01x04 - Vladislav's Quest

[bunniefuu]

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hey hot babies you also make sure no

thanks you sure I got a hot ride

hey Mr Punk keep away from my daughter

She has herpes

duh of the genitalia

I was handling it I am sorry deutschka I

did not mean to tell all the boys

foreign

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you are dressing very sharp this morning

yeah I want to look good it is take your

daughter to work day ah what is this in

a miracle school is closed today so and

you may go to work with me where do

teachers take Daughters to Work

you see this is why you will do well in

America you have only been here short

time and already you'll find loophole

what you do today yeah today I watch TV

to learn better English then I go and

sell my sperms sell them all yoshka your

illegal immigrant sperm banks don't want

you no sperm bank no but nice man on

Hollywood Boulevard say he didn't ten

dollars ten dollars for sperms I love

this country yeah when I return

we must talk

come daughters it is time you accompany

me to work

not you why not because you are my son I

won't tell if you don't okay Rashid if

you wish to be a woman then come I will

take you now to get the operation that's

okay it's not worth losing that just to

get out of school I'll go change

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hey man can I have a sip no I don't want

to get herpes I don't have herpes that's

not what your daddy say man come is make

your daughter do work day let's take

your daughter to work day and I work at

the restaurant every day save it for

this honor your eldest day

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ready to go to work with your papa fine

are you to all to hold your Papa's hand

aren't you scared to get herpes

now Anya remember if you have questions

today about my work no matter how small

do not be afraid to ask I am book that

is open

how much do you make yeah yeah this is

not polite question you just said I can

ask any question I wanted how often you

kiss boys

some questions not polite to ask

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oh

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hey Flacco hate you back hey Vlad the

Amigo was hanging allow me to introduce

my daughter but yeah you remember Vlog

though

dude I live next door of course I know I

am practicing my skill of introduction

okay boys let us get to work

what do we do now we wait for what

say I I need someone to do back breaking

manual labor for next and no pay

for this

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it's mine I know no I mean it's really

mine I made it you mean I collected it

in barrels over the course of a year

you're telling me that I just spent an

hour shuffling your yeah I've been

eating lots of pork good for the Roses

here there's five dollars for you

foreign

ite

[Applause]

hermaphrodite

yeah America sure loves the

hermaphrodites so I do too

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Mr Spitz Jackson

it is yoshika right right that's what I

said what is up rumor has that you

wasting your day watching the old Telly

yeah no I do not waste I study TV so my

English will be better and I can become

big American Tycoon yes who live in that

crib with six car garage and bird bath

filled with root beers mind if I join

you I left my TV in the store oh you do

not work today huh I am working I'm a

Blues Man Blues Man oh you are a

musician I come see you yeah there you

play yeah well see that's the thing

these club Owners they just don't know

Talent so you know until they die I'm

just on a holding pattern collecting sad

experiences

yeah that she is I had it once I have to

tell you that story you know I've had

sex with a thousand women

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there all finished yeah good work here's

40 bucks wait a minute you said 100.

well maybe I don't think illegal aliens

are worth a hundred bucks

score Delta new cheat rules

that is not fair oh yeah what are you

gonna do call a cop yeah

Papa don't get into a fight they're not

worth it I must do this

whoa that's the Dean's car he's visiting

next door we were gonna pay somebody to

do that we just saved another 40 bucks

[Laughter]

hey Jackyl you know what's a great way

to learn English a lot easier meester's

bleeds ordering one of them

pay-per-views off the cable box yeah

good idea you're a genius and handsome

some days just don't get blue oh well

you want me to carry this piano on those

steps

by myself yes please why you did not

hire two guys if you don't want the job

I do it I can do it I have done it

before

careful it's made of gold it tense

easily

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I love this country

oh oh hello Anya how was your day with

your father horrible be comrade that is

not a vidanya she is embarrassed by her

father embarrassed

she see you make sloppy pass that

largely blessed woman near store

dressing room yet she over here you wish

to be with Sheila Warrior goddess like

we always talk yet then I am drawing

blank letters you wear me out oh hello

German splits get out of my apartment I

was not aware you would be returning so

soon allow me to retrieve my slacks from

your kitchenette no

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laughs

let's go Gladys come on

I do not understand Anya is ashamed of

you for working from in front of garden

and pool Warehouse yet she knows in

advance you work from in front of there

yeah she has never seen kind of jobs I

have to take but I need is a real job a

job she can respect

you should get job making sausage yeah

hot damn you make good sausage I did not

make yoshika those are frozen you did

not cook them cook sausage you Russians

have nothing but time uh what's going on

I make a breakfast what but I always

make breakfast today I treat you for

change look I make favorite clean

chicken

I'm not hungry I've got to get ready for

school

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it's me

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Well you certainly take the prize I

think nothing is truth I saw him take

nothing you are an illegal immigrant

you've no social security number no

papers please I am hard worker oh you're

a hard work oh well why didn't you say

so I have an opening for a hard-working

software engineer a hard-working doctor

oh here's an opening for a hard-working

person with a master degree in forensic

medicine hey take them I was joking

oh he's a good joke yeah yeah

he's like knock knock joke but without

the knock knock

couldn't give it to you okay okay give

job to me then I can give to him yeah

please I have many skills in Moscow I

fix tanks duh also I speak I speak

foreign language I can't help you you're

in this country illegally in fact I can

have you arrested just for being here do

not arrest me I did not take prize

foreign

you're a member of the Union I used to

be which one Soviet Union

I don't need a stand-up comedian I need

a long shoreman listen being a

longshoreman requires a lot of heavy

lifting the Year too small and weak for

the job anyway

good morning Charlie

you guys are ready to put in A Hard

Day's Work yeah right

[Applause]

yeah yeah

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I am looking for a job that do you need

a vehicle no I will work hard I will be

cheap I mean wipe down table fall

what no it's enough for you now I don't

even have to feed her

cheating

I know it's hard to get a job when

you're illegal reaching to the choir

here amigo I do not understand in Russia

we have same if work is hard higher

Russian yeah in Hungary we have same

saying if work is hard hire Russian Anya

my devotee Alpha's school fine you learn

something now no Anya I make big picture

of red drink mix for you he's in ice box

please don't do anything for me

it must be nice having father-daughter

talks like that

but pretty ladies like to help yoshika

plant trees in Forest perhaps they are

not the only things that will grow big

yeah

oh parts of n*gro I have answered to job

problems

I was about to spread my seeds all over

the place yeah I have been trying to

figure out what would be good job then

it comes to me I will be massage

therapist

in Russia I fix tanks now work with

hands

massage therapist work with hands is

perfect

dreaming yeah we will hire you as

massage therapist now leave me alone

leave my friends with Lana says you know

a place called Madame loose she says

they have job opening I must go to sleep

now rest my hands yeah go go

hello I'm asleep again ladies are you

still there I still have seeds and I'm

growing still

my name is

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I wish for a successful career as

massage therapist

you cop

yet I am a Russian t*nk repairman

you're very ecstatic

you hired

everyone here get paid by commission sit

down and wait for customer to pick you

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exotic Chinese

beautiful black girl

the rotund Russian ballerina you pick

anyone but her

laughs

oh welcome to loose you want massage

um yes

ah I'll take him

okay let me show you where I have

tension

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so the whole massage job didn't work out

for you huh [ __ ] is less time I take job

tip from Russian prost*tute

blood is love I had

I had America

opportunity

the job then maybe you can get great job

oh just got a plan yeah still sh**ting

for a good job and sh**t straight for a

great one ah

that's boy Genius his first try yeah

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you see I believe in America everything

is possible men who have nothing can

overnight make tens of thousands of

millions this is land of Underdog yeah

is land of little man getting lucky and

rising to top his land wherever

itself I

said hey some dudes trying to talk here

oh sorry

if you want to go this route I know a

guy who knows a guy who knows me who

knows a guy who can probably help here

you have a very impressive resume I'm

flattered that you would apply to work

at our little stock brokerage Mr Falafel

puttanesca

uh-huh uh Dartmouth Princeton what then

Dartmouth again

I do not know how to erase some

typewriter yeah look at that and this is

interesting also your social security

number is only two digits long it was my

grandfather's and he gave it to me yeah

his grandfather was right near front of

line excuse me but I've been meaning to

ask who are you

I am Mr putanesca's chauffeur yeah yeah

and may I add that he is a big

hermaphrodite

chauffeur huh tell me uh what kind of

car do you drive

what kind of car you drive I drive a

blue Global verb I drive Global five too

and see if I'm green ha trick question

it only comes in blue blue I meant blue

blue and I made it up there's no such

thing as a global Farm I made it up too

we have same car my friend only

different color

[Applause]

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the stock Brokers can hit you

so what you do now what can I do I go

back to hanging out in front of garden

and Tool warehouse now he's not so bad

yeah why do you not come with me

tomorrow it's not so bad for Russians as

hungarians no I hold out for better job

yeah

oh my gosh

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surprise Papa what is this for it was

the only way I could think of to thank

you I do not understand until I spent

that day with you I didn't realize how

hard you had to work to support me but I

thought you weren't ashamed of your papa

are you crazy I was ashamed of myself

for not being grateful enough and then

you wouldn't even let me make breakfast

I want to cry and not just because I'm

in great physical pain that you'll know

I'll do anything for you and this

country I love you and I love America

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come to the kitchen I made your favorite

dinner stuffed pumpkin with pickled

herring borsche you can have some too

yoshka

not cold not cold of course it's not

cold Russian bushes start heated you

heat the burst

you Russians have nothing but time yeah

oh

I love this song

oh

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laughs

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[Applause]

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foreign

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that's more like it

yeah

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[Applause]

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what's up

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thank you

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what is going on