02x22 - New School Who Dis?

[bunniefuu]

- All right, Miles.

Your sister's got the time to b*at!

- Release the beast!

- [roars]

- Go, go, go, go! - Get him!

- Yes, yes! Get him!

Go, go, go, go! - Come on!

- Come on, Miles! Come on, come on, come on!

- Time!

- . seconds. [cheering]

- We have a new leader!

[cheering]

And we finally taught Bose

how to read a stopwatch.

- Yeah!

- You guys, you guys, it's amazing!

I have created life!

I am a god.

- Dang it, Schwoz, I was trying to use your clone

to teach these guys how to lasso a bad guy.

[music playing faintly]

- Yeah, but look what I made-sies.

- Little glow bugs in a jar?

- Very cool. They help us fight crime?

- Not at all. Just kind of a slow day.

They're fire-termite-hornets.

- How'd you make 'em? - I used science.

- You mean magic?

- Sure.

- [laughing] Ooh.

- So these things can, like, sting people?

- Yeah, and they can eat buildings.

- [laughs] Really wish you'd

stop shaking that jar.

[suspenseful music]

- Okay, cool. Good talk.

- Hey, toss that jar over here!

I get a turn. I want to shake it.

[in slo-mo] - No, no, no, no, no!

♪ ♪

[buzzing]

- [yelling]

- Oh, come on.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

They're not even stinging me.

- They eat wood.

You got to get out before they compromise

the structural integrity of the building.

[grunting]

- Oh, it's fine.

This place has plenty of structural

whatever you just said.

[grunts]

[groans] I'm okay.

[upbeat rock music]

- I'm shutting you down!

- Just because of a couple

of stupid bugs?

- This classroom is an unsafe

learning environment.

- Oh, come on.

We're wearing protective clothes.

Please, can we keep learning?

Look, it's totally safe.

[yelps]

So we're shut down?

- 'Fraid so.

- Whoo!

School's out!

- Yeah! - ♪ Out ♪

- Whoo-hoo! - ♪ School's out ♪

♪ School's out ♪

[record scratch] - Ah, ah, ah.

Not so fast.

Until this place is deemed safe

by Sharona Shapen,

you Swag Bags are going to regular school.

- Dang it!

- [yelps, grunts]

Oh, come on!

[upbeat music]

Swellview Junior High,

got a lot of memories of this place.

- From when you went here?

- Nah, from when Henry went here.

Oh, would you look at that? They put up a plaque of me.

- Looks like a plaque of Kid Danger.

- Yeah, and me. - You're barely on there.

- I'm right there. - I see Henry's dad.

- Just go to school!

I'll pick you up in, I don't know, a few days?

- Shouldn't we have, like, backpacks,

or lunch money, or something?

- Relax. I brought you guys some lunch.

[yelps] Ah.

There you go.

- I don't want it. - Just take it.

- I don't want it. - Come on.

It's nice and warm.

There you go.

- That is a pillowcase.

- Filled with ketchup packets.

- There's a loaf of bread in there somewhere.

You put 'em together, bam, warm ketchup sandos.

Now get in there and learn!

- You really don't care about us...

- Where do you put that? - And it hurts, Ray.

- Go on!

- It seems like you could use some help.

- [scoffs] Lady, I've never needed

help with anything in my whole life.

- Okay, but if you change your mind,

you can come hang out at Hip Hop Purée

with a bunch of us moms.

- Moms, you say?

♪ ♪

- My little Sammy is getting to be such a good fencer.

Her coach says she's the best he's ever seen.

- Oh, my God, that's amazing! - Oh, how 'bout that?

- My little Kaitlyn just got picked to be captain

of the debate team.

- [gasps] - Go Kaitlyn.

My little Miles can hog-tie a grown man

in less than six seconds.

- Is that good?

- It's real good. - Oh, okay.

- He's ready to go pro if he wants to, you know.

all: You're such a great dad.

- [laughs]

If you say so.

♪ ♪

- Okay, guys, don't look all at once,

but I think that guy over there wants to fight me.

I said don't look all at once!

- Uh, I don't think he wants to fight you.

- He won't stop staring at me.

[groans] Now he's showing me his teeth.

- That is a sign of aggression in chimpanzees.

- All right, it's go time.

Hold my earrings. - No!

I think he's just smiling at you.

- He keeps doing it, he's gonna be smiling through a straw.

- You could try to smile back. - Yeah, that's true.

You'll either be friends or end up wrestling

for chimp supremacy.

- Well, whatever you do,

don't be as obvious as my sister is.

- Shut up. I love this school

and I'm never leaving.

- Ew. - Mika.

- Come on.

- Because of the cookies.

- We're calling boys "cookies" now?

- I mean the one that he's eating.

And leave me alone.

I've been staring at the three of you

for two straight years.

No wonder all these new faces look beautiful.

- [sighs] Okay.

I'm also happy to see some new faces,

but I do miss fighting crime.

- Me too. - Me three.

- Same. But what can we do?

We're stuck at regular school,

and there's just no crime to fight here.

- Hey! [groans] Why?

Why?

- What was that?

- That, my friends, was crime.

[electricity crackles]

- This is a regular school.

- No, no. Give me that.

We can't use our superpowers!

- Can we use our regular powers?

- We can't use any of our powers!

- Not even to...

Get cookies?

- I mean, yeah, I'll take a cookie.

These look amazing, but we have to be careful.

- Hey.

Why'd that honey badger hit you?

- And why is everyone acting like it's normal?

- 'Cause it's been happening a lot lately,

and I guess people are just used to it now!

No one can stop it.

- Well, what if someone could?

- [scoffs] That'd be great, weirdo.

But it's not like Danger Force goes to our school.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm trying to get attention!

Why?

- Looks like we found ourselves some crime

and will you stop staring at that guy?

- [groans] - Nope.

[dreamy music]

♪ ♪

- It all just kind of happened.

[overlapping chatter]

You get all that?

- ♪ Danger ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ ♪

♪ Danger! One, two, three, Force! ♪

- We look amazing.

- You've been posing for hours.

[all shouting at once]

- That's right, keep walking, Schwoz.

Keep walking.

[upbeat music]

- No way. Then what happened?

- This girl on the tennis team got att*cked.

- Mm-hmm. - Someone dressed

in a honey badger costume ran up

and kneecapped her with a cricket bat.

- It was pretty cool. - Well, it sounds cool.

- But nobody seemed to care.

- Wow.

- And now you don't seem to care.

- Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

My "Best Moms" group text is really

poppin' off right now.

- What's a "Best Moms" group text?

- And don't say "poppin' off." - Yeah, like that--

- It makes you seem older than you actually are.

- Look, you haters can hate all you want.

- We will. - But some of the moms

from regular school invited moi to hang out at Hip Hop Purée,

and now I'm on their group text.

So...

[laughs]

Corinne is so bad.

"You are so bad."

- All right, screen time's over.

- No, no, no! Phone, gimme, please!

- Only if you listen to us tell you about the att*cks.

- All right, fine! I'll "listen."

- Okay, so I did some digging,

and apparently there's been a bunch of att*cks.

A girl on the fencing team.

- A girl on the chess team.

- A guy on the basketball team.

- Some dude on the rhythmic gymnastics team.

Someone replaced his ribbon with a cobra.

- [laughs] Sounds like he had a k*ller routine.

- That boy lost his nose, Ray.

- He can never wear sunglasses again.

- Wow, Ray.

Wow.

- Yeah, no, no, that's terrible.

I sure hope the poor lad's okay.

- These att*cks are a serious problem.

- And we're gonna fix them.

- We're gonna join these clubs

and figure out what's up.

- Yeah, and if we catch the person who's

been doing these att*cks, we're gonna...

catch them. - Yeah.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Miles is the ribbon dancer

because he's got that rhythm

and he's secretly the best dancer here.

- Mm, there's nothing secret about it.

- Love it.

- Chapa's joining the basketball team

because she was on the Lil' Dribblers travel team

before she got kicked off for fighting.

- [laughs] For sure.

- I'm joining the fencing team because I'm good at everything.

- Perfect. - And Bose will be joining

the chess club because we don't have another choice.

- Yeah, we'll meet up at Hip Hop Purée

after I drop the kids off.

All right.

- And he was on the phone the whole time.

- Uh, real quick, can we go back to the whole

Bose on the chess team thing?

- Yeah, chess seems like a lot of thinking.

- Mm, you're gonna be just fine.

There's a seat right next to an air vent

and the harp players club meets at exactly the same time.

- He's gonna be just fine.

[dreamy harp music]

♪ ♪

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[no audible dialogue]

- And so I said, "Not unless that lunch box is filled

with Channing Tatum!"

[laughter]

- Oh, Corinne, you're so bad.

[laughter]

Hey, speaking of lunch boxes,

hands up if you're tired of packing lunches every--

- Oh, my God, tell me about it. - Oh, my gosh, the worst.

- I mean, how many days a week

can a person toss ketchup packets into a pillowcase

before they just go crazy, am I right?

[laughing] I mean... - I'm sorry.

How many kids do you have again?

- If I say zero, am I kicked out of the group or--

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

- We're moms. - Yeah.

- And if you don't have kids, you're not a great dad.

- Yeah. - You're not even a dad.

- You're just, like, a guy.

- Yeah.

- Four! I have four kids--adopted.

Toughest job I've ever loved. - Oh!

- Hey, uh, Channing Tatum with his shirt off.

Am I right? [raucous laughter]

- Oh, my God! - So many abs!

- Ray, you are so bad.

- Yeah. Oh, and you know,

I just got word from my boy, Bose,

that, uh, he's about to be number one

in the chess club, so--

- Oh. My daughter, Paloma,

is number one on the chess club.

- Guess she's not anymore, Mel.

[tense music]

[phone chimes]

You've got Ray. What do ya say?

- Ray, I need your help with the fire-termite-hornets.

- The what?

- The horrible bugs I created.

- Uh...

- The ones that are destroying the SwAG classroom?

- I'm gonna pretend to remember.

Please continue.

- I tried sending in some venomous spiders

to get rid of the fire-termite-hornets,

but instead of fighting, they really hit it off.

Three days later-- [yelps]

We've got venomous spider-fire-termite-hornets,

and they're too much for me, man!

- Oh, they don't sound so bad.

- Well, they already got DJ Clone Schwoz.

- Listen, you think you're having a bad day?

This rhythmic gymnast kid got his nose bitten off by a cobra.

- [gasps] How does he wear sunglasses?

- He doesn't, okay?

So just be grateful for what you have and fix it.

I got to go. I'm extremely busy.

Sorry about that. - It's fine.

- So do you ladies tell your kids you're working

when you're actually just listening to m*rder podcasts?

[overlapping chatter] - Oh, my God, all the time!

[upbeat music]

- 'Sup?

- Just practicing my routine.

Threw a couple ketchup packets and some bread up in the air.

Oh, here it comes now.

[playful music]

- Mm.

Found out anything? - Just that I'm amazing

at gymnastics. You?

- Just that I'm amazing at fencing.

- The Macklins are killin' it this week.

- [laughs] Maybe Bose and Chapa got some intel.

- [sighs] Mika, listen to what you just said.

- Maybe Chapa got some intel.

- Nope.

- For real? You guys didn't find out

who's been doing all these att*cks?

- No, but I did find out

that I am amazing at big boy checkers.

Either that or everyone else is really bad.

- Yeah, we didn't think you'd find out anything,

but Chapa, come on.

You got nothing?

- Sorry, only thing I learned

is that I'm an amazing passer.

- Oh. - That was awesome.

I'm speechless.

- Maybe the attacker is gone.

- Yeah. Maybe he just moved on.

- [growling]

[all scream]

[upbeat music]

- I don't understand how one attacker could hurt all of you.

There's four of you, and you all have superpowers.

- We couldn't use our superpowers, dude,

or else the attacker would know our secret identities.

- [groans] My neck.

- Oh, my poor babies.

You want Mama Bear to make you some ketchup sandwiches?

all: No! - What we want is revenge.

- And for you to tell us what's up with that new hairdo.

- Thank you. I'm glad someone finally noticed.

The other moms thought it would flatter my face shape.

- Ow. Ow. - Sorry.

Just trying to wrap it up so you can compete

in your fencing tournament tomorrow.

- [winces] My knee hurts too much.

I don't think I can. - [groans]

You were finally gonna be number one on your team,

just like Chapa was gonna be best on her basketball team,

and Bose was finally gonna be number one

in big boy checkers, and Miles--

- Wait, wait, wait, wait! Shut up!

- Uh, excuse me?

I did not spend hours in the delivery room

birthing you children so you could sass me like that.

- You didn't give birth to us.

- Yeah, that's what I just said.

- What Ray just said made me realize why we got att*cked.

- You're welcome.

Wait. What'd I say?

- We were all about to be number one.

- Oh, my God!

I'm not following you.

- She's saying we got att*cked because we're a thr*at

to the number ones in our sports.

- You're right.

That tennis girl got cricket-whacked

'cause she was a thr*at to the number one.

- Why would one person care about all those sports?

- Yeah, who would want to take out

the number two in every club?

- There's only one way to find out.

Well, why's everybody looking at me?

This is usually where Mika jumps in with a plan.

- Oh, oh, okay.

Like I've always got a plan ready to go.

Why can't someone else come up with a plan for once?

- I've got a plan. - Okay, I've got a plan!

- Told you she'd have a plan. - All right, can we hear it?

- Okay, so whoever injured us all thought they took us out,

so if we show up to compete,

maybe they'll att*ck us again before our matches even start.

- Yeah, and we can use our powers to mess 'em up.

- No, we can't use our superpowers.

- Everyone thinks we're just regular students.

- You won't need to use your powers,

'cause Mama Bear's gonna be there to protect her cubs,

and things are gonna get grizzly.

[laughter]

- Shouldn't there be bubbles? - Miles!

- [gasps] - Ah!

- Did you forget about someone?

- Yeah, I'm so sorry, Miles. - Fair enough.

- I am so sorry.

[cheers and applause]

- All right.

Since Mika Macklin is injured,

Sammy, you're back in first position.

- Yes!

Yay, Sammy!

You are definitely gonna get a scholarship

to whatever college is best at fencing!

- No, she's not!

Good to go.

- Normally I'd get fired for letting a clearly injured

kid compete, but that entrance was so dramatic,

and I hate my job, so let's get it on!

Sammy, take a seat.

Mika Macklin's gonna fence first for Swellview.

[cheers and applause]

- Go Mika!

- Nice sh*t.

- On my left, the Swellview Stabber,

the Lady with the Limp,

[drawn out] Mika Macklin!

[cheers and applause]

And on my right is this kid.

Think her name is Cary or something.

Or whatever, I don't know.

[cheers and applause]

- Whoa! [shocked gasps]

- [growls] - [screams]

- [yelling]

[crowd gasping]

Oh! [cheers and applause]

Yeah!

Captain Man, yeah!

- Corinne?

- Do we know each other?

- Well, I thought I knew you.

- Wow.

She's actually bad.

- So bad.

- Cheese ball me?

Thanks.

[dramatic music]

- We got your back, Corinne.

- You messed with the wrong moms.

- Get those moms, Captain Man! - Uhh...

- They were attacking kids, dude.

And you're the only hero here.

- So you have to b*at them up.

♪ ♪

- But they're moms.

- Get him, Moms!

- [grunting]

- Oh!

- Should we go help him?

- I don't know, I think he kinda likes it.

- [grunts]

- I don't know how much longer

I can watch this.

- Somebody put my cone down.

I can't see. - You're too young.

Let's get those moms.

- [grunting]

- [yelps] How dare you!

These are my "felt cute today" pants.

[gasps] My mom hoodie!

[screams] - Oh!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- Oh, do you like my moves?

- They were amazing. [gasps]

Do you have a private ribbons coach?

Because my daughter-- - Hog-tie!

- [screams]

- All right. Yeah! [cheers and applause]

- New record time! Yes!

- [grunting]

- [groans]

- Excuse me, Moms?

[dramatic guitar music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, my daughter would love you.

- Oh, so would mine.

[grunts]

- All right! [cheers and applause]

- You're next, Corinne.

- Oof! - Ooh!

- Wow. - [grunting]

Thanks for your help, random children.

- No problem. Uh, what's your name again?

- [laughs] I think you know who I am.

- I've never heard of you. - Really?

You've never heard of Captain Man?

- No, I have not. I mean, I've heard of Volt.

- Oh, have you? - She's super cool.

- Oh, well, you'd... - Like, better than you.

- Be disappointed. - I wouldn't.

- Anyway!

It looks like these moms were jealous

of our skills and tried to prevent us from b*ating out

their precious little kiddies.

- Who att*cks kids?

- Moms do, and if we have to hurt other children

to help our own, that's exactly what we'll do!

- That's pretty messed up.

- Sorry for loving our kids too much!

- Now if you'll excuse us,

we have a Pilates class in ten minutes!

- Yeah.

- The only Pilates class you'll have is in jail.

- Run, Moms!

[all groaning]

- Aw, man.

I was just about to take 'em to jail.

I guess I got to chase 'em.

I'm coming to get ya, Moms!

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- I'm kinda gonna miss regular school.

- Yeah, it was fun while it lasted.

- Other than, you know, the beatings.

- Almost wish Schwoz wasn't able to fix SwAG.

- Okay, so I got a bear

to eat the spider-hornet-fire-termites,

but he ended up really, really hitting it off so...

you're gonna have to stay in regular school

for at least a couple more weeks.

- Oh, no! - Oh, snap.

[bear growls]

[dramatic music]

- What was that?

- That's the bear-fire-spider-fire-ter--

whatever waking up from his nap!

We should go! Come on!

[bear growling]

Faster! He's really hungry when he wakes up!

Go!

[bear growls]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay ♪

♪ I'm okay! ♪

♪ Danger ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ ♪

♪ Danger! One, two, three, Force! ♪