05x04 - Clash and Learn

[bunniefuu]

This is me, Eliza Thornberry,

part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is Donnie-- we found him.

And Darwin? He found us.

[jabbering]

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves

'cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

and my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

[panting]

And between you and me,

something amazing happened...

and now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[groans]

Doesn't this river ever end?!

NIGEL: Let's liven things up a bit

with a little traveling ditty,

shall we?

We shall!

[chortles]

♪ We are the Thornberrys, we are, we are ♪

♪ We ride around in our floating car ♪

♪ All a-twitter, sailing down the river ♪

♪ Going not so close, but moving rather far... ♪

[stomach growls]

NIGEL: One more time!

♪ We are the Thornberrys, we are, we are ♪

[groans]

♪ We ride around in our floating car... ♪

Ooh!

♪ All a-twitter, sailing down... ♪

[yells]

Got you again!

Excellent!

[chuckles]

I got a million of 'em

from spending all those boring months on tour.

You call hanging out with rock stars,

going to parties at cool clubs

and singing in front of , people every night "boring"?

Sometimes-- and by the way, it was , people.

What is so amusing about Shane torturing me?

First he poured honey in my shampoo bottle.

Then he put sneezing powder in my cheese munchies.

And now this!

It's funny.

Hmm, well, I don't think so.

I want you to tell him to stop.

Come on, Dar, deal.

Why are you suddenly making me feel bad

for asking you to take my side?

Eliza, you're my best friend, and I...

DEBBIE:Finally!

Civilization!

Bethel, Alaska, lads and lasses--

teeming metropolis

of the Yukon Delta National Wildlife Refuge.

Okay, Eliza, show me the musk-ox.

Even popped in a fresh tape.

We have to wait for my friend Kit.

Kit? Who's she?

He.

I met him in an online earth science class

when he and his family were living up by the Arctic Circle

and me and my family were in Australia.

Anyway, I promised we'd help him collect

some musk-ox hair if he was our guide.

"Guide"? They're musk-ox.

Shouldn't we be able to find them by scent?

Going along with them, Deborah?

Gee, collect smelly musk-ox hair?

Sounds so tempting...not!

I'm staying right here and kicking back

and ordering in.

According to the Internet,

Bethel is the take-out-and-delivery capital

of southwestern Alaska.

Right...

I'd better call around first, find out when places open.

NIGEL: Splendid agenda, Debbie.

It's essential to support each daughter's unique nature.

And you're so good at it, too.

[plane approaching]

That must be the plane taking us to film

the walruses at the Round Island haul-out.

Good gracious!

A deadly cross wind!

[alarms blaring]

Wow! That was close!

Smashing and dashing, old man.

An arrival worthy of an ace in the RAF.

[in British accent]: As a matter of fact, I was in the RAF.

You're a... a woman.

Deanna Albright at your service.

You must be Marianne.

And you must be Sir Nigel, the fellow wholoveswalruses

as much as I do.

Yes, I am both

of those people, aren't I?

[both laughing]

Well, we'd best be off.

The walruses are hauling themselves

onto Round Island as we speak.

[grunting with exertion]

ELIZA: He looks just like

the photo he e-mailed me.

Hey, Kit!

Eliza!

We don't need him along, Eliza.

I mean, the Shane needs no guide.

KIT: He does if he expects

to find anything.

Uh, Kit, this is...

Shane G., I know.

Or do I need permission

to speak to you, Your Royal Highness?

Shane's not some stuck-up celebrity.

He's really nice.

It's okay-- I get this 'tude a lot.

Hey, get to know me a little first.

Then decide if you think

I'm a jerk, okay?

Yeah, I guess that's cool.

So, ready to hit the trail?

DEBBIE: Eliza, aren't you

forgetting something?

[chattering]

I want him out!

Because if he stays,

he'll eat all the food I'm ordering!

And let's face it,

he needs to eat less, not more.

What did she just say?

Why did she look at my... problem area like that?

[shrieks]

She thinks I'm fat.

No, she just thinks food tastes better

when you work up an appetite first.

"Work up an appetite"?

That's not an easy thing to do

with her horrible face scowling at me!

What did he say?

Um, "thanks for the advice."

Okay, we got to go.

Hmm!

[dialing]

Uh, hello, information.

Um, I need the phone number

for every take-out restaurant in Bethel.

SHANE: So what do you collect the musk-ox hair for?

Kit's a Yupik Eskimo.

They spin the hair into yarn,

then use it to weave blankets, knit sweaters.

Like these.

SHANE: Wow, they're beautiful.

This is my family's store.

Really? Cool!

Count me in on collecting hair.

I can do it in between camera takes.

Yeah?

Well, then I'll grab you a sack, too.

I think Kit likes you.

He's really cool.

Hey, Kit, Shane thinks you're really...

Yo, Shane, wait up.

SHANE: So the hair just clings to these berry bushes

as the musk-oxen wander by?

[fussing noisily]

Yup, that's it.

So is that why you're called "You-pick"--

because you pick up the hair?

Lame, Shane.

You want berries?

Come on, take some.

[both taunting]

[both laughing]

Charge!

[giggling]

Gotcha!

[giggles]

I thought you were going

to help me collect hair.

You've hardly got any.

Not yet, but I'll pick more than you.

KIT: Not.

SHANE: Set a time limit and let's go.

ELIZA: I can keep time

and collect hair at the same time.

Sure.Whatever.

Ready...

set...

go!

[all panting]

[watch timer beeps]

Time's up!

I win!

All right.

I got more than you!

No way.

Check it out.

[grunting in distance]

[groans]

Not much fun

being left out, is it?

It's so annoying,

and Kit was my friend first.

Actually,Iwas your friend first.

What's that supposed to mean?

[loud thump nearby]

[shouting]

Hunters!

No, it's not hunters, Dar.

It's two bulls.

[snorting]

[banging]

What a sight!

And sound!

Pretty awesome, huh?

You know, my friends and I

sometimes run between them

just before they collide.

Oh, yeah? Let's see you do it.

Oh, hey, I've done it.

The question is: Will you do it?

You're on.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

All right, I'll go first...

show you how it's done.

[laughs]

You call that close?

I could have swum backstroke

if I started when you did.

Hey, Shane, I can...

Try to film with a steady hand.

This'll really be something.

[grunts]

Woo-hoo! How about that?!

Who's number one?!

Shane, that's who!

Are you kidding?

I cut it much closer than you.

Oh, so you want to try again, huh?

I'll cut it closer than both of you!

Step back, Kit, she sounds serious.

She looks serious, too.

Is it my imagination

or are you going to try and top

what they just did?

If I do this, they can't ignore me.

Eliza, have you lost your mind?!

No, don't do it!

[panting]

[screams]

[screams]

[all sigh]

Boy, when you said

you were going to cut it close,

you weren't kidding.

Good thing we were here to save you.

Yeah.Yeah!

[both laughing]

Oh, thank goodness you're all right!

Quit it, Dar.

They already had to save me.

You're making it worse.

You nearly get flattened by a musk-ox

and all you care about is what...theythink?!

[laughing]

You used to care what I thought.

After all, we're supposed to be best friends.

Oh, come on, stop being so dramatic.

Hmm, I think I'll go back to the commvee now...

that Debbie would prefer my company more than you.

Fine, I don't care.

Hey, how about I do some filming?!

BOTH: ♪ Rule Britannia

♪ Britannia rules the waves.

[both chuckle]

Aren't they smashing, Sir Nigel?

Yes.

That's precisely the word for them, Deanna.

[Nigel chuckling]

Good show, Marianne.

Oh, ah... oh!

[grunts]

Oh, careful.

We almost lost you.

Are you all right, dearest?

Uh... of course.

I just lost my balance-- that's all.

Happens all the time.

I mean, it hardly ever happens.

Absolutely.

Now let's go film those blushing walruses.

[grunting]

Oh!

Something wrong, my pet?

[straining]: No, no-- I'm fine.

Here, let me help.

I got it, I got it.

[chuckling]

Hi. I'm Eliza.

Um... hello.

Are you talking tous?

Well, I was trying to.

But you're a human.

Shouldn't you be talking

to those other humans over there?

I would if I could.

See, we started out together, the three of us--

well, four of us, actually--

but then those two pretty much shoved me out.

You mean, you don't belong to a herd?

Those guys are supposed to be my herd,

but no matter what I do, they won't let me in.

I even tried playing by their rules.

How can you not belong to a herd?

Everyone belongs to one.

If we didn't form herds,

we'd never be able to survive.

Well, I guess I'm stuck being a herd of one.

What happened to the fourth?

The fourth?

What do you mean?

Well, you said there were four of you.

Did the other one get shoved out, too?

I guess he did.

What's wrong?

[sniffing]

Wolves.

They're coming.

A musk-ox-hair blanket will keep you warm

during the coldest...

Guys! Guys!

Don't tell us, Eliza.

You want to see who can pick the most berries.

In, like, ten seconds.

Wolves are in the area!

We've got to get out of here.

Eliza, sure you're not, like, crying wolf?

Sure you're not, like, blind?

That's what the herd does to protect itself from predators.

Is it?

I mean, you live here.

It doesn'talwaysmean...

There.

And there.

[growling]

[wolves howling and snarling]

Uh... I say we get out of here before they spot us.

Or smell us!

[all panting]

[gasps]

Uh-oh.

[sniffing]

They're onto us.

[sniffs]

I wonder what they smelled.

Who cares?

It wasn't us.

Well, it must be easier pickings

than those musk-ox.

[gasps]

Darwin!

You want to chase the wolves?

I have to make sure Darwin's okay.

Eliza, be serious.

Do you really want to risk your life for a pet?

He's not a pet.

He's my best friend in the whole world.

Oh, look, I'm just saying.

I'm going, too.

Hey, wait up.

NIGEL: The Round Island haul-out is the exclusive province

of the male walrus,

who come here in large groups to bask in the summer sun.

As you can see, they're quite brown-colored now,

but soon they'll blush a reddish pink.

Watching these wonderful specimens

in a state of blissful relaxation,

I find myself envying them their male bonding ritual.

[grunts]

Dearest, what's wrong?

Goodness, Marianne, you're in pain!

Oh, I must have strained my back

lugging all the equipment.

But I'm fine, really.

No, you're not.

It's back to the commvee with you straightaway

so we can get a heat pack on it.

My back can wait.

This is our only chance to film the walruses.

How about I handle the camera for you?

Well, it's a bit tricky.

Oh, I've had plenty of experience.

Why, I remember

when I was guiding the Duke of Devonshire down the Congo,

we spotted a hippo.

The walruses-- they're blushing!

Oh, right!

Darwin!

Dar![boys panting]

[Darwin shrieking]

This way! Hurry!

[panting]

[Darwin whimpering]

Oh no!

Oh no, Dar!

Now what?

We've got nothing to fight those wolves with.

We've got our brains.

Follow me and do what I do.

[grunting]

[wolves snarling]

[shrieks]

[Eliza, Shane and Kit shouting]

[shouting]

SHANE: Get out of here!

[Kit shouting]

Yeah, we did it!

[laughs]

[whimpering]

Dar... Dar?

[shrieks]

[whimpering]

[crying]

Everything's okay now.

Oh, you're all right.

I feel bad about how I treated you today...

well, how I've treated you

ever since Shane came.

See, I just wanted to push my way in with Shane and Kit,

only I ended up pushing you away.

I'm really, really sorry.

You are my best friend, Dar.

Nothing's ever going to change that.

Oh, of course I forgive you.

Oh.

NIGEL: You are a puzzle, dearest.

I simply can't fathom why you overdid it today.

Usually you're happy

to let me share the burden with you.

Well, it's just that...

I... you see, I, um...

Oh, okay, here's the truth.

I'm feeling just a teeny bit competitive with Deanna.

Deanna? What on earth for?

She's so capable.

Oh, but Marianne, you're fantastically capable.

Yes, but it's just...

I've never met a woman who was more like me than me.

A woman like you?

That's patently impossible.

Why, there's no one in the world like you.

That's why I love you so much.

[kisses] [giggles]

Oh, Marianne, you're blushing

like a sun-drenched walrus.

[giggling]: Oh, Nigel,

you have such a way with words.

[chuckles]

Confidentially, I no longer envy

all those male walruses stuck together

without any females around.

[wolves howling]

[snarling]

Don't these wolves have anything better to do?

Let's make a run for it.

No, that's just what they want us to do;

then they can separate us

and bring down the slowest runner.

Let's do what the musk-ox herds do.

What-- form a circle?

Then we'll all be trapped.

If we couldn't outrun one wolverine back in Denali,

we'll never outrun a whole pack.

It's three votes to one.

Three?

Yes, three.

Darwin's part of this group

and his vote counts.

Now let's form up in a circle.

Put Darwin in the middle.

[growls]

[snarling]

Use your stuff to hold them off.

Back off!

[shouts]

[gasps]

[wolves growling]

[Kit and Eliza grunting]

[snarling]

[cries out]

[grunting]

[snarls]

[whimpering]

[groans]

[shrieking]

[growls]

[panting]

[Darwin chattering furiously]

[chattering]

[hooting]

[hoots]

Thanks, dude.

You totally saved me.

Only you can't understand a word I'm saying.

I know.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

Now I think he understands.

I think so, too.

Yeah, okay, that's cool, too.

[chewing loudly]

SHANE: Uh, Wolf Fighters... Wolf Beaters...

Wolf... Wolf... Angry Wolf...

Shane, are you okay?

Oh, I'm just trying to come up with a name for our group.

A name?

Yeah-- we dashed between charging musk-ox bulls

and fought off a pack of wolves.

Twice.

Exactly. So we deserve a name.

How about The Three Musk-ox-eteers?

Get it-- The Three Musk-ox-eteers?

Four, Kit-- The Four Musk-ox-eteers?

Right-- don't want to leave out

the most important one.

[all laughing]

NIGEL: ♪ ... All a-twitter, sailing down the river ♪

♪ Going not so close but moving rather far... ♪

One more time!

♪ We are the Thornberrys, we are, we are ♪

♪ We ride around in our floating car ♪

♪ All a-twitter, sailing down the river ♪

♪ Going not so close but moving rather far. ♪

[song ends]

NIGEL: Marianne, you're blushing like a sun-drenched walrus.