04x11 - Car Trek

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Henry Danger". Aired: July 26, 2014 - March 21, 2020.*
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After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.
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04x11 - Car Trek

Post by bunniefuu »

[ music ]

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

- Where are you guys taking me?

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CHARLOTTE!

- Why does it smell like Schwoz in here?

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

- Woo!

Okay okay okay, you ready?

- I don't know?

- Ta-daaaaaaaaa!!!

- Where am I?

- You're in Schwoz's R.V.!

- Yeah! This is Schwoz's recreational vehicle!

- And you guys are giving it to me

for my birthday?

- No... - No we're taking you somewhere.

- Guess where you're goin'!

- Uhhh...

- You want a hint? - Ooo, a hint!

- Sure--give me a hint. Yeah--Ow--

[ muttering ]

- Okay, okay... - Disperse, disperse.

- Okay, here's your hint.

- BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! - Ahh!

Well, I hope my birthday present

is a new heart.

- Nah nah nah nah...

- It's not a new heart.

- But if you ever do need a new heart,

I know a guy..

- You're too close.

C'mon guys, tell me where

we're goin' for my birthday.

- Uh...why tell you,

when we can show you.

Show her the tickets.

- Huh?

- The tickets, show her the tickets.

- But they're e-tickets. We bought 'em online.

- Yeah, we don't have actual physical tickets.

- No we have e-tickets.

- You didn't print 'em out?

- Pfft--Print 'em out? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We print them out on paper. - Print them out!

Yeah, nobody prints out tickets anymore.

- No, we use e-tickets.

- Well that makes me sick.

- So...you guys are taking me toooo...?

- Okay, y'know what...

here's a good hint! Remember the time--

- We're takin' you to see the Boo Man Group!

- AHHHH! For real?!?

- For real!

I had a great hint.

- Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!

- Yeah! We all are!

- I'm excited and I don't even know

what the Boo Man Group is!

- You don't know?!? - Schwoz?!?

- The Boo Man Group are guys

who dress up as ghosts, then they juggle!

- Silently!

- Hey, the show starts at eight, right?

- Oh yeah, it's already after seven,

we better hit it!

- Oh, let's go!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. - Let's do it.

- All right. Hey hey hey.

Move, get in the back. I'm drivin'.

- Wh... but this is my R.V.!

- Oh yeah! Too bad.

Get in the back.

- I don't want to get into the back.

- Alright well I'm just gonna sit right here.

There we go, that's right, that feels right.

Settle in, it's a long trip.

You gonna get in the back?

- You're squishing me! - You gonna get in the back?

- You're squishing me!

- You gonna get in the back?

Get in the back. - Okay!

- Get back there! - Ayyeee!!!

- Hey...hey...hey... hey...hey..stop...

- Get off me, nerd!

- Hey quit it, quit it, quit it.

- All right...

Is everybody ready!?

- Yeeaahh!

- No, just give me one second to...

AYEEEEEEEEEEE!!

- Okay-- it's a forty minute drive,

so I figured we might want a snack on the way.

- Oooh. What'd ya bring?

- I brought...

a big pot of brown soup.

- You brought soup on a car trip?

- Happy birthday.

[ phone rings]

- Whose phone is that?!? Whose is it?!?

- It's Mine... it's mine.

It's my little sister.

- Oh.

- Geez, man.

Heyyyy, Sistaaaahhh...

what up with yaaaahhh?

- Where are you?!?

- Uh, where am I.

I am in a large vehicle,

with my boss and Charlotte and Jasper.

- Uh, excuse me, what am I?

Just a dog in the back seat?

- SHHHH! Sit.

- Aye.

So, uh...how did Dad do at the dentist?

Did they yank out his wisdom teeth?

Yes and now he's all "medicated".

- Is that... is that your mother?

- No, it's not Mom!

- I'm a project manager.

- Look Piper, I'm actually on the way

to see Boo Man Group, so I can't really talk to--

- Dad swallowed my house key!

- [ hiccups ]

- Wait, what? Dad did what?!?

- Ulch, what'd your silly Dad do now?

- He's all confused,

and he was fiddling with my keychain,

and when I wasn't looking,

he swallowed my house key!

- Oh my god!

- What happened?!? - What's wrong?!?

- What is what?!?

- My dad had mouth surgery,

and then he swallowed my sister's house key.

- Wait wait wait-- your dad is on

pain medications and he's driving a car?

- No, my sister's driving, okay.

- Wh--isn't she like twelve?

- Yeah--they sent her a license by mistake.

- I don't understand-

- Dude! This has all been established.

- Henry!

How am I supposed to get inside the house?!?

- Uh, why don't you call Mom?

- 'Cuz Mom is still in Palm Springs

with her tennis instructor!

- Your mom...

your mom doesn't even have a tennis racket.

- Dad... please don't.

- Look, Piper, I wanna help you

but we're already on the road--

- Hey there's a Nacho Ball, about four miles from here.

- So? - Soooo.

Just tell Piper to meet us in fifteen minutes,

at the Nacho Ball on Avenue Street.

- Why?!?

- So you can give her your house key.

- Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'.

Hey Piper, meet us in fifteen minutes

at the Nacho Ball on Avenue Street,

so I can give you my house key.

- All right, fine.

- That is not what he was sayin'.

- Daaaad! Quit touching my visor, I can't see.

- But there's someone in the mirror.

- That's me!!

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ music ]

- Okay, I gotta be honest--

this brown soup is really good.

- It's really good soup.

- Yep--excellent brown soup.

- So thick and brown.

- Thanks. It's my mom's recipe.

It won the brown medal at last year's soup festival.

- Wow, really?

- No.

But she wanted to win... so bad.

- Ahhhhhh, Ohhh c'mon! - Awww noooo.

- What happened? - What's wrong?

- Ahhh, I spilled Jasper's

sad mom's brown soup all over my lap.

- I found a rag.

- Ahh great, here uhh... you steer and I'll wipe.

- Are you sure?

- Give, give, give it to me. C'mon.

- Alright alright, okay okay.

[ alarm beeping ] - Uh-ohhh.

- Captain Man hotline.

- All right, nobody worry.

We're not answering it.

- What?!? - What do you mean?!?

- You have to answer it!

- No! C'mon?!?

We spent a ton a'money on these tickets

to see the Boo Man Group.

We are not working tonight.

The police can handle things for a few hours

without help from Captain Man and Kid Danger.

Don't answer the-- - I'm gonna answer it.

- Do not answer it. - No, I'm answering it.

Hello, this is the Captain Man hotline

this is Kid Danger-- what is your emergency?

- Uh, hi! PLEASE HELP US!

- Mmm-hmm. Can you be more specific?

- Yeah! Uh...

I'm the manager at Fred Lobster!

And there's this freak here who's gone crazy!

He's got hostages!

Freak: Gimme that!

Just gimme the phone!

Hi! This is the FREAK.

WHAT'S UP?!?

- Hey, hello okay,

okay sir why don't you just calm down

and tell me why you're upset.

- I'm upset, 'cuz I'm at Fred Lobster,

where tonight is SUPPOSED to be

all-you-can eat lobster night,

and they ran outta lobsters!

I want lobster!

And if I don't get all I can eat,

everybody here's gonna BE SORRY!

- Okay, uh... [ dial tone beeps]

Whoa... vintage dial tone.

- You don't hear that much anymore.

- No you really don't. It's nice.

It's a nice little throw back, it's like a...

it's like a little Daaaaaaaaaah...

- Nah nah nah, it's more, it's more like,

Baaaaaaahhhhh...

- What?!? What are you talking about?

Y'know what, let's harmonize!

- Alright harmonize! On three. One two three...

- Baaaaaaahhhhh... - Baaaaaaaahhhh

- Ga ga ga ga ga ga.. - Doo, doo doo!

If you'd like to make a call

- You guys!

- What? - 'Sup?

- What are you gonna do about

the hostage situation at Fred Lobster?!?

- I told you already-- we're gonna call the cops.

Let the cops handle it.

- Call the cops? Alright 'kay, I'm on it.

- Hey, Charlotte...

- Yeah?

- Knock knock.

- Uh, who's there?

- Schwoz!

- Schwoz who?

- Me--Schwoz-- from work.

- What? - Happy birthday!!!

[ pop ]

- Swellview Police Department.

What can I help you with?

- Hey hi, this is Kid Danger,

I need you to se--

- Ha ha ha. Just kidding--

this is a recording...

All police officers are either busy,

or they're at the Boo Man Group.

If you have an emergency,

please call the Captain Man hotline.

- Awww c'mon! - Ahh geez.

- Thank you, and have a nine one wonderful day.

- Wow. - That's awful.

- They are useless.

- Okay... alright.

Let's suit up and let's head to Fred Lobster. Come on.

- No!

I say we ignore that call,

and I say we go see the Boo Man Group.

Who's with me?!?

Huh?

Jerks!

- Look dude, there's hostages involved.

- Oh there's hos.. hostages.

There's always hostages involved Henry.

- Yes hostages.. - Are you kidding me.

- Ask me if I care about hostages.

- Do you care about hostages?

- You're such a immature little kid.

Wow. [ all arguing ]

- Alright!!!

[ disco music plays ]

- Awww.

- What-up with the disco lights?

- Yeah.

- I connected my horn to a disco bowel!

See, I had three disco bowels, so I took one of them--

- All right Schwoz, nobody wants to hear

about your disco bowels.

Now, since it's Charlotte's birthday,

I say we let Charlotte decide

whether we work tonight,

- Wow.

- And go to some dumb Fred Lobster

to free a bunch of hostages

that we don't even know personally...

Or... Or...

We go and fulfill Charlotte's birthday dream

of seeing a performance by the Boo Man Group.

I mean...

- I say we gotta go to Fred Lobster.

- No!!!

[ disco plays ]

- Awww.

- Hey, can I say something?

- Ugh....

- It's only :.

- So?!?

- So, if we go to Fred Lobster,

you guys can stop the freak, rescue the hostages,

and then we should still be able to make it

to the Boo Man Group maybe a little after eight.

- That makes sense.

- Yeah, let's do that. - That's a pretty good plan.

- Fine!

But next year, on Charlotte's birthday,

we're doing what I wanna do!

- Totally. - Yeah, that is fair.

- Wooo... Waaaa....

- I'm back.

Dad--quit it! I'm trying to call Henry!

- Arghahh!

- You just had your wisdom teeth taken out--

you can't eat a nacho ball!

Alright fine, take it!

- Gah!

Okay...Now...

We're gonna go into Fred Lobster,

grab the freak, free the hostages,

then get back here

so we can get to the Boo Man Group.

- Right.

But while we're in there, can we grab some

a'those Better Cheddar Biscuits?

- Ooo, you Better Cheddar believe it.

- Ha ha!

- Hey hey, I hear someone's phone vibrating.

- Uh...

- Oh no, it's Piper!

- You were supposed to meet her at Nacho Ball!

- Yeah, yea-yea-yeah.

I know, I know-- I forgot!

Dang it...

I know, I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Heyyyyyyyy,

how's my sister, the A-listerrrr?

- You were supposed to meet me at Nacho Ball

fifteen minutes ago!!! Where are you?!?

- Uhhh, that's a...

very good question which...

Jasper will answer for you right now.

- Owww!

- Kid, let's do this. - I'm comin', I'm comin'.

- What do you want me to tell her?!?

- I dunno dude, just make somethin' up!

Or tell her that I had to--

- What?

- Hello!!! Hey!!!

- Hiya, Piper.

- Why isn't Henry here with a house key?!?

- Uh, 'cuz..

'Cuz Henry, Henry had to...

- So... you got nervous...

and thought the best thing to do

was drop the phone into the soup.

- It solved the problem.

- Sorta.

But now who's gonna wanna eat brown soup

with a cell phone in it?

- Nobody.

- I'll have some.

[ music ]

- Hey, how do you get the soup so brown?

- I know right.

[ phone beeps ]

- Oh great-- now Piper's calling my phone.

- So answer it.

- No, she's calling for you.

- But...Umm...

- JASPER!!!

It's my birthday and you just dropped my phone

into a gallon of brown soup!

- Are you really that surprised?!

- Unlock the door!! Open the door!!

- Hey what's happening?

- Here come Henry and Ray.

- Open the door!

- I told you to open the door!! - Whats going o--

- AHHHHHHH!!!

- Open the door!

- Get in, get in , get in.

- Go! Go! Go! Go!

- What happened in Fred Lobster?!?

- Did you free the hostages?!?

- No we did not free the hostages!

- No. Go, go go.

- Well what happened?!?

- We went to the wrong Fred Lobster!

- Whaaaat?!? - Wrong one?!?

- Well wait... so what happened in there?

- There was a junior high girls' soccer team in there.

- And when they saw Kid Danger, one of 'em screamed,

"Oh my god we love you Kid Danger!!!"

and next thing we knew...

- They were all over me!

The whole girls' soccer team!

- They chased us all the way to the car!

- Well, they chased me.

- Dude, a lotta them were also yelling

"Captain Man! Captain Man--"

- Well, I mean kind of but not really.

- Well. I mean I don't like

it anymore than you do.

- KID DANGERRRR!!!

- Ahhh!

- I love you! Please notice me!!!

- AHHHHHH!!

[ alarm beeping - Ahhh!]

- Captain Man hotline.

- Hi, this is the manager from Fred Lobster.

- Oh yeah? Which Fred Lobster?

- The one on Madison.

- Oh, oh yeah "On Madison,"

now ya tell us!

- Alright, don't worry--

we're on our way to your location right now.

- No no, don't come here!

- What?!? Why not?!?

- 'Cuz that crazy freak...

he let the hostages go,

then he took off in his truck!

- Oh. Really? - Ah, well that's awesome.

- Problem solved.

- No it's not!

'Cuz on the way out, the guy grabbed Lobbie!

[ gasps ]

- Who's Lobbie?

- The Fred Lobster mascot!

- The guy who wears a lobster suit

and walks around the restaurant

making everyone feel happy!

- Yah! One time Lobbie helped me find the bathroom,

when I really needed it.

- Captain Man?!? Please!

You've gotta find Lobbie.

- All right uhh...

exactly what kind of vehicle was the freak driving?

- Uh... it was a truck...

a green truck with four wheels.

- Green truck, four wheels, got it.

Uh, and uh what direction was he headed?

- Uhhh...he was...

[ phone rings ]

- Awww! Now Piper's calling me!

- D'ahhh man, I forgot about Piper.

Gimme the phone, gimme the phone.

Excuse me, can you please hold?

- No! Don't put me on-- - Fantastic, thank you.

- Do not drop your phone in the brown soup!

- But I don't wanna talk to her right now.

- Jasper, gimme the phone! - Deal!

- Hey Piper...

- Henry, I am so mad at you!

- I know, I know, it's just I'm rea--

- Dad ate most of his shirt!

- What? Why?!?

- 'Cuz he's loopy on dental medication!

- All right, look, I'm on my way to you right now.

- Pst. - Just stay where you are.

- Pst.

- No, I'm driving to you!

- What? No, no don't drive to me--I'll drive to you.

Ow--What what?!?

- You can't let your sister see you dressed as Kid Danger!

- I'll change my clothes!

- You can't change back now--

we gotta find the freak who kidnapped Loogie!

- Lobbie!

- Well I have to give my sister a house key! Okay.

- Okay, are you a sidekick, or just a regular kid?

- Bingo, Ray!

THAT is the central conflict

that defines our relationship!

- Henry! Where are you?!?

- Uhhh...I-I don't know, where are you?

- I'm on Madison...

about three blocks before Street Boulevard.

- Hey hey, that's actually really close

to where we are, right now.

- Green truck.

- Dad, will you please

just finish eating your shirt?!?

- Green truck!!!

- Wait, wait, stop! - Ahhhhhh!!!

- What happened? - What's going on?

- Piper? Piper?

Piper, hello? Are you okay?!?

- Yeah... yeah...

we're all right. We just hit a...

a green truck...

with uh...four wheels.

- Is that a giant lobster?

- Lobbie?

- Oh my gosh, thank you!

- For what? What'd I do?!?

- That maniac, driving the green truck--

he took me from the restaurant!

You saved my life!

- Piper! Are you with Lobbie?!?

- Yeah! Lobbie's right here!

I just hit the truck he was in!

- She saved my life!

- Yeah!! Amazing. - Ho ho ho, yeah.

- Now can we get to the Boo Man Group?!?

- Yeah let's go!! - Yes!!

- Hey-hey-hey Wait-wait-wait!

No-no-no-no. I still gotta give Piper my house key.

- Hey! Hey there's an accident

with a green truck. Up ahead, see?

- Oh yeah... yeah-yeah-yeah,

and there's my, there's my dad's car.

Alright, just pull over and I'll give Piper the house key.

- No no wait! She'll see you dressed as Kid Danger!

- Oh yeah. Well I don't know what to do-

what are we gonna do then?

- Ah, just gimme the keys! - What?

- Gimme the keys. Gimme the keys.

- What are you gonna do?

- Tell your sister to make Lobbie move to his right.

- Piper, can you uh--

can you make Lobbie to move to his right a little.

- Alright, fine!

Lobbie, will you move to your right?

- For you? Sure!

- Owwwww!!!

- Yeah!!

- Ha ha yeah! - Yeah!

- Ha ha ha!

- All right, she got the keys!

- Boo Man Group!

- Woo! - Yeah!

[ disco music plays ]

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.
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