09x09 - Your Pilot's on Fire

[bunniefuu]

[RuPaul] Previously
on "RuPaul's Drag Race..."

You'll be roasting
Michelle Visage.

[cheering]

[Sasha] Michelle Visage
is so Jersey,

her idea of classical music
is Lisa Lisa.

[all laugh]

Happy 90th birthday,
Michelle.

[all laugh]

Michelle Visage judges
a talent competition.

I don't know about you,

but don't you actually
have to have talent to do that?

Ha...

[RuPaul] Farrah Moan.

Nothing landed, honey.

[RuPaul] Alexis Michelle.

It's a Hanukkah miracle.
Baruch HaShem.

I literally forget
there was an audience here.

That's how silent they were.

My question
the whole entire time

is why is she green?

Well, Tamar, have you
ever watched the show?

Peppermint, you're the winner
of this week's challenge.

[applause]

Alexis Michelle,
shantay you stay.

Farrah Moan, sashay away.

-Oh, my goodness.
-Girl.

[sighs]

-Oh, Farrah.
-Oh, Farrah.

[Sasha] Why?

-Farrah.
-Oh, no.

Farrah was just eliminated.

I'm going to miss
the whining.

It was so charming.

Ooh.

[Sasha] Congratulations,
Miss Alexis.

[Trinity] How are you feeling?

I'm usually so comfortable
on my feet

in front of an audience.

And to choke like that,

I scarcely know
what happened.

Alexis is feeling a little
shook up after this challenge.

Her ego definitely
got checked a little bit.

And we're still
asking ourselves,

why is she f*cking green?

[Shea] Look at you trying
to strip for the camera.

You're my best friend.

You're my best--

Oh!

[all laugh]

[Trinity] Bitch, shame.

[Peppermint] Once again,
I look over

and Nina is off to the side
not participating.

She's somewhere else.

You've been quiet.

Honestly, I did feel like

some people
were coming for me, you know.

Did someone say that to you
or is this stuff that--

No, I can hear stuff.

I could've swore I've heard
certain girls kind of talking--

not saying my name, per se,

but I feel like they were
kind of talking about me.

-I'm not trying to make it up.
-So you're saying you know

that people are talking
about you to each other.

A little bit, yeah.
Yeah.

Nina thinks that everyone's
out to get her.

I think she thinks it's some
kind of a drag conspiracy,

and it's just not true.

I'm just taking things in.

It seems like you're
starting to withdraw.

I don't want you
to go back to that.

Nina needs to call
Patti LaBelle,

'cause she needs
a new attitude.

We started with 14,
and there are seven now.

Ooh, sh*t,
it's getting real.

At this point
in the competition,

the filler b*tches are starting
to fall off left and right.

You gotta go, you gotta go,
and you gotta go.

Next.

[car engine starts,
bell rings]

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

[RuPaul] The winner
of RuPaul's Drag Race

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills
cosmetics

and a cash prize
of $100,000.

With extra special
guest judges

The Real O'Neal's Noah Galvin
and Lisa Robertson.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪

♪ We got to find love ♪

Swish, swish, turn.

[Valentina] At this point
in the competition,

it is getting down
to the nitty-gritty.

We're all fighting
for the same title to win.

Move out the way, b*tches,
'cause I'm going to win.

A-currr.

[Trinity] I'm gonna, like,
rub your head for good luck.

[Sasha] I'm sure
it does something.

Trinity's always trying
to rub somebody's head.

You now have lice.

Aah!

I'm from Alabama.
I'm used to that.

Aah!

[laughs]
You told a joke.

[all laugh]

[door opens]

Hello, hello, hello!

[all] Hey!

Ladies, by inviting you
to "Drag Race,"

I've provided you
with a platform

that reaches millions of fans
around the world.

And now it's your turn
to take your careers

to the next level.

So for this week's
maxi challenge,

you will create,
write and star

in your own TV pilot.

-Oh!
-Yes!

#YourPilotsOnFire.

[all laugh]

You need to come up with
concepts, characters and stories

that lay the groundwork
for a new hit TV series.

You need to work
in two teams of two

and one team of three.

That's called mathematics.

[all laugh]

I'll let you pick your teams
right now.

Brrr.

Of course, Sasha and Shea
cling to one another.

Surprise, surprise.

Oh, my God. Okay.

I was going to go

and make a bee line toward
the other side of the room,

but turned around

and there was two lovely ladies
walking towards me,

so I couldn't really,
like, run.

Y'all love me
and you think I'm creative,

but you ran past me
to the next person. All right.

I'm just standing, it's you and me now.

They were like, okay,
I guess we're teammates.

Now, whatever you do,
make your charisma,

uniqueness, nerve and talent
binge-worthy.

So good luck
and don't f*ck it up.

[applause]

So cops is an option.

What are some other,
like, situations?

Spies.

Is now the time
for the Russian accent?

-[both laugh]
-[Shea] That's right.

I finally get to do
a Russian character.

I'm so excited.

[Russian accent] Like,
I hacked into the villa.

[both laugh]

I hacked into Versace's
spring collection.

[Alexis] Does anybody have any
ideas right off the bat?

[Trinity] I have one.

So my idea is, I think there
should be two church ladies.

Each of your sons
just came out as gay.

And then a nun.

I think a nun
would be really funny.

[Peppermint] I like that.

[Trinity] We're aiming for
something very religious,

but with a gay twist.

This summer,
two mothers, two sons,

one holy secret.

[Trinity] That's great.

Look, girls, you know what?

This is going to be easier
to spread out on the table.

-Okay.
-Let's do it up here.

[Peppermint] I really would like
to do the voiceovers.

-Okay.
-Um, I know that normally

there's only one
voiceover voice.

I would love if there was
a way to split it up,

just because I feel like I have
a lot to prove after last week.

I think it needs to be clear
who's speaking.

It would be confusing
to them.

[Trinity] I would rather
one of you two just do it.

So flip a coin or one of y'all
just, you know, step back

and let the other one do it.

[Alexis] I know for sure that
I really want to do it,

but I don't want to have
a fight with Peppermint.

Can we just read through it
a couple times?

[Trinity] Yeah,
we need a read-through.

So now Alexis
wants to do the voiceover.

Mm-mm. She's gonna
have to pry this part

from my cold, dead,
manicured hands.

[Valentina] "If you could create
your own hit TV show,

what would it be?"
-Mm-hmm

For this week's
maxi challenge,

we're making
our own TV shows.

I'm not not happy
that I have to write something.

It's just I feel like
I have to prove

that I have a talent

that I might not know
that I might have,

but I hope I do.

Okay, so what can we do?
Okay.

Maybe we work together
in an office.

Okay. It could be like
some kind of like Maury show,

like who's baby is it
or something.

I don't know.

[Alexis] Nina and Valentina
have ended up together,

and I say
recipe for disaster.

We have to know our lines.

That's gonna be easy
because we can go

based off of improv
in the moment, you know.

We can adlib,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think we have
a great chemistry,

and I know the judges
personally love us.

So I think that's gonna be
to our benefit.

So you come and join me
over here on the dark side.

Is it just to work next to me
'cause you love me so much?

That's about half of it.

I'm just not
feeling too good

about, like, my relationship
with Nina right now.

You two were very tense
last week.

Yeah. My feelings
were just really hurt.

Some girls here think,
oh, she's not original.

Oh, she's not being funny,
she's--

-Who is saying that, Nina?
-You.

What, bitch?
No, I never said that.

-Yes, you did.
-When did I say that?

You've said it
more than once.

I wasn't even trying to
throw any of that your way

'cause I don't play
those games with you.

I have always
looked out for you.

I have always built you up.
I have defended you.

So it actually
really hurts my feelings,

'cause
that's not who I am,

and I've never done that.

This morning, I felt like

she was even more cold to me
and, like, distant.

And I was just, like,
I think I just need

to just kind of, like,
distance myself a little bit

so I can concentrate more
on the competition.

The energy that she's giving me
is just really whack,

and I've just kind of
reached my limit.

I'm done.

Why, hello.

-Hi.
-Well, hello.

[Michelle] Welcome,
ladies and sister.

It's time for my team
to sh**t our TV pilot.

I actually feel pretty good
about our chances.

We're pros,
we look great,

and Alexis looks like
Kathleen mother f*cking Turner.

[Carson] You've got the pit crew
to use,

and you can use whatever props
and furniture you need

from 204 Events.

Let's start
with the voiceover

so we can get those
out of the way.

-Does that work for you?
-Great. Perfect.

Trinity Taylor
as Sister Mary Koont,

Mary, Mother Of Gay.

Cut. How about
on Mary, Mother Of Gay ?

Trinity Taylor
as Sister Mary Koont

on Mary, Mother Of Gay .

-That was pretty great.
-Thank you.

Did you all get the T
on Koont?

We did the time before.

-Okay, cool.
-Yeah.

[Carson] You probably
want to move on.

Next scene is

we are in the sister's office
in the church.

Do it in the rectory
real quick?

[laughs]
The what?

If I had a nickel.
And action.

Your son is always listening
to Broadway show tunes.

Well, your son
is always baking cakes.

Alexis, your accent's
just a little bit too twangy.

Where we're "bay a cay."

You don't have to go
too hillbilly.

A little more
Julia Sugarbaker?

[Peppermint] Alexis has
a real opportunity here

to go extreme
with this crazy character,

and she's playing
this conservative lady.

Really conservatively.

Your son bakes cakes.

Well, your son always
has something in his mouth.

Children, it's not
the end of the world.

Trinity, just bring it up.

These are two loud b*tches,

so you gotta overpower them.

-Okay.
-That is not my--

-Mercy, Lord.
-Children!

[laughs]

Father Ross, his breath
always smells like d*ck, too.

[laughs]

[choking]

Can we say "d*ck" on TV?

Of course, you can.
The d*ck Van d*ke Show .

He said "d*ck" and "d*ke."

Well.

That's good family television
right there.

It is. Thank you.

Welcome, ladies.

-Hey.
-Tell us what's going on.

We're gonna do
a funky spy dramedy.

[Russian accent] And I'm
an ex-Commie Russian mommy.

I'm gonna be a Kung Fu,
fighting crime.

Are we doing like
a blaxploitation feeling here

where things are like,
pow, boom?

-Yes. Absolutely.
-Yeah.

Okay, let's start
with your voiceover. Action.

This unlikely duo
will have to work together

to defeat the greatest evil
of all time.

Bad fashion.

Okay. I would love
for you to go for it.

Be those voices.

It's like
the Moviefone recording.

-Yeah.
-Welcome to Moviefone.

Yeah, yeah.

If you know the name
of the movie you'd like to see,

press one now.

-Perfect.
-And action.

Teets & Asky .

See you next Tuesday.

At midnight, mother fucker.

-[laughs]
-That was great.

Where are the Espadrilles ?

I said where are
the Espadrilles ?

Bitch, I'm talking to you!

I said, where are
the Espadrilles ?

[laughs and coughs]

Look good?
[all laugh]

-That's perfection.
-That works. That works.

Good, good, good, good,
let's go.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.
You don't stop.

[Sasha] Um, next up is Sunset?

-Yes.
-Action.

Friends forever, BFFs.

Looks like Ernie and Bert.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-This feels wrong.
-Really awkward.

That's a wrap
on Teets & Asky .

Thanks for being prepared.

-Whoo!
-Aah!

[Carson] Valentina and Nina
Bo'Nina Brown Jessy Raphael.

What's the name
of the show?

-Nina & Tina .
-Okay.

Do we have voiceovers to do?

We didn't get
to really finish it.

But I can try to go
off my head.

Just go for it, okay?
Ready?

And action.

Nina and Valentina
move to Hollywood.

I mean, okay,
Nina and Tina, sorry.

-So is it Valentina or is it...
-No, it's Tina.

Yeah, I'm sorry.
-Okay, okay, all right.

-You can do it again, baby.
-Sorry.

Nina and Valentina
moved to Hollywood.

Is it Valentina or Tina?

Tina.

Soon after,
Nina and Valentina

were finally released
from jail.

[snorts]

What's your next scene,
girls?

So talk us through
what you're doing right now.

All right.
So right now, she's in jail.

We're gonna play off
of each other, just adlibbing.

-Oh, you're gonna adlib?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's zero preparation.

Ready and action.

Oh!

Girl, let's just--
we have so much time in here.

We need to become
drag queens.

-[laughs]
-Let's say drag queens together.

Okay, okay.

We need to become...

-Drag queens.
-Drag queens.

Do you think maybe
a script would have helped?

Yeah.

Okay. I think
we better keep moving.

Yeah, let's go.

All right, talk us through
this next scene,

because
it looks really messy.

Trying to learn
how to do makeup,

how to pad and things,
so we're kind of like...

With household products.

'Cause we're, you know,
we're out of jail.

We're gonna be like, girl,
it shouldn't be hard to do this.

What, foundation?

Like, I'm doing her
with the--this is her--

No, I think we should do
our own makeup.

Should we do our own makeup
or should we do each other's?

What do you want to do?

I think each other,
but it's on you.

Should we do
each other's makeup?

Yeah, it'll be fine,
I think.

All right, ladies,
you ready?

Makeup removal wipes.

We need to take our lips off
really quick.

Why do you want
to take them off?

Well, because
we're doing a makeup.

-Oh, you're gonna put them on.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need a Ritalin smoothie
just to watch this.

Oh, my God.

Tick-tock.

And action.

You know, when times
were hard, girl,

a little pancake batter
went a long way.

Oh. Oh, girl,
that is your skin tone.

You look painted, mama. Oh.
[laughs]

Oh, I just feel it
going in my pores.

Oh, my God.
Grace Jones realness.

[both chuckle]
Ugh, ooh.

b*at me, bitch.

[laughs]

All right, ladies,
your time is up.

That was really, um...

-Interesting.
-Interesting.

[Valentina] I have no idea
how this is gonna turn out,

but there's laughter
in the room,

and that's what
we're here to do.

I mean, it was very
entertaining to watch,

even though
it was like a train wreck.

[Peppermint] It's
elimination day,

and it's time to get ready
for today's runway, Club Kid.

Oh.

I've been waiting for this
the entire time.

I'm so excited.

[Trinity] She's beautiful.

I want this dress.

This is
one of the first dresses

I ever wore in drag,
actually.

-You think I'm kidding.
-No, I know you're not,

but I'm not
gonna give it to you.

[Trinity] Well, if she goes
missing, I didn't take it.

[laughs]

Good luck fitting in it.

-Whoo!
-That ass.

Shady bitch.

[Valentina] You foundation
the back of your head?

Yeah.

[Alexis] Yeah, she does
her whole head.

I contour my head, too,

when I'm doing,
like, beauty makeup.

What does it do, though?

You're like, my head's so big,
I need to contour it.

Ooh! Good one, girl.

[Trinity] I don't have
that much experience

with this whole
Club Kid thing,

but I will say
I'm super excited.

Have you done a Club Kid look
before, Trinity?

I've never really done it

because I don't want people
to, like, laugh at me for--

Oh, well, that was cute.

Club Kid drag is completely
outside my comfort zone,

so I wanted
to just be over the top.

In the nineties, the Club Kids
changed drag forever.

They had an influence on,
like, every type of drag.

Beauty drag, pageant drag,

it all has, I think, felt
the legacy of the Club Kids.

[Alexis] Yeah, for sure.

It was an underground
party culture

that really pushed the
boundaries of q*eer aesthetics.

It didn't just shift drag.
It shifted fashion.

I remember seeing
the Club Kids

on, like,
daytime talk shows,

like Geraldo
and Sally Jessy , yeah.

[Shea] All of them, James St.
James, Amanda Lepore.

[Sasha] And Susanne Bartsch.

He wasn't exactly part
of the core New York scene,

but Leigh Bowery is very much
the spirit of the Club Kids.

Club Kids
have influenced drag today

in going beyond
female impersonation

and really thinking about
becoming a piece of moving art.

[Valentina] Oh, my God. Oh!

Oh!

[stomps foot]

Oh...

Are you using hot glue?

-Yeah.
-Oh, my God, on your face?

[Sasha] Don't burn your skin,
girl.

That's such
a drag queen sound.

That pop, pop.

Sound familiar, Nina?

Right. [laughs]

[Alexis] Hey, Nina, am I right
in sort of perceiving

that you seem to be a little
lighter in spirit today?

No, I'm still cursing
y'all b*tches out in my head.

[all laugh]

Girl.

No, I'm good, you know.

Just sometimes you just need
a little quiet time to yourself.

It's nice
to see you happier.

Let's see
how long it lasts.

[laughs] Girl!

[all laugh]

[music]

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Covergirl,
put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

And what?

Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race .

My favorite co-star,
Michelle Visage.

I'll always be the Rhoda
to your Mary.

Aw.

Style superstar
Carson Kressley.

Now, have you ever done
a pilot?

I have.
I can't remember his name.

[all laugh]

Today's special value,
the stunning Lisa Robertson.

Lisa, do you like my dress?

I love your dress.

Good. Well, there's
only 2,000 left,

-so order now.
-[laughs]

And from The Real O'Neals ,
Noah Galvin.

So excited you're here.

I'm very, very excited
to be here.

-I don't believe you.
-No?

Give her another take.
Give her another take.

This week,
we challenged our queens

to create, write, and star
in their very own TV pilots.

And tonight, on the runway,
category is Club Kid Couture.

Gentlemen,
start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

Category is...

Sasha Velour,
clown in a gown.

I want a Jumbo Jack fries.

[Sasha] I'm really enjoying

this freaky high fashion
clown character.

It's so true
to the Club Kid spirit.

[Michelle] Marcel Mar--
no, she better don't.

[RuPaul] Don't cry out loud.

Shea Coulee
serving Leigh Bowery.

[Carson] That swimsuit's
so tight, I can read her lips.

[all laugh]

[Noah] It's like a pearl
necklace around your mouth.

[RuPaul] She's really sunk her
teeth into this challenge.

[Shea] I am bringing you
twisted Club Kid royalty.

It's freaky,
but I know they into it.

-Is she giving me side-eye?
-I think she is.

[Carson] Just that one.

[RuPaul] Nina Bo'nina
Brown Anderson Lee.

[all laugh]

[Michelle] Your aorta
is showing.

[Nina] I'm serving Skeletor,
bad bitch,

and I walked backwards
on the runway.

So, honey,
Nina Bo'nina Brown

is the first to walk backwards
on the runway, so sue me.

[RuPaul] Now, that's
a party monster.

[all laugh]

Valentina.

[Carson] I didn't know there was
a SARS outbreak in Mexico.

[all laugh]

[Michelle] The running
of the queens.

[Valentina] Tonight,
I'm very espanola,

looking like a matador
with these nails

and this luxury
and this fabulous sparkle.

Like, this is what
I would do as a Club Kid.

[Carson] She's putting the ho
in Old El Pas -ho.

[all laugh]

[RuPaul] Trinity Taylor.

[Lisa] Fifth Element realness.

[Carson] I've never actually
seen a lady with blue balls.

-No.
-Hmm.

[Trinity] I'm giving you alien,

robotic,
venereal disease realness.

There is no beauty queen
here, honey.

-Dat ass.
-Mmm.

[Carson] It's okay. The K should
wear off in about 15 minutes.

[all laugh]

[RuPaul] Peppermint.

How many licks
does it take?

[all laugh]

[Noah] BDSM Lollipop Guild.

[Peppermint] My runway look
is a mix

between the exquisite
Leigh Bowery

and the genius
Klaus Nomi.

[Carson] Curiously strange.

[RuPaul] Oh, that
was refreshing.

[all laugh]

[RuPaul] Alexis Michelle.

[Carson] I can see
her trapezoid.

[Michelle] Oh! I think this
is the perfect outfit

to be weighed in
at the doctor's office.

[RuPaul] Yes.
[laughs]

[Alexis] I'm not used to showing
my body like this,

so this feels
really empowering.

I am serving body,
I'm serving sex,

and I'm serving graphic art.

I see
her bridge and tunnel.

[Michelle chuckles]

Thank you, Michelle.

Welcome
to the RuTV Up Fronts.

It's time to screen
your pilot presentations.

First up, Sasha Velour
and Shea Coulee.

[Narrator] The year: 1980.

Meet super glamour
mama-jamma Teets McGee

and ex-Commie Russian mommy
Natasha Asky.

This duo
will have to work together

to defeat the greatest evil
of all time.

[Teets] Bad fashion.

-p*ssy in the lap?
-[Russian accent] Meow.

I'm down with that.

p*ssy on a sweater?

That deserves a slap.

Wearing white after
international day of labor?

If you were
my mother's daughter,

she would drown you
in river.

Ha!

Bitch, I said
where are the Espadrilles?

Don't make me bring
your mama into this.

[Narrator] But the people
they end up helping the most

will be each other.

Why are you using
all these shoulder pads?

How else can I make myself
look like strong woman?

Vote, bitch.

[Narrator] There will be
twists,

turns, and cliffhangers.

Please don't jump.

You have so much
to live for.

[Narrator] Shea Coulee and
Sasha Velour are Teets & Asky.

See you next Tuesday.

At midnight,
mother fucker.

[applause]

I can't wait to get
the Teets & Asky lunch box.

[all laugh]

Up next, Valentina and Nina
Bo'nina Brown Miller-Boyett.

[snorts]

How you doing?

You looking
for some company?

[Narrator] Two ladies of the
night are thrown into jail.

[gasps]

-We've been framed!
-We've been framed!

[Narrator] What are their
names? Nina and Tina.

Put your legs
behind your head.

You're under arrest.

Oh!

[Narrator] And this is how
it all started.

Buddy, you'll hear
from my lawyer.

Bitch, because of you
we're in here.

I told you to stay on your
corner where you belong.

[both gasp]

-"RuPaul's Drag Race."
-"RuPaul's Drag Race."

I have a plan.

The two frenemies
continued to polish

all that entails to becoming
America's next drag superstars.

Girl, we have to do
a death drop.

One, two, three, go!

Oh, girl.
Are you okay?

Oh, I thought a death drop
means you really die.

Aah!

♪ Hey, kitty girl ♪

[Narrator] They finally got
their drag together

and competed
in RuPaul's Drag Race.

-Ooh.
-Damn.

Oh, my God.

[Narrator] You can catch
Nina & Tina

on Channel Zero at 4:00 A.M.

[chuckles]

[lone clap]

I'm not even
gonna look at the judges

'cause I'm quite sure
they're doing a face

of what the hell was that.

So I'm gonna look at the TV
so I don't see y'all.

Last, but not least,

Trinity Taylor, Peppermint,
and Alexis Michelle.

[Narrator] Two mothers,
two sons,

one holy secret.

-Oh, my gay!
-Oh, my gay!

[Narrator] Desperate for
guidance,

they turned to the holiest
mother they know,

Sister Mary Koont.

Our sons are gay.

-And it's her fault!
-And it's her fault!

Listen, your son
is always baking cakes.

Ooh, honey, your son is always
got something in his mouth.

This is not my fault.
This is your fault.

Honey, you ain't no godly
Christian woman at all.

Children!

You know, Father Ross,

his breath always smells
like d*ck, too.

[Narrator] This nun shows them
how to get closer to God

through prayer.

Ladies, get on your knees.

Oh! This doesn't feel
very ladylike.

Mm-hmm. I know
you know how to do it.

Just pray, damn it!

[Narrator] Communion.

Open wide, ladies.

[gags]

-Swallow!
-[Narrator] And celebration!

-♪ Gay men ♪
-♪ Gay man ♪

-♪ Gay men ♪
-Hallelujah!

-♪ Gay men ♪
-Hallelujah!

[Narrator] Starring Peppermint
as Shaquita Bryant.

Alexis Michelle
as Freda Phelps.

Trinity Taylor
as Sister Mary Koont.

Tune in to see if tolerance
goes balls deep

on Mary, Mother of Gay.

[applause]

Oh, hallelu.

Ladies, I've made
some decisions.

Ladies, based on
your pilot presentations

and your Club Kid couture,
I've made some decisions.

Sasha Velour, Shea Coulee.

Con-drag-ulations.

You're the winners
of this week's challenge.

You've each won
a $1,000 gift certificate

from The Spa On Rodeo,

and a sickening supply
of hair care products

provided by Aquage.

And the hair doesn't
have to be on your head.

[all laugh]

Good.

You may leave the stage.

Yes. We the dream team.

[Sasha] Oh, my God.

it's actually amazing
to win working with Shea again.

I'm so happy.

[RuPaul] That means you're all
up for elimination.

Now it's time
for the judge's reviews,

starting with Nina Bo'nina Brown
Stuart Masterson.

Tonight on the runway, I love
what you did with your face.

Your makeup is intense.
It's really insane.

But I think
the torso part,

it looks a little bit like
an afterthought for me.

I wanted to paint this,
like, elaborate ribcage,

but didn't have time, so I just
kind of did what I could do.

Let's talk
about "Nina & Tina."

Okay.

I felt like you guys
came with no preparation.

I really wish
you had a script.

Shows like
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"

are completely improv'd,
but they always have a structure

so they don't just
fly off the rails.

-Valentina.
-Hello.

Your runway look
I think is spectacular.

But I'm getting way more
high fashion than I am Club Kid.

And in the acting challenge,
same thing goes here.

I didn't feel like
you guys were prepared,

and I feel like you guys
kind of wandered

until you got
to where it was going.

It sort of felt like
a movie to me.

There has to be a formula
that you can fill every week,

so it can't be wrapped up
after the first episode.

[RuPaul] Up next,
Trinity Taylor.

I have to say, that
is my favorite runway look.

It is so well done.

This was really hard
for me.

You know, it's not easy to
look like a venereal disease.

[all laugh]

Everything about it rings true
to Club Kid for me.

I love it.
It's super fun.

Let's talk about
Sister Koont.

You went for it.

Children!

And you ended up
being the scene stealer.

You took directions
so beautifully,

and the moment we said
go bigger with it,

you embraced it
and you were the comedy gold

of Mary, Mother of Gay .

Really well done.

Thank you so much.

Up next,
hard candy Peppermint.

I'll never forget who you are
because of your outfit.

It's so on brand.

This is really
bringing back, like,

The Tunnel and Club USA
and all those great places.

Thank you.

I like
that it's over the top.

She could also leave here
and go to Let's Make A Deal .

What I loved about
Mary, Mother of Gay

was that it was totally
actual sitcom beats.

Like,
when they said the name

and you looked
at the camera like.

You did the voiceovers.

You committed completely
to your role.

I thought you did
a really good job.

-Thank you.
-Up next, Alexis Michelle.

Hi.

Tonight on the runway,
not my favorite look.

It is a body stocking
with a corset on.

This is beautiful,
your hair and makeup.

-Thank you.
-It's just almost like

it doesn't make sense
with the rest of the outfit.

They're two different looks.

In terms of the pilot,

your performance, for me, did
sort of get lost in the shuffle.

Maybe your character
didn't pop as much

because you took on
a lot of the producer role.

I want to say something,
and I don't intend by any means

to throw my beautiful
teammates under for this.

But I do think that
a lot of the organization

and, frankly, the clever
wordplay and the writing

I do think came from me.

In trying to keep things
running and organized,

I may have taken a back seat
in the size of my performance.

I have to speak up
right now.

The way that this discussion
is going down,

it sounds like Alexis
was the producer of our pilot.

That is not the case.

You were not
the only person--

I didn't mean to say that.

That was
writing things down.

The three of us did put in
a balanced amount of work.

I also felt that there was
a little bit of me, me, me.

Peppermint felt very strongly
about doing the voiceover.

Okay. I did say that
I wanted to do the voiceover,

but you could have said,
before we go to sh**t,

let's talk about this again.

It wasn't much
of a discussion.

It felt like it was claimed.

I want to say
one thing as well.

As a team, all three of us
put in the same amount of work.

It was all of our ideas.

And please let me repeat,

I was not trying to throw you
under, either of you.

But in focusing
on administration,

my performance was not
the same size as my co-stars.

Thank you, ladies.

We've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage,

the judges and I
will deliberate.

All right, now, just between
us network execs,

let's start
with Nina & Tina .

This was a difficult challenge
for Nina and Valentina

because
it was very structured,

and I don't feel like
they're very structured people.

They were spinning
their wheels in the mud.

They were going nowhere,

and they were
going nowhere fast.

However, could I sit there
and watch them do it forever?

Aah!

-Absolutely.
-Sure.

I mean, this is
a Night at the Improv

you don't want to miss.

I'm just really disappointed
with these two

because there's
so much comedy gold

that could be made into a sitcom
with these two characters.

This week on Nina & Tina ,

the old prost*tute
from Chattanooga

teaches the girls a lesson
about hot water cornbread.

Michelle, write this down.

I think this
is a really good idea.

-I got it, I got it.
-Yeah, good.

Trinity Taylor.

As far as
Sister Mary Koont,

she went for it balls to
the wall and she delivered.

Tonight was a great night
for Trinity.

Although I do think

that she really
committed to the part,

the pilot that they did
is my least favorite.

[RuPaul] Listen, it was cliché
and not that original.

I think the show's
gonna be a big hit.

[all laugh]

Peppermint.

Everything that you
need to do in a sitcom,

I think Peppermint
delivered.

And she really nailed it
in the voiceover.

-That's true.
-Because that's really

set the tone
for the whole piece.

-Yeah.
-Alexis Michelle.

She was very prepared,
knew her lines.

I don't like that she turned
on her teammates like that.

I just feel like
she was making excuses

for why her performance
didn't pop for us.

At the end of the day,

you just have to be memorable
in the presentation,

and she wasn't.

[clap, clap]
Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Peppermint, Trinity Taylor,

your performances were crass,
crude and clichéd.

You're both safe.

-[laughs]
-Thank you.

You may join
the other girls.

Nina Bo'nina Brown,
your skeletal look is k*ller,

but you really boned
your pilot.

I'm sorry, my dear, but
you're up for elimination.

[Nina] I already knew it.

Call me Miss Cleo.

[RuPaul] Valentina,
on therunway,

you gave us Spanish fly,

but your pilot didn't land.

Alexis Michelle, at this point
in the competition,

there's no excuse
for not standing out.

Oh, my God.

[RuPaul] Alexis Michelle,

your prayers
have been answered.

You're safe.

You may join
the other girls.

Thank you.

[RuPaul] Valentina, my dear,
I'm sorry,

but you are up
for elimination.

Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me

and save yourself
from elimination.

The time has come...
[thunder]

for you to lip sync

[echoing] for your life.

[Valentina] Nothing can explain
what I'm feeling

as I'm waiting to have
to lip sync for my life.

I'm scared.

Good luck
and don't f*ck it up.

♪ Greedy ♪

♪ You know that I'm greedy
for love ♪

♪ Boy, you give me feelings
never felt before ♪

-Is she seriously leaving that on?
-I don’t know.

-[Michelle] This is a lip sync.
-[RuPaul] Right.

♪ I know
that I'm coming tonight ♪

♪ You know
I'm coming tonight ♪

♪ Don't want to deny it
anymore ♪

♪ Been in this
state of mind ♪

♪ Been in
this state of mind ♪

♪ Been in this state of mind,
oh, yeah ♪

[RuPaul] Stop.
Hold up, hold up.

All right, enough.
[music stops]

Valentina, this is a lip sync
for your life.

We need to see your lips.

Take that thing
off of your mouth.

I'd like to keep it on,
please.

[RuPaul] It's a lip sync.

What part of that
do you not understand?

Okay.

[RuPaul] So we're gonna reset.

Okay.

Lip sync for your life,
take two.

♪ Greedy ♪

♪ You know that I'm greedy
for love ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so ♪

♪ I don't need
a phone call ♪

♪ Got nothing to say ♪

♪ I'ma tell you
when it's over ♪

Oh, she doesn't know
the words.

♪ I know
I'm coming tonight ♪

♪ I just need
to get this out the way ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

[Valentina] In this moment,
my mind is just at a blank.

I don't remember the song.

I just want to disappear.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Baby, you got lucky 'cause
you're rocking with the best ♪

♪ And I'm greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so ♪

♪ Greedy, I'm greedy,
I'm greedy, I'm greedy ♪

♪ I'm greedy for love ♪

Yes, yes, yes, whoo!

Yes!

♪ Baby, you got lucky 'cause
you're rocking with the best ♪

♪ And I'm greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so ♪

♪ I ain't talking money ♪

♪ I'm just
physically obsessed ♪

♪ And I'm greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so greedy ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so greedy,
ooh ♪

♪ You know that I'm greedy
for love ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so ♪

[applause]

[sobbing]

Ladies,
I've made my decision.

Nina Bo'nina Brown,
shantay, you stay.

Thank you.

You can join
the other girls.

Valentina,
I thought you had the stuff

to go all the way.

Now sashay away.

Thank you.

I'm so humiliated tonight.

I want to be here so bad.

I don't want to go.

[crying]

Los quiero mucho.

I never imagined

this was the way
that it was going to end.

[sighs]

I wanted to leave
putting up a good fight,

and that's something
I wasn't able to do today.

But I don't want to leave
feeling disappointed.

I want to leave here
feeling grateful.

My queens, never give up.

And remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get
an amen up in here?

-Amen!
-Amen!

All right.
Now let the music play.

♪ Hey, kitty girl ♪

♪ It's your world, hey ♪

♪ Hey, kitty, kitty girl ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, kitty girl ♪

♪ It's your world ♪

♪ When you walk the street
steppin' to the b*at ♪

♪ Hey, kitty girl ♪

♪ Get your crown ♪

♪ In the disco heat ♪

♪ You're the boogie body
rockin' queen ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Kitty kitty,
Hey, here kitty kitty ♪

♪ Hey, kitty kitty, yeah ♪

♪ Ahh, yeah, whoa-oh-oh ♪