02x08 - Not You Yet

[bunniefuu]

NELL: I really didn't want a ghost

coming to the fertility clinic
with me. Feels a little weird.

Your obituary was due yesterday.
You gotta give me something.

Aren't words supposed to be your thing,

Mr. National Book Award
Winner Fredrick Moreau?

It's actually Fredrick P. Moreau.

Okay. So what does the "P" stand for?

- I'm not gonna tell you.
- Come on.

Is there anything else I
should know besides the fact

that you retreated to
a cabin in the woods

after writing one best
seller about a prep-school boy

and his friendship
with a blind professor?

- Nope. That sums it up.
- Ugh!

Okay. Glad you finally
made it in, Ms. Serrano.

Sorry about that, Dr. York.

I know I rescheduled a bunch of times.

I just wasn't sure I was ready.

But now I'm pretty sure I'm ready.

Good. You need to be ready.

Freezing your eggs is a huge commitment,

and time is of the essence.

Your next egg could
be your best egg. See?

- Hmm. Cute poster.
- Now, you'll need to start taking

prenatal vitamins and
abstain from gluten,

processed sugars, and alcohol.

But it's Fri-day!

Do you want a bay-bay?

- k*ll "may."
- Got it. Yeah.

Do you have a partner to
help you with this process?

Well, no. I mean... [CHUCKLES]

I did just start seeing someone,

but we've only been on a couple dates.

He hasn't seen all my parts,
if you know what I mean.

I don't think we should
have the egg talk quite yet.

Okay? No partner. Nobody.

- Oh.
- Sad.

And do you have someone to help
you with the hormone injections?

Oh, yeah. My best friend, Sam.

She'll totally help me with that.

Um, well, I haven't told her yet,

but, uh, telling her, you
know, makes it all real.

Nell, you're in a doctor's office.

- This is real.
- Uh-huh.

In your defense, you do see ghosts,

so you don't have a great
handle on what's real.

[FINGERS SNAP] Mnh!

I can't deal with you
if I can't drink coffee!

Wow. Good thing I brought you one.

Ohh! Hee-hee-hee!

Where you been?

Oh, the dentist. Yeah.

I got more crowns than the
Queen of England... R.I.P.

"Dentist." Interesting.

Well, good thing I made it extra sweet.

Mmm! Sugar and caffeine is my favorite.

- Mmm!
- Mmm.

So, I know we both love Ed Sheeran.

Shh! That's our secret!

And it's worse for you,
so lower your voice.

Okay, well, he's playing
at a festival in the desert.

I thought we could share a tent.

Perfect! Like the Ed
Sheeran song, "Perfect."

- I'll send you the details.
- Okay.

A liar who likes Ed Sheeran.

I'm not a liar.

I'm gonna tell my best friend right now.

♪♪

So guess what.

Keith and I filed for divorce today?

Whoa.

I am a soon-to-be divorcée.

Wow. That is really
big. How are you feeling?

- Honestly, I'm kind of relieved.
- Okay.

Yeah, I've just been under this

heavy cloud of seriousness for so long.

I'm ready to shake it off.
So what do you want to do?

Snuggle and watch movies?

- Boring!
- What?

Do you, like, bug the office?

Do you think these are
smoke detectors? Get real.

Sam, we need to celebrate
your transformation.

You know what? I'm actually
really proud of myself

right now for doing the right thing

even though it was so hard.

And I feel like we should celebrate.

I'll call my pilot.
Tulum? Turks and Caicos?

I was thinking more like
day drinking in Pasadena.

Ohh! Pathadena! That's in Spain, right?

Oh, you mean this Pasadena.
Well, I mean, I could try it.

I want all the alcohol
and gluten and sugar!

Like, a margarita with a waffle in it!

- [SIGHS] Nell?
- Of course!

Put it in my body!

Whatever you want, it's all about you.

Oh, wait. When you came in
here, what were you gonna say?

- You said, "Guess what."
- Hmm? No.

Just want... I... Chicken butt!

Guess who. Chicken poo.

It's silly. It's stupid.

- Yay, divorce!
- Divorce!

Yay!

- [Knock on door]
- NELL: It's open.

I'm not going. You can open your eyes.

Okay. You never know.

You kind of have a sick and
unpredictable sense of humor.

Oh. Did you just come
in here to compliment me?

- No. I need advice.
- Hm.

It's my one-month anniversary with Lexi,

and all I got her was
this framed picture of us.

Cute. It's perfect.

- Really?!
- Yeah.

I feel it's boring
just to hand it to her.

Well, then you should,
uh, surprise her with it.

- Everyone loves a good surprise.
- I don't know.

She's impossible to surprise.

She's always one step ahead,
even sexually. Before I...

Hard to surprise. I get it.

[GASPS] Wait! Oh!

You can go to the office
and leave it on her desk

so she's surprised to see it on Monday.

Oh, here. You can use my keys.

Here they are.

It's on there.

Are you a jail keeper?
What's with all these keys?

Sometimes you need access
to an old boyfriend's car

or apartment or his parents' house.

♪♪

- [CORK POPS]
- Hey!

- Hey!
- There we go.

Sounds amazing! Wow! Look
at it. It's so bubbly.

Control yourself. It's day one.

Mnh. Okay. So, a toast...

- LEXI: Oh.
- ... to Sam.

May this next chapter be
filled with friendship,

adventure, and a plot
twist involving Idris Elba.

LEXI: Ooh! Ooh! I'd listen to that book!

- [LAUGHS]
- Cheers. Let's go.

CRICKET: All day!

And another toast.

Ohh! Looks like you need a refill.

Another? Love it! Ooh.

Okay. To Sam.

May your transition into
singlehood be as beautiful

as a butterfly emerging from the pupa.

Wait. Wait a minute.
Something feels off.

[SNIFFING]

What are you sniffing at?

You don't have to shower every day.

This plate of fries
has been in front of you

for a whole three minutes,
and you've had nary a nibble.

You have the willpower of a raccoon.

There's no reason why
you wouldn't eat these.

Unless you had some serious motivation.

You're freezing your eggs!

- Busted.
- What?!

- Is that true?
- I am.

That is a weird trick, Lexi.

Thank you.

♪♪

I mean, I know you were thinking
about freezing your eggs,

but when did you decide
to actually do it?

I had my first consultation yesterday.

Get out! Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want my forced
sobriety to cast a shadow

on your Divorce Day.

And I can't have any fries
or cake or alcohol or fun

because my next egg
might be my best egg.

Oh. Nell.

Scientifically, your best
egg would have been years ago.

Oh, forget Divorce Day.

No, this is your day.

Nell is right. This is the one day

you get to phoenix yourself
from the ashes and get so turnt

that you consider getting Ben Affleck's

- midlife-crisis back tattoo.
- Don't do that.

I have the Olympic rings
right next to my hoo-hah.

I picked the right year to die.

I want to support you
on your journey, too,

and your journey does not
involve fries and alcohol.

Come on. Do you know how many
nights you held my hair back?

Now it's my turn to hold back yours.

I mean, normally, you're the one
that's keeping it all together.

But now I get to be Sam.

What a great idea!

You will have to wash
your clothes, though.

Okay, if you're going to
be the responsible one,

I guess that makes me Nell.

- I'm in.
- Hell yeah!

Okay. So if you were me,
what would you do next?

Okay. I'm Nell. I've just gone
through a terrible breakup.

That means I am going to McNicky's,

I am doing sh*ts, I'm
eating potato skins,

and making out with four
different men named Jake.

That is what I would do!

Okay, ladies, this is
where I get off the train.

Nell, that leaves you in
charge, and I don't want to see

these ladies come home barefoot
by the end of the night.

No, but that's what
happens at McNicky's.

- Nell...
- But not tonight.

I'm on it.

[ALL CHANTING] Jakes!
Jakes! Jakes! Jakes!

ALL: Whoo!

♪♪

Hey! Edward! The tree lawyer!

Mr. Rhodes. I'm surprised
to see you here on a weekend.

Oh, well, I came in to just, you know,

check around the place,
make sure it's in shipshape.

And what brings you
here? Besides an e-bike?

Ohh. Okay. I was just gonna
put something on Lexi's desk.

Ah. You two are, uh,
mashing potatoes, are ya?

Oh, yes. But we're also dating now.

Ah, I knew it! You can't
pull anything over on me.

And not just because I'm 6'8".

You know, I stole that
line from my grandmother.

Handsome woman.

So, look, since you're
here, why don't we, uh,

go up to my office and, uh,
we can get to know each other?

Maybe another time. I just...

Yeah, but you know what? Since
you're dating my daughter,

I should be able to vet your character.

Oh, come on. It'll be
painless. I promise.

It's not like I have a
shotgun over my fireplace.

Well, not since the accident, but...

- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
- MAN: Whoa!

Yeah, I remember now why we used
to call this place McStickies.

- It is hauntingly loud in here!
- Huh?

I can actually feel the
noise behind my eyes.

The sun is out. Do these
people have no shame?!

And it's perfect for Divorce Day.

Drinks are cheap. Food is greasy.

- Men are bearded.
- Hm!

- [LAUGHS] Yes, they are! Hi!
- Hey!

Happy Divorce Day. I can
only stay for one drink.

Or, as I like to call
it, a gentleman's buzz.

- Ohh!
- So what are we having?

Ooh. I will have a glass of Chardonnay.

Single ice cube. Thank you so much.

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

What would Nell order?

I will have two sh*ts of tequila

and that gross blue drink she likes.

Double McSticky! Excellent choice.

No, I will have that Chardonnay.

But no steel barrels. Only French oak.

I'll speak to the sommelier.

Yeah, you do that.

Okay. Listen to me. If I have
to drink that gross blue drink,

you have to take your prenatal vitamin.

I know! I just haven't had
time to go to the store,

buy the wrong kind, go
back and get the right kind.

- What?
- Lucky for you,

I always have them on hand.

And... ohh!

One left.

That is like a full shnack.

Why do you still have these?

Have you seen my nails
and hair? Come on.

Okay, but that is
officially the last Sam thing

you get to do for today.

From now on, you are fun, single Nell.

Mnh! Yes!

Now give me your purse.

Yo! What do you have in here?!

- Kettlebells?!
- No!

Now, you know what
happens next in McStickies.

I have to go and put my
face on someone else's face.

Damn straight!

I'll just be over here... knitting?!

Girl! Have you been working
on this for like a year?!

♪♪

It's really a warm day for a fire.

Maybe I could have something to drink?

No. What score did
you get on your LSATs?

And do any diseases run in your family?



Very clever, Edward.

How do you intend to
take care of my daughter?

- Tenderly.
- I meant financially.

Oh. Well, that's easy.
She's rich and you're rich,

so I don't really think
she needs me on that front.

You know, Edward, I find
you to be a bit of a mystery.

I don't like mysteries.

I always read the last two pages first.

But there's one place to
get to know another man

that's better than anywhere else.

Please don't say steam room

or any other shirtless situation.

The basketball court.

[WHIRRING]

♪♪

Look at that.

Alright. What do you
say? High score wins, huh?

Alright. I can give it a try.

I haven't really played much...

[BELL DINGS]

... since I walked on at Stanford.

Terrific.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Oh, my God. Okay.

Blue beanie. 3:00. He's
kind of cute, right?

I'm sorry. Why are we
wearing a hat indoors?

Just lean into being bald, king.

Let that forehead shine!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

I would not have eaten if I knew

the bar was serving beefcake.

I just want to swim in his eyes

like they're a cold pool on a hot day.

Ooh.

Ohh. But look at his hands.

A man with that much finger jewelry

is never going to change a diaper.

I am not looking for another husband.

I am looking for a
temporary home for my tongue.

Oh. Go get 'im, girl.

♪♪

Hi.

Hey. I'm Jake.

I'm... Nell.

Come on. Just one glass of water, dude!

I have to take this
giant horse pill! Please!

Water! Now! Or I'll have your nuts.

- Right away, ma'am.
- Damn.

Nell, it is just thrilling
that you're freezing your eggs.

I froze mine in my early 20s,

as all Rhodes women do

in our scientifically determined prime.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

How did TJ respond when you told him?

- I haven't told him yet.
- Well, I mean, it's important

to be on the same page about kids.

Edward and I had the discussion
mid-coitus our very first time.

Thank you for saying "coitus."

And I hear your point.

But, yeah, we are doing
really well, me and TJ,

but we're also just still
getting to know each other.

Nell, you're not high schoolers

fumbling through the
dark for belt buckles.

In adult relationships, you have
to take action on these things,

whether you want to or not.

Huh.

♪♪

Consider your nuts safe. For now.

Heh. I need a breather.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Not right now!

Ohh! Ugh! My vitamin!

Oh, my bad.

Of course.

♪♪

[GROANS]

Uch!

DUNCAN: I'm usually a lefty,

but I injured myself playing craps.

[BELL DINGING RAPIDLY]

I need a mulligan.

[BUZZER]

[BELL DINGING RAPIDLY]

Dunkin' Duncan!

[BUZZER]

Whew. Shouldn't be winded.

[BELL DINGING RAPIDLY]

Wow! You are dialed in there.

So, have you been keeping the score?

Uh, yeah. That was three wins in a row.

Great. You wanna call it?

I would love to get my gift over
to Lexi's desk and surprise her.

You know what? Let's go again, huh?

And, Edward, uh, just a little advice.

- This time, you should really let me win.
- What?

Well, you want to get closer
to Lexi by befriending me.

And in the past, the young
men in your situation,

well, they used to let me win.

Well, they probably
didn't have my stroke.

- Yeah.
- Uh...

But, you know, Lexi used to
date this brainiac from MIT.

I b*at him at chess
seven games in a row,

and I don't even know the name
of the horsey with no legs.

[GRUNTS]

- [BUZZER]
- Enh!

The point is, when you're dating Lexi,

you're kind of dating me, too.

Got it.

[BELL DINGS, CROWD CHEERS]

It's called a knight.

It's my name on the machine.

♪♪

Ohh. Uh, hey, hey. Just coming through.

Just got to pop some
folic acid real quick.

Woo-woo! [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Oh, this is...

[WOMAN SOBBING]

Unh. Ugh. Ehh.

- [SOBBING CONTINUES]
- Oh! I've been there.

It's gonna be okay, girl.

SAM: Nell? Nell?

Sam? What are you doing
here? What... What's wrong?!

You know, it was going great
with chunky-ring guy, you know,

and I was, like, pretending
to be interested in his podcast

that he has with his brother
where they watch movies.

It's called "Tarantin BROS."
Anyway, we were flirting,

and then we were talking,
and then he kissed me.

That's great! You did it!

No, it's not great because
he had gum in his mouth.

And now I have gum in my mouth.

Oh, mama. No! Oh, oh. Egh. Ugh!

- I'm just terrible at being Nell.
- No.

Because I didn't eat
enough of the potato skins.

And this blue drink, it's
triggering my acid reflux.

You're just way better at being me

than I am at being you.

No, I'm not!

Sam, I just downed a dirty pill

with a handful of bathroom sink water.

And it got stuck. I
can feel it in my chest.

And I'm terrible at being
an adult and responsible,

and I'm freaking out.

It's only been one day.

How am I supposed to
do this for a month?!

And then 9 months?! And then 18 years?!

It's okay. It's okay.

We're gonna be okay.

Yeah.

Oh, and I lost your purse.

No! My purse?!


two emergency quarters.

So, yep, it's all there. Thank God.

Yeah, but my knitting is
gone, and that is on you.

Yeah, I think if we
learned anything today,

it is that I am not ready
to take vitamins properly

or keep track of a purse,
let alone another human.

Girl, just listen, alright?

You don't have to have
this baby tomorrow.

You don't even have to
make the decision tomorrow.

This is all just insurance
in case one day you want to.

I do want it someday,

but right now I can't
picture myself doing it.

Especially alone.

I think that's why I
liked pretending to be you.

Because I'm afraid of what comes next.

- You were pretending to be me to be brave?
- Obviously.

I was pretending to be you to be brave.

Girl, why?!

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- No!

I don't know!

Look at us. [GASPS]

Oh, I guess we're both scared.

- And we're both brave.
- Hm.

And if I'm being brave, ugh,
I think I should tell TJ.

Alright.

Just remember, though, okay?

No matter where that relationship goes,

just know I got your back.

Thanks, Sam. I got your
back, too, you know.

- I know.
- And whenever you decide that...

My scarf!

Girl, you better get him!

Hey! That is my scarf!

You better... Hey! Listen to me!

You are so brave!

Hah.

Hi.

Apologies. I'm eavesdropping.

After 20 years alone in a
cabin, even this is riveting.

Look who's back.

And using his words.

After my first book was so successful,

I was afraid my next one
couldn't live up to it,

so I hid away in that cabin for years.

And now I'm afraid of what's next.

That's why you didn't tell me anything.

You didn't want me to
finish your obituary.

Yes.

So what do you want to do? Hm?

Is it just you and me
forever, Fredrick P.?

After listening to you
and your friend talk,

it seems I can be scared
and brave at the same time.

Plus, I can't go to an Ed
Sheeran concert with you.

I can't.

You are missing out!

I suspect I'm not.

You know, the truth is,

I-I used to find it a little annoying

when Lexi's old boyfriends
would let me win.

And now I'm trying to figure out

if it's more annoying that you didn't.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Sir, I've always found it hard

to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

You couldn't throw a brick
up every now and then?

No.

My touch is too good.

But I really do like Lexi.

And I want you to like me, too.

It just needs to be the real me.

Uh-huh.

You know, I asked Lexi to
dinner tonight, and she said no.

Which is a first.

So she must really like you, too.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Keep it up, little fella.

Oh, the picture frame.

Well, now that you've had the chance

to look everything
over, what do you think?

You want to buy a newspaper?

- [ALL AGREEING]
- Wonderful!

Well, this will surprise Lexi.

♪♪

I thought for sure you'd be too wasted

to still want to meet tonight.

- [LAUGHS] Hey.
- Hi.

Um, I actually did do dr*gs
off the bathroom floor,

but, nope, I'm sober.

- Sounds like someone owes you a refund.
- [CHUCKLES]

Hey. So, there's something
that I want to tell you.

You hate Ed Sheeran.

Oh. I knew it was too good to be true.

No. I love him.

I wanted to tell you

that I did not go to the
dentist yesterday morning.

I was at the fertility clinic
because I'm freezing my eggs.

I know we just started
dating, and it's really weird

to talk about these big conversations.

I just know that I want to have kids.

Maybe not tomorrow, but
they are in my future.

And, you know, I got to start
taking steps towards that today.

I grew up in a big
family, the oldest of four,

two working parents.

I practically raised
my younger siblings.

- Oh.
- And I loved it.

Oh, I'm sure you're a great big brother.

Yeah. I'm awesome.

[CHUCKLES]

But I have kind of always known

that having kids is not for me.

Oh.

Damn. Okay.

Yeah, that took a turn at the end.

I just... I just want
to be honest with you

so you don't feel like
you're wasting your time.

This wasn't a waste of
time. I really like you.

I really like you.

Can I still bring you coffee?

Yeah.

But make it a green
smoothie. But not too green.

I want... I want there to be kale in it,

but I don't want to taste the kale.

- Like, at all. Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

NELL: Life is full of expectations.

We get comfortable in one chapter,

only to find ourselves
entering a new one.

Fredrick P. Moreau
knew that pressure well

when he famously retreated
from his early success.

Mm. You're missing a semicolon.

Alright. So we tension
our yarn length...

But there is no perfect
way to move forward.

There's only the courage
to go in that direction.

Not everyone is going to be
on board with your next move.

Some things may fall away...

and others remain, but take new shapes.

♪ Any day now ♪

Mmm! Yes!

[LAUGHS]

And even though we may feel
afraid of what comes next...

[LAUGHS]

Oh? It's a framed photo of us!

It is.

[LAUGHS] You can never surprise me!

... Tthe important thing is
to not let that fear stop you.

I wouldn't even want to try.

- Hey, girl, I brought you your favorite snack!
- Oh, cheese!

Now open up. You got
to do it in one bite.

- It is that good.
- Oh.

- Uh-huh.
- Mmm! Mmm! Mm...

Wait. Is there a pill in here?

It's your prenatal
vitamin. It's the only way.

- I can't do it. No.
- Mm-hmm. Yes, you can.

- It's too big.
- Close your mouth. You got to swa...

- You got to... I'm gonna close your mouth.
- I can't do it.

Yeah, there we go. And I'm
gonna rub your throat, okay?

I'm not a dog.

I'm gonna rub your throat.
I'm gonna rub your throat.

[GULPS] I swallowed it.

That's a good girl!

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Want to go for a walk in the park later?
- Sure!