong in cages.

My good man, you know nothing

Of natural behavior.

Nigel, remember we need his gasoline.

I must send that footage.

Oh...

If I didn't require your gas, I'd...

Refrain from purchasing it.

Come on, everyone, let's set up the tent.

You got a tent?

Oh, that's an extra ten bucks.

(Clanking )

Oh.

Shh, darwin, you'll wake up the creepy guy.

(Switch clicks )

Too late.

Who's out there?

(Whimpers )

Oh, that stupid monkey.

(Darwin chattering )

(Station owner grumbling )

Darwin, quick!

Hi... Uh, I'm here to let you out.

That dopey look means he's about to att*ck.

Leave him alone.

Did you come out to look at the moon?

No, I'm here to give you your freedom.

Hyena: freedom?

Eliza: yeah, what you've been missing.

This. (Screams )

Go on, run, you're free.

You can go.

Why would I want to dothat?

Because you're a wild animal.

There's a whole world out there.

I mean, don't you want to live

Where no one makes you jump for food?

I like jumping.

Want to see me roll over?

(Sighs )

(Laughs )

Oh, what's he going to do next-- fetch the chimp?

Listen, you'll love being free.

Believe me, you're not supposed to be caged.

Uh, okay, if you say so.

That guy's coming back!

Hurry, go now!

(Panting )

We should run, too.

(Whimpers )

Now, where is that monkey?

(Both panting )

Darwin, look!

There he goes.

Am I good or what?

(Humming )

(Wolves howling )

(Hoots )

(Gasps )

(Howling weakly )

(Yawning )

(Gasps )

(Screaming )

What is it, pumpkin?

Are you all right?

What's going on?

That hyena was under the commvee.

He was?

(Groans )

The thing's loose?

I'm thinking somebody took him...

(Donnie babbles )

Someone who looks suspiciously

Like that!

(Chatters )

That, sir, is a chimpanzee.

A chimpanzee who steals hyenas.

Preposterous!

While it's true chimpanzees have opposable thumbs

Darwin would never deliberately open a cage.

I think it's great the hyena's free.

Not for long.

I'll find that sack of fur, and when I do...

(Grunts )

(Sniffing )

(Jabbers )

No, donnie...

Don't look for that hyena.

It may have looked tame

But it could revert back to its natural instincts.

(Both gasp )

(Chuckles )

I was saving this one.

It was a birthday present.

(Gasps )

You, sir, are a despicable excuse

For a petrol station owner.

What are you doing back here?

It wasn't like you said.

It was scary out there.

I want to come home.

No, you don't, trust me.

But every day I got food in my bowl.

Forget the bowl.

Your food is all going to come from the wild now.

The wild?

That means...

Oh, oh, oh! I think I get it.

Yeah, you can do it.

Just go out there and be a hyena.

A hyena, right.

Here goes.

Okay, I'll walk you as far as the rocks.

Be right back.

Oh, sure, leave me all alone

So he can sneak back and eat me!

He's not going to eat you.

He's very sweet.

It's a cover.

(Panting )

(Howling weakly )

(Whimpers )

(Chuckling )

(Grunting )

(Chuckles )

My good man, no one needs a hyena

In order to run a gas station.

(Vehicles approaching )

Ooh, fresh meat.

Uh, where's the hyena?

Well, he ain't here right now, but he'll be...

Oh, wait! Come on back!

He'll be here soon!

He just went out for a little walk!

Did you hear that?

Oh, yes, at the sight

Of a commoncrocuta crocuta

Otherwise known as a spotted hyena.

Hyena (plaintively ): please.

Darwin, it's the hyena.

Please.

Food... Anyone... Please?

You're not supposed to beg for it.

I'm not begging.

I'm asking nicely.

All right, what's your little game?

I should have explained how it works.

See, no onegives food to you anymore.

You have to get it yourself.

Myself?

How do I do that?

Eliza, this is going to take weeks.

We don't have weeks.

When that gas comes

We're out of here and he'll be all alone.

I know! We'll find you a bunch of hyenas

To hang around with

So you can see what being a hyena's all about.

That sounds like fun.

Maybe they'll have something for my bowl.

Would you please forget about your bowl?

Come on, let's go.

Well, you want to know what I think?

I guess... Not.

Hyena: I'm really tired.

Can we take a rest?

Rest?

We just left.

Normally I just walk in a circle--

A very small circle.

Look, everybody!

Hey, they look just like me.

Of course they do.

They're...

You've never seen a hyena before?

Mmm... Nope.

I've lived in that cage my whole life.

(Sighs )

Well, now you're going to live with them.

By the end of today, you're going to have

A whole bunch of new friends.

Friends!

I've always wanted some of those.

(Barks tamely )

Oh...

Hi, everybody.

(Sniffing )

(Growling )

(All growling )

What do you want?

I thought I'd hang out for a while.

You're on the wrong side.

And not one of us

So why don't you go back to where you came from?

No, I'm here to make friends.

(Yipping )

(Screaming )

(Snarling )

Eliza: they're gaining on us.

I can't run much longer.

Hey, they've stopped.

(Sniffing )

(Breathlessly ): that's weird.

Oh, what was that all about?

They sniffed at me

Then they said I wasn't one of them.

I think they're right.

(Sniffing )

Hey, those hyenas had a smell

But it ended right where they stopped.

I guess they mark their territory.

Yeah, and you can't just cross anyone else's border

Unless you're one of them, like they said.

Did I say that?

This is great!

I bet with a little push

You could be a wild hyena again.

You really think so, eliza?

Yes.

I got you into this

And I'm going to help you

If it's the last thing I do.

Now fly!

Fly to the post office with our footage.

(Squawks )

Oh, no.

Getting a little desperate, mom?

Sorry.

Okay, first we need to work on your attitude.

I've always thought I was cuddly and fun-loving.

(Giggles )

Yeah, yeah, about that...

You're supposed to be fierce.

Me? Fierce?

You just need to get mad, think bad thoughts.

Hmm, a girl taking me out of my cage

To be with those mean hyenas.

Okay, let's forget the attitude for a minute.

Let's go over the basics: stalking and pouncing.

Uh, what's stalking and pouncing?

It's how you get food.

Pretend that darwin is a wildebeest.

Why do I always have to be the wildebeest?

You're hungry, there's food...

Go get it!

(Growling )

Easy, easy!

This is only a rehearsal.

(Grunts, snarls )

(Sighs )

Oh, forget it, eliza.

Let's go home.

It's obvious he can't learn anything.

(Growls )

Ow!

(Weakly ): but I could be wrong.

That's great!

You got it.

(Giggles )

Um, I'm not sure about this.

What if they're not the right clan?

You won't know until you try.

Well... Okay.

If you say so.

Oh, good, now we can run for our lives again.

He's going to be great.

Oh, darwin, look.

They already like him.

Mission accomplished, darwin.

(Giggles )

We did it.

Now we can go.

(Animal snarls )

(Both gasp )

(Hooting )

(Hyenas snarling )

Run!

No!

I've got to help him!

(Snarling )

(Loud roar )

Huh?

Oh, that poor hyena.

Is he... Is he... Faking?

No, darwin, he's never been faking

And now he's really hurt.

Pull out my canteen!

Oh, my poor little guy.

He was just doing what I told him to do.

(Gasps )

Look, he's breathing!

Oh... Oh... Oh!

He's alive!

I mean, I knew he would be.

Here, drink this.

(Coughing )

Are you okay?

Yeah, I guess.

What happened?

What happened is

I never should have taken you out of that cage.

I'm not like the other hyenas, am i?

I said from the minute I met you

"This is one of the nice hyenas."

I made a big mistake.

Your instincts are buried too deep.

You don't belong in the wild.

I guess we... We have to take you back.

To the gas station, where that... Thatman sets traps

For innocent animals like us?

(Sighs )

Well, it's better for me than all this freedom.

Well, maybe he'll get you a bigger cage.

(Gulps )

(Burps )

I'll distract him

While you go over to your cage.

I bet he's got some fresh meat for you.

Yeah, I guess.

I'm sorry I couldn't be a better hyena.

Hey.

You're the best hyena I know.

Bye, chimpy.

I know I scared you a little

But I really do like you.

Scared? Me?

Never.

Well...

Good-bye.

Take care of yourself.

(Animal snorting )

(Yells )

You stay away from me!

I don't think he's listening.

(Snorting )

(Screams )

Oh, get away from me!

(Snorting )

(Growling ferociously )

My hyena, my hyena!

Come on back.

Hyena, come back.

Come back, come back, hyena!

(Grunts )

Ow, ow!

Help! Help!

(Darwin chattering )

(Giggling )

Aah! Help!

(Both laughing )

Yes! The gas is here.

What a shame!

Just when things were getting to be so much fun.

(Snorting )

(Snarling )

You did it!

I did, didn't i!

I'm so proud of you.

(Giggles )

Wait.

(Sniffs )

I smell something.

(Sniffing )

I know this smell.

It smells like me.

Are you sure they smell right?

Oh, yeah, they're my clan.

I know it.

You think I should follow them?

Only if it feels right to you.

I'm going over there.

Hey, guys!

(Growling ) (growling )

Hi, I'm one of you.

Listen...

(Laughing weakly )

Uh, I'm working on it.

I'm telling you, I'm part of this clan.

You know what I think?

(Gasps )

I think there's fresh meat

Down by the gully.

Last one there gets the gristle.

(Hyenas cackling )

I'll always remember you!

Especially at dinnertime.

(Laughs )

(Gulps )

Pardon me for saying so, dearest

But aren't we traveling a mite too fast?

Whoo!

Not if we're going to make that deadline.

The mole rat must have his debut!

See, eliza, everything worked out

Just like I said it would.

Yeah, right.

And you weren't scared for a minute.

(Chuckles )

No!

Well, maybe a little.

That boar was terrifying.

I wonder what happened to him anyhow.

(Snorting )

Go away, pig, just go away.

Yeah, go away, pig.

Nice pig, nice pig, go away.

Go away, pig, go away!

Go away, piggy!