04x02 - Vladimir Putin and Russia–United States relations

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[static drones]

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♪ ♪

- Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And we begin tonight
with President Trump.

Two words that will always
sound unnatural together,

like "fuckable clown"
or "Wolf Blitzer."

And the reason we have to start
with him is,

Trump dominates the news cycle
the way a fart dominates

the interior
of a Volkswagen Beetle.

There is simply no escape
from him.

Now just a case in point:
Last night, Trump held

a pointless rally in Florida,

which got roadblock coverage
across cable news.

And while his speech
was mostly boilerplate Trump--

the media is fake,
Chicago is a nightmare,

I'm the greatest--
there was one thing he said

while warning about the danger
of refugees

that caught people's attention.

- You look at what's happening
last night in Sweden.

Sweden, who would believe this?

Sweden.
They took in large numbers.

They're having problems like
they never thought possible.

- Oh, no!
What happened there?

Did someone blow up
Sweden's most famous landmark,

and if they did, what was it?

There was just one
little problem

with what the president said,

and I think this news clip
sums it up.

- We start this hour
with an urgent plea from Sweden

to the U.S. government, asking,

"What is your president
talking about?"

- Yeah, it turns out
there was no terror attack.

[cheers and applause]
And look.

Just a quick message
to all other countries on Earth.

In the future, you're gonna
find yourself wanting to ask,

"What is your president
talking about?" a great deal,

and the answer is almost always
going to be,

"We have no f*cking idea!"

Now, Trump has since admitted
his comment was in reference

to a story that was broadcast
on Fox News the night before,

concerning immigrants
and Sweden.

So, sifting through
Trump's brain to see why

he said something is now like

examining a shark's stomach
to see what it ate.

"Oh, okay, there's a sea urchin,
a decomposed dolphin skull.

"Oh, a Fox News segment
on Sweden.

"That's what did it!

It stuck in his throat."

So here is where we're at
right now.

Trump can dominate the news
merely by referencing something

that didn't happen in Sweden.

And that is real a shame,
because this week has seen

a great deal
of fascinating stories

go under-covered,
like this one:

- The estranged half brother

of North Korean leader
Kim Jong-un

poisoned as he waited
for a flight.

- That story is both incredible
and not entirely surprising,

because if you're associated
with Kim Jong-un,

your odds of being m*rder*d
are around the same

as if you live in a town
that Jessica Fletcher visits

on "m*rder She Wrote."

Death follows that woman
wherever she goes.

And I'll tell you why.

Because--and this is true--
she's a serial k*ller.

#JESSICAFLETCHERISASERIALKILLER.

But it wasn't so much
who was k*lled

that was surprising
with this story.

It was how.

- One of the two women accused
of carrying out the hit

now says she thought
she was just taking part

in a TV prank show.

Police say the suspect claims
she was paid to convince men

to close their eyes and she
would spray them with water

along with another woman
as part of a gag.

But with the last target,
Kim Jong-nam, police believe

the water was secretly replaced
with deadly poison.

- Holy shit!

That is a really harsh
prank show.

Ah-ha-ha!

You're dead,
and you're a m*rder*r!

I got ya!

Well, actually, she got you,
and we got her.

But still,
you're double-pranked!

There is nothing that is not
fascinating about that story.

But it didn't get the attention
it deserved.

And the same is true
of this incredible story

that you probably missed
from Florida.

- A Florida man behind bars
this morning

accused of plotting
to blow up Target stores

up and down the east coast.

According to
the arresting documents,

the 48-year-old
offered someone $10,000

to put ten bombs on the shelves
inside Target stores,

warning not to let the boxes
bounce around

or they would explode.

His motive?
Authorities say Barnett hoped

the bombings would send
Target stock prices plummeting

so he could buy shares
on the cheap.

- Magnificent.

That story contains
homemade expl*sives,

a big-box store,

an idiotic get-rich-quick
scheme,

and felony charges.

If it somehow also involved
a snake on meth,

you'd have full-on
Florida bingo right there.

And the stories
don't stop there.

You also missed the fact

that British Prime Minster
Theresa May

went to see some children's
Lego robot creations,

and this is the face
that she made.

And if you're thinking,
"Well, hold on, that's unfair.

The camera just caught
a split second there,"

she also made this face
and then this face.

"What is that ghastly
monstrosity, street rat?

"Did you create it
using your imagination?

"I thought we got rid of those
after we Brexited.

Scurry along, rat.
Scurry along."

In any other week,
that face would be

the least diplomatic thing
you'd ever seen in your life,

but this was also a week
when Donald Trump's ambassador

to Somalia presented
that country's president

with a hat reading
"Make Somalia Great Again,"

and Trump himself
took on the fraught

Israeli-Palestinian
two-state solution

in the most casual
possible way.

- Looking at two-state
and one-state,

and I like the one
that both parties like.

I'm very happy with the one
that both parties like.

I can live with either one.

- If I may paraphrase the people
of Sweden for a second:

What the f*ck
are you talking about?

The whole problem is,
the people on each side

who want a one-state solution
generally cannot agree

on what state it should be.

No one's really expecting them
to suddenly say,

"Hey, we agreed on one state,
and it's Peru!

"Shalom!
Salaam alaikum!

Welcome to Peru!"

But that right there
is the problem.

Here we are,
talking about Trump again

because you cannot avoid him.

In the past week alone, Trump...

designated the media as enemies
of the American people,

had his EPA-hating nominee
for head of the EPA confirmed,

lost his nominee
for Labor Secretary

and his National Security
Advisor,

and signed a bill undoing
Barack Obama's protections

for waterways
from coal mining waste,

a signing that he capped off
with this wonderful gesture.

- So, how about we give the pen?
It's a great pen.

How about we give that
to the miners, right?

both: Yeah.
[applause]

- You guys take it
'cause you earned it.

- That's perfect.

Leave it to Trump
to give seven people one pen.

He must just expect them all
to share it,

like some kind of brotherhood
of the traveling pen.

That might be
the laziest instance

of pen gifting I've ever seen.

And I'm very much including
every other time

someone has given a pen
as a gift.

"Oh, great.
An expensive pen.

"It's different than a regular
pen because I get to worry

about losing it
and no other reasons."

But perhaps nothing summed up
Trump's week better

than his batshit crazy
press conference on Thursday,

including this amazing exchange

with an African-American
journalist.

- Are you going to include
the Congressional Black Caucus

and the Congressional
Hispanic Caucus?

- Well, I would.
I tell you what.

Do you want to set up
the meeting?

Do you want
to set up the meeting?

- No, no, no.
I'm just a reporter.

- Are they friends of yours?
Go ahead, set up the meeting.

- The man is incredible.

Because what hits you first
there is the racism of assuming

that all black people
are friends,

and then it's not until later

that you really appreciate
the sexism of thinking

all women are there to perform
secretarial tasks for you.

The guy packs so much
into so little.

In fact, his press conference
was so unhinged that many

of the reporters covering it
had the same initial response.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Wow?

- Yeah, wow.

- Yes, wow indeed.

A presidential press conference
elicited the same reaction

you get from people
who just watched someone

sh**t fireworks out of his ass.

Which, when you think about it,
is actually fitting.

Because whenever Trump speaks,
what is it essentially

other than just random sparks
and flames sputtering noisily

out of a damaged assh*le?

And now this.

male announcer: And now,

"Fox & Friends"
is painfully aware

of who is watching them.

- I know Donald Trump
is watching.

He's up right now
and I imagine watching.

So if you want us to check
your schedule,

see if we have the same one,
Mr. President.

- Donald Trump watches the show.

Tweet us this morning.
Let us know what--

- Yeah, let us know.
- What was going on there?

- If Donald Trump is watching,
tweet us,

and just say we're going
to Mars.

- You know,
Donald Trump watches the show.

You know, Donald Trump
does watch our show.

Donald Trump watches every day.
He's like a groupie.

- I know Donald Trump
is watching.

He probably hasn't heard
about it.

- And we know that Donald Trump
watches the show.

So, Donald, it's more than !sis,
Mr. President-elect.

For example,
Muslim Brotherhood.

Donald Trump is watching.

He doesn't love
when you talk and eat.

- Oh.
I'll be very elegant then.

- I watched this morning
a couple of the network--

and I have to say,
"Fox & Friends,"

in the morning,
they're very honorable people.

- Wow.

- Moving on.

Our main story tonight
concerns Russia.

The country that gave the world
"Tetris,"

merkins you wear on your heads,
and potentially

the 45th President
of the United States.

Now, Russia was at the center
of a major development

in the U.S. this week.

- Michael Flynn resigning

as the U.S.
National Security Advisor.

This coming after reports that
the Justice Department warned

he could be vulnerable
to blackmail

over communications he had
with the Russian ambassador.

- Okay, that's it, everyone.
Check your office pools.

Because if you had
"Communication with Russia"

as the reason the first member

of Trump's inner circle
resigned, you win!

That's a--that's a shame
'cause my money was on

"Never set foot
in a public school"

or "President can't stop seeing
Melissa McCarthy

whenever you speak."

But--but interestingly,
the Flynn debacle

is just the tip of the iceberg
regarding

the Trump administration
and Russia.

There were accusations swirling
around two people involved

in his campaign,
Paul Manafort and Carter Page.

There's the strong evidence
that Russia hacked

the DNC's emails
to influence the election.

And then there's of course
the infamous leaked dossier

alleging serious connections
between Trump

and his associates and Russia,

or as you undoubtedly
remember it,

"The thing about the
urine-fetish Moscow sex party."

And look.
There is no hard proof yet

of direct links between
Trump himself and Russia.

But he does have a weird,
noticeably soft spot

for both the country
and its leader.

- I was in Moscow recently and
I spoke indirectly and directly

with President Putin,
who could not have been nicer.

Putin even sent me a present,
beautiful present

with a beautiful note.

By the way,
it would be great

if we could get along
with Russia,

just so you understand that.

Now tomorrow, you'll say,
"Donald Trump wants

to get along with Russia.
This is terrible."

It's not terrible.
It's good.

- Yeah, I'm not saying
it's terrible.

I'm also not saying
it's good though.

I'm saying it's a bit weird

that you've been objectively
nicer to Vladimir Putin

than you have to Meryl Streep,
who I'm pretty sure

is not an infamous autocrat.

Although, you know what?
Now I say it,

if she tried it, she'd nail it.

The woman is a tour de force.

[cheers and applause]
But the point is...

the point is,
Trump is fixated

on getting along better
with Russia.

So tonight, we thought we'd ask,
what does that actually mean?

What are the chances
of it happening?

And what might we give up
in the process?

And I know that, over here,
we think of Putin

as a cartoon character
who stages photo ops

where he's shirtless on a horse,

or swimming like a dolphin,
or emerging from the sea

like a Bond villain,
or winning a staring contest

with a baby chick,

or quite possibly breaking
a child's arm.

But in Russia, he's not
some comic book villain.

To many, he's a comic book hero.

He's genuinely popular there.

For years, he's even had
his own pop song.

[upbeat techno music]

[women singing in Russian]

♪ ♪

- That song has been stuck
in my head all week,

and I don't even speak Russian!

It's--it's called
"A Man Like Putin"

and it's all about how women
want someone like him.

Although, just think about that
for a second.

'Cause that means they want
a man in his 60s

who has thinning hair
and who's probably about 5'5".

So the man they're saying
they want is essentially

Richard Dreyfuss but mean.

And, you know,
as for all those photo ops,

well, you'd really be surprised
how many Russians

look at those
and take them at face value.

- Earlier this year,
Putin miraculously recovered

two ancient vases
from the bottom of the ocean.

Fortunately,
cameras were on hand

to capture
this historic moment.

- [speaking Russian]

- Oh, come on.

Not only is that
clearly bullshit,

but contrived seaside photo ops
is the same publicity strategy

as Taylor Swift
and Tom Hiddleston.

America had HiddleSwift.

Russia got PutleJug.

#PUTLEJUG.

Putin's popularity, though,
is all the more surprising

given that,
from the beginning,

his presidency has been shrouded
in accusations of corruption.

- We've seen him
enriching his friends,

his close allies,

and marginalizing those

who he doesn't view as friends
using state assets,

whether that's
Russia's energy wealth,

whether it's other
state contracts.

He directs those to whom
he believes will serve him

and excludes those who don't.

- I see.

So Putin's friends depend on him
for their wealth.

That actually explains
how he wound up

once going out dressed
like this,

because any real friend
would tell him, "Vladimir, no.

"I love you, but you cannot
pull off white denim.

"You look like you're attending
the wedding of a yacht

"and the year 1991.

Get changed.
As a friend, get changed."

But it's not just Putin's
friends who've become rich.

Some estimates put Putin's
personal wealth anywhere

from $40 billion to $85 billion,
which would make him

one of the richest men
in the world.

And although he
strenuously denies it,

nothing about his finances
adds up.

- President Putin's
official income

is around $100,000 a year,

and yet he lives
like the super rich.

He has a collection
of expensive watches.

Even his designer tracksuit
cost $3,000.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What monster works out
in a $3,000 tracksuit?

The only acceptable reason
for owning a tracksuit

that expensive is if
you recorded the 2002 hit

"Work It,"
your name is Missy Elliott,

and you are not fully aware
that other clothes exist.

That's it.
That is it.

I draw a line there.
[cheers and applause]

But for an example
of really surprising wealth,

consider Putin's own daughter.

She and her husband
have holdings

worth around $2 billion,
which is a lot of money

for someone who--
and this is true--

is an academic/acrobatic
rock-and-roll dancer.

And if you think we don't
have footage of her in action,

you are sorely mistaken.

[energetic pop rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ And when the rain begins
to fall... ♪

- First...
cool.

And--and second, you know,
a lot of people think

that the most dangerous job
in the world

is prison guard
or fighter pilot,

but I'd like now to put a strong
word in for "guy whose job is

"to throw Putin's daughter
way up in the air

and then hopefully catch her."

But you know what?
You know what?

Maybe Vladimir Putin
has just been

extraordinarily lucky
in his life.

And if so, it contrasts with
the extreme misfortune that many

of his critics and political
opponents have suffered.

Opposition leader Boris Nemtsov
was shot dead.

Alexander Litvinenko,
a former KGB agent

who turned on Putin,
died of radiation poisoning.

Journalist Anna Politkovskaya
was m*rder*d

on Putin's birthday.

And the activist
Vladimir Kara-Murza

was allegedly poisoned,
managed to survive,

only to be allegedly poisoned
again earlier this year.

And I know that all this
looks bad.

But, again, maybe Putin
had nothing to do

with any of that
and just got lucky.

Maybe the guy has
a rabbit's foot.

Yes, a freshly severed one,
but still, he's got one.

And meanwhile,
other Putin adversaries

have--have ended up disgraced
when sex tapes of them

were shown on national TV
or leaked on the Internet.

And a sex tape doesn't even need
to be real,

as this man, Kyle Hatcher,

who worked for the U.S.
State Department in Russia,

discovered a few years ago.

- Last month, this undercover
video of Hatcher was posted

on a Russian Internet site
complete with background music.

Hatcher is seen
in a Moscow hotel room

in his underwear
with the lights on.

Then the lights are out
in the room

and a man and a woman appear
to be having

sexual relations on the bed.

Hatcher told U.S. officials
this is a fabrication.

- Okay, now,
that is obviously ridiculous.

But I do actually have
some questions here.

One, if someone releases
a fake sex tape of you,

do you watch it?

And, two, what if the fake you

is better at sex
than the real you?

And the only reason
I ask this is,

I'm currently talking shit
about Putin on television,

so I'm expecting
my fake sex tape

to come out any moment now.

And I'm just--
I'm just interested.

I'm just interested.
That's all.

Putin has carefully created
an atmosphere in Russia

that is extremely hostile
to any opposition.

Standing up to him can mean
being targeted by trolls,

and not just on the Internet.

When Garry Kasparov spoke
at a political opposition event,

he was interrupted--
and this is true--

by radio-controlled
flying dildos.

And you know what?

I have to say,

I kind of respect that,
deep down.

That takes real imagination,
initiative, and planning.

Now, what is less impressive,
though,

is what liberal politician
Ilya Yashin

claims happened to him.

- [speaking Russian]

[jazzy percussion music]

♪ ♪

[speaking Russian]

♪ ♪

[audience groans]

- Look, I do understand
being mad at someone

who has shit on your car,
but for the record,

parents walking by are not
actually going to be offended.

Because, if you have a child,
your visceral response

to seeing someone
other than your own kid

taking a dump in public is,
"Not my f*cking problem.

Not my problem."

So--so, to recap,
Putin may or may not have stolen

billions of dollars and may
or may not have been involved

in the intimidation or
assassination of his opponents.

There is so much that people
suspect but can't quite prove,

in the same way that I suspect
Putin's genitals

are just a fist covered
in thorns,

but I can't entirely say
for sure.

I'm 98%.

I'm just not quite there.

But here is what we can say
about Putin without a doubt.

He, among other things,
annexed Crimea,

imposed severe fines and long
prison terms on protestors,

propped up the brutal
Assad regime,

and signed a harsh
anti-gay propaganda law,

which many Russians supported,
which might actually not be

that surprising when you
consider that they see shit

like this on state-sponsored TV.

- [speaking Russian]

- Sodom and Gomorrah
were burnt with the rain

of sulfurous fire
from the heavens.

Since that time,
the real name of h*m*,

just so you know,
our dear TV audience,

is not gays, but sodomites.

God does not tolerate
the filth and sin

that may consume
the entire world.

We need to resist
to stay alive.

- Wow.
Now, to give you just a sense

of how anti-gay Russian TV is,

their most popular makeover show
features five straight guys

and is called
"That Jacket Looks Fine."

So, look, in a nutshell,

that is Russia
under Vladimir Putin.

And our president wants
to get along better with him.

And I'm not saying that America
hasn't regularly cozied up

to regimes with hideous
human rights records.

I will not mention names,
but let's just say

that Saudi Arabia knows
who they are.

But--but there is something
truly alarming about how easy

Trump makes this all sound.

- If our country got along
with Russia,

that would be a great thing.

Wouldn't it be
a wonderful thing, frankly,

if we actually got along
with Russia?

Wouldn't it be great if we
actually got along with Russia?

Wouldn't it be nice if we
actually got along with Russia?

Wouldn't that be good?

Wouldn't it actually
be wonderful?

Wouldn't it be nice?
Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice
if we actually got along,

as an example, with Russia?
I'm all for it.

- Sure, yeah, and it would also
be nice if you could walk

right up to a bear and hug it.

That would be really,
really nice.

But unfortunately,
it's not that f*cking easy!

Negotiating anything with Putin
is gonna be

way more difficult
than Trump seems to think.

Putin spent his early life
as a spy for Russia

in East Germany,
where he mastered

manipulating foreigners.

And I'm not saying that Trump
isn't at his level.

I am just saying,
watch what happened last year

when Bill O'Reilly tried
to game out

how Trump would respond
to Russian planes

buzzing U.S. warships.

- I would say, "Do not do that.
That's provocation.

That's something that you're
not supposed to be doing."

- Right, but if he did it,
if he defies you...

- It's the wrong thing to do
on many--

- You'd have to sh**t one
of those planes down.

- [stammers]
I may have to do something

which you would hate to do.

But this is something
I wouldn't want to do.

But I would say,
"Vladimir, don't do it.

"Let's go.
Come on.

"We're gonna have
a good relationship.

Don't do it."

- That is just
f*cking embarrassing.

He is using the tone
of a dog owner

failing to stop a spaniel
peeing on the rug.

Waggles, don't do it.

Let's go.
Come on, Waggles.

We're gonna have
a good relationship.

Don't do it, Wags.

Don't do it.
Don't do it.

[cheers and applause]
And the thing is...

the thing is,
Trump has already given Putin

something absolutely massive,

and he may not
even realize it yet.

Let me explain.

Putin is actually
a little bit weaker

than you think at the moment.

His economy is struggling,
which is not great news

for an autocrat
who may have stolen billions

from his own people.

But he is still very popular,

in part because he routinely
deflects criticism onto the U.S.

And not just to dodge blame
but to delegitimize our ability

to claim the moral high ground.

Russians love it when America
points a finger at him

and he just points it
right back.

For instance, when he was asked
a few years ago about

suppressing dissent in Russia,
he immediately changed

the subject to problems
in America.

- [speaking Russian]
- Do you believe

that everything is perfect now

from the point of view
of democracy?

If everything was perfect,
there would be

no problem like Ferguson,
right?

There would be
no other problems

of a similar nature.

There would be no abuse
by the police.

This is the same case
in Russia,

a lot of problems.

- Yeah, but not all problems
are the same.

It's like comparing
"La La Land,"

an Academy Award-nominated movie
with glaring flaws,

to "The Human Centipede,"

a thing that barely counts
as a film.

Yes, one movie is people sewn
mouth-to-anus, but,

you know, Ryan Gosling looks
at his feet when he dances,

so it all evens out in the end.

This message that, you know,
"If things are bad here,

just know that they are
just as bad in America,"

that is a key Putin technique.

Russian state media spent
a good part of last year

insisting that the U.S. election
was rigged.

And they did this
for a clear reason.

- What does the Kremlin want
to put in Russians' heads?

- There is no real democracy
in the world.

It doesn't work.

This will be the opportunity
to show that, hey, they have--

they do the same thing.

There is no difference.

- And we're no worse
than they are?

- Yes, exactly.

- So that is the official line.

"You're shit. We're shit.
Everything's shit.

Never try for a better world
because it doesn't exist."

That is not only bleak, I think
it's also the working title

of every Russian novel
ever written.

And--and you know what, though?

You would expect
"America's elections are rigged"

to be a standard Putin line.

What changed last year, though,
was that he had

a major American candidate
saying the exact same thing.

And if you think that
that played into Putin's hands,

imagine how happy he was
to then see

the President
of the United States

take his moral equivalence
argument and just run with it.

- Putin's a k*ller.

- A lot of K*llers.
We've got a lot of K*llers.

What, you think our country's
so innocent?

You think our country's
so innocent?

- I don't know of any
government leaders

that are K*llers in America.

- Well, take a look
at what we've done, too.

- Holy shit.

The only way he could sound
any more like Vladimir Putin

is if he said all that
in a f*cking $3,000 tracksuit.

Trump is basically the
propagandist of Putin's dreams.

And who knows why
he's acting this way?

Maybe he's compromised.
Maybe he's an idiot.

But since the President
of the United States

won't stick up for this country,
I will.

America and Russia
are not the f*cking same.

And don't get me wrong.

America has had--
and continues to have--

endemic problems
that need fixing.

That might as well be
the title of this show.

But--but hold on, though.
Hold on.

'Cause our elections
have some flaws,

but they are not rigged.

Our human rights record
is far from perfect,

but it does not compare
to Putin's Russia.

And our press is at least
currently free enough

that I can routinely do this.

Donald Trump,
America's wealthiest hemorrhoid.

America's walking,
talking brush fire.

Rome burning in man form.

An ill-fitting suit
full of chickens

coming home to roost.

Twitter's id made manifest.

This sentient circus peanut.

A r*cist voodoo doll
made of discarded cat hair.

A clown made of mummified
foreskin and cotton candy.

Upside-down piece of candy corn

in a wig made
of used medical gauze.

A clear plastic bag filled
with cheeseburgers

and Confederate flag
belt buckles.

An old piece of luggage
covered in Cheez Whiz.

A kidney dropped on the floor
at a Supercuts.

He is basically what happens
if "The Secret"

gets into the wrong hands.

Yeah.
I've talked a lot of shit.

And--and to his credit...
[cheers and applause]

Trump has not had me m*rder*d.

Yet.
Yet.

There is still time.

The problem is, though,
Trump has already given Putin

a lot without realizing it,
but Putin wants more.

Experts say that he likely wants
an end to U.S. sanctions,

for us to endorse his
pro-Assad position in Syria,

to let him weaken NATO,

and to recognize
his annexation of Crimea.

All of which would be against
American interests and values.

But there seems to be a genuine
danger that, if unchecked,

Trump may trade any or all
of that away in exchange

for "getting along better,"

whatever the f*ck
that really means.

So, someone really needs quickly
to get into Trump's ear

and educate him in how realistic
getting along better

with Putin actually is.

And, unfortunately,
our Catheter Cowboy

cannot do it in 30 seconds.

So, we've put together
a quick explanation

guaranteed to stick
in Trump's mind

in the catchiest possible form:

Shitty techno music.

[upbeat techno music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[music stops]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, no!

Do not shit on my car!

That is weird.
It's so weird.

If anything,
it might be the weirdest part

of this whole story.

Please don't shit on my car.

Don't--please don't do it.

I'm sorry, you were telling
the president about Putin?

Go.

[upbeat techno music resumes]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- That's our show!

Thank you so much for watching!

We'll see you next week!
Good night!

♪ ♪

[bright tone]