01x17 - I Spy A Witch

[bunniefuu]

You know, from this angle,

he's a very attractive woman.

Too bad Courtney's in France.

She would love this.

I'm not funny people. Year

after year I have put up with

your mischief week in the

good name of Halloween. But

this? This has turned my

blood cold. Nathaniel Lucky

Winslow was a Revolutionary

w*r hero. I must ask that the

person responsible for this

atrocity stepped forward.

OK, it looks like we'll have

to launch an official

investigation into thisoutrage.

OK, that was a unique take

on Glenda, the Good witch.

Nice job, Miranda. OK, folks,

give us a minute here and I

think we'll have our cast.

Your audition was really

good, too, Mace. I don't

know. I think my adroit's got

it the way of my accent.

Well, you can hardly notice.

Honest Macy, I wish I could

cast you off, but there are

only so many snitches in

Salem. So without further

ado, here's our main cast of

this year's production of I,

Spy Witch. The role of

Reverend John Wentworth will

be played by Dodie Bishop.

But Miss Zorski? That's a boy

's part. True, But no boys

auditioned for any part, not

even the lead roles.

I will do everything within

my powers to bring

authenticity and compassion

despite any gender confusion.

Glad to hear it, Dodie. The

role of Priscilla the girl

believed to be under the

spell of witchcraft, will be

played by Macy Lightfoot.

And the role of Mrs. Putnam

will be played by Lizzie

Lapoth, yes.

And the role of Goody

Webster, the innocent girl

who stands trial as a witch,

will be played by Ginger

Foully. Good

job, Ginger. Missorski,

there's been some sort of

mistake. Everybody knows that

I was supposed to play Goodie

Webster. I already learned

all the lines. Then tell

you what, let's make you

Ginger's understudy, and

we'll give you the role of

Villager #3.

Priscilla Putnam, that would

be B, falls into a weird coma

thing and won't wake up. And

because of that, Webster,

your daughter, the star of

the play, is accused of being

a witch even though she's

really not. Sounds like my

high school years and the

entire village is taking

charge to make up stories

about poor goodie, but my

character doesn't believe a

word of it. I've struck a dub

for that part of the play,

but then Priscilla wakes up

and tells everyone the truth.

Sounds terrific. Girls here,

stare this a SEC for me. I

need to rinse the

maraschinos. What is it?

Well, they call it cobweb.

Surprise, I call it candied

spaghetti. But this is the

stuff that Halloween is made

out of. Mod would be so

proud.

Carl, I'm warning you. Car

companion Bob had better have

both arms attached and

inflated by the time I leave

for work tonight.

The hoods, we are out of

shape. Well, it's been awhole year.

Help, Mrs. Boutley. Mom.

Macy's fainted.

Halloween is officially

begun. We were

just dancing, having fun. You

were dancing in the woods and

now this poor child, Weeks.

Not from her sleep. Miss

Dorski? Yes, Dodie, I'm

confused. If my character

believes Goodie Webster is

innocent, why is he asking

his questions? He's stating

them for the sake of irony.

Oh, so I shouldn't really

believe me when I ask it. Why

don't we pick it up at thesong, everyone?

There's no way we'll ever

believe you. This girl that

sleeps. Don't tell us. What

did you do?See

the words you can't deny so

on the power ye shall.

Good old fashioned Santa

BBQ. Oh,

I can't help but notice

you're quite handy with that

paintbrush, Mr. Zipper. Yeah,

I was going to use the

roller, but it was

broken. So.

The truth in all of our Boo

Hoo. She's. Oh, it's Just

watch her fly. Don't you eventry.

Just try to blind me,

Patterson. I'll still find

that culprit. There's

no way we'll ever believe

you. There must be something

more that I can do.

Pro to us, you're not a

witch. You're late. I've

already snitched a beast

around our Salem BBQ.

Loved your mischief Night

makeover on the statue? Mitzi

emailed me the photo. You

know too much. Don't worry,

your secret's safe with me.

Good 'cause nobody likes a

snitch. It just

doesn't seem like something

Ginger Foully would do. Need

I remind you that she

practically served time for

that bank sign incident?

Miranda, these are some

serious charges to make

without any real evidence.

Trust me, Principal Milty,

I'm sure that tomorrow you'll

find what you're looking for.

Oh, face it low. It's been a

long time since Bones 101.

Help, It's coming over with a

rusty garden hole I can

barely hold my guts in. Oh,

is this my spleen?

It was a total accident,

Missus Fowley. It slipped out

of my hands. Listen, you two,

I paid good money for that.

Calves litter. And like it or

not, it's dinner. Man,

this stinks. Gosh, Mrs.

Foundley, I know it's fake

and it still squeebs me.

We were dancing. Got your

experience, but there's no

evil here.

Excellent Faint Priscilla.

Oh, wow. Good job, Mace

Macy.

Hoods where Halloween duds.

Don't be so hard on yourself,

Carl. You had me scared.

Yeah, but you're not my mom.

Yeah, well, duh. Maude would

be so disappointing me. Oh,

that old lady was the king of

tricks. She were here, she'd

know what to do. Yeah, Too

bad she's dead and

everything. What? I

meant that what's P Bishop,

you are a genius.

But Carl, your mom was going

to make you eat that.

Why shall we not believe what

Goody is saying? Because here

my child sits stricken down

by a handle of witchcraft.

How else is she struck them

except by witchery? She or

dance? And I tell you

dancing, I would like say we

who stand here and accuse

this child of witchery.

Wait for no man to accuse

you, Goody Webster. Declare

it yourself. You have

discovered witchcraft.

OK, Hood, now close your

eyes and concentrate. I don't

know, Carl. I'm kind of too

nervous to concentrate.

Spirits, hear me. This

is Carl Feltley calling Maude

Webley. Come in, Maude,

Webley. Oh well,

no answer. Let's go get somespaghetti.

This is Carl. We need

your help mod.

Are you there?

That was so close, Yo. Maybe

she doesn't want her

gallstone back, huh? You

might be right, Hoods. I

mean, why would she want to

come back for her old junk?

We need new stuff, you know,

make it worth her while.

Ski, I may have a word with

you. Please take five,

everyone. Your Old English

accent is really good,Miranda.

I was born for the stage,

everyone, I'm very sorry to

report that one of you stands

accused of a crime. There's

no way we'll ever

believe you, folks.

This is for real. Although

I'm certain these claims are

grossly out of line. Let the

evidence speak the truth,

Miss Zorski. Ginger, would

you please get your things?

Can somebody let me out?

What's going on? I have noidea.

Would you mind emptying the

contents of your knapsack,

please?I guess not.

No. That stuff isn't mine.

I don't know how it got

there. Ginger Foully, I'm

afraid I'm going to have to

suspend you from school as

well as this fine musical

production. Let's go. But but

Principal Melty, I didn't do

it. I'm innocent.

Lookout Salem. There's a new

goodie in town.

What if you didn't do it?

What was that stuff doing in

your knapsack?I don't know,

mom. Someone must have put it

there. There was no doubt

that bye bye that Halloween

brings out the worst in

people. Carl, this isn't very

comfortable. Don't tell

me Brussels sprouts? No

Mutant spinach, Organically

grown. OK, now I'm

scared. Yeah, but not in a

good way. Come on, Hood.

Hey, don't come crying to me

if you're running to a hungry

goat. Look, Ginger, I believe

you. I promise that first

thing Monday, I'll go see

Principal Milting and see if

we can't set things straight.

Thanks, Mom, but the play

will be over by then. Oh, I'm

sorry, kiddo. I tried.

There's nothing more I can do

tonight if the man won't

answer his phone. We better

go, Macy. All right. Sorry

you can't be there with us,

Ginger. That's OK. Have a

good show, you guys. Trench.

Why don't you go and enjoy

the play from the audience? I

I don't know. Oh come on,

Ginger. Won't be the same

without you. No, it'll be too

hard to see Miranda getting

all the fun. I think I'll

just stay home and write or

something. Hey, break a leg,huh?

May I be the first to tell

you that is a fetching look

for you, Sir. It's a shame

your Mama cannot be here to

see it. Well then, perhaps

you might document my

Halloween escapades. We can

e-mail the photos to Mama

and Courtney, along with this

one I intercepted from her

website. You are a little

devil, Sir.

What are you, Wolfgang

Amadeus Mozart? That's

stupid. And watch, pray tell,

are you mutant spinach?

Hi yourself. We've come to

take you away and see if dead

people want you. So there.

And the rumors started to

arise. But what was that

lies in Salem town?

I spy A wish. I wish. I spy a

wicked wish. I

spy.

A witch.

That's for Mod. You can't hit

on it. Carl Fuckley. I'd

remember an explanation. It's

quite simple, Blakey boy. We

need a little Halloween help

from the great beyond, and

we're treating you in this

other stuff for the advice.

You wouldn't. Don't worry.

I'm sure they'll send you

back in time to go trick or

treating. You're not that

much fun. Crippling. You can

say that again. OK, now

everybody quiet.

Spirit, hear me? This is Carl

Feltley calling Mark

Webley. Come in, Maude,

We've got something for you.

It's about time you called.

Lord, is it you? Well, no.

Technically, it's your chubby

sidekick. I'm just using his

body right now. Carl, I

believe I've had an accident.

Hang on a second, Mod.

Listen, I need your help. I

can't scare my mom for

anything. I think I might

have lost the Halloween

spirit. You haven't

lost anything, kid. You're

good. Problem is that mother

of yours is better. That's

why Marty's here to help. But

First things first, give methat picture.

Check this out.

Very impressive evidence Mod.

Ginger will be quite pleased.

I thought she might. It's the

least I can do for croaking

at a fancy dinner party.

Lovely meeting you, nicely

going. I

was going to let you take

them back to the other side

if you wanted. 2 High

Strung.

Come on. My host is hungry.

Did you know that your mother

still thinks it was her

mushroom caps that k*lled me?

Come on, hoodie mod.

Oh boy, is he top heavy.

Great to see you, Maude. Same

here, small fry. Come on,

let's go have some fun with

that mother of yours.

Happy Halloween. Trick or

treat?Blows. Remain calm.

You're having an episode.

I said trick or treat.

Don't mind if I don't and put

that mind of yours to rest.

It wasn't your mushroom caps

that k*lled me. Between you

and me, I think it was the

rash. Oh,

where is my head? This is for

your ginger. She could use

it. Maybe even in time for

the curtain call. Take Care

now. Happy Halloween.

Ginger. That

was sweet. Mod, when it comes

to Halloween, you are the

best. I'm glad you looked me

up. And hey, thanks for

taking good care of my

gallstone. I worked hard to

make that baby. I'll cherish

it always.

Bye.

Where am I? You are not going

to believe what you justmissed hoods.

Three night air. My Priscilla

were ever so close to evil,

for how else is she struck?

Dumb, except by the hand of

witchery. But I am innocent.

I am not a witch. I know not

a witch. If you not know a

witch, then how ye know you

not a witch?

Dancing in the courts. And

now this poor child is

stricken dumb by the hand of

witchcraft. She wakes not

from her sleep. Tell us,

goody Webster, did you or did

you not conjure demons? We

were just dancing, having

fun. They are both but

children. And why shall we

not believe? What good are

you saying? Check this out.

I knew it, Judger.

I'm innocent. I say innocent.

Wait for no man to accuse

you, Cody Webster. Declare it

yourself. You have crafted a

witch. What are you?

I mean, I know not what you

speak of. I am an innocent

girl. I have to say, not

goody. Webster. You are so

guilty. This girl has been

making witches.

You've all lost you stupid

minds. I'm innocent. Cody was

communicating with the spirit

world. I saw her. I saw her

too. You did not. She is the

befriend mine either. She

said. That's a witch who

caught your spirits, is what

she is. And that a very nice

person. She's a conjuring

dancer. Knock it off, Lizzie.

Just tell the truth, Goody.

You crafted a witch. Never.

There's nothing but evil

here. Evil, I tell

ye.

Fine. You want to know the

truth? It was me, not Ginger

Feltley. Me. I did it. I

turned that stupid statue of

Nathaniel Winslow into a

witch. It was just

a joke. You have made your

wicked magic goodie Webster,

and now he shall pay.

Well, the innocent walk free.

Will someone let me out of

this thing? That was really

good. Dodie thanks. I'll say

goosebump city.

Well, now we know the truth.

Come on, ginger, time to take

our bows, I said. Let me

out.