10x17 - Israel–Hamas w*r

[bunniefuu]

Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight". I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much for joining us.
It has been a busy week!

Elections on Tuesday
saw big wins for Democrats.

Ohio voted to enshrine abortion rights
in its state constitution.

And the SAG strike
finally ended,

meaning that movies will be back
in production.

Although to be honest, I'm not even sure
that I need movies anymore,

since this 17-minute video
was released

of what I can only describe as a hamster
Gatsby living its best life.

It's a complete masterpiece!
And it goes on for 16 more minutes!

I mean, Barbenheimer was fine.

I liked it fine but be honest,
it's just not as good as that.

And I really hope you enjoyed
watching it. I really do.

Because we're going to dive straight
in with our main story tonight,

which concerns the ongoing
w*r between Israel and Hamas.

A sentence which is a terrible way
to start a comedy show,

and a great way to end a first date.

And look, before we even begin,

I know a lot of the conversation
surrounding this

has been extremely heated.

You may have seen friends
or coworkers posting hot takes

that've shocked you.

Suddenly, that guy who offered
you coke at a wedding is writing

thesis-long Instagram stories
on the two-state solution,

Kathy from work is posting
something that's antisemitic

in a way that you really hope
she doesn't realize,

and it's all shoved in between
your favorite influencer showing hole,

while also calling
for a free Palestine.

The internet is a wild place.

Things are, understandably,
very tense right now,

and it seems like everyone is finding
themselves making mistakes,

and I do mean everyone.

Meanwhile, Kmart has had to pull one
its Christmas items off the shelf

because of its unfortunate wording.

The shopping giant selling ham
Christmas calico bags

with the slogan Merry Ham-mas.

Which appears to be too similar
to the t*rror1st group Hamas.

Yeah, that is too similar!

It'd be like naming
your child John Blaine Gacy

it's too close for comfort!

But spare a thought
for Australian Kmart there,

how were they supposed to know that
Hamas was gonna launch

a t*rror1st att*ck so close
to the Ham-mas season?

A thing we all definitely celebrate
and have heard of before.

It feels like Ham-mas starts
a little earlier every year, doesn't it?

One day it's Ham-oween,

the next, your neighbor's
hanging up Hammas lights.

And celebrities have also found out
the hard way

that it's easy to get things wrong.

A few weeks ago, Justin Bieber
posted "praying for Israel"

over a picture of a devastated city

that he apparently didn't realize
was actually Gaza.

He then deleted the post and re-posted
the same prayers

over a blank background.

Which, as we now know,
thankfully did solve everything.

There was also a statement issued
by a group of celebrities

calling for the immediate
return of Israeli hostages,

which TMZ covered like this.

Anyone involved, it seems,
in the Hollywood industry

all put their names to a letter
to President Biden.

It really does feel like it's everyone.
It's Chris Rock, it's Gwyneth Paltrow,

it's Adam Sandler.

Let me ask you something. Who doesn't
want to get the hostages out?

Bradley Cooper. You're right.

It's a non-statement. Of course,
everyone wants to get the hostages out.

I just think it's beyond ridiculous.
If we played that out for a second.

Joe Biden's going to get this
open letter, and be like what?

"Oh my God, The Rock signed this."

"We have to get the hostages out."
Like, are you kidding me?

Yeah, as much as I hate to agree
with paparazzi SportsCenter,

they're right about the.

The Rock probably isn't going to solve
the conflict in the Middle East.

It's one of those things so obvious
it shouldn't need saying,

like pie tastes good,
or rainbows are pretty,

or Yoshi is amazing in the sack.
Look at that tongue.

End of discussion.

But even as Harvey Levin leveled
some fair critiques

on the utter futility of celebrity,

he couldn't help taking a pretty
strong stance of his own.

- The statement of a ceasefire…
- They want Israel to stop attacking.

And so, you are gonna then allow
Hamas to come back in

and try to exterminate the Jews
in Israel and end Israel.

Presumably, the ceasefire means that
Hamas should not be attacking either.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- That's exactly what it means.

Hamas att*cked in the first place.
This was a t*rror1st att*ck.

And the idea that
there's going to be a ceasefire now

invites Hamas just to do it again.

Yeah, TMZ is now hashing out
its preferred solutions

for what's happening
in the Middle East.

Raising many questions, including,
what exactly is TMZ now?

It used to be ESPN for B-listers
leaving the airport and stories like,

"This Celebrity d*ed and Not Even
Their Family Knows Yet",

and now it's doing geopolitics.

Pick a lane, guys!

It's either "Josh Gad Spills Ice Cream
on His Dog"

or "Ariel Sharon's Impact on U.S.
Foreign Policy". You can't have both!

The point is, there are strong opinions
everywhere

and in some cases, they've
undeniably been informed by bigotry.

"Antisemitic and islamophobic
incidents including violent assaults"

"have spiked in the U.S."
in the past month.

To put it mildly, it's not been
an easy time to wear a yarmulke

or a hijab in America
over the last month.

And I say that knowing it's not
necessarily been easy on our best days.

So, there are a thousand different
reasons why this is hard to talk about,

but it does feel
important to at least try.

As you undoubtedly know,
on October the 7th,

Hamas-led militants launched
an unprecedented and brutal att*ck

against Israel, k*lling over


including women
and children in their homes,

in what has ended up being

"the deadliest day for Jews
since the Holocaust".

Over 200 hostages were taken,
including a nine-month-old baby,

most of whom have not been returned.

It was hideous and it was sickening.

In response, Israel has launched
what's now become

a month-long siege of Gaza,

cutting off nearly all water, food,
electricity, and fuel to the territory.

In just the first six days of the w*r,
it dropped 6,000 bombs

on a strip of land just 25 miles long,
and at most seven miles wide.

That is nearly as many as the
record number that the U.S. dropped

on Afghanistan in a single year.

As of this taping, more than 11,000
people had been k*lled,

including at least 4,000 children.

There is almost no piece of footage
that I could show you

from Gaza that is not horrifying
or heartbreaking.

But we did find one piece
of footage

where a child very aptly sums up
what things are like there.

How have the past few days been,
Abdulaziz?

- Like sh*t.
- It's okay, we can cut it out.

Tell me, how have the past few days
been, Abdulaziz? Explain to us.

You mean about the w*r?

Yes. How has it been with the w*r?

Like sh*t!

Yeah, of course, it feels like sh*t.

There is no other way to put it.

And I'm honestly glad that
he didn't even try there.

I also appreciate him asking
for clarification

when the reporter started over.

Just to be clear, you're asking what
it's like to live through this w*r?

Okay, I got it! My answer remains,
like sh*t! Next question, please.

And I've got to say, it is hard to see
a kid like that,

and then hear glib pronouncements
like this one,

from Representative
Brian Mast of Florida.

I would encourage the other side to
not so lightly throw around the idea

of innocent Palestinian
civilians, as is frequently said.

I don't think we would so lightly
throw around the term

innocent n*zi civilians
during World w*r II.

There's not this far stretch to say

there are very few innocent
Palestinian civilians.

That is not only disgusting,

it's also, evidently, the sort of thing
you're allowed to get away

with saying on the House floor
with zero repercussions

because that's apparently where
the conversation is right now.

But just so we're very clear,

there are absolutely innocent
Palestinian civilians,

in the same way that there are
Floridians who aren't braindead bigots

with a penis for a head.

A region's worst does
not represent them all.

And look, we don't have time to talk
about the history

of the Middle East tonight.

And I know what you're thinking,
"But John, are you sure about that?"

"Aren't you school?"
Well, fun fact: I'm not!

I'm actually technically a comedy
show, I just hide it better than most.

So, I'm not gonna get into the thousands
of years of generational trauma

informing the response to this,
including the Holocaust,

and the Nakba, or mass, violent
displacement of Palestinians

during and after Israel's founding.

I'm also not gonna do a historical
blow-by-blow

of how Palestinians came to live
in Gaza and the West Bank right now.

You can Google that for
yourselves or even Bing it!

That's honestly completely fine, too!

Although I will say, I wouldn't
Ask Jeeves about this,

he has some unexpectedly
pretty nasty views on the subject.

Instead, I'd like to zero in on one
of the biggest misconceptions

you may've been hearing over
the last few weeks.

Specifically, the tendency
to collapse leaders and citizens

when discussing this,

to assume that Netanyahu speaks
for all Israelis,

or that Hamas speaks
for all Palestinians.

Because that is emphatically
not the case.

So, tonight, let's look at Hamas
and Netanyahu,

how they came to be in power,

whose interests they do
and don't represent,

and what role they've played
in bringing us to this current conflict.

And let's start with Hamas.
It's been around since 1987,

and has governed Gaza
for the last 17 years.

It was founded, in part, in opposition
to where Palestinian politics

was headed at the time, with the
dominant political party, Fatah,

embracing a peace process
with Israel.

A process, by the way, the Palestinians
had high hopes for when it started.

But Hamas branded itself as the part
of resistance to Israel,

and undermined the peace process
with a long series of att*cks

and su1c1de bombings.

And as prospects for peace collapsed,

Hamas seems to be vindicated
in its messaging.

And you can see that philosophy
continuing through to today.

This senior Hamas official,
Ghazi Hamad, recently doubled down

on the m*ssacre of October the 7th,
by saying,

"We must teach Israel a lesson, and
we will do it twice, and three times".

And for many commentators, all the
citizens of Gaza are implicated

in that sort of rhetoric, thanks to one
key fact that you hear all the time.

The people of Gaza, the Palestinians,
elected Hamas people,

Hamas fighters, Hamas t*rrorists
to their board of governors.

The people in Gaza elected Hamas.

It's a t*rror1st organization,
that is their government.

How do you say Hamas doesn't
represent the Palestinian people

when they voted Hamas
in to represent them?

Okay, so very quickly, that is Tucker
Carlson's replacement at Fox,

Jesse Watters.

He's a lot like Tucker,
except less charismatic,

way dumber,
and with somehow even more

of an "I've k*lled someone during
a fraternity hazing accident" vibe.

Which is really saying something.

Because look, it is true that Gazans
did, at one point, elect Hamas.

But if you think that makes them
all complicit in w*r crimes

their government commits, then
boy, do I have bad news for you

about decades of U.S. foreign policy.

And also, there are some huge
asterisks on Gazans electing Hamas.

First, that election happened in 2006,
and there hasn't been one since.

And given that children make up roughly
half of Gaza's population,

that means most Gazans weren't even
born when the last election took place.

What's more, Hamas
didn't win a majority,

it only with a "bare plurality"
of the votes.

And it did so by running against Fatah,

which was widely reviled for
incompetence and corruption at the time.

Those were the key issues
in that election.

Also, Hamas went
out of its way to present itself

as more moderate back then.

In fact, here is that same Hamas
official who recently justified

the October 7th att*cks,
shortly before that 2006 election.

We are a moderate organization, really.

We are not radical organization,
and we are not extremist

or fundamentalist. No, we are
an open-minded organization.

We believe in democracy and the
freedom and political pluralization.

Yeah, Hamas really tried
to rebrand itself.

Kind of like Domino's did when they
ran ads admitting

that "the sauce tastes like ketchup"
"the crust tastes like cardboard,"

and they promised to work days,
nights, and weekends' to get better.

But, unfortunately, like Domino's,

Hamas is a terrible organization
that in no way kept its promises.

Because in the years following,

that tone of openminded
freedom clearly fell away.

Not only has there not
been another election,

most people in Gaza don't believe
they have the freedom to speak openly.

One poll found that,
under Hamas rule,


participate in a peaceful protest

was not protected, or was
protected only to a limited extent.

And human rights groups
have said that,

Hamas forces have carried out a brutal
campaign of abductions, t*rture,

and unlawful killings against
Palestinians accused

of collaborating with Israel,

and have att*cked members
and supporters of Fatah,

their main political rival.

And the truth is, many Gazans
will say that they don't want

Hamas in charge.

Polls show, if true peace
were achievable,

many Palestinians would embrace it.

One conducted right before
October 7th found 73% favoring

a peaceful settlement
to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

And it's notable that in July, despite
all the restrictions on dissent in Gaza,

there were actually people on
the streets chanting slogans including,

"f*ck off, Hamas"
and, "We want to live".

And look, even if all Palestinians
in Gaza did support Hamas,

which they do not, the relentless
bombings of civilians there

would still be abhorrent.
Collective punishment is a w*r crime.

But the fact is, there is much more
criticism of Hamas in Gaza

than Americans, in general,
and these dipshits, in particular,

are willing to admit. Palestinians
in Gaza are not a monolith.

And nor, importantly, are Israelis.

Because now, let's talk
about Benjamin Netanyahu,

a man who has been prime minister
of Israel for a combined 16 years.

Here in the U.S., discussion of the
current conflict sometimes conflates

the current Israeli government
with Israel as a whole,

as if the two are entirely
representative of each other.

You'll hear, "We need to
support Bibi and Israel,"

or, "This is not a time
to criticize Netanyahu."

But that is not the case within Israel.

Criticism of Netanyahu there is fierce.

One poll found that 76% of Israelis
want him gone,

and many blame him for the security
lapses that led

to the October 7th att*ck.

And immediately after that att*ck,

videos went viral of Netanyahu
ministers visiting hospitals

where some of the victims were
recuperating, and being yelled at.

Just watch this one minister essentially
get chased out of the hospital,

first by a family member, and then
by somebody who worked there.

You're responsible for this.
Get out of here.

You're hindering this nation from
finding the way to move forward.

You're disturbing us.

You've been a really good girl, haven't
you? All of you ruined this country!

You ruined it! Now get out of here,

it's our turn now to take control!

Left-wing, right-wing,
one united nation, without you!

You ruined everything!
Get out of here!

That is pretty intense. I don't know
much about medicine,

but after seeing that, I'm going to
assume that the Hippocratic Oath

actually goes,
"First: do no harm,"

and, "Second: if unwelcome government
officials are upsetting people

in your hospital,
kick them the f*ck out."

Because he was clapping at her
there like you do when you're trying

to get a bird out of your house.

And while that anger at Netanyahu
has certainly intensified

since October 7th,
it's also been there for a long time.

Before the att*ck, Israel saw
nearly 40 weeks of protests,

including hundreds of thousands
of Israelis marching in the streets,

in opposition to his plan that
would effectively end

the independence of the judiciary
and endanger civil rights.

And look, Netanyahu has always
been a hardliner.

He's forged his entire political persona
around an extreme version

of safety through strength.

Which has included active opposition
to the peace process at crucial points.

When former Israeli Prime Minister
Yitzak Rabin agreed

to the Oslo Peace Accords,

which attempted to set a framework
for an eventual resolution

of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict,

Netanyahu was fiercely against it.

Infamously speaking at a rally
where protestors chanted,

"In blood and fire,
we will expel Rabin,"

and held aloft depictions of him
in a n*zi uniform.

Soon after that, Rabin was k*lled
by a far-right Israeli extremist,

and Rabin's widow blamed Netanyahu
for stoking the flames that led to that.

And in the wake of that assassination,

Netanyahu's political
career seemed dead

and it wasn't until a series of bus
bombings by Hamas in Israel,

as part of their own efforts
to derail the peace accords,

that Netanyahu was first elected
prime minister.

And his message of, "I am the only one
who can keep you safe,"

has been consistent ever since.

Here he is in the run-up to Israel's


making that point again.

I feel the Jewish nation
is under thr*at,

and I'm prepared to mitigate
that danger.

It's what the state of Israel expects
from me, and it's what I'll do.

Well, that is a big claim that just
hasn't dated very well.

Honestly, I haven't seen
a politician's words age so poorly

since Hillary Clinton tweeted,

"Happy birthday
to this future president."

So, he has always been hard-right.

But it's worth taking a minute
to underscore just how extreme

his current government is.

Because the truth is, Netanyahu has
been struggling to hold office

in the last half a decade.

Voters there actually endured five
elections in just four years

because neither Netanyahu nor anyone
else could form a stable majority.

He only made it back into power
last year,

by forming a coalition with those
on the furthest right wing

of Israeli politics, leading
to the most right-wing government

in the country's history.
His cabinet is stocked with extremists.

Take Itamar Ben-Gvir.

He's been convicted
on at least eight charges,

including supporting a t*rror1st
organization and incitement to racism.

He was once considered so fringe,
the Israeli Army rejected him

from mandatory service.

But he's now Netanyahu's minister
of national security.

Meanwhile, his current finance minister,
Bezalel Smotrich, has said,

"Is there a Palestinian history
or culture? There is none.

There is no such thing
as a Palestinian people."

He's also advocated
for victory through settlement,

very basically seizing land
in the West Bank,

and driving Palestinians from
their homes to the point where,

quote, "I abort their hopes
of establishing a state."

Settlements are widely understood
to be against international law,

yet Smotrich wants a massive
expansion of them,

and Netanyahu gave him a special
role in charge of settlement affairs.

But perhaps the most surprising way that
Netanyahu has actually jeopardized

Israel's safety, is that, for years,

he deliberately used Hamas as a way
to undermine the Palestinian Authority,

a rival to Hamas, which
administers parts of the West Bank

and has much more legitimacy
on the world stage.

Experts say that the idea was basically
divide and conquer

if Palestinian leadership remains split,

and one of the main parties at the table
has a terrorism label on it,

it's gonna be much easier for Netanyahu
to refuse to engage with them,

and say that he has no partner
for peace.

Here is Smotrich explaining
that strategy out loud in 2015.

The Palestinian Authority is a burden
and Hamas is a t*rror1st organization

that no one will recognize,

and no one will give it status
in the ICC.

No one will let them lead a decision
in the security council.

The main pitch we are playing right now
is international delegitimization.

Hamas, at this point, in my opinion,
will be an asset.

"Hamas is an asset."

If you are calling the group that has
repeatedly k*lled your people

an "asset," it shows pretty clearly
that what you care about isn't safety,

but total control. And for years,
Netanyahu's government

was actually allowing suitcases
of cash to be delivered to Hamas,

something, by the way, that earned
suitcases of cash the title

"Most Morally Disreputable
Way to Transfer Money"

for the 900th year in a row.

When the scandal broke,
Netanyahu insisted

that that money
was for "humanitarian aid".

Which still doesn't explain why it had
to be delivered in luggage

in the back of a f*cking car.

The point is, Netanyahu took the risk
of betting that he could control Hamas

and use them to his own ends.

And he was horribly wrong about that,

to the point that his ministers are now
getting screamed out of hospitals.

To recap so far:

Palestinians and Israelis have both
been relentlessly let down

by their leaders, and the result
has been a decades-long cycle

of extremism, v*olence,
retaliation, and more extremism.

And Palestinians have been on the
receiving end of that extremism

twice over

subject to the inadequacies
and cruelties

of a Hamas government
and the punishing isolation

and daily misery of an Israeli one.

Because Israel's approach to Gaza
has been truly punishing,

fencing people in, limiting exits,

and trapping them inside of what has
been called an "open-air prison"

by many human rights organizations.

Life under a blockade there
has been hard for a long time,

even when there aren't bombs flying.

The United Nations says just 10%
of Gaza's two million people

have access to safe drinking water.

My children get sick
because of the water.

They suffer from vomiting, diarrhea.

All the streets are full of the trashes,
all of the garbage.

All the people, they have no work.
They have no employment.

When people here run out of electricity
here, they only get three hours a day.

They can either buy a small
battery to try to operate lights,

or they just go outside and light fires.

This life has given Imad,
like many Gazans,

a sense of having little to lose.

Right, and you can't really blame him
for feeling that way.

Once you've lost clean water, sanitary
space, job prospects,

and most electricity, there's really
not much left to lose but hope.

And it's worth noting that there is one
more major player in all of this

that I haven't mentioned yet,
and it's us.

And I don't just mean the British,

who are absolutely responsible
for some of this.

I'm talking about America.

Because this country has
emphatically picked a side.

In recent years, we've given Israel
$3.8 billion a year in m*llitary aid.

And you can make geopolitical
arguments

for why that is or isn't a valid thing
to do.

But it means we're heavily implicated
in everything you've just seen.

Just listen to Bassam Aramin,

a Palestinian whose 10-year-old
daughter was k*lled

by an Israeli border guard in 2007.

My daughter has been k*lled with
an American rubber b*llet,

unfortunately, from an American
M16, unfortunately,

from an American Jeep,
American uniform,

and the soldier had trained in America.

So, everything is American.

Right. "Everything is American."
And I know that is hard to hear.

But the fact is, "Made in America"
is something

that we understandably love to brag
about when it's slapped on things

that we're proud of, but unfortunately,
it's not just tractors, truck nuts,

and Toby Keith songs.

Sometimes it's stuff
that's k*lling people.

And so, having explained at least
some of how we got here,

now might be the time to talk
about where we are.

As of right now, Hamas is still holding
all but four of the hostages

that it's taken and f*ring rockets
towards Israel every day.

And Israel is
bombing relentlessly,

again, thousands in Gaza
have been k*lled so far,

which honestly, shouldn't be a total
shock given that early on,

an IDF spokesperson said out loud,

"The emphasis is on damage
and not accuracy."

And there have been some maddening
efforts to downplay

the suffering in Gaza, like when
Israel's ambassador to the UN said this

last weekend.

There is no humanitarian crisis
in Gaza.

In coordination with the U.S.
and the UN,

we allowed the number of trucks
entering Gaza now with food

and medicines to reach almost


You've said this before, that there
is no humanitarian crisis in Gaza.

That's kind of an amazing statement

because there were humanitarian
problems there before the w*r.

And now, obviously,
it has gotten bad.

Take their numbers aside.
It has gotten to the crisis point.

I'm not saying that the life
in Gaza is great.

Okay. But "I'm not saying it's great"
is a severe understatement there.

That is something you say
when you're describing the band

at a wedding, or a sandwich
from Panera Bread.

But it's not how you describe life
in the middle of a f*cking w*r zone.

Because those on the
ground in Gaza will tell you

it's absolutely a humanitarian crisis.

Just watch this woman who works
with Doctors Without Borders.

It is the worst humanitarian
catastrophe I have experienced.

There's an acronym
in the Gaza Strip right now.

I'm a pediatric intensive care doctor.
I see a lot of suffering in my career.

There is an acronym that is unique
to the Gaza Strip,

and it's WCNSF.

Wounded Child,
No Surviving Family.

And it is used not infrequently
in the last three weeks.

Wounded Child, No Surviving Family
should not exist as an acronym.

She's right. And personally,
I'm gonna take my cues

about what constitutes a humanitarian
crisis from the humanitarians here.

And I really don't have it in me to
show you footage

of people in agony tonight.

But I do want
you to see some kids in Gaza

who've been displaced speak
about what they've been going through.

- We can't sleep sometimes.
- Why?

Because those things…
Because of fear.

We fear for our lives.

I would start trembling.

My hands would tremble
and start to hurt.

I hope things calm down.

A truce, and that no one else
would get hurt.

I hope the fighting
stops and we can go home

to our houses, and sleep and chill
out. I would really like that.

Yeah, I'd really like them to be able
to chill the f*ck out too.

Cause kids should never be losing sleep
due to the fear of w*r,

they should only be losing sleep
for completely normal kid reasons,

like tummy aches from
eating too much candy

or, apparently, for Australian kids,
staying up excited all night

because it's Christmas Eve
and you can't wait to see

if Santa brought you a brand-new bag
for all of your holiday ham

for some deeply weird reason.

It should be impossible to watch
those kids and not feel shattered.

There is a natural human impulse
to protect children.

To grab a toddler you don't know if
you see them running into traffic.

And if that impulse is broken or
discentivized by a government,

there is absolutely
a humanitarian crisis

no matter what any assh*le
has to say about it.

And look, I don't have a solution
for peace in the Middle East.

And even if I did, which again,
I don't,

this really would be the worst voice
in which to relay that message.

But it does seem to me, personally,
that a ceasefire has to be

the first step.

That is something that people have
been calling for all over the world,

but it's something that world
leaders have been reluctant to say.

Just watch Justin Trudeau almost
say it, and then correct himself.

We need to see a cease…

We need to see a humanitarian pause
so we can flow…

We need to see a ceasing of the levels
of v*olence that we're seeing.

He stopped himself mid-word there.

He literally ordered a ceasefire
on the word ceasefire.

My only regret is that he didn't just
keep that word salad

or word poutine going,

"We need a ceasing of the v*olence,

a stopping of the explosions,
sort of a halting of the booms.

A halt-a-boom would be great
right now."

And it's not just Trudeau,

Joe Biden has said there
is no possibility of a ceasefire.

Which is a hell of a thing to hear
from perhaps the only world leader

whose pressure could actually
make one possible.

And listen, there are those,
like noted Mid-East peace expert

Harvey Levin,
who will say, and not wrongly,

that there are real dangers
to a ceasefire,

that Hamas might regroup
once the bombing stops.

Although that's arguably gonna be
a danger whenever it stops.

So why not stop right now?

Continuing down this path
only creates more extremists,

which is the last thing
that anybody needs.

And I don't want to say anything that
denies the pain of those in Israel,

who have lost loved ones
to a truly barbarous act,

or who are waiting anxiously
for the return of hostages.

Although you should know,

some hostages' families are also
utterly furious at the m*llitary tactics

that Netanyahu's employing right now.

We have to engage in negotiations.
We have to do it now.

They say that the only solution is
to destroy, to flatten Gaza.

They never mention the hostages,
never.

Right. And you can see how
infuriating that would be.

I know that for many Israelis, there
is an understandable sense of fear

and precarity right now,

amid the specter of Hamas att*cks
and rockets flying overhead.

But it's worth also acknowledging
the overwhelming sense of precarity

among Palestinians,
living under a blockade,

and a barrage of Israeli rockets.

And it has to be possible to feel
the pain in one community

without denying it in another.
It has to be.

That is, perhaps, the most
necessary precondition for peace.

Because real peace here
will clearly be difficult.

It's gonna be struggled toward,
as part of a larger pursuit of justice,

which will in turn require an honest
and uncomfortable reckoning

with all the decisions
that brought us to this point.

And I know that hope is scarce
right now,

but I did see something this week
which gave me a seed of hope.

It involved this Israeli man,
Rami Elhanan,

who lost his 14-year-old daughter
to a Hamas su1c1de bombing



He actually co-directs a group
called The Parents Circle,

with that Palestinian man
that I showed you earlier,

where parents who've lost children
to this conflict get together

to work toward peace.

Elhanan was asked if recent events
had changed his worldview at all,

and his response is worth listening to.

You know, we are in a circle
of blood for the last 75 years.

And this is just another round.

Nobody expected the viciousness
and the cruelty of this round,

but it was expected.

You cannot put two million
people in a box, close the cover,

and expect nothing will happen.
It will not stop unless we talk.

You cannot annihilate Hamas.

You cannot ignore six million people,
Palestinians,

living here in the Holy Land.

And you cannot expect them to go
away. They will not go away.

We will not go away. We are doomed
to live here together,

and we have to choose whether
to share this land

or to share the graveyard under it.

Exactly. And it is inspiring that,
despite what that man went through,

he's still committed to achieving
peace through talking.

And it shows that any conversation
around this has to begin

with empathy or we're just f*cked.

And obviously, we don't know
how all this ends.

But there are a few things we do know.

We know that dehumanizing
people leads to v*olence.

We know that v*olence leads to
even more brutality and destruction.

We know that, crucially, breaking that
cycle is unfortunately gonna require

leadership significantly different
than the ones currently in place.

And now, this.

And Now: Rachel Campos-Duffy Really,
Really Needs You To Know

That Her Husband Was Once
In Congress.

I brought this up to you guys before. I
have a husband who was in Congress.

Will, it's so funny you mention that

because my husband got to do
that when he was in Congress.

My husband is a former member
of Congress, as you know.

My husband hires young people
all the time,

when he was a member of Congress.

I've been to so many town halls with
my husband when he was in Congress.

- Your brother was in Congress?
- My husband was in Congress.

So interesting because if you talk
to people like my husband,

who was in Congress.

When my husband was in Congress,
we would do dairy breakfasts.

Every day, when my husband
was in Congress…

My husband,
when he was in Congress…

My husband was in Congress.

My husband was in Congress
for 10 years.

You have something in common with my
husband, who's a member of Congress.

My husband was elected to Congress.

Let me get to another topic
that I find very interesting.

As you know, my husband
was a member of Congress.

Moving on. Finally, tonight,
a quick update about New Zealand.

You may remember, last week,

we waded into their highly competitive
Bird of the Century contest

run by the conservation
organization Forest & Bird.

Basically, every year New Zealanders
vote for their favorite bird

and ultimately elect a new bird king.

It's just excellent.

And we announced ourselves
as the official campaign managers

of this bird, the Puteketeke.

And I'll never tire of saying
that out loud. Puteketeke.

It's the bird name equivalent
of rubbing your gums with cocaine

or filling your mouth with Pop Rocks
and chugging a Coke.

And look at the plumage involved.

It has the grace of a swan
and the hair of an emo Guy Fieri.

To campaign for it, we put up ads
in New Zealand, Paris, Mumbai,

Tokyo, and London.

We flew a banner
over Ipanema Beach in Brazil,

and, naturally, put up a billboard
in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.

And it seems our
promotion worked

because there was such a huge influx
of votes this week

that, according to Forest & Bird,

their voting verification system got
overloaded and temporarily crashed.

They're actually having to delay
the announcement of the winner

until Wednesday. So, while we
don't yet know who won,

I do want to take a moment
to address the response

to our campaign in New Zealand.
Because it wasn't all positive.

John Oliver, the late-night host,
and former bird himself…

Come on! It's the news!

Has made his pick for Forest & Bird's
Bird of the Century competition

known to the world.

All of John Oliver's work, including
this "Lord of the Wings" poster

in Wellington,
may not convince Kiwis.

- You wouldn't vote for it, still?
- Not on the basis of that photo.

And he's not the only one.

Kiwi campaigner Erin Reilly
calling it "fowl" play.

B-grade American celebrity coming
out and essentially hijacking

Bird of the Century.
I don't even think he likes birds.

Hey, hey, hey!
Okay, now I'm insulted.

Not because of the "B-grade
American celebrity" part,

that's honestly generous. But how
dare you say I don't like birds.

I love them.
I just don't like your bird.

Because it looks like
Donkey Kong's hairy testicle.

It looks like a rat carrying
a toothpick.

But she wasn't the only New Zealander
who got a little testy with us.

There was also this woman.

You want to take the piss out
of our very important election,

then I send 14 emails to everyone
on your team to try

and get you to come and defend
yourself on another bird debate

and you said no.

That's a stool for you, John Oliver,

if you want to put your money where
your mouth is about your bird.

- Empty chair.
- Do you have a bird?

Yeah, Kereru. It's the best bird.

Okay, okay, okay,
let me address that.

Of course, I said no to that debate.

I don't even know how to argue
with someone who is that wrong.

This is the best bird?

Please, it's a f*cking pigeon
in a t*nk top. Debate over.

I'm not getting on a plane
to destroy you like that.

And look, some bird campaigners
did accept our interference

with grace, like supporters
of the Titipounamu,

who posted this image saying

"That's me in the corner,
that's me in the spotlight,

losing a bird competition."

But others came out swinging.

Supporters of the Kakariki Karaka
designed this retaliatory billboard,

saying, "Dear John,
don't disrupt the pecking order,"

and put them up all over the place.

And I really respect
that kind of aggression.

But the Kakariki Karaka has no business
being in this competition.

Bird of the
Century is a contest for real birds,

not bright-green cat toys.

Even this professional basketball
team got involved,

posting this video of a billboard
they put up alongside their mascot

and Bird of the Year pick, the Kea.

And if you missed it there,
that billboard says,

"The only bird worse than
the Puteketeke is Zazu."

And I will admit,
that is pretty good.

But here's the thing,
the joke is on you.

You photoshopped my face
onto cartoon Zazu.

I'm not that one.
I'm not the fun one.

I'm the terrifying one that puts Pride
Rock smack dab in the middle

of the uncanny valley.

Then there was the campaign
for the Southern Dotterel

which posted this photo of it walking
in on me in bed with a Puteketeke.

Again, very good,

and I love all the tiny details,
from the post-bird-sex cigarette

that I'm holding in my hand
to the choice of the dotterel photo.

Because that is exactly the expression
a Dotterel would make

if it walked in on its spouse
cheating on it.

But amid all the blowback, there was
one accusation that I cannot let pass.

And it comes from that campaigner
for the Kiwi that you saw earlier,

who told a news outlet, "He doesn't
even like New Zealand, to be honest.

Any time we feature on his
show it's so he can laugh at us.

We're the butt of his jokes
and he's doing it again."

And look, yeah, I am doing it again.
Yeah, I am.

But it is not because I don't like you.
It's 'cause I f*cking love you.

New Zealand, you are so good
at not just talking sh*t,

but taking it
with remarkable good humor.

I talk about you so much because
you're the most fascinating country.

You hold bird contests, you sometimes
throw dildos at your politicians,

you let your people submit
images like this for your national flag.

You're an endless well of joy.

I'd talk about you every week if it
weren't for all the other crazy sh*t

going on in the world.
I would rename this show.

I would rename this show
"New Zealand Tonight with John Oliver,"

and it would be an immediate
improvement. And for the record.

All of your birds are great,

and it would be an honor to lose to any
of them when results are announced.

And the reason it is so easy for me
to say that is,

we're not gonna lose, are we?

We're gonna win.
And we're gonna win by a lot.

And when we do that, the Puteketeke
will be your Bird of the Century,

and there is nothing that any of you
can do to stop that right now.

Maybe good luck next century,
New Zealand.

That's our show, thank you so much
for watching,

we'll see you next week, goodnight!