01x11 - Dissin' Cousins

[bunniefuu]

Okay, she's almost here.

Which ones, these or these?

Rae, you always
freak out every time

your cousin Andrea
comes in from Europe.

Girl, I am fine.

I just need to know
what hat says, you know

"thanks for coming, but you
need to go back to Paris."

Rae, she's only going to
be here for a little while.

Okay, I understand
that, but does this belt say

"just because we're relatives

doesn't mean I
have to like you?"

Okay, where's Andrea?

Is my little French
pastry here yet?

No.

Why do you like her so much?

She is such a snob.

Because she's not like the
other girls around here, Rae.

I mean, she's lived in
Rome, London, Paris...

And she's turned me down
in four different languages.

"Nein," "nyet," "non"

and the ever-popular
"ain't gonna happen."

You know what?

She is phony.

I can't stand that about her.

Look who's here.

Oh, ravey!

Oh, Andrea, my girl!

What is going on?

Smooches.

And listen, it's "an-drea" now.

I changed it when
we moved to "pa-ree."

We live right near
the Eiffel Tower.

That's the tall, pointy thing

you might've seen in magazines.

Ooh, girl, how I will
miss that sense of humor

when you go back.

When is that exactly?

In a week, but until then

we're going to have
a nice family visit

unlike the last time

when the gum
was put in the hair.

After the doll was
put in the toilet.

She started it. She started it.

So, um, Andrea
Andrea, you remember

Eddie and Chelsea?

So, Chelsea

Corey tells me
you two are dating.

What?

We got to share our
love, baby. Share it.

Well, I'm going to
go freshen up now.

You know how tiring those
long international flights can be.

Oh, right.

You don't.

See you, ravey.

Oh... bye, girl.

See you soon.

"Oh, see you, ravey."

"Pa-ree."

Oh, she gets on my nerves.

Everything is so
perfect with her.

Perfect life, perfect
hair, perfect shoes.

And then she comes into my life

interrupts everything,
and, you know...

kisses Eddie?

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

♪ That's so Raven ♪
♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪
♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

You actually had a vision
of Eddie kissing Andrea?

Really? Don't you
toy with me, woman.

Eddie, how could you kiss her?

I mean, you know
how I feel about her.

I didn't do anything.

Yeah, but you're going to.

Not if you don't
want me to, rammie.

Come on, you know
that we're friends.

You know, if you
want her out of your life

this kiss might not
be such a bad thing

'cause if she's busy
with Eddie all week

she won't be around to bug you.

What kind of friend would I be

if I did that to Eddie?

A good friend.

A best friend.

So when do I kiss her?

I don't know when, but I know

you guys were standing here.

Over there? Right there.

Right here? Right there.

Right here? Eddie, right there.

Okay.

What you doing with your face?

Oh, this is my kissing face.

Watch up, now.

That explains so much.

Sure does. Really...

here I am, all.

Miss me?

I know I did.

Well, um, you know, Andrea

our-our friend Eddie here...

he made the basketball
team this year.

Oh, you know, he's
also such a good rapper.

Oh, my goodness, look!

These marks are still

here, ravey.

Remember when your
dad used to measure us?

You'd get so angry

that I was always just
a little bit taller than you.

I don't remember that.

So...

So, isn't your dad a
colonel in the army?

Yes, and we get to
travel all over the world

and meet lots of
fascinating people, but

once a year I take a break
from all that excitement and...

Visit Raven.

Well, actually, since
you moved to Paris

it's rah-ven.

You're saying cousin
Andrea can sleep in my room?

You did not tell me I
had to sleep on the couch.

Oh, come on, Corey.

Think of it as an adventure.

It'll be fun.

Down here all by yourself.

But whatever you do,
don't open the coat closet

'cause you never know
what might be hiding in there.

Ooh!

What is hiding in there?

No way... No way.

Corey!

It was a joke.

"Don't open the coat closet"?

It was a joke.

Okay, now, when
Andrea comes downstairs

I'm going to say

that I can't do
anything after school

because I'm busy.

That is where you come in.

Then I kiss her?

No, Eddie.

Then you ask her to do
something after school.

Right, right.

Then I kiss her?

No, Eddie.

Then you take her
out, get to know her

make her laugh.

Then you kiss her.

Yeah.

Bonjour, mes amis.

Oh, hi.

I just dropped by

to see if Raven wanted
to walk to school.

Oh, Eddie.

I would love to,
but if you're thinking

about doing
anything after school

I can't 'cause you
know I'm busy.

Oh, please.

You don't have to
tell me about busy.

I'm head of the honor society

and still have time
to edit the yearbook.

Very interesting.

Uh, well, you know

I barely have time
to read the yearbook

because, you know

I'm head of the volleyball team

and head of, you
know, the cheerleaders...

Society.

Cheerleaders society?

Yes.

It's new.

We, you know... We-we do...

We cheerlead for the elderly.

It raises their spirits.

We go, like, uh,
uh go... old people!

Don't mess with me.

You know, ravey, since
you're so busy later

maybe I'll just go to
school with you right now.

So, there I was just walking
down the champs elysées.

When this photographer...

He walks up to me, and he says

"aren't you Tyra banks?"

All right. Yeah, man.

Oh, man.

Look at her.

She been like that all day.

And everybody
thinks she's so cool

'cause, you know, she eats
in Europe, shops in Europe

goes to school in
Europe, drinks in Europe...

Okay, we got it, Rae.

Europe thing... not good.

This has been the
worst day I've ever had.

I'm having the best day ever.

Girl, me, too.

Hey, ravey, why
don't you introduce me

to your cheerleading squad?

You're the captain.

Well, let's go meet us
some girls. Come on.

Hey, squad.

What's going on? I
made up a new cheer.

Okay, diamond position, girls.

Two, four, six, eight.

That is the way
we like to... Count.

All right, Angie, work on that.

April, you need some help. Okay.

So, um, where's Eddie?

Because, you know

after school I got a
million other things to do.

Oh, bonjour, guys.

How's it going?

Bonjour.

Oh, American boys are so cute.

If only I didn't have Jean Paul
waiting for me back in Paris.

Oh, he misses me so much.

You know how
boyfriends are, ravey?

Oh, um, I'm sorry, you don't.

Well, actually, I do
know how boyfriends are.

Yeah, she does.

Y-Ye... Y-yeah,
'cause I have one.

Yeah, she does.

He makes your Jean Paul

look like French toast.

French toast!

'Cause he is charming,
cute, and there for me.

And he is... Eddie.

Eddie?

Bon jovi, y'all.

Oh, boyfriend, you
say the cutest things.

Come on, boo.

Who's boo?

Boo you.

Okay, okay, I know I shouldn't
have said we were going out

but she made me so mad.

Can't you just be my
boyfriend for one week?

What's the big deal?

Because in a week,
Andrea will be gone.

You had a vision.

Now, I had that same vision.

I want that kiss.

You promised me that kiss.

Okay, Eddie, I just
can't back down now.

She will never
let me live it down.

But I'm a man.

I have feelings.

I need to be held, Rae.

Okay, Eddie, don't make
me come over there, and...

Give you the biggest hug
my Eddie bear has ever had!

What?! She's there, isn't she?

Oh, I miss you too, pookie.

Okay, now, Rae, that's it.

I'm drawing the
line at "pookie."

Um, do you think Eddie would want to
come over for dinner tomorrow night?

Mmm... I'd love to, I'd love to

I'd love to, I'd love to...!

You know, he says
he's kind of busy.

Let me talk to him.

Eddie?

Eddie, it's Andrea.

Listen, I insist you
join us for dinner to...

I'd love to!

Well, well, seems he just can't

say no to me.

And as a special
treat I'll cook dinner.

Oh, that won't be necessary
because I'm an excellent cook

and no one cooks
for my man but me.

Good night.

Sofa bed?

As long as you don't
open the coat closet.

That was a joke.

I woke up, and
you weren't there!

Please let this be a dream.

Climb in.

Snuggle up to your father.

♪ My little angel,
sleep, sleep tight ♪

♪ and in your sweet
dreams through the night ♪

♪ just snuggle close, dear,
I hope this never ends... ♪

♪ Dream, dream sweet
dreams, my little angel... ♪

First you tell me
Andrea's going to kiss me

then you make me your boyfriend

so I can't kiss her.

I mean, this is one
big psychic rip-off.

You think it's easy
being your girl?

Okay, you don't take me anywhere

you don't buy me anything.

It's not like I
got ice all right?

I sweat over a hot stove

and all you do is nag, nag, nag.

Okay, Rae, this
is really starting

to get a little weird.

So, what's for
dinner, sweetheart?

Stuffed crab imperial.

Chelsea's down at
the sea lion restaurant

picking it up now.

So, what's all this
boiling water for?

Well, you know, I got
to create the illusion

that I'm cooking, you know.

That water needs
a dash more salt.

Bam!

Ooh, Chelsea, so

how did everything
go at the restaurant?

Well, actu...

Ravey, how's
everything going...?

Ah-ah-ah!

No peeking.

I think we all need to
go into the dining room

and get settled, so, come on.

All right, boyfriend,
tell me you love me.

No.

Well, then, say I look pretty.

No.

Say something nice.

Your cousin looks hot tonight.

Let me get that for you.

Oh, you are so thoughtful.

Thank you, Edward.

Oh, you're very welcome.

Hey, is dinner ready?

Oh, just about.

Are you two feeling better?

Not much.

That sofa bed really
messed up our necks.

I don't know why,
'cause I slept like a baby.

We know. We know.

Thank you so much, Chelsea.

Oh, my goodness, this looks

so good... rice almondine,
fresh vegetables...

Okay, where's the crab imperial?

In the box.

Chelse...

It's still kicking.

I know, I know, Rae, b-but look

that awful restaurant,
they wanted to k*ll them

and I saved them.

Look, look, look, I
saved Fred and Ethel

and little Ricky.

Uh, you know what, Chelse?

It's okay, 'cause I understand
that you love the animals

and I'm all for it, girl.

I respect that.

Rae? Huh?

What you doing?

I'm just showing it
around the Kitchen, really.

Hey, Freddie,
this is the Kitchen

here's the refrigerator,
and here's the hot pot

of boiling water!

Raven, you can't! I have to.

I have a snobby cousin
in there I have to impress.

Sorry, crabby.

Give it to me,
Rae, give it to me!

No, no, no!

Everything okay in there?

Fine!

I cannot believe that this crab

is attached to our head.

Ah...!

Rae, Rae, r-remember

he's more scared of
us than we are of him.

Hey, we're getting
hungry out here.

Uh, we're coming!

What are we going to do?!

There's scissors over there.

Wait-wait, ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Okay, we'll cut your hair.

We'll cut your hair, Rae.

Huh?! I'm sorry?!

Why can't we cut yours?

All right, scissors... bad idea.

Yeah.

Look who came to
help me serve the salad.

Hey!

Yes. No one serves
salad like I do.

Raven, do you need
any help in the Kitchen?

Oh, no, everything's
under control.

Yes. All right,
here's some salad

Mr. Baxter.

Okay, and here's
some for Mrs. Baxter.

And here's some... For Corey!

She always gets
a little emotional

when she says my name.

Here's some for Eddie.

There you go, Eddie.

Oh, sorry about that.

All right, and your main
dish will be up, okay?

What are we having, anyway?

Girl, we are having crab.

Really, really... Fresh crab.

And your salad

servers will be leaving now.

Buh-bye, buh-bye, buh-bye.

See ya. See ya.

Raven is so lucky to
have a guy like you.

She is?

Almost. Okay, I
think I've got it, Rae.

Just hold on.

One, two...

Oh, I'm free.

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Can you help me?

Hey, Rae, I think your
cousin's coming on to me.

And you got a crab in your hair.

I know. How do you like it?

Eddie, Andrea cannot
see Rae like this.

Go watch the door.

You know what?

That's just like Andrea.

As soon as she finds out
that you're my boyfriend

she's all over you.

Yo, Andrea's coming.

Oh, I can't let her
see me like this.

Here, take it, take it.

Are you sure there's
nothing I can do?

Uh, no.

I'll help cook the crab.

No, really, no, please!

You're the guest, really.

Please, you're the guest.

No, I want to. Please,
you're the guest.

Where is Raven?!

Upstairs.

You know, she and
Eddie had this huge fight

and they broke up.

What is taking so long?

Are those restaurant containers?

It sounds like Eddie
and Raven broke up.

What? What?

Eddie and Raven aren't going out

because if they were,
Eddie would have told us.

Isn't that right, son?

Uh, Rae, a little help here.

Hey, everybody.

Y'all enjoy your salads?

What is going on?

Okay.

Eddie and I aren't dating.

Okay, it was all a joke,
just like this dinner.

All to impress her.

So, here.

Eddie, you want her?

You can have her.

I got to go see if Rae is okay.

No. This is between
my cousin and me.

I think we need to talk.

Why is that?

Are you here to brag
about something else

to make me feel even
worse about my life?

Oh, no, here, I'll save
you the trouble, okay?

I lied.

I'm not head of
the volleyball squad

I'm not head cheerleader,
and I can't cook.

So, congratulations.

You win.

Your life is better than mine.

Rae.

Hold on.

You actually think my
life is better than yours?

You sure make it seem that way.

Well, it's not.

I live in a different
country every year.

I change homes.

I have to make new friends.

Believe me, Rae, you don't
know how lucky you are.

But I don't shop in Rome, okay?

And I don't live in Paris.

Oh, I'd trade all that for this.

Look, you were
standing right here

when you were two and
four and seven and nine.

I don't have that.

I don't have a real
home like you do.

Oh, and you'll
really love this one.

I don't have a
boyfriend, either.

I made him up to impress you

because I thought
you had the better life.

So, I don't win.

You do.

You mean... we wasted 14 years
of trying to impress each other

when we could have been friends?

Want to start over again?

Sure.

You know that, uh, red bag
you had on the other day?

Can I borrow it?

Only if you tell me where
you got those shoes.

Girl, yeah, it was on sale.

All right!

I'm sorry.

You remember that pony I had?

Yeah?

Made it up.

Well, remember my soccer trophy?

Garage sale. $2.50.

Oh, I'm glad to see you guys
worked everything on out.

So are we. Yeah, well

I'm going to leave.

Thanks for dinner.

I got to go home and eat.

Eddie, wait.

I love this spot!