05x13 - The Last Episode

[bunniefuu]

Isn't it weird how there's someone

you think is the coolest,

and you can't wait to be their best friend,

and then one day,

they're the last person you want to be friends with?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me

with Betsy Dillweather.

While we were freshmen,

she seemed to be the coolest thing

since Doc Martens.

Then we all discovered Betsy's little secrets.

Or take Cody Fernhodder.

Nobody could touch him.

He made Jason Priestley look like a dweeb.

But by the time we were seniors,

we discovered he had a kind of Dr. Jekyll

and Mr. Hyde thing going on.

And then there's that other strange thing

that happens.

One day, you're playing Jacks and wearing a ponytail,

and then you grow up, and the next thing you know,

you're interested in a few other things.

Which brings me to this weird thing

about the time-space continuum.

Have you noticed how it doesn't just move along

in a continuous continuum?

Instead, it hiccups along.

And at certain moments

suddenly it feels like time's passed

and you're at a whole new phase of your existence.

Well, get ready for a big hiccup,

something I've been waiting for all my life,

the end of high school as we know it.

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Na na-na na naa ♪

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Na-na na-na na naa ♪

♪ Way cool ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Na na-na na naa ♪

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Na-na na-na na naa ♪

♪ Way cool ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na-naa ♪

♪ Na-na na-na na naa ♪

♪ Just do it ♪

I just handed in my third feature

toThe Dispatch about the mall scene

and teen problems.

Who would have thought I'd become

a chronicler of teen life.

Anyway, my editor even said

he'd submit it for some kind of prize.

But I just really like investigating what's going on

and trying to get an idea of what might happen.

So for my last and final issue ofThe Thomas Tupper Times,

I've decided to devote the whole issue to the future.

I mean, where will we all be years from now?

It got me thinking about my friends and family.

Like, I wonder where they'll be in years.

The year is .

And the future is now.

Architect Marshall Darling,

commissioned by President Chelsea Clinton,

has redesigned the White House

in the shape of an apple pie.

After Janet darling published her

best-selling cookbook, , Ways to Enjoy Tofu,

she moved to the last remaining rain forest

to research her next book,

Juices of the Jungle.

And after being convicted of fraud

in the green stamp scandal of ,

Ferguson Darling had a spiritual awakening

and went on to found the Church of Ferguntology.

Give it to me! Yes!

Yes! Come on!

And me?

Well, the good news is my future's all mapped out.

I'm on my way to the college of Cincinnati

School of Journalism.

Hey, Cincinnati should be fun...Right?

[thud]

Hi, Sam.

Hey, Clarissa.

I got another letter.

From one of the colleges you applied to?

Yeah.

Well, great. What did it say?

I don't know. I was afraid to open it.

Sam, you have to open it.

But what if it's another rejection,

I don't know if I can take it.

Sam, nobody expects to get in everywhere.

Clarissa, I've applied to schools,

and that's not counting Bibbington College in Maine.

Why are you not counting that one?

It's a girls' school and I applied by mistake.

Oh! So what's the tallyso far?

Twenty one rejections, and if this one's a reject,

the only one left is Acme School of Engineering.

Well, Sam, we've got to open this one.

I should have never let my dad

help me with my applications.

He kept trying to stress my athletic accomplishments.

But, Sam, you don't really have any athletic accomplishments.

Exactly!

So what kind of school is this Hamstershire?

It's brand new.

They haven't even built the library yet.

Their idea of education is totally avant-garde.

Oh, you mean like, no books, no term papers?

No. It's like total immersion.

You set your own curriculum

with your teachers.

Well, sounds great.

Open it.

Okay. Here it goes.

"Dear Samuel Anders,

although we at Hamstershire College

consider ourselves a new and innovative college,

we can find no new way of saying no.

Sorry."

Rejected by a college that doesn't even exist.

This is too much.

Sam, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Well, I guess I better go check out

the backs of my dad's matchbooks.

Maybe I'll find a correspondence school

that'll take me.

Sam, you're just too original for them.

They don't know what they're missing.

Thanks, but now the Chantee School of Beauty

is sounding better and better.

Bye, Clarissa.

See you, Sam.

Well, Abraham Lincoln didn't go to college

and it didn't hurt him.

One way or the other, I'm sure Sam's gonna land on his feet.

I hope.

I better get going on this last issue

ofThe Thomas Tupper Times,

I'm including a section on predictions for the future.

Here's the question,

what will it be like to drive

on the information highway?

If you get hungry, will there be a Stuckey's?

And what if you find yourself in virtual reality

and you need to go to the bathroom?

Oh, hello, sis.

My, don't you look nice today.

Ferguson, I'm busy.

Out. Leave. Go. Good-bye.

One minute, Sis.

Why don't you start with the window?

Something more early American,

just might be the ticket.

Uh...Hi, there.

Hello.

Clarissa, pardon me.

Clarissa, I'd like you to meet Dudley.

Dudley, Clarissa my sister.

Nice to meet you.

Pleasure.

Ferguson, what is Dudley doing in my room?

Sis, I wanted to congratulate you

on your decision to matriculate at the College

of Cincinnati School of Journalism,

a fine institution.

Although I wouldn't call Cincinnati

one of the hottest college towns in the world,

you do have Marge Schott

and the Reds.

Ferguson, that's enough.

Get Dudley out of here before I do it!

Okay, Sis. Let's cut to the chase.

You're leaving, and I'm staying.

And as they say, "To the victor goes the spoils,"

namely, your room.

But, Ferguson, you already have a room.

Yes, but now I have an annex.

Hey, that's my wall!

Quick, Dudley, the radon test!

The only hazardous material in this room is you.

Now get out.

Oh, come on, Dudley.

The barbarians never understand,

do they?

But what about the skylight measurements?

Wow.

My room in enemy hands.

Now I know how the Romans felt when Attila the Hun

was at the gates.

Hi, Mom. That smells great.

Here. Taste.

Mmm... that's really good.

Not quite rich enough,right?

Well...

I guess a béarnaise sauce with pureed tofu

instead of all that egg yolk

and butter doesn't quite work.

I love French cuisine,

but these recipes are all so loaded with cholesterol.

Here, mom.

I think just a touch of real butter should do the trick.

Clarissa.

There must be a healthy substitute

I can find.

You know, Mom, after all these years

I think I'm really gonna miss your special way

with tofu when I go at college.

Oh, come on now, I think that's one thing

you won't mind saying goodbye to.

College food will probably be the worst.

I'll have to live on pizza and cheeseburgers

and French fries day and night.

I think you'll manage.

But the important thing is that everything's set.

My future is clear.

College will be great.

Yeah.

And you're going to one of the best journalism schools

in the country.

I can't wait to take my first journalism class.

And Cincinnati should be fun.

It's a great city... Right?

Yeah, there's lots to do in Cincinnati.

Yeah.

Like what?

Well...

I'm sure you'll find something.

You'll have a great time there.

[doorbell rings]

I wonder who that could be.

Maybe it's the French culinary police.

I better get it.

[doorbell]

[doorbell]

Russ, hi.

Clarissa, you won!

What?

I just had to come over and tell you right away!

Isn't this exciting?

You won!

I won? I won!

What did I win?

Your feature on Malls and Teen Angst,

it won first place!

That's incredible.

So do I get, like, a trophy or something,

or maybe a plaque and a savings bond?

Clarissa, I thought you knew.

Knew what?

Who sponsored the contest.

I submitted your feature to theDaily Post.

TheNew York Daily Post?

Exactly.

And, well, they...

They've awarded you an internship.

That's great. An internship.

What do you mean, an internship?

You get to move to New York City

and work on thePost

as a cub reporter, a copy assistant

for the whole year.

New York City?

Clarissa, this is an honor!

You deserve this!

You won!

Well, it's great but I was planning

to go to college.

Well, college is important,

but maybe you could defer your first semester

or take classes at night,

but you have to tell me right away,

we've got to let them know by this Friday.

Oh, and here's your acceptance letter.

Excuse me.

By Friday? That's tomorrow.

They're holding a place for you.

If you don't take this, somebody else will.

This could be the chance of a lifetime.

I got to go. Deadline to meet.

Congratulations, Clarissa!

Thanks. Bye, Russ.

An internship?

I thought everything was all figured out.

It was all so clear,

so simple...

So planned.

I mean, what about college?

What about journalism school?

What about Cincinnati?

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Na-na na-na na naa na na-na na naa ♪

♪ Na na-na na naa ♪

♪ Na-na na-na na naa ♪

Hi, Sam.

[twangy guitar chord]

Hey,

look what I got.

Who is this one from?

I don't know, but what do you think?

Well, the way they wrote your name,

looks like it's handwritten,

but it could be computer-generated.

Yeah. Standard rejection.

Yeah, but look. There's a stamp.

Someone had to put the stamp on there.

That could be a good sign.

Yeah, but they've got work-study

students who do that.

You know,

I don't understand why they don't

just put a rubber stamp on the front of the envelope

that says "no,"

like, they're trying to make me

open this envelope.

I think this time I'm just gonna refuse.

Sam, we should open it.

That's easy for you to say.

You know where you're gonna be next fall.

Sam.

I mean, you're just gonna be sitting pretty

in your school of journalism.

But, Sam.You get to go to Cincinnati.

By the way what are you gonna do in Cincinnati?

Sam, it's not settled.

It's not? What do you mean?

My editor of The Dispatch came over and told me,

I got an internship at theNew York Daily Post.

That's great!

Yeah, but I don't know what I'm gonna do.

And I have to give him an answer by tomorrow.

What a cool opportunity!

Yeah.

And a lot of kids take a year off

before they go to college,

don't they?

Yeah. I've heard of that.

And it'd be like getting a head start on your career.

Yeah.

And then there's New York.

I've always wanted to live in New York.

♪ Car keys, pizza, software, This Girl♪

♪ CDs, leggings, by-lines, ♪

♪ Is this girl ♪

♪ She's young and wild and free ♪

♪ She's everything that every girl should be ♪

♪ ♪

♪ So if you find one girl to love ♪

♪ Just one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be this girl, too ♪

I guess New York could be a pretty cool place to be.

Don't you think, Sam?

Sounds to me like your mind's made up.

I know.

What did your parents say?

I haven't told them yet.

I have to figure out how to do this.

Good luck, Clarissa.

Well, Sam, what about the letter?

Oh, right.

I'm not ready to open it.

Are you sure?

Well, let me know when you do.

Thanks.

I know I want to go to New York.

And I think I'm ready,

but are my parents ready to let me?

Well, what about wearing this one to the design meeting,

the one with the flying pigs?

I don't know, Marshall.

I don't think it's gonna be such a big hit

with the air traffic controllers.

Then why don't you pick one?

I mean, you didn't like my rainbow trout

or the nimbus cloud.

I was just trying to help.

I thought you wanted my opinion.

Well, I do, but it seems ever time...

Hi, Mom, Dad.

I was wondering, um...

well, you know how excited I am about

going to college and everything,

and, well,

I hate to spring this on you, but, uh...

I was wondering what you'd think of an internship?

You know, and internship can be a great way

to get a head start in journalism because...

Excuse me. An internship?

Yes, it is this chance I could work

for this really great newspaper as a cub reporter,

you know, sort of a Jimmy Olsen for the 's.

Yeah, well, what about college?

Well, I'd see if I could defer college

just for a little while because,

you know, my experience would be so valuable.

See, my editor at The Dispatch thinks that...

Hi, Mom and Dad.

Oh, you, too, Sis.

Yeah.

For a second there, I had a vision of the future,

and you were gone.

What's everyone so quiet for?

Your sister was just asking us

about the possibility of differing college

for an internship.

Is that right, Sport?Mm-hm.

AtThe Dispatch,

I assume which means you'd be staying at home.

Actually...No way!

That's not fair!

She's doing that just to stop me

from taking over her room!

Calm down, Ferguson.

Dad, you took a year off college

to work for an architect.

Well, it would be wonderful to have you home,

but...

I'm not sure that you shouldn't

get out on your own a bit.

Um, the internship

isn't atThe Dispatch.

It's at...

TheDaily Post.

TheNew York Daily Post?

Yeah.

See, my editor submitted my story,

and it won a prize,

an internship in New York City,

and they're holding a place for me.

Here is the letter.

New York City?

Yep, New York City. Manhattan.

You know, the big apple.

New York City?

I know school's important,

but life's important, too.

Janet, New York City?

My daughter in New York City?

Well, grandma Agnes lives in New York.

New York is a wonderful town!

She'll love it there! Let her go.

Ferguson, everybody, will you calm down?

I'm sorry. I just found out about this.

And I thought I should talk to you right away.

I understand, Clarissa.

Just give us a little time to think about this.

Sure, take all the time you need.

Just let me know in, say, minutes.

So what's your grandmother Agnes like?

I haven't seen her since I was six.

She's very independent.

My mom says she traveled all over the world.

Gee, Sam.

I hope she likes me.

She sounds great.

The whole thing sounds great.

Hey, I know, Clarissa!

Maybe I can go to Cincinnati in your place,

how about that?

I wonder what I'm gonna do.

So that letter was another rejection, huh?

I haven't opened it yet.

Sam, You haven't opened it?

Your future could be in that envelope!

Maybe I don't have a future.

Maybe there's nothing inside it.

Well, you won't know unless you open it.

You really want to spend the rest of your life

wondering what might have been?

I can't open it.

Here. You open it.

So What does it say?

Sam, what college did you say

you're waiting to hear from?

Acme School of Engineering, it's the last one.

Well, this isn't it.

What do you mean?

Here. Read it.

"Dear Samuel Anders,

although we consider our school to be

one of the finest in the country..."

Uh-oh. Sounds familiar.

Keep reading.

"We've been aware for some time

that our student composition

needs to be expanded,

so it is with great pleasure that we accept your application

and welcome you as Bibbington College

as our first male student."

I did it. I got accepted...

Way to go, Sam.

Can you believe it?

At an all-girl school, too. Wow.

Well, it was an all-girl-school.

Now it's going to be an all-girl-and-Sam school.

Well, I've got to go.

I've got to go tell my dad.

Congratulations, Sam.

Thanks, Clarissa.

I'll talk to you later.

See you, Sam.

Sam, a Bibbington co-ed.

Who would have thought?

I wonder what he'll be doing in years.

After becoming the first man

to head the women's studies department at Bibbington,

Sam Anders was abducted

by rebel Amazon babes from planet X

and fought in the intergalactic w*r

of .

Well, I guess I sort of figured out

where everybody I know is gonna be in years...

Everybody except me, that is.

Now let's see,

if I could be anyone,

I wonder who I'd be.

We're ruined! We're gonna get canceled!

Oh, nobody watches network news anymore anyway.

I've allotted eight minutes of air time for this interview.

Next thing you know I'm gonna be holding on

cue cards for Geraldo.

Miles, Miles I need to talk to you.

What's the problem?

Our lead guest just kicked the proverbial bucket.

The inventor of the longevity diet croaked?

Poor thing.

I know, maybe I could share my recipe

for miso paste face mask.

Murphy, it really does wonders for wrinkles.

That should be a real ratings whopper.

Well, I could reminisce about my early news triumphs.

You all do remember my prize-winning reportage on,

The First Space Station Mall.

Why is this happening to me?

Guys, guys, guys,

let me handle this.

I was gonna save this, but...

Oh, goodie.

I knew Murphy would come through.

So is it a congressional aide?

I'd be happy with George Stephanopoulos.

Someone happens to owe me one.

Hello, Murphy Darling here.

President, please.

Please, please, god!

The president?

No way!You got to be kidding.

Chelsea, how are you, Madame President?

Remember that favor you owe me?

Well, I think it's time you pay it up.

Well, you never know.

One thing I do know is I've got to go for it.

I'd better go find out how Mom and Dad are doing.

Maybe I'll have to help them along.

Mom, Dad,

I was just coming to look for you guys.

Sport, let's talk.

Here's how we feel about this whole intern thing.

On the positive side there's a lot to be said

for learning by doing.

Yeah.

But on the negative side,

there's no substitute

for a complete and wide-ranging education.

We wouldn't feel right about you missing out

on a college program.

Besides, New York a difficult city,

very exciting, but very difficult.

We wouldn't want you living in New York on your own.

You know, it's important that you understand our thinking.

Do you?

Yes, absolutely,

but what does it all mean?

Well, in the end,

well, we've come to our conclusion.

Which is?

It's your decision.

Is this a trick question or something?

No, not at all.

And just so you know, we've called grandma Agnes,

and she's got a place you can stay.

Right, and you're gonna have to find a school,

start a few classes.

But, you know, we have some friends in New York.

So we'll come visit you, you know...

A lot.

During the Christmas season,

we'll want to go shopping together on Fifth Avenue.

You mean...

If this is what you really want,

you have our blessing.

Yes!

Yes!

I forgot.

Thank you.

I love you.

Wow! I can't believe it!

I'm going to New York!

Wow, I'm really going to miss this place.

[thud]

The sweet sound of Sam's ladder.

I'll never forget it.

Hi, Sam.

Hey, Clarissa.

Guess what, my parents said yes!

That's fantastic.

You're going to New York.

Wow!

I see a road trip from Bibbington, Maine,

in my future.

So you're definitely going there?

Yeah. I can't wait.

When I came home,

the local Bibbington welcome committee came by.

I met some really cool students.

That's great, Sam.

Want to meet them sometime?

Sure.

Come on, girls. Right this way.

Hi, Sam.

Hi, Sam.

Hi, Sam.

Clarissa, meet Zoe, Naomi, and Autumn.

Hi.Hey.

We're so psyched Sam's going to Bibbington.

Finally, a guy.

A really cool guy.

Gee, thanks.

Well, Sam's always been a pioneer.

We're heading off to a poetry reading at Cafe Let It Be.

You wanna come?

That sounds great, but I'm kinda in the mood

to just hang by myself.

Maybe I'll join you later.

Well, it was really great meeting you.

See you later.

Bye.

Well, Sam, looks like you're all set, too.

Yeah, all those rejections were worth it.

I feel like I just won the lottery.

I'll see you later, Sam.

Thanks, Clarissa.

Wow.

The future's looking brighter and brighter.

Hi, sis.

Coming into try to stake your claim?

No, I figure I might hold off on that.

So what do you want?

I wanted to come in

and see if you needed anything,

you know, like boxes to pack up in.

Boxes?

Ferguson, I don't have to pack quite yet.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just trying to be helpful.

Um, you know,

never too soon to pack.

So, uh, see ya.

See ya.

Don't go!

My big sister! You can't leave me!

Ferguson, I'm not leaving yet.

It will never be the same. Who will I fight with?

I'll be stuck withthem.

Okay, okay,

you can even come visit me in New York.

Really? I can? Promise?

Promise.

Well, okay, I'll consider it.

I would like to see the city.

Maybe I'll give you some pointers

on Manhattan high life.

Thanks, Ferguson.

See you.

Yeah, well, I guess

I'm gonna miss the little dweeb.

In fact, there's a lot of things

I'm gonna miss.

I guess I'm gonna miss everything,

but mostly, everyone.

How can I be homesick

when I haven't even left home yet?

But I guess there comes a time

when you have to say goodbye.

But maybe this isn't goodbye.

Maybe this is just a new beginning.

You never know.

♪ Naa naa na-na naa ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na-naa ♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa na-na na-na na naa ♪