02x10 - Achy Jakey Heart" (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

I'm Hannah Montana.

Jake?

Jake?

Leslie?

Uh, just give me a second, ok?

If it helps, you're
doing better than Oliver.

He fainted when I told him.

Jake Ryan doesn't faint.

Leslie, on the other
hand, is a little woozy.

Listen.

If you're gonna be mad,
don't be mad at Miley.

She wanted to tell you, but...

But what? Hannah
wouldn't let her?

Well, you know.
She's a pop star.

You know how they can be.

Total divas. I
try to avoid them.

So, it's just the


I mean, you're not also
the Dixie chicks are you?

No. Just Miley and Hannah.



Well, if that's the case, then,

I think you're
both pretty great.

Really?

Really.

Oh, man! Paparazzi!

They follow me everywhere!

I think they're following me.

You know, uh, big
movie about to open?

Hello? Millions of
albums already sold!

Ok, we'll just go ask them then.

No! Whoa!

You're not dating Hannah,
you're dating Miley!

You can't get caught
cheating on me with me!

Huh?

Keep up, movie star.
Ain't rocket science.

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ hot styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're famous ♪

♪ it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you ♪

♪ but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

♪ yeah, hey, yeah ♪

helicopters,

movie stars,

forbidden love...
It's all so romantic.

It would be even more romantic

if you would chew
with your mouth closed.

So when you told
him you were Hannah,

he didn't faint?

Not once?

Nope. Steady as a rock.

All man.

Well, uh... uh, so am I.

I just hadn't eaten that day.

You know what the best part is?

Now I can finally
be myself with a guy.

No more secrets,

just a normal
boy-girl relationship.

Why don't y'all take a picture?

It'll last longer!

Hello, people! It's
just an expression!

Miley, relax. Just ignore them.

Why don't I get us some drinks?

Ok.

Wow. I'm kinda thirsty.

You want, uh, water,
fruit juice, or ice tea?

Are you sure you're not
mad I made us leave early?

That's ok. It gives
us more time to...

Who wants lemonade?

Say hi to your dad!

Yes, sir. Sweet lemonade.

Refreshing, and as
close to puckering

as anybody's gonna
get around here.

Excuse me, Jake.

Daddy, could I talk
to you in private?

Sure, darlin'.

Listen, dad, um...

I don't know how
to tell you this...

Go away!

Ok. I can take a hint.

I'm gonna step out and let
you kids have a little chat.

But just remember...

The heating ducts have ears.

I swear.

We'll never be alone.

We are now.

No, we're not.

Right, dad?

Right, bud!

Don't worry, Miley.

Your dad's just being
a responsible parent,

and I admire him for that.

It won't work,
boy, but nice try!

It's not my nosy, annoying dad

I'm worried about.

It's your fans.

They wouldn't leave
us alone all night.

Come on. Fans are
just a part of the territory.

I thought Hannah Montana
would be used to that.

She is, but Miley isn't.

That's the reason I
made up the secret.

So I could go out in the
world like a normal person.

And that's kinda hard to
do when you're dating me.

A little bit.

Does this help?

A little bit!

How 'bout a little bit more?

I'm not hearing any chatting.

Aah!

Sonny, this cheese
jerky is fantastic.

You have to give me the recipe!

Oh, sorry, ma'am.

My mom's jerky and
his dad's cheese recipe,

they're top secret.

But I am a grandmother.

You can trust me.

You know,

we would, but we
weren't born yesterday.

And neither was this baby.

Coochie, coochie, coo... Rico!

This isn't over!

That cheese jerky will be mine!

Waa-ha-ha-ha!

Vamanos, abuelita.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh, man, it's packed.

This is gonna be a disaster.

No, it's not. If Oliver orders

the chili dog pizza again,

we'll just sit by the window.

Actually, I'm not hungry.
I'm all cheese jerky-ed up.

Which brings us right
back to the window!

Stop worrying about Oliver.

I'm thinking about Jake.

No matter where
we go, it's like a zoo...

The beach, the movies, the mall.

Everybody just does this...

Ok, that's creepy.

Oh, and by the way, easy on
the liner. Lookin' a little trampy.

She look very nice to me.

Thanks.

Appreciate it. But
I have a boyfriend.

Big coincidencey, 'cause
I have American girlfriend.

And her name is Miley.

Weirdo say what?

Miley, it's me.

Jake? Jake? Jake?

Shh!

It's milos. You like?

Look.

Now I'm just a regular guy.
I'm a nobody, like Oliver.

Brilliant!

Hey!

You did this for me?

I did this for us.

Aw.

You're so sweet.

But could you please be
sweet without the accent?

I don't like.

If it makes you happy, sure.

I'm just a normal guy with
normal friends eating normal pizza.

Excuse me, people.
I'm ready to order.

Hey!

Hey, buddy, who
do you think you are?

Uh, well, actually, I'm j...

Just a normal guy.

And here in normalville, we take a
normal number and wait our normal turn.

Oh, right. No sweat.

I did this in an
episode of zombie high.

Haunted deli... Take
a number and wait...

To die.

So, what number are we?



Number 6!

Are you kidding me?

Milos!

Oh, sorry. Got it.

Normal people wait. I'll wait.

This is endless!

Yo, let's go.

Look like milos has
a little bit of temper.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

Uhh.

How do people
do this? It's agony.

How... how long
have we been here?

Well, in one minute,

it'll be exactly a
minute and a half.

Thanks for letting me
cut in front of you, sweetie.

My boyfriend just
got his tonsils out.

He can barely talk.

Honey?

What's taking so long?

Did I say tonsils?

I meant kidney.

My mom has a taser.

Ok, then. Bye.

There you go. Just
what you ordered.

Is it all better now?

Totally.

And doesn't it taste much better
knowing that you had to wait for it?

Not really.

You know, this ice cream
is making me thirsty.

Ohh, boy.

I said, this ice cream

is making me th...

Normal people
get their own water.

Really?

Ohh. Thanks, kid.
See you at the movies.

Mommy!

Run! Why?

Soccer mom with a taser.

I've never felt this way before.

And I know you've only been
in my life for a short time, but...

Heck, I'm just gonna say this.

I love you. That's right.

I love you, super-secret
cheese jerky recipe.

Silly, silly boy.

Aah!

Ahh.

Well, as long as I'm here...

Ohh. Man, that's good.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ whoa, whoa ♪

Ohh, what a rush!

All night, and no
one recognized me.

I gotta admit, I
wasn't really sure

if I could do this
whole "normal" thing.

I mean, I've been famous since I
was the face of wonder diapers...

The only diaper
endorsed by astronauts.

D-did I tell you that already?

You might have
mentioned it once or twice.

Or 30 times.

Anyway, it was a great night...

Except for this wig.

It was worse than the
one I wore on teen bigfoot.

The only thing
bigger than his foot...

Was his heart. Was his heart!

It still gets to me.

It's getting to all of us.

Where can I take this wig off?

Upstairs... First
door on the left.

Ok. Be right back.

Can't wait.

Uh, Miley,

we don't exactly know
how to tell you this...

Jake's horrible. Yeah,
that's pretty much it.

I don't understand.

I mean, Hannah
Montana's a star, too,

but underneath
Hannah is a real person.

And underneath Jake
is... uh, more Jake?

I really liked him.

How could I not see this?

Miley, none of us
saw it. Come on.

It's the first real time you
guys have spent together.

Now that I have... Yeow!

So, what are you gonna do?

Learn to love his flaws?

Right.

Like the adorable way he
steals water from little girls.

I have to break up
with him, don't I?

I think so.

What if he gets mad?
He could tell your secret.

Guys, come on.
Jake's a lot of things.

But he's not evil.

I'll tell you what.

Next time you people
give me an itchy wig,

I'll spread the word and
put you out of business.

People try to mess
with Jake Ryan,

Jake Ryan plays hardball.

So, what did I miss?

Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

Guys, come on.
Let's watch me on TV.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ yeah, ooh, ooh ♪

Look how cute Jake is.

Why did you have to
talk and ruin everything?

Ok. I have been thinking
about your problem.

And I got a couple
ideas how to fix it.

This isn't gonna be
something stupid like...

Move to Peru, is it?

No!

Please tell me you don't have

"face transplant" on there, too.

Heh. Well, I wasn't... Fine.

And now I have to go to
another premiere with him

and act like he's not the most
obnoxious person I've ever met.

I just wish I could find a way
to get him to break up with me.

I know. He'd break
up with you in a second

if you were half as
obnoxious as he is.

Lilly! You're a genius!

Ohh, thank you!

Wait... was this about the
Peru or the face transplant?

Peru.

I knew it! I just...
sometimes...

Oh, sorry, folks.

We're all sold out.

But don't worry.

Come back tomorrow.
There will be plenty more.

Yep. That's right, rico.

I'm turning 'em away.

And look...

It's raining money. Yeah.

I can't watch this anymore.

Wait, wait! Look, look, look!

I'm rolling in money!

Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mwa... what you doin'?

Laughing like rico
and rolling in money.

You should try
doing it. It's fun.

Oh, cool. Oh, but first.

My mom gave me the receipts

for all the supplies she
bought, and we gotta settle up.

Please tell me
the big one's for us.

You might want to look away.

Make it quick.

Jackson... just go!

Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-ha...

And here comes Jake Ryan

with his not-famous
girlfriend milky!

Uh, it's Miley.

Anyway, how does it feel

to be a regular girl
dating a big star?

Hang on, bri. I
got a throat itch.

Unh! Ohh!

Oh, yeah. Much
better. You were saying?

Wow, Jake. This one's a keeper.

Oh, man, these lights are warm.

I'm just gonna air myself out.

Bam!

Ho ho ho!

I guess we know what happened
to the ugly duckling. Eww.

Heh heh heh.

Maybe we should just go inside.

Oh, that's a good idea.

But first, I gotta... Ohh, yeah.

That feels nice.

Yeow. Anybody got a lawn mower?

There's a breeze in
pitts-burgh if you catch my drift.

Put your arms down.

Why?

Ohh. Aw, man.
That's embarrassing.

I meant to braid those.

Oh, my gosh. Uh, I just forgot.

We forgot to feed
the cat. Let's go home.

You don't have a
cat, you silly goose.

Maybe we can build
one... Out of your armpits.

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ oh ♪

Whew.

Jake...

You haven't said a word
the whole ride home.

Did I do something wrong?

Stop it, ok? I know
exactly what you're doing.

You do?

Yeah, of course I
do. I'm not an idiot.

Ok, fine.

Maybe I went about
it the wrong way, but...

little miss Hannah
Montana can't handle it

when it's all about Jake Ryan.

What?!

Yeah. You'll do anything
to steal my spotlight.

Face it. You're jealous of me.

Jealous of you...
why, yes, I am.

I am a jealous egomaniac and
you should dump me right now!

You know what? I'll
make it easier on you.

Good-bye.

I'm not gonna break up with you.

Miley, we can get through this.

You'll learn to not be jealous,

just like I learned
to be a normal guy.

Oh, sweet niblets.

You don't know
what a normal guy is.

What are you talking about?

Ok, maybe I'm not
normal on the outside.

But inside beats the
heart of a kid just like you.

That's from teen bigfoot.

So?

So?

That's exactly what
I'm talking about.

Normal people don't say things

that other people
wrote for them.

Normal people don't
steal water from little girls.

Excuse me if I didn't know that.

Ok? The only reason I
did this stupid normal thing

was for you.

You know what? I'm out of here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Being normal's not stupid.

It lets me have real friends

and it reminds me that
I'm just like everybody else.

And you like that?

I love that. And I
thought you did, too.

Remember when we met?

You said that sometimes
you wish you had a normal life.

Where's that guy?

That's the guy I
want for my boyfriend,

not this.

So, how was the movie...

Good night, nurse nickel,
what are you wearing?

Daddy, not now.

I ain't seen that many feathers

since your uncle Earl and aunt
Pearl had their annual pillow fight.

Well, if you didn't want to
go out with me anymore,

why didn't you just tell me?

Instead of going all woolly
mammoth at the premiere?

Because I was afraid
that if I dumped you,

you'd get so upset
and you'd... What?

Tell your secret?

Well, if that's the kind
of guy you think I am,

then maybe I will
tell your secret.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ oh ♪

Here you go, darlin.'

fudge ripple is like a
heartbreak air bag...

Doesn't stop the hurting,
but it sure cushions the blow.

I don't get it.

I lie to my boyfriend
and feel horrible.

I tell him the truth and
it blows up in my face.

Maybe I should just
give up guys for good.

Oh, honey, not for
good. Just until I'm dead.

Heh.

Hey, don't be so
hard on yourself.

It wasn't the truth or the
lies that caused all this.

It was the boy. He
just wasn't the right one.

I guess you're right.

But you know what's weird?

Now that Jake's
gonna blow my secret,

I don't know which one
I'm gonna miss more...

My normal life

or the guy I thought Jake was.

Well, honey, no
matter what happens,

we're gonna make
it through this.

We always do.

At least I know one big, handsome
guy who will always love me.

Who dat? Oh, me.

Hello? Back here.

Delivery for Miley Stewart?

Really? Thanks.

Now, who would be
sending you flowers?

"Dear Miley,

"I thought about what
you said, and you're right.

"I do wish I was a
normal person sometimes.

"I just don't know
how to do that yet.

"But when I figure it out,

"I hope I'll be worthy of
someone as terrific as you.

"And don't worry. Your secret
will always be safe with me.

Love, Leslie."

Who in the Sam heck is Leslie?

A friend... A very good friend.

Well, let's hope it's
not another actor.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

What are you doing here?

What are you talking
about? I work here.

But I fired you. No, you didn't.

Sure, I did. And then
you opened that shack.

What shack?

But it was right over...

and you and Oliver,
and cheese jerky,

and I was in a baby stroller.

Yeah.

It's gonna be ok. Let
me take you home.

But you rolled in
money. Sure I did.