04x06 - United States federal budget

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- Welcome, welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And we begin tonight
with President Trump--

two words that continue
to sound wrong together,

sort of like "horse pope"
or "Dr. Oz."

And this was a week of diplomacy
for the president.

Or, as it turned out,
the opposite of that.

- President Trump hosting
Chancellor Angela Merkel

at the White House today.

It will be their first
face-to-face meeting

since Mr. Trump
ridiculed the chancellor

on the campaign trail, accusing
her of "ruining Germany."

- Wow.

Well, first,
that is a major insult,

because, historically,
the title of

"chancellor synonymous
with ruining Germany"

is pretty much taken.

And second,
it's got to be awkward

to meet someone that you've
talked so much shit about.

Personally, that is why
I never leave the house,

because I know Johnny Depp
is somewhere out there,

presumably vaping
into a supermodel's vag*na

while he mansplains acting.

And--and if you are thinking

that Trump made
an extra effort

to smooth things over,
you would be wrong,

because watch what happened

when the media at a photo op
made a very routine request.

- Oh, shake her hand,
you weird, weird man!

It is not often
that you can genuinely say,

"Trump really should have
touched that woman."

Because--look at him!

He's just staring
straight ahead,

refusing to make eye contact!

He's treating
the Chancellor of Germany

like a drunk guy
masturbating in a subway car.

And it did not get
any less tense

at their joint press conference,
'cause as you probably know,

Trump has been standing by
his nonsensical claim

that President Obama
had him wiretapped,

and when a German reporter
asked him about that,

he tried to pull Merkel into it
with him.

- As far as, uh,
wiretapping,

I guess, by, you know,
this past administration,

at least we have something
in common, perhaps.

[audience laughter]

- Now, what that very funny joke
is referring to

is the allegation that the U.S.
had monitored Merkel's phone,

and she is not amused by that.

In fact, that may be
the most uncomfortable

a U.S. president
has ever made her.

And I will remind you,
George W. Bush

once gave her an unsolicited
surprise back rub.

And it wasn't just Germany

dragged into
Trump's wiretapping mess,

because his press secretary

and special guest on
the "Gilmore Girls" reboot

Melissa McCarthy

suddenly brought a British
spy agency into it too.

- Sean Spicer, the president's
press secretary,

has backed claims
that GCHQ was involved

in tapping phones
for Barack Obama.

- He didn't use the NSA,

he didn't use the CIA,
he didn't use the FBI,

and he didn't use
the Department of Justice.

He used GCHQ.

- Wow.

Now, that is going to piss off

the British, and you do not want
to piss off the British,

because if you do,
we will say, "Oh, dear,"

shake our heads,
swallow the anger,

and carry it around
until we die.

Because think about what
he's actually alleging there.

He is suggesting
a U.S. president

enlisted a foreign
intelligence service

to spy on
a political adversary.

That is an expl*sive charge.

Perhaps that is why
the NSA's deputy director

told the BBC it was,
"Arrant nonsense,"

revealing, "A complete lack
of understanding

in how the relationship works,"

and, for their part,
GCHQ called the accusations,

"Utterly ridiculous."

And yet, rather than distancing
himself from Spicer,

Trump decided to back him up.

- All we did
was quote a certain,

uh, very talented
legal mind

who was the one responsible

for saying that
on television.

That was a statement made by
a very talented lawyer on Fox.

And so you shouldn't be
talking to me;

you should be talking to Fox.

- No, we should be
talking to you about it

'cause you're
the f*cking president,

and you're repeating it.

[cheers and applause]

"He only said it

because he heard it
on television,"

is barely an acceptable excuse

for why your parrot said
a racial slur.

"No, no, no, no!
We've been watching 'The Wire'!

We've been watching
'The Wire'!"

Oh, and so you know,

that "very talented legal mind"
that Trump's talking about

is this guy,
Fox News contributor

Judge Andrew Napolitano,

a man whose persona

is so overwhelmingly
non-authoritative

I just assumed he was a judge

in the "Judge Reinhold" sense
of the word.

Spicer was quoting Napolitano
directly,

and even by Fox's standards,

the judge
is an unreliable source.

He has a history of entertaining
dicey conspiracies.

He once questioned whether
bin Laden was actually k*lled,

and a few years ago,
he went on Alex Jones' show

and said this, regarding
the World Trade Center:

- What a very talented
legal mind!

And it is, frankly, telling

that even Fox News anchor
Bret Baier

didn't stand behind the story.

- We love the Judge.
We love him here at Fox.

But the Fox News division

was never able
to back up those claims.

- That is like how you talk
about a r*cist grandparent.

"We love Nana,
we love her very much,

"but we cannot stand behind
the things she says,

"nor would the rest of us use
those specific words.

"Also she has been watching
'The Wire.'

"She's been watching
'The Wire.'

"If Stringer Bell can say it,
why can't she?

That's her point."

And you know, if Fox News
admits a story is bullshit,

then it is bullshit.

So all the Trump team had to do
was apologize and move on,

and they were so close
to doing that.

- A senior administration
official said earlier today

Spicer and national security
adviser H.R. McMaster

offered what amounted
to an apology

to the British government.

But Spicer later disputed that,

saying the administration
had no regrets.

- That is Sean Spicer
saying he has no regrets,

which is amazing,

because if anyone on this planet

should have f*cking regrets,

it is you,
Madam Ghostbuster.

You should regret everything,

every life decision
that brought you

into this regretful job
that you regretfully hold.

At this point, you should really
be more regrets than man--

a regretotaur, if you will,
half--

half man,
half regretful beast,

cursed to roam the planet
until one day

you're finally released
from your prison

by the inevitable firing
you'll receive

in, oh, let's say,
two and a half weeks, shall we?

And look, there is no evidence
for Trump's claims.

There is no discernible
motivation

for the British government
to be part of this.

Just the word
of a mid-transition werewolf

with questionable views
on 9/11.

And yet none of that
seems to matter to Trump,

and I could tell you why,

but I think I'll let
Fareed Zakaria do it for me.

- I think the president
is somewhat indifferent

to things that are true
or false.

He has spent his whole life
bullshitting.

He has succeeded
by bullshitting.

He's gotten the presidency
by bullshitting.

It's very hard to tell somebody
at that point

that bullshit doesn't work,

because look at the results,
right?

- Yeah.
[cheers and applause]

Donald Trump
is a bullshit artist.

And I know Trump
might want to refute that,

but to be fair,
someone on TV did say it,

and I am repeating it,
so therefore, it must be true.

And now this.

male announcer:
And now, morning news shows

celebrating St. Patrick's Day

literally the only way
they know how.

- [Irish accent]
And top o' the morning to you.

We're live.

And a great Friday morning
St. Paddy's Day to ya.

- Top o' the morning.
- Top o' the morning to ya.

- St. Patrick's Day.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya.

- Top o' the mornin' there.

- Top o' the mornin' to ya,
Wendy.

- Top o' the mornin'
to ya, Bill.

- Top o' the mornin' to ya!

- Top o' the mornin'
to ya.

- Top o' the mornin' to you,
lad and lasses.

- Top o' the mornin' to ya.

- Top o' the mornin' to ya,
laddies.

- Officers determined

the victim was shot
on Denver Avenue.

Officers on the scene
say they located blood

on the car and w*apon.

We will bring you
more information

as it becomes available.

- Well, top o' the mornin'
to ya.

[cheerful Irish reel melody]

[cheers and applause]

- Moving on.

For our main story tonight,

we wanted to take a quick look
at the federal budget,

the only beach read
less appropriate

than Bill Cosby's "Little Bill:
One Dark and Scary Night."

And this week, Donald Trump,

a man who constantly promised

that he would run America
like a business,

gave us our clearest sense yet

of how he plans to do that.

- The president revealing
his new budget proposal

just moments ago.

- It is promising
the most dramatic change

in the federal government
since World w*r II.

- This is a budget blueprint

from the president
of the United Sates,

a document
that he puts out there.

It is his wish list.

It is the way that he would like
the government to be funded

and--and what
his priorities are.

- Yes, this budget
is simply a blueprint,

what's known in Washington
as a "skinny budget,"

which sounds like a line item

that Trump might have included

in one of his prenups.

So try and think of it,
this budget,

as a presidential mood board,

the mood board
of a president whose mood

can always be described as,
"Impatient, vain,

and horny for malice."

So what is in this thing?

- The budget blueprint calls for

a $54 billion increase

in defense spending.

Take a look at this graphic.

On the left, you see,

uh, departments
getting an increase.

That would be Defense,
Homeland Security,

Veterans Affairs.

The agencies facing cuts:

the Environmental
Protection Agency,

the State Department,
the Agriculture Department,

the Labor Department,
Health and Human Services,

and the list goes on and on.

- You know what?
It is sort of fitting

that the list of budget cuts
scroll by

like the end credits
for America.

"Thanks for helping us out,
Agriculture Department!

"Hope you find a gig
with the next country

that rises from our ashes."

And while this budget
is very unlikely to pass

in its current form,

it is worth taking just
a few minutes to look at it,

partly because it gives us
a clear sense

of our president's priorities

but also 'cause it gives us
a chance to get to know

yet another one of the Trump
administration's key characters,

because we've met
most of them by now.

There's Steve Bannon,

a wealthy
former Goldman Sachs banker

who somehow constantly
looks like he just woke up

on a park bench after losing
custody of his children.

There is, uh, Kellyanne Conway,

the brave survivor
of a t*rror1st attack

she completely made up.

And there's Stephen Miller,

the least popular boy
at vampire school.

Well, for this budget,

we got to know Mick Mulvaney,

whose name,
when spoken in my accent,

sounds like what you'd call
a random Irish person

if you're trying to get him
to fight you.

He is the director

of the Office
of Management and Budget,

and I'll let--I'll let him
give you just a glimpse

into the
highly scientific process

by which he put this budget
together.

- We came at it--
actually wrote the budget

by going through
the president's speeches,

going through
the interviews he had given

and talking to him directly

and finding out
what his priorities were.

We took those words,
those policies,

and turned them into numbers.

- Yeah, basically,

Mulvaney treated
Trump's past statements

the way Trump treats women:

randomly singling out
a few of them

and then reducing them down
to numbers.

But--but that cannot
have been easy

when you think about it,
because

translating the noises
that come out of Trump's face

into hard policy prescriptions
is almost impossible.

Take this statement
on military spending.

- You got to make the country
rich again

and strong again
so that you can afford it

and so you can afford military
and all of the other things.

- I--I don't know
what that was.

To be honest,
it sounds like the audiobook

of "A Farewell to Arms"
broadcast by an iPhone

submerged in hot coffee.

But--but apparently
Mulvaney heard,

"Increase defense spending
by $54 billion,"

because that is what
he's proposing.

And as for the budget's funding
for nuclear weapons,

they presumably had their basis
in statements like this one.

- Putin has built up
their military again

and again and again.

Their military
is much stronger.

He's doing nuclear.
We're not doing anything.

Our nuclear is old and tired,

and his nuclear is tippy-top,
from what I hear.

[audience laughter, murmuring]

- Again,

I don't know how you turn that
into policy.

"Let's trickle-dickle
some money-bunnies

"into our boom-boom budget.

"We're aiming for tippy-top,
people, because remember,

"we're talking about
the most lethal weapons

"in the history of mankind,

so, if we can,
tippy-tippy-top."

Now, that apparently means

a $1.4 billion increase

for the National
Nuclear Security Administration

while cutting the Department
of Energy's overall budget

by $1.7 billion.

But to be honest,
I can't be certain

because I don't speak
fluent toddler psychopath.

Now--now, these cuts

have made headlines
for their severity,

but no one can say
they're surprised

by who is on the receiving end
of some of the worst of them.

For instance,
his 31% cut to the EPA

is really just making good
on some pretty clear words.

- Environmental Protection?
What they do is a disgrace.

Every week, they come out
with new regulations.

They're making it impossible--

- Who's gonna protect
the environment?

- They--we'll be fine
with the environment.

We can leave a little bit,

but you can't destroy
businesses.

- We can leave a little bit
of the environment,

specifically, this fish,

this bit of crabgrass in Utah,

and one of these meerkats.

So don't get too attached,
one on the right.

And look, there is nothing wrong
with cuts in principle,

but with budgets,
as with haircuts,

it's where and how you cut
that matters.

And, believe me,
I say that as a grown man

who had bangs on national
television for seven years.

Cool?

Cool.

And--and it is
important to note,

non-defense
discretionary spending

is already at its lowest level
relative to GDP

in over 15 years,

lower than any year
of Reagan's presidency.

And that's what makes something
like Trump's proposed


for the State Department

and USAID so frightening.

Although Secretary of State
Rex Tillerson

doesn't seem that worried
about it,

and one of the reasons
he gave for that

was a little surprising.

- What the president is asking
the State Department to do

is, I think, reflective
of a couple of expectations.

One is that, as time goes by,

there will be fewer
military conflicts

that the U.S. will be
directly engaged in.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on there.

You honestly think
we're gonna have fewer

military conflicts
under President Trump?

There is simply no way
that is true.

He just needs one person
to tell him

that World w*r I was called
"The Great w*r"

and he's going to want
to have a better one

out of sheer pettiness.

And making big cuts to things
like the State Department,

International Development,
and the EPA

isn't just shortsighted;

it doesn't even
make fiscal sense.

The EPA
is currently responsible

for 0.2% of federal spending,

and the State Department
and USAID are 1.4%,

so you don't cut those agencies
as a cost-saving measure.

You do it as a "f*ck you."

It is the budgetary equivalent

of inviting Mitt Romney
out to dinner at Jean-Georges

before not offering him
a cabinet position.

And I will say,
that was awesome, by the way.

Trump is so consistently
monstrous,

sometimes
out of sheer coincidence,

he happens to do
something amazing.

Trump is truly
the stopped clock of assholes.

But--but his pettiness
extends even further

when it comes
to some of the tiny items

his budget
eliminates funding for,

like the national endowments

for the arts
and the humanities

and the Corporation
for Public Broadcasting,

which, last year,
made up less than 0.02%

of federal spending.

But according to Mulvaney,

it is unfair to expect people
to even pay that much.

- When you start
looking at the places

that will reduce, uh,
spending,

one of the questions
we asked was,

can we really
continue to ask

a coal miner in West Virginia

or a single mom in Detroit
to pay for these programs?

The answer was no.

We can ask them
to pay for defense

and we will,
but we can't ask them

to continue to pay for

the Corporation
for Public Broadcasting.

- Okay, that argument
isn't just insulting.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

Because while, yes, the military
keeps single mothers safe,

on a day-to-day basis,

"Bob the Builder" is an
actual lifesaver for them.

"Declan, honey,
Mommy's gonna lie down

"for a little bit while
you watch yourself some 'Bob.'

He's the only man
I trust anymore."

And if, if your real concern

is for
the hard-earned dollars

of single mothers
and coal miners,

let's break that down,
shall we?

Because if your single mother
needs to work

and her child
attends a school,

she might need access to
something like WINGS for Kids,

an after-school program
that serves 1,600 children

in three states.

And guess what...

- Under President Trump's
new proposed federal budget,

WINGS' primary source of
funding would be eliminated.

Bridget Laird is the CEO.

How does that make you feel?

- Makes me feel devastated.

- Jessica Williams

has two daughters
in the program.

What happens
if it goes away?

- Um, I really don't know
how I could...

I really don't know.
I would be lost.

- Okay,
so that is a really bad cut,

and again, I say that
as a man

who no one stopped
from going into a Supercuts

with a photo of Demi Moore
in "Ghost"

and saying, "This, but worse."

And as for Mick Mulvaney's

hypothetical coal miners,

let's take a look
at what Trump's budget cuts

from the Appalachian region.

- One of those programs
at risk of losing all funding

is the Appalachian
Regional Commission,

which funded 35 different
projects and programs

in Tennessee alone last year.

- 35 programs
in just Tennessee.

And that list includes
things like

the Healthier Tennessee
Communities initiative,

the Boys & Girls Clubs
of Tennessee Valley,

and the Governor's
Books from Birth Foundation--

all of which contain
so many positive words.

I am presuming
that also in line for cuts

are the Kid-Kitten
Hardhat Alliance

and the Grandma's Wish Coalition
for Warm Cookies

Straight from the Oven.

The cookies will be
thrown away.

The grandma will be put down.

And by the way--by the way,

those cuts are coming in a state
that went for Trump,

which leads us to
the weirdest thing of all here.

Some of the cuts
in Trump's budget

heavily impact groups
that voted for him.

- The one that strikes me
is rural airports.

We spend money to help subsidize
rural airports

where they otherwise
couldn't have air service.

Now, maybe that doesn't make
any sense in an ideal world.

Maybe on principle,
that's a bad thing,

but the people who are
gonna lose their airports

if we stop doing that

are the people who voted
for Donald Trump.

- So think about that.

Trump's rise was fueled
by people in red states

who were justifiably irritated

that liberals sometimes refer
to them as "flyover country."

But this budget could literally
turn some of them

into flyover country

because there would be
no other option.

And even some Republicans

are now wary of this budget.

Hal Rogers, a Republican

and former chair of the
House Appropriations Committee,

went so far as to call
many of the cuts,

"Draconian, careless,
and counterproductive."

And a Republican saying that
about budget cuts

is like a toddler
telling you,

"This balloon f*cking sucks."

Really?

I really thought
you liked those!

And, look,
Trump's defenders will say

that this is just him
being a businessman.

It's a first offer,
it's a negotiation,

the sort of thing
that you could learn all about

in his book,
"The Art of the...

"Wait, I Seem to be Betraying
Everyone Who Supported Me.

"Ah, Well, Forget It.

"Anyway, Let's Talk About
All the Trim I Got

in the '80s, Right Fellas?
Hunga Munga!"

But if anything
resembling this budget passes,

many of Trump's own voters

will likely wind up
getting burned,

and they are going to be angry,

and Trump himself
should know that,

given that
in "The Art of the Deal,"

he said this:

- Oh, I think
people are catching on.

It's taking longer
than is perhaps ideal,

but I think, pretty soon,

all of us will be fed up

right up
to the tippy-f*cking-top.

And now this.

announcer: And now,

a special
St. Patrick's Day moment

from "Fox & Friends."

- Today is St. Patrick's Day,

so we'll be celebrating
throughout.

But it doesn't mean--
what did you just do?

- I just moved
the leprechaun.

I didn't realize there was
a leprechaun behind me.

- Sitting between us.
- Remember a couple of years ago

when we actually had
a leprechaun on the show?

Where Judge Napolitano
sat on his lap?

- Right, I don't think
that video's available anymore.

announcer: Oh, you wish
that video wasn't available.

- Let's go over
to Judge Andrew Napolitano

with a special--
- Hey, I got my new buddy here

from the University
of Notre Dame...

- How are you, Judge?

- Paddy, all right.
Good to see you.

announcer:
Oh, what a fun memory.

- We hired this leprechaun
off of craigslist.

[laughter]

- There's your first mistake.
- And you know what?

You get exactly
what you pay for.

announcer: f*ck you.

[cheerful Irish reel melody]

[applause]

- And finally, this week,
before we go,

I know the world
is a bleak place right now,

so we wanted to leave you
with a happy story,

and it involves Bolivia,

a country you think about
so little,

you don't even realize
that's not Bolivia;

that's Colombia,
except it isn't.

That's Venezuela.

That is Colombia,
except it isn't.

That's Bolivia, which is the one
we were looking for

in the first place.

Which one's Colombia?

There is simply no way to know.

The point is,
the Bolivian city of La Paz

has had longstanding problems
with their roads,

including traffic jams

and a high rate
of fatal accidents.

And I know that you're thinking,
"Wait. Hold on.

"Your happy story

involves fatal car accidents
in Bolivia?"

Well, wait. Wait.

Wait. Trust me.

Because this is the solution
they came up with.

[reporter speaking Spanish]

- Appropriating the image
of the crosswalks,

called "zebras,"

and dressed in a costume
of the animal by the same name,

these young people have been
going into the street

of the city of La Paz
for the past 13 years

with the goal of educating
the citizens with love

and changing the chaotic face

of the vehicular traffic
in this city.

- Admit it.
You didn't see that coming.

Not a single one of you

was sitting there going,
"Traffic zebras!

"I'm calling it!

Traffic zebras! Yes!"

Now, these zebras
don't have policing powers,

like the ability to issue
tickets or make arrests.

Instead,
they just tease people.

And if you look online--

and I cannot recommend
you do that enough--

there is incredible footage
of them in action.

You can see everything
from a zebra holding his head

while a man jaywalks

to one dancing
and spinning around

in front of a speeding van
that stops

just in the nick of time

to this zebra risking his life
to stop a car

to the many, many clips
of zebras dancing,

every single one of which,
especially the last one,

is absolutely superb.

Watch him throw that down.

And at this point,
you may be wondering,

how did this happen?

Well, it was based on
a similar program in Colombia,

uh, where they dispatched
traffic mimes

to monitor pedestrians.

And as far as having mimes
rove around your city,

I think we can all agree:
No.

Not only is it
tremendously unpleasant,

but being mocked by a mime
doesn't even work.

All you have to say is,
"I can talk, and you can't."

Argument won.

You lock him in a glass box,
and you walk away.

But Bolivia has really
taken it up a notch

with this whole zebra business.

The program started
with just 24 of them,

and today in La Paz alone,
there are 265.

That is a population boom
so great,

it puts actual zebras
to shame.

And that is saying something

because zebras notoriously
have no shame.

Put it away!
Put it away!

That thing is a liability.

Tuck it away.

And while it may look like fun
for people,

this is a real job
with strict rules.

[reporter speaking Spanish]

- They explained
some of the rules

to be zebras, like:
honor the costume,

don't eat when you work,

never, never
take your head off.

- That is a good rule.

Never take your head off.

You cannot risk shattering
an innocent child's belief

that you are a real free-roaming
bipedal talking equid



And by the way, that applies
even in interview situations.

There are many, many clips

of reporters shoving
microphones in zebras' faces,

even one with a zebra giving
an interview to another zebra.

- This is very significant
for me.

I really like what I'm doing,

and it's not just about
telling people what to do.

- Come on!

Every interview is improved
by a zebra head.

There's a lesson for everyone
there.

Stressful interview
with "60 Minutes"?

Put on a zebra head.

Tough questions
on the red carpet?

You put on a zebra head.

Sean Spicer?

Get yourself a zebra head,
man.

What is wrong with you?

[cheers and applause]

And--and here's the thing.

It doesn't just help
with Bolivia's traffic.

Many of the people
in those costumes

really need the work.

- Many of the zebras
are young people

who are recovering
drug addicts and alcoholics.

It's a way for them to get
their lives back on track

and to give something back
to society.

- Look, they're not only
getting their lives on track.

I'm pretty sure
the existence of these zebras

is the only thing keeping
my life on track right now.

And is it any wonder
how beloved these cebritas are,

considering the attitude
that they project?

- Oh!
- Cebrita!

- [speaking Spanish]

- Yes, the zebra was inside her
the whole time,

which, admittedly,
sounds like a description

for a very risqué YouTube video,
but that's not the point.

The point is,
I've got a few questions here.

First: How the hell

did no one
tell me about this before?

I feel like we've been
pretty clear on this show

about our interest
in South American countries

you have scant
geographical knowledge of

and people in animal costumes.

And frankly,
I have needed this

over the last few months.

The news has been hard.

Which brings me
to my second question.

If zebras can make
Bolivian traffic jams bearable,

what else could they help with?

So here is what we've done.

We made our own Bolivian zebra

and have been seeing
if they can help

make painful moments
easier to take.

And I'll show you how it works.

Remember Trump's inauguration?

Tough to watch, right?
But I'll say this.

It's a lot easier to watch
with a zebra involved.

- I, Donald John Trump,
do solemnly swear...

- I, Donald John Trump,
do solemnly swear...

- That I will faithfully
execute...

- That I will faithfully
execute...

- The office of President
of the United States.

- The office of President
of the United States.

- See?
It's better, right?

Again,
it doesn't change anything,

but it is easier to watch.

Now, this works for
moments of frustration too.

Remember how it felt
on Tuesday night

when Rachel Maddow
made you sit through



to get to what amounted
to very nearly nothing?

Well, you know
what could have helped then?

A zebra to share your pain.

- Somebody...

[pages rustling]

Has decided to leak...

A portion
of his 2005 tax return,

which is how and why
we got it tonight.

And I am sure
it is only the start,

but it's a start,

and our little piece of it,

we just got it.

We'll go through it, next.

- Come on!

- I promise,
it works for anything.

Take "Manchester by the Sea."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pretty harrowing movie,
right?

That couple went through hell.

You know, if only
they weren't so alone.

- [sniffs]

Maybe you don't want
to talk to me.

- [mutters]

- No, let me finish.

I love you.

My heart was broken.

It's always gonna be broken.

And I know
yours is broken too.

- Look, look, I think it's--

[cheers and applause]

I think it's pretty clear.

With things in America
the way they are now,

we need these zebras
like never before.

And that is why
we've uploaded footage

of a green screen zebra

going through
a wide variety of emotions.

You can use them
however you want.

Just let us know
whatever you did

with the hashtag
#JUSTADDZEBRAS.

That is our show.
Thank you so much for watching.

We'll be off next week,
back April 2nd.

Good night.

Please enjoy a dancing zebra!

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat dance music]

♪ ♪

[bright tone]