03x08 - Double Date Danger

[bunniefuu]

[ horn honking ]

- You all heard the bell!

Get to class!

Schnell!

Go on, get to class!

Schnell!

I mean it!

Henry! Schtopp!

- Uh, Miss Shapen...

- Yeah? What?

- Why are you riding a tricycle?

- Oh because.

Last night, right before I fell asleep,

I stepped in cat food.

- And...?

- And by the time I woke up,

my cats had eaten part of my left foot.

- Oh geez! - Oh my god!

- Now Henry...

I'm thinking of a number

between and .

- That's cool for you.

- Guess what the number is.

- Uh...thirty-eight?

- Wrong! The number was thirt--

Pick another number!

- Uhhh...seventy-four.

- Wrong! Now you have to do me a favor.

- Ulch...Why?!?

- Because you picked the wrong number.

- May I just go to class please?

- No. Just stand there and say something every once in a while.

You too, Curly Sue.

Now this favor...

is about my niece, Noelle...

- Ooo, I love the name Noelle.

- Don't talk yet, Charlotte!

- Sorry.

- My niece is coming to visit,

here in Swellview.... - Okay.

And normally, I would have her stay with me,

but she's allergic to cats.

- Oh.

- And nuts. Cats and nuts.

- My cousin's allergic to nuts.

- Perfect timing.

You see Charlotte?

That's how you chime in.

Now, what was I talking about?

- Uhh...Your niece, Noelle, is allergic to cats.

- And nuts. Even nut dust.

So I want Noelle to stay at your house.

- What? Why my house?

- Because you guessed the wrong number!

- Hi...Aunt Sharona?

- Oh, hey. That's her.

Noelle...this is Henry.

You'll be crashin' at his place.

- Hiiii...Hey. It's really cool to meet you.

- Uh, stay at my house! - What--what are you doin'?

- I mean Noelle needs a place to stay, so!

- Well she can stay--

- I don't have any cats or nuts! - Well, neither do I!

- I mean, Miss Shapen, I could totally just--

- Hey! Who guessed the number wrong?

Me! I guessed wrong!

That means, she has to stay at my house.

Right Noelle? Thank you.

- Oh man, this is pathetic.

- Oh, Charlotte, will you please get to class?

- But I...

All right... you people are crazy.

Seriously, all a'you.

Cray...zeeee.

- You know I'm right.

- Yeah, I know you're annoying me.

- Come on, you pushed my last girlfriend

out of a window.

- Okay, only because

she was chasing Charlotte with a power tool!

- All right, all right...

What's this back-n-forth banter about?

- Okay--when two guys, who are buddies,

like the same girl, which guy gets her?

- Yeah, which guy gets her?

- "Gets her?"

Umph...what does that mean?

- Oh, I think they mean, uh...

which guy "obtains" her.

- Yeah, like, gets to have her.

- Mmhmm, for his own.

- You guys!

Miss Shapen's niece is a person.

She's not yours to "get" or "have".

She's not the last half of a sandwich.

- What's she saying? - Um...I guess--

- I'm saying, you should both ask her out,

and maybe let Noelle decide

which one of you she wants to go out with.

- What? - Pfft...

- "Let her decide."

- Okay! - Genius!

- What? Are you guys afraid to ask Noelle

which one of you she wants to go out with?

- Pfft. Yeah, right. No...

I doubt it, all right.

- Yeah, I am so sure.

I fear no man. - More like, not afraid.

- Hey, I just don't want you to be upset

when Noelle chooses to take the J-train.

- Uh, okay...

well the only thing more powerful than the J-train is...

...the H-b*mb.

[ makes expl*si*n sound ]

- I'm sorry "H-b*mb"

but here come da J-Train.

Chugga chugga, chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOO.

- Well...Boom! - A chugga chugga,

chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOO.

- Bwah! - Chugga chugga...

- Chugga chugga choo choo! - Boom! Bam!

[ g*n powers on ]

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles... and fight crime.

Feels good!

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- Oh come on! Mom!

- No. - Daaaad!

- Well... - No!

- No!

- Ulch! I don't get why it's such a big deal!

- We don't get why it's a big deal.

- I mean, I see why it's such a big deal.

I-I just... I'm sorry, what?

- Mom, it's one date, with one boy!

- You are too young to go on dates with boys.

- Ulch...Okay... I know what's going on here.

You guys just don't like the idea

of me going out with Kale.

- Now Piper... - It's true!

You think Kale's a loser,

just 'cuz his dad has no job

and 'cuz his mom drives a dirty bus!

- Well, I don't feel comfortable

having this conversation about Kale

while he's in the room.

- Oh, you're gonna be so sad when Noelle chooses me.

This is gonna be great. - All right man...

- I can't wait to ask her. - Oh I wish you would--

- Chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOO!

- You can't keep doing that.

- Hey Henry, your teacher's niece

is upstairs getting settled in the guest room.

- Gooooood.

- Yeah, good for me.

- 'Scuze me.

Mom, Dad...

I won't be available this Saturday night,

because I will be taking our house guest on a date.

- Mmm-mmm...Scoff!

- Don't scoff at me!

- I scoff!

Because I will be taking Noelle on a date this Saturday!

- Wait...

you're saying that you have a date this Saturday night?

- Yeah, that's right. - Yeah, that's right.

- Okay! If I go on a double date with Henry or Jasper,

then can I go out with Kale?

Look, your mom and I agree you are too young to be--

- Actually, if it's a double date

with Henry or Jasper, then... I guess it's okay.

- And that's final.

- Noelle!!!

- Hiii. Piper, did you need me?

- Yeah. This Saturday night,

my brother Henry and this guy Jasper

both wanna take you on a date.

- Oh my gosh that's so n--

- Yeah yeah pick one!

- Um...

I mean, this is a little awkward, but...

I guess Jasper.

- Yeah baby!

A'chugga-chugga CHOOO CHEW ON THAT!

- Oh, wait wait wait. Wait wait wait...

This is...this is a classic mix-up heh...

Ah, Noelle, I think you're confused.

I'm Henry. That's Jasper.

I'm...I'm this one.

- I know.

And you're very sweet but...

Jasper, I'd love to go out with you

on Saturday night.

- What?!?

- Yes! Hey Kale...

you and me, Saturday night.

Go buy a new shirt. - 'Kay-kay.

- I...I don't, I don't mean to be...

it's just...why him?

- I dunno. I guess...

I just like his smile.

- Hey... What you doin'?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- He's pouting because Noelle wanted to go out

with the J-Train and not the H-b*mb.

- I said I don't wanna talk about it,

so let's not talk about it, all right?

How 'bout that? Gahh...

- Okay. Okay.

So where'd Jasper take her for dinner?

- Ulch! I don't know.

- They went to some new restaurant

called The Basement.

- The Basement?

- Where's that?

- Noelle found it.

She said it's supposed to have amazing seafood.

- Ooo, wow, amazing seafood,

I sure hope Jasper doesn't choke on a shrimp.

- Hey, you know what'll cheer up

a teenage pouty pants?

Cleanin' the boss's bathroom.

- I don't think that-- - I'm serious.

- Would you prefer this pink one?

[ alarm rings ]

- Uh-oh... - What's up?

- Emergency. Looks like...

it's a video from the Swellview police.

- Captain Man, Kid Danger, listen.

We just found a kid lying in this alley...

and his teeth are all gone!

But, uh, my partner and I need to go...

'cuz we gotta take our wives

to see that show, "Mama Mia."

So we're gonna leave the kid with no teeth

here, lyin' in the alley.

- What? Nooo nooo. What?

- Bye.

- Uh! Dahhhhh!

Mama Mia!

Why do the Swellview cops

always dump everything on me and Henry?

That's not fair!

- Oh let's just go.

I mean, at least it's somethin' to do.

- Fine, whatever.

Charlotte, if you get bored here,

there's a toilet up in my bathroom

that could really use a good scrubbing.

And now I don't have a pink toilet brush.

Great...

- Hey! Hey, over here.

- Alright son, wake up. Come on. Hey. Hey.

- Woah, woah, woah! - Hey. Hey. It's alright.

- Can you get on your feet? There you go.

I'm Captain Man.

- You don't need to introduce yourself.

- What's your name? - [ mumbles ]

- [ mumbles ]

- Son...what happened to you?

- [ mumbling ]

- Ahh...

Okay, we're not gonna be able to understand this freak.

- He has no teeth

it's really hard to talk without teeth!

- Yeah, you're probably right.

Here hold this.

- Gentlemen, ah, just a second fellas...

- I noticed you're both old, so...

by any chance do either of you have false teeth?

- Ulch...

- What? What? What'd I say?

- Thinking that all old people

have false teeth is a stereotype. Okay?

And we don't like stereotypes.

- Oh. But...

do either of you wear false teeth?

- Yes, we both do.

- I see.

Well, on my authority as Captain Man,

I need to borrow your false teeth.

- Okay.

- Thanks. - Welcome.

- Okay son, open your mouth

and I'll try to... get these in there...

Don't. Don't fight it.

Just...there we go.

- Alright.

Now try to tell us your name.

- I'm...I'm...Sebastian.

- Sebastian! - Ohhh...Sebastian!

- I thought he was saying Samantha!

- That's--that's weird.

- That's not even a boys name. - That's a girl's name.

- Sebastian. - That's funny...

- So what happened? - Yeah, what happened?

- Well, uh... I met this girl...

and she asked me out to dinner...

but then she took me to this place called...

The Basement.

- The Basement?

- Wait, wait, that's where Noelle took...

took "you-know-who" to dinner!

- Yeah! Noelle! That was the girl's name!

- Son, do you remember anyone else

from this, uh... this basement?

- No! - D'ah!

-Wait, yeah!

Uh, there was a man...

she called him...Drill Finger.

- Drill Finger. - Oh my god.

- Help us! - We're stuck in here!

- Somebody! We need help!

- Please! - Help us!

- Shut up!

- Noelle, why would you do this to me?

- Because I want money,

and 'cuz I don't care about you.

- I appreciate your honesty.

- Now, prepare to have your teeth removed!

- Oooh... - Uh-uh.

- We gotta get outta here...

- Piper, try to reach inside my pants pocket,

and pull out what's inside.

- Okay.

What is this?

- My lip balm.

- Well what are you gonna do with it?

- Moisturize my lips.

They're really chapped.

- Ulch... - Wait no! D'ah...

- Hey! I wanna know what you're gonna do to us!

- Fine. You want the pipe?

Here's the pipe.

Those are elderlies.

Elderlies with bad teeth.

- And they want what you young people have.

- You mean...a future?

- Nooo.

- They need teeth!

- Yes...young, strong, healthy teeth.

- And they're willing to pay for it.

See this? See the wad?

- Yeah. - Well, yeah...

- Yeah, my parents could really use that.

- Stop talking to them and take out their teeth!

- Yeah! - Teeth!

- Take 'em out! - Yeah!

- Ahhh...ahhh... ahhhhhhhh!!!

[ crash ]

- Owwwwwww!

The door didn't break!

- Then here, let me help you.

- Whoah--wait, what are you gonna--

- It's Captain Man and Kid Danger!

- You threw me through the door!

- Well, the past is the past.

Alright, Drill Finger.

- What?

- I'm taking you downtown.

- No chance!

Feel the finger!

- Ah! Ah! Ahhh...hmmm.

- What the--?

It was turning before...

It--you broke my finger bit!

- Yeah well, I'm indestructible.

What'd you think was gonna happen?

Kid, toss me that thing.

- Uh...okay, but it's right here--

- Hurry Kid! - Alright.

- Alright, Drill Finger,

now I'm no rabbi, but...

- Ahh!

- Mazel tov.

- You cut off my drill!

- Yeah! From now on, you're just..."Finger".

- Nooooooo!!!

- Kid, you release those three,

round up those elderlies and that evil teenage girl.

- Oh no! - Aww no...

- Go!

- Now my drill bit is so embarrassing.

- Stand right there and don't move.

- What if I have an itch?! - Then you just let it itch--

you let it itch!

- Okaaaay!

- Great...

- Hey, can you release me next?

- Why you?!?

- Because I need some lip balm.

My lips are getting drier by the minute!

- Ahhhh!!!

- Here, use my lip balm.

- But I'll get your germs!

- Yeah, lucky you.

And you are free.

- att*ck him!!!

- Stomp his feet!

- Owww!

- Get 'em!

He tried to take my teeth!

- Okay! Everybody stop!

I don't like hurting old people.

- Shut up!

- Kid Danger! Look out!

[ crying ]

- Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Hey! Hey, are you okay?

- Stupid Millennial!

- Kid Danger! Noelle's getting away!

- Uhh, I'm kinda busy!

- You ruined my date!!!

- All right, all right...

That's not your job.

Down ya go.

- She tried to escape!

- Thank you, now go wait outside.

- I wanna go wait outside!

- And you--stay there.

- D'all right. That's enough!

Leave 'em alone. Come on. Let's go.

One at a time. - Yeah. Let's go!

- Come on! - Lookin' at you golf pants.

- Yeah, come on! - So sick! Come on!

- There we go! Let's go pork rind.

- You too, "On Golden Pond."

- No teeth for you.

- You...

stealing kids' teeth... to make money.

Wearing a romper!?!

You disgust me. Come on.

- I disgust you?

I...really...disgust you?

- Uh, well...

your--your actions disgust me.

But physically...

y-you know, you make me happy.

- Well, maybe you could...

change me...y'know.

Teach me to be a better person?

- Oh man. Uhhh....

- Kid? Are you letting that girl

trick you into kissing her?

- What? Noooo. Ewwww. Gross.

I don't wanna kiss her. Gross...

- Well, good.

- Uhhh...

Could you just wait outside for like minutes?

- Kid! - Okay, you know what?

Fine! No! You're goin' to jail.

Let's go. Come on.

Feel my shove.

No kisses for you. Tryin' to trick me.

Wearing a romper...

- Almost...almost...

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.