05x12 - Secret Room

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

[ children laughing ]

- Whoah! - Ha!

- Yes!

- Gooood girl...

there you go... [ clicks tongue ]

Aaaand hup! - [ whinnies ]

- Beautiful jump...

- That's why kids shouldn't play with flame throwers.

- You're telling me dude. - Yea I am telling you.

- I don't know how that kid-- Hey! Woah!

- Hey guys. - Glad you're alive.

- Schwoz, what is this?! - Owwww!

- Who are all these weird-looking freaks?!

- They're my family.

- [ whinnies ]

- That kid has a beard.

- Yah, so cute.

Zed's baby beard hasn't fallen out yet.

But when it does, the beard fairy will come and--

- Gonna stop ya right there, Schwoz.

- Thank you.

- You know as much as I love having your family here,

I hate it. Soooo...

Everybody out!

- But I asked you if they could come visit for a week

and you said, "Yeah, sure, whatever Schwoz."

- Dude, why would you say that? - I didn't!

- Yah you did. - When?

- I asked you three months ago,

because you can't think that far ahead

so you just say yes to anything.

- That is so not true.

Hey, can Jasper and I get raises in three months?

- What? Yeah, sure, whatever

that's like a million years away.

- Thanks! - Yes!

- Look, let's just get some churros.

- Right. Cause churros fix everything.

- Zed! Stop pulling your baby beard.

It will fall out naturally.

- That's what I need baby. - One churro--

Two churros, please. - Thank you.

-No churros available.

- What did you say?

-Did I stutter? No churros available.

- Hey! Hey, what?!

How come the Auto-Snacker is out of churros?!

- Oh, Larry's kids ordered a ton of them.

- What?! Ah, COME ON! Man, we just--

we just got back from saving the city

from Arson Boy-- FROM ARSON BOY.

We can't even get a churro!

We can't even get a churro!

- Yah! - Owww!!!

Okay! Okay!

- No no no. No bad words.

- You! You--gah!!! - Bury it down.

Bury it down. - He's a jerk!

- I know. I know. - He's a jerk, man.

- Just count to ten. - He hurt my butt.

- I know. I know. It's alright.

Hey hey hey hey hey hey...

Come with me.

- Where?

- Just follow my lead.

- Okay.

- Uhh...so uhh...

Kid Danger and I are gonna go uhh...

use the bathroom together.

- Nope. - Yep. So uhh...

don't come looking for us for a looong time.

- What? Dude, I am not gonna use the bathroom--

- It's kinda dark in here, dude.

- Welcome to the Mannex.

- Wow!

What's the Mannex?

- It's a secret room where I hang out

when everyone's buggin' me.

Jasper, Charlotte, Schwoz...

up until today, you.

- Fair.

- So...

what do you think?

- I love this place and I never wanna leave.

- This whole place is secret, dude.

Secret chairs. Secret wings.

Secret sauce. Nobody knows it's here.

- Oh there you guys are!

- Noooooo!

- Whoa, what is this room?

- Japser, what are you doing here?

- What? Zed's baby beard just fell out.

You guys wanna touch it?

- No I dont wanna touch it! That's gross.

- Jasper, Schwoz says

Zed has to put the beard under his pillow

or the beard fairy won't come.

- I was just showing Ray and Henry!

- What is this room?

- Just get out of here and stop asking questions.

- I have a question.

- Gah! - Seriously?!

- Is it cool if my cousin Larry

borrows your toothbrush?

- No! - Too late.

Hey, what is this room?

- N-n-nnnuh! It's a secret room, and it's ours.

- Well, I want a secret room!

- Me too! - With wings...

- Yeah. - And a chair...

- Yeah! - And a poster of fighter pilots

with a picture of my face taped over one of them.

- Eh...

- Then go make your own room.

This room is for--

this room is for crime fighters only.

[ gasps ]

- So you don't think we help fight crime?

- Of course you "help".

You know? But we're uhh...

we're out there fighting Arson Boy.

- That's right. - So unless you got torched

by a twelve year old with a flame thrower uhh...

- Get out!

- I am not leaving.

- C'mon let's go! - Get out.

- I don't want to get... - Get out.

- I am not moving. - Out, come on.

- Keep moving.

- All of you out.

- Some people just don't know their place.

What?

Ahhh!

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ahhh!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- ♪ I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU... ♪

AND I'LL NEVER FALL OFF...

- Dad, a little help with this karaoke machine.

- I'm helping by testing it out.

♪ I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU... ♪

♪ TOP DAWG I'M A BOSS...

- I'd love it if you helped by lifting!

[ doorbell rings ] - I'll get it.

Aw Piper, what'd ya do?

- Ahhh!

Thanks for the help, dad.

- You're welcome.

- That wasn't a real thanks...

it was a fake thanks...

which my tone implied...

- How can I help you officers?

- Your daughter Piper here is in big trouble.

- Ah, woah woah woah woah woah...

I'm sorry officers.

Yeah, I'm just trying

to take this karaoke machine to work.

And I feel like if I hear what you have to say

I'll get involved. So 'scuse me...

'scuse me, dad... 'scuse me, thank you.

And I...am... 'scuse me...

Gone!

- What'd she do? Jaywalk?

Litter? Steal a rich girl's pony?

- She hit me with her car.

- Ooo that's new!

- You were standing in the middle of the street!

- She was doing the Waikiki challenge!

- I'm sorry, what is the Waikiki Challenge?

- It's where one cop takes a video of their partner

hula dancing around the patrol car.

- I was mid-hula

when your daughter plowed over me.

- I said I was sorry!

- So are we!

Now we gotta do a buncha paperwork.

- Plus we gotta make all that soup!

- Yeah. - Because of Piper?

- Nah nah nah nah nah, 'see...

once a week one squad car makes soup

for all the other officers.

- Tomorrow's our turn.

Oh man it's gonna be an all-nighter.

- Yeahhh.

Anyways, we just wanted to bring her by

so yous could give her a hug before we take her to jail.

- I appreciate it.

Bring it in.

You're gonna do great in jail.

- Wait! What if I made the soup?

- What are you saying, baby girl?

- You guys need soup.

I need to not go to jail.

- Whoa whoa whoa,

you trying to bribe us with soup?

- What?! No. No, I was--

- 'Cuz if you are, we're in. - Yeah!

- I mean, if you're half as good at makin' soup

as you are at runnin' over cops I can't wait to taste it.

I can't wait!

- Well great!

What kind of soup do you guys want?

- Doesn't matter.

As long as it's scalding hot

and filled to the tippy top

of whatever pot you're cookin' it in.

- Oh it will be.

- Great, let's get those cuffs off you.

- Oh, I took 'em off in the back of your cop car.

- She's good.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- Wow. - Yup.

Wow.

[ children laughing ]

- Henry! Can you help me?

Winnie stepped on a mysterious key that

we think leads to a treasu-- - Nah nah nah nah nah.

I'm just trying to get this karaoke machine

to a secret room okay, Larry.

- Yeah, but we think the key

opens a magic chest full of treasure.

- If I listen I'll end up involved

and I do not want that.

- But it could lead to an adventure!

- La-la-la-la-la-la I'm exiting...

- ♪ PERFECT TAN, AND GLORIOUS HAAAAIR ♪

♪ HE PROTECTS ALLLL SWELLVIEW MAN AND WOOOO-MANNNNN ♪

♪ KIIIIIND!

♪ Especially moms

Hey!

- Dude, why would you have me go all the way home

and get my dad's karaoke machine

when you already had one right here?!

- Great question.

So uh... turn your machine off

so I can go back to singing.

- It's not on.

- Well where's that music coming from?

Schwoz's family?

- Nnnno, it's definitely not them,

they found this magic key or something.

- Nah-nah-nah don't tell me

I don't want to get involved. - Smart.

C'mon. Let's follow that tune.

- I think I can make it your party.

But I might be in jail.

It depends if I can make enough soup

to pay off the cops.

- Piper, you can't use every can we have

to make your bribe soup.

- Can I call you back? Yeah, it's him.

The cops said

that it has to be filled to the tippy top.

Does that look like the tippy top to you?

- It's pretty close.

- Do you want me to go to jail?

You know, sometimes I think

that you want me to go to jail.

- I don't want you to go to jail.

- Then hand me that can.

- Piper, you can't put this in there.

It's creamed possum.

- You can put anything in soup.

It's just gotta be wet.

See. It's fine.

[ muffled music playing ]

[ dance music playing ]

[ voice echoes ] ♪ Ladies love Schwoz

- THEY DO NOT!

- Hey! - What happened?

- I happened! - I also happened.

- Uhhhh, what are you doing in our secret room?

- Uhhhh, why do you have a secret room?

- 'Cuz that's what you told us to do

when you kicked us out of your secret room.

Remember? "Go make your own room.

This room is for crime fighters only."

- Dude, don't talk like this. Why would you do that?

- No, you do that! - I don't do that, Charlotte.

- Is that...

is that a party sized churro?!

- Dios mio!

- Ah ah ah ah...

this is a "fiesta-sized" churro,

and you guys can't have any.

- Yeah, this room is for non-crime fighters only.

- Oooh. - Oh.

- Yeah, so you need to get your butts outta here.

- Don't you tell me where to put my butt, Charlotte.

- Okay, woah! Woah! Woah!

- Ahhh!

- He's wearing my colors man!

Geez.

Look, let's make a deal.

- What kind of a deal?

- You guys get to keep your room all to yourselves...

- Love it. - Hate it.

- Okay, I'm not-- I'm not done...

I'm not done.

Me and Ray,

we get to keep our room all to ourselves...

- Our room is lame. - Still love it.

- BUT, BUT...

Ray and I take the fiesta-sized churro with us.

- YES! Yes! We uh--we get the churro.

- Deal. - Deal.

- Yes! Yes! - Yes!

- God I love you.

- Yeah...

you can take the churro... - Yes.

- When you pry it from my cold, dead hands!

- What?

- Aw, no... - What are you doing?

- NOOOOOOO!

- Okay, okay, Schwoz.

- Enjoy your churro.

- Ewww.

- Okay. Okay...

I'm gonna blow up the Man Cave.

- Should I follow him, or...?

- We should all follow him.

- Yay! - Weeee!

- Wooo!

- Ray, the magic key unlocked a chest

full of gold coins and treasures--

- Yeah yeah, I don't want to get involved!

- But we just want to share the treasure with everybody.

- What did I just say, Larry?!

Huh?! What did I just say?!

- Ray, what is that thing?

- It's the Man Cave self-destruct button.

In the case of dire emergency,

or if I need to prove a point,

I press this thing

and it starts a countdown clock.

And when that clock says zero,

the Man Cave says boom!

- Ray, do not blow up the Man Cave!

- Oh, I won't have to. They're gonna back down.

This is how the big boys negotiate.

Trust me. - I do not trust you.

- Well you better trust me, Henry.

Or I'll blow up the Man Cave!

- Okay! I trust you!

- See? That's how it works.

- Ray, no! - Don't blow up the Man Cave!

- You can have our room! - No, he can't!

[ all yelling ]

- Calm down!

- Hey! Listen to me!

I am a shallow, impulsive,

immature, man-child.

So you will apologize to both of us

and make us a fiesta-sized churro.

Or I will blow this whole thing sky high.

- Well, I will hit this button myself

before I apologize to you.

- Well, I will blow up the Man Cave

if we don't all stop fighting!

We're friends. If we can't get along,

then we don't deserve a Man Cave.

- Well, I don't think

that anybody should blow up the Man Cave,

ever, for any reason.

And I actually think we should all just take

our hands away from the button. Okay?

- Well I am feeling left out!

-Man Cave self-destruct activated.

- Who touched the button?!

- I didn't!

- I think you did it!

- I was never going to hit it!

I was only bluffing!

- You couldn't have been bluffing!

I was bluffing! - This is all your fault!

[ all yelling ]

- HHHHEEEEYYYY!!

Is this place really gonna self-destruct?

[ alarm ringing ]

- Um...yes.

- And you really can't stop it?

- Um...no.

- Oh my god! - Ahhh!

- Hurry up with that soup.

- Unless yous want to go to jail.

- We're on our way!

- Oh, no, no, no...

she's gotta carry it herself.

- And she can't spill a drop.

- Really?! Not one drop?

- Nope. That's the law.

- That doesn't sound like the law.

- And yet... it is.

- Gaa... - Hmmmk...

- Shut up!

- Gah... - Oooo...

- N-no no no...

[ all screaming ]

- Waaaiiiittt!!! - What?!

- I left my dad's karaoke machine inside!

Do you think there's still time--

[ expl*si*n ]

- Ahhhhhh!!! Our soup!

- Don't spill it! - Careful, Piper!

- Shaking news-- something is happening.

- Everybody panic!

- Sweet Valley High,

this is shaking my bacon.

- Whoahhhhhh.

- Whoah.

- I don't want to go to jail!

- Are we causing the ground to shake?!

- No!

- Great gumdrops!

- Ahhhh!

- Beeee calm, my brothers!

Beeee calm

and we'll all make it out a-hive!

- I can't believe it...

- We blew up the Man Cave...

- Yeah.

- We did.

- You maniacs!

You blew it up!

Ohhhh, dang you!

Gosh dang you all as well!

- I can't believe you didn't spill a drop

during that weird, poorly timed earthquake.

- You must really not want to go to jail.

- I sure don't!

- Let's sign the papers and officially

take possession of the soup...

- If you're cookin' is half as good as your balance.

the whole station's gonna eat well tonight.

[ laughter ]

- Maybe it's not as bad as we think.

Or maybe it's worse.

- She's right.

This is worse than the other ones.

- I know.

- What other ones?

- Oh, the other Man Caves we've blown up.

Schwoz built, like, ten of 'em.

- Yeah.

- I'm terribly sorry, what?

- I didn't build just one Man Cave.

Ray is very irresponsible.

- It's true.

- So I built one Man Cave and nine spare Man Caves,

each one below the other.

Let's see, we started with ten Man Caves,

we've blown up five so far, which leaves...

- Hey. Hey!

What do you mean

you've blown up five Man Caves so far?

- Well, the first one was an accident.

Granted.

The second one was a prank gone very wrong.

Umm...

The third one got invaded by Mole People.

- Egh, I hate Mole People. - Oh my god, they're the worst.

- Wait, Mole People are real?!

- Yes, and they are impossible to get rid of.

Uhhhh, oh-- the fourth one...

I saw this spider right,

I went to get a tissue, and turned around,

couldn't find it for the life of me,

so, obviously...

- [ makes expl*si*n sound ]

- Uhhhh...

fifth one got blown up over a churro--

oh you guys were there for that one.

- Woahhhh woah woah... so you're saying

that there's more Man Caves right below this one?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I wouldn't risk blowing up our only Man Cave

over a churro. That would be crazy.

- Who wants to see the new Man Cave?

- Eeeeee.

- Whoah.

- [ giggles ]

- [ inhales ]

It's got that new Man Cave smell.

- This is amazing.

- It looks exactly the same.

- Sure does. - Yeah.

- Okay. First things first.

Let's put the self-destruct button away

before someone accidentally hits it again.

- Grrr!

- What's that?! - It's a mole person!

- MOLE PEOPLE NEVER DIE!!!!!

[ alarm sounds ]

-Man Cave self-destruct activated.

- Back in the elevator, people...

- And here is your bribe receipt.

- Thank you.

- Do I smell possum?

- Creamed.

- I love that.

- Easy, Walnut.

Let's wait until we get that soup down to the station.

[ rumble ] - Ahhhh!

- Shaking news again!

- Everybody keep panicking!

- Whoahhhhh

- I wasn't even supposed to work today!

- Ahhhh! Ahh! - Oooh! Oooh!