03x01 - Voter ID laws in the United States

[bunniefuu]

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[upbeat rock music]

♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome,
welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

We are back!

We are back.

And look.
Listen. Listen. Listen.

Let me be honest
right from the start.

We had prepared to
start this show

with a fun recap of
everything that we've missed

in the past
three months,

from the Iowa caucus
and the New Hampshire primary

to this f*cking assh*le

to Kanye denying that he enjoys
the presence

of fingers in his butt.

It's--it's been a busy
three months we've missed.

But then last night,
that all pretty much

went out the window
when this happened.

[dramatic music]

announcer:
This is CNN breaking news.

♪

- All right, I have some very
sad news, some breaking news,

just in to us here at CNN.

United States Supreme Court
Justice Antonin Scalia has died.

- Wow.

Well, first,
that is a rare case

of CNN's dramatic breaking news
banner actually being justified.

Because normally
it's reserved for informing us

that a man named Wolf
is going into a tunnel,

or that a major news event
occurred over a century ago.

And look.
Let's be honest.

There are a lot of
strong feelings

surrounding Antonin Scalia,

but whatever you think of him,
his death

is the end of
an era on the Supreme Court.

He was a hugely
significant justice,

and for the purposes
of our Supreme Court,

he was an absolutely
adorable bulldog.

So obviously,
this is a very sad day

for his family and his friends,
and it's also a tough day

for us here at the show,
partly because

I now have to m*rder that dog.

Hey, you--you knew the deal,
Pickles.

You signed the contract!

The fact is...

the fact is,
there is now a huge vacancy

on the Supreme Court
that needs to be filled

or, if you list--listen to
the Republicans

in the past 24 hours, not.

announcer:
In an unprecedented move,

Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell

immediately released
a statement saying:

- We're not gonna give up
the U.S. Supreme Court

for a generation by allowing
Barack Obama

to make one more
liberal appointee.

- I think it's up
to Mitch McConnell

and everybody else
to stop it.

It's called delay, delay, delay.

- Well,
that does not bode well,

because Mitch McConnell
is actually pretty good

at delaying
things for people,

whether it's legislation,
court appointments, or orgasms.

Believe me, if you ever
need to delay, delay, delay,

just picture that face,
and I guarantee you,

nothing will happen, possibly
for the rest of your life.

Now, interestingly,
a strange unwritten rule

of the Senate is being cited
to justify this behavior.

- There is a rule
in the Senate.

It's an informal rule
called the "Thurmond Rule."

The rule that Strom Thurmond
put forward was,

no president in the last six
months of their presidency

should be able
to appoint a judge

that has
a lifetime appointment.

- Yes, the Strom Thurmond
rule.

Now, I'm not surprised that
there is one.

It's just,
I thought it would always be

about the amount of hush money
required to keep

your secret family a secret,

or how r*cist an old person is
allowed to be

before their age is
no longer an excuse.

But--but if Mitch McConnell
does want to invoke this rule,

he will need
to be careful,

because during
the George W. Bush years

when Democrats were trying to
pull this Thurmond Rule bullshit

to prevent lower court
appointments,

he was pretty categorical
about it.

- Our Democratic colleagues
continually talk about

the so-called Thurmond Rule,
under which the Senate

supposedly stops
confirming judges

in a presidential election year.

This seeming obsession
with this rule

that doesn't exist
is just an excuse

for our colleagues
to run out the clock

on qualified nominees
who are waiting

to fill badly needed vacancies.

- Yes, it seems the
Thurmond Rule is a bit like God.

When things are going your way,
you don't bring it up a lot,

but as soon as
you're in trouble,

it is all that you talk about.

And it's also worth noting
that the Thurmond Rule

generally applies
to the last six months

of a president's term.

So even if it
does apply,

it wouldn't come
into effect until July 20th.

Although, what more fitting
tribute to the life

and work of
Antonin Scalia

than the Senate
really trying to stretch

the definition of "late term."

And--and also, also,
it is--it's weird.

It's weird to see a debate
over an unwritten rule

when you consider
what Antonin Scalia stood for.

- You talk about someone
who defended consistently

the original meaning of
the Constitution,

who understood that
the Constitution was not there

to be interpreted
based on the fads of the moment,

but that they were there--
it was there to be

interpreted according to
its original meaning.

- He's right.

Scalia loved
the letter of the law.

So let's look at the letter that
applies here, shall we?

Article two, section two
of the Constitution

says the president
shall nominate,

and by and with the advice
and consent of the Senate,

shall appoint judges of
the Supreme Court.

That's the president,
this president.

There is nothing
in the Constitution

about you getting
to delay him for a year

because of some
bullshit tradition.

So--so to Senate Republicans,
I say this:

if you really
loved Antonin Scalia,

you wouldn't
honor his memory

by desecrating the thing
he loved the most.

Think of Scalia like
a Brita filter

or a child's hamster.

Why don't you honor his entire
reason for being

by swiftly and
efficiently replacing him?

Now, I-I am sure that
we'll be covering a lot

of this Supreme Court fight
in the future,

but for now,
let's turn to another

major American institution:
Chipotle,

America's preferred
over-the-counter laxative.

It has been
a rough few months

for the "Sure, let's go ahead
and call it Mexican"

fast food chain.

Since last July,
they've experienced six

food safety failures involving
norovirus, salmonella,

and E. coli.

And as of December,
they face a federal criminal

investigation as well,
so on Monday,

they took drastic action.

- Chipotle temporarily closed
all 2,000 of its stores

for four hours today
to hold a scheduled

companywide employee meeting
on the topic of food safety.

- Closed stores?

Well, that is bad news
for Chipotle,

but on the bright side,
it's the best day Subway has had

since Jared went to prison.

But--but--but
I will--I will say,

it may take more than
a few hours

to fix some of
the systemic problems

Chipotle seems to have
with its restaurants,

especially when you consider
reports like this one

from a news station in Florida.

woman: In January,
inspectors walked into Chipotle

on Cortez Road West
in Bradenton

and saw a live wild bird
flying around the restaurant

with open food
at the front line

exposed to possible
contamination.

According to the inspection
report, the manager says

he was aware of that wild bird,
and it's a regular nuisance.

- "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know that bird.

"He bought a soda
like a year ago,

"and he just keeps
filling it up.

"That bird's a d*ck.
You're a d*ck, Keith.

You're a d*ck."

[cheers and applause]

But--but I'm sure,
I'm absolutely sure

the manager of that
bird-infested Chipotle

made sure that it could
never ever happen again.

woman: Animal control was
called to remove the bird,

but when inspectors
returned the next day,

live bird, still there.

- What?

"Live bird, still there"
is the second lowest grade

you can actually get from
a health inspection.

The lowest one, of course,
being a Fieri.

But--but to go by
customers' reactions

to Chipotle store closings
on Monday,

they may not have too much
to worry about.

- I'm disappointed.

I mean, I understand
they need to take, like,

safety precautions,
but I love Chipotle.

- Will it deter you
from eating at Chipotle?

- Uh, no, it won't.
No.

- Love those burrito bowls
so much?

- Yeah, exactly.

- It's just so good.

It is just so tasty.

It's my dirty little secret.

I love Chipotle.

- So--so hold on.

They know it's bad,
and they want it even more.

Chipotle is now officially

America's emotionally
abusive boyfriend.

It seems Chipotle have us
in the palm of their hands,

and judging
from their latest commercial,

they know it.

- Listen, we know that
here at Chipotle,

we've had a bad few months.

Not only did we make people sick
with E. coli,

norovirus,
and salmonella,

we're also under
criminal investigation

by the federal government.
[chuckles]

But don't worry.

We took a full half day off
on Monday to regroup,

and now, we're ready to welcome
you back with open arms.

- Welcome to Chipotle.
Thank you for your bravery.

- Sure,
Chipotle's hit rock bottom,

but all that means is that
we're ready to bounce back.

I mean, let's face it.

If you're even
contemplating eating here

after an E. coli scare,

what would it take to stop you?

Learning the one time we
accidentally put penguin meat

in our barbacoa;
or that three months ago,

we couldn't find the lettuce,
so we just used

that Easter basket grass
for, like, five full days;

or that we thaw our
meat by having a large man

named Mitchell breathe on it.

[laughter]

- [exhales]

- Or that there are
a number of wild birds

that just come in and eat
for free every day.

Birds who, in our defense,
are only there

to deal with
our massive vole problem.

Or that our head chef is
an actual 6-foot cockroach.

I'm still pretty sure
you'd come back.

And you know why?

Because if Chipotle
could persuade America

that 1,000-calorie burritos
are healthy,

and we actually did that,

well, then we can do anything
we damn well please.

Chipotle.

What are you gonna do,
go to Taco Bell?

[laughter]

I don't think so.

[cheers and applause]

- Moving on.

We are--we are finally
in an election year,

so for our main story
tonight,

let's look at voting,
the cornerstone

of American democracy,
the unshakable principle

that everyone should have
an equal vote, even idiots,

even this guy.

- Go.

[groans and laughter]

- Now, I know it's painful,
but his vote

should count as much as yours.

It should count as much as
the president's.

That's what America
is all about.

Now, in recent years, some
states have made voting easier.

For instance, three states
now hold their elections

almost entirely by mail,
and 30 states plus D.C.

now let you
register to vote online.

Sadly, others have gone in the
opposite direction because,

depending on who you are
and where you live,

you may face new obstacles to
voting this November

thanks to, among other things,
the Supreme Court's decision

to weaken the Voting Rights Act.

For instance, since 2011,
seven states have curtailed

early voting, and 13 have added
requirements that voters

show some kind of ID
at the polls.

And the lawmakers pushing
those voter ID laws claimed

they are just simple,
commonsense measures.

- It is common sense that
you would use picture ID

to protect the integrity
of the voting process.

- It's an ID.

Everyone has an ID.

The people that are homeless,
the people that go to vote,

they get sick,
they go to the hospital,

they buy...they buy stuff,
they need IDs.

- I'm proud that
North Carolina has joined

the 34 other states to enact
a commonsense voter ID law

that--that isn't going to impact
a significant amount

of North Carolinians.

- Oh, it's not going to
impact a "significant number"

of North Carolinians?

Well, that's fine.

Although by that
standard, you could also say,

"We're going to incinerate
everyone named Warren."

That's--that's not a
"significant number" of people,

but you are gonna have
a pretty justifiably upset

Warren Beatty on your hands.

That law is "significant"
to him.

Because not everyone
actually does have ID.

In Texas alone, at least
half a million registered voters

do not have the form of ID
necessary to vote.

North Carolina and Wisconsin
have roughly 300,000 voters

apiece with neither a driver's
license nor a state ID.

And in Virginia, an estimated


And if you think about it,
you probably know

at least one person
who doesn't have an ID,

whether it's your grandma
who had her license taken away,

your recluse uncle who
rollerblades everywhere,

or your cousin who lost his
license after his third DUI.

Come on, Jace, you can't fool
a breathalyzer by whispering

the word "sober" into it.

And--and even if you try
to obtain an ID

just in order to vote,
it can be difficult.

Listen to what a
Pennsylvania woman went through

when her state's ID law
was in effect.

announcer: 68-year-old
Doris Clarke was turned down

three times applying for
her Pennsylvania voter ID card.

And every time, she says, the
state wanted another document:

original birth certificate,
original social security card,

then she needed her husband's
death certificate

when a clerk demanded proof
of her married name.

- You feel like, why am I going
through all these things?

I'm not Bin Laden's wife.

- Wait.

Bin Laden's wife?

That is a strange way
to frame it.

Why not say Osama Bin Laden was
Amal al-Sadah's husband,

or Siham Sabar's husband,

or Khairiah Sabar's husband.

#OsamaBinLaden, #Feminism.

[laughs]
And yet--and yet,

none of these difficulties
seemed to trouble

legislators like
Wisconsin's Joel Kleefisch,

who argued for a strict ID law

by pointing out his state's
photo ID requirement

to buy Sudafed.

- I find it frustrating

that so many of the same people
who today

are telling us that a photo ID
is just too gosh darned much

to maintain the
integrity of the ballot,

and those same people
two sessions ago

made sure--those same people,
many of the same people

in this room, made sure
two sessions ago

that you had to have a photo ID
to buy stuffy nose medicine.

- Okay.
Okay.

Couple of things there.

First, that bill was designed
to help curtail

Wisconsin's meth problem,
and second, voting is a right.

If you take it away,
you ruin democracy.

If you take away
someone's Sudafed,

the only thing you'll ruin
is their sleeve.

And in some parts
of the country,

the offices that issue IDs
are hardly ever open.

In 2012, a study found that
in Wisconsin, Alabama,

and Mississippi, fewer than half
of all ID-issuing offices

in the state are open
five days a week.

And in Sauk City, Wisconsin,
just a few districts over

from where that business-casual
Kevin Smith lives,

the ID office is only open
on the fifth Wednesday

of every month,
and only four months

in 2016 even have
five Wednesdays.

Oh, but don't worry,
there's a rhyme.

March, June, August, November
have five Wednesdays,

but remember,
if you come on days not those,

f*ck yourself,
they're f*cking closed.

[laughter, cheers, and applause]

Every first grader in Wisconsin
gets taught that one.

We should also mention that
studies have shown

these restrictions tend to
disproportionately impact

African-American
and Latino voters.

In Texas, for instance,
experts found

that African-American
voters were nearly twice

as likely to lack voter ID,
and Latinos were

nearly two and a half times
as likely.

It's just one of those things
that white people

seem to be more likely to have,

like a sunburn
or an Oscar nomination.

So--so why are we doing this?

If you listen to the legislators
who helped pass these laws,

they'll say that they are
necessary to prevent fraud.

Here is a cosponsor of Texas's
voter ID law, Debbie Riddle.

- The very freedom of
our nation is based

on the integrity
of our ballot box.

And if things are so lax

that--that fraudulent voting
can--can occur,

that means your vote
can be stolen.

And simply showing
an identification

is not too much to ask.

- Are you sure
about that, though?

Don't eat fish on the subway
is not too much to ask.

Never start a Facebook status
with "That moment when..."

is not too much to ask.

Requiring ID can actually be
asking a lot.

And as for fraudulent elections,
let's look at that for a moment.

Because while American history
is littered

with vote buying,
vote tampering,

and ballot box stuffing,

voter ID doesn't prevent
those crimes.

The only crime it prevents
is voter impersonation--

one person showing
up to the polls

pretending to be someone
they're not--

which is a pretty stupid crime,

because you have to
stand in line

at a polling place
and risk five years in prison

and a $10,000 fine
all to cast one probably not

consequential extra vote.

In terms of pointless crimes,
it's right up there

with forging
a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon.

It's a lot of trouble
with low reward.

And yet, people insist
that this happens a lot.

- Without photo ID,
what do you fear could happen?

- Well, without photo ID,
I mean, let's be clear.

I don't want dead people
voting in the state

of South Carolina.

I've said that
from the very beginning.

man: And authorities say
there is evidence

that dead people voting
is a real problem,

according to a statewide
investigation

by South Carolina's
Department of Motor Vehicles.

In January, it found that 953
ballots were cast by voters

who were deceased.

- Now, that's true.

The DMV did say that.

And the study caused
such a stir

that one lawmaker stated:

And look.
He's right.

He's right.

No one wants that except
possibly for upstart candidate,

Phillip Brains.

But--but when the state's
law enforcement division

investigated the DMV's claims,
it found no real basis for them.

In fact, of the prior election's


where someone

had the same name
as a deceased voter,

usually a father and son.


where the social security number

of a living voter
was mistakenly matched

with a dead person.



Uh, one person requested
an absentee ballot,

completed it, and then died
while it was in the mail.

And most of the others
were an array

of random clerical errors.

Altogether, the investigation
found five ballots

that could not be accounted for.

This is an election
where more than 1.3 million

votes were cast.

These voter ID laws
are the biggest overreaction

to a manageable problem
since Sleeping Beauty's father

ordered all the spinning wheels
in the land to be burned.

This is an agrarian economy.

We need those wheels.

Why don't you just
watch your daughter

for literally one day
in her f*cking life?

One day!

One day!

[cheers and applause]

The--the truth here is,

voter impersonation fraud is
incredibly rare.

One researcher
who tracked it closely

found that from 2000 to 2014,
there were 31 possible incidents

in the entire country out of
over a billion ballots cast.

Voter fraud is
a problem the way

that deadly knife play
from crabs is a problem.

I'm not saying
it doesn't exist.

There are cases
where it has happened.

But let's not overreact
to one stabby crab.

But--but these laws do actually
tend to make a little more sense

whenever you see someone
slip up and suggest

other reasons for why
they may support them.

- Voter ID, which is gonna
allow Governor Romney

to win the state of
Pennsylvania, done.

- Do you think all the attention
drawn to voter ID

affected last year's elections?

- Uh, yeah,
I think a little bit.

I think we probably had
a better election.

Think about this.

We cut Obama by 5%,
uh, which was big.

You know, a lot of people
lost sight of that.

He--he won.
He beat McCain by 10%.

He only beat, uh, Romney by 5%.

I think that probably photo ID
had a--helped a bit in that.

- Oh, no.

You're saying the thing
that everyone knows,

but you're not supposed
to say out loud.

That's like writing,
"I'm desperate to bone,"

on an online dating profile,

or a band calling
their reunion tour

"We Ran Out of Money."

But--but perhaps
the most galling thing here

is that there are actual
cases of voter impersonation

caught on camera,

and you will never believe
where they happen.

woman: This is state
representative Debbie Riddle.

She authored the bill
that would require voters

to show a photo ID.

man: Clerk, ring the bell.
It's a record vote.

- It's all about integrity.
- It's a record vote.

woman: But the integrity
of one person, one vote

doesn't apply
at the legislature.

We found many lawmakers
vote more than once.

[bell dings]

Take a look.

Riddle votes,
turns around,

votes again for
state rep Kuempel.

Rewind and watch
the men on the screen.

Elkins goes to vote
for Merritt,

but Hancock is faster.

Elkins heads back to his desk,

but before he can vote,

Joe Crabb turns around
and beats him to it.

- Holy shit!

They are literally
competing to press

other people's voting buttons.

And remember, this is Texas,

which has the strictest
ID laws in the country.

And apparently this process
is called ghost voting,

and it happens
in state legislatures

all over the country.

And sometimes, they involve
literal ghost votes.

One lawmaker in Texas died,
and was recorded

voting three times
later that day.

Which is clearly ridiculous.

A real ghost wouldn't
waste its time voting on bills.

It would be out terrorizing
a young family

in their new house
or trying desperately

to bang Demi Moore on
a pottery wheel one last time.

And--and Debbie Riddle
is not the only

voter ID proponent
who has done this.

Remember Wisconsin's
Joel Kleefisch?

I mean, there is--there is
no way that he got caught

doing it, right?

woman: A cell phone video
posted online

shows Kleefisch placing a vote
for an absent assembly member.

Kleefisch says the online video
is an attempt

at character assassination.

- Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not character
assassination.

It's unedited footage
of something you obviously did.

If anything, that is character
autoerotic asphyxiation.

And--and law--lawmakers
in Tennessee

are so shameless about this,

they've got the whole thing
down to a fine art.

woman: It's such a common
practice in the house, in fact,

that many lawmakers have sticks
they use

to reach each other's
voting buttons.

- Look.

If you are going to
pervert democracy,

could you at least do it
with a less creepy stick?

That looks like what
an evil leprechaun would use

to beat a child.

And yet whenever legislators
like Debbie Riddle

are asked about this
actual voter impersonation,

they say they've done
nothing wrong

and are only acting
out of necessity.

- We have a lot of votes.

We have a lot of amendments.

And there's times when
we don't break for lunch,

and we don't break for dinner.

We don't have bathroom breaks.

- Okay, well, quick suggestion,
have you considered

getting some extra-long
voting sticks?

They tend to help.

You know what?

At this point, I would like
to propose something.

Any politician who has
ever supported

an unnecessary voter ID law
should be forced

to obtain a new ID
every single time

they want to pass a bill,

just to make sure
they are who they say they are.

And yes, they might say,
"Well, John, that's ridiculous.

"There's no real reason
to make us do that.

"And it's so cumbersome,
it could prevent us

from engaging
in the democratic process."

To which I would say,
"Welcome to the f*cking club."

And now, this.

- [clears throat]
- How are ya?

- Great.
- Uh, nice to see you.

We've got some breaking news
out of Egypt.

Parts of that country
are blowing up today.

- Rain, rain, go away.

I think we're all shouting that
this morning.

I know it sounds cliché,

but the streets are
virtually rivers.

- Coming up,

five dead in Las Vegas.

woman: Potholes in Minneapolis
are sending people

to the hospital.

- It's great to see you all.

- Hey, thanks for having us.
- Thank you.

- [laughs]
Coming up,

it's happened once again,

a high school student shot dead.

- All right, Elaine,
thank you.

No letup in the tug-of-w*r--
that's good, Nora.

No letup in the tug-of-w*r
over a little boy

with brain cancer.

- North Carolina police
arrested a suspect

in the death of a pregnant
Fort Bragg soldier.

- That's the first time
a federal appeals court

has struck down a state's ban
on same-sex marriage?

Is that right?

- [chuckles]
You said it, Kristen.

- And finally tonight,
New Zealand,

Australia's Chia Pet.

We've talked a lot
about New Zealand on this show

in the last couple of years--

from their ridiculous
prime minister, John Key,

to the public competition
to design a new flag

featuring these actual entries.

We've talked about them
so much,

we were gonna have a moratorium
on discussing New Zealand

on this show
until this happened.

- Protests at Waitangi against
the Trans-Pacific Partnership

reached climax today when
economic development minister

Steven Joyce was hit in the face
with a sex toy.

man:
Without the prime minister,

there was meant to be no drama.

But then, this.

Yes, that is what you think
it is--

Steven Joyce hit
with a sex toy.

[laughter and applause]

- Step aside, "Citizen Kane."

There is a new
greatest film in town.

And listen,
while the slow motion footage

is undeniably funny,
it's actually not as funny

as the natural sound of it
bouncing off his nose.

Take a listen.

- We always take something away
from every meeting we have.

Oh.

[laughter]

- I think--

I think my--my favorite part
of that

is his unruffled surprise
at being hit

in the face with a dildo,

as if it either happens to him
all the time,

or at the very least,
he anticipated it would

inevitably happen someday.

And to New Zealand's credit,
the woman who threw that toy

was not charged with anything.

This is her face
as she was led away.

She does not look sorry.

And if you threw something
at a politician in this country,

you'd be dead before
the dildo hit the ground.

Also, New Zealand's media
has taken to calling

Steven Joyce "Dildo Baggins,"

a play on words...
[smooches]

Which, frankly,

should be awarded
the Nobel Prize for Literature.

And yet, we were still
reluctant to cover this story

until incredibly,
our hand was forced.

- Even Mr. Joyce
saw the funny side,

taking to Twitter
and jokingly encouraging

someone to send the footage
to American comedian

John Oliver so,
"We can get it over with."

- It's true.
This is his tweet.

And you know what?
You know what, Steven Joyce?

You're right.
You're right.

[cheers and applause]

This--this was inevitable,
Steven Joyce,

as inevitable as
a large, floppy rubber cock

smacking you in the face.

So let's, in your words,
"get this over with."

Although, I think we both know
this will never be over for you.

Your entire life will now
be viewed

through a dildonic prism.

For instance, this seemingly
innocuous tweet

you sent last month
of vegetables from your garden.

You want to know what people
picture when they see that now?

Dildos, Joyce.

Freshly harvested dildos.

Also, let's all agree
New Zealand's flag debate

should now be over.

Because if you want an image
that sums up

everything great
about New Zealand,

this is the flag right here.

What Olympic team
would not be proud

to march beneath that?

And--and we didn't just mock
that up, New Zealand.

We got one made
and sent it to your country

and gave it to one of your
greatest sons, Peter Jackson.

And if you don't believe me,
watch this.

- Hey, John.

This is Peter Jackson
down here in New Zealand.

What do you think
of the new dildo flag?

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

What do you think, John?
The people have spoken.

Once again, New Zealand
punches above its weight.

- Indeed you have, New Zealand.

But guess what?
We're not even done yet.

'Cause if you're gonna
try and bait me, Joyce,

into a response,
prepare for the nuclear option.

I present to you
a choir singing about

your dildo incident to the tune
of the "Hallelujah Chorus."

all:
♪ It's a dildo

♪ Giant dildo

♪ There's a dildo,
yes, a dildo ♪

♪ A flying dildo

♪ It's a dildo

- Yes, is this what you wanted,
Steven Joyce?

Is this what you wanted?

Careful what you wish for,

'cause we have
flying dildos for you.

And it doesn't get
higher production than that.

choir: ♪ It's a dildo
- That's our show.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

We'll see you next week.

Good night!

[cheers and applause]

all: ♪ It's a dildo,
it's a dildo ♪

♪ Into his head

♪ That dildo,
that dildo ♪

♪

[bright tone]