01x04 - Right to be forgotten

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Cheering and applause]

Welcome to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

My guest tonight:
Fareed Zakaria will be with us.

Very exciting.

But quick, quick roundup
of the world:

It was something of a week
of angry protests

around the globe.

In Brazil,

people took to the streets
over government corruption,

while in Turkey,
thousands of protesters

protested the government after
a horrific mine accident,

and the Turkish prime minister
responded in an unusual way.

MAN ON TV: Many people here
are also angry

because of a video
that has emerged

that appears to show
the Turkish prime minister

slapping someone

as he was mobbed by an angry
crowd when he visited Soma.

And a Turkish newspaper today

is quoting the Prime Minister
during that altercation

as saying, "If you boo
the Prime Minister,

you get slapped."

Whoa. Whoa.

Yeah. Yeah.

Boo me, you get slapped.

Scowl at me, purple nurple.

You respectfully disagree
with me, it's a tickle attack.

In happier times here at home,

yesterday was something
of a wonderful anniversary.



Massachusetts became the
first state to legalize
same-sex marriage.

Yes! Yes, the 10-year--
that's right--




of gay marriage.

And that sound you hear
is a lesbian somewhere

in Northampton just figuring
out why her partner

was in a mood all day yesterday.

Yeah. Happy Saturday,
I guess, Linda,

seeing as that's all this seems
to be to you.



Since...

Since then, we've come even
further with gay marriage.

It's now legal in 17
states and counting.

But for all the
accomplishments

in the political realm,

marriage equality still faces
some unusual obstacles.

Nintendo is
the target of a social
media campaign.

In the company's upcoming
video game called
"Tomodachi Life,"

you can make your
avatar do just about anything.

But what your avatar
cannot do

is marry another avatar
of the same sex.

I mean, sure, you can use
a civil union cheat code,

but it's just not the same.

If you're interested,

it's up, up, down, down,
be gay, be gay, start.

But...

Keep that to yourself.

But in a happy sign of progress,

Nintendo made a historic
announcement this week.

MAN ON TV: Nintendo is now
apologizing, pledging to be more

inclusive in the future.

And while it says it's too
late to change the game now,

it is committed to building
virtual equality

into later versions of the game.

Yes, virtual eventual equality!

That's the dream.

All right, now let's see how
this news went down

in Nintendo's world this week.

As you can see,
Mario just got the call,

and there he is.

He's overjoyed about the news.

Here's his friend Link,
and they are--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I didn't know--I did not know
either of them were gay.

Link seems a little young
for Mario.

Here's, uh...

Oh, that's Princess Peach
and Princess Zelda.

I called that years ago.

Let's leave them--Let's give
them some privacy.

Let's give them some privacy,
shall we?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yoshi and Toad wasting no time
getting married, and...

the beauty is they've now got
access to instant benefits
power-ups.

Pensions in a box,
that's great.

You love to see stability
in a game like that.

And, well, this is bittersweet.

Bowser's just received
death benefits

after the death of his longtime
partner, Donkey Kong.

So--Well, that's good.

They had a wonderful
lifetime together.

Donkey Kong would have wanted
him taken care of.

Why are you so sad?

Donkey Kong dies multiple times
every day--

Would it make you happier
if I restarted the game?

Is that something...

OK, let's do that.
Restart the game right now.

There you go. See?

They're back.
They're alive and well...

and enjoying brunch together.

See?

Happy now? They're brunching.

Are you not entertained?

And now this:

ANNOUNCER: And now,

"The Past Week in Bullshit
National Holidays."

It may be Wednesday
to you,

but it's National
Biscuit Day to us.

It is National Nylon
Stockings Day.

And it's National Odometer Day.

MAN:
Third Shift Workers Day.

Piercing Day!

WOMAN: Hepatitis
Testing Day.

International Museum Day.

MAN: Pack Rat Day.

It is National
Ride Your Bike
to Work Day.

Wear Your Lifejacket
to Work Day.

Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome Day.

WOMAN:
Dance Like a Chicken Day.

It's National
Limerick Day.

So...
Oh, boy.

There once was
a girl named Sue...

That's never a good thing.

Apple Pie Day.
Ahh, yes.

It's National
Hummus Day.

National Pizza Party Day.

BOTH: It's National
Chocolate Chip
Cookie Day.

[Cheering and applause]

Let's move on.

Our, um...

Our main story this week
concerns a titan of American
industry,

General Motors.

Few companies in history
have ever sold more cars.

And as of this week,

few companies have ever
demanded as many of them back.

This is the year
of the recall

for General Motors.

Today, GM recalled


MAN: That brings the
total to 11 million

recalled vehicles this year.



At this point, we are
approaching a total recall...

which is, of course, where you
return your car to your local



And...by and large,

these cars' flaws are
frightening,

from steering loss to
power brake failure

to the fact that airbags,
brakes, and power steering

could suddenly all
switch off at the same time.

And if you're thinking,
"I'm amazed no one's been
k*lled by that,"

you would be wrong.

MAN ON TV: The government's own
files show as many as 303

accident-related deaths.

The company admits 13 people
have been k*lled.

Here is a sign that your
corporation is in trouble:

When the statement "our product
only k*lled 13 people,"

is your defense.

But don't worry, this week,

the government stepped in
and held GM to account.

MAN ON TV: Just a few minutes
ago, we learned that

General Motors is going to have
the pay the government
$35 million.

Wow, $35 million.

That is a lot of money
for a car company...

in 1923.

But--but for today's GM,
however,

it amounts to less than one day
of revenue.

And there's only one GM
employee who's up in arms
over this,

and it's this guy.

And he's up in arms...

over basically everything.

President's Day, whenever
it's windy...

The point is, this is
a paltry amount of money,

and it's about to seem even
paltrier when you learn how

long GM waited to tell
customers about the problems.

MAN ON TV: The carmaker now says
it found the problem with

an ignition switch back in


of the Saturn Ion.

So you knew of a potentially
fatal ignition problem

for 13 years!

Let's be clear, that means a
child attending her first day

of school the day you
found out would be old enough

to die driving one of your cars

the day you f*cking did
something about it.

And I don't really feel like
people are quite angry enough
with them at this point.

Maybe this will help.

MAN ON TV: Years after finding
out definitively about the link,

they continued to tell
families of accident victims

that they did not have
enough evidence of any defect

in their cars.

In one case, GM threatened
to come after the family

of an accident victim for
reimbursement of legal fees

if the family did not
withdraw its lawsuit.

So GM doubled down
on their awfulness.

They just couldn't
help themselves,

much like the people stuck
in their shitty cars.

Actually,
to be fair, just this Friday,

we learned that GM was holding
meetings at the time

about dealing with
their defective cars.

But you'll never guess what
they were talking about.

MAN ON TV: These are slides from
a PowerPoint presentation

given in 2008.

Workers were told not to
use the word "defect" or

"defective," but rather,
"does not perform to design."

And GM had judgment words
that were banned, including

dangerous, crippling, life-
threatening, hobbling,

and 65 others.

How did they even come up
with that list?

Was it just word association
at that point?

OK, everyone, say the first word
that comes to mind.

Cadillac XTS.
Life-threatening.

Perfect. Um...the new
Chevy Sonic.

Crippling and dangerous.
Fantastic. Keep 'em going.

There are no bad ideas here,
just bad cars.

And there were--No, no.

There were...

There were a lot more
words on that list

than just those 4 mentioned,

because the banned words
include--and I'm gonna

show you the document to prove
that they are real
as I read them.

They include "deathtrap,"
"decapitating,"

"grenade-like,"

"Hindenburg,"
"Kevorkianesque,"

"powder keg," "rolling
sarcophagus,"

and "you're toast."

When demons have sex,
those are their safe words.

Luckily...

[Cheering and applause]

Luckily, GM still left us with
a few ways to describe their

vehicles, such as hell taxis,

the GM reapers, and "like
Hotel Rwanda, but a car."

Um...

GM--GM is clearly
in deep trouble.

Their only hope might be that
their recently appointed CEO

has something that most
CEOs don't have,

and that is two X chromosomes.

General Motors announced
something new for 2014.

For the first time in its


the company will
be run by a woman.

And here we have this new CEO,
first female CEO

of the big 3,

really trying to represent
the new GM.

We had a discussion
last week

about whether a man
or a woman

would handle this
differently.

WOMAN: She's also a mother,

and, you know, I think that
there will be some thinking
around child safety,

child accessibility,

and just kind of the things
that moms think about.

Yeah. Mary Barra is, apparently
unfathomably, a woman.

And the fact that she so
stubbornly refuses to be a man

means that she is forcing
commentators to define her

by her gender.

So let's see if we can
discern a woman's touch in her

handling of this crisis.

Her first move, back in March,

was to issue an
internal company letter,

reading, and I quote, "our
process for determining

"whether and
when to recall a vehicle is

decided by experienced
technical experts."

OK. Not--not really detecting
a woman's touch there,

or indeed a human's touch.

But that was when a male
commentator kindly stepped in

to tell her how a woman
should act.

She is a mom
with two kids.

Her first
responsibility
isn't as CEO

of the company.

It's a mom
and two children.

She could personally
relate to those
people

who lost their
family members.

Because everyone knows that
people without kids could
barely give a shit

when 13 people die.

I don't have kids. You tell me
that 13 people died,

I am like, so?

Why are you telling me this?

I could be sleeping or
counting my disposable income

right now.

You are wasting my
plentiful free time.

But, yeah, look.
It's a classy idea.

Deploy your own family as
a human shield or a human air
bag, if you will.

And within days, it was clear

that Mary Barra was actually
listening.

As a member of the GM family and
as a mom with a family

of my own, this really
hits home for me.

There you go.

That's the lady stuff.
Getting much warmer.

I mean, not as warm as
the brights on a Cadillac XTS,

which can start a fire
for no apparent reason.

Let's just say--Let's just say
warmer, though.

But even the new video
seems slightly off.

Something went wrong with
our process in this instance,

and terrible things happened.

Yeah. That sounds less like a
person expressing sympathy

in a human manner and more like
the distress message from

a doomed spaceship
in a sci-fi movie.

[Static, distorted speech]

After all, something went
wrong with our process in this

instance, and terrible
things happened.

[Screams]

[Static]

So...So, look.

[Cheering and applause]

So to recap,

Barra's first statement had
serious design flaws.

So she introduced a second
hastily assembled statement

with many of the same
catastrophic issues

as the first.

But then this week, after
recalling 11.2 million cars

and paying a fine worth less
than 24 hours of corporate

revenues, she rolled a shiny
new statement proudly off

GM's p.r. assembly line.

Today, CEO Mary Barra
had this response.

Quote, "e have learned a great
deal from this recall.

"We will now focus on the goal
of becoming an industry safety
leader."

We will emerge from this
situation a stronger company."

Oh, good.

You will be a
stronger company.

So this was all a
great thing, really.

A learning experience and
a refocusing of goals.

I'm telling you, somewhere the
CEO Of Blockbuster Video

is going, "Shit, we should have
just k*lled 13 people."

It's the magic recipe.

[Applause]

And while some people might see
this as yet another depressing

entry into the annals of
corporate malfeasance,

let's take a moment and
celebrate together a milestone.

At a time when women leaders are
routinely questioned in ways

they shouldn't be,

Mary Barra, the first female CEO
of a major car company,

has defied gender
stereotypes and issued

a statement every bit as
shitty as one from a male CEO.

Congratulations, Mary.
Congratulations.

You haven't just shattered
the glass ceiling, you have

been ejected through
the glass windshield.

Now...

we--we don't technically
have commercial breaks

on this show.

But frankly, after this,

I think we all
might just need one

just to get away from this
story altogether.

So if you'll excuse us, we'll
be right back.

ANNOUNCER: General Motors makes
cars that America

can be proud of,

cars you can never describe
as defective or catastrophically
flawed.

Gruesome,
potentially disfiguring

rolling sarcophagi?

That's not our cars.

We make sleek,
non-grenade-like
anti-Hindenburgs

that are very opposite
of Kevorkianesque.

So why not tell your family
you love them and come
test-drive a GM car today?

Driving a GM car is so
smooth, it is like butter...

and you're toast.

General Motors.

Why walk through the valley
of the shadow of death

when you can drive?

[Cheering and applause]

Welcome back.

OK. Let's talk about
something else.

The Internet.

In Europe this week,

there was some potentially
significant news.

It is said the
internet never forgets.

Until now, that is.

In a huge ruling,
the highest court in Europe

ruled that Google
and other search operators
like it

must delete search results
if they are requested.

They are calling it the
right to be forgotten.

The right to be forgotten,

which, incidentally, is
definitely my favorite
nonexistent Morrissey song.

♪ I have the right
to be forgotten ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh

Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

What the ruling amounts to is
that if there is something

embarrassing on the Internet
about you, then EU citizens

can now ask Google to take down
any links to it.

I'll tell you who seems weirdly
excited about this potential new
right:

The newscasters
reporting on it.

Let's hypothetically
say when you were in
high school,

you toilet-papered
someone's house,
you were arrested.

But that one night
of wild drinking
in college

can haunt
you forever online.

What if 10 million people
suddenly approach Google

and say, "By the way,
you know that story about me

"running over a squirrel on
my bicycle while drunk
and naked?

I want that removed."

OK. OK.

That--that is way too specific
to be something

that he just came up with
off the top of his head.

I guarantee you that there is
a photo of that man naked

on a bike crushing a squirrel.

And if there isn't,
then frankly there is now.

Yes.

Meet--Meet your new top Google
image hits, Brian Sullivan.

And live with this for
the rest of your life.

But--but maybe--maybe my
favorite newscaster fantasy

spurred by this ruling

came this week from
Fox News' Shep Smith.

I'm trying to think what
I would give

to just
be forgotten.
Shep...

I might go rob all of
the banks on the planet.

Hold on, Shep.

Just because you erase
yourself from the Internet

doesn't mean you won't be
caught for robbing banks.

That's not how
basically anything works.

But it's genuinely charming
that you think it is.

I just like to rob banks.
That's all I--

That's kind of my thing.

Look,
maybe this new ruling, though,

addresses a genuine problem.

The Internet has an
unforgiving memory,

and it can ruin people's lives.

So if all the ruling does is
let people take down links to

minor indiscretions from
their past, it's probably fine.

A source that has
knowledge of
these requests

says that a man
in Europe

who was convicted of
child pornography

was among the first
people to request

that links to articles
about his conviction
be taken down.

WOMAN:
Of course.

A politician with some
bad behavior in office.

Even a doctor
with a negative review.

OK, a fail-safe question to ask
yourself when drafting a law

is, "Might child
pornographers like this?"

If so,
maybe take another pass at it.

But luckily, the only thing from
stopping this ruling from

doing real damage is that it
is, by its nature,

completely ineffective,

because what the EU court
doesn't understand

is that the Internet is
like quicksand.

The more aggressively you fight
to remove yourself from it,

the deeper you're going
to sink down into it.

And the case in point is the
guy that started all of this.

The case originated
in Spain.

A man there argued
that when a Google search

turned up an auction
notice of his

repossessed home
from back in 1998

that somehow that being
out there was a violation

of his privacy rights.

That Spanish man
is Mario Costeja Gonzalez.

This is his photo, which was on
an article from the "New York
Times" about his crusade

to remove links mentioning
his debts from 1998.

In doing so, he is now
world-famous for being

that Spanish guy
with debts from 1998.

The only thing I know about
him is the only thing he

didn't want me to know.

And that--that is why--
All of this...

All of this is
why the right to be forgotten

is no longer workable
in the Internet age.

Nothing you are
embarrassed of on the internet

is ever going away.

And we all have a horrifying
photo from our past

that undermines the very person
we are now,

professionally and personally.

And we can all live in fear of
that thing ever surfacing, or

we can all hold hands, jump at
the same time,

and save each other,

which is why we are
launching tonight

#mutuallyassuredhumiliation.

If we all put our worst photo
into the world together, none

of us will ever be in a position
to judge anyone else ever again.

And I am not talking about
the cute, mildly
embarrassing photo,

like, I don't know, that
one of yourself wearing
a, let's say,

homemade sweater
with your own name on it.

Hypothetically, hypothetically.

You know, the kind...

the kind that you--That's real.

The kind that you claim is
embarrassing but actually

somehow humanizes you a little.

No. I am talking about this.

Toxic, weapons-grade
awkwardness.

In fact...Yes.

I am putting this photo
up online right now.

We all have to do this together.

I am trusting you all
to do the same.



You have to do this with me,
right?

Go.

You better f*cking have done
that as well, or I just made

a horrible mistake.

And I think I may have just made
a horrible mistake.

And now this.

ANNOUNCER: And now..."Shame."

Shame on the little
totalitarians of the left.

Shame on HGTV.

Shame on Thailand.
Yes, Thailand.

Shame on the Australians.

Shame on
Warren Buffet.

Shame on
the legal profession.

Shame on you, Hank Aaron.

Shame on you,
Copenhagen Zoo.

Shame on them.
Shame on you, too, Chris.

Shame on you guys.

Yeah, shame on us.

It's a Rove-down
dirty shame.

[Cheering and applause]

Moving on, finally--
finally tonight,

you may remember on our very
first episode, we talked

about the election in India.

Well, after 5 long weeks and
after 500 million votes,

on Friday,
there was an announcement.

MAN: It appears at 9:37 A.M.,
and we are calling the election.

And Narenda Modi,
with these numbers,

should not find it difficult
to be the next prime
minister of India.

Whoa!

That is a seizure-inducing
amount of information

on that screen.

If you followed this
Indian election,

you've known two key things:

one, Narenda Modi was destined
for an historic victory;

and two, no one covers
an election

like Indian news networks,

who are apparently
sponsored by Adderall.

I mean, look at it.

We are not speeding
this footage up.

I feel like I'm playing
a slot machine
in a Mumbai casino

while high on peyote.

And just a small word of advice
to Indian news networks:

This is not the most relaxing
way to watch television.

The only thing that this is
good for is potentially

putting your elderly viewers

in the hospital.

But I digress. Take it down.

Take it down.

The real news regarding this
election is that Narenda Modi

is set to become the new prime
minister of India.

He is a transformative
albeit controversial figure.

Some worry he might be
a little too harsh
and authoritarian,

so perhaps one of his family
members can reassure us.

REPORTER:
His younger brother remembers
their days together.

Narenda really loved
flying kites.

I had to hold a
spool of string.

But if I refused,

he would get angry,
and he would hit me.

In Modi's defense, how
difficult is it just to hold

a spool of string?

f*ck this guy.

Anyway...Anyway...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What were you saying?

REPORTER:
Were you scared of
your brother, I asked?

I am still scared of
him even today.

So should India
be scared of him?

Anyone who is concerned
for the well-being
of the country

has nothing to fear.

Only those who work
against the country

need to be scared.

Oh, that's certainly
reassuring.

He should have just run his
entire campaign slogan on that.

Don't worry, only my brother and
those oppose me will be

beaten to death
with a child's kite.

Here to talk more about the
Indian elections

is my guest tonight,
CNN's Fareed Zakaria.

[Cheering and applause]

Ah, Fareed...
thank you.

Thank you so much
for being here.

Let's talk India.

You were born there.

My people were
temporary
custodians.

This is--

Temporary self-appointed
custodians.

Let's just be clear.

We felt we were
kind of inherently
invited

in some way.

That's basically
the excuse of
the British Empire.

I am sure you...
It was
lost in the post.

Yep.

This was an amazing
election.

And it's been described,
the result,

as either an exciting
or a frightening
time for India.

Which is it?

It is mostly exciting.
You are absolutely right.

It's an amazing
election.

Here is this guy, Modi,

the son of a tea seller
himself,

sold tea,
really humble origins,

extraordinary disciplined
politician

running against a political
dynasty really like no other
in the world.

I mean, this is--
Rahul Gandhi,

the guy he was
sort of running
against for prime minister,

his father
was prime minister.

His grandmother
was prime minister.

His great grandfather
was prime minister.

It would be like
Chelsea Clinton's fetus
having a child

and then running...

[Laughter]

Does it have to
be like that?

Could it not be
a different image?

But everything about
this election

was different
from normal.

There is a great bit
in one of your old books

where you point out
about Indian elections

"Indian elections are
not really national
elections at all.

"They are rather
simultaneous regional
and local elections

that have no common
theme."

But this changed
this time, didn't it?

He has a huge mandate,
Modi.

This changed, and in
a fascinating way.

So rather than
regional elections,

what you ended up with was
one big national issue.

And the Congress party,
the old ruling party,

ran on really the
default message

that every
third world ruling
party runs on,

which is, we are going to
give you subsidies.

We are--It's a kind of
socialism in action.

And we're gonna give you
subsidies because you're poor.

You are entitled to them.

This guy said,

"I'm gonna run on growth
and good governance.

"I'm not gonna give you
anything for free.

"I'm gonna try to get good
roads, good electricity."

And he what he banked on,
what he bet on,

was that in India now,
which is still
a very poor country,

there is an aspirational
middle class that doesn't

want to be handed government
subsidies, but wants

the infrastructure
and the good governance

that just produces
economic growth.

Right. That's
interesting you say
that, because

"The Times" of India
had a really
interesting

editorial yesterday
where they referred
to him

selling the
Indian dream,

packaging
the Indian Dream
to people.

The American dream
is clear.

It's catching something
from a t-shirt cannon.

But what--what--
what exactly is
the Indian dream?

Is it just
the concept of
upward mobility?

You know, the truth is
that when you hear
about this,

whether it is
the Indian dream
or the Chinese dream,

they are all really
just the American dream.

The American dream was
the idea that you would do
better than your parents.

We franchised it.

Exactly.
That's it.

But it's like a supernova.

Just as it's catching
on everywhere else,

it's imploding
here at home.

Right?

[Laughter]

Why does every
analogy you use

have to be so
appallingly
negative?

This is HBO.

That's true.
That's true.

We're testing the limits.

That's right.
It's not TV.

It's appallingly
negative.

That's basically...
Do you--

Can you stick around
to talk online?

Because this is
a much bigger
discussion

we have time to get
into here.

As long as there are a
couple of more photographs

you are going to post.

The worst thing is

I actually have one
worse than that,

and I chickened out.

But, uh...

If you want to watch
an extended version

of this interview
online, go here.

Fareed Zakaria,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

[Cheering and applause]

We are off next week,

but we will return the following
Sunday.

Have a fantastic two weeks.
Good night.

[Cheering and applause]