01x03 - Inside Ralphie

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Magic School Bus". Aired: September 10, 1994 – December 6, 1997.*
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Ms. Frizzle embarks on adventures with her class on the eponymous school bus.
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01x03 - Inside Ralphie

Post by bunniefuu »

[Beep beep]

Seat belts,

Everyone!

Please let this

Be a normal

Field trip.

With the frizz?

All: no way!

Ohh!

♪ Cruisin' on down main street ♪

♪ You're relaxed

And feelin' good ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Next thing that you know,

You're seein' ♪

Wa-ha-ha-hoo!

♪ An octopus

In the neighborhood! ♪

♪ Surfin' on a sound wave ♪

♪ Swingin' through the stars ♪

♪ Take a left

At your intestine ♪

♪ Take your second right

Past mars ♪

♪ On the magic school bus ♪

♪ Navigate a nostril ♪

Ah-choo!

♪ Climb on

The magic school bus ♪

♪ Spank a plankton, too ♪

Take that!

♪ On our magic school bus ♪

♪ Raft a river of lava ♪

♪ On the magic school bus ♪

♪ Such a fine thing to do! ♪

Whoa!

♪ So strap your bones

Right to the seat ♪

♪ Come on in

And don't be shy ♪

♪ Just to make

Your day complete ♪

♪ You might get baked

Into a pie ♪

♪ On the magic school bus ♪

♪ Step inside,

It's a wilder ride! ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ride on

The magic school bus ♪

[Beep beep]

I told them I'd have an idea

For broadcast day--

[Coughing]

So I'll have an idea

For broadcast day.

[Coughing]

Why don't I have an idea

For broadcast day?

Mom: ralphie!

Get up, ralphie.

You're going to be late

For school.

Oh, no.

[Cough]

Ralphie,

What are you doing?

Our class is broadcasting

Two hours

Of live television

Today,

And I said I'd

Have a show

For them to do,

And I don't yet...

[Coughing]

But I will.

No, you won't.

What?!

It's my opinion

As your mother

And as a doctor

That you have a fever,

Which means

You are sick,

Which means you are

Going back to bed.

But--but, mom!

No buts about it,

Ralphie.

I'm sure your class

Can do broadcast day

Without you.

We can't do it without him!

And we go on

In an hour!

Where is he?

[Telephone ringing]

I'll get it.

[Telephone ringing]

I was wondering

Where you got to.

Hello.

Yes, dr. Tinelli.

Dr. Tinelli--

That's ralphie's mom.

Uh-huh. Yes, I see.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yes. He's sick?

Oh, poor ralphie.

Why aren't

I surprised?

Of course.

He must stay in bed.

What?

In bed?

What about

Broadcast day?

Yes, dr. Tinelli.

Thank you for calling.

Bye-bye.

Is ralphie

Staying home

From school today,

Ms. Frizzle?

Yes, I'm afraid so,

Arnold.

What are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

Why, we're taking

School to him,

Of course!

To the bus.

[Beep beep]

Dorothy ann: are we doing

Broadcast day

From ralphie's room,

Ms. Frizzle?

What better place

To take chances,

Make mistakes?

And it sure is messy.

Ms. Frizzle,

Are you sure this visit

Isn't a field trip?

What do you think,

Arnold?

I think ralphie

Shouldn't have

Stayed home today.

How can anything

That smells like

Grape shoe polish

Help my body

Get well? Echh.

It will if you take

One teaspoon

Three times a day.

And don't forget to

Shake well before using.

Like this?

Even your jokes

Are sick.

Open.

Ugh...oh, boy,

I feel great!

Mom, you are

A miracle doctor.

Can I go

To school now?

Forget it, ralphie.

I've got to go see

Another patient,

But grandpa's downstairs

If you need anything.

I'll check in later.

[Door closes]

If I get an idea,

I'll still have time

To phone it in.

That's it--a phone-in.

[Beep beep]

Ha ha ha!

Hi. We're here!

Hello!

Ralphie,

We're here.

I must be hallucinating.

Maybe I'm sicker

Than I thought.

Hi, ralphie.

How you doing?

Gee, you look

Terrible.

Don't worry.

I'll have you

Camera-ready

In no time.

[Coughing]

Is it just me,

Or is my entire class

Standing in my room?

Aren't you glad

To see us?

We came to do

Broadcast day.

Really?

What a great idea.

Now and then,

I do have them,

Ralphie.

Speaking of great ideas,

What's yours, ralphie?

Mine? Oh, you mean

For broadcast day?

[Coughing]

Oh, you'd better

Take it easy, ralphie.

Your body is telling you

To slow down.

But, ms. Frizzle,

I can't!

We have

A show to do.

What does

My body know anyway?

Oh, it knows a lot

About the detection

And rejection

Of infection, ralphie.

Whoa!

Inside you,

At this moment,

There is action,

Excitement, adventure.

Exactly what we need

For our show.

So what's your idea,

Ralphie?

Uh...well...um.

[Coughing]

Oh, what's going on

With my body, anyway?

That's an excellent

Question, ralphie.

Class, everyone

Back to the bus.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

But, ms. Frizzle,

We just got here.

Mm-hmm.

Single file, please.

Wait! Where are you going?

You can't go

On a field trip now,

And I can't do broadcast day

All by myself.

[Coughing]

I'm sick.

[Whirring]

Huh? Wait a minute!

Wh-what's going on?

It was your idea,

Ralphie.

We're here to get

The inside story.

Inside story?

Inside what?

What about

Broadcast day?

Think, ralphie.

Where is all the action

Right now?

The action?

Liz, what are you doing?

Hang on a second.

The action is all inside me.

What a great idea.

Broadcast day

Could be about

What's going on

Inside me.

Excellent, ralphie.

R-r-roll tape!

This is fnn.

Good afternoon.

I'm ralphie, and this is

The frizzle news network.

Welcome to our live

On-the-scene coverage

Of a natural disaster

Of major proportions--

My poor, sick body.

Over to you,

Keesha.

Thanks, ralphie.

One disturbing question

Remains unanswered

At this hour--

What's making

Ralphie sick?

The fnn news team

Hopes to find out.

And to do that they will go

Straight to the troubled zone--

My sore throat.

Seat belts,

Everyone.

Ralphie, say, "ahh."

Ahh.

Aah!

[Gulp]

[Splat]

[Lisping]

I've never seen that

From the outside before.

Keesha:

The fnn news team

Is nearing

The disaster area.

In a moment, we will

Have live footage.

Ralphie:

See anything yet?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Get a sh*t

Of those

Vocal cords, class.

Tim: look how red and

Swollen his throat is.

No wonder it hurts.

The question is

Why is it red and swollen,

And why does it...

[Coughing]

Kids:

Yow!

Aah!

Whoa!

Hey, where'd they go?

Where's the bus?

Huh?

Ralphie, did you

Have to cough?

Sorry.

I couldn't help it.

At this rate,

We'll never get

The inside story

Of what's making

Ralphie sick.

We've got

To find

Another way in.

Mm-hmm. It's not as easy

For us or germs

To get inside the body

As you might think.

Yeah. Skin pretty much

Covers it.

How are you gonna get

The inside story

If you can't get inside?

Wait a second. I've got it!

Look at this!

Is it just me,

Or does this say,

"This way in"?

It's a shortcut.

Get it? Shortcut.

Carlos, yuck!

Excellent observation,

Carlos.

Seat belts, everyone!

Wow!

You saw it first

On fnn news.

Hey, you guys!

The whole world

Wants to know

Now that you found

A way in,

How are you gonna get

To my throat?

Ralphie's right!

We're all the way

Down at the knee.

Let's see if I can put you

In the picture.

As I always say,

For every trip,

There's a road map.

Keesha:

That's ralphie's bloodstream.

Could we

Travel through

His bloodstream

To get

To his throat?

Absolutely,

Dorothy ann.

♪ We'll take the trans-ralphie

Highway system ♪

And here we go! Wahoo!

This is ralphie for fnn news.

My entire class has just

Dived deep into my cut,

And it doesn't even hurt!

Tim:

What are those?

Those are tiny,

Tiny blood vessels.

They're all part

Of the bloodstream.

Eenie-meenie-miney-mo!

[Ms. Frizzle humming]

♪ Red river valley ♪

[Hums]

Head north, ms. Frizzle.

Yee-haw!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Is that my blood?

But I thought blood

Was red.

That stuff is clear.

Ms. Frizzle:

That's right, ralphie.

The liquid part

Of the blood is clear.

So what are

Those red things?

Are they what

Make blood look red?

Scintillating surmise,

Ralphie.

Dorothy ann:

According to my research,

They're called

Red blood cells.

And the white ones

Are white blood cells.

Ralphie:

But what are those

Jaggedy things?

Ms. Frizzle

Those are platelets.

Keesha: they help the body

Heal scrapes and cuts.

But we still don't

Know what's making

Me feel sick,

And, boy,

Do I feel sick.

Dr. Tinelli:

Ralphie! I'm home!

[Gasp]

There. Uh!

Oh!

Quick, hide, liz!

Hello, sweetheart.

Feeling any better?

Yeah, fine. Great.

It, um, looks

As if you've been busy.

Just a...er,

Game I was playing.

So, mom,

I think I'll get

Some sleep now.

Hey, what's that

You're watching?

What, this?

It's, um...nothing.

Just some movie.

You wouldn't

Like it.

Oh, I don't know about that.

It's remarkably realistic.

Look--red blood cells.

And those look exactly

Like white blood cells.

Nah.

Are you kidding?

Those are just cheap

Special effects.

Look. You can even

See the wires.

Ms. Frizzle

We're here.

Phoebe: we are?

Carlos: we're

In ralphie's throat?

Dorothy ann:

There are a lot more

White blood cells here.

Keesha: where are

They going?

Tim: looks like

They're after something.

Follow the white

Blood cells!

Sorry, ralphie.

What did you say?

Me? Did I say

Something?

Look. That truck thing

Is following

The white blood cells

Through

The blood vessel wall

To the place

Where the infection is.

Yes! They're getting

The inside story!

Heh heh. [Coughing]

Ms. Frizzle

Whoa! Ahh.

Now that we're inside

Ralphie's throat tissue,

Time for some

On-the-spot reporting,

Up close and personal.

Keesha, carlos--

Camera one.

The trick here

Is not to make eye contact.

[Whistling]

Phoebe and arnold,

You take camera two.

I'm the one

Who should have

Stayed home today.

Way to go, guys.

Take chances.

Get messy.

Get out there.

Get the story.

Just don't mention

My name, ok?

Ralphie,

Are you talking

To yourself?

Not exactly, mom.

Wanda: now over

To keesha and carlos,

Live from the throat.

Ralphie,

That little girl

Looks just like

Your friend wanda.

Who, her?

No, no, no.

Wanda's

Much shorter.

Carlos here.

We're out here

In the throat tissue,

Trying to find out

What's going on,

And--hey, what's that?

Look at that,

Folks! Whoa!

Have we got us

Some action here.

Those yellow green

Balls are destroying

That wall.

What are those

Green things?

Those are

Bacterial cells.

They're actually

Not unlike the bacteria

That are making you sick.

That's bacteria,

And it's making

Me sick?

This just in, folks.

That's bacteria,

And it's making ralphie sick.

And according to my research,

Bacteria are germs.

Once inside our bodies,

They can make us sick.

Ralphie has

A bacterial infection!

This is it--

The inside story--

Bacteria

inv*de throat.

Is it just me,

Or did they say "ralphie"?

No, no.

It says here

This show's

About a guy

Named alphie.

Ix-nay

On my ame-nay.

The bacteria from ralphie's

Throat infection are everywhere,

And they're destroying

His throat cells!

Look! Look! Here come

Some white blood cells.

Whoa! Wow!

It's throwing stuff

At the bacteria.

That...that was incredible!

That white blood cell

Just ate those bacteria.

That huge battle

Is going on

Inside me--

[Coughing]

I mean,

Inside alphie?

[Coughing]

This battle is raging!

Who's going to win?

No wonder

I'm sick.

Arnold here, on location

With the infection.

I'm going to try to get

An exclusive interview

With these two bacteria.

I mean, four bacteria.

I mean,

Eight bacteria.

Hey, guys,

They're multiplying!

Help!

Carlos:

Bad news, guys.

The bacteria

From the infection

Are multiplying faster

Than the white blood cells

Can gobble them up!

We're losing!

All:

Let's get out of here!

How could

My body lose?

Ralphie,

Are you all right?

I don't think you

Should be watching this.

No! I mean--

Heh heh heh--

Please don't

Turn it off, mom.

I want to see

How it ends.

I'll tape it for us

Downstairs.

But you don't

Understand.

What I understand

Is that your body needs

To save its strength

So it can use

Its energy to battle

Those bacteria.

You have to rest, sweetheart.

It's not just me, ralphie.

Any good doctor knows

The best cure

Is complete rest.

[Door closes]

Over to me--dorothy ann.

Right now the white blood cells

Are losing!

Certainly

Looks that way,

Dorothy ann.

They need help!

They need backup support!

Ralphie, did you hear me?

Where's our backup support?

B-backup support?

Where do I get that?

Not to worry, ralphie.

It's already on its way.

Cue the medicine!

Is that the medicine

Mom gave me earlier?

It sure is, ralphie.

Look

What it's doing!

Phoebe:

It's destroying more bacteria!

The medicine is giving

The white blood cells

Another chance.

Arnold: and they're

Throwing out even more

Of those stick things.

Ms. Frizzle

Oh, those stick things

Are antibodies.

The white blood cells

Use them

To mark the bacteria.

♪ Dum dee dum dum ♪

I hope this doesn't mean

What I think it means.

Oh, no! Ralphie's antibodies

Have marked the bus as bacteria.

But we're not bacteria.

We're ralphie's friends.

But his white blood cells

Are doing such a good job.

They now recognize us

As enemies, too.

Enemies?

But we know what

White blood cells

Do to enemies.

That's right, arnold.

They'll try to destroy us.

Destroy us?

Ah, the wonder

Of the human body.

Arnold:

Ralphie, do something!

Ralphie!

You've got to help us!

[Screaming]

Ralphie, help!

Ralphie!

Don't worry, class.

In order to destroy us,

Ralphie's white blood cells

Will have to catch us first.

[Ring]

We've got to get out

Of ralphie's throat!

Ms. Frizzle

Good thinking,

Keesha.

When the spot

Is tight,

Hang a right!

[Gong]

Broadcast day! The story!

Where is everybody?

Ms. Frizzle here

With an update

On the ralphie story.

To escape

The white blood cells,

We left ralphie's throat

And are now heading up

His nasopharyngeal passages.

The what?

According to my research,

That means...his nose?

We're up

Ralphie's nose?

Eew!

Eew!

Eew!

That's the inside

Of my nose? Weird.

[Ah-choo]

Bless you.

Of course,

There's no telling

How long we'll

Have to stay here

Or how long we can

Stay here.

Liz, I'm trying

To think here.

I get it. I've got

To sneeze them out,

But I don't feel

Like sneezing.

Ah...ah...ah...ah...ah--

[Ah-choo]

Kids:

Whee!

Ha ha ha!

Ms. Frizzle

Second floor--boys' socks.

Going up!

All

Right!

Way to go,

Ralphie!

Yeah!

This is keesha, still

Reporting to you live for fnn.

We are now back

In ralphie's room.

So ralphie, what do you

Have to say

About today's amazing

Adventure?

Well, I'm sorry that

My body made such

A mess of it.

Wait a minute.

Do you really

Think

Your body's been

Working against you?

Sure, and against you, too.

You almost

Didn't get in, remember?

Only because

Your body's built

To keep out things

Like a bunch of germs

Or a bus full of kids.

And my throat is so sore

I can barely talk.

Only because

Your body is sending

Extra blood there

To help fight

The infection.

Ok. But what about when

You almost got gobbled up

By my white blood cells?

Only because

Your body thought

We were bacteria.

Your body was only

Trying to protect you.

I guess you're right.

My body was just trying

To get rid of germs,

Like you.

[Laughter]

Come along, class.

Good old body.

So that's the inside story,

Isn't it, ms. Frizzle?

That's the inside

Story, ralphie.

Pretty amazing,

Don't you think?

Well, we may have won

The battle, class,

But he's still

Fighting the w*r.

Wanda: hey, guys.

How's this for a concept?

Inside ralphie, the series.

Week one,

He gets a charley horse.

Week two, tennis elbow.

Week three, the final episode--

Athlete's foot.

[Laughter]

[Beeping]

Is this



<Span style="style">the magic school bus?</Span>



Is this



<Span style="style">the magic school bus?</Span>





<Span style="style">magic school bus?</Span>





<Span style="style">magic school bus?</Span>





<Span style="style">magic school bus?</Span>





Both:

<Span style="style"> magic school bus?</Span>



I want



<Span style="style">the magic school bus!</Span>



Sorry, liz,

But I can't hear a thing

[Telephone ringing]

[Gasp] liz,

Your heart sounds

Like a--telephone.

[Chuckles] hello?

Caller: hello.



Is this

<Span style="style"> the magic</span>





<Span style="style">school bus?</Span>



Yes, and you're

Talking to the producer.

Can I help you?

Yeah. What were those

Kids doing visiting

Ralphie when he was

So sick and tired?

Oh, don't worry.

He wasn't infectious.

Thanks for calling. Bye.

[Telephone ringing]



Hello.

<Span style="style"> magic</span>





<Span style="style">school bus.</Span>



Caller: you know, ralphie

Shouldn't go around

Picking scabs.

If the magic school bus

Got in, so could germs.

Good point.

Bandages, like skin,

Are there to keep

Germs out of your body.

Bacteria aren't

The only things

That can make you sick.

There are viruses,

Parasites, fungi, and--

Right, and some

Sickness isn't

Caused by infection

But by the body's own

Systems not working right.

Thanks for calling. Bye.

Whew.

[Telephone ringing]

Hello.



<Span style="style">magic school bus.</Span>



Caller: well, I think

That somebody should say

That medicine

Can be dangerous

And kids should never

Take medicines

Without an adult

In charge.

You just did.

Thank you.

Um, did ralphie

Ever get better?

He sure did.

His body did a great job

Of getting rid of

All those germs,

And he got just as healthy

As he was before.

And they should also

Say that your body's

Always trying

To be healthy.

You're absolutely right,

And there's a lot

You can do to help it out.

I know. Like

Eating properly,

Getting enough sleep,

And exercising.

Getting all your sh*ts

Is another way

To keep healthy.

sh*ts help your body

Be prepared

For some of the really

Tough germs.

I don't like

Getting sh*ts.

They sometimes hurt.

Me, neither, but I also

Don't like getting sick.

And I'd rather

Get a sh*t now

Than get sick later.

Me, too, I guess.

Hey, does ms. Frizzle

Ever get sick?

No way!

She takes good care

Of herself,

Gets all of her sh*ts,

And she's magic.

[Kiss]

♪ Surfin' on a sound wave ♪

♪ Swingin' through the stars ♪

♪ Take a left

At your intestine ♪

♪ Take your second right

Past mars ♪

♪ On the magic school bus ♪

♪ Navigate a nostril ♪

♪ Climb on

The magic school bus... ♪

♪ Raft a river of lava ♪

♪ On the magic school bus ♪

♪ So strap your bones

Right to the seat ♪

♪ Come on in

And don't be shy... ♪

♪ Step inside,

It's a wilder ride! ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ride on

The magic school bus ♪
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