04x07 - Cannabis in the United States

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[bright tone]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

Just time for a quick recap
of the week,

and we begin with
the continuing investigation

of Donald Trump and Russia,
a scandal that we've been

referring to as
"Stupid Watergate,"

because it has all the potential
consequences of Watergate,

but everyone involved
is really stupid.

This week, the news centered
on Congressman Devin Nunes,

the most Devin Devin
in the history of Devins.

His parents actually wanted
to name him something else,

but the birth certificate
just wrote "Devin" on itself.

You may remember,
last week he made headlines

with a seemingly huge claim.

- Congressman Devin Nunes
dropped a bombshell today.

He said President Trump's
transition team

and the president's personal
communications may have been

caught up in, quote,
"incidental surveillance."

- Now, that initially
sounded like it could

back up Trump's claims that
President Obama wiretapped him,

but it quickly unraveled,

as Nunes conceded
the surveillance was routine,

appeared to be completely legal,

occurred after the election,

and may not have
even targeted Trump

or his transition team,
but rather

foreign individuals
discussing the transition.

And yet despite that,

Trump claimed the evidence
had left him feeling

"somewhat vindicated,"
which is not really surprising.

Trump feels vindicated by
dubious sources all the time.

"We don't need to invest
in clean energy.

It says right here on the cup
that 'America Runs on Dunkin'."

But there were many questions
this week surrounding Nunes,

a man who looks like
the guy every 13-year-old

wishes her mom
would stop dating.

For instance, why did he make
such a big show

of racing to the White House
to share his information

with President Trump,

especially in light
of this revelation?

- "The New York Times"
reported White House officials

were the source
of intelligence reports

given to House Intelligence
Chair Devin Nunes.

- Okay, so to recap.

Devin took what appears to be
an unnecessary trip

to tell what appears to be
unimportant news

to what may have been
the source of the news itself.

So what Nunes brought to light
has turned out to be

a bunch of smoke and mirrors

as convoluted
as it is pointless.

Truly, it is the
"Now You See Me" of revelations.

But wait, wait,
because Stupid Watergate

found a way to get
even stupider,

because the surveillance
Nunes was studying

concerned the Trump
transition team,

of which one member was,
yeah, you guessed it,

Devin f*cking Nunes.

Which seems like a pretty clear
conflict of interest.

So it was important for
Republicans to make clear

just how independent he is
from the White House,

but they couldn't even
do that properly.

- You have to keep in mind
who he works for.

He works for the president.
He answers to the president.

- Does he or does he work

the constituents
of his district?

- Well, you do both.

- No!

No, You absolutely do not!

You do one of them
and explicitly not the other.

That is literally
the whole point of Congress.

And that is why this story
is Stupid Watergate.

It could very
well take down the government,

but nobody involved understands
why, or how to cover it up,

or what the government
f*cking is,

or possibly how to breathe

without getting
regular reminders.

So for now let's move
on to the United Kingdom,

the country whose
most beloved children's book

is about friendless child

who thinks a bear
with an eating disorder

and a depressed donkey
are talking to him.

It has been almost a year since
the UK voted to leave the EU,

and the process of doing that
began this Wednesday.

- In accordance with the wishes
of the British people,

the United Kingdom is
leaving the European Union.

[subdued cheering]

This is an historic moment

from which there can be
no turning back.

- Wow, the electricity
in that room is palpable.

Even her phrasing is ominous,
though.

"A historic moment from which
there can be no turning back,"

could just as easily apply to
getting a Limp Bizkit tattoo,

or the moment after your cult
drank their su1c1de potions.

The UK has now initiated
Article 50 of the EU treaty,

triggering a two-year
negotiating process,

leading up to a withdrawal
from the EU in March of 2019.

So we're facing 24 months
of promising to pull out,

or as Sting calls it,
a one-night stand.

Now, it was initiated,
this process,

by hand-delivering a letter

to the President
of the European Council,

which began,
"Dear President Tusk."

Which really should be
the start of a letter you write

to a walrus president,

but sadly
it was a breakup letter

to an actual person
named Donald Tusk,

who seemed understandably
devastated.

- There's no reason to pretend
that this is a happy day,

neither in Brussels
nor in London.

What--what can I add to this?

We--we already miss you.

Thank you and good-bye.

- Oh, come on, Tusky!

Don't be sad!

If it helps,
you will get over Britain.

And if you do ever
find yourself missing it,

here's what works for me.

Just stare at this picture
of an angry old woman

in a r*cist T-shirt eating
beans on toast in the rain,

because that is what you're
actually leaving behind.

Although, to be fair,
not everybody was gloomy

about the news this week.

Take Nigel Farage,
former UKIP leader

and current spokesmodel
for Smug Dickhead Moisturizer.

The moisturizer that gives you
that smug dickhead glow.

He was absolutely thrilled.

- Today's the day for me,
after 25 years of campaigning,

that the impossible dream
came true.

I'm delighted.

- Well, that is
genuinely horrible.

Because, and you really
should know this,

every time one of
Nigel Farage's dreams come true,

somewhere in the world,
an angel gets diarrhea.

The truth here is, though,
never mind leaving the EU.

It is going to be really hard

for the UK
to keep itself together.

This vote has divided
the British public.

The BBC even chose to illustrate

this division
among Britain's citizens

with a not entirely
dignified visual aid.

- So how does our jury feel
about triggering Article 50?

We gave them emoji paddles:

happy, unhappy,
or worried and confused.

Please vote now.

Four happy, three worried,
one unhappy.

Our jury, and indeed Britain,
is deeply divided

on its reaction to
the triggering of Article 50.

- Now, I know that looks stupid,

but honestly British people
are so emotionally repressed,

emojis are actually
the best way

to get a coherent sentiment
out of us.

It's pretty much that,
or baking competitions.

"Let this Victorian sponge cake
say what I never can.

I'm collapsing inside."

And with that in mind,
like many British people,

I'm really struggling
to find the words

for how difficult
and depressing

the next two years
are going to be.

So if I may try in emoji form.

Europe is feeling
crying kitty cat at the moment,

while Nigel Farage has
a full, throbbing eggplant.

And I personally am hovering
between crying face and handgun,

because it seems
our best-case scenario

is to just pray emoji
that this does not turn into

a flaming pile of shit.

And now, this.

- If I pinched your butt,
would you call police?

The answer is no.

I'll answer for you, Mr. Rose.

- Would you pinch my butt,
is the question.

- We're pro-love on
"CBS This Morning."

- Pro-love, yes we are.

- The news is back
and so is love.

- So is love.
- Love and sex are here.

- Whoa, okay.
You just went there.

- You should see what I'm
wearing underneath this dress.

- Ah-ha!

- You should see what Charlie
wears underneath his shirt.

- Whoo!

Norah, it's getting
hot in here!

- Norah knows.

- There ain't nothing shrinking
about Charlie Rose.

- Brain, nope.
Brain ain't shrinking.

I could say something else,
but I'm not.

- You want me to just
be around you more?

- Yeah, be around, yeah.

- I can do that.
- I could get more done.

I love you.

- So Charlie, what time should
Gayle and I come over tonight?

- Well, whenever.

- Do you want us
to bring anything

or will dinner be served?

- Do you remember
the answer last year?

It was bring your sister?
Remember?

- I think I need to go on a boat
with Mr. Charlie Rose, Gayle.

All right.
- I'm game.

- Me too.
- Yeah, I'm game.

- Me too.
- Oh, boy, this is why

I'm the luckiest man in
the world, right here.

- Moving on,
our main story tonight

concerns marijuana.

Basically, catnip for people.

It has gained increasing
acceptance in recent years.

In fact, one small bright spot
on election night

was pro-marijuana referenda
passing in eight states.

- It's official!

[cheering and applauding]

- A big win
for lovers of weed.

[cheering]

- Well, we are really excited.

I mean, this is a huge victory,
not just for Californians,

but for really the country
and the world.

- Everybody here should be
so excited by this.

- It's a little weird
that those celebrations happened

the same night
that Trump was elected.

It's like celebrating your
baseball team winning

on the deck
of the sinking "Titanic."

"Bit of a mixed bag today,
but still,

Go Sox!
Yankees suck!"

Now as it stands,


of medical marijuana law,

and eight have laws
allowing recreational use,

and that is good news.

The w*r on dr*gs
was futile, expensive,

and imposed
overly-harsh penalties,

especially on African-Americans,
who police data suggest

are over four times
more likely to be arrested

for marijuana possession.

Although interestingly,
white people are a million times

more likely to be shocked
by that statistic.

And this is clearly
no longer a fringe issue.

- In 1969, a Gallup poll showed



Today it's 60%.

- Exactly,
marijuana is something

we've just all
gradually decided is okay.

Like Mark Wahlberg
as a serious actor.

You know what...sure.

I've decided I'm fine with that.

But the legality of marijuana

is actually much more fraught
than you may think.

In fact, if you have
marijuana right now,

even if you're acting
completely legally

according to your state,

you may still be
in serious jeopardy,

and that's not your
weed-induced paranoia talking.

You could lose your home,
job, or possessions, Greg.

And yeah, I know
I'm freaking the shit

out of any stoned
viewer named Greg right now.

But that is not a bad thing,

because this story is genuinely
worth worrying about.

And let's begin with
going back to why marijuana

is so heavily regulated
in the first place.

It was legal at the start
of the 20th century,

but anti-drug hysteria,

fueled partly
by r*cist stereotypes

about who was using it,

led to it being gradually
outlawed around the country.

And naturally,
it was Richard Nixon,

the Mozart of
racially motivated lawmaking,

who targeted it
in his "w*r on dr*gs,"

for reasons
that he was open about,

in conversations
he inexplicably recorded.

Yes. Yes.

Quick historical footnote.

You know who
he's talking to there?

Billy Bush, yeah.

Turns out people just
open up to that guy!

Always have.

Now, Nixon--

Nixon signed the Controlled
Substances Act in 1970,

and it's
still in effect today.

Marijuana is classified as
a Schedule I drug,

the highest classification,
alongside heroin.

Schedule II, a step down,

features dr*gs like cocaine
and methamphetamine.

And marijuana
is not a Schedule I

any more than a hedgehog
is an apex predator.

You're not scaring anyone,
Roland.

Get a tattoo.

But that federal law
is constantly clashing

with new state laws,
and it's causing big problems.

For instance,
legal marijuana businesses

have struggled
to get bank accounts,

because at the federal level,

they are still seen
as criminal enterprises.

So if banks took their deposits,

that could be considered
money-laundering.

And this has meant
that businesses

had to operate all-cash.

- A hundred percent of
our revenue comes in cash.

This is federal taxes
that we pay in cash.

Also our payroll
when we pay all 12 employees,

they're getting
envelopes of cash.

These are state taxes.

- That is a shitty way
to be forced to do business.

On the suspicious scale,
"cash-stuffed envelopes"

rank somewhere between

"unfurled hundreds
dusted in white powder"

and "a wad of damp ones
containing a single pubic hair."

And if you are wondering
why he was talking

about paying his federal taxes,

yeah, amazingly,
under federal tax law,

you must declare income

even if the source of it
is illegal.

The tax code
even has provisions like,

"If you receive a bribe,
include it in your income"

and, "If you steal property,

you must report
its fair market value."

Which seems such an obvious trap
to catch criminals,

it should really be listed
on the form as,

"This is a trap.
"Are you really this stupid?

"Oh, my God, you're filling out
a federal form admitting guilt?

Aren't you,
you dumb, dumb idiot?"

So marijuana businesses
have all the tax liabilities

of other businesses,

but what they don't get
is one major advantage.

- The agency bars them

from making most
normal business deductions.

- You know, you could end up
with a tax bill far more than,

you know, any potential profit
you could ever make.

- That's right, you can't
deduct certain expenses.

And that can mean that you pay

double the amount of tax
that you would

if you were selling
any other product,

and just think about that.

That means the shop
where you bought your weed

may pay double
the amount of taxes

paid by the shop where you
ordered that shitty pizza, Greg.

Yeah, I'm talking
to you again, Greg.

I told you this was important.
Pay attention!

And it is not just
businesses facing difficulties.

It's customers, too.

Just look at Brandon Coats,

who was paralyzed from
a car accident as a teenager.

Now, he had a prescription
for medical marijuana,

but he was fired from his job
at the Dish Network

after he failed a drug test.

- What was it like for you
when they said,

"We don't want you to
work here anymore?"

- Well, it was devastating.

I mean, it's hard enough for
somebody like me to get a job.

People look at me like
they probably don't think

that I can do what I can,
you know?

- Did you think because you
had a medical-marijuana card,

that you had license
to go ahead and use it?

- Well, I was under
the impression that we had

passed a law and
that we had made it legal.

- Yeah,
it's frankly understandable

that he thought he was
doing nothing wrong.

The state
had given him a license

to use medical marijuana
legally,

and yet he got fired anyway.

And also he couldn't turn

to the Americans with
Disabilities Act for help,

because that is a federal law

and it doesn't protect
marijuana use.

All of which is pretty
frustrating.

That's like driving
exactly the speed limit

and getting pulled over
by a cop who tells you,

"Sorry, the federal
speed limit is three,

"and the legal age
to drive is 62,

"and also you have to be drunk.

Surprise, you're f*cking
under arrest now."

And even if you are only
dealing with your government

at the state level,

decades of enforcing
anti-drug laws

can result in local officials
making big mistakes,

as two Michigan parents,
one of whom treated

his epileptic seizures
with marijuana,

discovered in 2013.

- Steve and Maria Green
of Lansing

helplessly watched as
their infant daughter, Bree,

was taken from their care.
The reason given?

The state-sanctioned
medical marijuana users' home

was too dangerous
for their six-month old

because of the plants inside.

- It would place our residence

at a higher rate
of armed robbery

and therefore
was an imminent danger

for my child to be removed.

- That is just
completely absurd.

"If you have valuable
items in your home,

we might take your children."

Although I will say, that's
gonna add some real excitement

to "The Price is Right"
from now on.

"Oh, I really want
that entertainment center,

"but I love my kids.

"f*ck it, sorry Tommy,

"Daddy's going
for the plasma screen!

It's a dream, son,
a dream of mine!"

And look, I know
that some people will say,

"Well, hold on, the medical
efficacy of marijuana

needs a lot more study,"
and that is true.

The problem is,
it's very difficult to do that,

because again, federal laws
are standing in the way.

To study marijuana,
you need approval

from three different
federal agencies,

which can take years.

In fact, one scientist
was forced to wait six years

just to begin studying
its effects on PTSD,

which is a long time.

I frankly wouldn't blame her
if she'd just said,

"f*ck it, I'm studying,
'Does chocolate during sex

"help red wine
make you lose weight?'

At least that way I'll get
to go on 'The Today Show!'"

And if you're conducting
a federally-approved study

on marijuana, you can only
get it from one place.

- Dr. Mahmoud ElSohly oversees

the University of Mississippi's
Marijuana Project.

Its mission: to aid law
enforcement and produce pot

for federal study,
mostly related to addiction.

- For all intents and purposes,

you're the government's
sole producer of marijuana.

- Correct.

- It's true.

The sole source of
government-sanctioned marijuana

is that guy, at
the University of Mississippi.

So please
update your stereotypes

about the University
of Mississippi,

which I believe
is the official slogan

of the University
of Mississippi.

And while researchers
wait for marijuana

to study whether it
helps with PTSD,

plenty of
veterans will tell you,

it absolutely does.

Take Danny Belcher.

He's a Vietnam vet
who'd been prescribed

a great deal of medication
for pain and depression,

but, as he told the
Kentucky legislature in 2014,

he found that
when he tried marijuana,

it started really helping him.

- I do have my bowl of pot
in my house,

and if I wake up at night
and had a nightmare,

when I'm
wringing wet with sweat...

and I see Kramer,
his dead body,

Rodriguez, his dead body...

If that nightmare gets so bad
I can't wake up

and realize it's
just a nightmare,

I will light that pipe up,
I'll be a criminal,

I'll go back to sleep.

But next morning, I will get up
at 6:00 like I always do,

my four days a week
I go to the gym, I run.

I help other veterans.

I couldn't do that if I was on
the damn dr*gs the VA had me on.

- Exactly.

So for all the talk
you hear of marijuana

being a "gateway drug,"
in his case,

that gateway
led to peaceful sleep,

rigorous exercise,
and community service.

Pretty nice f*cking gate
it turns out.

Nice one to walk through,
if you get the chance.

Now, you may have noticed

that he said he's acting
like a criminal there,

which is a little odd,
because Kentucky actually has

a medical marijuana law
on the books.

But the shortcomings of that
law touch on many of the reasons

why "legal marijuana"

can actually be
a bit of a gray area.

For a start, Kentucky's law
has many restrictions.

It only applies
to one marijuana product,

and it requires a written order,
or a prescription,

and that is a real problem.

Because under federal law,
it is technically illegal

for any doctor to write you
a prescription for marijuana.

Now so most states, they get
around that by just calling

for a recommendation
or certification,

which doctors can give you.

But even if Kentucky's
law did that,

if Danny went to his
doctors at the VA,

they couldn't
give him anything,

because they're
a federal hospital.

And federal policy
prohibits VA doctors

from even recommending
marijuana,

regardless of state law

and regardless
of their medical opinion,

which again is a bit weird.

A doctor shouldn't be ignored
because he recommends marijuana.

A doctor should only be ignored
because he's televised.

We all agree on that.

We're all on the same page
on that one, I think.

[cheers and applause]

But here's the thing,
it gets worse.

Even if Danny
had a private doctor,

and Kentucky rewrote its law,

where would he get
marijuana from?

Because Kentucky's law also
neglected to set up any system

for legal marijuana
distribution.

So he'd have to obtain it
from somewhere else.

But where would he do that,
and how?

Now he could have it shipped,
right?

Except, no.

That would be a federal crime.

But what if he flew to a state

where marijuana is
completely legal,

and just brought it back
to Kentucky?

Here's the thing, no again.

That is also a federal crime.

Could he drive
to a neighboring state

to get what he needs?

Unfortunately, no,
because two of those states

have total
prohibitions on marijuana,

and the rest don't currently
recognize out-of-state patients.

Now, if you're thinking,
well, hold on,

could he train
a carrier pigeon

to carry the pot
from Colorado?

Yes, that's good idea,

and cool bird stamp.

But--but as
a practical matter there,

no, partly because it's illegal
and partly because you know

the bird will eat it
on the way,

stop flying, and spend
the whole night giggling

about how owls seem like
they have glasses but, like,

don't have glasses.

And that's crazy, right?

They don't know,
but it's there, right?

The point is,
if you live in Kentucky,

despite there being a law
that ostensibly gives access

to medical marijuana,
there's virtually no legal way

for you to get it.

Now, things
fractionally improved

toward the end of
the Obama administration,

because his general attitude
was essentially this...

- We still have federal laws
that classify marijuana

as an illegal substance,

but we're not going to
spend a lot of resources

trying to turn back decisions
that have been made

at the state level
on this issue.

- Right.

His attitude to pot
was basically,

"I'm not gonna
hassle you over this

unless you make me."

Essentially, the same policy
as a security guard

at a Dave Matthews concert.

And his administration issued
guidelines in that spirit.

By the end of his term,
it was actually a little easier

to study marijuana

and for dispensaries
to get bank accounts.

But those guidelines
weren't permanent,

and that could be
a real problem.

Because our new Attorney General
is Jeff Sessions,

the concept of golf
expressed in man-form,

and he--he has been pretty clear
where he stands on marijuana.

- This is not
a non-dangerous drug.

This drug is dangerous.

You cannot play with it.

It's not funny.

It's not something
to laugh about.

And trying to send
that message with clarity,

that good people
don't smoke marijuana.

Well, Lady Gaga said
she's addicted to it,

and it is not harmless.

- Yeah, okay, Jeff.

But Lady Gaga also said,

"I believe that men and women

deserve to love
each other equally,"

as well as,
"Touch me in the dark.

Put your hands
all over my body parts."

So please, Jeff, if you're
going to live your life

according to Gaga quotes,
accept the entire canon.

And listen, I'm not
saying there shouldn't be laws

that place sensible
restrictions on marijuana,

as there are
with other substances,

but our federal laws desperately
need to be brought up to date.

And perhaps there's no clearer
sense of just how establishment

that view is becoming than this.

- The Cannabis Caucus
is a bipartisan effort

to protect
state marijuana laws

and blow out outdated
federal prohibitions on weed.

Believe it or not,
these are the guys pushing

for legalized pot in Congress.

- Yes, there is now
a Cannabis Caucus in D.C.,

and it's co-chaired
by these four narcs.

And if even an 83-year-old
Republican from Alaska

has come around
on this issue,

then it's probably time
for our laws to catch up.

And there are
a bunch of ideas out there.

One bill proposed just this
week would remove marijuana

from the Controlled
Substances Act,

and officially re-name the A*F,

the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco, Marijuana,

Firearms and expl*sives,
which does really make sense.

Just get all the awesome stuff
together in one place.

In fact, why not
keep going and make it

the Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco, Marijuana,

Firearms, expl*sives,
Monster Trucks,

Motorcycle Jumps,

and Sick-Ass Leather Jackets
with Tigers on Them.

And by the way,

that jacket is even
sicker in person.

This is my jacket!

This was me this morning!

This is an actual
$6,000 Gucci jacket,

and for anyone stupid
enough to buy one of these,

it's worthless now!

I just made your jacket uncool
and worthless by wearing it!

But that bill
is just one proposal.

Fixing all of this
is a huge undertaking.

Marijuana laws
affect everything

from environmental regulations
to international treaties,

and ideally we should also
go back and expunge records

of people convicted of low-level
marijuana offenses in the past.

And all of this, I know,
is a lot of work,

which is why we should
really start right now.

Because I would argue
that it's absolutely worth it,

for people like Brandon Coats,

and for people
like Danny Belcher,

and perhaps most of all,
for Greg,

who has been freaking
the f*ck out this whole time.

I can see you, Greg,

and I can hear your thoughts.

And now, this.

- Can I do a little bit of
the Marilyn Monroe?

- Yep.
- Oh, please, do.

- Can I go over to you?
- Yes.

- ♪ Happy birthday
Charlie Rose ♪

Hey, you're too cooperative.

- Watch the hands.
- He knows what he's doing.

- Yeah, wow.
- If he puts his hands

under here, stop him, okay?

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ To you ♪

- And finally this week,

a quick update
regarding zebras.

Now, you may remember,
on our last show,

we told you about
Bolivian traffic zebras,

young people in costumes
who direct cars

and promote road safety.

And at the end of that piece,

we made the case
that adding zebras to things

is always an improvement.

We even uploaded


so you could add zebras
to whatever you wanted.

And let me just say,

you people
really came through for us.

To give you just a flavor.

You took Mariah Carey's
New Year's Eve disaster

and vastly improved it
with zebras,

you completely filled the White
House Press room with them,

and you put zebras into movies,

like "The Shining,"

"Mad Max: Fury Road,"

and naturally,
"Basic Instinct".

- It's nice.

- Thank you so much

for wasting so much
of your time with us.

The point of this

was to make painful moments
easier to swallow.

That's why we put a zebra
into Trump's inauguration.

Well, someone took that to the
next logical step.

'Cause remember Trump
riding the escalator

to announce his candidacy?

It's a pretty horrible memory,
right?

Well, get ready
to have it slightly improved.

- ♪ With your baby in hand ♪

♪ And an old street light ♪

- It's better now.

That doesn't fundamentally
change anything,

but it is just better now.

Now interestingly,
adding zebras turns out

to make great moments
even greater as well,

like this one.

- Good evening.

Tonight I can report to the
American people and to the world

that the United States
has conducted an operation

that k*lled Osama bin Laden,
the leader of al-Qaeda.

- Yeah.

And that's what I
will always remember now.

But perhaps the most exciting
thing was the response

to our piece
in Bolivia itself.

translator: I saw it live.

I was watching it on Sunday,
"Last Week Tonight,"

John Oliver's program.

And suddenly he starts
talking about the zebras.

I thought he was only
going to comment,

and suddenly he keeps talking
and talking.

He keeps talking.

- "I thought he was only
going to comment,

"and suddenly
he keeps talking and talking.

He keeps talking."

That is an entirely fair
description of this show.

And it actually gets
one step better,

because the cebritas themselves
issued a public message.

- [speaking Spanish]

translator: John Oliver,
we want to invite you

to La Paz, Bolivia,
to be a zebra for one day.

The mayor of our Wonder City,
Luis Revilla, agrees.

The 265 zebras
are waiting in La Paz.

- Now, I know it's
a friendly invitation,

but honestly there is
no world in which the phrase

"265 zebras are waiting
for you in La Paz"

does not sound
like a genuine threat.

But it's true, I have been
invited to be a zebra,

and sadly, I'm not going to be
able to do that anytime soon,

'cause I have to be here.

So this is really
a very disappointing moment

for both myself
and the nation of Bolivia.

But as I think
we both now know,

there is a real way
to improve moments like this.

Hit!

[upbeat music]

It's better now!

That's our show!

Thank you so much
for watching us.

Good night!

♪ ♪