01x03 - Dude, That's a Dude, Dude

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on below deck...

- I find people attractive
that are outgoing and athletic.

- Did I hit it?
- You hit it.

- Yes.

- I'm living in a cabin
with another girl.

- Then you should be
[bleep] her.

- There is some tension
between us.

- And, like, I feel like
that bothers you.

- I feel like I'm stuck
in the middle between you two,

And I don't know
what to do about it.

- Knowing that sam
isn't reliable,

I need kat
right now.

Kat, check the door
one more time.

Kat, come with me.

There is something
on that mirror.

- She's having me do everything,
and I'm tired.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Morning, eddie.
- Morning, dave.

- Hello.

- This morning,
I got an email

From these guys
that are coming.

- Oh, jesus.

- "Hello honor crew,
we are five single guys

Who are looking to live it up
in a big way."

- [Laughs]
- "we want to play hard

During the day
and play even harder at night."

- Hell, yeah.
Five hot, single guys?

All aboard.

- "We definitely want
to hit some nightclubs

"And then have the party
roll back onto the boat.

I hope you're ready for us.
L."

- Who's l?
- Laurence.

- Laurence.

[Upbeat music]

- [Chuckling]

- Happy birthday, dave!

- Oh, [bleep].
Happy birthday, dave.

- [Laughs]
- happy birthday, buddy.

- Thanks, guys.
- How many?

- 26 Years young.

- It's my 26th birthday,
and I'm alone on a boat.

There's a hundred
other places

I could imagine
that I'd love to be.

- You talk to your man
on your birthday?

- On your birthday?

- Yeah, we met a couple weeks
prior to my birthday,

And we started dating
on my birthday.

- Random.

- Trevor and I started dating
two years ago today.

We met at a club,

And it was "love at first sight"
type of thing,

And it's been fireworks
ever since.

- So he lives in l.a. With you?
- Yeah.

- What does he do for work?
- Um, independent stuff.

He's in entertainment.
- Right on.

- What's going on
with the charter guests?

How you doing, adrienne?

- Well, I just put together--
here, read the first line.

- This guy, laurence,
he's vegan, organic.

He likes organic dark beer.
- [Laughs]

- Good luck finding that here
in the islands, by the way.

- [Laughs]
- and "like his coffee

Like his women, dark."
- Dark.

- So he's a vegan, womanizing,
chauvinistic prick.

[Laughter]

- Sounds like
my best [bleep] friend.

- Laurence, mike, kevin,
john, and mitch.

- Who dislikes cheese,
but butter is okay?

- Who dislikes
most seafood?

- What the hell's a greyhound?
- A dog.

- He likes greyhounds.
That's on his preference sheet.

- [Laughs]

- Are we supposed to get him
a dog?

- That would be so funny.
- We show up with a--

- Kevin,
we got you something here.

- A puppy.
[Laughter]

- Crew, we have one hour
until the guests arrive.

[Indistinct chatter]

- Found 'em.
- These are the ones I go with.

Mm-hmm.

- I've got gold ones
like that, but--

Whenever I have a chance
to just get some downtime

With cj,
I'll take it.

It's just really nice
and sort of comforting

To have him there,
and I feel like

I'd be really unhappy
if I didn't have cj on the boat.

- Ready to charm these guys'
pants off?

- I think,
in the last few days,

My feelings for sam are sort of
maturing a little bit,

So interested to see
where this goes.

- Let's do this.

- Come on, ladies,
we got work to do.

Where's your other half?

[Indistinct chatter]

- About to greet
the guests.

- How we doing, guys?
- Good, how you doing? I'm mike.

- Mike, captain lee.

- Captain lee,
very nice to meet you.

- Hi, captain,
I'm laurence.

- How you doing?
I'm mike.

- Eddie.
Nice to meet you.

- Bunch of guys
coming on.

Pretty much,
I've gathered

That what they want
to achieve is to score.

- How are you?
- Good. I'm mike.

- Adrienne.

- Adrienne,
very nice to meet you.

- These guys walk on board,

And it's like,
"hi, I'm so-and-so."

I'm like,
"hi, you're gay,"

And then it's like,
"hi, so-and-so."

"Hi, that's a fake tan."

"Hi, I'm so-and-so,"

"You're a lot shorter
than I thought."

I was looking for, like,
some really, like,

Physically hot guys,
and all I'm gettin' is a scam.

- This is our sky lounge.

This is where a lot of people
spend a lot of time.

- Can you imagine
if we get no women,

And there's just five guys
with all this?

- It would be
a travesty.

- We tried to meet girls
last night,

We got--just--
we got nothing.

We tried to recruit, you know,
to prepare for tonight.

- Well, now,
you're on this thing.

It's a little bit different...
- No, no, it wasn't our fault.

There was just nothing
to pick from.

There was nothing there.

- Hopefully, we'll have
better luck in st. Barts.

- Yeah, hopefully.
- [Giggles]

[Laughter]
- can you imagine?

- Could you imagine how much
more fun this would be

If we had
a whole grip of hot girls

And some rap music going
like a video?

- Is a "grip" the proper term
for a group of girls?

- A grip is, like,
I think, a lot.

- Okay.
- I think we should get

A grip of food
and then a grip of sun

And then a grip
of women.

- It's five guys.
They like to party.

They want
to party hard.

- Maybe they want to go out
to, like, the strip clubs.

- We've really got to watch
our girls 'cause--

You know what I mean?
- Yeah.

- If they don't get
any luck,

They might think
they can pull something,

But remember,
it's our responsibility

To make sure
they're safe.

- I'll straight shank a bitch,
bro.

- We have some good appetizers
and stuff coming up for you.

She's getting you a-an-a--
[laughs]

I was looking
at your cigar.

- Is that rude of me
to say that?

- I might be, but, yes,
that's [bleep] rude.

Can I borrow some of your
fake tanner for my fake tits?

[Laughs]

- John crop
in the house.

Damn, the adonis.

- John's my favorite
physically.

He's such a masculine,
like, man's man.

Frickin' burly,
like, hunky dude.

I'm single.
Like, I want to find somebody

On or off the boat
or anywhere,

But I'm not gonna act
on that probably.

You know,
we've got a swim platform

We can put down for you,
but it's gonna--

- sh**t first,
ask questions later.

- Okay, before you jump--
[laughter]

- Attention, all crew,
we have...

- That's awesome.

- A guest that just
jumped off the side bridge.

- Don't push me.
Did he just jump?

- Hasn't even been
an hour,

And already
their [bleep] airborne.

- Whoo-hoo!
[Laughter]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Upbeat music]

- Swim platform
is secure.

- All right,
looks like

It's our turn
to get through the bridge here.

- It's not as easy going in
because you can't get lined up,

- Yeah.

- So I have to stick
my nose up there,

Kick the stern around,

Get my mark,
and then go through.

- Lee's always nervous
when he drives the boat

Through the bridge.

The boat's got 7 feet
on each side

Coming into the bridge.

You know, you have
a multimillion-dollar machine,

And you have a concrete dock
and bridge on the other side.

If something goes wrong,

If you lose a motor,
if you lose a rudder,

You can get sideways,
you'll cost

Hundreds of thousands of dollars
worth of damage.

- I still don't know
how he's going through here.

I really don't.
[Chuckles]

- You don't think
he's gonna make it?

- No.
- [Laughs]

- You wouldn't
take it through?

- I am [bleep] terrified
for him.

[Chuckles]
that's tight.

- Oh, my god,
look how narrow that is.

- That's, like--
how do they get through that?

- There are two boats
sneaking in.

- God damn it!
- What's going on?

- Backing out.

- [Bleep] idiot.
[Bleep] charter--

- Son of a bitch!

Anybody get the name
of that moron in the sea ray?

I want a piece of his ass.
That was scary.

- 10 Meters port side.
- Got it.

- Fore corner clear.
- Copy that, thank you.

I'd like
to find that boy

And just pound him
till he can't see.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[Indistinct chatter]

- This is nice.
- Yeah, this is just--

The weather and the air
just feels so good.

- There's nothing wrong in
the world right now, is there?

- Yeah, you know what,
I completely forgot

That I own a vitamin company
and that i, like,

Don't have love in my life...
[Laughter]

And I have a dog that's,
like, [bleep] everywhere.

- Oh, [bleep],
I have three kids.

[Laughter]
- oh, [bleep].

- I have no idea
how many kids I have.

I was a sperm donor.

All I have to do
is contact the place,

And they'll tell me
if I have kids.

- Wait, wait a second.

You were a sperm donor


- It was actually
the best job I ever had.

If you think about it.
- Jerking off?

- Yeah, think about
what a great job that is.

[Laughter]
you show up.

You're a broke college kid.
You got no money.

They've got p*rn ready.
[Laughter]

You blast,
and you get a paycheck.

The only reason
I lost my job was i--

- How do you lose your job
at that, seriously?

- I'll tell you how,
low sperm count.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

- Really?
- Thank you very much.

- Yeah.
- You're welcome.

- How much did you get paid
per load?

- It was 40 bucks
a sh*t.

- That's probably


- $40 To provide
your sperm?

- 20 Years ago.
That's 80 bucks now.

- That's a lot of cash.

- We're gonna call you
"double sh*t."

- All these guys
want to talk about is sperm.

Well, they came
to the right place.

Now, they can
consider themselves seamen.

- I went in, and
for the first time of my life,

I tried to do it just dry.
[Laughter]

- And I was in there for,
like, 10 or 15 minutes,

And I absolutely couldn't do it.
They let me go.

- You got fired
as a sperm donor.

- Yeah.
[Laughs]

[Skype alert]

- Trevor?

- Yeah.
- What can I do you for?

- I was wondering if you knew
where my man was.

[Knocking at the door]
- [whispering] hey.

Birthday boy, you have a call
from your man lover on skype.

- While in the marines,
I was stationed in west africa.

We didn't always have
the best communication,

And so I went
through long periods of time

Where I didn't have anyone
to talk to, friends or family,

So I'm used to it, but it
doesn't make it any easier.

Hello?

- [Blows horn]
[laughter]

Happy birthday.

- All right,
I'll leave you guys to it.

- Thank you.

Look at all this.
[Laughs]

- Can you make a wish?
- Yes.

- [Blows out candles]
[laughter]

So we're done
with the birthday, right?

- Not quite,
it's not midnight yet.

- And then we got--
- [laughs]

- Oh, and roses.

- Two years of hard days
and good days

And sad days
and happy days.

I don't want to be away from you
for one more day ever,

And I wanted to know
if you would be my man?

- [Laughs]

- You're insane,
of course.

[Laughter]

- Did I just get engaged?

I think I just said yes.
I don't know.

"Of course,"
I said, "of course."

"Yes," you say "yes."
You don't say, "of course."

He's gonna k*ll me.

- [Gasps] shut up!
- [Laughs]

- You proposed?

Oh, my gosh.

Dave!

They're just smitten
for each other,

And it makes me sad
that my own relationships

Are so not that.

- I love you, angel.

- Sweet dreams.
- Good night.

There's a strip club
called platinum.

- Yes!

- Something's just not right
about her.

- You're supposed to be
our leader,

And then you go to bed
for half the day

When I was the one up
till 5:30?

And all you're gonna do
is sit here

And justify it.

I'm pissed off,

And I'm gonna continue
to be pissed off.

- Come here, buddy.

Bring it here.
Real thing, man.

- [Laughs]
- congratulations, dude.

Congratulations, man.

- Thanks, man.
You deserve it.

Dave is a really happy guy,
and he's a lucky guy,

And dave's boyfriend
is a lucky guy

To have somebody
like dave.

I mean, they're perfect
together, it's great.

- You must be
on cloud nine, dude.

- I know.
- That's awesome.

- I got it.

- Cool.

- [Blows]
- they are slowly coming up,

So I'll let you know
when they're all up.

- [Laughs]
hold on.

[Blows]

Too small.

You just tell me
when they're ready, baby.

- All right,
so where are we going tonight?

- We should probably
get some help.

- Do you think eddie and david
could show us around tonight?

- Um, yeah.

Damn it!
Why can't I take them out?

- Ed, dave,
ed, dave, sam?

- Dave and eddie are gonna suck
at helping them pick up girls.

If they were smart, they'd bring
another good-looking girl

Out with them
to flirt with them at the bar,

So the other girls
would get jealous

And then come home
with them.

- All right, here we go.
What do we got tonight?

- How's it going, gentlemen?

- What's going on?
- All right.

- He's coming out with us?
- Yeah.

- I'm a deckhand,
but I'm happy to go out.

It's whatever
the guests want.

- Where are we gonna go?
- Where we going?

- Well--
- we're looking for hot women.

- Hot women.
- Bliss.

- Bliss?

Bliss or tantra could be good.
- Tantra would be good.

But there's a strip club
called platinum,

Which probably would be
the easiest, but--

- Yes!

- I don't know
if that's the type of women--

- Might not be the kind of girls
that you're looking for.

- I threw it out there.
"Let's go to a strip club."

These guys bit.

I was joking.
What am I gonna do?

I don't want to hang out
with a bunch of straight guys

At a strip club.
I'm gonna be bored.

- We'll figure out
the best thing,

And we'll make it great.
I promise that.

- Awesome.
- Thank you, guys.

- There it is.
- You're awesome.

- This is not gonna, like,
be disastrous

By any means,
is it?

- If it's there--
- if it's there,

We're gonna k*ll it.
[Laughs]

- I'm gonna party!

- Bye.
- Genius.

- We'll be back
in about two minutes.

- Have fun.
- See ya.

- Bye.

- Like, why do we have
a bunch of good-looking guys

And no good-looking girls?
That doesn't make any sense.

It's supposed to be
the opposite.

- We go out to the strip club
to pick up girls,

And it's not
really difficult

To pick up girls
at a strip club.

- You know, strip clubs
are supposed to be a fun place,

Full of, you know, imagination,
and, you know,

I start to veer off,
thinking about trevor,

And then I open my eyes,
and boobs!

- That's dave.

It's was kind of
uncomfortable, you know?

Girls are coming up
to dave and I

Instead of
the charter guests

'Cause, you know, we're younger
and maybe better-looking...

- My name's violet.
- Violet?

- Especially dave.

- The--
in the black and white dress.

- It was a little uncomfortable
at times, but, I mean,

Also at the same time,
it was a lot of fun, you know,

Kind of standing up there,
you know, just, like,

Pointing at girls,
like...

[Deep voice]
"you, come on up here.

Get yo' ass up here, girl.
Yeah, over there."

You know, it was--
I did feel quite, uh,

Pimp-ish.
[Laughs]

- They had the worst lines
ever, like,

"Do you guys want to come back
to our boat?"

I'm like, "you sound
like a r*pist, dude."

Like, "hey, pretty lady,
you want to see my boat?

It's huge."

- Ooh, look at that.
Nice arse.

- [Chuckles]

Noted.
- I'm telling you.

- All right, man.

[Club music]

- You don't find
worthwhile women at strip clubs.

Go to a farmers' market,
go to church,

Or go to yoga.

- What are
you gonna do, brother?

What are you gonna do,
brother?

- Which one
do you like?

Not laurence.
Not mitch, he has kids.

- Yeah, [bleep] that.

- So you like john?
- Yeah.

That's my dad's name.

Is that weird?

- Shut up.
- I swear.

- Your dad's name is john?
- Yup.

- [Laughs]
- I dated some--

- You guys are acting
like that's so weird.

John's, like,
the most common name

In the [bleep] world.
[Laughter]

- Cj and sam,
I'm completely jealous of,

And of course
they're gonna be hooking up.

I mean,
that's what the whole point

Of sharing a room
with the opposite sex is.

You work together,
you live together,

You eat together,
you dine together,

You have sex together.

- Dude, that guy's
frickin' yoked.

- What does "yoked" mean?
- Like, just massive.

- Yeah, no kidding.
It's so hot.

- The guy she likes is john.
- He's so hot.

I'm gonna dress up
and go hide in his room

And wait for him. [Laughs]
- who?

- John.
[Both laugh]

- Are we gonna have
a little catfight over john?

- Just spread the love,
you know? Spread it all around.

- Spread it all around.
- [Laughs]

- What's your usual type?

- John.

Cj's totally jealous
that I have a big crush on john

Because cj had
no competition until now.

Good night.

- Good night,
sweetie.

- Bliss was really dead
when we got there.

I think guys outnumbered girls
about three or four to one.

These guys are striking
out left and right,

But laurence seemed
to make a connection.

[Dance music]

Something's just
not right about her.

♪♪ ♪♪

- Dave, eddie,
come in.

- Go for dave
and eddie.

- What's the progress there?
Where are you at?

- We're just pulling up
to the tender now.

- Any extra guests?

- Correct.
Two extra guests.

- Roger.
Of the male or female species?

- Um...female.
- [Chuckles]

- They're gonna be bombed.

- At least we got something
to keep us occupied now.

- Whoo.
- Oh.

- I did
a little side step.

- Hi. Ladies,
there's no shoes on the boat,

Just so you know,
okay?

- How are you?
- Good. How are you?

- Buzzed. We're all wasted.
- Oh, that's awesome.

- It is awesome.

[Indistinct whispering]

- Hello.
- [Laughs] hello.

- What's that?

You want some ice?

Yeah, just a cup
with ice?

Yeah.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

It's obvious to me, within
a three-second look, that,

Dude,
that's a dude, bro.

- I'm so sensitive.

I actually--
I brought them to the table,

And I was gonna give
the girl from brazil a sh*t,

But then,
when I was seducing her,

I thought
she was under my powers,

And then she,
like, ki--

She blew a kiss to some guy
right next to me.

I'm like, "I'm done."
I'm like--i'm so experienced...

- Where did
you meet her?

- I'm such
an advanced player

That I immediately just got up
and ignored her.

Just straight talk to the cheek.
Just put her on ignore mode.

- "See you later."
- Yeah.

Let john handle that.
- Have a nice day.

- Yeah, "john, scoop that up."
- Okay.

- One man's trash
is another man's treasure.

- And then what about
the french-speaking girl?

- That's her lesbian girlfriend
I think.

I don't think
anyone's getting anything.

- Well, let's find out.

- I don't want to be the one
to tell you this,

But I'm pretty sure that tall,
skinny one's a dude, dude.

- Look at john.
Is that gonna be a threesome?

- Things went
from bad to worse.

- [Speaking portuguese]

[Moaning]

- [Gasps]

- [Speaking portuguese]

- Naked in here.
- Me?

- Both of you
and me.

- Hey, dude, that's a dude.
- That's a dude.

- That's a dude.
- That's a dude.

- You guys
really think so?

- Can I have five glasses
of bottled water?

- Yes.
- Here, I got it.

- No, I think
they're over here.

- Oh, they are
over there.

- Are you a model?
You could be.

- When you look
at her--

Okay, so it's adam's apple,

And it's
her facial structure.

- I know the facial structure.
- She's a skinny man.

- Tub needs
to at least be 104 degrees.

- I think the tub is hot now.
- You do?

- I can see her adam's apple
from across the deck.

They can't not know, right?

- I've gotten hit
by more broccoli tonight

Than I have
in my entire life.

- Look at john.
Is that gonna be a threesome?

- I don't want to be the one
to tell you this,

But I'm pretty sure that tall,
skinny one's a dude, dude.

- I'm not sure.

I mean, are you guys sure
that's a man?

- Pretty sure.

- [Laughing] like, dude,
that is a dude, bro.

- Did she have an adam's apple?
Did you guys check?

- It was prominent enough
to notice.

- Oh, boy.

- She's either
the hottest model in brazil,

Or she's a man, man.
- [Laughs]

- He's in for a big surprise,
I think.

- No, no, I got to be honest,
things went from bad to worse.

[Laughter]

- What are you doing?

- Shh.

- They've disappeared
into his cabin...

Together.

- [Speaking portuguese]
- [giggling]

- Mm.
- Beautiful.

[Kissing and moaning]

- Sam has
a huge crush on john.

Let's just say
I'm excited to tell her this.

I think
that the charter guests

Were really happy
with the night.

They had endless cocktails,
endless sh*ts,

Women that don't
speak english,

Men dressed as women,
you know?

Where can you go wrong?

We've got a little bit
of everything there.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Um, yeah,
but this ho...

- Unlike any other ho?
- Was a dude, dude.

- [Laughing]
shut the [bleep] up.

- I'm not even joking.

- He brought home a dude?

- Yeah,
but it gets worse, babe.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere,
I'm realizing

That this chick's
a dude.

John and the she-man
and the other chick

Disappear off the sun deck,

And they start
walking downstairs.

- What the [bleep]?

The one guy
that I liked

Had to go and...

Lead a [bleep]
to his stateroom. I just--

He was just drunk.

He had a lapse in judgment,
all right?

- Hey, bro,
I was there.

- All right, so--
- I don't know what to tell you.

Sorry, I like to usually
wake you up with, like,

Caressing your back...
- What time is it?

- And whispering
sweet nothings.

- Cj's lying.
That's what it is.

Cj is trying
to make john look bad

So that he looks better.

- Life is easy, sam.
You're only 24 years old.

- That sometimes the dude that
you're into is into dudes, dude.

[Laughter]

- [Bleep], man.

- I haven't--
no one's seen him.

Maybe he's in an std clinic.

Does anyone know
if he got any action?

- I don't want
to know.

- [Sighs]
- wave runner?

- I just--it just feels so good
just touching my greasy body

Like this, though,
with this perfect breeze.

Wait, no.
Come back.

- Is there any way
that you can, um, get up?

- Okay, thank you.

- Oh, thanks.
- [Chuckles]

Sam just told me.

Stoked.
- I am stoked.

- Yeah, I know.
- Another one bites the dust.

- So how long
have you known this guy?

- We met
two years ago.

He was the assistant director
for one of my first movies,

A little vampire movie
that I did.

- Oh, cool.
- What does he do now?

- How he makes
our income is,

Like,
in the adult entertainment.

He's actually been doing p*rn
for about eight years.

He's the one
that actually--

The sex is fantastic.
[Chuckles]

- Holy [bleep].

- [Chuckles]
you like that, aleks?

- Girls, come on.

- And I know
it sounds weird, I mean,

But I don't really
have hang-ups.

I was in the industry
for a very brief time

When I was really hard up,
waiting tables.

Um--
[laughter]

- You were really hard up?
- Bad verbiage I suppose.

- It's hard to reconcile
because dave

Is such a proper,
you know, conservative,

Like, you know,
sticks to his ways.

He's a marine
for christ's sake, you know?

And then saying,
"oh, yeah, I did gay p*rn,"

Like, out of nowhere.

I'm like,
"what, you did p*rn?"

- Well, it's not something
I'm proud of,

And it's not something
I like to dwell on.

I live
without regrets.

You know, I met trevor
because of it.

I wouldn't be here
with you guys had I not

Ever gone
into the industry,

So it's a very bittersweet type
of thing.

- Well, I'm really happy
for you, dave.

- Yeah, I'm happy
for you too, dave.

- Thanks, guys.
- It's all gonna work out.

- [Laughs]
- all right.

- Good talk,
captain america.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- Hey, john.
- John.

- What happened last night?

- [Chuckles]
- what happened, john?

- I ended up
being a baby-sitter.

- That's good, though,
that you tried anyway.

- No, I just--
I just was tired, I was like--

I ended up being a gentleman
and said, "get on the boat,

I got to go to bed."

- I actually thought
she was beautiful,

And I asked her
to the table,

And I was, like,
caught up

In the romance
of the whole thing.

- Really?

- I think we're making
a lot of assumptions

By saying "she."

- I was in.
- So you were attracted to her?

- This guy really needs
to stop talking.

- When she asked me
what my name was,

I said, "I'm skip foreplay."
[Laughter]

- Yeah.

- Based on what I understand
about these guys thus far,

I don't think we need to put
the comforters on the beds.

Just make them nap-ready.
- Okay.

- That way, if they want
to lay down later,

They don't have to worry
about moving all that stuff.

Yeah I did.
I had a little something.

- Are you okay?
You're not feeling well?

- Thank you.

No, I just didn't get
any sleep last night.

- Oh.

- I'm just gonna crash
for a few minutes,

And hopefully,
that will energize me for later.

- Okay.
- Mm-kay.

- I went to bed
at 5:30,

And she wakes me up
to come work,

So she can go
to bed.

- Sorry.
- Pardon me.

- The boat
is not clean,

And there's tons
of work to do,

But she's the superior,

So she gets
to take her nap.

- Excellent.
Time to play.

- We good?
- All right.

Let's go
have some fun.

[Upbeat rock music]

- Next.
- Got it.

- Whoo!

♪♪ ♪♪

- Hey, sam?
- Yeah.

- Would you mind checking
on them quickly?

- Sure.

♪♪ ♪♪

- Who's sleeping?
- Adrienne.

Adrienne's laying down
to take a nap.

She's totally abusing me

To take over
her responsibilities,

And she's clearly showing
that she sucks at her position.

[Laughs]
can I get you another water?

- Don't you think that,
had tasks

Been better delegated,
it would have run better?

- I just like things
to go smoothly,

And, like, I was
running around sweating

With my head
cut off, and--

- Unnecessary cleaning.

Like, I vacuumed
all day yesterday,

And nobody was here all day,
and it still took me an hour.

- Yeah.

Well, it doesn't take me an hour
to vacuum the boat.

I just have
to say that.

I'm doing
a three-person job.

Sam is just--

I mean, I'm picking up
the slack for sam.

[Dramatic music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- She's fine, she's just pissed
that you were asleep.

- Oh.
- She's tired.

And she didn't--she thought
that it was hypocritical

That you were sleeping, and when
we haven't been allowed to--

- My intention is
to let her sleep later

Knowing that they're gonna be
gone for dinner.

So she didn't
know that.

- Well, save it
for when she's pinned

In a corner somewhere,
I guess.

I don't know.

- You're supposed
to be our leader?

And then you go to bed
for half the day

When I was the one
up till 5:30?

And all you're gonna do
is sit here and justify it.

- I, first of all,
don't need

To explain myself
to any of them.

You know,
who do you think you are?

- Well, can you tell me
why everything is left a mess

For me
to clean up?

No?
- I--

- If you can't,
then just say it.

Own up to it.

- I'm not appreciating your tone
right now.

- Okay, my apologies.

- I'm asking to have
a calm conversation.

- [Imitating]
until you can talk to me

In a clear, calm, voice,

We're not gonna have
this conversation.

Oh, I'm sorry, angel.
Please.

Can't even deal.

I'll just continue
to clean up like you said.

I'm pissed off, and I'm gonna
continue to be pissed off.

Sorry I bothered you
with an issue.

- Obviously,
she's pissed off at me,

But I cannot lose her,
or I'm screwed.

[Bird caws]

- I'm, like,
so stressed out.

Past two days,
I've done service.

I've done turndowns.

How long do I have
to carry us for?

- I'm late.
- What happened last night?

[Upbeat music]

- What,
is that chicken soup?

- This is lentil.
- Oh, mmm.

- It's mental lentil soup.
[Chuckling]

- Is that english for mental?
- Yeah.

- Oh!
[Laughs] say it again.

"Met-ill"?
- "Ment-ohl."

[Laughter]

It's mental lentil.
[Laughter]

- How would you say metal then?
- Huh?

- How would you
say metal lentil?

- "Met-ohl."
- What's--

- "Met-ohl lent-ohl."
- It's the same thing, right?

- No.
- Right?

What's the difference?

- It's the same word.
- Come on.

- That's the same thing.
- Mental.

Like, "ment-ohl," "ment-ohl."
[Chuckles]

- "Ment-ohl" soup.

- It's mental lentil.
- [Chuckles]

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- All members of crew,
all members of crew

To the aft deck.

- I liked it.
Thanks, man.

- Is it all ending?

- It appears to be.
- Sure.

- I don't want to go back
to my normal life.

- No, seriously, everything,


Thank you very, very much.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.
- Very appreciated.

- Good work, guys.

You guys totally exceeded
our expectations.

- Yeah, 100% exceeded.

- I did everything
I possibly could

To make their charter
completely exceptional...

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

They earned every dollar.
Professional but fun, you know?

- Except for the [bleep].
That was not my fault.

- Thanks again.
- Bye.

- I don't want to go!
- Thank you.

All: bye.

- Okay, guys.

Change clothes,
and let's flip it, okay?

- How do you feel about,
perhaps,

Us getting wet just for
a millisecond before we flip?

- Come on, bust into action.
- Just, like, a half a minute?

- Probably not gonna work.
- Damn.

Worth a sh*t, right?

- It was worth a sh*t.
- All right.

Let's do this.

[Upbeat music]

- Cuor di leone,
I just wanted you to be advised

That we will be coming
into our home slip.

We've got seven minutes
till the bridge opens.

- Well, there's about ten of us
going in.

- Guys, let's get ready.

We got the opening.
Let me know when I've cleared.

- 10 Meters,
port side.

- All right, I want
radio silence from here on

Till we get
to the dock, please.

Bow is now clearing
the last green channel marker

On the port side.

- Thank you.

[Upbeat music]

- Aleks, aleks.
Kat.

- Go ahead,
my love.

- Calling to have a minute
to chat quickly.

- Where would you like
to meet?

- I'm, like,
so stressed out.

Past two days,
I've done service.

I've done turndowns,
and I've been stuck

In the laundry room.

How long do I have
to carry us for, you know?

It's not my job
to tell sam what to do.

- Mm-hmm.

Sam's not holding
her weight, obviously.

- I've had a lot of stress
working on yachts,

But this has been
the extreme for me.

I can't talk
to adrienne

Because she just,
like, just doesn't get it.

Like, how do
you tell your superior

That she's not doing
what she's supposed to do?

- I understand that,
but that's the way it is.

It's a cutthroat business.
There's a lot of pressure.

You know,
we turned around.

We did a great trip
that one trip

And then provisioning,
and we didn't even get to think.

We all busted
our asses.

I busted my toe.
[Laughs]

- I know.
[Laughter]

- I feel for her.

I see her running up and down,
doing service

And doing laundry,
you know, picking up the slack.

Something has
to change,

Or, you know,
it's gonna backfire.

Talk to me again
if you need to after the trip,

And, if anything,
we'll get it resolved

Because it's bull[bleep],
okay?

- Thank you.

- All right!

- All crew,
all crew.

All crew, meet me down
in the crew galley.

- I think we've got charters
coming tomorrow or something.

[Laughter]

- Are there any 50s
in that stack?

- It's been
a long day.

- It's 6 grand
or something like that.

- I'm feeling
very, very optimistic.

- I want to get off
and have a couple of drinks.

Hell, I've been on the boat
for three days.

You know,
go have some fun.

[Dramatic music]

- 650 Is the cut
for everybody

In case you're all dying
in eager anticipation.

- Should've gotten
in that hot tub.

[Laughter]

- It was
a [bleep] tip.

We put in all this work
to these guys,

And then
we get a 9% tip.

$1,300 Would have been 20%.

- So how did you guys
think the charter went,

Just out of curiosity?

- The tip came out,
and I felt bummed about it.

I really did.

I feel
a little underappreciated

Through the tip.

I really liked the charter guys,
but 650?

I really expected more
from them.

- You've got
to shine a little light

At the end of that tunnel there,
lee, you know?

Like, if you were
to tell me,

"Sam, you can jump
in the ocean

As soon as you're done
ironing those sheets,"

I guarantee you
they'd get done twice as fast.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- If you guys want
to take a swim after we're done,

I don't care.

- What about a cold beer
after we're done?

- You can have a cold beer
as well.

- All right,
I'm getting my stuff done!

- Whoo!
[Laughter]

- We work really hard,
you know?

It's--we take
our job seriously,

But when it's time

To have fun
and party,

We know
how to get it done.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- All right, let's clean.
Let's get--

- Dude, I'm not [bleep]
cleaning the bathrooms...

- I'll clean.

- To clean them two days
from now.

- Yeah, I know,
that is stupid.

I'll do, like, a swish
with a brush.

- Why can't
she just let us not work?

- I need you
to be working right now.

You're not.
- We're about to be.

- Get up,
and get some stuff done.

- We have! I've been
[bleep] working all day.

- I understand.
We're not done yet.

- I know, but [bleep].

- Please stop arguing
with me.

- I want
to very, very badly,

Shove the pitchfork
up adrienne's ass.

- This is
a demonic room!

[Screams]

- [Laughs]
shh, shh, shh.

- We work 15 hours
a day.

We're stuck
on this boat.

Can she at least put herself
in my shoes

For two seconds
of her life?

Like, why does she tell us
to work, work, work, work, work,

But she doesn't
[bleep] do anything?

- Are both you guys in there?
- Yep.

- It's done aside
from vacuuming,

And I already did
the other head.

So--
- and we just did this one.

- She's going to check my work
right now.

- I don't want
to clean.

- I have cleaned
my fair share of toilets

And ironed my fair share
of sheets,

And screw
both of them.

- Ugh.
- Sam!

Will you come here please?

- Yes, can I finish folding
the towel in my hand?

- No, come here now.

- Oh, my god.

- Come here.
- I'm coming.

- Tell me you cleaned
this entire bathroom,

And you still
left that.

- Well, I guess so.
Yeah.

- Okay, that is
what I was talking about.

There's still spots
on the mirrors.

You're telling me you detailed
this bathroom completely,

And that's still there.

- Yep.
That's what I'm telling you.

- Okay.
That's what I'm talking about.

- Great.

You know, when you come
down here to inspect,

You could just bring a rag
and knock it out.

Once again, like, figure out
how to lead by example.

You're making a complete ass
out of yourself right now.

You don't ever pick up a rag
yourself, adrienne.

Well, it seems to be right
at this moment, now doesn't it?

- I'm asking you to do this,
so you learn.

That's what you're here
to do.

- Yeah, well, I'm not really
here to learn, actually.

I'm just here
to have fun,

But that's clearly
not happening, so--

All right, so--
- thank you.

I'll come back down
and check it in a few minutes.

I'll bring you
a vacuum.

- [Bleep] crazy bitch.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- We finished
cleaning the boat,

And, now,
I just needed to, like,

Unwind and recharge,
and jumping

In the ocean
is what does it for me.

- Go.

- Ow!
I landed on my ass.

- [Laughs]
- holy [bleep], that hurts.

- All right,
I'm gonna get ready.

- You're officially wearing
the label.

- Oh, my god,
it's see-through.

[Upbeat music]

- It's time off,
time to drink.

- My god,
look at all the fish!

[Club music]

- ♪♪ Oh ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

- I'm ready
to just keep drinking.

♪♪ ♪♪

- Cj is very attentive,
and when we go out,

It's kind of, like,
super flirty,

Like, mutual thing, where
we both kind of like each other.

- I mean, basically,
we've been flirting like crazy

For weeks now.

It's either
gonna happen tonight,

Or it's not
gonna happen tonight,

And if I was
a gambling man,

I'm gonna say
it's gonna happen tonight.

- ♪♪ We gonna touch the sky ♪♪

♪♪ We gonna touch the sky
put your hands up ♪♪

- It's really hot
in here, again.

I don't know if it's just
'cause we're talking

About cj or not.

[Upbeat music]

- Adrienne, I just got
the itinerary.

You around?
- [Chuckles]

- Come with me.
- Seriously.

- You don't mind tap water?
- Hey!

- Hey, how are you doing?
Sit down.

You don't mind tap water.
- What's going on?

- You don't mind tap water.
Sit down.

- It's very important
to sit down

And go over the itinerary,
go over their preference sheets.

- Dinner on yacht.
That means this yacht.

[Laughter]

- The only problem is
they come in the day

Before our charter guests
show up

When we usually go out
to dinner, have drinks,

And we're not all
in good shape.

- Massages on the deck...
- For me?

- For those
who don't go fishing.

- You going fishing?

No, you're not.
You get a massage.

- I get a massage!
- Well done.

We are doing some adventure
activity that involves sailing.

Are you sailing?
- I don't know.

- You're not.
You get another massage.

[Laughter]

Do you cook?
- Do not cook.

- You get
another massage!

[Laughter]

Thank you.

[Upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[Kissing and moaning]

[Tense music]

♪♪ ♪♪

[Indistinct radio chatter]

- I'm late.

- I can't help but think,
"what happened last night?"

I just feel like I've been hit
by a bus full of vodka,

And it's made me do
bad things.

I don't know
how to handle it.

- Next time
on below deck...

- Simon is a previous charter
client of mine.

- Adrienne has friends?
What?

- Hey, you.
- Hi, addie.

- Did there used to be something
with them?

- Whether boundaries
will be crossed, I don't know.

[Horn blows]

- Somebody remove this part
of the ship for me.

It's blocking my sun.
[Giggles]

- It's like white trash
rich people.

- My sake is now hot.

- Are you kidding me?

- Kat wants to go
to the bar.

Take it back around.

- I'm concerned
that she's gonna lose her job,

And I guess that's
what's gonna have to happen.