07x07 - A Proper Wedding and Skeletons in the Closet

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Hi, Pastor Jeff, can you
come over right now?

I need you to save someone's soul.

- JEFF: Amen.
- [MARY GASPS]

In your face, Catholics.

I baptize you in the name of the Father

and the Son

and the Holy Spirit, amen.

- Amen.
- MANDY: You know, I'm not a lawyer,

but you could make the argument

that my child was kidnapped twice.

Well, there have to be consequences.

How do you feel about
coming down to City Hall

to witness me and Georgie get married?

What about your parents?

We're really not gonna invite our folks?

A spite wedding. I had one of those.

Let me get my purse.

GEORGE JR.: Hey, little girl.

In a few minutes, you're
gonna be legitimate.

You saying she's illegitimate?

Not me, just, you know, everybody.

If you want to smack him,
I'll hold the baby.

Nah, it's okay.

Well, just in case.

- [LAUGHS]
- MARY: Wait!

- Wait!
- What are they doing here?

MEEMAW: I told them,
and you can't smack me

'cause I'm holding the baby.

- Did we miss it?
- No, we're still waiting.

I told you we didn't need to run.

I know you're mad at me, and I am sorry,

but can we please be a
part of this wedding?

Yes, please. I only have one brother.

- What about Sheldon?
- Yeah.

Fine.

- [EXHALES]: Oh.
- Cooper-McAllister?

- Right here.
- You're up.

AUDREY: Wait!

Wait.

Wasn't me.

It was me. I called your dad.

Oh, that's a long hallway.

- And those steps in front?
- Brutal.

AUDREY: Please, let us be part of this.

What do you think?

Oh, I think we're thinking
the same thing.

You can stay.

[SIGHS]

- Come on.
- Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe.

Aww.

What's wrong?

No, it's just, I wanted to
walk you down the aisle,

but there's no aisle.

Um, hang on.

[SOFTLY]: Come on.

♪ ♪

- Thank you.
- Take care of my little girl.

- Yes, sir.
- All right.

All right. Let's get started.

Could you show a little
respect and stand up?

One of those.

George Marshall Cooper Jr.,

do you take Amanda Elizabeth McAllister

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

LYNDON: Amanda Elizabeth McAllister,

do you take George Marshall Cooper Jr.

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

LYNDON: By the power vested in me

by the great state of Texas,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

- [LAUGHS]
- You may kiss the bride.

[APPLAUSE]

You can sit down now.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]

I can't believe they
gave us the train car.

Well, my dad slipped the
conductor five bucks.

- Classy.
- So, what are you thinking?

Couple buckets of
spaghetti for the table?

Sure. Y-Yeah... and we're
gonna split the tab.

It's all right, I got it.

Uh, Jim, come on.

We didn't pay for a wedding,

we can spring for some spaghetti.

- I-In a bucket.
- We know.

I-I'm happy to chip in.

No, no. No, this is between me and him.

- And we're splitting it.
- Dad, we're poor. Let him pay.

We are not poor.

Wouldn't matter either way.

But we're not.

- [GLASS CLINKING]
- [CLEARS THROAT]

I would like to propose a toast...

... to Mandy and Georgie.

Your relationship started
out with lies and deceit,

which usually happens
later on in marriage.

Where is this going?

But you two got it out of
the way right up front.

So I think the odds are in your favor...

... for having a lifetime
of love and happiness.

To Mandy and Georgie...

... and CeeCee.

Way to bring it home, baby.

I can do heartfelt.

- Hello.
- Oh, good, you're here.

Oh, thank you for bringing
him, Dr. Linkletter.

Well, you hungry? Have a seat.

Well, I do have a half can of
tuna waiting for me at home,

but what the hay?

So, you and my brother got
married and no one invited me?

Sorry, it was kind of
a last-minute thing.

No, I was thanking you.

I hope that, someday, my sister
won't invite me to her wedding.

- I won't.
- Thank you.

Here we are.

Grab a shovel and dig in.

There you go.

I spent the summer in Italy once.

Bringing back memories?

No.

[GLASS CLINKING]

Amanda, Georgie,

since your father and I didn't get
to give you a proper wedding,

we'd like to pay for a honeymoon.

[GASPS] Wow, really?

Should we offer to split... ?

Mr. McAllister, really appreciate it,

but that's not necessary.

First of all, no more of this
"Mr. McAllister" stuff, okay?

- It's Jim.
- Thank you, Jim.

Uh, very kind, Jim.

This feels weird, Jim.

So, where are we going?

What would you say

to an all-expenses-paid
weekend at Dollywood?

- Shut up.
- MANDY: Oh, my God.

- Thank you.
- That's amazing.

Oh, I'm definitely getting married.

And I won't be going.

Oh, and I can watch the baby.

Or me, the one who just
paid for your honeymoon.

You two are on probation.
I don't want to come home

and find out there was an exorcism.

- Connie, will you do it?
- I would love to.

Wait a minute, it's my house.
Don't I have a say?

No.

I don't have a say.

I got to go open up the gambling room.

Can you watch her for about an hour?

I just had coffee and
a bowl of Raisin Bran.

Next hour is spoken for.

You could've just said no.

I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Hey, why don't we look
around for wedding rings

- in Tennessee?
- Hmm.

Maybe they sell them at Dollywood.

If it's all the same, I'd rather
not get my wedding ring

at the same place they sell corn dogs.

Oh, corn dogs.

- We're definitely getting corn dogs.
- [LAUGHS]

You know, through all the rush,
we didn't really talk about it,

but are you gonna take my name?

Is it important to you?

I don't know, I'd kind of like
people to know we're a family.

You know, the Coopers,

Georgie and Mandy Cooper.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I'd go to a barbecue at their house.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well, why don't you take my name?

I'm trying to have a
serious conversation,

and you're making jokes.

Why is it a joke?

Maybe that'd fly in New York City,

but in Texas, I'd get my ass kicked.

Maybe we should move to New York City.

Okay, there's just some things
you don't joke about.

And the thing you need to
know about slot machines

is that they provide the
house with a 17% edge.

And that...

is a whole lot of edge for
Meemaw and your daddy.

Huh?

Ooh, that ain't good.

- Excuse me.
- I don't work here!

[SIREN WHOOPS]

OFFICER [OVER P.A.]: Connie
Tucker? Please stop running.

[SIREN WAILING]

GILROY: [GASPS]

Peekaboo. Oh, yeah,
that's funny. [GASPS]

Peekaboo.

Hey.

Took you long enough.

Yeah, I'm old. I had to
go to the bathroom.

Why are you handcuffed?
Why is she handcuffed?

- She's a flight risk.
- What is she talking about?

I was just taking the baby for a walk,

and Cagney and Lacey here

decided that I was evading arrest.

Oh, Connie. H-How much is bail?

Won't know till Monday.

- What?
- Judge left town for the weekend.

Well, get him back.

Can't. Gone fishing.

Beautiful day for it. Where'd he go?

- Dale.
- Right.

You mean I got to sit here till Monday?

Well, you'll be back in a cell.

Where all the bad people go.

[COOS]

Oh, my God.

Dale, take the baby home.

Me? Why don't you call Mary?

The last thing I want is for
her to know about this.

I'll watch the baby if you like.

There you go, problem solved.

No. Take the baby.

[GROANS]

Yeah.

Well, is there anything I can bring you?

Yeah, a cake with a file in it.

[LAUGHS]: Good one.

DALE: Thank you, Officer.

Can I give the flight
risk a kiss goodbye?

That's up to her.

- I'm good.
- She's good.

Okay, CeeCee, here we go.

Bye, baby.

Next rest stop, let's call
and check on CeeCee.

She's fine. She's with my meemaw.

Yeah, you're right,
I'm worrying for nothing.

All right, let's get you to your cell.

So, that beautiful little girl
is your granddaughter?

Great-granddaughter.

I never locked up a
great-grandma before.

Well, isn't this your lucky day?

[PHONE RINGING]

Sheldon, phone.



[SNIFFLES]

Cooper residence.

Hello, Mr. Ballard.

He's here. May I tell him
what this is concerning?

I may not? Very well.

Dad, it's Mr. Ballard.

I'll pick it up in here.

Which you could've done to begin with.

Hey, Dale, what's up?

You're kidding.

- Till Monday?
- What's going on?

Shh!

Well, is there anything I can do?

Yeah, I know a couple lawyers.

- Who needs a lawyer?
- Meemaw's in jail.

Hang up.

What's she in jail for?

I'm not sure. Some kind
of room got shut down.

- Oh, the gambling room.
- What?

Yeah, in the back of the laundromat.

Isn't that illegal?

Yeah, that's why she's in jail.

She tried to run?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, that...

Oh, that makes me so happy.

♪ Met her on the mountain ♪

♪ There I took her life ♪

♪ Met her on the mountain ♪

- [FUSSING]
- ♪ Stabbed her with my Kn*fe. ♪

[CRYING]

Yeah, it's kind of a sad one.

Yeah. You'll like this one.

♪ Delia, oh, Delia ♪

♪ Delia all my life ♪

♪ If I hadn't sh*t poor Delia. ♪

Here you go. This is for you.

♪ Hey, yeah, baby ♪

♪ Shake it on down. ♪

- [COOING]
- That's the one.

- That's the one.
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

We got company.

- Hey, Mare.
- George told me about the arrest.

Oh. Yeah. Boy, I know
how to pick 'em, huh?

Is she okay?

Oh, yeah, she's a tough old bird.

Well, let me take the
baby off your hands

till the kids come back.

Well, but we're having such a good time.

- Dale.
- She likes me.

Dale.

[SIGHS]

Oh. Fine.

You get the baby, I'll grab her Binky.

You know, she really does like me.

So, here's a question.

What?

You think CeeCee's
gonna be an only child?

I don't know. For a while she is. Why?

Well, since we're man and wife now,

we got to make plans.

I'm almost back in my old
jeans. This can wait.

Well, I'm just saying, I liked
having a brother and sister.

Don't you like having a brother?

Eh.

So, y'all didn't get along?

I picked on him. I made him cry a lot.

That's what I did with Sheldon.

Don't you want CeeCee to have that?

Just so you know, my plans include
more than making babies

so they can pick on each other.

- I want a career.
- I support that.

And maybe go back to school.

Curveball, but okay.

I don't have to go back to school, do I?

Oh, no, sweetheart.

Thank you.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey there. Alice, isn't it?

- Audrey.
- Right.

What can I do for you, Audrey?

I came to visit my granddaughter.

- Not here.
- Where is she?

Well, as they say in Canada,

she's "oot and aboot."

So, if I'm to understand correctly,

our meemaw's been running
a criminal enterprise.

Cool, huh?

No, it is most certainly not cool.

On the one hand, people need
to pay for their crimes.

On the other, if Meemaw's in prison,

who's gonna smell like Bengay
and kiss me on the head?

She's an old lady, they're not
gonna lock her up forever.

I sure hope not.

Are there any other family secrets
that I don't know about?

Um... actually, yes.

Tell me.

- No, you couldn't handle it.
- Now I have to know.

Okay.

You ever wonder why Mom
made that prayer garden

- in the back yard?
- To pray.

You're so naive.

[WHISPERS]: There's a
dead body under there.

Whose?

I've already said too much.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, Audrey.

- Where's Mary?
- She's, uh...

[CLEARS THROAT] Mare!

Oh.

- Hi.
- Why do you have the baby?

Um...

It's kind of a long story.

Why do you have the baby?

My mother was arrested, she's in jail.

I can't get a straight answer
from anybody in this family.

A gambling room?

Yes.

And she'd been bribing the authorities?

I wouldn't use that word,

but there were...

donations made to the authorities.

And Georgie worked there?

Well, he also runs the laundromat.

Very legitimate.

For money laundering.

And regular laundering.

[SOFTLY]: I can't believe this.

What kind of a family has
my daughter married into?

To be clear, I did not
condone any of this.

Doesn't matter. This is
a criminal environment,

and I'm taking the baby.

[GASPS]

Over my dead body.

CeeCee is my granddaughter, too,

and she is perfectly safe here.

Well, as long as she's here, I'm here.

Fine.

Are you hungry?

I have half a bucket of
spaghetti in the fridge.

I could eat.

All right, I'll go heat it up.

[SCOFFS] What? You think I'm
gonna take the baby and run?

Yes. Would you like some garlic bread?

That sounds nice.

You know, we should really
start looking for our own place.

You think?

I mean, the gambling room's doing great,

and since we put in the roulette wheel,

we're basically printing money.

[SIGHS] Sure would like
to have my own bathroom.

[SIGHS] Your own bathroom,

one of them walk-in shoe closets

like on Lifestyles of
the Rich and Famous.

And carpet everywhere,
even in the kitchen.

That's a terrible idea.

'Cause of spilling and crumbs, sure.

Point is, I want to spoil you,

so whatever you want.

♪ ♪

Well, right now, I just want you.

Really? Now?

Yeah.

Hot damn.

Just so you know, I promised
my dad I'd use condoms.

MANDY [CHUCKLES]: Good.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Now what?

[SIGHS]

Hey.

Did you escape?

Nah, they just brought me over
to pick up my pills and pj's.

Oh, that's nice.

Are you drunk?

Uh, yeah, it sure feels like it.

And where's the baby?

Don't worry, she's not here.

- Where is she?
- Mary's got her.

So she knows about me?

Yeah.

[SIREN WHOOPS]

My chariot awaits.

DALE: Oh.

Did you have diner?

They ordered in some
pizza from Del Bonos.

That sounds good.

- I had cold spaghetti.
- MEEMAW: All right.

[PILLS RATTLING]

Well, I'll see you Monday.

Well, they have visiting hours.

I can come tomorrow morning.

Not till 1:00.

Oh, I see. My game's on.

- So, how about 4:30 or 5:00?
- I'll see you Monday.

- All right. See ya.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Well, why does she get pizza?

I want pizza.

- Thanks for coming by.
- Yeah, what's the situation?

Well, right now it's kind of a standoff.

They're eating spaghetti, and
Mary's holding the baby hostage.

All right. What's our play?

Well, I figured we'll be
dealing with each other

for the rest of our lives,
so we got to keep things civil.

- I'm with you.
- [STAMMERS] Let me start by saying,

you are a pleasure.

[CHUCKLES]: Oh, back at you.

And your daughter is a keeper.

And your son is a fine young man.

Thank you.

So, you ready to do this?

I'm right behind you.

♪ ♪

Hey, Mare, look who stopped by.

- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- [CLOCK TICKING]

Mmm, it's good coffee.

Is that Folgers?

Maxwell House.

JIM: Ah, sure. Good to the last drop.

Uh, Audrey, am I crazy,

or didn't we used to
drink Maxwell House?

Yes.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

Why'd we change?

It's a mystery.

[CHUCKLES]

Speaking of mysteries,

Mary, did you ever find that
earring you were looking for?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Family heirloom just gone.

Maybe her mother stole it.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

I am not holding the baby anymore,

so you better watch it.

Audrey's uncle was a bank robber.

- Jim!
- He's in Leavenworth.

He's my uncle by marriage.

Look, a-all I'm saying is every
family's got secrets, right?

We sure got some
skeletons in the closet.

MARY: We do not.

Other than my mother.

- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- And?

[MARY SIGHS]

My cousin Janine is a
practicing witch, but that's it.

- Worships Satan.
- [SIGHS HEAVILY]

I got you b*at.

My brother William...

[WHISPERS]: He's a Democrat.

He voted for Mondale.

- Aw, I'm so sorry.
- JIM: Mm.

Actually, feels good to talk about it.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Are you sure there's a body down here?

Oh, yeah, keep digging.

ADULT SHELDON: I'd like to tell
you I found something that night,

but for once you all
might be ahead of me.