03x18 - Balloons Of Doom

[bunniefuu]

[ all talking ]

- Hey hey, here comes Piper.

Let's all get quiet or else she'll blow that loud horn.

- Okay, people, quiet down!

[ blows horn ]

- But we were already quiet!

[ blows horn ]

- Okay, this meeting of the Man Fans will now begin.

Our first order of business should be to...

[ slurping ]

Jasper?!? Why are you even here?

- Yeah, you're not a Man Fan.

- Well... I just figured,

since you guys are so into Captain Man and Kid Danger,

I could, y'know...

...teach you a few things.

- Uh, we're experts on Captain Man and Kid Danger.

- Yeah, what do you know?

- Oh well, y'know just stuff like uh...

oh well, did you know that Captain Man

likes his French fries hot but his ketchup...

...cold.

- Uh, how would you know that?

- Mmmm, I have my ways.

Ooo, and I bet you guys don't know

that Kid Danger can touch his elbows...

...behind his back.

- Oh big deal, my brother can do that, too.

- Hey! I was talkin' about Kid Danger!

You brought up your brother, not me, okay?

I did nothing wrong!

- Okaaaay.

Now let's talk about Captain Man's favorite--

[ doorbell rings ] Benny, get the door.

- Yes madam president.

- Ohhhh! Hello! I'm from Babaloo Balloons.

- It's a man.

- Thank you!

- Hi. Whatcha need?

- Well, someone ordered balloons

for your Man Fan meeting today.

- Uh, hey, did any of you guys order balloons?

- No, - I did not.

- Sorry, but--oh, now you're in my house.

- [ clears throat ] And now...

Emerge!

- It's stuck! - Stuck?

What do you mean it's...

Oh good grief, it was working this morning...

- Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Do you know how uncomfortable it is in there?!?

- No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

- Wait...wait wait! Aren't you Nurse Cohort?!?

- Nurse Cohort?!? She's the assistant to...

- Ahhh!

- Doctor Yamaka!

- Minyak. My name is Doctor Minyak.

- You guys! He's dangerous! Everyone outta here!!!

- They're getting away!

- Come back here! Come back in here!

No no no! Get back, get back, get back.

- Back! - [ growls ]

Now sit!

- Well, then...

would you children like to see

what Doctor Minyak can do with helium?!?

- I guess so. - Whatever I guess.

- Yes. watch what happens when I use my heliometer

to heelee-ahmatize this balloon filled with...

helium.

Ahahaha!

Yes. Ooo and ahhh indeed.

- Okay, why are you even here?!?

- Well, isn't it obvious?

We're taking you hostage!

- Hostage?!?

- Piper! Call Captain Man!

- Yes. Ohhh yesss...

Let's do call Captain Man.

Wh-what'd you just do?

- I thought you wanted me to slap you five.

- Nooooo! I want my phone! Give me my phone!

- It's in your pocket!

- No it's not! If it were in my pocket,

don't you think I'd know it was my pock...

- Is it in your pocket?

- Shut up!!!

- Okaaaay... a few more...ah...

- All right. - Grrrr...

- Oh hey! Wave to the girls!

Hey look at all those hot girls on the beach!

Hi girls! - Hey girls...

- Hey girls! - Hey girls.

- Come on, get into it. - What? I am.

- You wanna get into showing in front of the girls...

- You're embarassing me in front of girls that don't exist.

- Ah, c'mon! Show me some emotion!

Ah... Give me some feels baby!

- Yeah, c'mon Henry-- we're on the beach in Hawaii!

- No, we're not.

I feel dumb.

- Hey!

Do you have any idea how many people wish

that they were gonna be featured in the new Swellview calendar?

- Well go find them!

I don't wanna do this!

- Hey look everybody, Charlotte's complaining--

that's fresh.

[ alarm beeps ] - Hey...hotline call.

- Yeah. Schwoz, Charlotte,

get over there so you won't be seen.

- Hey!

- This is Captain Man and Kid Danger.

- Uhhh... what-what is your emergency?

- Actually, it's your emergency.

- Minyak.

- Doctor Minyak.

- Pfftt. You're no doctor.

You're just evil.

- Uhhh, those two things

aren't mutually exclusive, you know.

- What does... what does that mean?

- It means a person can be a doctor and evil,

all at the same time.

- Yeah well nobody likes you--

Ah hey! What are you doing?

- I think Doctor Minyak is at my house!

- Okay... Is your mom home?!?

- No. Why?

- I don't know... I just think about her a lot.

- What? Ray!

- Hey now! Where did you go?!?

I demand attention!

- Alright Minyak, where are you?

- Uh, who, me?

Ohhh, I just happen to be at the house

of the president of your Man Fans.

- Piiiiiii...

- Wait, what was that?

- Uh, I think he was gonna say piiiiiiii...

- ...iiiiiiineapple. - Pineapple!

- Guess who loves pineapple? - Yeah, I love pineapple.

- This one loves it! - Yeah this is all pineapple!

- Or he could have been talking about the number Pi,

- Oh, yeah... - ....y'know that's Pi...

....

- , Jenny's got your nyumbner

- then it just keep going...

- Gotta make you mine... Lyrics. Yeah.....

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- Okay Minyak... - Mmmmmm??

- We know exactly where you are.

- So you just wait right there like a good little jerk,

and we'll be there in a few minutes, with our fists.

- Four fists. - Yeah.

it's gonna be a real fistival.

- A what?

- Wait what, what'd you say?

- I said fistival. Y'know like a festival?

But with fists.

- Oh god, that's so stupid.

- Is not! You're stupid!

- Hey hey, y'know what you should've said?

- No.

- You coulda said: I hope you're thirsty,

'cuz we're bringin' some punch.

- Ah, yes! Punch. That's very clever.

- [ sighs ] I'm so bored.

- Maybe we should leave.

- Nah, they're gonna need us eventually.

- Just c'mon, let's go att*ck Minyak.

- Let's do it.

- Noooo!

If you two super zeros don't stay right where you are,

This kid FLIES.

- Help! He's got a Hebrew Meter!

- Heliometer!

- Wait wait wait... what do you mean the kid flies?

- Yeah, what do you mean flies?

- You see, if I use this to blast the helium

in those balloons,

it will geometrically increase their heely-osity,

and then your president will fly straight up,

through the ceiling, and she won't stop

until she hits the moon.

- The moon!?!

- All right now--

- Okay, you listen to me Doctor Minyak,

if you hurt that girl, you're dead meat.

Not--not that know that girl...personally.

I just care so much 'cuz it's my job to care...

about people...

like that girl in that chair who I do not know.

- No, you listen!

For the next three hours,

my minions will be traveling all over Swellview--

robbing, stealing, burgling,

all the evil gerunds.

And the two of you will do nothing to stop me.

Because I'm watching you, Kid Danger and Captain Man.

And if you leave my view...

The girl flies.

- Hup...Oof.

- Fine... we'll just call the police.

- If you call the police...

The girl flies.

- G'ah! - Thought that was gonna work.

- Yes... There there there...

Chu chu...Yes! Hahahahaha!

Yesss! Yessss!

- Um...is this yours?

- No.

- 'Kay.

- Now! I want Jimbo to rob the Inside Out

Burger Restaurant on Doheny.

And I want Rico to break into the funeral home

and steal all their snacks!

- Guys! Guys!

Psst! Psst!

- PBBTTHHPPPBBBTHHBTHH!

- Geez! - Gross!

- You sprayed my face!

- Just listen, Schwoz and I think we know a way

that you can go stop Doctor Minyak.

- We can't "go" anywhere.

- We have to stay here.

- Nooo...

Doctor Minyak just has to think you're here.

- But how can we uh-- - Shhh! Just wait there.

- We'll be back.

- Wait! What?

Will you--will you tell us what the plan is?

- What are you two talking about?

- Uhhh... - Uhhh...

- Just just cheese. - Cheeses!

Yeah. Cheeses that we enjoy. - Yeah, I'm into cheddar.

I like Manchego-- a hard Spanish cheese.

- Well I hate cheese.

Especially Spanish ones that are hard.

And I hate you.

- Ah. - Fair enough.

- We appreciate the feedback.

- Hey Schwoz. I'm at Henry's house.

You ready?

- Yes. Go ahead and distract Minyak.

- Got it. Bye.

- Yes, hello?

- Hi. I'm selling double-A batteries.

- You're selling what?

- Okay now! He's not looking! Quick! Hurry!

- Okay, uh how does this work?!? - Yeah yeah, what does it do?!?

- It will make Minyak think that you're still in the Man Cave.

Now stand side by side and turn around! Hurry!!!

- Okay, all right! - All right! All right!

- This go accross the whole way?

- What? No! No. No no no no no.

- Sir, you could find a great use for these batteries.

- No, listen... you're not listening to me...

They're small enough to fit into flashlights...

Or like remote controls. - I just said...

I mean they're way better than those C batteries,

Miss, I don't want any, I despise all batteries...

- This is the best you can do Schwoz?

A poster and some belts?

- My mother was k*lled by a double A battery!

- These are amazing batteries.

- I dont' want any double A batteries!

- ENOUGH! - Wait, uh if you...

[ blowing air ]

- That was so upsetting.

- And...Now!

- Yesss... my two friends...

being good little boys.

- It's working!

Now hurry! Go rescue Piper and Jasper!

- Right. - Let's go.

- Hmmm...Nurse Cohort, quick, come look at this...

- Look at what?

- The quality of the picture on this television.

Isn't it fabulous?

- I guess.

- Ahhh. I know--

I bet it's one of those fork TV's.

- Fork?

- Yes--very high resolution.

Fork.

- Wait uhhh...

I...I think you mean four K.

- Four K? Pfft, it's not French.

- There you guys are!

C'mon! Hurry! Hurry up!

Where have you guys been?!?

- Shhhhhhhh!

- What was that?!? - What?

- Did I hear a little girl?!?

- Uhhhhh..... - No that's uhhhh...

that-that's just a... that's just a game we play.

Here...in the Man Cave.

- Yeah! It's called uh, "Little-Little Girl, Shush."

- [ girl voice ] Oh hey Captain Man.

- Ah shhh little girl. See? Fun!

- No more games!

- Mm mm...No...

- Sorry.

So what are you gonna do now?

Just go in there and get him?!?

- No, that would be stupid. - Nuh-uh.

- We'd never fit through the front door.

- We have to go in the back way.

- All right, go!

- Nooo...no way! You did?!?

- What happened?

- Maurice just broke into the home for the elderly

and stole all the wheelchairs.

- Ahhhhh! That's wonderful!

- Take that, elderly people!

- Hey! Doctor Minyak!

Doctor Minyak! Yo! Over here!

Look at me!!!

- Wait, hold-hold on... Maurice, I'll call you back.

Now, what is it?

- Uh... - What do you want?

- Ummm...

Well, I was just curious...

Ummm...

Are you and Nurse Cohort like a couple?

- Ha!

- Did you just laugh?

- Uh...yeah. I was just uh...

laughing at Captain Man and Kid Danger, on the TV.

- I don't see what's so funny about them.

- Sooo...

have you and Nurse Cohort ever gone on a date?

- Well... not an "official" date.

But Nurse Cohort and I have one of those

"will-they-won't-they" relationships.

- Mmmm... yeah, not really.

- What, are you going to pretend

you don't have a little crush on me?

- I don't have to pretend.

I don't have any kinda crush on you.

- Well...why not?

I mean, is it me?

- Yeah. - Oh. Oh, I see.

And who, pray tell... do you have a crush on?

- Well...

- Captain Man?!? Him?!?

- Yeah, I think he's cute.

- She's not wrong.

- Oh, you shut up!

- Why don't you say that to my face.

- I just did.

- Uhhh... turn around.

- Turn around...

Don't see the point of that.

- Turn around and keep your head up.

- Keep my head up... Now...haha...

- Surpriiiiiiiiise.

- Ha! Now, drop your weapons!

Or else I'll send your president up through the roof

and somewhere over the rainbow where bluebirds die!

- Okay, we'll drop 'em. - All right...

Ha! I've won again! Yes!

Ahhhh!!!

- Don't move!

[ blows horn ]

- Ha! Nurse this!

- No! - Get her!

- Come back you coward!

- C'mon, Kid! Let's take off this rig!

- Let's do it!

- Hello! - What--

- Ow! My ear!

- Ahhhhhh!!!

You lost the grapple!

Hey you!

Put the president back in that chair!

- Disarm! - What the--

- You give me that back!

- I don't want to.

- But I'll give you my palm.

- Your palm? What do you mean?

- Nice face-palm.

- Thanks. Hey can I borrow that a sec?

- Sure. - Thank you.

Hey, Minyak...

- What... no no no no!

No don't use my own heliometer against me!

- Why shouldn't I?

- Well, it's too on-the-nose!

- Tell it to the bluebirds.

- Over the rainbow.

- Noooooooooooooo!!!

Ahh!

Despite this comeuppance, I'll be back.

Eventuallyyyyyyy...

- Hey, I'm ho--

Okay... is anyone I know dead?

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.