02x02 - Cuffs Will Keep Us Together

[bunniefuu]

♪ Yeah, ooh ooh ♪

I hate flag football!

It's just one more sport
where I get picked last.

And you want to know why?

'Cause you stink?

Or 'cause you're pretty

and all the other girls
are jealous?

Nice save.

Ok, look. I know I'm not good,

but I'm not horrible.

Look alive, Stewart.

Uhh!

Ok, I'm horrible.

But you just don't know
what it feels like

to always be the last one picked

because no one
wants to be with...

Stinky Stewart.

Not true. Last year in soccer,

I wasn't picked
till practically the end.

You had a broken collarbone.

And you still got picked
ahead of me.

I just wish one time

some miracle would happen,

and I wouldn't get picked last.

All right.

Palumbo, truscott...

Team captains, pick your team.

Yes! Yes! Yes, yes!

Finally the captain
who'll pick me first!

It doesn't matter
who you pick, truscott.

Your team's going down.

In your dreams, palumbo.

You've been trying
to b*at me at something

since the second grade,

and news flash...
Never gonna happen.

Hey, stinky. How you doing?

Not bad. Hey!

Let's go, ladies.
Pick your teams.

You're slower than my
husband in the bathroom.

Curse the day

he put that
plasma screen in there.

Pick first, truscott.

You're gonna need
all the help you can get.

She's not the one that's going

to need the help. Oh, yeah?

Yeah! Darn right, yeah.

You're going down,
phoney joanie.

Who smells like
week-old Bologna!

That's been in
your locker all aloney.

Right next to that...

That...

Melted ice cream coney.

Ooh, girl! You are in the zoney.

Yo, salt-n-pepa.

You wanna bet on it?

Does she? How about, um...

Winning captain gets to give
losing captain a little haircut?

You're on!

Or... we could bet a quarter,

'cause you know, it's just about

the fun of competition.

No, it's really
about the fun of me

kicking your butt again.

Yeah.

That's it. You're on!

Go ahead, Lilly. Pick away.

Make my day.

Everything is gonna, uh, be ok.

Kowalski. What'd you say?

Wow, isn't it funny

how it always comes down
to the two of us?

Yeah, hilarious.

I hope you don't get
picked last this time.

Yeah, me, too!

Careful! You almost hit
that anthill.

And even these tiny creatures

are very important
to our ecosystem.

Pick your poison, truscott.

You're gonna get a
buzzcut either way.

I pick... Ooh.

Sarah!

Good luck, stinky.

Bye!

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ hot styles, every shoe,
every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're famous ♪

♪ it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you ♪

♪ but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have thought
that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

♪ a true friend ♪

♪ you're here till the end ♪

♪ you pull me aside
when somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ talk to me now
and into the night ♪

♪ till it's all right again ♪

♪ you're a true friend ♪

♪ you're a true friend ♪

I love you all!

I wish I could stay
all night long.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, uh, darlin'...

You're still upset about what
happened with you and Lilly?

No! Of course not.
Why would you say that?

Well, you normally don't
introduce true friend

as a touching little song

about a 2-faced backstabber.

Just my way of keeping
things fresh, you know?

I'm an artist. That's what I do.

Well, I'm a dad, and knowing
that that's a hunk of hooey...

That's what I do.

Am I gonna get another lecture?

Maybe later.

Right now, I gotta get
this dang mustache off.

Lola, be thankful

you don't have to wear
one of these things.

It's itchier
than a baboon's butt

at a flea circus.

Well, look who showed up.

Were all the other
concerts in town sold out?

Because I... I know you

wouldn't have picked mine first,

or second. Or last.

Hey, I was gonna pick you

until you started that
whole haircut thing.

And what's the big deal anyway?

I won!

So you wanna share the trophy?

I couldn't have done it

without your 3 fumbles.

It's a stupid game!

The ball's not even round.

Hannah!

Mwah! Mwah!

Hey, guys. What's up, Traci?

You just get better and better!

I love
the little backstabbing quip.

So funny!

That wasn't about me, was it?

No, no, no, no. Of course not.

I know I can
always count on you.

Oh, come on.

You're not gonna stay
mad at me forever, are you?

I think I'm a little
more mature than that.

So I have 5 seats left
in the limo, so I pick...

Um, you, you, you, and, um...

You.

Let's go.

Wa... that's only four.

Oh, right! I...
I forgot about fern.

Who's fern? My new best friend.

That's a ficus!

That's a ficus named fern.

She's getting the window seat.
Oh, yeah.

Jackson!

What?!

I'm eating over the sink.

That's not a sink.

It's a toxic waste dump.

I've asked you for 3 days
to get these dishes done.

Look at this.

This spinach has hair on it.

That's not spinach.
That's a piece of chicken.

Aah!

Look, dad, I'll get to it.

When? When this stuff
up and crawls away?

You think it could do that?

'Cause that would be so cool!

That's it. I ask you
to do the dishes,

I get green chicken.

I ask you to separate the whites

in the laundry,

and I get green underwear.

Well, what are
you worried about?

Nobody's gonna see 'em.

Unless you do that sunrise yoga

out on the deck again.

Talk about your...

It centers me, boy.

I shouldn't have
to tell you things

over and over again, Jackson.

You're not 10 years old.

Ok, ok! I'm sorry!

No, you're not.

You're just saying that

because you're afraid
I'm gonna ground you.

Oh, come on, dad. I apologized.

You want me to mean it, too?

Yes.

Jackson, I want you to hear me

when I'm talking to you.

But since you never listen,

I'm just not gonna
waste my breath anymore.

What's that supposed to mean?

Dad?

Oh!

The silent treatment.

That's my punishment?

You're gonna stop
telling me what to do?

Sweet!

I mean, I mean, I mean...

That's a very good choice.

Boy, I sure hope I learn.

Even if it takes a week.
A month!

You take your time.

This is important.

The third down about a yard...

Henderson has that...

Dad! Why didn't you tell me

the titans game started?

Head's up!

Oh, right!

Daddy no talk to Jackson.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Vince is out of the pocket!

Go, baby, go! Come on!

No, look, he broke the tackle!

Come on! Come on!
Take it to the house, v-dog!

Oh! Oh!

Touchdown! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Give it to me.

Give it to me!

Come on.

Come on!

Hello?

You're kidding!

That's great! What's great?

Oh, we're tickled pinker

than a pig
in a purple prom dress!

We'll be there!

What pig?

Dad, why are we tickled?

Hey, mile!

Get down here.
I got some great news!

Ok.

Now who's acting like
the 10-year-old?

I'll tell you who.

You, that's who!

Yeah, you!

You little 10-year-old.

Look at you!

Mwah mwah mwah!

Peek-a-you!

Yeah! Yeah! It's you! You!

Look at me.

I'm a great, big 10-year-old.

With big sideburns
and 10-year-old...

You're... you're
the 10-year-old. Yeah!

You're the 10-year-old!
You're the 10-year-old!

You're the... ooh!

It's you!

I'd ask why
Jackson's gone squirrelly,

but then I'd have to pretend
that I actually care.

What's the news?

I just got a call
from Nashville.

Guess what single
just won a silver boot

for best country-pop crossover?

True friend won a Booty?!

You got it!

I can't believe it!

This has always been my dream.

Being on national television,
holding my own Booty.

Well, get ready, darlin'.

Because tomorrow night,
live via satellite,

that dream's coming true!

I'm happy for you, baby.

You know it's a night
you'll never forget.

I know I never get tired
of looking at my own Booty.

This is so awesome!
I have got to go tell...

Lilly.

No!

I have a lot of other
b.F.F.S I could tell.

Well, b.F.S.

Ok, fine! Fs!

Would you stop torturing me?

Answer the phone!

It could be an emergency.

Ok.

Ok! You wanna play har...

You wanna play hardball?

Oh, it's on!

Like soy sauce on a wonton!

You're gonna talk to me.

Yo, Zack, check it out.

Boo-yah. Ha ha.

Awesome!

I know! Oh.

Oliver!

I have amazing news!

So do I. My mom made detective

and gave me her old handcuffs.

Check it out. Huh? Huh?

Yeah, great. Terrific. Whatever.

Ok.

Hannah won a silver boot

for best country-pop crossover.

Why aren't you happy dancing?

Why aren't you happy dancing?

'Cause I'm not a girl.

And guys don't happy dance.

Well, could you at least act

a little more excited?

Well, you weren't
excited for me.

You locked your bike
with handcuffs.

And it's awesome!

Thank you!

You know,
if you want a girl's reaction,

just go make up with Lilly.

I don't need to make up
with Lilly.

I have you.
Now come on, let's go.

Where are we going? Hello?

To get our nails done.

Oh, we... we can't just try

that happy dance thing?

No. Too late. Let's go.

Your mom must be so proud.

Uhh! S-So...

I want it right here.

In big letters.

"I hate dad."

And, uh, put a little
barbed wire around it.

You sure you don't
wanna check out

some of my flower patterns?

Hey, just Barb wire me, baby!

Ok, all right.

We just need some, uh,
parental consent.

No problem.

Hey, dad. If you don't want me

to get a tattoo,

you might wanna speak up.

Jackson! Yeah?

That's it. "President
Andrew blank"...



Ok. Arlo, uh,

needle me.

Heh heh heh.

Yep, I'm really gonna do it.

Even though it's dangerous.

And permanent.

Here it comes!

He's almost breaking skin!

Oh, marmaduke!

You are one funny dog.

Hello? About ready

to get marked for life here.

Ow!

Hold still!

Get away from me
with that thing!

What kind of a father are you?

Hey, look at that.

Crazy dog thinks he can drive.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

You know, the second coat
really made a difference.

I told you. Oh, my gosh.

Don't you think Richard Bruce

has the most amazing eyes?

I know.

And that blue top he's wearing

really makes them pop,

and what am I saying?

Oh! Huh.

Hey, Oliver.
You wanna go surfing?

Yes.

Because I'm a guy.

And guys wanna surf
in deep waters

full of sharks.

You know, big, huge,
nasty guy sharks!

Are you wearing a clear Polish?

It's called buff.

Like me. Let's go.

Oliver, wait, wait, wait!

You can't go with her.

The awards are tonight,

and you have to
help me with my hair.

I won a Booty.

Good. You could use one.

Oh! How rude.

Come on. We're leaving!

And you're coming
with me, Oliver.

No. You're coming with me.

No, tell her you're my friend!

Tell her
you were my friend first!

Tell her to pick
a new friend. Ok.

Guys, could you
please just work this out?

Stay out of it!

Huh!

What... What are you doing?

Staying out of it.

Very funny, Oliver.
Now unlock these things.

No! Not until
you guys work this out.

Oliver, I have
to be at the studio

in 2 hours to do

a live satellite feed,

fine. But if it weren't
for your stupid Booty,

this totally would have worked.

Tell me you didn't lose the key.

I didn't lose the key.

Oliver! Ok, I lost it.

Oh, my mom keeps a spare.

I'll just jump on my bike,
go home and get it.

Someone stole my bike.

Run. Fast!

Ok.

We're doomed. Why?

His house is that way.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, dad! Hey, hey!

Do you remember 2 years ago
when I spilled that soda?

And you told me to clean it up,

and I totally ignored you?

Well, look who's mopping now!

And... and... and look.
I did the dishes.

And I cleaned the bathroom,

and I cleaned my room,

and I did the laundry
and nothing's green.

Plus, I made you
this chocolate cake.

Dad, please, I promise
I'll do whatever you ask

the first time you ask...
Second tops...

Because I mean,
I'm still just a kid.

But I'm a kid who misses

the sound of his daddy's voice.

Please?

It's got pudding in the middle.

Chocolate or vanilla.

Actually, it's pistachio...

Oh! You talked to me!

You finally talked to me.

That's because even though
I didn't say anything,

you finally heard me.

Yeah, I did. Loud and clear.

Jackson, that's all
a parent ever wants.

That and grandkids.

Now?

Don't worry.
No rush on that one.

♪ Ooh ♪

What is taking Oliver so long?

What do you expect? It's Oliver.

Now would you stop pacing?

Would you stop sitting?

No. Fine!

Whoo!

Man! You owe me an apple.

Would you keep it down?
I'm on the phone!

Hey, Oliver, where are you?

Oh, great.

Just... just meet us
down at the studio.

Ok, Oliver has to go
down to the police station

and get the key from his mom,

and I've got to get ready.

Not until you buy me
another apple.

Forget about the apple.

Help me get ready,
and you can keep

any 3 Hannah outfits
you want, ok?

What about shoes?

One pair. Two.

Nothing Italian.

Fine.

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

Ok, this may be
harder than we thought.

Yeah. Let's go change. Ok.

Ahh!

Ok, this is definitely
not an improvement.

Ugh! Your feet stink!

Yeah? How do you like them now?

Uhh! Ugh!

It's a little tight,
but I think it may work.

Let's go take
a look in the mirror.

Uhh! Oh! Oh, goodness!

Oh! Lovely.

♪ Yeah, yeah yeah yeah ♪

Oh, look at that,

I knew you two couldn't
stay mad at each other.

Oh yeah. We're closer than ever.

You wanna tell me
how this happened?

Well, Oliver thought...

Oh, sweet niblets,

I wish that boy
would stop doing that.

Well, none of this
would have happened

if you would have
just picked me.

Yeah, I'm not the one who
gave a limo ride to a plant.

At least if fern was
playing flag football,

she would have just picked me.

It's a ficus!

Named fern!

You could not
pay me enough money

to be a teenage girl.

I've got the key,
I've got the key.

Oh, thank you.

You're live in one
minute, Ms. Montana.

Get 'er done, son.

Carrie Underwood is on stage,

announcing Hannah's won
the award right now.

I haven't even thought about
what I'm going to say yet.

Well, lucky for you, I did.

All you gotta do is
read the teleprompter,

your daddy's thought
of everything.

Except the key breaking.

Uh-oh. I hate when
he says "uh-oh!"

Yeah, it's almost as bad
as when he thinks.

Live in 30 seconds. Oh, boy.

Gee, I wonder what's
gonna happen now.

"Gee, I wonder what's
gonna happen now."

I have an idea!

No!

Normally I'd agree,
but this is a good one.

Accepting her award live
from Los Angeles,

Hannah Montana!

Thank you so much

for this incredible honor.

And it means even more,
knowing that it's coming

from the good folks
at Nashville,

the place that I'm proud
to call my hometown.

Hooray, Nashville!

I only wish that
I could be there in person

to tell you how I truly feel.

Um... This is my special wave.

To grandma! Hi, grandma!

Bye, grandma.

Every time that I hear
true friends,

it always makes me think

about... about real friendship.

Sorry. Had a little
something in my teeth.

All better.

As I was saying,
friendship means a lot to me.

In fact, this song
was inspired by my...

My best friend.

She's been with me
through everything,

and even though
sometimes we fight...

We know we'll always
get through it,

because, well,
we love each other.

Nothing says it better
than this song.

True friends will go
to the ends of the earth

till they find
the things you need.

Friends hang on through
the ups and the downs...

Bless you...

'Cause they've got
someone to believe in.

Thank you for believing in me,

and thank you for this award.

I love you all. Good night!

I'm sorry. Me, too!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Aww. Aww.

Let's go, ladies,
pick your teams.

You're slower than my
husband in the bathroom.

You said that last week.

I know. Now he's got
a mini-fridge in there.

I think he's hiding from me.

I could never imagine why.

Ok, I pick joanie.

Hey, you could have
bet a quarter.

I pick Lilly.

If you pick me,
you have to pick Miley, too.

I don't want to pick her.

I don't care.
Wherever I go, she goes.

Yeah. We're kind
of a package deal.

Fine, I'll take
Lilly and stinky.

Told you it would work.
Now unlock us.

I thought you had the key.

Aw, man!

Think fast!