03x05 - Horse Sense

[bunniefuu]

- This is me, eliza thornberry,

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin-- he found us.

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves,

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show,

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me, something amazing happened,

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool, but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Darwin yelling]

[Upbeat instrumental music]

♪

- Oh, why?

Why do we have to go to this country fair?

- Debbie, this isn't a country fair.

This is the naadam festival,

Mongolia's biggest national event.

- The difference being?

- Let's put it this way:

It's the "in" place to be.

- I'd rather be out.

- We will be, pumpkin, in a few days

When we pop over to the wild horse preserve.

The przewalski horse is the only wild horse breed

Still in existence.

I know how much you're looking forward to that.

- Ugh!

- Isn't this fabulous?

Camping with herdsmen

And seeing mongolia's three manliest sports:

Archery, wrestling, and--ah, ah--

- Horse racing.

That's what I'm going to do.

- Hello, you're not qualified.

Notice the "man" in manly?

- The race is for kids, boys and girls.

- When are we going to go somewhere where they do

Teenage-ly things?

- Mom, would you help me train for the horse race?

- You want me to be your trainer?

- Sure, you did win the junior rodeo championship.

Who knows more about horses and winning than you?

Oh, well, when you put it that way, I'd love to.

- Great!

Let's go look for a horse.

- Splendid.

- And donnie and I will go look for the wrestling competition.

- Fantastic.

I'll go look for a life.

[Mongolian flute music]

♪

- Forget about him.

You can ride me.

- Really?

Have you ever run in a race before?

- No, but I've watched a lot of them,

And I'll work really hard for you.

What do you say?

- Hey, mom!

I found the perfect horse.

- You catch on quick.

This horse is a better fit for you.

- [Yells]

Ooh.

- [Chattering]

- See, donnie?

Those odd little outfits assure us

That the wrestlers are men.

Seems one year,

A woman disguised herself and ended up as champion.

Isn't that fascinating?

No time limits.

No weight limits.

Just sheer cunning and athletic prowess are used

To knock an opponent off his feet.

- Donnie, desist!

Halt!

Oh, they have actual stores full of actual clothes

That you can actually buy.

Even this retro stuff is cool.

[Gasps] like that robe!

Oh, that is so nouveau passeé.

Okay, first purchase decided.

Hey, um, where did you get--

Uh, hey. Hey, wait up.

- Ah-ha-ha-ha!

- [Laughs] - [horse neighs]

- The qualifying race is straight across the grass.

And the final race goes over grass and that ravine

And that river and that hill.

Ready to get to work?

- Train away, mom.

- First thing.

You'll need to get jambyn to move quickly

Around other horses.

When I rode comet,

We had to cut around barrels in the rodeo.

See how I hold the reins?

Then I just pull to the side.

When the reins touch the right side

Of the horse's neck,

He knows he's supposed to move left.

Well, that's how horses are trained.

- Got it, mom.

- Good job, eliza.

- Thanks, mom.

Tell me more rodeo stuff.

- The most important thing I learned:

When you're racing, you sit differently.

Well, actually, you don't sit at all.

You just lean forward, bend your knees,

And put your weight on your feet--

Not your seat.

Oh, that's perfect.

You're a fast learner.

- You think jambyn's as fast as comet?

- Well, he might be.

Probably the next fastest thing to a przewalski horse.

- Hey, maybe I should ride one of those in the race!

- Eliza, no one rides those wild horses.

Their whole genetic makeup is different

From jambyn or comet.

So want to see how fast these horses can go?

- Yes.

- Oh!

There you are.

Whatever.

Um, I just want to know where to get the robe.

Eh, I got to sh**t this to get that.

Fine, the robe's worth it.

[Grunting]

Oh!

- [Speaking native language]

[All speaking native language]

- Huh, I guess being able to zero in on a sale

Pays off in other ways too.

[Gasps]

It not only looks good.

It feels good.

Oh, and this is so my color.

- Uh!

You are so right.

The outfit is not complete without it.

You want me to go again?

But I already have the robe.

[Laughs] why not?

[Grunting]

- [Speaking native language]

[All cheering]

- I wonder if this counts as gym class.

- [Chattering]

- Donnie!

Come back here!

- [Growling]

- [Chattering]

- That's a perfect imitation of the magical garuda bird

Of buddhist legend.

It's how the wrestlers start the match.

[Gasps] oh, no!

- [Growls]

- [Chattering]

- Oh! Careful, donnie!

[Women laughing]

- [Chattering]

- [Growling]

- [Laughs]

[All cheering]

- [Chattering]

Ta-da!

- Donnie, you won the first round.

Stupendous! Ahh.

- This is the qualifying race.

Now remember, you just have to finish in the top ten.

- Right, but I wouldn't mind finishing as the top one.

- Don't forget:

Weight in your feet, not your seat.

Good luck, sweetie.

- You all set, jambyn?

- I think so.

It's just that the other horses and riders are so close.

- Don't worry.

If my mom won a race like this, we can too.

This is going to be the best day of your life.

- [Neighs]

- [Screams]

Oh, no!

[Gasps]

[Screams]

- [Gasps]

- Eliza, look out!

- Goodness gracious, did you see that?

- Yes, but look at them go now.

- There's no place to move ahead.

- Keep going!

Look, there's an opening.

That was close.

- Eliza, that was fantastic.

You made the finals.

- I know, but we're going to have

To go a lot faster to win, right?

- You just need some more practice.

You're bound to win.

- It seemed awfully dangerous out there, poppet.

Are you sure you want to race again?

- You bet I do.

- Oh, nigel.

This takes me right back to my rodeo days.

- What is donnie wearing?

- Dearest!

Donnie's in the wrestling finals.

I'm going to be his herald chanting his virtues in rhyme.

- That was awful.

You're not doing this again, are you?

- Of course I am. - What?

- And this time, I'm going to win.

My mom thinks so too.

Come on, jambyn, we've got to practice.

[All speaking native language]

- Uh, this robin hood thing is not a bad gig.

- [Speaking native language]

[All cheering]

- Okay, smarty boy.

Watch this.

[Grunting]

Ahh!

- [Speaking native language]

[All cheering]

- In mongolia, the race is

More about the horse's skill than the rider's.

So how can we help you make jambyn go faster?

Wait! There's a perfect drill

In my rodeo club handbook.

It's in the comvee.

I'll be right back.

- Let's practice galloping until she gets back.

- Okay.

We can go over that way.

- Want to come darwin?

- Gee, how can I say this?

No!

- Your loss.

- [Coughing]

- Ooh!

- [Chattering]

- Ahh!

Victorious again!

One more go and you could be champion!

There once was a boy from borneo--

- Found my rodeo club handbook.

[Chuckles] I de--uh--eliza?

- [Sighs] let's take a break.

- I need to go faster.

- Where are we?

- This is where the wild horses are.

- Wow!

A przewalski horse.

That's what they look like.

I bet I'd win on that horse.

Oh, jambyn, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--

- No, you're right.

You'd definitely win on that horse,

Except he'd never let you ride him.

- Maybe he would if I talk to him.

- Maybe you should ride him instead of me in the race.

- Really?

- [Sighs] well, like you said,

He probably wouldn't have let me.

[Screams]

- What are you doing in my grass?

- She wants to ride you in the race.

- Get away.

No one rides me.

- But you can go faster than all the other horses.

- Hey, she talks like me.

- Yep. And I can ride really well too.

So will you let me ride you in the race?

Please?

- No.

Go away!

Leave me alone.

- Sorry, eliza.

Guess you're stuck with me.

Eliza, be careful.

- You want a ride?

Let's ride.

[Neighs]

- Jambyn, help!

- Eliza, hang on!

- [Grunting]

[Grunts] whoa!

Stop!

Where are you going?

- Anywhere I want to.

I'm wild, remember?

- [Speaking native language]

[All cheering]

- All right, bow and arrow buddy.

Try this.

- [Speaking native language]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

- Ah, yes!

I win!

- Jambyn, over here!

- Almost there!

- Jambyn, keep following!

He's headed toward town!

- He's small, but he's wiry, and he'll b*at you entirely!

He's donnie, our jungle boy.

- Oh.

- [Grunts]

- Oh, good heavens!

He's a giant.

- [Growls]

- [Chattering]

- Hmm?

[Grunting]

- [Chattering]

- [Laughing]

- Ta-da!

[All cheering]

- Donnie, you won!

You're champion!

- [Singing]

- Listen.

They're serenading you.

And I believe that wonderful sound is called throat singing.

- There you are.

So what do you think?

Was my shopping expedition successful or what?

Where's pony girl?

I want to show her.

- [Gasps] oh, my goodness.

Nigel, have you seen eliza?

- No, darling, but I have seen the winner

Of the mongolian wrestling match,

And here he is.

- [Chattering]

- Eliza!

- Help!

- Lord nelson's trousers!

That's a wild horse.

- [Screaming]

- We've got to get the horse penned up somehow.

- [Chattering]

- Good show, donnie!

- Help!

- How are we going to keep the horse from running out?

- I got it.

- Don't hurt him!

He's just wild!

- [Groaning]

- [Neighs]

- I want out of here!

Get me out of here!

- I will, I promise!

- Watch out, poppet!

- Whoa.

Ugh!

- Ahh!

- Oh, are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm okay.

Jambyn.

I'm sorry, jambyn.

I really wanted to ride a wild horse,

But I never meant to hurt your feelings.

- Thanks.

That's okay.

- You know, you ran faster than I've ever seen you run.

- Does that mean you still want to ride me in the finals?

- If you still want me to.

- Yes. - Great.

What time is it? Can we still make the race?

- You think I'm going to let you race?

Eliza, you rode a wild horse

After I told you how dangerous they were!

- I know.

I'm sorry.

That was wrong, but you've taught me so much,

And jambyn's worked so hard.

Please, mom?

- All right.

- Yes! Yes!

Thank you, mom!

- But you better hurry.

The race is just about to start.

- Ready?

- Ready.

- Okay, jambyn.

[Grunts] let's win.

- I'll do my best.

[All cheering]

- Jambyn, the ravine!

- Ready!

- [Grunts]

- The river's so wide!

- You can make it!

- Great job!

- There's the finish line.

Faster! Faster!

We're almost there!

- That was great!

- Great? What do you mean?

We lost.

- But I got to run in the naadam race.

- So?

- So I dreamed for years of running in this race.

No one ever let me do that before.

- Really? But didn't you want to win?

- That would have been nice,

But you sure can't win if you're not in the race.

Thanks, eliza.

- [Laughing]

- [Chattering]

- [Laughs]

Good job, donnie.

I can see why you're the champion wrestler.

- I hate sports.

- Congratulations, deb, on that archery thing.

- Yeah, well, I just wanted the robe.

Ah!

It is pretty cool, huh?

- Huzzah!

Quite a show, poppet.

- You rode better than I've ever seen you ride.

I'm very proud of you.

In fact, I want you to have something.

- Your junior rodeo belt buckle.

- I think you've earned it.

- Thanks, mom.

- Gather 'round.

I've learned how to throat sing.

- Uh-oh.

- And I have a little ditty

To honor all the family competitors.

[Moaning]

- Oh. - Oh, dad.

- Uh.

- [Howls]

- Please, mom, get him to stop.

- Well, you know your father.

That was odd.