03x11 - Gas Or Fail

[bunniefuu]

- Oh! Good! He's here. Let's get started.

- Aye aye. - Uh hey!

Wait...guys,

I didn't get any lunch at school.

Can we order some like, Chinese food?

- What?

- I want some a'those uh...

oh whaddaya call 'em?

They're like uh... Chinese dumplings...?

- Oh... you mean wom-pons.

- Yeah. Noooo...

- Won-tons--he means won-tons,

not "wom-pons."

- I did my best to say it right.

- Whatever, can we order some?

- Not now.

It's time for my bi-yearly quantitative

physiological densitization test.

- I understood the word "test."

- It's a test to make sure

I'm still totally indestructible.

- Mmmmmmm...Can we order some won-tons first?

- No. You see that machine over there?

- Yeah...

- It's gonna sh**t baseballs at ya'.

- What? Why me?

- Because! Because of your new super power.

- Ya, your hyper-mutilatiew...

- Okay. It's called hypermotility.

- Hypermutebeuel--

- Okay, can we move on!?! Can we move on?

- Schwoz, show him your bat.

- His...his what?

- You see...when you see the balls a-comin',

you use this a-base-a-ball bat

to swing-svat the balls.

- Yep. Then Schwoz is gonna

measure the speed of the base-a'balls,

and then after I get hit,

I tell him when my pain stops and I feel oh-kay.

- And then I use a mathematical equation

to determine how indestructible Ray is.

- I just want like, five won-tons.

- You can have some won-tons after we do this!

- Aaaahhh! Right...

- I'm gonna go stand here by the elevator.

That's what I'm gonna do.

- What's that for?

- To protect a-my face from stray balls.

- Okay. Henry,

[ light saber sound ]

take this base-a'ball bat...

- Whoa, what kinda baseball bat is this?

- It's a thermal fusion bat I made myself.

- Can you make thermal fusion won-tons?

- C'mon Henry, just get over there.

- Okay, let's test one.

- Go for it.

- Ready Henry? - Yeah go.

- SCHPITZ!!!

- HAHAHAHA! MISSED ME, MISSED ME,

NOW YA GOTTA KI...

- Now I gotta what? - Nothin', forget it.

- No no no no, now I gotta what?

- No, I changed my mind, okay?

You don't gotta do anything!

Gah, c'mon Schwoz, if we're gonna do this,

let's do it! Gah!

- Okay, here we goes.

- Oh Ray, I gotta tell you somethin'.

- What? - Tomorrow, I--

- SCHPITZ!

- Dah!

- I'm oh-kay.

- So, what'd you wanna tell me?

- I can't it to work tomorrow.

- Whaddaya mean you can't work tomorr--

- SCHPITZ!

- D'oh!

Still oh-kay.

- Tomorrow's "Achievement Test Day" at school.

- Uh, you're my sidekick, that means tha-

- D'owww!!!

You guessed it: oh-kay.

- Look...dude, it's not my fault. Okay?

If I leave school for any reason

I can get in huge trouble.

- Okay fine, you baby.

Take the day off,

but it's comin' outta your vacation time.

- Uh...I didn't know I get vacation time.

- Uh...Ah eh-you... you uh, you don't.

I mean, there's no state law that says you do.

So, y'know, don't even check.

- Wait a second... Are you saying that I--

- SCHPITZ! - Wait, no, do-

- He's probably all right. - Yeah...

Get some won-tons? - Yeah let's go.

- Maria Von Trapp? - Here.

- Uh...Ruth Westheimer? - Present.

- And... Abraham Zapruder.

- Here. [ camera whirring ]

- Oh Abraham. put that obsolete camera away.

- Now, does everyone have their test booklets?

- Yes... - Good.

Now, you all know why this test

is so important, right?

- No. - Not at all.

- Ulch.

Henry, Jasper, stand up and explain it to the class

while I rub this pimple cream on my back.

- Uh...every Christmas,

the principal gives all the teachers bonuses.

- And, the higher we all score on this test,

the more money Miss Shapen gets.

- Or as I like to say it:

The better your grades, the more I gets paids!

- Yeah, we're gonna sit down now.

- Charlotte... - Yes ma'am?

- Switch places with Von Trapp.

- Why? I don't wanna switch places.

- Well doe-ray-me don't care,

now be a good female deer and move!

There.

Now, I'm putting Charlotte in the front,

'cuz she's much smarter than the rest of you.

Now, I realize that it's gonna be tempting

to copy off of Charlotte's test paper...hmmm?

But if I catch anyone cheating,

you know what's gonna happen?

- No...what?

- Nothing.

[ popping mouth ]

- Uh...what are you doin' with your mouth?

- Winking.

I have weak eyelid muscles,

so I'm a mouth winker.

- Please don't do that. - No, no...

- All right...

- But Cheating i-is wrong.

- Yeah. - Yeah...

- Not when an underpaid adult tells you to do it!

Now everyone, pick up your pencils.

And begin!

[ alarm rings ]

- Uh, what's that sound?

- That's just the Swellview Emergency Warning Siren--

just keep taking your tests.

- But shouldn't we find out what the emergency is?

- Ah fine!

- We gotta get this toilet working by seven.

- We're not gonna make it. - We gotta make it.

- See, it's just a rerun of Toilet Wars,

everything's fine.

If it was a real emergency,

they'd interrupt this for--

- We interrupt Toilet Wars for this breaking news

It seems-- - Attention. Attention.

I have breaking news.

An underground gas pipe has burst,

deep in the Earth,

underneath Swellview's nuclear gas company.

But according to experts,

the gas is not harmful to humans

unless it escapes from the ground.

Which it has.

It's escaping from the ground right now.

So, if you're in Swellview, or the surrounding areas,

we advise you to evacuate Swellview...

And the surrounding areas.

- Captain Man, Kid Danger, where are you?!?

- See? Everything's fine,

so keep taking your tests.

[ alarm continues ]

- But the news guy said we should evacuate.

- Yeah! - Yeah.

- No! Nobody leaves

until everyone finishes their tests

and gets a great score

so I can get my big fat cash money bonus!

- Hey, Miss Shapen? Can I use the restroom?

- To do what?!?

- Well, to go to the...

to use the...bath...

I'll just stay here.

[ pops mouth ]

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- ♪ CAPTAIN MAAAANNN... LADIES BEWARE! ♪

♪ HE'S SO ATTRACTIVE YOU'LL WANT TO KISS HIS FAAACE! ♪

RIGHT ON THE MOUTH.

Schwoz. You there? - Yah, what?

- I'm now feet down in the nuclear gas shaft.

- You callin' me a liar!

- I ain't callin' you a truther!

- Ya, so?

- Sooo, as soon as I can I'm gonna--Ahhhh!!!

- Ray?

Ray, what was the noises I just heard?

- Ahhh... My stupid support beam broke.

- Can you get out?

- Unh-uh, no chance.

The top of the shaft is mostly blocked now.

- Ooo, that reminds me.

This afternoon I have my colonoscopy.

- Schwoz!

I don't wanna hear about your body problems, alright?

I'm trapped down here.

- Okay, you want me to come get you?

- Nah...Ya can't.

- Okay, bye-bye. - No-no! Schwoz!!!

Now look, write this down...

- Yah yah, I'm writing this down.

- Okay...I need you to triple beep Henry.

Get him outta school...

- I beep Henry, get him out of the school...

- Tell him to pop a gum-ball...

- Poop a goom-ball...

- And he's gotta get the Tyson drill,

come to the gas plant...

- ...Tyson drill, gas plant...

- And then Henry needs to drop down

into the ventilator shaft, which is right next to me,

drill through the wall and get me outta here.

- 'Kay, got it.

- Oh, and uh...tell him

to bring some a'them won-tons.

- Bring some wom-pons.

- Won-tons! - Won-tons!

- If you're gonna live in America

you should learn how to say won-tons.

- Now...just in case

the poisonous gas reaches this school...

I brought Charlotte a gas mask.

Charlotte, put this on your face.

- Uh, okay.

[ deep breathing ]

- Well, what about the rest of us?

- Yeah yeah, why don't we get gas masks?

- Because none of you are as smart as Charlotte.

[ Vader voice ] - Please don't look at me.

- And now that she's safe,

she can continue taking her test.

And remember the rest of you

better not copy her answers.

[ pops mouth ]

- Okay, will you please stop winking with your mouth?

[ watch beeps ] - Hey!

I heard a smart phone!

- Uhb-du, s-s-sorry...

that was just my, uh... ...my pacemaker.

- Pacemaker?

- Well turn it off!

- Yes ma'am.

Uh...Boop.

- I thought you told Ray not to beep you today!

- I did!

Must be a serious problem.

Miss Shapen? - What?!?

- Can I please go to the restroom?

- You asked me that an hour ago.

- Yeah, and you didn't let me go.

- So? - So now...it's worse.

- All right, go--

but you better be back in two minutes!

Don't waste time washing your hands.

- Ray, you there? [ static ]

Ray, c'mon, you triple beeped me.

What's the...

[ faint drilling ]

Where is that noise coming fr--

Holy geez!

- Hey it's me, Schwoz, from work.

- I know who you are and where you're from!

- C'mon, let's go!

- Go?!? Dude, I told Ray,

today is Achievement Test Day, I can't leave school!

- But the whole city has been evacuated!

- Well the teacher won't let us leave.

- But there's a gassy leak!

- I know, tell Ray to go fix it!

- He did, but he got trap-ed in the shaft hole!

You have to go rescue him!

- I'm trap-ed in school!

- Achh!!!

I know what to do. - What?

- Pull me inside there with you.

- What? Why?!?

- Just pull on my head! - All right!

- D'aaaaaahhhh...

[ grunting ]

- Oh. Ohhh!

Ahhhhhh!!!

- Okay you're in--now what?

- Now sit on the twahlet.

- What? I don't-- - Sit on it!

- D'ah!

Now, act like you're sitting at your desk

and taking a test.

- I don't have a desk. Or a test...

Or anything that resembles-- - It's called acting!

And...action!

- What'd you just do? - Don't worry about it!

Just go to the nuclear gas plant and rescue Ray!

- Dude, if I leave school I get expelled.

- Will you trust me?!? Now go!

- But I don't even know what to do!

- I'll text you--hurry!

- Wait, I-I actually have to go to the bathroom!

- There's no time!

[ thuds ] - Ow! That hurt so bad!

[ Charlotte breathing ]

[ phone vibrates ]

- Uh, Miss Shapen? - Yeah what?

- It's time for our three minute break.

- Huh?

- Uh, yeah, it's a state law.

Uh, whenever kids take an achievement test,

you have to give 'em a three-minute break,

every two hours.

- Oh. And what if I don't?

- You could get fined.

- Which would cost you money.

- Three minute break!

But ya better be back here in three minutes!

I gotta go pop something...

- Okay, what is goin' on?

- Henry had to go help Ray.

- What?!? - Henry can't leave!

- I know this!

Where was Henry sitting?

- Uh, right there.

- Oh c'mon, that's obviously a hologram.

- Yeah, that's not gonna fool anyone!

- Hey! Give me two seconds, would ya?

- Whooooaaaa. - Wowwwww.

- That's insane!

- Schwoz, you're a genius.

- Ooo, they're coming back! - Mahalo!

[ thud ] - D'ahh that hurt so bad.

- C'mon...c'mon...

Yeah! Pizza, right in the face.

Man, I love this app.

- All right, break's over.

Henry, go lock the door.

- Uh-oh!

- Henry? Henry!

- Uh, I'll lock the door!

- No! I asked Henry to do it.

Now Henry Hart, I asked--

- Ahhhh, I think that Henry's just really focused

on doing a great job on his test.

Uh...right Henry?

He says right.

- Ah geez...

- My god, this game's entertaining.

Hey Schwoz?

TV:Could you put the ladder back up?

- Go for Schwoz.

- What's goin' on, man?

I sealed the gas leak,

I've been stuck down here for over an hour now.

- Henry didn't get there yet?

- No, he's not here yet.

Why would I be calling you

if Henry had already been here and get me--

[ crash ] Ahhhhh!!!

- Ray? You in here?

- Schwoz I'll call ya back.

- Oh hey. How ya doin'?

- Pretty good for a guy

who just had a Tyson drill shoved in his back.

- Ah, who cares, you're indestructible.

- I'm still a person, with feelings.

- Alright, can we get going?

'Cuz I really need to get back to school.

- Fine, whatever, just pull me through.

- Alright, here gimme your hand.

- Whoa! Whoa Ray, have you gained some weight?

- No I haven't gained weight!

You're just not pulling hard enough.

- I think you gained weight.

- You take that back!

I eat less than two thousand calories a day!

- Try to suck in!

- God, this is so embarrassing!

- Ahhh! [ thud ]

- Owww... That hurt so bad.

- Well, it turns out that a leaky nuclear gas pipe

was no match for Captain Man and Kid Danger.

- That's right, Trent.

According to city officials, Captain Man...

- According to city officials,

Captain Man and Kid Danger sealed the leaky pipe

and the dangerous gas cloud has passed

through the Swellview sky,

and is now floating into the city of Bordertown,

where it's no longer our problem.

- And in other news,

Trent's wife left him four years ago,

for a more attractive, wealthier man.

- That's right. Test booklets right here.

Hurry up, I gotta get home and powder my cat.

- Powder your cat?

- Get outta here! All a'you, go.

- Hey, what are we gonna' do about Henry?

- I don't know! - We can't just leave him here.

- He's a hologram. What are we gonna' do?

- Alright. Come on. Let's go.

- Hey. Henry. Time's up.

Didn't ya get the memo?

Heh...Hey! I'm talkin' to you boy!

Henry!!!

- You. - Captain Man!

- Do you consent to this kiss?

- Sure, ya want it in writing?

[ giggling ]

- Wait. Wrong woman.

- I finished.

- My first real relationship.

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.