07x24 - Doug Cuts School

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[chuckling]

[growling]

Hey! Hey! [screams]

[yelps]

[whistling]

[grunting]

Huh, huh! [screams]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear, Journal,

there comes a time in your life

when you've just got to shake things up.

You know, break loose, run free,

be a rebel.

For me, that time came
one morning at school.

And this picture is from his latest movie

Torn Jeans and Broken Dreams.

[girls sigh]

Hey, Beebe, Connie.

What's going on?

Drake Hilton, that's what.

Daddy just bought me
the whole Drake Hilton collection

at an auction at Oogleby's.

Drake is just to die for.

This is the actual sweatband he wore

in Eat My Sweat.

-[all] Wow.
-Can I see?

Star sweat.

What's the big deal about Drake Hilton?

Well, he is awful cute.

He is?

Hmm.

I don't see what's so great about him.

I mean, what's he got that I haven't got?

Oh, nothing, Doug.

Just everything.

For one thing, Drake Hilton's got

the cutest little pout when he smiles.

And he's so deep.

Yeah, and he's kind of wild

and exciting and unpredictable.

I'm unpredictable.

I knew you'd say that.

You're so predictable.

Face it, Funnie,

You're just a born goody-goody.

Women like rebels, like Drake and me.

Oh, get real, Roger.

Drake's bad, but deep down he's good.

You're bad, but deep down
you're even worse.

And what am I?

Oh, Doug, you're nice.

Yeah, Doug, you're very nice.

[footsteps approaching]

[door hinges creak]

[whistling]

That's me.

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Skeeter, you don't think I'm nice,
do you?

Well, sure you are, man.

You're super nice.

You're about as nice as they come.

In fact, if you look up nice
in the dictionary,

it says Doug Funnie.

OK, OK. I get the point,

But I still don't see why.

Well, remember last week

when you found somebody's library book
in the street?

So?

Wouldn't you have returned it?

Yeah, but you didn't have to pay
their overdue fine.

Dribble. Dribble. Whoo! Help.

Oh, my ball is not entirely round.

Huh?

[sighs]

Hey, Fentruck, do you think
I'm nice?

Nice? Oh, most certain.

You are definitely being a goody
with two shoes.

[whistle blows]

All right, listen up, everyone.

We are going to play some football.

[cheering]

Now, let me say this.

Knocking people down isn't everything,

it's the only thing.

I want to see some real competition
out there.

Remember, nice guys finish last.

You're just a born goody-goody.

You're about as nice as they come.

You are definitely being a goody
with two shoes.

Yeah, Doug, you're very nice.

[all] Nice.Nice.

Nice. Nice.

[wedding bells ring]

Hey, Dougster.

Sure you won't mind if I marry Patti?

Oh, no. That's fine. Go right ahead.

By the way, thanks for paying
for our wedding.

Sorry you weren't invited.

Doug is just so nice.

[Doug] They were right.

I was nice. Too nice.

I knew what I had to do.

Hey, Doug, w-what you got there?

Skeet, these plans hold the key

to the new and improved Doug Funnie.

Cool. What's wrong with the old
Doug Funnie?

Plenty. Starting today,

it's no more Mr. Nice guy.

I'm going to be wild and exciting and...

Unpredictable?

Uh, yeah.

I'm going to be bad.

Ooh. How you going to do that?

I'm going to cut school.

Well, fifth period anyway.

Really?

I've got it all planned out.

Today, during fifth period,

at exactly 1300 hours--

I think that's 1:00--

Mr. Shelacky is having
a hugs-for-humanity rally.

Everybody will be there,

except us.

-Us?
-Yeah.

You want to go with me, don't you?

Ooh, I don't know, man.

I've never cut school before.

Me either,

but that's what being
wild and unpredictable

is all about.

Just picture it, Skeet.

The adventure, the excitement,

the big escape.

[sirens wail]

Come on, Skeet.

It's now or never. Over the fence.

[grunts]

[strains]

Get moving.

Hop on.

You know how to ride a rocket cycle?

Now's a good time to learn.

Hang on.

We'll never make it, we'll never make it,

We'll never make it.

[screaming]

[gasps] We made it!

Vroom. Vroom. Vroom.

Sounds pretty exciting, man.

Come on, Skeeter. It's our big chance

to be wild and live life
to the fullest,

at least between 1:00 and 1:45.

OK, man. I'm in.

Hmm. Someone, somewhere, somehow

is breaking a rule.

I can smell it. [sniffs]

I've got a nose for naughtiness.

Nope.

Nothing.

All clear.

Hmm. Guess it was a false alarm.

[Skeeter] Are we there yet?

It smells like fish sticks in here.

Really old fish sticks.

[Doug] Just another few steps.

OK. The coast is clear.

Yuck. Does tartar sauce stain?

We did it.

Hey, yeah.

We actually cut school.

I don't believe it.

High five.

All right.

[both laugh]

And the beauty of it is,

no one even knows we're gone.

[voice on computer] Security breach,
sector seven.

Security breach, sector seven.

Aha!

I knew it.

Computer, review tape.

[voice on computer] Rewinding.

So, it seems I've got two cut-school-

and-hide-in-the-garbage-can
types on my hands.

Computer, zoom in.

[voice on computer] Zooming.

Hmm. Can't make out who they are.

No matter. With Bone on the job,

whoever they are,

Bone will bust them.

-[voice on computer] Ow.
-Huh?

Ah, the sweet smell of freedom.

More like the sour smell
of fish sticks.

Aw, come on. This is great.

We're on our own,
we're kings of the world.

We can do anything.

Uh, so what do you want to do?

I don't know, man. What do you want
to do?

I don't know.

[both] Hmm.

Hey, I know. Let's go to Swirly's.

We can cut through the woods.

Cool.

All right, listen up and listen good.

I want a thorough search
of every video arcade,

soda shop, comic book store,

and other houses of riffraff
in Bluffington.

Our delinquents have been on the lam

for eight minutes.

Average foot speed over lumpy ground

is four miles per hour.

That gives us a radius of, uh,

Eight goes into four--

Aw, you do the math.

[laughing]

-I'm going to b*at you.
-Uh-uh.

[Bone] We're looking for two fugitives,

identities unknown.

I'll provide you with more details

as they arrive.

Any questions?

[yawns]

[Bone] Hey.

All right.

Swirly's.

[both] Party time.

[narrator] And now, ladies and gentlemen,

presenting the wild ones.

[both] Whoo-hoo!

This is going to be great.

Yeah. Come on.

[both laugh]

[both] Whoo-hoo!

[both] Huh?

[both] Huh?

[laughs] Sorry.

[Bone] Now look here, Mr. Sit-on-your-
backside-

while-truants-run-wild,

we've got cutters to catch.

Move, you lazy--

[barks]

[Bone] Whoa! Ohh.

Stop! Hold it!

This will go on your permanent record.

Ah.

Oh. Whoa!

Oh, that school board

doesn't pay me enough to--huh?

Aha! A clue.

Oh, Lamar, you wily fox you.

They don't call you "Tracker Bone"
for nothing.

[growls]

[Bone] From the size of this headpiece,

I deduce that one of our fugitives

is 7'3", has 6 fingers on his left hand,

and loves fish sticks.

Really old fish sticks.

Here, boy. This is their scent.

Now go get them.

[barks]

[screams]

[Doug] Maybe we could go to Funkytown.

Too far. We'd never make it back in time.

I know. How about a movie?

What movie is only one period long?

Well, let's see one we don't like.

Then we won't mind leaving early.

Ohh.

OK, OK.

Boy, being wild and unpredictable

is turning out to be a lot
more trouble

than I thought.

-[Bone] Go on, Boy.
-[both] Huh?

[Bone] Go get them. Good boy.

Hey, that sounds like...

[both together] Mr. Bone.

[both scream]

[dog barks]

[Skeeter] The mall?

Hey, man, this is no time
to go shopping.

[Doug panting] We can lose
Bone in the crowd.

[barking]

Ow!

[howls]

Ooh. The mall.

I should've known.

It's a magnet for ne'er-do-wells.

There they go.

Go get them, boy.

[howls]

[screaming]

Aah!

Oh, no!

[dog howls]

[both] Huh? [both scream]

[Bone] Hey, will you slow down?

Oh.

What are you doing? Oh.

Huh?

There. On the escalator.

[grunting] [panting]

[dog barking]

Stop.

Whoa. Ooh.

Hey, you're letting them get away.

[whimpering]

Come on. It's just an escalator.

Oh, all right.

[dog grunts]

Aw, you should be ashamed of yourself,

Mr. Great-big scaredy-cat dog

afraid of escalators.

Aw, cut that out.

[Skeeter and Doug panting]

[dog howls]

In here, Skeet.

[Skeeter and Doug panting]

Huh? Whoa.

Hold up, boy.

I just know they're close.

I can sense it.

You think bone left?

I'll look.

-Uh-oh.
-What?

Uh-oh.

We've got to get away from these cameras.

Oh, man, there's another one.

Doggone. We lost them,

And it's all your fault.

[barks]

Hmm. Oh, be quiet.

[barks]

I said quiet.

You know, if you'd get your mind off

this vast wasteland of television

and do your job,

we'd apprehend these miscreants.

[groans]

We can't stay here, man.

We'll have to make a run for it. On three.

One, two, three.

Aah!

[both panting]

[barking]

Not there. That's the women's
dressing room.

[ladies screaming]

I'm telling you, I'm on official
school business.

Call the school. They'll tell you.

Let me go. They're going to get away.

Whew.

That was a close one.

Thanks a lot, miss.

So what'd I tell you?

Has this been exciting or what?

Yeah, man, you were right.

Maybe we were made for this

rebellious, unpredictable stuff after all.

And the best thing is, we didn't
get caught.

[both gasp]

-Douglas?
-Mom?

Skeeter? Doug?

I don't remember you asking

if you could go to the mall.

Uh...

See, we--

Oh, dear, is school out already?

My watch must've stopped.

I'd better hurry home and fix supper.

Whew. That was close.

Something tells me I'm eating dinner
early today.

Come on. Let's get out of here

before my mom sees a clock.

Boy, being a rebel is hard work.

Think fifth period is over yet?

No, we've still got another 15 minutes

of fun and excitement.

You boys cutting school?

Uh...

Hey, don't worry. I'm cool.

When I was your age,

I used to cut all the time.

Ah, this is probably
your first time, right?

Believe me, it gets a lot easier.

I cut almost all of high school.

Ah, who needs school anyway?

I mean, I got my own home, don't I?

Yes, sirree. I still live in Bluffington.

Right here on this bench.

[both] Eew.

[both] Huh?

It's the K-Bluff traffic helicopter.

[Bone] You down there,
surrender at once.

It's Mr. Bone.

Bone? Lamar Bone?

[Bone] By the power invested in me

by the board of education,

I order you to give yourselves up.

I still owe two book reports.

[Bone] Oh, you can run,

but you can't hide.

Follow them, Uncle Sid.
They're getting away.

[panting] We're cooked.

[panting] Maybe not.

Follow me.

Hey, where'd they go?

Looks like you lost them.

No such thing, Mr. Give-up-
and-fly-away.

We just have to get in closer.

Use the copter's pontoons
to land on the lake.

Um, Lamar--

Don't argue with me.

By the authority invested in me

by the school board of Bluffington,

I order you to land on that lake now.

[Uncle Sid] OK. Have it your way.

[Bone] Hey, we're sinking.

I tried to tell you.

Traffic copters don't have pontoons.

[both gasp]

Whoa. Guess they didn't know

traffic copters don't have pontoons.

I thought everybody knew that.

[dog barks]

[Doug] Good boy. Good doggy.

Well, that does it, Skeet.

I think I've had enough
of being wild and...

Unpredictable? Sorry.

[children speaking indistinctly]

And remember, you can't spell success

without "U".

Come on. Let's all raise our voices
together.

♪ You can't spell success without "U" ♪

You need the other letters, too, Einstein.

♪ Hug yourself, too ♪

♪ A train of opportunity
Is standing in the station ♪

This way, Skeet.

♪ Only come from perspiration ♪

♪ The shortest way to happiness ♪

♪ Is just a smile ♪

♪ Your dreams come true ♪

♪ When you walk the extra mile ♪

Eew. Where were you?

You smell like a swamp.

Skeeter and I cut fifth period.

You what?

I was being wild and exciting.

You know, bad.

Why would you do something
dumb like that?

You don't think it's dumb
when Drake Hilton does it.

Yeah, but that's make-believe, Doug.

Drake Hilton is an actor.

In real life,

bad is just bad.

[man] Now we come to my favorite part
of the ceremony.

A wise person once said,

"Half the work is just showing up."

Well, today we honor the best shower-upper

at B.B. Bluff middle school.

It gives me great pleasure

to award this trophy for best attendance

to Douglas Yancey Funnie.

-[both] Huh?
-Doug.

Go on. Get up there.

Uh...

Oh, man.

Um...

Congratulations,

Doug, my boy.

Would you like to say a few words
of inspiration?

Um, no. Not really.

Oh, now don't be shy.

We can all learn from your example.

Uh, thank you for this
best attendance award.

I'm proud to--

I mean, I'm, uh...

No, I can't do this.

Thanks, but I don't deserve this trophy,

Because I--

Well, I cut school today.

[gasps] Oh.

Funnie? Cut school?

I feel faint.

I thought I had to do something bad
to be cool,

but it wasn't cool,

it was just dumb.

[Skeeter] I want to confess, too.

[indistinct chatter]

I cut school with him.

[boy] That's unbelievable.
Skeeter cut school,

But he's the best student.

[Doug] Now Skeeter was in trouble,

and it was all my fault.

I felt terrible.

[teacher] Waterwork time.

[sobs]

Well, I think we've all learned

something special today.

Making mistakes and feeling dumb

is what success is all about.

Let's give these two...

[Bone] Six weeks detention.

[both] Huh? Six weeks?

and on weekends, you're going to help me

bail out that helicopter.

Come on now.

Let's show there's no hard feelings

by sharing a great big

group hug.

[grunting]

[ribbit]

Huh? [grunts]

[ribbit]

[Doug] So, Journal,

That day I learned
a really important lesson.

Maybe I'm no Drake Hilton,

but I learned that being bad
isn't so nice,

and being nice isn't so bad.

So Funnie, you really
cut school today, huh?

Yeah, I did.

So, uh, what was it like?

Oh, the worst. It was no fun at all. We--

Wait a minute.

You mean you never cut school before?

Um, technically,

No, but so what? Big deal.

You'll still never be
as cool as me, Funnie.

Hey, if being nice is uncool,

then I guess you're right.

I'll never be that kind of cool.

Which is kind of cool,

if you stop to think about it. Ha ha.

[theme music playing]

[scatting]