05x01 - Carly Summers

[bunniefuu]

Make me beautiful

Make me

A perfect soul A perfect mind

A perfect face A perfect lie

(THE BEST IS YET
TO COME PLAYING)

MAN: (SINGING)
The best is yet to come

And babe won't it be fine

You think you've seen the
sun, but you ain't seen it shine

Wait till the warm-up's underway

Wait till our lips have met

And wait till you see
that sunshine day

You ain't seen nothin' yet

Down by five, partner. Think
you can get inside of me now?

(CHUCKLES)

That's a foul.

Now look, real men don't cheat.

They do if they wanna win. Face
it, partner, you can't dominate me.

Never have, never will.

(EXCLAIMS)

Come on, you're just
gonna scuff the new floor.

Who cares? It's not like we
got patients in here to complain.

Yes!

It's been two months without
even a BOTOX sh*t, Christian.

So far the only thing I have to show for
opening a new practice in Los Angeles

- is a better hook sh*t.
- I wouldn't go that far.

Look. We both knew it
wasn't going to be easy, right?

- Yeah.
- Well, it's not like we can

start up in a strip mall
and hand out flyers,

hoping people come
through the door.

Worked the first time we
started our business together.

At 25, baby.

At 40, you gotta go all out!

(CHRISTIAN WHOOPS)

- We owned Miami, right?
- Yeah.

Right? So sooner or later,

we're gonna make
this town our bitch, too.

Speak of the devil.

Repo man is in your office.

Repo man?

Sorry, Doc. You
haven't paid your bill.

But I just sent a
check last week.

And it bounced higher than
Hendrix was at Woodstock.

- You can't kidnap our fish.
- Can't work for free, either.

If I stop coming to clean the
tanks, the little guys go belly-up.

Oh, I'll tell you what. I don't wanna
terrorize the little aqua dudes here.

And they're just settling in.

I give you a week.

- Cool?
- Cool.

SEAN: I knew this was a mistake.

I knew investing all our
settlement money from Michelle

into a Rodeo Drive sinkhole
was gonna bite us right in the ass.

Perhaps you could save
your ass by selling off

that disgustingly
extravagant Malibu beach pad.

No way. Image is
everything in this town.

Besides, if I sell the Malibu compound,
where's my partner gonna stay, huh?

In your hideous Silver
Lake one-bedroom?

I'm only bunking with you
because I'm up to my ass

in alimony and child support.

- You're gonna need a bigger boat.
- What?

Jaws, First time
Brody sees the shark.

You guys are in over your heads.

You're chum, being devoured by
all the Rodeo Drive great whites.

You gotta have faith,
Lizzy. The patients will come.

Faith ain't gonna cut
it out here, Christian.

You want the Hollywood
dream? You gotta go out and get it.

Not wait to be discovered. So get
up off your asses and go get some.

Get some tits while you're at it,
too. Necks, chins, sagging vaginas.

This is Los Angeles
for God's sake.

I think Lizzy's right. We need to go
on a fishing expedition of our own.

What're we gonna use as bait?

(CHUCKLING) Us.

(LEAN LIKE A CHOLO PLAYING)

MAN: (SINGING) All the
homies they know what I mean

- Baby let me show you
how I lean - Like a cholo

Lay back, bounce in the cut When
we do a dance, we do it like what

- Like a cholo - Side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

- Elbows up, side
to side - Like a cholo

All up in the club, 10 deep

Looking for some
hyenas We on the creep

I need a bad one, a real freak

Find them on the dance
floor, so don't sleep

Damn I like you, I like
you, but I really want her

She's that type, I can tell

Let me get into the b*at,
take her back to the hotel

But right now, I'm on the move

Show this little momma
how a gangsta groove

I don't do a whole
lot, just enough

Lean side to side,
keep my elbows up

Like this, and like that

All the girls know
where the real G's at

You could find us
way up in the back

Watching that,
bounce like a low-low

- I lean like a
cholo - Side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

- I lean like a
cholo - Side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

- I lean like a
cholo - Side to side

Elbows up, side to side

Elbows up, side to side

- What's the plan?
- Divide and conquer.

(LEAN LIKE A CHOLO PLAYING)

Dr. Christian Troy.
Plastic surgeon.

Actors are judged
by their appearance.

Maybe we could freshen you
up a bit for your next audition.

That is so sweet. But I get all my
work done with Dr. Escandarian.

Dr. Tare did my chin implant.

My lips.

My vag*na.

My tits.

He does all the big stars.

He actually shaved down the
bump on my nose a few months ago.

- Have you ever done anyone famous?
- We almost worked on Joan Rivers.

- Is something wrong?
- It's just that most guys your age

who come in wearing
suits like that are agents.

Mine just dropped me, so I
was hoping you were one.

I'm the West Coast
editor of Us Weekly,

If you ever do someone
important, give me a call.

It's anonymous.

Jesus. Has anyone in this
town not had plastic surgery?

I feel like I'm trying to sell
semen at a whorehouse.

Hey!

Ooh. Uncut flesh.
Eleven o'clock.

Hi. I'm Dr. Christian Troy.

- This is my partner.
- Dr. Sean McNamara.

We're plastic surgeons.

I've always resisted
getting anything done.

Well, maybe you haven't
met the right surgeons yet.

- We're new in town. From Miami...
- Miami. Yeah.

We'd love you to come
in for a consul, sometime...

- Free consul.
- Free consul.

And then will I be happy?

Well...

You're both cute as clams,

and I don't know how
they do business in Miami,

but in Hollywood, trolling
for business at a nightclub

isn't a savvy marketing
technique. It's pathetic.

And if you wanna
make it in this town,

you're gonna have to do a
better job of selling yourselves.

- And what makes you the expert, huh?
- See those blondes over there?

The one on the right
is a client of mine.

She's got as many gold
records as she has trips to rehab.

That's her mother buying her
sh*ts. I'm here to keep an eye on her.

Make sure she doesn't
completely destroy the image

I worked my ass
off creating for her.

Fiona McNeil. Publicist.

SEAN: I think our credentials
speak for themselves.

Been written up in The New England
Journal of Medicine three times.

Plastic Reconstructive
Surgery journal twice...

And how many times have you been
written up in People magazine, hotshot?

You can't spit in this town without
hitting a plastic surgeon from Harvard.

It's not what you've done.
It's whom. Celebrity is power.

Well, we're screwed.

We can't get a celebrity until
we've operated on a celebrity.

Or become
celebrities yourselves.

- You mean advertise?
- Anyone can advertise,

but not everyone
can get exposure.

What's the difference?

The difference is you don't
look like the one placing the ad.

That's publicity.

That's what I do better than
anyone in this town for 5,000 a month.

- We don't have it.
- Too bad, puppy.

'Cause I have a unique opportunity that
would fit you guys like a surgeon's glove.

- We've got it. What is it?
- Hearts 'N Scalpels,

(FIONA LAUGHING)

You guys don't watch television?

Hearts 'N Scalpels is a fantastic
new series about plastic surgery.

The show runner happens
to be a client of mine,

and he's looking for a medical advisor
to help him with the technical stuff.

Are you saying that being on a
TV show would give us credibility?

Bingo! I think he's got it.

Bet you've never seen a
view like this, have you, baby?

It's so beautiful. I think I can
see all the way to Canada.

That's not the view
I'm talking about.

Oh, Dr. Clift. I don't
know about this.

I'm just a first-year
plastic surgery resident.

Oh, and I'm just showing
you how I operate.

Think of me as
your first lesson.

They should just be honest
and rename this show "sh*t."

sh*t.

(WOMAN MOANING ON TV)

You're so hot,

- What is this? Aidan Stone do a...
- It's hilarious.

The guy's ridiculous. He thinks
he's James Bond or something.

He's not even that
good-looking. I'm hotter than he is.

- Oh, yeah.
- We're salmon in the water, baby.

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- You're swimming with the doctor.

- This is really bad.
- It's pretty good.

- I don't even know what you're watching.
- It's entertaining.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Yeah. A car accident?

I'll be there in 10.

Ten orgasms.

(SEAN CHUCKLES)

Aidan's pretty fun.

- You think they know it's funny?
- I don't know.

They like the drama, right?

Removed her cheek
implants from her esophagus.

She's still gonna need a
complete facial reconstruction here.

- Where's the doctor? Where is the doctor?
- Someone call for a plastic surgeon?

What the hell is this? They
don't wear masks or hats?

You're gonna be fine. 10-blade!

She's crashing. Oh, God,
get the crash cart! Stat!

Give me the paddles.
Give me the paddles. Stat.

- Paddles!
- Here we go, paddles.

- All right, put it up to 380.
- 380.380!

Look at those tits.

- All right, all right. 360.
- 360! 360!

- No, no. 460, 460.
- Four. 460!

- Clear! Clear!
- Clear!

Nothing! 580, now!

- Man, come on!
- Clear!

Look at it! Look at it!

Get rid of these.
Get rid of these.

(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)

I want one milligram
of epi, right now.

- Epi, gram.
- Doctor, stat!

- All right! Stat!
- I said you, Doctor!

- I'm... I'm doing it.
- Not on my watch.

I'm not losing another one.
I am not losing another one.

I sure hope she can sing at her
daughter's wedding on Saturday.

Doctor, I want you to go
outside to the waiting room.

I want you to tell her daughter that
I am not going to ruin her wedding,

- do you understand me?
- I understand.

Now! And I wanna see a little
better bedside manner next time!

We're saving a life today,
guys. We're all here for her.

We are saving a
life today, people!

CHRISTIAN: Her face
completely healed in three days.

I mean, the whole thing
was wildly unrealistic.

Being linked to that show could
destroy our professional reputation.

We'll get referrals. We'll find patients.
We're not that desperate, are we?

Maybe not, boys. Our first
consult's in Sean's office.

Tell us what you don't like
about yourself, Mr. Korchuk.

Oh, that's okay. You can
use my real name. I just...

I said that so your secretary
wouldn't post me on Defamer,

That just proves my
instincts were dead-on.

That's why I came to you guys
and not one of the big surgeons.

Bob Easton ring a bell?

Chairman, chief executive
officer of the biggest studio in town.

Quarterly profits never been higher.
My movies are smart and entertaining.

Well, we're delighted
you chose us, Mr. Easton.

What can we do for you?

I'm gonna be spending the
holidays at the Four Seasons in Kona.

The entire town's
gonna be there.

I need you guys

to make these invisible
by the time I'm poolside.

It's where I do the bulk of my
business for the next fiscal year.

Did you have a
run-in with a dog?

When my mistress puts my
collar and leash on, I'm the dog.

- Your dominatrix inflicted these?
- Yeah, and she's not cheap, either.

Still, no scotch, no yoga class,
no hot rock therapy ever helped me

like Mistress Dark Pain does.

Sounds like living the
dream has its price.

Course it does.

Eat your young on a regular
basis, what do you expect?

All day long, I'm the one
with the control, the power.

Once a week, Mistress Dark
Pain takes it all away from me.

Sometimes twice a week
during Oscar season.

Every bite somehow restores the
balance. Keeps me real, you know?

Anyway, how soon can
we get it taken care of?

We're pretty booked up this
week. How about next Tuesday?

Please. This place is deader than
my nana. Today. Make it happen.

(LOVE HURTS PLAYING)

MAN: (SINGING) Love hurts

Love scars

I thought we left Miami so we didn't
have to deal with freaks like this guy.

- One client at a time, Christian.
- Bullshit, Sean. I'm a jackrabbit.

I don't do slow and steady.

I've paid my dues and I
want some overnight success.

Ooh, love hurts

FREDDY: Out of the way, Wiggy!

You'll lose a lot more than
your head. Jesus Christ.

(HORN HONKING)

You have no idea how stressful it
can be running a television show.

Everybody wants you.
Everybody's relying on you.

You know, the
studio, the network.

Rose Bowl Parade,
they want me on a float.

God, steering on this thing is so
tight, it's Germanic or something.

It's brand new.

Anyway, Fiona recommends
you guys very, very highly.

She's been very helpful to us
since our move out here from Miami.

I think she heard about
our more prestigious cases

and thought that us working
together might be mutually beneficial.

Watch it, Spartacus!
It's not a soccer field.

Look, there's Achilles,
too. Get it? Ha, ha.

So listen, I have a very important
question I need to ask you.

- Yeah?
- Scale of one to 10,

what do you think of my show?

- Five.
- Ten.

Sorry, it's just from a medical standpoint,
the procedures look really phony.

And who's the lead guy? I
mean, he's totally unrealistic.

Women 18 to 49,
they love Aidan Stone.

And he has a huge
following amongst the gays.

But I don't know, you
know. Sounds like maybe

this isn't the right
show for you guys.

Not only could we make your
medical stuff more realistic,

we could give you examples of
cases we've worked on for 15 years.

And give you credibility.

What the hell is
this sh*t, Freddy?

A musical episode?
How gay is that?

Come on! This is the kind of desperate
slag you don't do until your fifth season.

- I thought... I thought...
- What? What'd you think?

No, you didn't. No, you
didn't. No, you didn't think.

'Cause you're too busy parading
around in that God-ugly jumpsuit

like some faggy
fat-assed chorus girl!

Why don't you just fire those
hackedy-hack writers before I quit,

and you're forced to start
running crafts service?

I mean, look at your body!

What happened to the
program I set up for you?

It is so depressing!

So where were we?

You let that son of a
bitch talk to you that way?

Who? Oh, Aidan? He's a sweetie.

You know, he's...
He's sensitive.

And he's damaged.

And, you know,
he's... He's frustrated.

(FREDDY CRYING)

You all right?

I just got a low blood sugar, and I
need to eat something right now.

Okay. Wheat, sugar,
poop, poop, crap.

Paco! Why is
everything still fried, still?

I'm getting tits like a girl!

Truth is, Aidan's right, I'm in
over my head. Way over my head.

We start production at episode
six on Tuesday, and I have no case.

And I can't keep ripping off episodes
of Chicago Hope, They'll start suing me.

I need something sexy,
I need a ratings grabber.

Jesus Christ, chicken
fingers. God damn it.

Well, we had a case a couple
of years ago, remember, Sean?

This woman came
in to our office.

She b*rned her lips
off in a cooking accident.

Right, we had to do a graft
using skin from her vag*na.

The only trouble was her
husband didn't like oral sex,

so she couldn't let him know
where the skin came from.

We called her p*ssy lips.

I'd watch a show
with p*ssy lips on it.

How soon can you start?

We're not interested in just
being consultants, Mr. Prune.

- We're not?
- We want producer credits

and the occasional line.

(THE BEST IS YET
TO COME PLAYING)

p*ssy lips. God, I love it.

Let's get to work.

MAN: (SINGING) And
baby, you're gonna fly

Let me start off by
saying I'm a huge fan.

Of all the romantic comedies I've been
dragged to by girlfriends over the years,

yours are the ones
I hated the least.

So tell me what you don't like
about yourself, Miss Summers.

(LAUGHING)

Um...

That I was stupid enough
to let Fiona drag me here.

Look, Doctor, I'm sure you
are a genius at what you do,

but plastic surgery is an
actor's worst nightmare.

You stretch actor's faces so they
don't have to stretch themselves.

Says the woman who hasn't landed a part
deeper than a sh*t glass in three years.

Face it, Carly. No
one wants to see

a 40 year-old woman
in romantic comedies.

If she looks 35, maybe.

She always this rough with you?

It's hard to find someone in this
town who'll be honest with you.

Which is why we came to you,
Dr. Troy. You're a fellow client.

We can trust you.

Tell us how you can refresh Carly's
face so we can refresh her career.

Well, let's start out on
the right foot, shall we?

Tell me. Do you want
cosmetic surgery?

Look, I'm up for
this really great part.

Single mother, coal
miner, with an autistic child.

And even if I don't get it, a
part of me wants to take a stand.

I wanna show everyone
that a woman my age

can be desirable without
the help of science.

Sweetheart, you have a lovely little
talent and you have made the most of it.

But you've got five years left.

And that's only if you let
Dr. Troy work his medical magic.

Well, maybe I can start out with
that Restylane or BOTOX, you know?

Ease me into it?

What do you think, Dr. Troy?

- Honestly?
- Yeah.

I don't think you
need anything done.

Maybe a nice
dinner by the beach,

a great bottle of Burgundy
and some decent conversation.

Look at you, beautiful boy.

Where are you going?

I'm taking Carly to The Ivy.

Did you call a sitter?

No, but you're
not doing anything.

Come on now. It's business.

I thought you turned
down her surgery.

I did turn down her surgery.
Now I need to turn her on.

We're not gonna get
anywhere in this town

by giving Carly
Summers a little BOTOX.

She needs a
face-lift, a tit job,

and whatever else I can
seduce her into getting.

Good plan, huh?

How about I take the
Hollywood star out to dinner,

and you stay home with
your son? I'll do the convincing.

Because I'm the charismatic
salesman and you're the talent.

- That's the way it's always been.
- Exactly why I left Miami.

- What are you, a camel?
- Pineapple juice, baby.

Makes a man's sh**t-sh**t
taste infinitely sweeter.

It's nature's guarantee
of a second date.

Now if you were any kind of
salesman, you would have known that.

Come on, the next America's sweetheart
who comes into our office is all yours.

Why didn't you hire a live-in
nanny like you said you would?

I can't afford it now that we're
paying Fiona five grand a month.

Good night. I love you.

Christian.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Liz, slow down. I
can't understand you.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

You think you're a big
barracuda, don't you?

Well, I can jerk you
like you're a guppy.

- Get out of here!
- What the hell are you doing? Stop it!

I want you to pack
up and get out.

- Or what?
- Or I'm calling the police.

Of course I sterilize.
I'm a professional.

What's going on with
you? This is out of control.

(MUMBLING)

- You need therapy.
- I had to call her, okay?

I had to fire five
people today. By email.

This is a medical facility, Mr. Easton.
Not a bedroom or a dungeon.

One of them was my
oldest friend out here.

You know I'm godfather
to his daughter?

I had this whole corporate merger
in the wind, everything's shifting.

You are not in charge here!
You talk when I say you can talk.

Let me tell you something, Doctor.
It's not easy being Robert Easton.

He isn't stupid.

He knows that underneath
his "look how big my d*ck is" act,

that he's just a
scared little boy

who feeds off everyone
else's talents and dreams.

He's nothing.

I have a gift.

I help keep men like Bob from
imploding with too much power.

Let me tell you something,
Mistress Whomever.

You and your gift are not welcome
here. This is a place of healing.

You'd be fun to work with.

See you later, Bobby.

(EXHALES)

So next time, maybe we should
meet at the restaurant first?

Really?

How come? You
didn't like our first date?

- I did, trust me.
- Trust you, huh?

Trust an actress?

Well...
- Can I trust an actress?
- Yeah.

I need to see for myself.

No, you don't.

- Oh, come on.
- No.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, my God.

Why are you being
so shy all of a sudden?

Look, I took over an hour getting
ready for you and, you know,

you barely saw it.

And now my hair is a wreck and
my makeup is all smeared and...

Makeup?

After the first
time we met, I...

I got the impression that you were
very confident with your appearance.

I am. I just...

I've just never slept with
a plastic surgeon before.

Oh, God. I imagine it's
worse than a casting director.

Please.

You think I'm judging the
way that you look now?

You're beautiful.

- What?
- God, you and the light.

(SIGHS)

Wow.

- What?
- I've never seen that before.

CARLY: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: It's an
original Andrew McPherson.

- You know his work?
- I have his book.

Wow.

- Can you believe that was taken almost...
- Eighteen years ago.

- Give or take six months.
- How do you know that?

They didn't airbrush back
then like they do today.

I don't think I
look that different.

Do you?

Not at all.

Well, say I was gonna do
that exact same picture today.

Like, would you have to fix anything
to make me look like that again?

Do you have a lipstick?

Yeah.

Starting at the bottom.

The muscles in your calves and
thighs, they soften after a woman turns 40,

so I'd give you a calf
implant, some liposuction,

right through here and through here.
Of course, some liposuction right here.

Now, your boobs are still really perky,
so I'd just maybe take them to a high B

and lift them just a little bit.

Now, here's the hard part.

The feather lift would take six
years off the way you look now.

And through here... Here...

The good news is if you
get that coal miner role,

nobody will notice your
ass in overalls, right?

Let's focus people. I need a
bruschetta, stat. Extra cheese.

Okay, what the heck?
Where are your p*ssy lips?

I thought we were sh**ting.
Where are her p*ssy lips?

No, you said we
were just rehearsing.

Oh, God, of course. I'm sorry.
I'm an assh*le. What's this?

Why is this... What is
this Buck Rogers bullshit?

Okay, I know it's real and
everything, but spray it...

Freddy, I just need to know,
should I scream and break down

and be terrified that I'm
gonna die? Like this, watch.

(CRYING)

I'm so terrified I'm gonna die.

Don't look at me like you just
stepped in dog sh*t, Freddy.

I'm just trying to give
this thing some colors.

No, honey, I'm processing.

All right. I mean, don't you
think we should just see her,

you know, resist and resist, and
then she should slowly reveal that

when she was a little girl,
she was sexually abused?

All right, let's do
it. Let's get it done.

- I feel good.
- Great, great. Just...

- Inside, stat, please.
- Over here.

- Now, you take a 15-blade.
- All right.

- We'll just pantomime this for now.
- Okay.

But you hold it like this, and
you start by excising the...

- Freddy, what's with this real-life sh*t?
- Um...

I don't wanna do
all this real-life sh*t.

I mean, they're not tuning in
to see my hands. It's boring.

New idea, new idea,
new idea, new idea...

I actually think it's a mistake

to underestimate the
intelligence of your audience.

I think adding a little authenticity
could make a huge difference.

You know what? I
completely agree with you.

I mean, that's why I don't think she
should give in so easily, you know?

I mean, I think I should
be flailing around like...

(CRYING)

- And then you should tie me down.
- With what?

- With some ropes.
- Do you know what's the magic for me?

- What?
- It's when I get to watch you listen.

- I can do that.
- Then listen to me.

You know, you'll need a cap when
we're doing the surgery scenes.

You look ridiculous
when you don't wear a cap.

- Cloth cap, stat.
- No, no, eighty-six, stat.

Do you see this?
See this hair? Yeah?

This is why people tune in.

Okay, if I was balding in the temples
like you, it'd be a different story.

Excuse me?

Why don't we just rehearse the basic
moves so it looks more real, okay?

Just so that you could see...
You make the cut here...

Hey, Doc, you're a technical
advisor, okay? You are not the director.

Freddy? Why is it that we're in the
plastic surgery capital of the world

and we're forced to work
with these Miami wannabes?

- Can you tell me that?
- You are not in charge here!

I have seen kids playing doctor

who have a better surgical
technique than you do.

I'm giving you an opportunity
to be more authentic.

I would take it if I were you.

SEAN: Holding it just
like that. AIDAN: Okay.

Now, it's just some skin that's
right on the edge of the lip.

AIDAN: So I just come
in gently... SEAN: Easy.

CANDY: But don't really do it.

Don't... Just breathe.
Just like a little...

CHRISTIAN: Game over, pally pal.

We finally have a real-life
patient. At least you do, anyway.

He specifically requested me?

Well, apparently you're
the only one he trusts

to keep his peak-a-boo
scalp a secret.

I can't believe you'd let me
go in front of millions of viewers

showing off my shiny head.

The only time I see the top of
your head is when it's covered.

Well, if that assh*le's not
wearing a cap, than neither am I.

assh*le's a vain narcissist
without a shred of integrity.

I know, he's a TV star.

What's on top of his head is more
important than what's in it. I get it.

It's Hollywood, baby.

Plug me.

I'm sorry you
didn't get the part.

Cameron Diaz is 35.

She thinks being autistic
means you can paint.

I guess she's easier
to light in a coal mine.

Which is why we're here.

- What's this?
- A confidentiality agreement.

No one can find out
about Carly's surgery.

It's straight. You can sign it.

So, what do we do first?

Feather lift, which
only takes a few hours,

so we can do your breast
augmentation at the same time.

Are you sure this is
something you wanna do?

I'd hate to see you bowing to the
superficial pressures of your industry.

- Is it going to hurt?
- No more than having your teeth cleaned.

How exactly does the lift work?

We begin by making a
tiny incision in your scalp.

Then we slide in
silicon cheek enhancers.

We then insert tiny
threads into the cheeks

and pull the
facial muscle tight.

(GROANING)

For the record, I continue
to find your vanity ridiculous.

What are you gonna do
if this reads on camera?

Come on. You're the one who, in
the Miami days, told our clients that

"Micro plugs are so realistic, you
can go back to work the next day."

What, I got three
days before we sh**t?

I should be fine.

I need this.

MATT: Dear Dad, enclosed,
find a picture of the new bambino.

Her name is Jenna,

Kimber named her after some
sitcom actress in the church

I've never heard of,

I know you wanted to be there
to deliver my first born, Dad,

I wanted that, too, but
Jenna came so quickly

there wouldn't have been enough
time for you to get here anyway,

I'm sorry I haven't returned your
calls, you know how busy fatherhood is,

And Kimber's good,
She loves being a mom,

I miss you, Dad,

Show Christian the picture
and tell him I miss him, too,

I love you guys, Matt,

CHRISTIAN: Jesus Christ!

- SEAN: What is it? What's wrong?
- Look at this.

- All right, let me see, let me see.
- What is it?

Foliculitus. Infection occurs in a
small percentage of hair transplants...

Did you clean the
instruments properly?

This was probably caused
by all that sweating you did

in the tanning salon yesterday.

I told you to stay away from
it until you're fully healed.

We need to look our best,
right? It's our big break.

All right, all right.
Stay still. Come here.

Anti-septic cream or something?
I'm gonna be all right, right?

- It's gonna be fine.
- Right?

Hold on.

- This was a mistake.
- It's just a minor infection.

No, not your plugs. Look at us.

Mutilating our bodies, selling
out to some hack TV show.

We're good surgeons.

Why live in a place that
doesn't appreciate us, you know?

Maybe we should've moved somewhere
where substance reigns over style.

Like New York. Huh?

Julia's gone.

Living a couple of subway stops
away ain't gonna change that.

I miss my kids.

I miss Annie laughing at me while
I try to put her hair in a ponytail,

Conor's first smile
in the morning.

I miss seeing Matt with
his child, our grandchild.

You can't get those
moments back.

Look,

you made a bold move
coming out here, partner.

Maybe the first one
of your life. Huh?

Come on. I mean, how many guys
our age finally get the opportunity

to get the recognition
they deserve? Huh?

- This is just the beginning.
- Fame isn't love, Christian.

Getting it isn't gonna
fill up some hole

you've had inside you
since you were a kid.

She's beautiful.

She looks just like me.

I wanna be here, man.

I mean, look at this place.

I can't do without you.

So, you're going to
have to jump on board.

'Cause I ain't leaving.

Come on. Let's run some lines.

- Not too much.
- CANDY: Freddy!

I got the rewrite.

I don't understand.

If you didn't like the
way I was saying the line,

why don't you just
tell me to my face?

No, darling, it's
not you, you're gold.

It's the Standards and
Practices Department.

Now it's okay, you know,
for Tony Soprano's best friend

to be named p*ssy, but
we are television, not HBO,

so we can't use the "P"
word on the network. That's all.

What? I can't say that.

I mean, it doesn't sound
natural. Allegra's a grown woman.

I mean, only a child
would refer to her labia as...

Candy, Candy, Candy, Candy.
She's a victim of abuse. Okay?

Any reference to her female
parts infantilizes her, okay?

End of story.

Now, I want you to play against the
sentimental nature of the material...

Do you wanna know
something, Freddy?

You are right.

Oh, my God. You are a genius.

- Oh.
- I am infantilized.

Maybe I can gurgle
like a baby. Like...

(GURGLING)

Nana.

Are you ready for your
close-up, Dr. McNamara?

Huh? Huh?

I don't know about you, but I
feel like my whole life is built up

for this moment
in time. Right now.

Do you realize that in one
night, more people will see us

than we meet in
a whole lifetime?

- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.

Just... I think you need a little
something around the plugs.

sh*t. Seriously? They practically
sprayed a whole can of spray paint on me.

They said it wouldn't
show on camera.

Well, they're pros. I'm sure they
know what they're talking about.

- You tell me. You tell me, huh?
- No, it's okay.

- It's okay? You sure?
- It's fine. Yeah.

(EXCLAIMS)

MAN: A camera marker.

You don't understand,

I can't wear my lady
cha-cha on my lips. I just can't.

- It'll be a constant reminder of...
- Of what, Allegra?

You can tell me,
I'm your doctor.

My father touched those lips.

AIDAN: It's okay.

He used to come into my room at
night when I was a little girl and...

- Let it out.
- And abuse me.

I just can't wear my
shame on my face.

(AIDAN SHUSHING)

No one will know I put your
lady cha-cha on your face.

- I'm gonna get a Humanitas for this.
- You have my word.

Doctor.

- You were right, Doctor.
- What is that?

Is that a surgeon or is that a Chia
Pet? That's... That's disgusting.

Get off him. Get off him.

Elastic fibers allow for less contraction
during the healing and recovery process.

She's ready when
you are, Doctor.

15-blade.

I'm pretty good at this.

You could hear a pin drop
when I was saying my lines.

What are you doing here?

Apparently, the merge is
official, and our little Bobby

has been asked to be chairman
and CEO of the parent company.

He's very excited.

But, understandably,

a little stressed.

Who is that, man?
She's kind of hot.

Bobby Easton's one-woman
stress management.

- Mr. Easton, pull down the blanket.
- I'm good.

- He's in shock.
- I'm good.

I need to examine your
sutures. Let go of the blanket.

Jesus.

It's not her fault. She wanted to
stop. I begged her to keep going.

I wanna thank you guys.

Lesser men would have
kicked me to the curb.

You know, I'm having a
hard time understanding

how such a smart
guy can be so stupid.

In addition to
compromising our practice,

do you have any idea what
lives in the human mouth?

It's a cesspool. You
risk sepsis, hepatitis B...

I know, I know. I
have a problem, okay?

For the record, I decided
not to take the job. I'm out.

You know, it's only a matter of time
until this town eats you guys alive.

You may wanna pack up your
scalpels and head back to Miami

while your souls
are still intact.

- Count back from 10 for me.
- 10, 9...

(CRYING)

Oh, look. That was a great
idea. You see the face?

You don't understand,

I can't wear my lady
cha-cha on my lips.

Honey, if you can live with the shame of
calling your labia minora lady cha-chas,

then you can paint them bright
orange and wear them on your forehead.

(SHUSHING)

- CHRISTIAN: Here comes...
- Of what, Allegra?

(CRYING)

I'm your doctor. You
can tell me anything.

My father touched those lips.

AIDAN: It's okay.

He used to come into my room at
night when I was a little girl and...

- Let it out.
- And abuse me.

- Look, look, Daddy's gonna be on TV.
- Oh, Sean, look, you look really moved.

- Will you guys be...
- It's weird, I sort of was.

Be quiet, please. All right?

(SHUSHING)

No one will know I put your
lady cha-cha on your face.

You have my word.

Doctor.

She's ready when
you are, Doctor.

What? Wait, wait.

What the hell
happened to my speech?

Doctor.

She's ready when
you are, Doctor.

15-blade.

They cut out the whole speech.

No, you're not... Not completely.
I mean, the back of your head...

This is that Aidan Stone's fault. I'll
tell you, he felt threatened by me...

Come on, Christian.
It's just a stupid TV show.

CHRISTIAN: What?

McNamara/Troy cannot be associated
with this kind of schlock, my friend.

That's all there is to it.

We have a reputation to protect.

They can take this shitty show
and shove it up their asses.

We don't need that
kind of exposure, Sean.

We've got Carly, and our
work will speak for itself.

You signed a confidentiality
agreement, remember?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- So, Carly never happened.

Excuse me. Didn't I see you
last night on Hearts 'N Scalpels?

Oh, last night's episode was
awesome. Everyone is talking about it.

Look, it's the new cute
doctor from Hearts 'N Scalpels,

Oh, wow, you were great. It
was like watching a real doctor.

Well, actually, I am.
They hired me to consult...

- Hey, you're a real plastic surgeon?
- Yes, I actually...

Do you have a card? My wife's been
hounding me to get some work done.

- Give me that hot dog, would you?
- You must be pretty good.

Every surgeon in Beverly
Hills must've been after that job.

Here. Here you go.

(NEW KID IN TOWN PLAYING)

- Thanks.
- SEAN: Sure. Sure.

You never know, right?

Lipo's a harsh procedure.

They key is to use short, even
strokes to avoid excessive bruising.

Wow.

That looks just so
real when you do it.

This is real, remember?

Yeah, this is exactly how I want
the show to look from now on.

I went online the other
night after we aired

and got our
highest ratings ever.

You know what I kept reading about
in all the Hearts 'N Scalpel chat rooms?

Surgery.

They love the surgery.

Everybody thought that it brought
a heightened sense of realism

- and drama to the show.
- You're kidding.

- No. No. Me doing realistic surgery.
- No, you can't...

- You can't do that.
- Right.

Right. Just what
the fans wanna see.

And you, my friend, you are the
guy that's gonna make that happen.

Oh, I'm just happy
to do my part.

Speaking of which, I wanna
talk to you about what happened

on set the other day.

How you spoke to me.

- Look, I didn't mean...
- Thank you.

I needed to hear it.

You know, it's hard being the sole
creative force behind a hit show.

Everything is riding on my
broad shoulders all the time

and the pressure gets to me.

(CHRISTIAN CLEARING THROAT)

- What's he doing here?
- Christopher.

It's good to see you, my man.

Your better half's giving me
some pointers on the show.

It's awesome stuff.

Listen, you have any
notes on the next script,

- you give me a call, okay?
- Yeah.

We should do a meal soon.
You've been to The Ivy yet?

You've got my digits, right?

- Look at you. Look at you.
- It's Christian.

So, what's he
talking about? Huh?

I thought we agreed we
weren't doing the TV show.

I never committed to that.

You're the one who wanted to
quit because you were cut out.

- Is that the lady from...
- The hot dog stand. Yeah.

And some cold calls came in
this morning from fans of the show.

Great. Now the
ball's off and rolling,

we don't have to do that
stupid, shitty TV show, right?

You can do what you want,
but I'm doing the show, Christian.

Fiona was right. It's
good for business.

You mean it's good for your ego.

Everything's
where it ought to be.

Minimal bruising and swelling.

(CARLY BREATHING HEAVILY)

What is it?

Oh, I just didn't know it
was gonna hurt so much.

I could up your
morphine if you like.

No, uh-uh. No, coming
down off that stuff's

an even bigger bitch.

I'm sorry.

I'm glad I did it.

I needed to.

Right?

See if we can move Mrs.
Seebritz's brow lift to 3:00.

That way we can still fit in
Mrs. Cashogey's tummy tuck

before she leaves for
Kabul. Dr. Troy can do it.

Mrs. Cashogey was very clear.
She wants you to do the surgery.

Seems like business
is finally picking up.

Do I need to take out a
restraining order? Leave.

I watched you on
television last night, Doctor.

You're very handsome.

And very convincing.

I can already tell you're gonna do
quite well for yourself in this town.

That's right.

Which means we don't need to see
you or your sicko clients any longer.

Have you seen today's Variety?

This sicko has just climbed
up another rung on the ladder.

"Bob Easton named
CEO after merger."

He told me he was leaving town.

I guess the rush of power is just
too addictive to walk away from.

Call me.

I don't need your kind of help.

You will.

(TELEPHONE DIALING)

Us Weekly, this is
Miranda speaking,

Guess who just got a face-lift.

Carly Summers. Yes,
that Carly Summers.

It doesn't matter who I am,

but the surgeon who did her work

is Dr. Christian Troy.