03x02 - Abortion in the United States

[bunniefuu]

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[upbeat rock music]

♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

Just time for a quick recap
of the week,

and we begin tonight
in South Carolina,

home of ancestors

that you may not want to look up
on ancestry.com.

South Carolina held their
Republican primary last night,

and Donald Trump won big,

which was
all the more impressive

considering what had happened
earlier in the week.

- Donald Trump is now in
a very nasty feud with the pope.

Sciutto: Here's what Francis
had to say.

I'm quoting here:

- Yes, this week
saw a battle

between an infallible force
and an illogical object,

and it was amazing.

The most inclusive pope
in recent history

questioned Trump's faith,

which, I guess, means the pope
feels Donald Trump

is not my Christian.

[cheers and applause]

And yet--
and yet Trump still won.

He still won,

although perhaps
the even bigger news last night

was what South Carolina
did to Jeb Bush,

the side of plain white rice
that nobody ordered.

Jeb Bush dropped out last night
after finishing fourth,

despite really pulling out
all the stops

in South Carolina this week.

Berman: Barbara Bush
appearing with son Jeb Bush

on the campaign trail.

Is she the closer?

- No.
[laughter]

No.

She could not be the closer.

You bring on the closer
when you have a lead.

When your campaign
is where Jeb Bush's was,

you don't need a closer;
you need a f*cking coroner.

And, look, I--I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but I kind of feel bad
for Jeb Bush,

because not only
did he bring his mom along

to help him campaign;

just wait until you hear
what she said about him.

- What's left for me to say

is that Jeb has been
a great son,

great father,
great husband,

married well...

[laughter]

And is one
of my four favorite sons.

- Ooh, no!
[audience exclaiming]

[applause]
No! Look.

I know--I know she's joking,

but that is literally
what you say

about your fourth favorite son.

She actually went on
to call him

"steady, honest,
modest, and kind."

And his campaign was over
right then and there,

because you know you've lost

when your own mother
is selling you to America

like an unappealing blind date.

"He's steady. He's modest.
He has a pet mouse.

"Honestly, he hasn't been
with a woman in a long time,

and he really needs this,
please."

So--so let--let's move on to the
other big news here this week,

the Supreme Court,
the only thing that rules more

than a crab
with a knife in its claw.

[laughter]

You rule, stabby crabby.
You rule.

[laughter]

Now, as we discussed
last week,

the Republicans
are saying they won't confirm

a replacement
for Antonin Scalia

and spent this week refining
their explanation for why,

starting within hours
of Scalia's death.

- Well, we have


of not confirming Supreme Court
justices in an election year.

- Okay, 80 years

of not confirming Supreme Court
justices in election years.

The problem there,
aside from the fact

that America
is more than 80 years old,

is, he is forgetting
Justice Kennedy,

who was confirmed in 1988,

although, in his defense,
it is easy to forget that.

We confirmed
a lot of things that year,

including the fact
that Rick Astley

will neither give you up
nor let you down

and that it's possible
to produce

a crowd-pleasing blockbuster

in which a grown woman
fucks a 13-year-old boy.

[laughter and applause]

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

He didn't look 13?

Listen to yourselves!

[laughter]

Luckily, by Monday,
others were aware

of this little factual problem
and had some--

uh, they've made
some corrections.

- Well, it's been more
than 80 years--

I think about that long--

uh, since somebody was nominated
in the president's last year.

- Okay,
so more than 80 years

since someone was nominated
in a president's last year.

That does get rid of Kennedy,

who was nominated
in the previous year.

Unfortunately, it then lets in
Fortas and Thornberry,

both nominated to Supreme Court
positions in 1968,

which, mathematically,
unhelpfully,

is less than 80 years ago.

And when you're off
by 32 years,

you're off
by an entire Adam Driver.

Still, still, still,

neither of them
wound up being confirmed

in an election year,

which Ted Cruz
undoubtedly had in his head

when he took another swing
at that same argument.

- For the last 80 years,
the Senate has not confirmed

any nominee nominated
during an election year.

- Wow, that's intricate.
[laughter]

For 80 years, the Senate
has not confirmed any nominee

nominated in an election year,

and that is so close
to being true.

Unfortunately...
[laughter and applause]

Unfortunately...
[cheers and applause]

It ignores Justice Brennan,
nominated in 1956,

and Justice Murphy,
nominated and confirmed in 1940.

So even by your own
arbitrary 80-year time frame,

there are between
one and five exceptions

to your own precedent.

You're basically
a baker going,

"Oh, don't worry.
There are no nuts in that...

"Except for walnuts, cashews,

"almonds, peanuts,
and the stray pistachio.

Shit.
I'll get my EpiPen."

[laughter]

Now, to be fair
to Republican lawmakers,

they were under
increasing pressure

not to capitulate
this week,

when a group called
the Judicial Crisis Network

started releasing ads
targeting them.

woman: It's "we the people."

Sometimes the politicians
forget that.

The Supreme Court
has a vacancy,

and your vote in November
is your only voice.

This isn't about
Republicans or Democrats.

It's about your voice.

You choose the next president.

The next president
chooses the next justice.

- No.

The current president
chooses the next justice.

We still have a current
president that we chose.

And I--I hate--I hate
to sound like your dad here--

[cheers and applause]
I hate to sound like your dad,

but you can't open
a new president

when we've got a perfectly good
president already open.

Finish the old president first!

[laughter]

But we--we thought--
we actually thought

something looked
a little odd about that ad,

so we checked, and it turns out
that the people in it

are not actual people;
they are stock footage people.

Here is
the construction worker,

whose clip
is available for $199.

Here is "Adorable African-
American Family Portrait,"

and here's "Asian Family
In Front of Home, Portrait."

And if you are going
to use stock clips,

there are so many more
interesting ones out there.

How about this footage of a man

creepily listening
to a dangerous seashell?

Or this frankly bizarre clip

of businesspeople
congratulating each other

while an emotionless
serial k*ller

stares you down
in the foreground?

Or this one,
whose actual title is

"Skeleton Disagrees
With His Wife About the Issue"?

That's real.

All of those clips
are available,

and that is the problem.

If you use stock footage
for a "we the people" ad,

anyone can use
those exact same people

to make
the exact opposite point.

[laughter]

Please enjoy.
[laughter and applause]

woman: We are
the American people,

and we deserve
to have our voices heard,

whether we are
construction workers,

a generic Asian family,

a team of doctors laughing
over your cancer diagnosis,

an unattended baby
surrounded by pigeons,

or a baboon on a cell phone.

And the good news for us is,

we had our voices heard
three years ago.

So now it's time to let the guy
we chose choose someone,

because that's
how America works.

So please respect
the will of the people,

whether we're a businessman
on a swing,

a witch who appreciates
the magic of autumn,

or, again, a baboon
on a cell phone

who is now relaying a message.

The point is, we the people
want you the politicians

to do your f*cking job.

[cheers and applause]

- Now, that
is a political ad.

And now this.

man: And now
"Last Week Tonight" asks,

"How is this still a thing?"

This week,
Hollywood whitewashing.

How is this still a thing?

In just one week, we'll
celebrate the Academy Awards.

They promise
to be controversial,

as, for the second year
running,

the nominees are whiter

than a yeti in a snowstorm

fighting Tilda Swinton.

And yet some are arguing

it's not entirely
the Academy's fault.

- Some observers say
Hollywood just doesn't provide

enough good roles
for black actors.

man: One of the reasons
for this might be

that even when there are roles
for nonwhite actors,

they sometimes still get played
by white people.

woman: In "Prince of Persia,"

based on a video game
set in ancient Iran,

Jake Gyllenhaal plays
the title character.

man: That's right.

Jake Gyllenhaal,
a white American

with a Swedish last name,

was cast to play
the prince of Persia

from, you know, Persia.

And he's far from alone.

Just last year,
Emma Stone

played
the half-Asian Allison Ng

in "Aloha."

- [speaks foreign language]

man: Apparently "aloha"
means "hello," "good-bye,"

and "you've got to be
f*cking kidding me."

And when Hollywood needed
actors to play Egyptians

in "Exodus: Gods and Kings,"

it knew just what to do.

man: Moses, Ramses,

you grew up together
close as brothers.

man: That was a guy
from Australia

and a guy from Britain

pretending to be
two guys from Egypt,

a country in Africa.

and if you like that,

don't miss "Gods of Egypt"
opening Friday,

starring a Scottish guy.

- I shall be
your one true god.

man: Wow, that's the whitest
Egyptian since these four.

- ♪ Walk like an Egyptian

man: All of this
is nothing new.

White actors have taken roles
designed for every ethnicity

throughout Hollywood history,

from John Wayne as Genghis Khan
in "The Conqueror"...

- Your treacherous head
is not safe on your shoulders.

man: To the non-Puerto Rican
Natalie Wood

as Maria
in "West Side Story"...

- Buenos noches.

man: To the multiple instances

of white actors
playing Asian characters,

from Marlon Brando...

- Sakini by name,

interpreter
by profession.

[exotic music]

man: To, of course, this.

- You cannot go on
and keep ringing my bell!

man: It's a performance
"The New York Times" in 1961

actually praised
as "broadly exotic."

Seriously.

Yes, there's no shortage
of roles

for white actors playing
nonwhite characters.

The historical figure
you're playing wasn't white?

Not a problem.

The contemporary figure
you're playing wasn't white?

Not a problem.

The cartoon
the movie was based on

was entirely about
nonwhite people?

Not a problem.

Your characters are named
Esteban and Clara Trueba

in the Isabel Allende novel
the movie is based on?

Right this way,
Jeremy Irons and Meryl Streep.

And even when a nonwhite
person does score a major role,

when they make the porn parody,

guess what happens.

- Don't worry. I got this one.

- No, Glenn.

Put your d*ck away.

man: And when filmmakers
get called out on whitewashing,

the justification has less
to do with black and white

and more to do with green.

man: Director Ridley Scott

told "Variety" magazine

he can't mount
a $140-million film

"and say that my lead actor

is Mohammed so-and-so
from such and such."

man: Yeah, you needed
the white hot star power

of whoever the f*ck
this guy is.

And maybe all of this
would be less egregious

if any time an actor of color

took on a traditionally
white role,

half the country
didn't go apeshit.

- The appearance
of a black stormtrooper

in the first trailer for
"Star Wars: The Force Awakens"

is causing a lot of chatter
on social media,

even some r*cist comments.

- Several people
were apparently upset

that the actress playing the
character is African-American.

man: He'd be
the first black Bond.

The author of those Bond novels
saying Elba is too "street."

man: Yes, if you're black,
even if you're an actor

who sometimes dresses
like French Waldo,

people will still say
you're too street.

And this isn't
even getting into

how movies about minorities

will still put white people
in the foreground.

How are we supposed to believe
Tom Cruise is the last samurai?

This guy
is the last samurai?

This guy?

This guy
is the last samurai?

This guy?

This guy
is the last samurai?

f*ck you.

So when you hear people
say the Oscars are so white

because the roles aren't there,
just remember,

the Academy gave Oscars
for characters named O-lan,

Billy Quan,
and Luis Molina

to actors named Luise,
Linda, and William,

all of which is enough
to make you ask,

"Hollywood whitewashing,
how is this still a thing?"

[cheers and applause]

- Moving on.

Our, uh--our main story tonight
concerns breast implants.

Uh, some are against them;

others believe they're fine
in rare cases;

and many believe
you should be able to get them

whenever the f*ck you want.

[laughter and cheers]

Sorry, did I say
breast implants?

I meant abortions.

Tonight's main topic...
[cheers and applause]

Concerns abortions.

And, look, before--before
you change the channel,

before you change the channel,

I know this is
a polarizing topic,

although, interestingly,
when the website Vox

asked people in the street
for their opinions,

the issue wasn't quite as binary
as it's usually presented.

- If I had to pick,
I would say that I'm pro-choice.

But personally I'm more on a--
on a--somewhere in the middle.

- I wouldn't, but I can't choose
for other people.

- I'm--what do you call it?
Uh, pro-life.

I think when
a baby gets a heartbeat,

that should be the cutoff point,
but that's just my stance.

I'm not the kind of guy like

I want everyone
to follow my stance.

- Okay, well, not needing anyone
to follow your stance

is a healthy attitude
to abortion,

and it's also
a terrible attitude

with which
to lead the Rockettes.

You do you, Bethany.
You do you, girl.

[laughter]
You do you.

The truth is,

people's opinions on abortion
make up a spectrum,

but most of us believe
it should be legal

in at least a few circumstances.

In fact, only 19% of Americans
told Gallup

they thought it should be
completely illegal.

And if you are in that 19%,

you are frankly excused
from watching the rest of this.

But--but--but do rejoin us
at 11:29,

because once
I'm done talking about this,

we'll all be watching a video
featuring a bucket of sloths.

And--and I promise you, it is
almost violently delightful.

[laughter]

But until that time,

the rest of us really do need
to talk about abortion laws,

because wherever you are
on this spectrum,

whether you, like me,
believe that women

should have the right to choose,
or whether you believe abortion

should only be allowed
in a few circumstances,

then this story
should concern you,

and here is why.

Since 2010, new state laws
have contributed

to the closure
of about 70 abortion clinics,

and these four states

are down to exactly
one abortion clinic each.

That's right, Mississippi now
has four times as many esses

as it has abortion clinics.

And if you're thinking,
"How is that possible?"

well, it's in no small part

because the key Supreme Court
decision concerning abortion

is no longer Roe versus Wade;

it's the 1992 Planned Parenthood
versus Casey ruling

that said states
can create restrictions

as long as they don't place

"an undue burden that places
a substantial obstacle

in the path of a woman
seeking an abortion,"

meaning women can be asked
to jump through a few hoops,

just not too many,

which might sound
a little less insulting

if those weren't also the rules
for a dog agility course.

[laughter]

And the vagueness of that ruling

has allowed states
to introduce dozens

of what some
have called TRAP laws,

or Targeted Regulation
of Abortion Providers,

though their supporters,
to an eerie degree,

all characterize them
somewhat differently.

- This is really about
the issue of women's health.

- We're protecting women's
health and safety.

- We are protecting
women's health.

- I just wanted to reiterate
that this is really

all about protecting the health
and safety of women.

- Yeah, but when you're that
insistent about women's health,

it starts to sound suspicious.

It's like having a folder
on your computer

called "Definitely not porn."

[laughter]
You're not fooling anyone.

You're asking more questions
than you're answering.

So--so--so let's take a look

at what these laws actually do
for women's health,

starting with Texas's HB 2,

which passed in 2013
and had two key stipulations.

man: It requires
abortion clinics

to meet the same
building standards

as outpatient surgical centers
and requires their doctors

to have hospital
admitting privileges.

- Okay, now,
hospital admitting privileges

and high building standards
sound great,

until you realize
what they actually mean,

sort of how "Moondance"
sounds like

a lovely night
of romance and whimsy

but really means
"having sex with Van Morrison."

And that's not
what you signed up for.

Because the outpatient
surgical center requirement

can be difficult to fulfill,

as this Texas clinic
discovered.

- Explain again why
it's gonna be shut down.

Because this isn't
wide enough?

- Yeah, 'cause right now,
the walls that we have,

they're about 3 feet wide,

and to be an ASC,
it has to be 8 feet wide.

- Now, I'm not saying
width isn't important.

In fact,
in some circumstances,

it's far more important
than length...

is a thing that I have heard.

[laughter and applause]

Penises.
I'm talking about penises.

But--but that


is wide enough
for two surgical gurneys

to pass one another
in a corridor,

which is just not something
that is likely to happen

at a small abortion clinic.

About 90% of abortions
occur in the first trimester,

when they are generally
nonsurgical procedures

with no cutting
and only mild sedation.

They usually involve suction
or just taking medication,

neither of which require
a large surgical facility.

You don't need an operating room
to take a pill,

which is a good thing,
because you wouldn't want

an entire surgical team
scrubbing in

every time Larry King
needed a boner.

[laughter]

They'll get tired.

And--and as for Texas's law

that doctors have admitting
privileges at a local hospital,

a requirement ten other states
have also passed,

that can shut a clinic down,
because many hospitals,

for financial
or political reasons,

won't grant them to a doctor
who performs abortions.

And, again,
defenders of these laws

will say they have
a simple purpose.

- By requiring that
abortionists obtain

admitting privileges
at local hospitals,

we are protecting
women's health.

- Yeah,
but are you, though?

Because it's worth noting
both the AMA

and the American College of
Obstetricians and Gynecologists

have argued "there is
simply no medical basis

for requiring
local admitting privileges,"

which does make sense,

because hospitals
will see anyone.

They'll see you
if you've gotten

an Elmo PEZ Dispenser
stuck in your butt.

They'll have questions for you,
but they will see you.

They'll see you,
they'll question you,

and later,
they may laugh at you.

And--and while we are
on the subject of safety,

legal abortions have
a mortality rate of 0.00073%.

That is nearly ten times less

than what one study found
was the risk for dying

as the result of a colonoscopy.

And let's agree,
by the way, all of us,

death by colonoscopy has to be
one of the worst ways to die,

right after having your mother
catch you masturbating

and, while you're trying
to pull your pants up,

you fall and hit your head

so your dad has to carry you
pantsless to the car

to take you to the hospital

and the girl next door you have
a crush on tries to help

but she's laughing so hard
at the size of your penis

that she closes the door
on your hand,

startling your mother,
who slams her foot on the gas,

dragging you behind the car
for several blocks

while your father yells,
"Your TV show is derivative,

and you'll never escape
the shadow of Jon Stewart."

That's--
[cheers and applause]

That's--
that's what we're all--

that's what
we're all afraid of, right?

That's what we're all pretty--

That's right.
That's a general fear.

And--and look.

If admitting privileges

are so important
for continuity of care,

it is weird that you
don't need them in Texas

to run a birthing center,

even though one study
found that 12% of women

admitted to birthing centers

wound up being transferred
to a hospital.

So Texas will shut down
an abortion clinic

for having walls
too close together,

but if you want
to give birth in a tub

surrounded by
mood lighting, potpourri,

and the music of Bon Iver,

no one will say anything
other than,

"Just take it down a notch."

[laughter]

And proponents of these laws

will point
to a few notorious cases,

like the clinic run by
Kermit Gosnell in Pennsylvania,

who wound up
being convicted of m*rder,

although, for the record,

his clinic had not been
inspected for 17 years,

which it absolutely
should have been.

They didn't need new laws

so much as they needed to bother
to enforce the ones they had.

Putting absurd new restrictions
on all clinics

because of Kermit Gosnell

is like seeing that photo
of a Taco Bell employee

licking the food and saying,

"Okay, all restaurants
have to have corridors

that are 8 feet wide."

What?
Hold on.

That's gonna shut down

most of the restaurants
in the country,

and you've done nothing to
address the root problem here.

And--and some of these laws
have nothing whatsoever

to do with clinic safety,

like the ones that force doctors
like Willie Parker

to actively spread
misinformation.

- The state requires me

to cover some very basic
information with you.

First, the state
requires me to tell you

that if you're having
an abortion,

there's the possibility
to having complications.

There's a risk of bleeding.
There's a risk of infection.

There's a risk of damage
to any of your organs.

But guess what.

Those are all
the exact same risks

from continuing a pregnancy
and going to term.

The final thing
that I have to tell you

that I don't agree with
but I have to tell you anyway:

having an abortion can increase
your risk for breast cancer.

There is not a shred
of scientific evidence

to prove that.

They can require me
to tell you the first part,

but they--
they can't stop me

from giving you
my best medical opinion,

and that is that
there's no increased risk

for breast cancer
from an abortion.

[laughter and cheers]

- It--it must be so weird--

It must be--
[cheers and applause]

It must be weird for a woman to
witness her medical professional

forced to play a game
of "good doctor, bad doctor."

"Okay, time
for your tetanus booster."

"No! Those cause autism!"

"Well, there's not a shred

"of scientific evidence
to prove that.

Bad doctor.
Bad, bad doctor."

In addition, some states
have passed laws

requiring providers to show
and describe an ultrasound image

whether a woman
wants to see that or not.

And when North Carolina
was defending such a law,

this was how they
attempted to soften that.

woman: The proposed law
says if a woman wishes

not to see the ultrasound
or hear the fetal heartbeat,

she may cover her ears and eyes
and refuse to listen.

woman: Oh, my God.

- Oh, great.

So North Carolina
tried to give women

viewing ultrasounds
the same option

as women trying to watch
John Travolta's performance

in the new O.J. Simpson show.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
What is he doing?

Ah, does he think
Robert Shapiro

was a sad clown
in a Baz Luhrmann movie?

I didn't want to watch this!
Why are you making me?

[laughter]

And some other clinics
enter into a bureaucratic w*r

as a result of these laws.

Take this clinic in Alabama.

It was shut down
after not being able to meet

the new building codes
Alabama had forced upon it.

But instead of giving up,

the owner cashed in
his retirement savings

to open a new facility

that complied completely
with the law,

and that is when Alabama
started targeting him directly.

Johnson: I've spent
close to $1 million

to meet all
of their requirements.

And you think you're done,
and what are they trying to do?

They're trying
to pass another bill

that said I can't be
in 2,000 feet of a school.

They're treating me,
the patients,

the physicians
as sex offenders.

- Wha--they're--

they're treating someone
like a sex offender

when he clearly isn't one.

It's a move
that's now commonly known

as a "reverse Cosby."

And--and look.
[laughter and applause]

And look.
If you are thinking,

if you are thinking, "But, John,
when a clinic closes,

can't women
just travel further?"

you should know there are
now mandatory waiting periods

in 27 states,
some up to 72 hours

between an initial consult
and an abortion.

So women can be forced
to either take multiple trips

or plan the shittiest
three-day weekend imaginable.

And if that's not possible,

they can end up
making desperate decisions.

Listen to one
clinic administrator

describe a call
from a patient.

- I told her, "You can come
to San Antonio,

we can help you here,"
and she said,

"I can't. I--
I don't have the means.

"There is no way
I can get to San Antonio.

"So what if I tell you

"what I have
in my kitchen cabinet,

and you tell me
what I could do?"

- "I'll tell you what I have
in my kitchen cabinet,

and you can tell me
what I can do."

When your state's abortion laws
are forcing people

into the most depressing
Quickfire challenge

in "Top Chef" history,

I think it's safe to say
they've gone too f*cking far.

Because here is the thing.

Abortion cannot just be
theoretically legal;

it has to be
literally accessible.

And remember,
every single one of us

watching this right now--
[cheers and applause]

Every--every single one of us
watching right now

agrees that it should be legal,

at the very least
in a few extreme circumstances.

Say, hypothetically,

a young girl has been the victim
of sexual as*ault.

Well, thanks to these laws,

this hypothetical girl might
have to travel a long distance

because there were no clinics
close to her.

And, again,
thanks to these laws,

the girl might be
approaching the point

where her states won't let her
get the procedure at all.

Well, sadly, none of that
is hypothetical,

and I'll let a Texas clinic
director tell you the rest.

- In order to see her,
I need to put her to sleep,

and in order to do that,
I need a nurse anesthetist,

and because of this crazy law,

it is impossible
to find people to work for us.

She's 13 years old,
and she is a victim of r*pe,

and she drove four hours
from McAllen to San Antonio,

and we had to turn her away.

And there was nothing I could do
to save her.

And so now if she has
a procedure--

and that "if" is huge--

she'll have to go all the way
to New Mexico

and pay $5,000
and get there

and spend three days.

It'll never happen.

We know it won't.

- And at that point,

we have sentenced a child
to motherhood.

Now, that specific provider,
Whole Woman's Health,

is actually at the center
of a Supreme Court case

that will be heard next month.

If it's a four-four tie,
the Texas laws stand.

So the best hope
is that Justice Kennedy,

seen here in dog form
straightening his tie,

will see Texas's regulation
as an "undue burden."

This whole situation
is basically in his paws now.

Meanwhile, Florida
is drafting similar TRAP laws,

and the law in Alabama

that would close
that one clinic near a school

will be introduced to committee
later this week.

And if all this
has made you sad or angry,

then you should really
keep an eye on these laws.

And if you don't have a problem
with the current situation,

then, well, it is 11:29.

Welcome back.
Thanks for rejoining us, 19%.

Uh, quick question.

What the f*ck
is wrong with you?

[cheers and applause]
But--but--

No, no, no, no.
You know what?

Know what?
Putting that aside,

I did promise.
I made--I made a promise.

I promised everyone
sloths in a bucket,

and that is
what you are going to see,

although
if you are in that 19%,

I'm gonna have to insist that
you cover your ears and eyes

and refuse to listen.
[cheers and applause]

For everyone else,

it is sloth o'clock.

[laid-back instrumental music]

♪

[laughter]

You are very welcome.

Now, look. I know--
[cheers and applause]

I know this story has not been
the ideal way for anyone

to go to sleep
on a Sunday night,

but we thought
that this was something

you should really know about.

And the only way
that I can make it right

is to give you the absolutely
ideal way to go to sleep:

an actual sloth
in a nightcap.

[cheers and applause]
Here she is.

Thank you so much
for watching the show!

Good night!

There you go.

Good girl.
Good girl.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah.

[laid-back instrumental music]

[unintelligible]

♪

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

♪

[bright tone]