07x23 - Quailman: The Un-Quail Saga

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[chuckling]

[growling]

Hey! Hey! [screams]

[yelps]

[whistling]

[grunting]

Huh, huh! [screams]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear Journal,

one of the most exciting things

to ever happen to me almost didn't.

It all started when our editor Guy Graham

called an emergency meeting
of the school paper.

This paper has gotten dull, dull, dull!

Just look at the front page.

"School is nice"?

Pathetic!

We need a fantastic issue so I--

I mean, we can win the national junior
journalism award.

We need to get everyone
totally psyched about this contest.

We need jazz, pizzazz, and razzmatazz!

Now, I wanna hear prize-winning ideas.

We could give away free socks with
every issue.

Been there.

How about featuring a hall monitor
of the month?

Done that.

Um, print it on, like, edible paper?

[laughs]

Is there no one here with
a spark of imagination?

Hey, Dougster, what's that?

Oh, uh, nothing, really.

Uh...

Nothing?

This...this is it, big guy!

Quick! Tell me about him!

Um, well, I call him Quailman.

Lovin' it, lovin' it.

And he's sort of a superhero and--

A superhero. Yes, yes.

Of course! A superhero comic!

It's perfect!

No other middle school paper
will have one.

This is just what the paper
needs to win the contest.

And make me
national junior editor of the year.

Dougie-Doug, I'm gonna put your Quailman
comic strip on the front page!

Wow! Really?

[Doug] My dream was about to come true.

Quailman was going to be famous!

[door hinge creaks]

[whistling]

[grunts]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

Hey, Doug, congratulations!

Hey, doug, nice job!

I just told Skeeter your Quailman comic

is gonna be in the Weekly Beebe.

Way to go! Vroom vroom!

You're the hottest thing in school.

Everybody's talking about it.

Really? Oh, well, it's just a little
cartoon in a school paper.

Hey, Man O' Steel Man
started out small, too.

Just think. This could be the beginning
if the Quailman comics empire.

Wow.

[boy] Oh, I gotta have
that Quailman comic!

-Gimme that one!
-Wow! First edition!

Do you have Quailman issue number 22,875?

Sorry. Came in 10 minutes ago
and sold out.

[narrator] You knew him as
secret agent Smash Adams.

Now Daniel Gravat is...

Quailman

with glad as his faithful
companion Quaildog in...

Quailman The Movie!

Make sure the scratch 'n' sniff
collector's issue

of Quailman comics is properly sealed,

confirm my consultation
of the United Nations,

and put that Nobel Peace Prize...

With the others.

Oh, Doug, you're so Quailmany.

Of course I am, Patti.

[Patti] Doug?

I was asking if you had any ideas
for your first comic.

Oh. No, not yet,

but I put aside all day Saturday
to work on it.

Shouldn't you start right away?

Well, I would, but I've got
a lot of homework to do.

[both] Oh.

See, when you're an artist,

you have to be wise
in the ways of creativity.

You must first get all your other tasks
out of the way

to clear your mind for the complex
artistic process.

[both] Oh!

Oh, Douglas, do you think you
could clean your closet today?

It's needed it for weeks.

Sorry, Mom. Can't today.

I'm devoting my whole Saturday

to creating my first Quailman comic

for the Weekly Beebe.

[humming]

Ah! Good 'n' sharp.

OK, Porkchop, this is it.

Paper's smooth, erasers ready,

pencils sharpened.

Here I go!

Uh...

Go!

Hmm.

I know what's wrong.

I need air.

Yes, sir, a little fresh air

will get the creative juice going.

All I need now is a nice sharp pencil.

Hmm.

[birds chirping]

I can't think with all those
birds chirping outside!

The creative process is very delicate.

[sighs]

You know, mom's right.

I should clean up that closet.

That mess is really distracting.

[groans]

[Doug] Whoa!

[sighs]

See what I mean?

[telephone ringing]

[ring]

Hey, Dougie, Skeeter's on the--

How can I get anything done
with these constant interruptions?

Well, excusez-moi.

[Doug] The weekend came and went,

and no comic strip.

Not even an idea.

Just 12 dozen really sharp pencils.

Hey, Doug. How's the Quailman
comic strip coming?

Uh, oh, fine.

Doug, everyone in the English department
is so proud of you.

Oh, well, I--I really...

You could be the next Charles Dickens.

You know, he was a cartoonist, too.

Dougie-Doug-Doug! Can't wait to see
the Quailman strip.

I've already started the publicity.

It's gonna be colossal. Stupendous!

The whole paper's counting on you.

Yes, Quailman could've saved the paper,

but since Doug Funnie missed his deadline,

we lost the contest,

and the paper will have to shut down.

[all together] Ohh!

Bummer, dude.

Now look what you've done,

Mr. Wait until the last minute,

playin' around when you
should've been drawing!

Sorry, students.

Can't have a school
without a school paper.

[all] Ohh!

But what's going to happen to
Bluffington without a school?

[wind howling]

Why is we all so ignorant?

'Cause we ain't got no schoolin'.

[both] And it's all 'cause of that
dad-blame Doug Funnie!

-Hey, man.
-I'm working on it!

I can't take all this pressure!

What do you people want from me?

Huh? Sorry, man.

I was just gonna ask if you
wanted to go to Swirly's.

I just don't get it, Porkchop.

I've had a whole week
to work on the comic strip,

but I can't think of a single idea.

It's due tomorrow,
and I don't know what to do.

What if I can't come up with a story?

What if I can't think of
another Quailman ever again?

I wish I were Quailman.

He's got super powers.

He can do anything,

and I can't even...

Can't even...

[narrator] It's just another pleasant day
in Megalopolis.

It always is, isn't it?

Downtown at the Megalopolis
beet-packing plant,

the crowd is in a festive mood,

unaware of the danger lurking
just around the corner.

This is Patti Mayonnaise for Tripe TV

here with Beet association
president Beebe Bluff,

who's about to unveil the latest
in beet technology.

That's right, Ms. Mayonnaise.

I'm proud to introduce...

The beetmobile!

[crowd gasps]

The beetmobile can process beets

while they are being transported,

thus delivering farm-fresh beet juice

to a deli case near you.

This will have many advantages for--huh?

[screaming]

Help! Aah!

[both screaming]

What is that?

The label says "infamous Doom Stomper,
patent pending."

That can't be good.

[Patti] It's taking the beetmobile!

We've got to do something!

[wind howling]

[narrator] But just as all seems lost
for our windblown citizens,

from out of the sky
sh**t two streaks of light.

Could it be? It is!

Quailman and his faithful
companion Quaildog,

defenders of truth, justice,
and the way of the quail.

[laughing]

Ah, Quailman! Just as I had hoped.

[laughing]

[Doug] Dr. Rubber Suit.
I should have known.

Whenever evil confronts
and innocent vegetable,

you can expect rubber suit's name

to be written all over it.

In the name of all that is quail-like,

I demand you surrender!

I'd really love to, Quailman,

honest I would,

but I'm kind of busy right now...

Taking over the world's
entire supply of beets!

Why would you want to do that?

Well... why not?

And in honor of my hostile takeover,

I've gotten you a little gift.

But I didn't get you anything.

Think nothing of it

because I got you the best gift of all--

Bobinite.

Not Bobinite! No!

Bon voyage, bird boy.

-[Doug grunts]
-[laughs]

Getting weaker...

It's the Bobinite!

I--I can't fly!

[screaming]

[crash]

[laughs]

[narrator] Yes, Bobinite,

formed out of the discarded remnants

from the recarpeting of the planet bob,

a substance that can destroy
Quailman's powers forever.

If only my planet had handled their
carpet waste more responsibly.

[narrator] Is this the end of Quailman?

[whines]

[Patti] Since last week's
first beet heist,

all Megalopolis has watched in horror

as a wave of beet shortage
crimes grips the city.

No one is safe.

And as the city is plundered of beets,

one question is on everyone's lips:

Where is Quailman,

and why isn't he doing anything?

Because I'm helpless! That's why!

What am I supposed to do?

There's no antidote for Bobinite.

[belch]

Hey, look! The autobiography channel.

They're showing a rerun
of the Quailman story.

[indistinct voice on TV]

[growling]

Hey, you're blocking the TV.

I'm trying to watch me!

[whines]

Will you move? I'm very heroic
in this scene.

[Porkchop] Quailman, I'm only trying to
alert you to the fact--

Will you stop with the telepathic
communication?

I can't hear the TV.

[grumbling]

[narrator] Later, that same day...

Huh? Quailman, why are you--

What happened here?

There are empty malted millet ball boxes
everywhere.

[Quailman] Hey!

How did you find my super secret isolated
thicket of solitude?

I looked it up in the phone book.

You really should be unlisted, you know.

What happened to you?

What happened? What happened?

First, I lose my quail powers,

then my loyal sidekick
Quaildog abandons me.

Ewww!

Well, I don't blame him.

Look at you--

Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

And you call yourself a superhero?

No. Not anymore.

That was the old Quailman.

Quailman, being a superhero

isn't just about having powers.

It's about courage and fortitude
and never giving up.

Megalopolis needs you.

But without my powers, I wouldn't even
know how to fight Rubber Suit.

It doesn't matter. Just do something.

Just start.

You know, the rest of the world

doesn't have quail powers,

but we get along somehow.

Yeah, I guess.

[sighs]

Ohhh!

Well, you can give up if you want to,

but not me.

I still believe one person
can make a difference.

[scoffs] That's easy for you to say.

You're so... perky.

This is Patti Mayonnaise

reporting from the last
remaining beet farm

in the tri-city area.

The question today is:
Can these precious beets be saved?

I wish there was something I could do,
but I'm powerless.

...And extra security is planned.

Huh?

What?

[Patti] It's Dr. Rubber Suit!

Come on, cameraman ballantine!

Let's get a closer look!

How about with binoculars?

We need to get close enough

to find out what's happening
to the beets.

The public has a right to know.

Why can't the public
have the right to know

what it's like to eat too much ice cream?

Hey, wait for me!

We're now only yards away

from the infamous Doom Stomper,
patent pending,

which is now vacuuming up
everything in its path,

including meeeee!

[screaming]

[Quailman] Oh, no! It's all my fault!

If I were a real superhero,

they wouldn't have had
to put themselves in danger.

But without my quail powers,
how can I help?

It doesn't matter. Just do something.

Just start.

I'll do it! I'll start!

Hah!

[narrator] And so our stalwart hero,

armed with only a commitment to goodness

and a pair of sturdy shoes,

pursues Dr. Rubber Suit
by any means possible.

[panting]

Follow that Doom Stomper!

Yes, sir!

[Quailman] As far as $2.37 will take me.

[driver] That'll be $2.37.

[Quailman] Thank you, helpful citizen.

[panting]

It's a good thing I always carry a spare
bus token with me.

[rumbling]

He's turning! Transfer, please.

[laughing]

Huh?

Oh, blasted beet buildup!

[screaming]

Well, well...

What have we here?

[Quailman] Lucky I found this
superhero loaner bike.

Bike away!

[horns honking]

[Quailman] Got you now, Doom Stomper!

Yahh!

Gotcha!

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Oh, am I sore.

A secret headquarters

hidden inside an innocent-looking
skyscraper.

How fiendishly ingenious.

If only I had my quail powers,

I could fly up there in an instant.

However... hmm...

Hmm...

Hah!

[grunts]

[Rubber Suit] Since you are so interested

in finding out what's happening
to the world's beets,

allow me to show you.

[laughing]

You juiced 'em!

[Rubber Suit] Not juiced them.
Liquefied them!

Liquid beets.

The ultimate energy source.

I power this entire complex
with them.

And since I've cornered the world's
entire beet supply--

You have enough energy
to take over the world!

Exactly. And now that you know,

it's time to liquefy you!

Bye-bye.

[laughing]

[banging]

How can I possibly be expected
to take over the world

with these constant interruptions?

[Quailman panting]

Eh, what do you want?

Rubber Suit...

You... must...

Surrender.

Why? Do you have your powers back?

Of course not. There's no antidote
for Bobinite.

You came here with an army?

You have some secret w*apon?

Uh... no.

Well, then, if you want me to surrender,

you're going to need...

A hand!

Quailman, look out!

[laughing]

Give it up, quail-weenie!

Without your quail powers,

you're nothing!

[screams]

Hey, malted millet balls.

Just what I need.

Hey, no fair! Gimme those!

[screams]

Ow!

Hey, you can't b*at me
without your powers!

I still--

[muffled shouting]

Thanks, Quailman.

I don't know which is better:

Not being liquefied

or having you back as the superhero
of Megalopolis.

[all] Huh?

Quaildog! You're back!

But how did you find me here?

[sniffs]

Ah! It's your natural
Quaildog tracking skills.

Good job, Quaildog.
But where have you--

Quaildog? Hey!

What are you-- stop!

Why did you do that?

Again with the newspaper?

It's my home planet paper.

"Rare cure found for Bobinite!

[Quaildog] Yes. It's called Bobinite-not.

It's extremely rare,

forming only when dust particles from
the planet zooby-doo

are gravitationally attracted

to the ionizing atoms of the fourth moon's
molecular mass.

[growling]

You mean... I have my powers back?

Mm-hmm.

I do!

Thanks, Quaildog.

You truly are a loyal friend

and fellow super quail hero.

But this incident has
taught me a real lesson.

Quail power or not,

the only way to accomplish a task

is to begin it one small step at a time.

That's it!

Just do something.

Just start.

Hmm?

Guess I oversharpened these a little.

Now what?

I can't draw without a pencil.

Or can I?

[humming]

The only way to get this done

is to not let anything keep me
from getting started.

[growling]

[Doug] So, Journal,

the hardest part was just getting started.

And finishing that Quailman comic

turned out to be
a lot easier than I thought.

-Wow!
-Cool!

[indistinct chatter]

[Doug] Guy thinks we have
a pretty good chance

of winning the journalism award,

and he's sure he's a shoo-in
for editor of the year.

And maybe this is just the start.

Wow. Maybe someday I'll even be writing

Quailman: The Musical.

Nah. It'll never happen.

[theme music playing]

[whistling]

[whistling continues]