03x13 - Forever Young

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Son of a Critch". Aired: January 4, 2022 – present.*
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11-year-old Mark is growing up in 1980s Newfoundland, where he navigates starting junior high school, making friends, and connecting with the small collection of people in his limited world.
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03x13 - Forever Young

Post by bunniefuu »


SISTER ROSE: These are
your high school course

selection sheets, students.

Choose wisely.

The poor decisions you make
today will haunt you forever.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: The last week
of the last year of Junior High.

We get to pick our own classes?

I'm doing music!

MARK: Theatre arts?

A whole class of just acting?

I love high school!

I'm just gonna take all
the burn-out classes.

Home Ec, check.

Shop, check.

Gym, double check.

SISTER ROSE: Well, isn't that too bad?

I'm sure you'll all miss each other.

How do you mean?

You've all been in the same
class since the seventh grade,

but the high school is
made up of feeder schools

from all over town.

And if you're picking
different subjects, well,

you may never see each other again.

We were about to be mixed up,

like bingo balls in a tumbler.

This wasn't the start of something...

It was the end of everything!

FOX: I can't wait to
get out of this hole.

Don't count your chickens.

Your mathematics
examination is tomorrow.

And study up this time, Mister.

You should be in grade eleven by now.

He's gonna pass.

Oh, I hope so. Trust me.

I don't want either of
you in my class again.


SISTER ROSE: Mr. Critch?

A moment, please?

I'm afraid you're the
class valedictorian.

You mean... I got the best grades?

Calm down, Einstein.

You b*at Tina by three percent.

You're the best of a bad lot,

but you'll have to make a speech,

and you've got the
gift of gab, at least.

I'm honoured, Sister.

I think I'll start off
with like a little joke...

Maybe do my "What if
Mr. T was Canadian?" bit.

Mister "Eh"? Heh, spelled E-H.

From the "Eh Team," spelled E-H.

You'll do no such thing.
The Archbishop will be there.

Just say what you've learned.

I'll be approving your every word.

I will not be censored.

Lenny Bruce went to jail
for the comedian's...

Valedictorians can't fail.

Do the speech my way
and I'll push you through

no matter how badly
you flunk the math exam.

Pleasure doing business
with you, Sister.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: I wracked
my brain to think of something,

anything, I had learned in school.

Look at you, reading the paper.

I'm just checking out
the real estate ads.

MARY: Why're you looking
at real estate ads?


just wanted to see what's going on.

Are you moving out?

Can I have your room?

Wha... what do you
wanna take his room for?

MARY: Nobody's moving out!

You work next door.

What would you wanna move out for?


I-I was just thinking with
Linda and the baby and all,

I could probably use the space, right?

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: I didn't
know what I learned in school

but my brother never
learned when to shut up.

We don't want you wasting
your hard-earned money on rent.

You guys are okay with
her staying here, then?

God, no! We don't want a
baby bawling in the house!

It's bad enough with Pop!

And where am I gonna go?

You wanna put me into a home?

We're not gonna put you in a home.

We can't afford it.

MIKE SR: Look, Mike, if
you do decide to move out,

I'll support ya. Not
financially, but... you know.

Thanks, Dad.



POP: Looks like you're gonna be the one

looking for a place to live. [CHUCKLES]

SISTER ROSE: You will have 20 minutes

to finish your exam, children.

Hey, give it.

SISTER ROSE: I suggest
you use your time wisely.


- Pass it.
- No.

FOX: Pass it!

I'll be taking that, Missy.

Wouldn't want you tempted.

One last thing to confiscate

before you walk off into obscurity.

A souvenir, if you will.

And you, move your desk
up here next to mine.

CLASS: Oooh...





ADULT MARK [V.O.]: It was impossible.

Fox's brother had finished
ahead of everyone,

with five minutes to spare!

SISTER ROSE: Pencils down.

Mr. Critch, kindly collect the papers.

Her tutoring had paid off.

Fox's brother was...

You didn't finish.

I was the first finished!

MARK: You didn't do the back.

MIDDLE FOX: Nobody said to flip it over!

FOX: Nimrod!

You gotta let him finish.

I do not.

That's not fair!

Life isn't fair, Missy.

And besides, if it's
even-steven you're after,

it wouldn't be fair
to the other students

if I gave your brother extra time.

We have to stay together, Sister.

SISTER ROSE: I'm sure you will.

There's already one of you in jail,

and I'm sure the rest
are soon to follow.

Why do you have to be so...



ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Fox was right.

It wasn't fair.

And Sister Rose was also right...

Neither was life.

MIKE SR: And in entertainment news,

officials announced that August
will see the largest concert

in Newfoundland history

when we're visited
by popular entertainer

Rodney Stewart.

Now, here's d*ck
Dunphy with the traffic.


- Yeah?
- Yup?

Mr. Murphy approved your request.


Thanks, Gertie.

What request?

He asked to move into
the basement apartment.

Of our house?

It's a company house.

- Exactly!
- That'll do, Gertie.

Why'd you go over my head like that?

Dad, you know I need my own space.

You do, or Linda does?

It's the same thing.

That's so sweet.


I should go check the switchboard.

MIKE JR: Dad...

I'm not even really moving out.

I'm moving... under.

You're moving too fast.

Dad, I need to make my own way.

I don't wanna be living with my
parents for the rest of my life.

I did!

You said that I had your support.

You did. You do.

Just as long as you're
doing what's best for you.

She's what's best for me.


POP: So, how's the speech
coming along, Mr. Churchill?


Well, the cat's never
got your tongue before.

It's just, I don't know what
Sister Rose wants me to say.

Oh... well...

No wonder you can't write it.

It's got to come from the heart.

Here, let me see it.

Oof, what a scribble.

Ah, here. "We come here as children... "

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

"An education rooted in faith."


"We chose to go to high school

not because it's easy
but because it's hard."

Well... [SCOFFS]

Paraphrasing Kennedy!

Oh yeah? Hm.

You know, they sh*t Kennedy.

Pop, don't!



What's the first thing
that comes into your head

when you think about school?

My friends?

Hm, and what about them?

How I'm not gonna see them much anymore.

And how I'll miss them.

So write a speech about that.

Sister Rose said it had to
be about something I learned.

So what?

Look, if you've learned
something from your friends,

then say that.

- The school wants me...
- The school is a factory!

You'll learn way more
outside of its walls

than you ever will inside of them.

I mean, you already have.

You're a young man now.

Far too big to be sharing
a room with an old man.

That's not true.

If I learned anything from anyone,

it was from you.

But you don't want your own room?

I mean, isn't that a bit weird?


I am the only kid who shares
a room with his grandfather.


But I wouldn't want it any other way.



Night, Pop.

POP: Ah, goodnight.


Ah, Lord, I need to pee.


♪ I study nuclear science ♪

♪ I love my classes ♪

♪ I got a crazy teacher ♪

♪ He wears dark glasses ♪

♪ Things are going great ♪

♪ And they're only getting better ♪

♪ I'm doing alright ♪

♪ Getting good grades ♪

♪ The future's so bright ♪

♪ I gotta wear shades... ♪

♪ I gotta wear shades! ♪

♪ Shades, shades,
shades! Shades, shades! ♪

Welcome to the Class of
'89 Spiritual Retreat!

Okay, who's got a dream that
they're gonna make come true?

MARK: I wanna be a comedian!

FATHER GARCIA: Okay, cool.


Not the most realistic, though, right?

Advertising is a good career. Okay?

Who else has a dream?

I wanna be a musician!

I hear "music teacher"! Huh?

Fox, how about you?

I don't care.


No regrets! I love it. Yes!

Very cool.

Alright, let's break into groups.

Trust exercises!

You're all gonna bond so hard right now!

This is gonna be great!

Now, you're gonna
take turns falling back

into each other's arms.

Just give into it.

You trust me?

- Not at all.
- Don't worry. I got ya!

FATHER GARCIA: And... fall!

- [THUD]

You said that I could trust you!

You can't trust someone just
'cause they say you can, idiot.

He's not wrong. Are you okay?

- I'm fine, I...
- You gave him a concussion!

I better take him to the
fountain to get some water.

- No, I... I...
- Hope he doesn't sue!

Come on.

I guess I should sit down.

Suck it up, wuss. I got somewhere to be.

MARY: Mike!

You shouldn't have her carrying stuff!

The doctor said moving around
would make it come faster.

You don't want it coming until
you got somewhere to put it.

And you can bring the baby
here whenever you want.

LINDA: Mrs. Critch?

What was it like when Mike came?

Oh, I called Mike's
father at the station,

and he said he couldn't come
because he was on the air, so...

he sent d*ck to drive
me to the hospital.

- d*ck Dunphy?
- It was a different time.

Well, you know what?

I'm gonna be there.



Ow... Ow...

Linda... ?

LINDA: Oh, no. Nooo!

Mike, run up and get my keys.

Linda, is it... ? Is it... ?

Ahhhh! Don't let d*ck Dunphy take me!

MARY: Sweet frig!




Half done.

Half wit!



Ah, what the hell?


MARK: This place looks
kinda pretty at night.

Go! Go, go, go, go, go!

Hurry, quick!





If I hadn't been a coward,

I could have kissed her.

We always remember the
chances we didn't take.

Okay, come on.

Fox, just...

There's something I wanna do
before we blow this pop stand.

- Where'd you get those?
- They're the priest's.

Took 'em off him when you were
bouncing your head off the floor.


You're gonna get us expelled.


MARY: Just breathe.

I'm scared.

Hey, hey, it's okay! You're doing great!

You're doing just great!

Hang on a minute.

Are you family?



Go on.


- Don't do that!
- I need to get something.

What could you possibly want in there?

Three years' worth of
stuff she confiscated.

You can't take that!

She took it from me.

It's mine.

And this is Ritche's. It's
not fair that she took it.

Can we please go now?

Gonna tell that old bat
exactly what I think of her.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

There's one more place I wanna go.


Oh my God.

She's perfect.

Just like you.




What do you want?

Can I help you?

I'm Jeff.

I'm the...



Oh, I see.

NURSE: So, who are you?

I'm just the boyfriend.

Out! Family only.

I think it's up to Linda who that is.

It's okay.


LINDA: You can come over.

He's got no right.

He has every right.

It's not up to you.

It's not up to you, either.

It's up to Linda.

How could she let him in there?

He doesn't get to just
walk back now and...

One day you are gonna
be a wonderful father.

And maybe that's today, maybe not.

But whenever that day comes,

and whoever that child is,

is gonna be the luckiest
kid in the world, hm?



MARK: Oh...

We're not supposed to be up here!

Which is exactly why
we should be up here!


Someone's gonna hear that.

Mark, chill out!

No-one else is here.



You try.

No way.

Do it.

MARK: Helllloooo!

You're gonna be up there tomorrow.

Figure out what you're gonna say yet?


You'll figure something out.

You always do.


Not like you, though.

Watching how you held
everything together with your mom

and your brother, it's...

it's really something.


At least someone noticed. [SIGHS]

I can't believe it's almost over.

We still got high school.

It's just beginning, Fox.

Call me Jennifer.

♪ Forever young... ♪


what... was it that
you wanted to do up here

that was so important, anyway?


♪ For... ♪

♪ Forever young... ♪

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: The most
important thing I learned

at St. Bridget's was a lesson in love.

♪ Forever young... ♪

SUZANNE: Look! Oh, I'm so proud of ya!

Both of ye.

FOX: Thanks.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Show time.

I knew what Sister
Rose wanted me to say,

but I still didn't know
what I wanted to say.

I was about to give a
speech and I was speechless.

And now, to bring greetings
from the class of 1989,

valedictorian Mark Critch.


MARK: Archbishop,
Bishop, Father, Sisters,

parents, teachers, and pupils.

We did it.

We all did it.

We learned a lot at St. Bridget's.

But the most important things
we didn't learn in class.

They didn't come from books or teachers.

They came from our families.

And our friends.

Everyone in this room
taught me something.

Like how to be different.

To be yourself.

Or to never back down, and not
let anyone put you in a box.

That it's okay to sometimes
bend the rules a little.

Or even to break them.

And to stand by the people you love,

because they'd stand by you.

And if someone's a bully,

it's probably because they're
more scared than you are,

so don't judge a book by its cover,

or a nun by her habit.


Sorry, Sister.

There wasn't a day that went
by these last three years

that I didn't wish

that I could leave this
place and never come back.

But now the time to leave has come,

I kinda wish we could start all over.

But we can't, so...

thank you to my teachers.

To all of us.

I don't know what's next, but I do know,

whatever it is,

because of you,

I'm ready for it.

Thank you.




ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Looking back,

it all seemed to go by in a flash.

But back then, it
seemed to take forever.

I guess because you never
really stop growing up.

And even though we know
they're for the best,

those growing pains never
really stop hurting.

But keep growing, and one day
you might even be mature enough

to start seeing the
world like a child again.

"Dear Sister Rose...

frig off, you evil old... "


♪ And we will always be... ♪

The last day of junior high

was the best.

♪ Home. ♪

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