03x03 - Tyler Tucker, I Presume

[bunniefuu]

- This is me, eliza thornberry,

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin--he found us.

- [Jabbering]

- Oh, yeah, about our house--

It moves, 'cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show,

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me, something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Hooting and screaming]

[Upbeat percussive music]

♪

- Whoo!

[Laughing]

Oof!

[Panting]

Let's see the famous tyler tucker do that.

- I just want to see this famous cousin

You've been talking about for...

For-- oh, some long amount of time.

What do you call it again?

Days? Uh, hours?

- Weeks.

And he gets here today.

- What?

Oh, but I haven't groomed.

Oh, he'll think I'm no better than a warthog.

- Trust me.

Tyler's never been out of the suburbs.

He's never seen a warthog,

Let alone a chimpanzee.

- Really?

So he'll think I'm an exotic beast

And will feed me lots of treats?

Hoo-hoo! I can't wait!

-Ican.

I spend all my summers with tyler.

He's one big...

- Eliza!

Report to camp immediately!

That means now!

- Pain in the neck.

- We will be leaving camp at sharp!

That means dishes done, beds made,

Bug collections stowed and secured.

Anything else?

- Okay, let's see.

As soon as we get back with tyler,

We'll be all set to go down the river

To film the clawless otter.

Uh, oh, could you girls wash the comvee?

- Comvee must be washed!

Wait a sec.

Why do we have to wash it if we're taking it

Down some smelly river?

- Oh, but the congo

Isn't smelly at all, deborah.

It cuts through the heart of africa,

Crossing the equator twice.

- Truly fascinating, dad.

[Whining] mom...

- Oh, I guess it's clean enough.

- [Giggling]

Sorry, mom!

The roof got a little muddy.

- Nice going, ape girl.

[Engine turns over]

[Engine rumbling and rattling]

Grab a bucket and meet me on the roof.

Oh, and set the parking brake, will you?

- Yeah, yeah.

- [Jabbering]

- Tyler's gonna mess up my whole month.

- Is he really that bad?

- Yes, he always teases me

And tries to get me into trouble.

You have no idea.

- No, I can't imagine.

Nope. Haven't the foggiest.

No. Not a clue.

- And he's going to stick to me like glue,

So we have to be careful about talking, okay?

- [Jabbering]

- [Whispering] try to use the sign language

I taught you.

- But I only know a few words.

- Shh!

- If a gorilla can do it, so can a chimp.

- Uh? Hmm?

- Deb, are we moving?

- Didn't you set the parking brake?

Oh! - Oops!

[Both shrieking]

Debbie, grab these!

- Who do I look like? Sheena, queen of the jungle?

- Whoo! - Agh!

- Just do it!

- Whoa! - [Screams]

[Shrill shrieking]

- Wow!

What's that bird, uncle nigel?

- That's a common waxbill,

Known for its colorful plumage and shrill cry.

[Debbie screaming]

- That's no bird!

That's debbie!

[All screaming]

[Crashing and thudding]

- [Coughs]

Hey, tyler.

Long time, no see.

- Isn't that your trailer?

[Rumbling and rattling]

- [Gasps]

[Crashing]

- Girls...

- Debbie moved the comvee.

- Eliza forgot to set the parking brake.

- [Laughs] oh, man.

That's even better than the time

You didn't tie the boat to the dock.

- I did tie it.

My knot came undone.

- Kids, I think you're missing the point.

The rowboat drifted a few yards

In -foot-deep water.

What we have here is a large motor home

Stuck in a ravine.

- [Laughing and hooting]

Ooh? Hmm.

[Jabbering]

- Astonishing.

No fingers in the nose.

No yanking of the ears.

And he hasn't put a single bug in your hair.

[Laughs]

I'd say you've won over our donnie

In record time.

- Nigel, I'm worried about making our deadline.

We've only got three days to find the clawless otter,

And you know how rare they are.

What are we gonna do?

[Metal creaking]

[Clattering]

- Now, while those good men

Are taking care of raising our trusty comvee

From its cavernous prison,

We will go forth with our journey.

- But, nigel, how did you possibly arrange a boat

On such short notice?

- Oh, it took some wheeling and dealing, as they say,

But we'll cruise down the congo in true adventure style,

Much like henry morton stanley in .

- A cruise? [Gasps]

You mean with a breakfast buffet and a disco and a pool?

- Get real.

They didn't have disco in .

- I'm sure your father means we're following stanley's route

But in a modern powerboat.

- Oh, not at all, lovie.

Our vessel will be fueled by steam and wood.

- She's a beauty, uncle nigel.

- Yeah, dad. Oh, it's cool.

- Not "it."

Boats are always called "she"s.

- How do you know?

- Learned it at camp.

Besides, look at her name.

- [Scoffs] yeah, well...

If I were prudence,

I wouldn't be too thrilled

To have my name on this piece of junk.

[Clattering, steam hissing]

- Oh, deborah, you'll feel differently

When you get out on the river,

The tropical winds in your hair.

[Laughing]

All aboard!

[Boat whistle blaring]

- Kids, you all saw the life preservers, didn't you?

- Oh, don't you worry, aunt marianne.

I'm a champion swimmer.

- Just in case, ty.

- Tyler, don't.

There's crocodiles in the river.

- Oh, no, they're not.

The internet says

They stay on the banks this early.

- Oh, yeah?

Did the internet tell you

That crocodiles drag their victims underwater

And chomp them in half?

That they'll eat buffaloes, lions, and even people?

- Uh...no.

- Don't even try, tyler.

Miss fun fact will get you every time.

- Whew! Loaded and ready to go.

Everyone, we're on a tight schedule.

Anyone spots an otter, let me know.

- Sure, aunt marianne.

I'll find one for you. - Yeah, right.

You've never even seen a clawless otter.

- Aunt marianne! I see an otter!

- Oh! Where?

- [Scoffs]

[Slurping]

- Ooh!

[Sniffing]

[Grunts]

[Giggling]

Ooh, wha-ooh!

[Chuckles and jabbers]

- Nigel, look what tyler spotted.

Isn't it great having ty here, eliza?

Oh, this is perfect.

Ready to go on camera?

- Absolutely, lovely.

Tyler, perhaps you'd be my first mate

And steer the boat.

- No problem, uncle nigel.

- Might not be so bad having the kid around.

He can do all the work.

Great cds, ty! Thanks!

- No problem, cuz.

- "No problem, cuz."

"I'll find the otter, aunt marianne."

What a kiss-up.

- So what is with your sister and that chimp?

- Ha! Who knows?

I just tune it out.

- [Jabbers]

- Thanks, donnie.

- Just a warning.

You shouldn't eat anything that donnie gives you.

- [Gulps]

Oh, you're just trying to scare me,

Just like the time you told me

That raisins were bugs without legs.

- [Laughs]

You believed that for a year!

[Laughter]

- You remember that time I told you

I hit a home run out of yankee stadium,

And you fell for it?

- Yeah, like a seven-year-old plays major-league baseball.

- [Babbling and wailing]

Uhh, hmm?

[Laughs]

- Ah, right. Toss one across the plate.

- [Chuckles]

[Grunts]

- [Grunts]

Whoo-hoo! All right!

Home run for tyler tucker!

- Hoo...

- Don't worry, dude.

I'll get it.

- Tyler, no! You can't go in the water!

- Doesn't he know you have to wait an hour after eating

Before going in the water?

[Crocodile snarls]

- Oh, no! A crocodile!

- [Panting]

- Tyler, come back!

- I got to get the ball!

[Gasps]

- Tyler, don't panic.

There's a crocodile behind you.

Both: crocodile!

- [Gasps]

[Crocodile growls]

- No! You'll make him mad!

- [Grunts]

Tyler, grab this!

We'll pull you in!

- [Gasping]

- Hang on, tyler!

Hurry up! Nigel, nigel, come on!

Hurry, hurry, nigel! Come on! Pull it!

- [Babbling]

Whee-ow! Hoo-hoo!

- [Gasps]

Great gooseflesh!

Where's the boy?

- Guess I fooled that croc, didn't i?

[Laughs]

- Oh...

- Tyler, this isn't matawankic lake.

You can't go jumping into the water

Whenever you feel like it.

Oh, sometimes I think this life isn't safe for children.

- Oh, mom, when you're right, you are right.

Maybe we should all head back.

Thanks, ty, for showing us the error of our ways.

Check, please.

- Don't listen to debbie.

I'll make sure tyler doesn't get in any more trouble.

- Hey, I can take care of myself.

- Tyler, here in africa,

Life is fraught with danger.

Why, just last week,

Eliza had a serious encounter with a lioness.

- [Scoffs] I was totally fine.

- I suggest you handcuff the two kids together

And take your chances.

- I am not a kid. I'm a teenager.

- You don't turn for four more weeks.

We're the same age.

- [Scoffs] no, we're not.

You're still a kid.

- What?

- Marianne, they appear to be having

A bit of a cousiny spat.

What should we do?

- Oh, they'll work it out.

They just need to give each other some space.

[Thunder crashing]

- [Gibbering]

Wha!

- You're hogging the blanket.

- Well, I'm getting wet.

- Everyone doing all right?

- Right as rain, dearest.

[Laughs and snorts]

- [Groans]

I bet that stanley guy

Didn't travel down the congo

With his whole entire family and a monkey.

[Engine chugging]

- We'll head for stanley pool.

We're going to put on some speed,

As they say.

Would you children be loves

And check for rocks?

- Yeah, sure, dad.

- Okeydokey, uncle nigel.

Uncle nigel, turn quick!

There's a huge rock off port side.

- [Gasps]

- Your rock is a hippo.

[Laughs]

- Well, it looked like a rock.

- Oh, common mistake, my boy.

The hippo must keep submerged during the heat of day

As they have no sweat glands.

- Uncle nige, go a little closer.

I want to get a good sh*t.

- Absolutely not, tyler.

The hippopotamus

Is the most dangerous animal in africa.

- But they just eat grass.

- Oh, yes,

But that doesn't keep them from attacking

Anything that enters their territory.

- Yikes.

Kind of like eliza.

[Laughs]

- You are so annoying.

Dad, tell us a captain jack story.

- Oh, yeah, uncle nigel.

I haven't heard you tell one of those

Since I was a kid.

- Let's see.

When last we left our intrepid captain jack,

He was going to sail around the cape of good hope.

- That's in south africa.

- I know.

- [Clears throat]

Shall we, then?

As captain jack was loading his vessel

With foodstuffs and protection against pirates--

It being and everything--

[Chuckles]

He was approached by his cousin, um, elizabeth,

To journey with him.

- Huh? - His cousin?

- I thought captain jack didn't take anyone along.

- Normally, no,

But he made an exception.

After all, she was family.

- This doesn't sound like the captain jack I know.

- Children, I believe you are missing the point.

Ahem!

You see, after the two were chased by enemy ships

And survived rapids and dreadful leeches,

They became the best of friends.

- Dear, isn't that the plot ofthe african queen?

- [Mumbling]

- [Laughs]

You remember the time

When eliza got a bloodsucker on her at the lake

And she wouldn't stop crying?

- You would have cried too.

We were only .

-Youwere .

I was /.

- Oh... [Groans]

Well, perhaps we should call it a night.

Don't forget your mosquito netting.

Nothing like terra firma under our feet

And an unexplored jungle ahead.

We're bound to find some firewood.

- And the children can't get in any trouble on a boat.

Lead the way, captain jack.

- [Snoring]

- [Grunting]

Uncle nigel and aunt marianne

Won't be back for a while.

Time for a little spin.

- [Shrieking and babbling]

- Shh!

Avast, ye sleepyheads!

Captain tucker has taken command of theprudence.

- Gee, that's exciting.

- Oh, we're moving!

- Yeah, I want to drive this rust bucket.

- It's not a rust bucket.

I mean,sheis not a rust bucket.

- Isn't he/she/it going kind of fast?

- Oh, yeah.

I really stoked the fire.

Your parents are bringing back more wood,

So why not?

- That's why not!

- Oh, pssh!

Like I'm gonna fall for that.

It's just a bunch of hippos.

- I'm serious! Those are not hippos!

- I told you, tyler-- miss fun fact is never wrong!

- We're going to hit those rocks!

Whoa!

[Shrieks]

[All grunting and straining]

- [Wailing]

[All shrieking]

[Metal screeching and crunching]

- What was that?

- Uh, sounds like the propeller hit something.

- Okay, nobody panic!

Is that bad?

- It just means we can't move,

Thanks to tyler.

- So I made a little mistake.

- Little?

We're stuck out here!

- I'll just go down there and fix it.

- Nope. I'll go.

- You?

You can't hold your breath underwater

As long as me.

Besides, I'm a teenager.

- Not yet!

- Time-out!

Iama teenager,

So I will decide.

Now separate, and let me think.

[Water splashing]

- [Sniffs]

Dearest, I believe we're being tracked.

[Bells jingling]

Why, it's the basenji,

The faithful dog of the pygmies.

- I didn't even hear them bark.

- That's because they're barkless,

In order to hunt more stealthily.

- Hello!

Do you, by chance, have two girls, two boys,

And a chimpanzee

Traveling by small boat?

- You know, I really don't see why a champion swimmer

Has to wear this dumb rope around his waist.

- You don't know what's down there.

- Ty, tug on this

If you even think you see a crocodile,

And if we see something, we'll tug for you to come up.

- There might be snakes.

- Snakes?

I'll be okay.

[Inhales deeply]

- [Grunting]

- [Gasping]

- Did you fix it?

- Couldn't!

There was a snake!

- I'm going!

- [Jabbering]

- No. No. I'm okay.

It's probably gone now.

- [Babbling]

- Oh, both of you go, and make it snappy!

The place is crawling with crocs.

You guys are not going back down there.

- But we've got to fix this.

- No one leaves this boat.

[Both grunting]

Understood?

- I forgot how bossy she was.

- Hello? I heard that!

I'm only over here!

[Laughter]

- Ty, we're sinking!

We've got to get to shore!

- [Panting and gibbering]

- [Grunts] - ahh...

- Stay here! I need to talk--

Uh, I mean, assign something to darwin.

I've got a plan.

Tyler thinks I'm telling you in sign language.

- There's no time.

Just whisper it to me.

- I'm gonna get... [Whispering]

- [Hooting]

- Wow.

You're really good at this sign language stuff.

- Thanks. Now we can climb across.

- [Gibbering]

Wha-whoa!

- Donnie!

- [Gasps]

[Grunts]

- Come on, donnie.

[Grunting]

[Basenji baying]

- Heavens! Hippos!

[Hippos grunting]

Eliza! Get back in the boat!

- [Gasping]

[Crocodiles growling]

- [Gasping]

- Hey, hippo!

- You...

Get out of my river!

- I'm trying, believe me.

Could you just leave us alone?

- The boy is first,

Then you.

- I don't know about that.

Those crocodiles are pretty fast.

- Huh?

Crocs don't scare us.

- Looks like they want the boy too.

You might want to claim him,

It being your river and all.

- [Roaring]

[All snarling and growling]

- [Grunts]

- You okay?

- I went to the bottom,

And I stayed there as long as I could.

- [Sighs]

Good thing you're the champion

Of holding your breath underwater.

- I'm gonna miss that rust bucket.

- Wha-hoo!

[Gibbering]

- Gentlemen,

I can't thank you enough.

Here's the money for the comvee

And, of course, uh, forprudence.

- I never thought I would say this, but...

Home sweet home!

Dibs on the first shower.

- Ty, it's not too late to call your parents,

If you want to go home.

You've had quite an adventure

With those crocodiles and hippos.

- There's no dishonor in conquering the river congo

And calling it a day, my boy.

- Get out while you can.

- What do you think, eliza?

- What are you guys talking about?

Ty was supposed to stay four weeks;

He's staying four weeks.

He did great out there.

- Ah, I guess I did, didn't i?

So do I get to see the famous comvee now?

Where's my room?

Oh, I bet it's gonna be so great.

- Hold on, pirate boy.

I want to draw some boundary lines.

- Kids, wipe your feet.

- Ty, uh, perhaps I should show you

What doodads and gizmos you shouldn't touch.

- Oh, this is so cool!

- Like that one.

- Is this eliza's stuff?

- [Groans]

What am I doing out here?

[Objects clattering]

- [Laughs]

- You are so annoying.