02x21 - Food waste

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[audience cheering]

Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.
Thank you so much
for joining us.

Just time for a quick recap
of the week.

And it has been dominated

by America's relationship
with Iran.

It's the "Star Wars" of
international relationships:

Good in the '70s,
terrible for a long time,

and now hopefully
on the brink of a revival.

Because--
because this week,

we got some major news.

Today, President Obama
announced an agreement

he says will keep
an atomic b*mb

out of Iranian hands
for more than a decade.

This deal offers
an opportunity

to move in a new direction.

We should seize it.

Wow. I mean, you can tell
the president means business

because he's speaking
from the "I k*lled bin Laden
and threw him in the ocean"

wing of the White House.

And-- and you can tell
that Biden means business

because he is locking eyes
with the camera

like a silverback gorilla

who thinks you're challenging
his alpha status.

"Do you want to dance,
m*therf*cker?

"Iran's not going nuclear,
but Joey B. might.

Do you want to dance
with me?"

In his address,
the president wanted
to make it clear,

just because
he was making a deal
with Iran

did not mean
he fully trusted them.

This deal is not built
on trust.

It is built on verification.

Inspectors will have


to Iran's
key nuclear facilities.

And that's
a reasonable request.

After all, Iran developed
nuclear facilities in secret,

and then,
when they were discovered,

claimed they were
for civilian purposes.

Which is a bit like
having your girlfriend
discover your RealDoll

and saying, "Wait. What?
I'm getting my lifeguard
certification,

"and they require
that your CPR dummy

"have a medically accurate
anus and vag*na.

I'm allowed this."

And it's perhaps
that lack of trust

which is why the terms
of this agreement
are so severe.

Iran will remove two-thirds
of its installed centrifuges.

Iran will not use
its advanced centrifuges

to produce enriched uranium
for the next decade.

Iran will also get rid
of 98%

of its stockpile
of enriched uranium.

That stockpile
will be reduced to a fraction

of what would be required
for a single w*apon.

Yes. If they obey
the terms of the deal,

Iran won't have
enough material
to make a single b*mb.

And if you're wondering
if they could make one
really teeny b*mb

that they could strap
to a su1c1de hamster

and use to blow up
a mailbox...

Well-- well, no.
We asked.

And no, they--
they can't do that.

That's-- They can't do it.
We did ask, though.

There was-- there was
actually good reason

the president
was making a hard sell
for this deal.

He knew that
there were some who,

within hours
of the deal being announced,

simply would not be able
to wait to start
criticizing it.

This is a bad deal.
The worst possible outcome,

is you've created
a nuclear arms race
in the Mideast.

You put Israel at risk
and you put us at risk.

The only other thing
that I would add

is that we don't know
all the specifics
to this plan.

That's true.
And you yourself--

But I know--
You yourself
haven't read anything, right?

That's true.

What?
He hadn't read it.

Lind-- Lindsey Graham
is discussing the Iran deal

the way a four-year-old
talks about broccoli.

"It's disgusting!
It's the worst food
in the world!"

"Have you ever
tried broccoli?"

"No, I have not,
but I know I hate it.

I know I hate it."

And-- and Lindsey Graham,
to be fair,

was not alone
in criticizing the deal

based solely on what
he thought it contained.

The deal that we have
out there, in my view,

from what I know of it
thus far, is unacceptable.

If in fact it's as bad
a deal as I think it is
at this moment,

we'll do everything we can
to stop it.

Wait.
As bad as you think it is?

That--
that is a clear sign

that you didn't
do the reading.

It's like--
it's like starting
a book report,

"Some of of us are of mice,

while others are,
of course, of men."

"Uh, there have been
many good Gatsbys in history,

but only one I would call
'The Great Gatsby.'"

And the thing is,

how can you
not read this deal
before commenting?

It's only 159 pages long,

and much of that is
lists and preamble.

The actual meat
of the agreement
is about 90 pages,

making it
around half the length

of "Baby-Sitters Club #1:
Kristy's Great Idea."

And, look, I'm not saying
the deal is perfect.

I'm just saying,
think of the nuclear
agreement with Iran

as a calzone--
it could contain
a lot of things

from cheese
and marinara sauce
to a dead mouse.

But the point is,
you don't get to complain
about what might be inside

unless you have
f*cking looked.

So let--
let's move on now to Mexico,

or as you may know it,
"Spicy Canada."

Last weekend,
Mexico's leading drug boss,

Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán,
escaped from prison.

And just wait
until you hear the details
of how he got out.

Reporter:
Mexican government
taking ABC News

through
the now-notorious tunnel,

running nearly a full mile
underground,

from the shower
in El Chapo's prison cell

all the way
to a half-built house

used to hide an estimated


pulled out of the ground
to make that tunnel.

Look closely.
You can see rails.

Authorities finding
this modified motorcycle

down below as well.

Listen, listen,

I-- I know El Chapo
is a bad man,

but that is incredible.

He-- he escaped
through a literal
underground railroad

built using
a tiny motorbike.

The plan he designed
when he was 12 worked!

Now, clearly, clearly
the Mexican authorities

have some serious questions
to answer,

especially considering
this could hardly have been
a surprise.

He is, and has been
known for years,

as the tunnel specialist.

Um, he has been known
to bring

sophisticated equipment,
engineers and others,

to build tunnels
in the US-Mexican border
for years.

Perhaps it was so obvious

that they just discarded it
as a possibility.

That's-- that's the point.

Of course El Chapo
was going to escape
through a tunnel.

It's as inevitable
as Wes Anderson's next movie

featuring
an eccentrically dressed
Bill Murray,

a Kinks soundtrack,

and the memory of how much
you liked "Rushmore."

It's going to happen.

And, look,
if you're thinking,
"Well, sure.

"Sure, they knew
he liked tunnels,

"but how could they
possibly have known

that he would dig one
under his bathroom?"

Well, this is how he escaped
the Mexican military

just a year and a half ago.

Reporter:
When they got inside,

El Chapo was nowhere
to be found.

But they did find this.

The tub.

Look at this.

The escape hatch.

Underneath
is the entranceway
to a hidden tunnel.

He escaped through
a bathroom-based tunnel!

Come on, Mexico!

You have to know
you cannot allow this man
near plumbing!

You can't allow it.

And the problem--

You don't even need
his past history to know that.

Look at him.
He's just one "M"
on his hat away

from looking
like a psychopathic
Super Mario.

You have to see it coming.

And finally,
finally this week,

North Korea--
Earth's Florida.

Next month
is the 70th anniversary

of Korea's Liberation Day,

the date marking the end
of Japanese colonial rule.

And I guess
the big question is,

what do you get the country
that is ordered to think
it has everything?

Well, apparently,
Kim Jong-un has decided

that, for the first time ever,

a foreign rock band
will play there.

So who is it going to be?

Rolling Stones? U2?

A Michael Jackson
impersonator passed off
as the real thing

'cause North Koreans
don't know he's dead yet?

Well, well, no.

'Cause it turns out,
it's going to be--
and this is true--

a Slovenian art-rock group
called Laibach.

And if you're
not familiar with them,

this is the happy
celebratory music

that North Koreans
will be listening to
on their special anniversary.

[gruff, male voice]
♪ Europe is falling apart!

[thumping music playing]

♪ Europe is falling apart

♪ Europe is falling apart.

[laughter and cheers]

Happ-- Happy Liberation Day,
North Korea.

Sleep well.

Now, look, Laibach might seem
like an odd choice,

but you can understand
what totalitarian dictator

Kim Jong-un
might see in them

when you watch their video,
"Dance with Laibach."

[thumping music playing]

[singing in German]

Of course Kim Jong-un
loves this band.

That video is basically
his answer to,

"Where do you see yourself
in five years?"

"Oh, I don't know.

"Probably leading
a skeleton army
into battle,

if-- if all goes well."

Now you probably
won't be surprised

to learn that Laibach
has been accused

of glorifying fascism
in the past,

to which their response
has been,

"We are fascists
as much as Hitler
was a painter,"

which, I assume,
means they are fascists.

They're just
very, very bad at it.

But-- but before you worry

that their music might be
too much of a downer

for the people
of North Korea,

please know that Laibach
promised the program

will also feature--
and this is true--

them reinterpreting songs
from "The Sound of Music,"

which, yes,
sounds a little weird.

But, actually,
it wouldn't be the first time

they've brought
that fun Laibach touch
to other people's music.

I give you their
absolutely inexplicable cover

of "Sympathy for the Devil."

[gruff voice]
♪ Pleased to meet you

♪ Hope you guessed my name

♪ But what's puzzling you

♪ Is just the nature
of my game! ♪

Finally, we have an answer
to the question,

"What if Freddie Mercury
was trapped in a cave,

"had just swallowed a frog

and was trying
to sing it out?"

I've-- I've got to say,

North Korea seems like
a terrifying place to visit,

but if it is really true
that that guy

is going to be singing
"The Sound of Music,"

I kind of want to go there.

I need to hear him bark
about whiskers on kittens.

And now this.

Announcer:
And now...

Gayle King:
Men average
about 14 sexual partners

during their lifetime,

and women average about eight.

Do those numbers seem
about right to you guys?

[both laughing]

Charlie's says, "Look,
I only have 10 fingers
and 10 toes.

That's not right."

No, Charlie says,
"I'm not going there."
Oh, okay.

It is hard to cover
both boobs with one arm.

Try that.
That's a sport.

Depending on the size
of your boobs, actually.
There you go.

Do you have a comment?
Do you have a comment, dear?

No!
Not at all, okay.

If you have sex
on the first date,

do you think less
of a person who has sex
with you on the first date?

No! No.
You don't?

For most men,
their definition of great sex

is if their partner
says, "That was great sex."

It's true.
Is that true?

Charlie: No.

[giggling]

Charlie, don't you like
a girl in wings?

I need to get me
some wings.

No, I like a girl
in Victoria's Secret.

Okay!
That works too.

Oh, my.

Moving on,
our main story tonight
concerns food,

or as plants and animals
might call it, the afterlife.

We-- We love food
in America,

as you would know
if you've ever turned on
a television set.

Announcers:
IHOP all-you-can-eat
pancakes are back!

Introducing
all-you-can-eat wings,

only at Golden Corral.

Everyone's favorite,
Endless Shrimp is back.

People wait
for this promotion
all year long.

♪ Riblets, riblets, riblets

♪ Applebee's has riblets

♪ All that you can eat now

♪ Riblets!

♪ Sadness, sadness,
sadness ♪

♪ Let food replace
your sadness ♪

♪ Stuff riblets in that hole
in your heart! ♪

That is--
that's a catchy way

to sell hog scraps
hidden in barbecue sauce.

In fact,
celebrating America

often goes hand-in-hand
with celebrating its food.

Watch this actual commercial
running right now.

What's more American
than a cheeseburger?

This cheeseburger,

loaded with a hot dog
and potato chips,

in the hands
of all-American model
Samantha Hoopes,

in a hot tub,
in a pickup truck,

driven by
an American bull rider,

on an aircraft carrier,

under the gaze
of Lady Liberty

as she admires
the Most American
Thickburger.

New at Carl's Jr.
and Hardee's.

Wow.

A cheeseburger with hot dog
and potato chips.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you

the new Confederate flag.

She's majestic.

But this is not--
this is not a story

about the food we eat.

It's a story about the food
we don't eat,

because there is
a surprising amount of it.

Woman:
A report by the Natural
Resources Defense Council

says that as much
as 40%

of all the food produced
in the United States

never gets eaten.

[woman #2 reading]

Americans throw away
enough food every year

to fill


Food waste is like the band
Rascal Flatts.

It can fill
a surprising number
of stadiums,

even though many people
consider it complete garbage.

But between producers,
sellers, and consumers,

Americans are throwing out
a third or more of our food.

And the amount we throw out
has increased by around 50%

since the 1970s.

At this rate,
in 40 years,

when you order pizza
from Domino's,

they'll just
deliver it straight
to the nearest dumpster,

as they should,
but that's not
the point here.

And if you think--
if you think that
this sounds bad,

just wait until you see
how it looks.

Check out this waste dump
in California's
Salinas Valley.

We've got a whole load,
pretty much,

of loose organic lettuce.

You know, we've got spinach
towards the back.

Uh, looks like
it's perfectly fine.
Nothing wrong with it.

We've got some kale here.

We've got broccoli
in the back as well.

We have plenty of produce
to make a salad here.

Oh, not just a salad.

You could make
a significantly better salad

than the salads
they actually sell
at McDonald's,

which look like the trimmings
in Ronald McDonald's lawnmower

mixed with Grimace ej*cul*te.

And the thing is,
watching all that food

go from farm
to not-a-table

is awful
for a bunch of reasons.

First and most obviously,
there are many people

in this country
who need that food.

In 2013,
nearly 50 million Americans

lived in
food-insecure households,

meaning that,
at some point in the year,

they struggled
to put enough food
on the table.

And the fact
that we throw away
a third of our food

gets pretty alarming

when you hear from
some of those people.

It's hard.
I'll go without food
before my kids will.

Budget is down
to the penny,

and it's just
not enough still.

Woman:
It brings you to tears?

Yeah.

Why?
It's just hard.

They're so young,
and it's hard.

It is crazy
that that is happening

in a country
with 730 football stadiums

full of uneaten food.
It's insane.

But there are also
other less obvious
consequences

to discarding food.

For a start,

we're wasting all the labor
and natural resources

that went into making it,

and at a time
when the landscape
of California

is shriveling up
like a pumpkin

in front of a house
with a lazy dad,

it seems
especially unwise

that farmers
are pumping water into food

that ends up being used
as a garnish for landfills,

because those landfills
go on to cause problems
of their own.

Man:
If you were to throw
an apple core

just out into the woods,
it's not a big deal.

The problem comes
when all of that waste
is aggregated

and it decomposes
without air in a landfill.

That anaerobic condition
is what creates methane,

which is a greenhouse gas

that's more than
as CO2 at trapping heat.

That's right.

When we dump food
into a landfill,

we're essentially throwing
a trash blanket

over a flatulent food man

and Dutch-ovening
the entire planet.

And--
and if you're thinking,

"But-- but hold on, John.

"What if I'm an assh*le
who couldn't give a shit

"about America's
hungry families

or the long-term viability
of life on Earth?"

Well, first, let me say,
"Mr. Trump,

"thank you so much
for taking the time

"to watch this show tonight.

"It's lovely
to have you with us.

"And secondly,
don't worry.

"There is a selfish
financial reason

for you to care
about this story too."

In our households,
we're wasting somewhere

between 15 and 25%
of the food that
we're buying.

You know, that's expensive.

I mean, imagine walking
out of a grocery store

with four bags
of groceries,

dropping one
in the parking lot,

and just not bothering
to pick it up.

That's essentially
what we're doing

in our homes today.

And that's not good.

When you're throwing away
that much food,

you're not
just being wasteful.

You're wining
and dining raccoons.

[hissing]
"Oh, this is
absolutely lovely."

[hissing]
"Thanks for this.

We needed a break
from the kids." [hissing]

And-- and look,

look, it's a good thing
so many of us

have access
to plenty of relatively
inexpensive food.

I love the fact

that we live in a country
with Cap'n Crunch,

Peanut Butter Crunch,

Chocolatey Crunch,
Sprinkled Donut Crunch,

Cinnamon Roll Crunch,
Christmas Crunch,

and Halloween Crunch.

I will even defend
Oops! All Berries Crunch,

a cereal so unnecessary
that its actual name

includes an apology
for its existence.

But it does seem--
it does seem

like our food wastage
is getting to a critical mass.

And so much of it
stems from our own habits
and misconceptions.

For instance,
stores big and small
often routinely overstock,

so that you can walk in
and see tons of food there.

Because
if they don't do that,

as this small
farm-stand operator
describes it,

we might not buy anything.

If this was what I had,

and there was an hour left
in the market,

that one bunch of chard
would sit there

and no one would buy it.

But if I had 30 bunches
of chard

all, like, bursting out,

I'd probably sell, like,


So what does that say?
Like, people are totally
impulse shopping.

And they think
if there's one left,

that there's
something wrong with it.

It's true.
I wouldn't buy that chard,

partly because it's chard,

but mainly because
we naturally assume

the last option
is a bad option,

which in many contexts,
is absolutely the case.

For example,
you don't want
the last magazine

in the doctor's office

because it's always
"Golf Digest."

Always. And no one
has ever read "Golf Digest."

That's not even
a golf club in his hand,

but no one noticed,
because it's on "Golf Digest."

But when it comes
to produce,

the last option
is probably completely fine,

especially because,
as another farmer explains,

even slightly subpar
fruits and vegetables

don't make it
to the produce aisle.

Man:
Every time that the people
are picking,

they'll have a few
they throw on the ground,

because there's always
a few that aren't
quite perfect.

This is
a perfectly good peach

right on the ground
like this.

Yup.
Oh, my God.

If you just look
down this way,

it's like a bounty.

Look at that.

And the reason
that happens

is that if a peach
doesn't meet strict
aesthetic standards,

it might not be worth
a farmer even trying
to sell it.

Our produce aisles
have become a lot

like Leonardo DiCaprio's
penis--

exclusively accessible
to the physically flawless.

And it's not right.
That's not right.

In fact,
our produce body-shaming
is actually so ingrained,

it's reflected in the USDA's
grading standards.

Just look at the visual
grading standards
for peaches.

This is a number one peach.

And of course it is.
That's an undeniably
beautiful peach.

I want to buy that peach
dinner and f*ck it.

Whereas-- whereas,
and brace yourself,

this is a number two peach,
and that is an abomination
unto the Lord.

And as soon as it is labeled
a number two,

it can lose two-thirds
of its market value
to a farmer,

even though
its contents are the same.

And many retailers
have standards

even more strict
than the USDA's,

all of which is why
so many peaches

end up being thrown
on the ground to rot.

And that should not be
how we treat our fruit.

It should only be
how we treat our celebrities.

So help me, God,
Channing Tatum,

you lose one muscle fiber
on that six-pack,

and I will
personally toss you
into Hollywood's landfill.

You keep it tight, Tatum.

#keepittighttatum.

Do it. Do it.

And-- and the thing is,
we don't just reject food

because of how it looks.

Sometimes we do it
out of pure fear.

According to one estimate,


have thrown out food
that's past its sell-by date

because we're afraid
it's not safe.

And I am absolutely part
of that 91%.

We're weirdly reverent
towards these dates,

even when
they make no sense.

"Use by," "sell by,"
and nothing but just a date.

Woman:
And this is
all the same brand?

This is all
the same brand.

This is not only
the same brand,

but also
the same 2%.

So what does this show us?

This shows there's
complete confusion out there.

The only labels on food
more meaningless than those

are the ones
on Smirnoff bottles

that say,
"triple distilled vodka."

"Oh, really Smirnoff?

"So you ran the potato sweat
through the tube sock

"two extra times?

Thanks for spending
the effort."

We naturally assume

sell-by dates reflect
a uniform standard of safety,

but that is not true.

Actually, it has nothing
to do with safety at all.

It's just a manufacturer's
best guess

of when that food
is going to be the freshest
and at the best quality.

Exactly.

Those dates are decided on
by manufacturers.

And if I were
a food manufacturer,

I would make those dates
as tight as possible

to convince people
to buy a new one
of my products.

Because, unlike Apple,
I can't just create

a new operating system
that suddenly means

your old cereal is
incompatible with your mouth.

And the truth is,

with the exception
of baby formula,

the federal government
does not require any food

to carry an expiration date.

And state laws vary widely,
with nine states

not requiring any date labels
at all.

Which means most of the time,
sell-by dates

are one those things
that look official,

but you can probably ignore,

like a child
in a cop uniform.

Just--
just stop it, Tyler.

I'm not under "awwest."

You're under "awwest."

But-- but because we think
those dates are real,

many supermarkets
throw expired food out

even before
its sell-by date.

And they don't donate it
for what they think

is a pretty good reason.

That's a common
misconception.

We all think
that if you donate food
and someone gets sick,

you could get sued.

I thought that until
earlier this week.

But we looked into it
and couldn't find
a single case

where a food donor
has been sued.

It doesn't happen.
It's a false fear,

like believing
if you go in the water
after eating,

you'll get a cramp
and drown.

Yeah, it turns out
that isn't true either.

This week
has blown my mind!

Because the system is,

if you donate food
to a charity,

you're covered
by the Emerson Act,

which says
you cannot be sued

if you make a food donation
in good faith.

You presumably
get the same cover
with donating clothes,

even though
in some cases there,
you really should be sued.

"Donating
a cowl-neck sweater?
Hello.

"The homeless
live in shelters,
not fall 2008.

"Ugh!

Ugh."

But here's--
here's the problem.

Even if more people
understood that,

there would still be food
that doesn't get to people

who need it
for a critical reason.

Woman:
Harold McClarty
of HMC Farms

says he'd like to donate
more of his peaches

to the food banks, but...

Getting it into the hands
of somebody to eat it
isn't free.

There's got to be
an economic incentive

to move more of this
into an avenue

that the food banks
could take advantage of.

It's a lot easier
and cheaper just to,
basically, throw it away.

And that may be
the biggest issue of all.

For businesses, donating food
is genuinely expensive.

You've got to box it,
store it,

coordinate deliveries
for it.

There's a lot of overheads.
And you cannot fault companies

for caring about
their bottom line,

in the same way
you can't fault a dog

for caring about
licking its balls.

It's what dogs do,
it's natural,

and dog balls
are delicious.

Companies,
in their defense,

are not charities,

which is why
they should be incentivized

to donate food
with tax breaks.

Large corporations
already get one,

but annoyingly,
that same break
for small businesses

is not a permanent part
of the tax code,

meaning that Congress
has to keep renewing it.

And that's a problem
because family farms
or local restaurants

may not know if they're
going to get that break

at the end of the year,
and therefore,

whether donating food
will be financially viable
for them.

It's a ridiculous system

which probably
prevents a lot of food
from being donated.

So here is the good news.

In February this year,
a congressman proposed
H.R.644,

the Fighting Hunger
Incentive Act

to make
that tax break permanent.

Here, actually, is one
of the bill's sponsors.

It's time to get rid
of these short-term fixes,

embrace long-term solutions.

This legislation
simply makes the provisions
permanent.

And when you think about it,
that's important,

because when something's
not permanent,

it affects our behavior.

That's why
we all treat rental cars

like we're in
a "Fast and Furious" movie.

"Oh, I'm sorry,
sharp turn ahead.

"Get ready to drift,
Kia Sorento!

Whoo!"

Now--
now you'll be happy to hear

that bill passed the House.

However,
by the time it did,

it had been bundled together

with other
unpaid-for tax breaks

and retitled
the "America Gives More Act."

But still,
that original provision
was in there,

which means this problem
has been solved.

The show is over.
We can roll credits

and all live
happily ever after, right?

No.

Not right.

Because when the bill
got to the Senate,

they-- and I honestly
did not know

this was even possible--

they removed everything
from inside the bill,

retitled it
the "Trade Facilitation

and Trade Enforcement Act
of 2015,"

and refilled it
with completely
different language

concerning border control
and US-Israeli relations.

Which meant, yes,
H.R.644 passed,

just with
a completely different title

and completely
different contents.

It's like going
to a restaurant,

ordering a veggie burger,
and having the waiter say,

"Here you go.
We made it out of meatloaf

and we call it a waffle."

And then you can't even say,

"Well, I don't want this.
Give it to someone
who needs it."

Because they can't,
because they don't know
whether or not

they'll get
a f*cking tax credit for it.

And look, the--
the insane thing

is everyone
basically agrees

small businesses
should get tax incentives
to donate food.

So we have to find
a way to pass that.

But even if we do,
it will be one small part

of what needs to be
a much bigger solution,

from resolving
to eat uglier fruit,

to taking expiration dates
with a pinch of salt,

to no longer worrying
about getting sued

by high-powered lawyers
representing the hungry.

And we all
have to address

our relationship
with food waste.

Or at the very least,
our cheeseburger commercials

are going to have to
get a lot more honest.

Narrator:
What's more American
than a cheeseburger?

This cheeseburger,

loaded with a hot dog
and potato chips,

in the hands of a model,
in a hot tub,

in a pickup truck,
on an aircraft carrier,

in front of
the Statue of Liberty.

I'll tell you
what's more American.

If that cheeseburger
is then thrown away

along with 15
other cheeseburgers,

in front of a food-insecure
family of four,

who frankly cannot f*cking
believe their eyes,

as they stand on top
of 14 tons

of perfectly edible
if aesthetically unappealing
fruits and vegetables,

which, in turn, sits on top
of 80 tons of dairy products,

all one day past
their arbitrary sell-by date,

all of which
sits inside a tear

rolling down
Abraham Lincoln's face
on Mount Rushmore,

which is now nearly
chin deep

in millions
of discarded cheeseburgers,

all gradually decomposing

and emitting
flammable methane

in red, white, and blue.

That is f*cking American.

Available in Dumpsters behind
Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.

That's our show.

Thank you so much
for watching. Good night!

[audience cheering]