I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar
I used to hit the run
but then I hit it
to see me guna strike
[Music]
[Music]
shut up on the stove
without a leg to stand on
[Music]
thanks officers sorry about the
misunderstanding that's nice
let the quadriplegic roll around in the
dark you all go out have a good time
without me oh oh you remembered my
birthday six months after it happened
have you forgotten what today is it's
the first anniversary of that special
day when you were given the opportunity
to explore new horizons yeah from two
feet lower and on wheels this party is
to celebrate my accident happy crippled
bay a year ago I lost the use of my
limbs and now we're having little cheesy
snacks don't be a party pooper get into
the spirit what's been a liking the
decoration and what's the point of
parties when you can't drink
don't worry oh you can drink enough for
the both of us fruity hit sharp I'll
take that as a compliment come on let's
dance
Lefty hit the music
[Applause]
I suppose but it's not the threesome I
envisioned now wiggle your bulb to
happen isn't that a little childish not
if you're bobbing in beer and my ears
are clean
thanks to lefties nipple time it's
called drink and pass out on the floor
brownies they're delicious no don't
I put absinthe in those brownies what's
that alcohol finally this party's
getting good come here baby
absence makes the heart grow fonder
[Music]
so cool goodbye kidneys pancreas and
gallbladder I'm sorry I never said I
loved you
[Music]
the popcorns ready look at him just
lying there not moving so what's new
doctor is it going to be okay he'll
probably leave this afternoon Riley can
go home everybody you know this but he's
stable for now as long as he's connected
to this machine no one the microwave was
it Oh what is this big surprise
prepare to be dosed with culture it's a
genuine von Klamp one of the great
sculptors of the 17th century I love the
little [ __ ] II guys with the horns
dancing around it's fabulous weight of
the girls at the club see this and for
that extra touch of class look what I
had put in butter
[Music]
it's okay
the backup generator kicked in power
failure was too much for a system Luzi
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
this is everything that ever happened to
me
who you reckon II work get baby oh yeah
hey I'm up here guys I'm flying
oh okay I've had my life flashing before
my eyes
the floating what's next the tunnel with
a light at the end my death is a cliche
hey what's with the wheelchair I was
paralyzed for life not the afterlife
haven't you people heard of perhaps it's
alright he's going to a much better
place
Ward 13 it's got a lovely view of the
gardens you mean he's going to make it
without a new liver he's a longshot
unfortunately he has what the medical
profession calls are really hard to find
that kind of liver
if anyone's paying attention I could use
some wings don't those until you're
processed and approved and I didn't
think I could get any worse I will be
your guide through the afterlife stay
behind the ropes ed no flash photography
going to heaven hell is much more
unpleasant to pretend to know what
they're missing out
so are you dead - ah don't tell me I
missed it remember what I taught you at
school
nuns come and go as we please as long as
we pass the physical to make sure that
we're still you know intact
[Music]
behold the gates of heaven testament to
his glory prepare his sinner to be
strong silent the words awesome wonder
[Music]
I'll take Twinkle Toes from here why
don't you open the big gates the air
conditionings on ride of bloody Christ
she would now a tram was up until they
rang the bloody Bell anyway might
farmers hey what's your sang we've got
to find a compatible organ in this
database yes I've got two matches for
his liver one belongs to a convicted
mass m*rder*r in solitary confinement in
Siberia the other is Oh Mort Bromberg's
when's the next plane to Siberia Wow I
was expecting clouds and hearts that's
only in the movies up here every week is
a different theme this week is our Z
week kangaroo kangaroo pie yeah that's a
bit of a cliche so what do you want to
do swimming surfing cheek shagging whoa
take this air
[Music]
yeah this is more like it you can get
anything you want
Tice t health food I mean she the
program VCR there's even a movie theater
where the people behind you
never speak I want one of everything
uh-huh you have to wait until you get
your allowance my allowance what what do
I have to wash God's car walk his dog do
a little babysitting why should have to
be judged we bring your good deeds
against your sins
the difference is converted into God
dollars what if you've got more sins
than good deeds well that shouldn't
worry you because you
easy take a boning Kn*fe and make a long
incision adjacent to the rump allow the
blood to drain before removing the liver
top I'm getting crazy boy I tell you I
wish I could do it myself however I will
take more it's body off your hands when
you're done some personal reasons we
can't k*ll another living being even if
it is to save Riley's life you're sane
and not a person it smart Bromberg we
could clone a new liver all we need is a
pig
some of Riley's DNA and 35 million
dollars now where are we gonna find a
pig I'm going to go over and ask him
it's a chance to negate his bad karma
from running over Riley in the first
place he can't say no
excuse me for a moment Franny yeah we'll
be right back hello mr. Bromberg
remember me yeah the hippy dippy girl
with the big Bo rhombus if you're
collecting for the whales I'm fresh out
of plankton it's Riley he needs a liver
if he doesn't get it he's going to die
he should have thought of that before he
lost it in the first place you young
people expect your livers to be head
that they you on a silver platter you
are our only hope
yours is a perfect match if we could
just take a tiny piece of it I'm
appealing to your sense of humanity it's
a nice change massaging you without
being abused and insulted and ridicule
Oh
Rolly nobody calls me a prancing Wade
like you do
yeah point don't think I'm gonna get
into heaven you got to admit it's piss
funny so when do I find out we'll be in
touch
here's $5 get yourself a drink it could
be your last sorry
[Music]
a chicken with posi wow this is amazing
it's even got wrestling hey who do I
have to resurrect to get a drink around
here
well if it isn't Riley Oh Riley me old
dingo cobber mate Chris what are you
doing here
I'm not Grizz we take human forms people
you're familiar with to make you more
comfortable I actually look like this
how come you're not doing an Australian
accent I'm not what if I said dingo
again forget it
thanks I hate these stupid themed weeks
so what's your poison hemlock cyanide
drain cleaner they taste great and they
do you no harm up here well I've always
wanted to try brake fluid a man of
expensive tastes
I gotta admit I'm a bit worried about my
evaluation I don't know if I'm gonna get
in it's easy just repent all your sins
you don't actually have to mean it
yeah that's it yeah as long as you've
got at least one good deed you're
laughing oh you had enough - boy this
bar and a couple of petty kidneys dusty
mother's good deeds that's right as in
deeds that are good as in helping other
people
simple as that I'm dead that's why
you're here
love the costume thanks for the annual
heavenly masquerade ball should have got
the next size this ones rod not me cr*ck
it's time for your evaluation good luck
he's gonna need it come on fellas if
we're going to save Riley's life we've
got to get over to the farm Burgh's and
[Music]
I get it to rise Oh puppy your might
falling down to the last detail
the resemblance is uncanny let's cut the
crap
welcome to the department of high school
for real placement please tweet a bit of
a stuff on baguette if I can find any of
your good deeds
oh there's probably some kind of
clerical error
- right tell you what you could run me
through them and all will come up in the
book computers on oh yeah sure sure
uh well I helped an old lady across the
street would that be the old lady you
pushed onto the road so you could pinch
her taxi okay I strike that one uh I
always gave something to charity
collectors yes
a total of 13 buttons a paperclip and on
five occasions the finger look my hate
I'm going to need a good deed all right
I admit it I'm a shameless thoughtless
self-centered inconsiderate ass I make
everyone else look like a saint oh dude
that's it you make other people feel
good about themselves but in such a
contemptible bastard gee thanks hey I've
done a good deed a man called your
horses Sonny now we've got a review
yours
we have to do this to save Riley even
though we're going to brutally hack the
liver from his living body against his
will I want us to do it in a caring
sharing way okay that's all my sins nah
this is Volume one
sloth and gluttony uh-oh Bagon if I was
going to go through all of this so I've
put together a few highlights honestly
Freddy she's my sister
who would have guessed a peeping tom
living under my very own roof what do
you mean we
Nancy boy so how long does send this to
Greenland about my calculation this is
the bedroom
this is where the Bromberg's do the
horizontal
coochie-coo I'm gonna puke can we just
get this over with here he comes
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
that's a bloody impressive collection of
sins and I process Kangaskhan I repent
all of it okay
can I go now one more thing up hitting
trifle really then you can repent and be
on your way
one year ago today you showed a blatant
disregard for human life to wit your own
when in a state of intoxication you
stepped into the path of a moving
vehicle what you know your accident I
know what you're talking about
you want me to repent for being run over
by a drunken morte Bromberg whatever do
you repent it wasn't my fault but it's
your last one if you don't repent you'll
go too bloody than anything else but not
that you've got to I don't want to send
you to hell how do you think that'll
make me look I'll be the [ __ ] who
sent the [ __ ] to hell
I've lived with my disability 24/7 for
the past year and I'll be damned if I'm
going to apologize for it and if that
means hell then bring it on baby
look out Satan Riley's moving in
I suppose someone was gonna find out
sooner or later you've bricked up hell
there is no hell there never was it's
just a motivational device to get poor
bastards to repent so you've been lying
to us all these years it's always worked
until now wow what kind of twisted
little liar dreamed this up flat would
be
your husband is going to be fine we were
able to remove this cleanly from his
abdomen but he had to remove his liver
I'm married to a man with no liver the
same no he's still got one he had to
actually if they were putting too much
pressure on his four kidneys where is it
that liver is ours we're taking it home
um have we seem to have lost it
which reminds me oh great that's not
what you do the leather band any good oh
my god god you're a temp what happened
I'd put in six bloody dice tried might I
needed a drink yeah sigh boy invented
beer 200 Carlton ease lighter I fall of
a bloody cloud so you're not really
omnipotent then that that was a typo
come on
[Music]
yes I've had to do some thunderclap oh
no Stan thanks I'll tell you what I it's
bloody hard when the Sun shines at your
ass the usual strychnine lager and not
too much blood in here make it two
so there's no hell condemning somebody
to an eternity of torment just for
breaking a few rules I never r*ped screw
as opposed to Wars and t*rture and
country and western music why that might
play the fool guy I can't get around the
way I used to but twice isn't too
wheelchair friendly yeah I noticed
that's why I invented free will got me
off the bloody hook everything that
happens on earth is your own bloody
fault
Oh what about lightning and droughts and
floods I get technical
don't you even listen to people's
prayers and grant their wishes how do
you think our bloody am Santa Claus I'll
bet you wouldn't be happy if this thing
about hell not existing God out oh
Christ no gotta keep mum what do you
want money fine
eternal life how about some nice mag
wheels for that tree oh this is what
I've been waiting my whole life for I
have got God by that short hairs looks
like you're very cold but our deal deal
[Music]
I'll tell everyone the truth
Oh Ozzy weak oh it's over thank God
oh that's me
[Music]
back if you want to celebrate with some
post coma sex just pretend I'm not here
thought you had shuffled off this mortal
coil I spent hours on your eulogy it's
great to see you so full of life again
well moving your head hey guys I just
had a really amazing near-death
experience where I realized something
important that every precious moment of
life is worth savoring to its fullest no
that I want to go back
[Music]
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]