04x02 - ESP R Us

[bunniefuu]

In science, we did this experiment.

You mix two things together that look normal and harmless,

and all of a sudden,

everything gets crazy and expl*sive.

It's kind of like me and my friend Olivia.

Mix the two of us together, and kaboom!

Like usually, I hate being photographed.

But it was a whole new experience

with Olivia in the picture.

And normally, I'd never try to eat the whole banana barge.

But with Olivia on board, it was easy to stomach.

And the homecoming dance was anything but cool...

until we came up with a whole new approach

to formal dress.

Whenever we get together,

Olivia brings out my crazy side of me.

The only problem is sometimes our crazy ideas

can take on a life of their own.

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ All right, all right

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Way cool

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ All right, all right

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Way cool

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Naa naa na-na-naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Just do it

If you're anything like me,

you see these as bunch of very ordinary, unmatched socks.

My friend Olivia claims there's a cosmic reason

she's been trying why socks mysteriously vanish.

she's been trying Her latest analysis--

our dryer is the doorway to another dimension.

Whole week long, she's been trying

to convince me of the supernatural,

and I've been trying to convince her

that's super unlikely.

Things happen for a reason.

[telephone rings]

Hi, Olivia. How's it going?

This is so cool.

How did you know it was me?

See, wearepsychic.

No, I just know you like to call me

after that show you watched, The Psychic's Corner.

You know who they had on this week?

Some guy who won the lotto.

He says the number appeared to him

when he stared into his dog's water dish.

Weird. Well, that's what I'd do.

But you don't have a dog.No. I mean, win the lotto.

This week, it's up to $ million.

Dream on.

Why can't you accept there's a possibility

psychic phenomena exists.

After all, they say we only use % of our brain.

Yeah, what's the other % doing?

Just hanging out till we tap into it, I guess.

Think about it, okay? I got to go.

Okay, bye. Peace out.

You know, if there were such a thing as psychic powers,

there would be some major benefits.

First of all, there's a guy at school

whose mind I'd like to read.

Gee, I wonder who'd win a fight

between Mothra and the Hulk?

Then again, maybe there's no point.

I'd never study algebra again.

I'd let my pencil do the walking.

I could use the powers of telekinesis

to confuse lower forms of life.

Yeah, ESP could be A-okay, it's just too bad it's fake.

Hi, Sam.

Hey, Clarissa.

So you sure it's okay for me to borrow your notes

for the music appreciation test?

Sure. I printed you out a copy.

Olivia and I are gonna study tomorrow.

You wanna join us?

Boy, I could sure use the help.

I keep on confusing a chord and a carpaccio.

I think you mean arpeggio.

See?

I don't know why Olivia even bothers studying,

she knows this stuff inside out.

You know what I don't understand

how a girl as smart as Olivia could believe in ESP.

Is she still convinced she's psychic?

More than ever.

I wish there was some way to prove

if you're psychic or not.

There is.

What? No way. How?

You remember Carlotta,

that woman my dad dated for a while?

Nice lady, kind of flippy.

She thought she might be psychic,

she even had a test you could take at home to see

if you had "the gift."

Test. How did it work?

I don't know.

She saw an ad for it in the back of a magazine.

You fill out this form,

send it off somewhere, and they analyze it.

Sam, you've got to remember that magazine.

Olivia needs that test.

I guess we could check out

Madame Mesiner's occult bookstore.

They have plenty of weird stuff there.

Olivia can take the test

and finally find out she's not psychic.

That would be great.

Yeah, totally fortissimo.

Sam, I think you better come by and study with us tomorrow.

Don't worry, I still don't believe in ESP.

I picked up this book in Madame Mesiner's

occult bookstore.

I'm trying to see what Olivia

could possibly see in this stuff.

Sure there are a lot of inexplicable things out there,

UFO sightings, sasquatch footprints...

my brother Ferguson.

My, what an intellectual literary feast, sis.

Face it, if anyone in this family

has superior mental powers, it's me, not you, clambrain.

I will forever maintain my hope that we are not related.

I don't want to get into it.

Well, you know,

maybe you're just turning into a platinum blond, Janet.

Marshall, I know what it was. It was a gray hair.

I have to accept it.

I'm now a woman with a gray hair.

No, no, no.

Youwerea woman with a gray hair,

and you pulled it out.

I just want a cup of chamomile tea.

Janet, you look great.

I look gray?

No, I said great. You look great.

You sure you are okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Fine. Fine.

Oh, no.

On the mom mood meter, "fine, fine, fine"

means really miserable.

Don't worry, sis.

I know just the thing to cheer her up.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, Olivia.Hey, Ferguson.

It'sover there.

Hey, Clarissa.

Where's Sam? We've got to study.

He's on his way over.Great.

Till he gets here, we can look at this.

I picked it up at the mall.

Clarissa, you know what this means?

Wait, wait. I can see it now.

I'm getting a vision.

It means...

It means we shop at the same bookstore.

Come on, let's go upstairs and wait for Sam.

Question -- have you ever known

what a gift was before you opened it?

Yeah.When?

You remember my last birthday

and I got that fuzzy unicorn from Mimsy Dimsdale?

I knew I was gonna get it.

Olivia, Mimsy Dimsdale always gives fuzzy unicorns.

She's pretty sad, all right?

Everyone knew you were gonna get one.

So?

I'll put down "yes."

Okay.

Question -- did you ever predict doom or misfortune?

Absolutely.

When?Friday.

I went home, and before I opened the door,

I knew my mom was making her spaghetti and garlic sauce.

Now that's a disaster.

Wait, your mom always makes spaghetti on Fridays.

And you can smell it a mile away.

So? I sensed it.

They didn't ask how.

I'd say that's another "yes."

Okay.

Have you ever felt

so psychically linked with someone that

you actually finish each other's sentences?

You actually finish each other's sentences?

Whoa.Told you.

I'd say that's a big "yes."

Okay. Well, is that it?

There's just this part at the bottom.

Now let's see,

"Check here if you're committed to learning more

from the psychic collection."

Sure, why not?

Oh, forget it.Why?

You wanna learn more, don't you?

Yeah.

But it says they send stuff to your house.

And ever since I did that pyramid chain letter,

my parents have begun to screening my mail.

Great.

Just think they could be the first

to know their daughter is psychic.

Yeah, they'd love that. I better just forget it.

No, no, no.

Then we'll never find out the results.

Tell you what, stick my name on it, send it here.

Really? Great.

Psychic collection,

P.O. Box in Reno, Nevada, here I come.

Just one more thing.

Do you think putting your name on my test

will confuse the spirits?

What do you say, boys, any objections?

I think we're clear.

Twenty-nine.

Thirty.Looking good, Mom.

Well, it's really just a matter of maintenance

once you reach a certain age.

You said the keyword, maintenance.

You really look a lot younger than any of your friends.

Oh! Well, thank you, Ferguson.

No, I mean it, you look great

and without the help of expensive cosmetic treatments.

Well, you know, I don't go for that stuff.

And why would you?

Well, you know, a lot of it's just overpriced goo.

Of course, thereis the occasional product

that stands out from the crowd.

Oh, yeah? And what would that be?

Have you heard of the secret of the Philippines?

Secret of the Philippines.

Mother-of-Pearl cream.

It reverses the aging process

through a unique blend of secret ingredients

from the ocean's floor.

Where are you getting this stuff?

From the good people

at Mary Lou Cosmetics Incorporated.

Now that I'm a full-fledged

dermatological products representative,

it's my job to lead my clients on the path of true beauty.

Which is the path that leads directly to your bank account.

You can scoff, sis, but I take pride in my work.

So what about it, Mom?

I don't think I'm interested, Ferguson.

Take this -day trial sample.

It'll make you look years younger,

no obligation.

Why don't you try it, Ferg-face?

If it makes you years younger,

you won't exist.

Go ahead and laugh.

When you reach the big -, you'll change your tune.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hey there, Clarissa. Package for you.

Package? I wasn't expecting anything.

You know, I dropped it a few times.

I hope nothing's broken.

Gotcha.

See you.Thanks. Bye.

What have you got there, Clarissa?

Oh, it's from the psychic collection.

It must be the results of Olivia's ESP test.

I don't know what else.

Well, I guess I'll call her

and we can make this psychic business

a part of our past lives.

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

I don't believe it.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

I psychically knew I was psychic.

And now I have an official certificate

of psychic powers to prove it.

Plus, this psychic manual,

and a crystal ball,

and a turban.

[music]

Now that was nice of them.

Don't you think we should get a second opinion

from a swami or something?

Look, here's a letter, too.

"Congratulations.

You--moi--

have the power of cosmic concentration.

Enclosed you will find

your own unique channeling materials.

Now you too can learn the secrets of the universe,

available only through the psychic collection."

Uh-oh.

Wait a minute. This is a bill.

What?

You're right.

When I checked that box saying

I was "committed" to learning more,

well, I guess that meant to send me this stuff.

This means you're legally and bindingly

owe the psychic collection $..

Well, actually,

that's not exactly the situation.

Good.

Youowe them $..

What?

We put your name on the form, remember?

Olivia!Well, it was your idea.

Don't blame me.

I was ready to forget the whole thing.

Whoa.

You're right, we're in this thing together.

And we'll get out of it together.

We're linked, all right,

psychically, spiritually, and financially?

You owe the psychic collection a $?

Yeah. It's a drag.You bet.

Don't worry, guys.

We just got to figure out where to get the money.

What about a yard sale?

Or I could use my psychic abilities

to win the lucky lotto.

Come on, you guys! Why not?

You know, now it's up to $ million.

So looks like the yard sale. Let me get my calculator.

No imagination.

What could we sell?

Hey, I volunteer these two tomes of literature.

That's about bucks apiece.

Only . to go!

I've got a music appreciation book going cheap.

Thanks, Sam.

But I think you better hold onto to that.

I'm willing to sell these earrings I'm wearing.

Hey, they are cool.

How much you think they could bring?

Yeah, those are pretty nice.

Wait a minute!

Where did you get those?

Oops, I forgot I borrowed them from you.

Fork them over.Sorry.

But, guys, what about the lotto?

If that guy in TV saw the winning number

in a dog dish,

who knows where I could find it?

It's only a buck.

It can't hurt.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but why not?

But let's keep the yard sale going

as a backup.

Cool. Now there's just one problem.

You need be over

to buy a lucky number lotto ticket.

Who do we know over ?

My dad's covering a rollerblade Super bowl out of town.

My parents will tell me to, "Getoutof town."

That leaves...

[Dad] Ferguson, can I talk to you for a minute?

I know just the guy.

Oh, Dad!

A little more around the eyes, Dad.

Are you sure we're supposed

to put this much stuff on, Ferguson?

Oh. sure, sure.

If a little is good, a lot must be better.

Well, I have to be honest with you, Ferguson,

I don't think this mother-of-pearl cream

is making any difference.

What do you say, sport. Do I look any younger?

I don't know about younger, Dad, but you do look shinier.

Oh, that's not shine.

That's the radiant glow of youth.

Well, I'm going to take this stuff off.

Don't use the towel, Dad.

It spoils the whole healing process.

If you really wanna take this stuff off,

what you want is the foaming face scrub.

I don't think so.Oh trust me, Dad.

It's the only safe way

to remove mother-of-pearl cream.

And at $., it's a steal.

I'll go get some.

Oh, you know what else you could use?

The complete Mary Lou ear hair removal system.

Dad, can I ask you a favor?

Yeah. Sure, sport. What is it?

Well, could you buy me a lucky number lotto ticket?

I'm surprised, sport, you know how much against gambling I am.

But see, I have this friend and she's psychic...

well, she thinks she's psychic.

Olivia, huh?Yeah.

And she's going to psychically pick the winning number.

Psychic powers.

I'm sorry, sport.

I just don't believe in all that cosmic hoopla

and superstitions and stuff.

Boy, I hope this foaming face scrub works.

Knock on wood.

Knock on wood.

Well, another day, another notice.

The psychic collection of P.O box ,

in Ocala, Florida--

used to be Reno, I guess they moved--

has notified us that we have two weeks to pay

or risk a lifetime of bad credit and bad karma.

Mom's my last hope to get this lotto ticket.

The only problem is last time I saw her

she was "terrific, terrific, terrific,"

which on the mom mood meter

is the only thing worse than "fine, fine, fine."

I better use a different approach on Mom

than I did on Dad.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, dear.

Mom, what's with the brochure?

You're not actually thinking

about using any of that, are you?

Oh, probably not, but I told Ferguson

I'd at least consider it.

Well, it is good to try new things

every once in awhile.

Mom, can I ask you a favor?

Sure, honey.

Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble

on the next break you take from your reading,

you could you buy me, uh, lucky number lotto ticket?

Clarissa Marie Darling, I'm surprised at you.

You know I'm against gambling.

That's right, Mom.

But by denying me the opportunity to gamble

in my formative years, you could be tempting me

into overcompensating for this denial

by leading an untamed life of gambling

in the years to come.

Oh, really?

Well, it could happen.

I have more faith in you than that, dear.

Come on, Mom.

I promise it'll just be this once.

Clarissa, it is such a waste of money,

but it's your dollar.

Okay, Mom.

Yes! This is great!

Why am I so excited?

Do I actually believe we can win lucky lotto?

For those of you who can't read my mind,

here's what Olivia and I did to find our lucky lotto number.

First, Olivia attempted

opening a channel to the spirits.

Guess they just weren't tuned into her frequency.

Then we tried throwing wet spaghetti against the wall

to see if it revealed the lucky number.

I think it's a five.

I think it's a six.

I think it's a mess. Clean it up.

Either the fates were against us

or it was a littlealdente.

Finally, Olivia tried falling into a deep trance.

It took me two hours to realize she'd fallen asleep.

If we're ever gonna get that number though,

I'd better wake her up.

Dwayne...

Hey, Kreskin, rise and shine.

So did I mumble the number in my sleep?

No, but who's Dwayne?Dwayne.

Oh, Dwayne.

He's that guy in our science class.

The one with the psychedelic high tops?

Yeah.

Really? Get out!You get out.

Still no lucky lotto number, though.

Maybe we better go back to the yard sale.

What was our predicted total?

Well, with the books, the CDs,

and that collection of pro-football mugs

Sam's dad got from the gas station,

it comes to...

[beeping]

Whoa, something funky

is happening with your calculator.

It's flashing "."

You probably pressed the wrong button

or maybe the batteries are low.

Oh! Clarissa, don't you get it?

Thisis a sign!

The spirits are trying to tell us

that the winning lucky lotto number is !

Okay, I'll tell my mom.

Just one more thing.Yeah.

Tell me more about Dwayne.

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

I don't believe it!

It's a final notice to pay up.

And it sounds like these guys are getting serious.

Don't worry, your mom will be back soon

with our ticket.

I hope so.

The lucky number lotto

will be called in three minutes.

I'm feeling very positive vibes.

Oh, there go the positive vibes.

What's with the box, Ferg-wad?

Well, it's a three-year supply of mother-of-Pearl cream.

What?

Dad's happy costumer. Mom's just a sales pitch away.

And the beauty of it is, as they get older--

well, let's say, demand doesn't decrease over time.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Mrs. Darling.Hi.

Mom, you look great. What's up?

Well, the sweetest thing just happened.

When I went to buy the lotto ticket,

the boy behind the counter made me show him some ID

to prove I was over .

He thought you were under ?

Well, I know he was just having fun,

but still I haven't been carded in years.

I feel terrific.

Then think how terrific you'll look with one tiny dab

of silky smooth Mother of Pearl cream.

You know, Ferguson, I think I've decided

youth isn't something you can get in a jar.

But, Mom--

Here is your lotto ticket, kids.

Good luck.

Uh, I better get to dad before mom does.

Quick! Quick! It's time!

And now for the winning lucky number lotto...

Yes! Yes!

The winning $ million number is...

... ... ...

... And .

Not even one number right.

We could've picked them out of a hat and been closer.

How could this have happened?

You're not psychic, that's how it happened.

What are we gonna do?

Well, we'll just have our yard sale.

Yeah, we'll get the money.

Man, I wish I'd never heard of the psychic collection

of Weehawken, New Jersey.

Weehawken?

I thought it used to be Florida.

And before that, in Reno.

Who moves three times in two weeks?

Only people who have to.

Maybe you don't owe this money after all.

Really?

I wonder who do you call to report postal fraud?

I can't believe we think of this sooner?

I guess we just caught up in the whole thing.

Hello, operator?

Boy, I'm getting sick of this ESP stuff.

Then you finally admit it's a lot of nonsense?

I don't know.

I mean, none of this has explained all that weird

psychic phenomena--

the predicted phone calls, buying the same book.

Reading each other's mind.Reading each other's mind.

You see?Yeah, I do.

But I don't think we're psychic.

Then what are we?

Well, don't you see?

All these psychic events happen around the two of us.

So?

It's just that we're friends.

Darn, that's all this was about--

just that we're friends?

Yeah. What a bummer.

Oh, man, another music test? I hate these things.

I think you've got it down. Just relax and concentrate.

Okay, what's largo mean?

That's when the orchestra plays real slow.

Right. What about allegro?

That's when the orchestra plays real fast.

Good. Now what's pizzicato?

Isn't that the place where they go

to eat afterwards?

Sam![doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hi, Clarissa.Oh, it's not for me, is it?

Not unless you've changed your name to Ferguson.

Bite your tongue!

Thank you.Bye.

Bye-bye.

Ferg-face, get down here! Special delivery!

What is it?

Collection notice from Mary Lou Cosmetics.

I guess it's the price you pay to be a full pledge

dermatological products representative.

Good thing it's not for us.Yeah.

Now that they've shut down the psychic collection,

we don't have to worry about that stuff anymore.

Oh! These people are relentless!

So what are you gonna do about it?

Um, there's only one thing to do about it.

Hello, Aunt Dorney. Hey, hey!

It's your favorite nephew Ferguson.

Uh, listen, have you ever heard of the secret

of the Philippines?

Do you really think your aunt's gonna fall for it?

How should I know, what do I look like,

a mind reader?

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ All right, all right

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Way cool

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Naa naa na-na-naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa