01x02 - The Target

[bunniefuu]

[♪ The Ink Spots:
"Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall"]

[dogs whining]

♪ Into each life ♪

♪ Some rain must fall ♪

[puppy yelps]

♪ But too much is falling ♪

♪ In mine ♪

[whimpers]

♪ Into each heart ♪

♪ Some tears must fall ♪

♪ But someday the sun ♪

♪ Will shine ♪

[dogs barking]

♪ Some folks can lose the blues ♪

♪ In their hearts ♪

♪ But when I think of you...

[doctor] May I?

♪ Another shower starts ♪

So good.

♪ Into each life ♪

- ♪ Some rain ♪
- Come on.

- ♪ Must fall ♪
- Thank you.

♪ But too much is falling in mine ♪

♪ Into each life ♪

♪ Some rain must fall ♪

♪ But too much ♪

♪ Too much is fallin' in mine ♪

♪ Into each heart ♪

♪ Some tears must fall ♪

♪ But someday ♪

♪ The sun will shine ♪

♪ Some folks can lose...

Yes. Okay.

♪ The blues in their hearts ♪

- ♪ But when I think of you ♪
- Hey, let's look at this.

♪ Another ♪

- ♪ Shower starts ♪
- Okay. Oh!

♪ Into each life ♪

♪ Some rain must fall ♪

Sit.

- ♪ But too much ♪
- [CX404 whimpers]

- ♪ Is fallin' in mine...
- Sit.

Sit.

Sit. Sit.

- ♪ Every life ♪
- Good girl.

♪ Some rain has got to fall ♪

- ♪ But too much of that stuff is ♪
- Come on.

- ♪ Fallin' ♪
- Bed.

♪ Into mine...

Is that a good place for you?

♪ And into each heart ♪

♪ Some tears gotta fall ♪

♪ But I know that someday
that sun is bound to shine ♪

♪ Some folks can lose ♪

♪ The blues in their hearts ♪

♪ But when I think of you ♪

♪ Another shower starts ♪

♪ Into each life ♪

♪ Some rain must fall ♪

♪ But too much is ♪

♪ Fallin' in mine ♪♪

[dark, dramatic music playing]

Aah!

[device buzzes, whirrs]

[groans]

[panting]

[CX404 whines]

It's okay.

- ["Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall" resumes]
- ♪ Some folks can lose ♪

♪ The blues in their hearts ♪

♪ But when I think of you ♪

♪ Another shower starts ♪

Come.

- ♪ Into each life ♪
- Get in there. Go on.

- Get in your bed.
- ♪ Some rain must fall ♪

- ♪ But too much ♪
- [whimpers]

- ♪ Is fallin' in mine ♪♪
- [door opens]

- [ominous music playing]
- What is that?

[muffled, indistinct conversation]

[growls]

[alarm blares]

[man screaming]

[CX404 growling]

- [crunch]
- [CX404 growls]

[alarm wailing]

[intense music playing]

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

[♪ Bing Crosby: "Don't Fence Me In"]

♪ Oh, give me land, lots of land ♪

♪ Under starry skies above ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪

♪ Let me ride through
the wide open country ♪

♪ That I love ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪

♪ Let me be by myself ♪

♪ In the evenin' breeze ♪

♪ And listen to the murmur ♪

♪ Of the cottonwood trees ♪

♪ Send me off forever ♪

♪ But I ask you, please ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪

♪ Just turn me loose ♪

♪ Let me straddle my old saddle ♪

♪ Underneath the Western skies ♪

- [sighs] The heck?
- ♪ On my Cayuse ♪

♪ Let me wander over yonder ♪

♪ Till I see the mountains rise ♪

♪ I want to ride to the ridge ♪

♪ Where the West commences ♪

♪ And gaze at the moon ♪

♪ Till I lose my senses ♪

♪ And I can't look at hobbles ♪

♪ And I can't stand fences ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪

♪ Let me be by myself ♪

♪ In the evenin' breeze ♪

♪ And listen to the murmur ♪

♪ Of the cottonwood trees ♪

♪ Send me off forever ♪

♪ But I ask you, please ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪♪

[haunting music playing]

- ["Don't Fence Me In" resumes]
- ♪ Just turn me loose ♪

♪ Let me straddle my old saddle ♪

♪ Underneath the Western skies ♪

♪ On my Cayuse ♪

- ♪ Let me wander ♪
- [Lucy] A teepee of tinder

- ♪ Over yonder till I see the mountains rise...
- for the tiniest kinder

inside a kindling-cabin
for old Abe Lincoln.

- ♪ I want to ride to the ridge ♪
- And...

♪ Where the West commences ♪

♪ And gaze at the moon
till I lose my senses ♪

♪ And I can't look at hobbles ♪

♪ And I can't stand fences ♪

♪ Don't fence me in ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Papa, don't you fence me in ♪♪

[low growling]

[creature chittering]

[barks]

[creature squeals]

[roach shrieking]

[suspenseful music playing]

[gasps]

Before the w*r,

people joked about cockroaches
surviving a nuclear blast.

But they didn't merely survive.

They improved.

[growls]

Enlarged thorax to ward off att*ck.

Extended antennae
in order to hunt in packs.

Incisors to help ingest larger prey.

Such as yourself.

You should know better
than to light a fire after dark.

Sir, I'm looking for my father.

He was, uh, kidnapped
by this woman named Moldaver.

- Have you seen her?
- Listen,

you need to go home, miss.

Vault dwellers
are an endangered species here.

You come from a world of rules, of laws.

This place is indifferent to all of that.

I do not think you would be willing to do

what it takes to survive up here.

I'm not going back without my dad.

If you insist on staying,

then you will have to adapt.

Question is will you still
want the same things...

...when you have become

a different animal altogether?

Four, come.

Who are you?

[creature growling in distance]

[indistinct radio chatter]

My lord Titus.

I see you went with the tempered lining.

On the T-60.

Does that-that help with mobility?

[distorted] Clean that.

[tense music playing]

♪ ♪

Set us down.

I'm bored and I want to sh**t something.

No, my lord, we were assigned
to search a town called Filly.

We're still miles from...

Oh, God. Oh...

[shouting]

Oh!

f*ck.

[groans]

♪ ♪

[exhales]

[sniffs]

[creature roars in distance]

Look, my lord.

They were here. A man.

And a dog.

The target.

Yes, they were...

[creature growls in distance]

[distorted] f*ck.

♪ ♪

Go see if the target's in there.

But-but, my l-my lord,
I-I don't have armor.

You earn the suit through acts of bravery.

This is an act of bravery.

But-but my lord, I...

An order, my squire.

Move.

See anything?

What's the problem, dipshit?

[creature growling softly]

Oh, f*ck!

- [roars]
- [shouts]

Oh, f*ck. Bear!

- [roaring]
- [grunting]

Holy sh*t.

[roars]

f*ck!
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

Oh, f*ck!

No, no, no, no!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

No!

[eerie music playing]

[growls]

Whoa! Help!

Oh! Help!

Help me!

Oh! sh**t it!

sh**t it!

[groaning]

sh**t it!

[Titus sighs]

[sighs]

f*ck. f*ck.

Help.

Get this f*cking thing off me.

Help.

Help me.

Oh, f*ck.

[groans]

[normal voice] Oh, f*ck.

f*ck. f*ck this sh...

f*ck!

Where were you?

Huh?

This f*cking place.

There's always something

to ruin your f*ckin' day.

This wasteland f*cking sucks.

The clerics, too. With their bullshit.

Sending me on stupid missions

for remnants that turn out to be...

...a f*cking toaster oven.

You know what you could do
with a f*cking toaster oven?

Do you have any idea? [chuckles]

[coughs]

Get me a stimpak.

What the f*ck are you doing, man?

Can you get me a f*cking stimpak

instead of just standing there?

I'm asking you for a stimpak

and you're looking at me...

you're looking at me like
you don't know what the f*ck to do.

I got a two-ton

irradiated bear on my back,

and you're standing there...

You stupid m*therf*cker,

you know this is all your fault.

[ominous music playing]

You know what they do to squires

that don't do their f*cking job?

They string you up...

...Maximus, by your, uh, lungs,

and they, uh, they hang you...

...and let the vultures come get you.

[chuckles]

That's what they're gonna do to you.

[coughs]

You got to be
the worst f*ckin' squire there is.

This is all your fault.

You dumb m*therf*cker, you.

[coughs]

[coughing] Get me a stimpak.

Get me a stimpak!

I can't breathe. [coughs]

[coughing continuing]

It is a knight's duty

to better this fallen world.

You don't deserve that armor.

Oh, you think you do?

[coughing]

You f*ck.

They'll k*ll you for this. You...

Not if I bring back the target.

You...

[coughs]

[metal banging]

Work, damn you!

[Lucy] Hi, hello! Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Hi!

May I approach?

I ain't got weapons.

- Oh...
- Or money.

It's okay, I just want
to ask you for directions.

Okay.

Sorry.

I'm-I'm a little lost.

Hi.

What's that you're working on?

It's meant to be a water filter.

No matter how much sand I put in it,
I just get more sand.

Well, h... have you tried water

for the water filter?

You got water?

Oh, uh, would you like a sip?

Here.

- [continues guzzling]
- Uh... sorry. Uh, s-sir,

I actually... I might...

I need that.

Yeah, me too.

Thank you.

Somebody hands you
a bottle of clean water, you drink it.

Even if you're not thirsty, you drink it.

Much as you can, anyway.

Right.

Uh, you haven't happened to have seen

a group pass by with a prisoner, did you?

No.

You headed to Filly?

W-What's Filly?

A town.

It's over that hill.

Never been, myself.

You've never been over that hill?

Nah. It's too dangerous.

People get k*lled in Filly all the time.

That's where my daddy got k*lled, anyway.

Couple brothers, too.

Had a aunt as well.

She got k*lled there once.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, thank you.

Sounds dangerous.

Or you just stay here.

Live with me.

Could use a family.
It helps with all the work.

Uh...

I-I'm okay, but, uh,

thank you so much for the advice.

- I'm real sick. Think I'm dying.
- Oh...

You wouldn't have to
put up with me for too long.

This could all be yours!

I'm okay.

Uh, thank you.

You're a good person
for not sh**ting me with that g*n.

Oh, it was really no problem.

Bye!

[dramatic music playing]

♪ ♪

[suit whirring]

- [♪ Betty Hutton: "It's a Man"]
- ♪ Girls ♪

♪ Girls ♪

♪ Watch out, watch out ♪

- Okay.
- ♪ There's a two-legged animal ♪

♪ Running about ♪

♪ If it smokes a great big cigar ♪

- ♪ And it hangs around at a bar ♪
- [distorted laughing]

♪ If it tells the biggest lies ♪

- ♪ Wears the loudest ties ♪
- [shouts]

- ♪ It's a man ♪
- [laughs]

- ♪ If it walks, if it talks ♪
- [whoops]

- ♪ If its habits are a little bit peculiar ♪
- [grunts]

♪ If it brags and tries
to make you think it's wonderful ♪

♪ Be on the lookout,
don't let it fool ya ♪

♪ But if it makes the moon up on high ♪

♪ More than just a light in the sky ♪

- Wow.
- ♪ If it kisses you ♪

♪ And you find you like it too ♪

- [chortles] Yes.
- ♪ Grab it ♪

- Yes!
- ♪ It's a man...

[whoops] f*ck yeah!

[music stops]

[man screaming, wailing in distance]

I was doing nothing wrong!

[wailing]

- No!
- [farmer] That's right.

[man shouting]

No, stop hitting me!

[farmer] I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you,
you son of a bitch.

You f*cking hear me?

Unhand me, you fascist! No!

[screams]

- I'm gonna f*cking m*rder you.
- No!

I'm gonna throttle your f*ckin' ass!

- [Maximus] Unhand him.
- That's gonna be it.

This is the end of your f*ckin' days...

- I said unhand him.
- [groans]

[both men panting]

Oh. Oh...

Ooh. Ooh.

Oh. Oh.

[laughs] Oh! Oh!

How the tables turn!

Thank you, Mr. Metal Man.

Much obliged to you.

And as for you, you stupid rube...

not the first time I've been persecuted

for my scientific curiosity.

- [chickens clucking]
- Ah.

Have a really bad day, sir. Toodles.

You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.

You should be commended.

Oh!

I'm sorry, okay?

Don't-don't m*rder me.

It's just...

The guy was f*cking my chickens.

[Maximus] Okay.

On your way, citizen.

- ["It's a Man" resumes]
- ♪ Grab it ♪

♪ Hold it ♪

♪ For it's a man ♪♪

[atmospheric music playing]

♪ ♪

Mm.

Hello there.

My name is...

[indistinct chatter]

[goats bleating]

[barker] Everything you need
to get by in the Wasteland.

We got genuine, undiluted...

[indistinct chatter continues]

[coughing]

[grunting]

- Excuse me.
- This a good one, this a good one.

- This'll keep 'em away.
- No, thank you.

Dog meat!

Fresh iguana.

Can I interest you in some iguana?

Oh, uh... I'm okay, thank you.

Um, have you seen this man?

Dog meat!

Oh, uh, I'm okay, thank you.

[clamoring, indistinct chatter continuing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[laughs]

[townsman] g*dd*mn maggot!

[grunting]

Oh, sorry.

[grunts]

[lowing]

[ominous music playing]

Uh... hi there.

I noticed that you have
an assortment of Vault-Tec equipment.

Uh-huh.

And, uh, well, because these items

technically belong
to Vault-Tec... [chuckles]

it would be safe to assume
that you do business with criminals.

Not judging you.

Don't imagine there's
that many other options up here.

But I'm actually looking
for one criminal in particular.

Holy sh*t.

You're an actual vault dweller.

I am.

[laughs]

I thought all you sardine-f*cking dipshits
were dead. Barv!

- Get in here. You got to see this.
- Um,

ma'am, the raider I'm looking for
is about five-foot-nine.

Barv.

- A woman in her 50s, I think.
- Barv!

- Goes by the name of Moldaver.
- Barv, get in here. You...

[tense music playing]

- Get back to your f*cking room, Barv.
- Eh.

I take it you know who she is.

[sighs] Everyone knows who Moldaver is.

Get out of here, vault dweller.

Ma'am, this Moldaver broke into my vault,

took my dad, and-and k*lled...

And I'm telling you
you're gonna go through a whole lot worse

if you stay around here. Trust me.

I can tell by looking at you.

Clean hair. [clicks tongue]

Nice teeth. [smacks lips] Mm.

And all ten fingers.

Must be nice.

Well, I know that it can't have been easy
for you up here,

what with all the m*rder and-and the dirt.

But the mission of the vaults
should be important to everyone.

And why is that?

Well, uh...

Well, you see, the idea is, um...

that...

we're going to...

save America.

Ah!

And when exactly
were you planning on saving America?

The vaults were nothing more

than a hole in the ground
for rich folks to hide in

while the rest of the world b*rned.

We vault dwellers recognize,

uh, and are grateful for
the privileged position we were born into,

- and...
- You know what folks up here

say about the vaults?

What?

f*ck the vaults.

Mm-mm.

Okay, well, uh...

Thank you for your help, ma'am.

[intriguing music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

- [doctor] Okay, you can go in. Go on.
- [CX404 barks]

- Go.
- [barks]

You again, miss.

Really think you should go home.
You are not safe here.

[sighs] That's what people
keep telling me.

No one understands my situation.

You come from Vault 33.

Your primary crop is corn.

You have a Telesonic projector
in your farm.

It loops images
of the Nebraskan countryside.

You've been brought up in a meritocracy,

where people pride themselves
on doing the right thing.

I think I know enough to know

you need to go home.

Who are you?

- And how do you know so much...
- [Ma June] Hey.

You Wilzig?

Let's get you inside.

I told you to get the f*ck out of here.

[Ghoul] Wilzig.

[vocalist yodeling]

Now, you wouldn't happen
to be a doctor, would you?

'Cause I happen to be looking for one.

You know your kind ain't welcome here.

Well, maybe not.

But I'm gonna make myself welcome.

Now, last night a bounty came in
through all six agencies.

A hefty price

on the head of a man
that fits the description

of that fella right there.

Now, I may not know much,

but I do know a bidding w*r
when I see one.

Maybe.

But I've been paid a whole lot of caps

to provide this man
safe transport out of Filly.

Aah! [groaning]

Change of plans, I guess.

[Ma June] I got a thousand bottle caps

for whoever kills that fucker!

But you don't get sh*t
if I k*ll him first.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

Damn, y'all done got me
working up a appetite.

[groaning]

[g*nsh*t]

[townsman screams]

[g*nshots]

Well, I'd offer you one
of these cherry tomatoes,

but you got a hole in your neck.

[g*nf*re continuing]

Mm.

[g*nf*re continuing in distance]

Come on.

[g*nf*re continuing]

[g*nshots]

Ow! Aah! [groaning]

For the tomatoes.

[slow, suspenseful music playing]

[Ma June groaning]

- Wilzig. [groans]
- [Wilzig groaning]

[CX404 growling]

- [thunk]
- [CX404 whimpers]

[Wilzig] No! No, please.

[Wilzig groaning]

Wilzig.

I'm going to have to ask you
to leave him alone.

Now, I acknowledge that I'm unfamiliar

with your circumstances.

But, at first glance,
your treatment of this man appears unfair,

and I'm obliged to intervene.

Huh.

Now, if your instinct is to harm me,

as a person simply trying
to deescalate a conflict,

then I'll have to assume,
of the two of you,

you are likely the primary aggressor.

In which case,

I think everyone in this town would agree
that force is justified.

Unless you willingly stand down now.

f*cking vault dwellers. Geez.

Huh.

[grunts softly]

[sighs] Well, now,
that is a very small drop

in a very, very large bucket of dr*gs.

[w*apon cocks]

[Maximus] [distorted] She said
stand down, Ghoul.

[jets whirring]

Knight Titus of the Brotherhood of Steel.
Stand down

or be cut down.

You got to be f*cking kidding me.

[chuckles]

[suspenseful music playing]

- [g*nsh*t]
- [b*llet ricochets]

- [g*n clicking]
- Ah...

[grunts]

Hi.

- [chuckles]
- [g*nshots]

Listen, that man is important.
I've been sent here to find him.

Get him inside and keep him there
until I've dealt with the Ghoul.

Okay. Thank you.

[cackling] Yeah.

[Wilzig groaning]

[Ma June grunting]

Come on.

[grunting]

Oh...

[chuckles] Eh.

Well, I'd say come up here and get me,
but it's hard

to walk upstairs when you're wearing
a 12-piece cast-iron skillet set.

[g*nsh*t]

[Ma June grunting]

Gonna need a new foot, Barv!

Trying to eat my beans, but okay.

[Wilzig] Aah! Aah!

God, God, God, God, God, God, God...

[groaning]

I can still make this trip.

You'll be lucky if you can make it
to f*cking breakfast.

The foot, Barv!

[Barv] I'm looking for the foot.

We got a whole crate
under the box with the defibrillators.

[Barv] You keep moving things around
without telling me.

I don't mean to interrupt, but...

was that a knight?

Barv!

[clattering]

Wasn't under the defibrillators.
Just saying.

I'm sorry for yelling.
Been sh*t in the leg.

Aw, eh, you'd yell at me either way.

[device cranking]

[Wilzig] Uh...

- [crunching]
- [shouting]

[screaming]

Holy moly.

- [device powers down]
- [Wilzig panting]

She can take me.

- [panting]
- [Wilzig whimpering]

If you think this little thing
can haul your

limping ass across the Wasteland,

you may not be as smart
as people say you are.

Do you have anyone else
you can trust in this town?

sh*t.

Hey, daddy's girl.

I need you to take this man here
to my client.

Oh, uh, thank you, uh, but

I'm really only here to find my dad. Uh...

Besides, no offense,
but you're in no condition to travel.

My client goes by the name
of Lee Moldaver.

Now, you ain't getting near Moldaver

without something to bargain with,

and delivering this guy right here

is your best option.

[Lucy] Well, what does Moldaver
want with you? I mean,

she steals dads!

[expl*si*n]

Do you want your dad back or not, kid?

- Uh...
- Huh?

I...

Gosh damn it, okay! Uh...

Now, here. This is where

you're gonna find Moldaver.

She and her kind
hole up across the sh*thole.

What's the sh*thole?

Uh, well, just-just
get to the coordinates.

You know, rads move pretty quick
in and out through there,

so you're gonna need to move fast
if you want to keep your skins.

All right. I can do this.

Yes. You can do this, sure, you can.
You are

- a vault dweller, true to your word.
- Mm-hmm.

This really...

this could...

may-maybe work.

You really mean that?

- [whoosh]
- [Ma June] Go.

[expl*si*n]

Go! Get out the back. Hurry!

Oh!

[groans] g*dd*mn, that hurt.

[cries out]

[grunts]

[vocalist yodeling]

Oh, sh*t. Uh...

[chuckles]

Well, I guess basic training
ain't what it used to be.

'Cause you drive that thing
like a f*cking shopping cart.

[whoops]

Rule number one:

read the manual.

[alarm blaring]

[Maximus panting]

Whoa, whoa...

No, no, no!

Oh, no! [grunts]

[crying out]

Aah!

[salesman] Serums to energize.

Serums to invigorate.

Serums to heal your feet.

[jets whooshing]

- Serums for pain.
- [Wilzig groans]

Foot-healing serums!

Serums that will make you grow
an entire new foot.

Maybe.

[Maximus crying out]

[groans]

[sinister music playing]

♪ ♪

[CX404 whimpers]

Huh.

[contemplative music playing]

[whimpers softly]

[whimpers]

[barks]

[percussive music playing]

[haunting music playing]

♪ ♪

[panting]

This will have to do.

[Lucy] It says here we have about 20 miles

left to go. How's your new...? Oh.

- Oh, golly.
- [thump]

Holy moly.

I'm not going to make it.

Listen, I don't know who you are

or how you know the things that you do,

but you are going to get across
that wasteland.

And we're gonna do it together.

Okay?

That's a promise.

No, you see,
I've just taken a cyanide pill.

What?

Vault-Tec Plan D.

It was the most humane product
that Vault-Tec ever made.

It was quick, painless.

T-Tasted like banana. I...

I was surprised it wasn't more popular.

People are going to come after you.

You'll need to move quickly.

You can change the future

if you can bring me to Moldaver.

But how am I gonna bring you if you're...

No, not-not my whole body. [groans]

Just my head.

- Here.
- Pardon?

I took the pill

so that it would be less taxing
for you to go through with it.

It'll be easier if you carry my head

instead of dragging my whole body.

You...

You're asking me to... just...

Please. I'm begging you.

And this is the only way
to get your dad back.

I knew I could trust you.

You are a vault dweller.

But if you're going to survive up here...

...you need to start acting
like a surface dweller.

Okay... Ms. MacLean?

How do you know my name?

Sir?

Sir...

♪ ♪

[music stops]

[device vibrates]

[♪ The Ink Spots: "I Don't Want
to Set the World on Fire"]

Okey dokey.

♪ I don't ♪

- ♪ Want to set the world ♪
- [sawing]

- [crunch]
- ♪ On fire ♪

♪ I just want to start ♪

♪ A flame in your ♪

♪ Heart... ♪

♪ In my heart ♪

♪ I have but one ♪

♪ Desire... ♪

♪ And that one is you ♪

♪ No other will do ♪

♪ I've lost all ambition ♪

♪ For worldly acclaim ♪

♪ I just want to be the one you love ♪

♪ And with your admission ♪

♪ That you feel the same ♪

♪ I'll have reached the goal
I'm dreaming of ♪

♪ Believe me ♪

♪ I don't want to set the world ♪

♪ On fire ♪

♪ I just want to start ♪

♪ A flame in your heart ♪

♪ I don't want to set
the world on fire, honey ♪

♪ I love you too much ♪

♪ I just want to start ♪

♪ A great big flame ♪

♪ Down in your heart ♪

♪ You see ♪

♪ Way down inside of me ♪

♪ Darling, I have only one desire ♪

♪ And that one desire is you ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Nobody else ain't gonna do ♪

♪ I don't want to set the world ♪

♪ On fire... ♪

♪ I just want to start ♪

♪ A flame ♪

♪ In your heart ♪♪