05x19 - Massage Chair

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- You know what I love?

- What? - Tell us.

- Doin' nothin'.

- Oh yeah.

- Doin' nothin' is great.

- You know what's better than doin' nothin'?

- What? - Tell us?

- Nothin'.

- True. - Facts.

[ door alerts ]

- Captain Man and Kid Danger are back!

Everyone look like you're working!

- Ahhh!

- Oh, look who's back! - Oh, hey.

We didn't even see you

with all this real work we've been doing.

- So, how'd the mission go?

- Yeah! Did you guys capture Slappy Pete?

- Yeah, we got him. But he slapped me pretty good.

Is there a mark?

- Ehhhh... - So red.

- Tiny-handed freak...

- I didn't know Slappy Pete has six fingers.

- He was holding a tiny, little hot dog

when he slapped me.

Tiny-handed, hot dog eatin' freak...

- Where's Ray?

- Oh, He's gonna be here in a couple seconds

with a little surprise.

- What is it?! - Is it backpacks?!

Please tell me it's backpacks.

- What? No, dude. What's your deal with backpacks?

- Name a better invention. I'll wait.

- Uh, the wheel.

- Name two. I'll wait.

- The toilet. - Name three. I'll--

- What's the surprise?!

- Let's just say it's something you can "sit" in.

- Is it a chair?

- I was also going to guess chair.

- Kay, it's a chair.

That was an obvious clue. Pete slapped me so hard.

- Who wants to guess what I have under this sheet?!

- Chair. - Is it a backpack?!

- Whoever said backpack was wrong.

- I already told 'em it was a chair.

- Well then whoever said backpack is an idiot.

Because it's a chair!

[ gasps ]

- That's a Royal Relaxer Massage Chair.

- Ha ha...

Hold on to your brains

'cause I'm about to blow your minds!

[ rock music plays ]

♪ Taking a trip on a highway... ♪

- How did you guys even get this thing?

- Ah, well uh when we finally caught up with Pete

he was slappin' a bunch of people at that uh,

fancy Ukrainian massage chair store.

- Chair Noble? - That's the one.

And the owner was so happy we stopped him

that he was just like

you can have any chair in the store.

And we were like "How about that one?"

- And he was like...

"Ohhhh nooo any chair but that one!"

- And we were like, "Shut up, dude, you said any!"

And he was like...

- "Oh no, why did I say any"

- Then we took it.

- We did, we did...

We took his chair. - Oh my God.

- He was so tiny. - That was all he had.

- Wait, wait, wait. Did you walk

through Junk-N-Stuff dressed as Captain Man?

- Pfft. No.

Yes, I did. Whoopsies.

Ah, if you'll all excuse me

I need to go erase some memories upstairs.

Schwoz? A little help?

- Can I do the wiping this time?

- Uh, maybe when you're older.

- Awww.

Can I help drag the body outside?

- Sure thing champ.

- I just looked this thing up online,

it costs $,!

- That's for the base model. This one's an upgrade.

- Yep. It warms up your butt.

- Your butt?!

- And it's got individual rubbin' zones.

- So many zones!

Dude, you gotta believe me!

I just saw Captain Man!

Nah nah he wasn't fighting crime,

he was just like rolling this big chair

through this store! Yeah I think it was--

- Tap tap.

- One sec, dude. Someone wants to talk to me.

Duuude.

- I think you're forgetting something.

- Whoa...

- Whoah, dude, I was totally wrong.

It wasn't Captain Man

just another really handsome dude.

Later brah!

He's all yours, Schwoz...

- I am gonna scroll through this guy's photos.

- Get out! It's my turn!

Ahh!

- Ooo, that's nice.

Will you take off my other boot?

- Charlotte, make him get out!

You know we deserve a turn too.

- No, no. It's his turn.

He's the one that got slapped today.

- Uh-huh.

- [ gasps ]

Oh My. God.

That--that is amazing.

- What's amazing? - What?

- I don't see it. What am I lookin' at?

- We don't see anything.

Stick your head in there, dude.

All right, all right.

- Keep looking.

It takes about to minutes to appear.

- Okay, ha-ha,

that's funny, that's a good trick.

Get out.

- No.

- I'm gonna count to three

and if you're not out of that chair I'm gonna--

- You're gonna what?

- One... - Two, three?

- Okay. That's it!

- H-hey! Noo! Let me stay!

- Get in there. - On it, on it!

- Ahhh! - It's my chair!

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ahhh!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ music ]

- No it's my turn in the chair.

I'm on my way to work right now.

Okay don't-- don't sit in that chair.

- Don't. Lookatherleg. - What?

- Piper's been on a seven-day scooter ride

for that pet charity.

- Scootering For Neutering, I know it.

- Yeah, well, what you don't know

is that she never switched her push leg.

For seven days!

- Her push leg?

- When you scooter,

you got a plant leg and a push leg.

Scientists say you have to swap legs every day, or else...

She's coming!

- What happens if you don't switch legs, dad?

- Just don'tlookatherleg!

- Look at my leg!

- Uhhh, ha ha ha...

- LOOK AT MY LEG!

- I gotta look!

OHHHHHHHH!

I don't like it. Ahhh.

- I knew it!

I'm a freak!

- Oooo... - Youch!

- Get away from that chair!

- No!

Owww! - It's not your turn!

- It's not yours, either!

I'm sittin' in that massage chair, Jasper!

- Go 'head! See what happens.

- Are you threatening me?

- I'm trying to!

- Well you know what it's not working.

- All right, all right.

Outta my way I got a massage coming!

Whoa!

- You're five minutes late.

- Which means you missed your turn.

- Okay...

I understand...

But there's seomthing you guys should both know...

I've got two zappers! Uh oh!

- Whoah, whoah! - Uh oh!

Papa's home for dinner!

That's right! I'm crazy.

I'll do it. - Come on!

- You know what?

I'm the one who fought Slappy Pete,

so I should be able to use the chair whenever I want.

- I'm the one who figured out

that Slappy Pete was even heading to Chair Noble!

- Ah beh beh beh beh beh beh!

Ray told me to shut up

right before the emergency call came in,

and I did. So if I hadn't,

you wouldn't have even heard the call so...

- That doesn't make any sense! - So I should get the chair!

- Okay, okay, everybody shut up!

Now I've been listening to you guys argue

for the past ten seconds and I am sick of it.

- It wasn't me... [ all muttering ]

- Now normally, I would teach you all a lesson

by lighting that chair on fire

and forcing you all to watch it burn.

- No! Don't! - Burn me instead!

- But I'm halfway through the first chapter

of this audiobook, so I'm gonna do what it says.

- How To Be A Boss Boss?

- That's right.

Schwoz!

- Uh, real quick, big dog,

I don't know if you heard,

but I'm the one who actually fought Slappy Pete, so uh--

- Well, no, no... - No, no...

- I'm the one who got you there...

Looks like it's chair burnin' time!

- No, no, no! - We're sorry!

- How To Be A Boss Boss says

I shouldn't let you guys fight over a chair...

It says I should make you fight over a chair.

- That doesn't make sense. - It really says that?

- I will fight the world for this chair.

- You called for me, boss?

- Yeah. Get the death snake.

- Why should I get the death snake?

- Because I'm the boss boss and I say say so so.

- No, but you're indestruct-- - Do as I say!

You want me to say it louder? DO AS I SAY!

- No, no, no-- - It's not gonna bite you.

It's not even poisonous. - I will perish.

- Ok, it's very poisonous. - Yes, it is!

- I don't know why I said that. - You go!

- I'm not gonna go. - Go, go, go...

- Fine! FINE! Fine ya big baby.

I'll go get the death snake!

♪ And the home of the... ♪

♪ Cave

- So uh, why did we just sing the Man Cave National Manthem?

- Because this is the opening to The Ray Games.

A series of physical and mental challenges.

And the winner of The Ray Games...

gets the massage chair.

- I got this... - I want that chair.

- I'm nervous but that chair will heal me.

- Great. Round one.

Put the hat on the death snake.

- What? - No way.

Why would I? - Woah, woah woah...

woah dude, that's crazy.

- Yeah nobody's putting a hat on a death snake.

- Hmm. Guess you guys don't want that chair do ya?

- I do no, I just think you're a psychopath.

- I think I made myself clear. I just don't want death.

- Done!

That snake did not want to wear a hat.

- Round one goes to Jasper!

- Gah! - Seriously?!

- Get your head in the game. - Find your power, Charlotte.

- Get in the game... - Find your power...

- Last one on the couch wins this round!

- I'm good! - Not even dizzy!

- Let me know when it's gonna get tough!

- Make it tough.

- Whoah, whoah...ahh! - Ahhhh!

[ all screaming ]

- You gonna turn it off?

- I'm thinkin' about it.

- I win! I win. Turn it off!

- Okay now I'll turn it off.

- Gahhh! - Oof!

- Winner!

- Points to Jasper!

- Yeeaaaassss!

My singlet gives me strength.

- Your singlet gives me the creeps.

- Over to you, Jasper.

- Is there a three?

- It's uhhh,... it's a phrase, Jasper.

Just words not numbers.

- Oh Right, right, right, right, right, right, right...

I'd like to solve it.

It's not your turn anymore.

- I'd still like to solve it.

- Over to you, Henry.

- Is there an S?

- There is an "S"!

- Okay. I'd like to solve the puzzle.

- Go ahead.

- The phrase is, "Blessing In Disguise".

[ error buzzer ]

- Oh I'm sorry.

- What?!

- You're wrong.

- What else could it possibly be?

- I'd like to solve the puzzle.

- Go ahead, Charlotte.

- Ray thinks the phrase is...

"Blessing In Da Skies".

- That is Correct!

- Th--That's not even a phrase dude!

Not the phrase. - Yes it is!

- And why is there an exclamation point at the end?

- Because that's how you say the phrase.

"Look at those clouds.

They're a blessing in da'skies!"

- You are so dumb. - So wrong.

- First one to finish their danglin' donuts

wins this round!

- How hard can that be?

- You'll see...

Aaaaaand...

go nuts on those donuts!

- Hoopla kitty, hoopla kitty.

Nyah, nyah, nyah.

- Done!

- Jasper wins again!

- What?! - Are you kidding me?!

- I really want that chair.

- Oh, yeah?

You really want that chair?

- I think that has been established.

- You want it enough...

...to die for it?!

- Uh, no.

- Yeah, me neither.

- Want it. Not that much.

- Well are you willing to...

stand in one place for a long time for it?!

- That is more acceptable. - Yeah, for sure.

- I mean, it beats dyin'.

- Still think this is better than dying?

- I do. - Yeah, me too.

- This pole feels goooood under my foot.

- Huh...okay.

Well while we are waiting for two of you to fall,

let's listen to some more of How To Be A Boss Boss.

- Chapter Two:

Why you should never let your employees use the bathroom.

- Smart. Smart...

- ♪ Sew, sew, sew your pants

♪ Gently down the... seam ♪

[ rumbling ]

- Ah! Good timing.

I just finished fixing your pants.

Oops. - Don't worry about it.

I borrowed a pair of mom's pregnancy pants,

and as long as I don't flex my leg too much they should be--

Oh, come on!

- I just don't sew like I used to.

- How I am supposed to live my life

when my stupid leg keeps ripping all my pants?!

They're all like this now!

- I know. And I've been thinking.

- Oh, god...

- The only solution is for you to--

Eek! Spider!

Spider!

Call your mother.

She'll know how to take care of it.

- I got it...

- Call your mother.

She'll know how to take care of it.

- Chapter Twenty Seven:

How to take other people's ideas

and claim them as your own.

- Uggghhhhh! This contest is taking forever!

How can we speed this up?

- We could throw stuff at them.

- What?! - No!

- That's a terrible idea. - Thank you.

- But...

your bad idea did just give me a great idea--

what if we throw stuff at them?

- I just said what if we--

- My idea! We're doing it!

- Dude, you can't just throw stuff at us.

- Yeah, that's not fair.

- One bowl of the finest throwin' foods, please.

- One bowl of throwin' foods.

- Nooo!!

- Let's get this done!

- No, no. - Ahhhhh!

- Hey, leave me alone.

- Stop, it's done. Ow!

- Ha ha!

- You're out, dude!

- Ayyyyyyeee!

- Ha ha!

- Nicely done, Charlotte.

- So did I win?

- You won that round.

- But who's in the overall lead?

- Good question...

Show me the leader board!

- What? - Boom!

That chair is about to have this guy's butt groove in it!

- Whatever. - Now, now...

don't count your butt grooves before you've sat.

- Dude look at the board. The game is basically over.

- Oh, it would be.

If the final round weren't worth ten-million points.

- What? - Yes!

- That's way too many points!

- What's your problem?

- My problem is the previous rounds meant nothing!

I got bit by a death snake!

I wore very tight clothing to throw a bean bag!

- I think you liked that. - I did but I'm still mad!

- Just tell us about the final round, dude.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah...

- To win the final round,

you'll have to use your brains...

- YES! - No!

- So what do we have to do?

- You'll have to outsmart a monster.

- Pfft. Monsters aren't real.

- Talkin' about your sister.

[ gasps ]

- Piper?! - That's right.

First person to get Henry's sister to give them her phone,

take a selfie, and send it to me from her number...

wins the massage chair.

This book is amazing.

- Okay, you can look now.

- How is this supposed to help me?

- Vertical stripes make everything look thinner.

- Well it's not working!

- Henry, great!

What do you think of the stripes

I painted on your sister's leg?

- Looks terrible. Watch out!

- Hey.

- Listen, I think that we uh--

There was a little bit of a mixup this morning

with our phones. You took mine.

Let's switch back okay?

- That's impossible.

I've been staring at my phone all day.

- Uh no, no, no, no,

no actually that's seriously my phone,

can I just have it back?

- Whoa girl. Easy...

- Ah! Son of a biscuit!

- What was that? - Oh nothing!

Just just give me your phone! I love you!

- Someone unlock this door!

- Jasper, stop smacking my wife's house!

- Why do you want my phone so bad?

- Uhh, 'cause it's the best.

'Cause you're the best.

Look at you just being the best.

- Heyyyyy, Piper.

Hey Mister Hart.

- Don't. Lookatherleg.

- Don't look at her--? Oh my god!

That's...

that's totally a normal leg.

- It's disgusting!

- Sure is can I borrow your phone?

- Why? - Uh to text a boy!

- No. - Girl code?

- You know the girl code doesn't cover cell phones.

- Then give your phone to me! I also want to text a boy!

- Oh! Daughter of a dumpling!

Piper! Can I borrow your phone!

- Why does everyone want to borrow my phone?

- Because your phone is emitting a radioactive--

ahhhh fine I'm lying.

My boss is having a contest

and whoever wins gets a really sweet massage chair.

- A massage chair?

- Yes. And the first person to send him a selfie

from your phone gets the chair.

- I wonder if the vibrations from a massage chair

could shake the extra muscles of this leg

and spread them evenly through both legs.

- Only way for you to find out

is for you to give me your phone.

- That's not the only way. - Okay.

- Captain man he had a plan

to travel to Uzbekistan.

How many layovers did he have?

One, two, three, four--

- Hold up, hold up.

Looks like we have a winner!

Oooh!

Twist. - What?

- Hey, look!

My legs are back to incredible!

- Fantastic. - So happy for you.

- Got bit by a death snake today.

- Piper when do I get a turn?!

- After me! - No, I'm next, right?

Girl code?

- My face needs a chair massage

after I bashed it on your door!

- So you guys all want turns?

- Yes!

- Okay.

Maybe we can have a little competition for it.

- I will destroy you all! - I'm getting that chair!