04x08 - Spider Island

[bunniefuu]

Yes, Donnie,
I'll take out the garbage.

No, Donnie, I won't
experiment on

the kids' bionics
while they're asleep again.

It was one time,
and you didn't even notice.

Gotta go.

Yes.

I miss you, too.

Donnie and the students
made it to Gettysburg

for their first
official field trip.

Bionic kids and cannonballs.

What could possibly go wrong?

You're his student.
Why didn't you go?

Big D. thinks I'm there.

When he takes attendance, I paid a
kid five bucks to yell, "Here,"

and another kid ten bucks
to yell, "Shut it, Leo."

Oh, hey, Bree.

I ditched the field trip so I
could hang out with you guys.

What should we do
on our day off?

Our day off?

No, this is my day off,

and I've already
got it all planned out.

I'm gonna sit by the pool
and read a book.

I'd ask you to join me,

but I live and work
with my family,

so I'm sick of all of you.

Hey, Chase, wanna hang out?

Sorry, Leo, gotta make
the most of my day off.

I already organized
the weapons vault,

alkalized the island's
water system,

and taught a cute little
group of dolphins

to wave hello.

Next up, some light reading.

Oh.

She ended up marrying
the vampire?

I did not see that coming.

- Hey, Adam.
- No.

I didn't even
ask you anything yet.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.

- Thank you. Would you like to...
- No.

Guys, check out this rock
I found on shore.

I had to dig it out
from under a wooden box

of old yellow coins and jewelry.

Adam, this isn't a rock.

It's a fossil.

- Let me see that.
- No!

This is a prehistoric
sea spider.

It went extinct
millions of years ago.

Way to go, Chase.
You made my rock boring.

Cool. I love spiders.

Back in high school, they
used to call me Spider Legs.

And now, I'm realizing
that's a bad thing.

It looks like it's from
the Cretaceous period.

You're right, Douglas.

It's from the Valanginian
subdivision.

I would've loved to have seen
this spider when it was alive.

Maybe you can.

Before I got into bionics,
I dabbled in biology.

I was trying to use fossils
to bring extinct species

back to life.

And that explains why there's still no Mrs.
Douglas Davenport.

This specimen is
almost perfectly preserved.

I was never able
to cr*ck it on my own,

but maybe with your help, I can.

I'm pretty sure
you're not looking at me,

but I am in.

Let's do this, Douglas.

[ringing bike bell]

Hey, Leo, it was rude of me
to just say no

when you asked if I wanted
to do something earlier.

It's nice to see
you've come to your senses.

What I should've said
was "no, thank you."

[honks horn]

The world's first
bionic superhumans...

they're stronger than us.

Faster.

Smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

living on a bionic island.

Almost there.

Got it.

Oh, you guys started without me.

I must've missed the memo.

Where we at, compadres?

First we have to extract
a sampling of its DNA

Oh, great, then we can
map out its genetic structure,

and recreate it exactly.

Or make it better.

There's a reason
this spider went extinct.

This time, we can give it
a better sh*t at survival.

After all these years
of k*lling things,

I can finally
help something live.

Uh, what'd you have in mind?

Elongating its chelicera?

Elongating the who
to the what now?

Maybe we can increase
the strength of its carapace.

Oh, good idea.

To do that, we'd have to alter

- the dimensions of its trochanter.
- Mm, bad idea.

Right. To properly
distribute the weight...

Yes, the weight.

Of its altered exoskeleton.

The exoskeleton.
Of course.

You're just repeating
everything we say.

No, I'm testing you to see
if you're both listening,

and you are.

Now can we please get back
to our tree panthers

and our carrot pizzas?

Leo, look.

You're a great tech guy,

but this is more
of a biology thing.

Are you icing me out?

Finally. Something
you do understand.

Watch it.

Sorry. It's kinda
hard to see

with all this
snorkeling gear on.

Then take it off.

Then how will I breathe?

You have the bionic ability
to breathe underwater.

But I'm not underwater.

Why are you here?

We have the whole island
to ourselves.

Can't you see I am
trying to relax?

Hey, I live here, too.

Did it ever occur to you that
you sitting here reading quietly

might be annoying to me?

- No.
- Well, it is!

[buzzing]

Adam, what are you doing?

What does it look like?
I'm shaving my knees.

Why would you shave your knees?

'Cause it's my day off.

Guys, you've gotta
come downstairs and see this.

Come on.

Congratulations, Adam.
You did the impossible.

You made me wanna
hang out with Chase.

Behold, one of
the greatest achievements

in the history of science.

[shrieks]
Spider! I'll get it!

Stop. Douglas and I
were able to extract

the DNA from the fossil,

and reanimate the sea spider.

So you brought
a million-year-old creature

back to life in one day?

What'd you do with your day off?

When you take
a lot of shortcuts,

and conduct dangerous
experiments

without any safety precautions,

you can do anything in a day.

Can you believe it?

That you'd spend
your whole day off

with your weird uncle,
playing with a dead spider?

Yeah, I believe it.

This is just the beginning.

Think of all the other extinct
animals we can bring back to life.

Dinosaurs.
Ooh, dodo birds.

Camels.

Adam, camels aren't extinct.

Oh, yeah? Then how come
I've never seen one?

That thing is nasty.

Can I touch it?

- No.
- Oh, but you guys can touch it?

Look, we can't risk
anything happening to it.

This spider's very existence
could change everything.

And make me famous
around the world.

And what about me?

I'm sure you'll end
up on somebody's blog.

There.

That should keep
our little friend safe.

Well, I'm gonna go
somewhere quiet

and enjoy my day off.

I'm gonna go somewhere
quiet and make noise.

Stop following me!

Stop walking in front of me!

- Where you guys going?
- To the mainland.

We still have to pick up
a few things for its terrarium.

Mind if I...

join you?

If you guys
are gonna blow me off,

then I'm gonna play with
my new pal Spidey.

Oh, great.
I forgot they locked it.

Good thing I have the spare key.

Well, hello there.

Oh, mmm.

Anything that smells that bad
deserves to be extinct.

Hey, Leo, I have a question.

- What's up?
- Is this annoying?

[air horn blares]

Yes, it's annoying.

I'll tell you what's annoying.

People who interrupt
conversations.

- Leo.
- [air horn blares]

Let me hear it one more time.

[air horn blares]

Yeah, that's annoying.

We might have a problem,

'cause this thing,
it's like candy to my ears.

[blares]

Adam, why do you
keep pestering me?

I'm not pestering you.

I'm just trying to relax
on my day off.

This is my Zen.

[blares]

That's it.

Try to toot
your little horn now.

[air horn blows weakly]

You messed with our spider.

You can't bring
an extinct spider

back to life and expect me
not to play with it.

Besides, what's the big deal?

The big deal is,

you didn't put the cover
on right, and it escaped.

Oh.

Well, that is a big deal.

[Adam screaming]

You okay?

I don't know.
Something bit me in the back

when I was in the pool.

That's called karma.

No, I bet it was the spider.

Well, if it was, it's gone.

It really hurts.
How's it look?

[all shrieking]

I better scan the wound.

Guys, his spider bite
shows lethal levels of poison.

What? Is it bad?

Uh, no.

Just stay calm,

and think of your happy place.

Better yet...

[blares]

Ahh!

His vitals
are dropping by the minute.

He's burning up.

I cannot believe this is all
because of a spider bite.

If we don't do
something soon, he's gonna...

Chase. Chase.

Where's Chase?

I'm here, Adam.

Take my hand.

There's something
I have to tell you.

If I die...

I'm not gonna let that happen.

No, listen to me.

If I die, I want you to know...

even when I'm dead...

Adam...

I'm just a pile of bones...

I'll still be taller than you.

You should've seen
the look on your faces.

Wait. Why do you have
so many tiny faces?

Oh, no. The venom
must be making him hallucinate.

I love what you've done
to your hair, Bree.

I never would've
brought that spider back,

had I known that
it was poisonous.

Why didn't you know
it was poisonous?

Why didn't you know
it was poisonous?

You're the fossil expert.

You're supposed to be
the smartest man in the world.

Hey, stop.

Blaming each other
is not gonna help Adam.

Besides, I'm the one
who pushed him in the pool.

Oh, so it's your fault.

She admitted it.

Well, he let the spider out.

Hey, I'm not even
here right now.

I'm in Gettysburg.

We have to find that spider.

If we can make an antidote

by extracting
the venom from its sac,

it should reverse the effects.

- [groaning]
- Don't worry, Adam.

We're gonna find that spider
and save you, I promise.

Okey-dokey,
Mr. Corn Dog.

Oh, don't be afraid.

I just wanna bite your head off.

Okay, come on.

Now the spider
is really dangerous,

so we have to be very careful
that we don't get bitten.

Right.

What are you doing?!

Protecting you?

Oh, come on, I'm the bigger
loss, and we both know it.

You are bionic,
and you're afraid of a spider?

Of course not.

I made it.
I'm not afraid of it.

Get it off me, get it off me!

Here, spider, spider, spider.

What are you doing?
It's not a dog.

They both bite, don't they?

Here, spider, spider, spider.

- Did you find it?
- No. Did you?

Why would I ask if you
found it if I found it?

- I was being polite.
- At a time like this?

There is never
a bad time for good manners.

- Did you find it?
- No. Did you?

See?

No, we did not,
but thank you for asking.

Okay, the spider could not
have just disappeared.

[loud crashing]

Wait. What was that?

I think it's coming
from outside.

Is that...

I think we just
found the spider.

[ferocious roaring]

[shrieking]

That spider did not
look like that this morning.

What happened?

- I don't know.
- Why is it so big?

- I don't know.
- Why don't you know?

I don't know!!

Douglas.

Okay, fine.

Remember how...

you wanted to make
the spider more resilient

so that it wouldn't
go extinct again?

I remember you wanted
to do that.

And, uh, we talked about
giving it growth hormones.

And I said, do not do that.

Which could be interpreted
many different ways.

[groans]

I didn't know
it would get this big.

Oh, yeah.

Who knew that growth hormones
would make something grow?

You're just mad 'cause
I didn't save any for you.

[both] Ooh!

Below the belt, Douglas.

Below the belt.

Guys, there is no need
to k*ll each other.

Although, that was
a good one, Uncle Dougie.

If we don't stop that thing,

it's gonna destroy
the entire academy.

No, wait.
We can't k*ll it yet.

The venom's no good
to Adam if we extract it

when the spider's dead.

Great. Now we just
need to find someone

who knows how to milk
a 50-foot spider.

No, no, we don't
have to milk it.

We have to extract
the spider's venom with this.

This should be sharp enough

to puncture the venom sac.

Check the security feed
to see if it's still out there.

It's by the living quarters.

- Great. Let's go.
- Remember, we have to get

as close as we can to make sure
we get a good sh*t.

So you want us to sidle up next
to a giant, angry, deadly spider

- and poke it with a needle.
- Yep.

And if we can do it
before my brother returns,

that would be great.

Why is it trying to att*ck us?

It's not.

It's trying to eat us.

Why is it trying to eat us?

Because we forgot to bring
back its food source.

"We"? Oh, no.
There is no we.

This is all you.
You are a terrible scientist.

Hey, I'm not the one
who let the spider out.

You are the one who made it
a 50-foot-tall man-eater.

Chase. Chase.
Where's Chase?

Oh, knock it off!

Okay.

All right.

Ha!

Leo, what are you doing?

Saving the day.

You know, do my Leo thing.

Not like that, you aren't.

Your angle's all off.

Now that's karma.

Stop. Douglas was right.

Your angle is completely off.

I am not giving the harpoon to
somebody who started all this.

Again, you started all of this.

And I'm about to end it.

You know, suddenly,
I feel sorry for the spider.

Here goes.

Got it.

Perfect.

This should be
more than enough venom.

Ya think?

Well, let's go make
that antidote.

Hey, Bree, you need a towel?

No, it's okay.

I'd rather just stand here
covered in spider goo.

And it went in
my mouth. Okay.

You see, this is
what I'm talking about.

A little family bonding.

Funny how it takes
a giant k*ller spider

going after our loved ones to
remind you what's really important.

Sitting around with
the people you see every day.

Too bad we had to destroy
Spidey.

I'm gonna miss him.

On the bright side,
we're the only people

to make a species extinct twice.

Adam, you look great.

Thanks. You look like
you always do.

Wow, that antidote
worked quickly.

Then why does he still have
a giant boil on his back?

It's just excess fluid.

Should be gone in a few days.

Or I can just pop it right now.

I feel better already.

So do I.

And it went in my mouth.

Hey, guys, check out
this funny-looking egg

that washed up on shore.

- That's a dinosaur egg.
- Oh, boy.

You know, this time, if we
don't give it growth hormones,

- we could...
- Or...

you can get a new hobby.

If you need me,

I'll be in Gettysburg.