05x27 - EnvyGram Wall

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

[ in unison] - Right and left and up and in.

Folding napkins for the win.

Right and left and up and in.

Folding napkins for the win.

- Love you man. - You too.

[ in unison ] - Right and left and up--

- Yeah, I don't get it.

- See, you just go like this: right and left and up and in.

- No. I know how to fold napkins.

I just don't know why we have to fold them.

[ Henry and Jasper groan in unison ]

- It's for charity, Charlotte.

Napkins for the Needy.

- Right, you can be part of the problem

or part of the solution. - Up to you.

- Right... but how does folding napkins help the needy?

- Oh my god...

- You don't think napkins are helpful?!

- I do. I just think that we should give the needy

basic things instead. Like clothes, or food.

- Well uh how are the needy supposed to wipe their mouths

after they're done eating your precious "food", Charlotte?

- Yeah! And do not say on their clothes.

- Because that would ruin the clothes that you just gave them.

I just-- - Think, Charlotte.

[ in unison ] - Right and left and up and in.

Folding napkins for the win.

- What's up? - Hey.

[ in unison ] - Right and left and up and in.

Folding napkins for the win.

- Whoa! - Hey!

- Okay fine I'll tell you!

- Tell us what?

- Captain Man and Kid Danger just got hired

to work security at... Moooommmmm Coooonnnnn!

Yeah! Yes! Yeah!

Feel that! Yes!

- What's Mom Con? - Go home. Just leave.

- I don't know what Mom Con is either.

- Bye.

- Mom Con is a convention of moms.

- It's the mother of all conventions.

- And it comes to Swellview every year.

- And there's only two ways to get into Mom Con:

be a mom or work security.

- Yeah, and uh last year Ray's mom costume was terrible.

- Look. - Let me see.

- Can you believe it?

- He's so desperate. - He needs it so bad.

- I've lost all respect for him.

- Ah ha ha. I thought I told you two to leave.

- Dude, I don't want to work security at Mom Con.

That sounds boring.

- Henry, look. You know I love moms, okay.

Please do not ruin this for me.

I will literally never ask you for help with anything

ever again in your life ever.

- Okay, fine. I'll work Mom Con with you.

- Great. I just need your help with one other thing

before that. - What?! You just said--

- That was the past, Henry! Let's focus on the future.

Specifically, this weekend when you and I

will guard the EnvyGram Wall. - What?

SCHWOZ: What's the EnvyGram Wall?

- Where'd you come from?

- I was napping in my hutch when you guys woke me up.

- The EnvyGram Wall is a mural that travels around the country.

- If you have ten-thousand followers

on your EnvyGram account you can take a picture

in front of the wall to make other people jealous.

- I want to take my picture in front of the EnvyGram Wall!

- See that's how it works.

- Henry and I have to guard the wall all weekend

and make sure that only people

with at least ten-thousand EnvyGram followers

take their picture in front of it.

- All weekend?!

- Forty-eight straight hours, yeah.

- Nope nope nope, I'm not doing that.

- Hey! The men running Mom Con told me

the only way we work security is if we guard the EnvyGram Wall first.

- But--I-- - I want you on that wall, Henry.

I need you on that wall.

- But I don't care about Mom Co--

- Do not come in between me and Mom Con!

I will end you. - Wow. Nice.

Real mature. - C'mon, Hen.

Ray needs a win. - Yeah, he's been angry

ever since that video of the bird pooping in his mouth went viral.

- Oh yeah, I forgot about that. - And you will continue

to forget about that or I will end you.

- Anybody want to watch the video?

- Yes please. - All the time.

- Schwoz, don't you pull up that video or I will end you!

- He just says that. - Put it up. - Click play.

- Captain Man, you've travelled through time, space,

and even underground to keep Swellview safe.

So tell us, who's your favorite Spice Girl?

- Uhhhh...

- Uh, ehh!

HENRY: Oh, nerr. What a loser!

- This just in Captain Man's mouth:

- Ight in ma mouth! - poop.

- Where is his dignity? - I know!

- Stop laughing at me!

- Oh oh!

- So you finally laser proofed the monitors, huh?

- Yeah. - Good job.

[ music ]

- This is Brian "The Fender" Bender with Captain Man

who's about to let the first V.I.G.'s,

or very important grammers,

stand in front of the EnvyGram Wall

to take their P.I.C.'s, or photos in color.

- Preston, are you excited for your wallfie?

- Hey guys, I got a lot going on right now.

But I'm also taking some me time

because self care is so important.

- They don't really talk. They just look into screens

and say stuff that doesn't make any sense.

- If you don't live your truth, you'll die your lie.

And don't forget to try Pimplé skin cream,

because self care is so important.

- Alright just show me your follower count, pouty mouth.

- Eleven-thousand.

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

- Just get in there.

[ music ]

PERSON IN CROWD: Whoa!

- Landscape please.

I have seven exclusive filters on my phone.

I need you to use them in the following order:

Sepulveda, Melrose, Rodéo--

- Annnnd we're done.

- My baby!

- Psst!

- Piper? What do you want?

I'm guarding the wall. - I know.

I wanna take a wallfie in front of it but, uh...

I'm a few followers short right now.

- Are you serious? You don't have ten-thousand followers?

- It's been a tough month, okay? But you know I'm good for it.

Let me sneak in there and take a pic.

- Okay, fine. Make it quick.

- Uh, excuse me. Hello?

- Hey. - What's up? What's up?

- Hey. What's going on? Hi.

- Does she have enough followers to take a picture?

- Um... yes?

- Yeah we're good we're good we're good.

Ten-kay ten-kay I've got ten-kay.

- Well, Iiii'm going to need to go ahead

and verify that for myself.

- Or you could just take my word for it.

- Well then I wouldn't be doing my job...

which I'd like to do this weekend.

As well as next month.

At Mom Con: the mother of all conventions.

- Dude, are you serious?

- I'm deadly serious, Kid Danger.

I don't joke about moms.

- Just give me my phone! - Well rules are rules!

- Alright, alright. Just relax. - They don't just apply

to other people. Ah! Don't bite me!

- Just shut up! - No you shut up!

- You shut up! - You shut up!

- You shut up! - You shut up!

- Okay! I'm good. I'm just gonna walk away.

- Good choice. - Well that's why I'm doin' it.

- Fine. - But I'll be back...

when you least expect it.

- I'll be here.

[ loud gasp ]

- Sorry you had to see that--

- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

- I expect that! No, you do not get to...

Stop it! - I get to take as many photos

as I want! - No, this is not for you!

- Give it to me! - Stop it!

- Stop! You're trying to destroy my dreams!

- Stop it! You have a sickness.

- No I don't. - A sickness, this behavior.

What are you doing? Ahh!

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick. - Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles... and fight crime.

Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ music ]

- Hey hey! I hit up the Circle J

for a couple of freedom size candy bars.

Kid?

Kid?!

Awww. He's fallen asleep.

I guess I better wake him up.

Hey little fella.

You fell asleep, little guy.

- What's up? - I said you FELL...

[ honks air horn ] ASLEEP!

- I'm up! I'm up, man!

I'm up! Geez stop man stop!

Man!

- You're supposed to be guarding the wall.

- From who?! There's no one's here,

it's four in the morning! - That's right.

It's the perfect time for one of those EnvyGrammers

that doesn't have enough followers to sneak in here

and take a pic while you're sleeping--

- Are those candy bars freedom size?

- Shhhh!

[ bird cooing ]

I know that sound.

- Sounds like it's coming from...

Awww... it's a little bird.

Probably wants a pic with the EnvyGram wall.

How many followers do you have, lil guy?

- Don't move! - Huh?

- That's the bird.

- The one that used your mouth as a toilet?

- Yes!

- The one that dropped a dung on your tongue?

- Knock it off!

- The one that left a booty b*mb on your lip?

- I said knock it off!

- How do you even know it's the same one?

- Oh, that's him all right.

I singed his wing the first time we met.

- Where'd you get that?!

- I've been savin' this for a special occasion.

[ powers on ]

Tweet dreams, friend.

- No no no no. Wait!

You just blew up the EnvyGram Wall!

- Well at least I got that bird.

[ wings flapping ]

- Huh?

Ahhh! Ehhhh! Ahhww!

- He getcha again?

Yeah he got you again.

[ phone buzzing ]

- Time to drink my face.

Go for Schwozy.

- Ray accidentally destroyed the EnvyGram Wall last night.

- Yeah, saw that one coming.

- Yeah, well, uh there's a bunch of EnvyGrammers here

ready to take a picture with a wall that doesn't exist.

[ laughs ] - Saw that one coming too.

- And, uh, the same bird pooped in Ray's mouth -- again.

- I did not see that one coming.

[ giggles ] - Yeah, neither did Ray.

No but seriously he's not doing well.

- Ah ah.

- Anyway... Ray messed something up

and we need you to fix it.

- Schwoz, Schwoz, you gotta help me, man!

- Yeah I know--

- If they find out I blew up the EnvyGram Wall,

I'll lose the Mom Con job as well as any reason to live.

Do you understand me? - Relax, buddy.

No need to catch poop in your mouth over this.

[ Schwoz and Kid Danger giggle ]

- Just help me!

- Hey, cargo pants! Show us your wall.

We wanna take pics.

- Okay, first of all, these are utility pants.

And second of all, you don't even have enough followers

to take a photo in front of the wall.

- Uh yeah I do.

- Wait, what? - Yeah, what?

- I've been hustlin' on EnvyGram for the past twelve hours.

I spent all night last night taking pictures of puppies

and saying things like, "Self care is so important."

[ in unison ] - Self care is really important.

- Now I got ten-thousand followers.

So pop off that curtain and let's get grammin'.

- Uhhh...well look.

[ Kid Danger makes a very fake sounding text alert ]

- Oh. Just got a text message on my smart phone.

And now simply to check it.

What ho?

Why, I've received word from the good people at EnvyGram!

- You did? I didn't get one.

- Well, uh, why don't I just read you mine then -- out loud.

Just gonna paraphrase here...

- I thought you said you were going to read it out loud

- Why don't you shut your mouth.

It says that... you now need one-million followers

to take a picture at the EnvyGram wall.

- What? - No way.

- I just don't understand why you got a text and I didn't.

'Cuz I'm kind of the point person on this thing.

- What are you talking about, dude--

- I have a million followers.

- She does. - Uhhhh... did I say a million?

- Yes. When you paraphrased.

- Right. Well, I must have read that wrong.

- See, this is why I should be the point person.

- Uh, you actually need to have --

does anybody here have ten-million followers?

- No. - No.

- Well that's how much you need! You need ten-million.

At least. To get-- to do it.

So. Yeah. - That seems excessive.

- I hate you!

- So, uh, yeah, folks! Unless anybody here

has ten-million followers, curtain stays closed.

Okay? Alright.

- Okay, listen, from now on if the EnvyGram people text you,

you need to tell me right away.

- What are you talking about, dude?

They didn't text me. I just made that up

so they'd leave and buy us some time while we fix this.

- Oh I get it. It's a lying thing.

- Yes. - Smart.

- Hey! - Oh, it's your sister. She's coming.

- Okay. - Do not say.

- I won't. - Do not say.

- Okay. Okay. - Not a word.

- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Something happened to the wall, didn't it.

- Ray blew it up. - Oh come on!

[ music ]

- Okay, so what's the plan? I can't watch these influencers

try to teach Ray how to take the perfect selfie anymore.

- Well that doesn't feel right... - No, hold your arm higher...

- higher than this? - it should hurt, yeah...

- this does hurt... - if it's hurting you're doing it right...

- alright... - now look down...

with your eyes not your face...

- don't tell me what to do with my face...

- then say the word "prune" - prune...

- and snap the pic.

[ gasps ]

- Crassus, you are a genius. - That's right.

Hashtag Crassus with three dollar signs.

- See, now I hate you again.

- Okay, first step -- Jasper's going to sneak

behind the curtain with Schwoz's super sucker

and get rid of all the rubble from the old wall.

- Noice.

- Once Jasper is out of the way,

Schwoz will put the miniature version of the wall into place

and use the Gro-Bro Three-thousand.

- What does the Gro-Bro Three-thousand do?

- Makes things grow, bro.

- Swet. See you soon.

CHARLOTTE: I actually might be a while.

I need some time to finish recreating

the SkunkButterMoose mural.

PIPER: HASHTAG BOOSHDAG IS COMING!

HASHTAG BOOSHDAG IS COMING!

HASHTAG BOOSHDAG IS COMING!

- What? - Hashtag Booshdag!

He's en route!

- Are you saying words?

- Hashtag Booshdag is the most successful

EnvyGrammer in the world. - So?

- So he's got two-hundred-million followers,

and he's on his way here right now

to take a pic in front of the wall.

- Hashtag Booshdag is coming!

Hashtag Booshdag is coming! Prepare the way!

- You need to hurry. - Okay, we gotta go!

Jasper, did you just eat that whole gummy bear?

- I'm gonna trowe up.

- Here... do it in the super sucker.

[ music ]

- Breaking news, Swellview has a fever!

And its name is "Booshdag!"

Hashtag Booshdag, that is, who is moments away from arriving

to take his picture at the EnvyGram Wall.

I used to be a w*r correspondent in Afghanistan.

- Are we too late? - No.

- I trowed up. - Okay?

Just go suck up the rubble from the first wall.

- We need a distraction. - On it.

I'll put on a pirate hat and climb up that tree.

Once I'm up there, I'll come up with a better plan.

Then you two switch clothes--

- Hashtag Booshdag is here! He approaches!

♪ Like like

- Go go go.

♪ Like like like like like like ♪

♪ Like like like like like like ♪

[ music ]

♪ sorry sorry not sorry ♪

♪ sorry sorry not sorry sorry sorry not sorry ♪

♪ sorry sorry not sorry ♪

♪ Hope you like me 'cause I like myself ♪

♪ myself...me

- Like... like...

like...like...like...like...

like...like...like...

Follow.

[ the crowd gasps ]

- Show me the wall.

- Okay!

Everyone ready to see the same wall that was here before?

I know I sure am.

Yep... same wall.

Comin' up.

- I...

like.

- Yay! - Yeah!

- Nice. - We did it.

- Hold my phone. - Why?

- You're gonna get a picture of me with that wall.

[ music ]

- PIIIIIIIIIIIPERRRRR, NOOOOOO!

- STOOOOOP HEEERRRRR!

- OOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!

- ACCCCCCCCTUUUUUUUUAAAAAALLLLY, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT DOOOOOOOO

IIIIIIIII CAAAAAAAAAARE?

- STOOOOOP HEEERRRRR!

- IT'S THE BIIIIRRRRRRD!

- THE ONE THAT POOOOPED INNNNN YOUUUURRRR MOUUUUTHHHH!

- SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUP BRIIIIAAANNNN!

- NOOO! YOU'LLLLL TROOOOWWWWE UUUUUP!

- BUUUUT IT'S SOOOOO GOOOOD!

- NOOOOOO!

- SAAAAAAAAAY PRRRUUUUUUUNNNNE!

- DIIIIIEEEEE DOOOO DOOOO BIIIRRRRD!

- NOOOOOOO!

[ the crowd gasps ]

- Aw, missed it.

- Did you get the pic?! Tell me you got it!

- I got it.

- Yes! - Noooooo!

- Aw, shut up!

- Nice going. - Don't worry.

I'll get that bird someday.

- Yeah, but what about Mom Con? - Huh?

- They're gonna see that you just blew up the wall

you're supposed to be guarding.

- Just get Schwoz to build another one

before the Mom Con people even find out.

- What's up, guys, you just saw it live on Preston's Story...

Captain Man just destroyed the EnvyGram wall!

- I think they know, dude.

- Uh, okay, I put a pirate hat on and climb up that tree.

Then you and Jasper switch clothes--

[ phone alert rings ]

- It's Mom Con. We're fired.

- NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ehhh! Ahhhhh!

[ Crowd ] - Ewww!

- Whatever, I'm used to it now.