01x09 - Love Is Not A Maybe Thing

[bunniefuu]

Oh, what a day.

You and Jordan, you guys have
been together how long now?

- Like, seven or eight months.
- Seven or eight months.

So we're kind of
over the honeymoon stage.

You guys seem like
the perfect couple

like, whenever we all hang out.

I feel like a part
of him is, like

jealous or mad
that I have this job.

See, I have different
boy problems.

Like, I've never been in a
serious, long-term relationship

but I've, so it's different.

I don't know, we've just been

kind of bickering a lot lately.

- I never have time to myself.
- Me time, yeah.

I never do. I think
that might be the problem too.

Like, I just don't...

I'm very independent

and I feel like
I haven't been lately.

Like, sometimes the way
he'll snap at me, I'll be like

"Jordan, like, you can't
snap at me like that."

- Oh, my God.
- I don't know.

It's so frustrating.

I mean, whatever's supposed
to happen is gonna happen and...

I feel like it's on, like,
the verge of a turning point

but I don't know exactly
what it's gonna be.

Yeah.

♪ Wonder how much longer
we can take ♪

[doorbell rings]

Yes, I said that's fine.

- Hi.
- Are you okay?

Don't yell,
do not cuss at me, Jordan.

Don't do that.

[sighs]

Are you okay?
Here, sit here.

[sobs]
What do I do when he, like,
cusses and yells at me

and I don't know what to do?

It's okay.
Why is he yelling at you?

Because I won't go get him
and then

I was like, well,
I'm with Audrina right now

and then he just started
screaming and cussing at me

and I don't know
how I can do this anymore.

I never do that to him.
I never yell at him. I never--

I know you don't.
You're so good to him.

That's why it's not fair, Heidi.
You deserve better.

I used to be so strong.

I used to be able to do
whatever I want.

And then I feel like I've been
broken down little by little

and now it's just like
I don't know what to do.

I can't have him talk to me
like this anymore.

You need a break from him.

It's just like I just
want to be with someone

who loves me so much.

Okay, whatever, I do think
I deserve to be a princess.

Every girl deserves to be
treated like a princess, like...

But you don't treat me
like crap.

- That's not okay and that's--
- That's not acceptable.

Like, I know what I have to do
and I know what I wanna do

but why can't I get there?

I just don't know what to do.

♪ Searching for a way out
on her own ♪

♪ Here I am afraid now
of everything I'd hope to know ♪

♪ Days roll on
that's come on down ♪

- You look so ladylike today.
- I do?

- Uh-huh.
- I know I put on these pearls.

'Wait, how was your birthday?'

It was, it was good.
It was, like, mellow.

- Yeah?
- 'Uh-huh.'

In the morning,
I had a big thing of roses

'and it was like a little note
on it and it was like'

'"Be ready at 5:00.
A car will pick you up.'

I went down,
there was, like, a limo outside

'and it took me
to Standard Hotel Downtown'

and he had probably,
like, a hundred candles

like, everywhere
and like rose petals--

'So he got a room
at the Standard?'

- Yeah.
- So romantic.

It was perfect.
It's all I wanted.

I'm impressed with guys
like that

'cause these guys are so young,
but they know what to do.

Seriously.

♪ The matching children ♪

♪ Fall in play ♪

♪ It makes me happy ♪

♪ Without the pain ♪

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hey, Belle.

No, Belle doesn't
want to talk to you.

- Why?
- Jordan, we need to talk.

Of course. Come here, Belle.

Jordan, I've just been
thinking a lot lately

about how you've been
snapping at me

and it's really been
affecting me.

So this was one more push.

It's like the straw
that broke the camel's back.

I was just like, how can he
keep talking to me like this?

I don't know what to do
to make him stop

talking to me like this.

And that was it for me.
And I just don't...

I don't know how to make
you stop because you think

you're passionate and whatever
but it hurts my feelings.

'Listen, I just
proved to you...'

- No, no, because--
- 'Yes, Jordan.'

'It's a combination
of the words'

and how you talk to me.

Okay, but I'm not gonna do that
'cause that's not who I am.

I'm not gonna
completely reconstruct

who I am
to become this calm person.

Okay, but you can't watch
how you talk to me

just a little bit? You can't
monitor it a little bit?

I told you
that whenever I'm passionate

'and I get freaking going
like this'

I'm not gonna, I'll-I'll watch
what I say mean to you.

I would think that the more
that you love me, the more

you'd wanna be, like, calm
and understanding and trying

to make me feel more comfortable
and not snapping at me

and watching how you say it
a little bit.

Okay, sometimes you have this
whole, like, little princess

persona, like, I have to cater
to you all the time.

I'm a girl.
I should be a princess.

How you treat me is a big deal.

- It is.
- 'And I cater to you a lot.'

I feel like I treat you
like a prince

or however you wanna say it

but I feel like
I cater to you a lot.

If I'm gonna do something,
I'm gonna something.

That's just the way I am.

Bella, come here.
Come on, Belle, come here.

Fine, let's just both
think about it then.

I'm gonna go run
and do something.

To get all your adrenaline out?

Look.

- But I love you.
- See you tomorrow.

'Tomorrow,
like I'm not coming back.'

'Maybe tonight you're not.'

Shut up.

Come here, Belle.

Bella, come on.
Come on, baby.

Fine, stay out here.

I cannot believe you are 20.

I will never again
be a teenager.

That's kind of gnarly.
That's kind of sad.

Did you like what we did
on your birthday?

Yeah.

Did you do anything with your
parents for your birthday?

They really want to
take you out to dinner.

They do, they keep telling me.

"We'd like to take you and Jason
out to dinner."

- Like, think about it.
- I will.

I wanna get a house so bad this
summer at the beach with you.

Come here and kiss me.

♪ Seventeen's okay for me ♪

♪ I'll be just what I am ♪

♪ I'm a girl
who is feeling free ♪

♪ Enjoying where I am ♪

♪ I'm enjoying where I am ♪

♪ I am I am ♪

♪ I'm not gonna try to be ♪

♪ Anything but me ♪

♪ I can't let it run away
I will let it ♪

You slept over at our place
for a change, huh?

Hey, tell me what happened,
dude. Something's up.

No, it was like if I raise
my voice like this

she thinks I'm being,
like, attacking her.

I'm being mean when I'm not.

I-I think there's something
more to this

than she's saying
because no way.

She doesn't get mad with the way
I talk to her--

Yeah, whenever girls get mad
at something

it's usually something else
that they're really mad at.

They just don't want to tell you
'cause you should know.

You know, you should know
what you did wrong.

Call her and be like what
we argue about is so stupid.

Like, come on, I love you,
like this is ridiculous.

You know. You guys will be fine.

Um, you know what you should do?

Want to know what
would be really cool?

What time does she get off work?

Six, but she's having dinner
tonight with Lauren.

'Cause I was gonna say
you should show up in like

like a suit and tie,
with like

with, uh, with flowers

when she was getting off work
and just be like

please let me take you
out to dinner.

I don't know
if I wanna do that.

It's all I can say.

Let's, uh, you wanna go
sh**t around, whatever?

Yeah. Take my mind off that.

[Heidi]
'I was just like so,
I couldn't eat all day'

I was so sick to my stomach

thinking about
what was going on.

I don't understand,
like, what is your...

- You're fighting over like--
- Um...

It started because he's been
treating me really bad lately.

Really bad, and getting,
and I haven't said anything

just 'cause I was gonna
let it go.

Boy problems are no fun.

I think they're like the worst
problems you could have.

You know that Jordan loves you,
there's no question.

It's not a question of whether
or not he loves you.

It's a question
of whether or not

'this relationship is working.'

'You know that whatever you do'

that me and Jason are gonna
be there, you know that.

Right.

A part of me is like
this is your chance out.

This is your easy out, Heidi.
This is it.

And then a part of me is like

no you're really
gonna miss him

and I don't know the difference.

I don't know what I think.

Heidi, regardless,
you're gonna miss Jordan.

I mean, you're gonna miss
even stupid things.

Like, everything in your room

is going to remind you
of Jordan.

Love is not a maybe thing.

You know when you love someone.

I love him, but there's
a difference between

loving someone and being
absolutely in love with someone.

Are you absolutely in love
with Jordan?

No.

♪ You haven't been cared for ♪

♪ With my heart ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

[thunder rumbling]

[Heidi]
'Hey, mommy. Hi.'

'Jordan's coming over here.'

♪ It's not the same ♪

I packed all of his stuff
last night.

♪ Not the same ♪

I'm, like, so nervous
'cause it's so hard.

♪ Around me and ♪

♪ Who is to blame ♪

♪ For this newfound insecurity ♪

Just seeing all this stuff
makes me wanna cry.

♪ Is where I don't love you ♪

♪ When you're not the one ♪

''Cause I just feel like
I've been broken.'

[door opens]

'Jordan's here. I gotta go.'

'I gotta go. Love you.'

- Hi.
- Hey.

- I can't do this anymore.
- I know.

I know and I can't either.

'I've just completely just
screwed things up, but...'

...I love you more than anything
in this world, Heidi.

[sobs]
I can't, I mean...

'I try to imagine my life
without you, but I can't.'

'I really can't.'

'Jordan, it's not about
if I love you'

because you know that
I love you more than anything.

It's about us not being
the best for each other.

And I'm done
and we've tried this.

You don't think
I'm the best for you?

No, I think that
we've been bringing out

the worst in each other.

'It's little comments
that we say to each other'

and it's little things
and it's just...

Heidi, I, I can't
live without you.

Like, I will do
whatever it takes.

I'm done.

I'm done.

[sighs]

Come here.

I'm taking my key.

Here's your bracelet
and your necklace.

Come here, Bella.

'Goodbye, Jordan.'

It's so hard.

[sobs]

I'm sorry.

- 'It's done?'
- It's done.

- I'm sorry, Heidi.
- I know, thank you.

I'm gonna go take a nap.
I have the worst headache.

- I feel really sick.
- Okay.

- We're gonna be here, okay?
- Okay, thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Come on, Belle.

♪ I'm not bitter ♪

♪ Just disappointed that's all ♪

♪ It's just one night ♪

♪ Tell me who's at fault ♪

♪ And how would you know? ♪

- So did you talk to her?
- Yeah.

- Dude.
- Pretty much over, dog.

When you vanished, I came
over here to see you.

'I knew that something was up.'

- 'What happened, man?'
- A lot.

Obviously a lot
more than I even thought.

[Brian]
'It just seems like
so out of nowhere.'

It is, I mean, dude,
she packed all my stuff.

Took all my pictures out.
It's over, like, she's done.

'I mean, you know what?
Whatever.'

Maybe, maybe I do talk to her
in a way

that I shouldn't or maybe
I-I, you know...

'Maybe I should have thought
about that, but--'

I'm just literally in shock,
like, I just...

The last thing I would ever
expect for you guys to break up.

I thought you guys were
Ken and Barbie.

But it blows my mind
because it's like

'Lauren and I, you know, we
always would come to you guys'

you know, like,
like when we were like

in fights and you guys
would do the same thing.

We'd been back and forth
all the time.

'I thought me and Lauren would
be way done before they would.'

- But what happened--
- That's what I'm saying.

It doesn't make sense
we used to come to you.

You helped us get better.

It's so picture-perfect,
like, on the outside.

We always were like,
people were always, like

Oh, my God,
they're completely in love.

All the time.

♪ Down empty city streets ♪

♪ They lead to a place
called nowhere ♪

♪ I think to myself
all I have is me ♪

♪ All I want
is to go back home ♪

♪ Somewhere where
I might belong ♪

♪ Still I'm not afraid to feel ♪

- 'So what's up?'
- Heidi and Jordan broke up?

- No!
- Yeah.

- No!
- Heidi and Jordan broke up.

You're lying.

It's just, like, depressing to
be in our apartment right now.

- Oh, my God.
- It's crazy.

- I'm like--
- Is he, is he devastated?

Yeah.

Um, oh, my God,
I really gotta call Heidi.

I mean, I don't wanna,
like, bring her down, but...

Yeah, no, she would like...

She's gonna be here this summer?

- Uh, yeah.
- Will you be here this summer?

I don't know if I'm gonna
stay in my apartment.

Oh, really?

Me and Jason were looking
at places over in, like, Malibu.

Oh, my gosh.

So I just, for the summer,
I'd like to live

closer to the water,
not as much in the city.

You're really getting
a beach house with Jason?

I'm still trying to figure out
what I'll do.

As relaxed as summer
is supposed to be

it always makes me
kind of stressed out

'because I feel like I have
to get some sort of job.'

So what if you were, you know,
got your own little beach thing?

What will Heidi do? Will Heidi
stay in the apartment?

I don't know.

You haven't spoken to her
about it yet, huh?

No, I mean, like, she knows
that we went looking and stuff

but, like, that was before
her and Jordan broke up.

Like when we went to go look at
places, so it was kind of like

Oh, it's fine, like, I'll just
live with Jordan this summer.

- Right.
- But not so much anymore.

So what happened last night?

- It was so hard.
- 'It's okay.'

Like, that's just the hardest
thing I've ever had to do.

For the next couple weeks,
Heidi, it's gonna be hard.

I know. It's just so sad.

It's like it's over.

I just have to be really careful
with my heart right now.

Yeah, you're gonna deal with
your feelings, and, you know.

I don't know, it's gonna
be so different now.

I've never seen you
without a boy.

I know.

See the crazy Heidi in you.

I just have to stop
thinking about it.

At least I got
my little buddy back.

Now I have someone to hang out
with all the time.

- I can't even imagine.
- We should start tonight.

- I am starting tonight.
- Okay, good.

Tonight is the first night
of my new life.

- I haven't been out in so long!
- I'm going out every night now.

[laughing]

♪ So many click click flash
I hardly see ♪

♪ All the people think they know
what's best for me ♪

♪ I think it's time
we switch direction ♪

♪ Get the attention off me ♪

♪ What's coming over me
I hardly see the crowd ♪

♪ The paparazzi best know
can't get some ♪

♪ You hover over me
like a harmless thing around ♪

♪ The people I'm so... ♪