02x18 - That's What Friends Are For?

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Hey, great things are happening

here at the united people's
relief telethon thanks to you

and to our amazing volunteers.

Look who we have
with us this hour,

teen pop sensation
Hannah Montana.

And Mikayla.

I wish you could feel
the love in this room.

I still hate you.

Hate makes you ugly.

Oops. Too late.

Well, let's see how we're doing.

That is so generous.

I have a pledge for $300, Colin.

Outstanding.

I just got 400.

And I've got tears in my eyes.

We'll be right back
but you keep calling.

Hey, what's up. It's
Hannah Montana.

What would you like to give?

I'd like to give you
singing lessons.

Just heard your
new single. Ouch.

Well, I just heard yours
and I thought it was fantastic.

Really?

Yeah. My brother
at some bad catfish,

so we played it for
him to induce vomiting.

It was like bam! Instant puke!

Has-been.

Never was. Bottle blonde.

Lip-syncher. Bra stuffer.

Aah!

I hate you. Like I care.

We're back in 3, 2...

I'll tell you what
I'd like to stuff.

My knuckles up her nose!

Miles, don't let her
push your buttons.

She's not worth it.

You're right. My life
is complicated enough.

The last thing I
need is more drama.

Hey, Miley.

Hello, drama.

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ hottest styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're
famous, it can be kinda fun ♪

♪ it's really you, but
no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that
it's the best of both worlds

Jake.

What a surprise.

Wow.

Awkward.

Anywho...

why don't we, um... Uh... Um...

go inside?

That could work.

Come in, Jake.

Oh, man. He wants to
get back together with me.

Don't you dare leave
me alone with him.

Why would I leave
my little sister

when she and her ex
are gonna talk about

relationships and feelings

and blah-biddy blah-biddy blah.

You two kids have fun.

Hi.

You look great.

Oh, boy.

Listen, Miley, I,
uh... I know, I know.

You haven't been
able to forget about me.

Your life feels
empty without me.

You see my face
everywhere you look

and you've come back to say...

I just want to be friends.

Big blonde sack
of drama say what?

I've been thinking about it,

and just because things
didn't work out between us

doesn't mean we can't
still be in each other's lives.

So... you're not into me at all?

Not even a little bit?

I mean, come on, it's only
been a couple fo months.

What are you, made of stone?

Miley, if this is
too hard for you...

For me? Oh, puh...
Are you kidding.

I was worried about you.

I mean, this is so great.

I would love to be friends.

Oh, yeah, this
is... This is great.

Great. It's perfect.

Whoa, ho ho!

Looks like somebody
got up on the wrong side

of the hamster
wheel this morning.

The water's out at my house

and I haven't
showered in two days.

So? We're guys. We're not
supposed to shower every day.

That's what magazine
Cologne samples are for.

Or car air fresheners.

You put a couple of
these in your pockets,

and you're good for 4-6 weeks.

Oh, like you've never done it.

Here, dude, try this.

Ew! What kind
of Cologne is this?

It's not. I spilled pickle
juice on it an hour ago.

Hoo hoo! You just got po'd.

Po'd!

Ha ha!

You think this is funny?

Yeah, hence the laughter.

Dude, get over it.
It's only two days.

I wish. The plumber said
our water's gonna be out

for at least a week.

What am I gonna do?

Grow up and release
your inner man stink.

Your pits.

Easy for you to say.

I bet you guys free
hot dogs for a month

that you guys can't
go without showering...

Or changing your clothes

until they turn
my water back on.

Free... Hot dogs...

Oh... You are so on!

It's gonna be like taking
candy from a stanky baby.

Now, wait, wait.

If we lose, what do we get?

The satisfaction of looking
at you guys and saying,

what? ha ha!

Oh!

Oh, did I mention I haven't
brushed my teeth either?

Yeah, we kind
of figured that out.

Dude, I think I got
some in my mouth.

Oh...

And we're back on
"wake up, it's Wendy"

with former zombie slayer

and current teen screen
sensation, Jake Ryan!

Now, isn't he just yummy?

Isn't he? Isn't he? He is.

So, Jake, you're back in town.

You're here to sh**t
a couple of scenes

from your new movie

"Roger buck, intergalactic
bounty hunter."

Woo-woo-woo!

You better put
your phasers on fun.

Ha ha!

Tell us all about it.

Right? Tell us. Tell us.

Ok, all right, well, first,

I'm really glad to
have a few days in L.A.

Before we go to Antarctica
to do the rest of the movie.

You know, it gives me a
chance to spend some time

with some really good friends.

You hear that?

Great friends.

That's me.

There is no way you and
heartbreak Jake can be friends.

Yes, we can.

You know what? I
think being friends

is the best thing that's
ever happened to us.

I mean, we can finally hang out

without any of that
relationship junk.

It's so simple. No
more insecurity

or anger or jealousy.

Uh-huh.

And I'm so excited to introduce

the intergalactic alien babe

that I'll be kissing
for the next 8 weeks.

Put your hands together for
my beautiful co-star Mikayla!

What?

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Well, that's our show for today.

We're gonna see you tomorrow

when your alarm
clock will ring and say...

Wake up, it's Wendy!

And we're out.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for having us.

Oh, you're welcome.
You're very welcome.

Yes, you are. Oh, yes, you are.

Wendy, you don't have to yell.

We're right here.

Oh, I know. It
takes me 20 minutes

after every show to
stop talking like this.

It does. It really
does. It really does.

Hey, so what did you think?

You were great.

That big announcement...

Boy, was that...
Great and... And big!

Didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, I thought about
asking, you know,

Hannah Montana to
play my love interest,

but I didn't want to do anything
that might risk the new friendship.

A little late for
that, pretty boy.

So you went with Mikayla
instead of asking me

because you didn't want
to risk our new friendship?

Exactly. I mean, how
awkward would that be?

The alien babe and I kiss from
one end of the universe to the other.

It's like every single scene,

kissed, get kissed, get kissed.

I got it.

Miley, I mean, you're
not jealous, are you?

Are you kidding?
I'm happy for you,

friend.

Pal.

Amigo!

Ow!

You get any happier,
you're gonna break my arm.

Hey, Jake.

And I know who you are.

You do?

Of course. You're
Jake's ex-girlfriend.

Right. We never met or anything.

Or worked together or anything.

Lilie.

Well, you haven't.

Excuse me, Mr. Ryan.

There's a couple of
guys from the crew

who were wondering if they
could get a picture with you.

Well, I'm not gonna
say no to that.

I just want you to know
how amazing I think you are.

Really?

Of course.

I could never watch
my ex-boyfriend

smacking on another girl
and stay friends with him.

Well, it's true.

I am amazing. And
it's just a movie, right?

Well, I sure hope not.

I mean, come on,
he's beyond cute.

I can't believe you dumped him.

Yep, she's just
a little dumpster.

So you're really into him?

Are you kidding?

I'm already working on
our celebrity couple names.

Right now it's between
Jakayla and mikake.

Too bad you're not old
enough for a Donald Tr*mp.

You could be old mikdonald.

Ha ha!

Ha ha! Ha ha!

Ha... Oh, hey, you're funny.

Man, that's too bad
you're not famous, too.

We could've been
such good friends.

It had to be Mikayla?

Relax. So what
if she's into him?

He may not even like her.

Are you kidding?

Two months in Antarctica?

You're cold, you're lonely,

and your snuggle options
are between a penguin and her.

Do the math.

So go warn him.

I can't.

If I tell him that
I hate Mikayla,

he'll think it's
because I'm jealous.

But you do hate her
and you are jealous.

I am not jealous! Oh!

I am his friend.

And as his friend,

it's my job to get
Mikayla fired off that set

before they start sharing
mukluks in Antarctica.

Please tell me your
plan doesn't involve me.

Oh, boy.

Come on.

Here's your lunch, boy.

Come on, dad. This is stupid.

Can I come back
in the house now?

No way.

You smell worse than
that week-old sardine

uncle Earl found in his fat fold

when he was
looking for the remote.

Come on.

Just a little man funk.

What are you afraid of?

Poor little guy.

Went right through
the stink zone.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh ♪

Oh, hey, guys. Hey,
thanks for coming by?

No problem.

We just wanted to wish you
luck on your first day of filming

'cause, you know,
that's what friends do.

They're there for each other.

They support each other.

So where's Mikayla?

Uh, in makeup. Why?

Oh, we just wanted
to wish her luck.

It's not like we're here to
get her fired or anything.

That's crazy talk.

Well, good luck. Break
a leg. Gotta go. Bye.

You stink under pressure.

Then stop putting
me under pressure.

Listen, you flunky,

Mikayla demanded extra
cashews in her trail mix.

And if there isn't a
boatload of curvy nuts

in her dressing room pronto,

you're gonna be looking
for a new alien babe, ok?

I don't like cashews.

I know, but I do.

Mikayla, hi.

Oh, great, look, fans.

Ha ha! Security!

I thought this was a closed set!

It's ok, margo. These
are Jake's friends.

Oh, ho! Hi. It's so
nice to meet ya!

Oh!

What?!

Listen, mister,
we had a contract,

and it is legally binding.

If I get home and your
bedroom is not clean,

you can forget about allowance.

Ok, bye-bye.

So, guys, what do you
think of my costume?

Don't I look fabulous?

Oh, and check this out.

Kiss me, Roger bucks,
as if the fate of the galaxy

depended on it, because it does.

That is so cool.

You know who would
like that? Johnny Depp.

Yeah, and he's right outside.

What?

Yeah, we were
just talking to him,

and he said he really
wanted to meet you.

He did? He did.

He did? He did!

Come on, let's go!

Say hi to Johnny for me!

Johnny?

Wait. He's not out here.

Huh. Too bad.

See ya, sucker!

Phase one complete.

Commencing phase two.

Hey, consider yourselves lucky.

At least you can
run away from it.

That's close enough.

Hey, you showered.

You're clean.

We won! Yeah, baby!

Oh! Ohh!

Congratulations. Have a hot dog.

Yeah. The first of many.

So, rico,

when did your water go back on?

It was never off.

What?

And now, thanks
to your man stink,

I'm the only sweet-smelling
guy within miles of this place.

And you're happy
about that because...

Excuse me. I'm looking
for the photo sh**t.

Oh, the one for the...
Swimsuit calendar?

Let me walk you over.

Oh, girls, it's this way.

He's so cute!

Oh, you set us up.

It was like taking candy
from two stanky babies.

Shall we?

Ew...

♪ Oh, yeah, whoa, whoa ♪

Are you sure this is gonna work?

It will. As soon as I'm
done being Mikayla,

she's gonna be mik-fired.

You are so evil. Like
you really are Mikayla.

Thank you. Ha ha!

Oh, wow, Mikayla,
you look great.

That'd make one of us.

What?

Oh, and I have to kiss you.

Well, I guess that's
why they call it acting.

Look, I know you're nervous,

but it would really help me
if you stop slamming me.

And it would really help
me if you were better-looking.

Ok, seriously...

Ok, kids, now, in this scene,

you have just discovered

lord zordac's cloning chamber.

Ok?

It's tense, it's romantic,

and I know they're not real,

but these little bug-eyed things

are kind of giving
me the heebie jeebies.

Yah!

Ok, let's sh**t this sucker
and tail out of here, ok?

And action.

We've got two minutes
to destroy these clones.

But don't worry,
Roger bucks has a plan.

Ha. I hope it includes
an acting coach.

That was pitiful.

Cut. Wha... ♪ yeah, yeah ♪

And... action.

We may never get out of here,

so let me say this
now and say it quick.

I don't care if your mother
was a rainbow trout.

Hold that thought.

Ah, I got to take this.

No, I'm not busy.
What's going on?

Cut!

Ok, quick, throw me
the forian crystals.

You got two hands,
get them yourself.

What?

Cut!

What is wrong with you?

Those aren't the lines.

They're better than the
garbage in this script.

Who wrote this, a
monkey with a computer?

Ah ha ha!

I wrote it.

Yeah, we would have been
better off with the monkey.

Ah!

[Imitates monkey]

Mikayla, sweetheart,
what are you doing?

I told you you couldn't act like
a jerk until your second movie!

Then what's your excuse?

Oh, yeah. I went there.

Mikayla?

Mikayla!

Listen, pop star, one more
of your little diva moves,

and you're gonna
be off this movie.

Good to know.

What are you doing?

W-Whoa!

Hey! Turn it off!

Turn it up? Ok.

No!

Aah!

Oh, off!

Oh, I want her fired!

Took you long enough.

Get your hands off me!

I'm the star of this movie!

Ah!

Don't listen to her!
She's a... a real alien! Ah!

Told you I'm bad at this.

Mikayla?

Yeah.

Miley?

Oh, goody goblets.

Miles, you must have known Jake
was gonna find out sooner or later.

What in the world
were you thinking?

That Mikayla would get fired,

no one would believe her story,

and Jake would spend two months

snuggling with a
penguin in Antarctica.

I had to ask.

Dad, I'm sorry.

Hey, I appreciate that,

but you know, I'm not the
one you need to apologize to.

Sure, now he leaves
me alone with a boy.

I cannot believe what you did.

I guess I kind of ruined
the friendship thing, huh?

Well, you sure didn't
do it a whole lot of good.

Miley, if you were jealous, why
didn't you just say something?

I was not jealous. Oh, Miley.

Ok, fine, I was.

Man, I mean, you don't
want to be a couple,

and when I try to be friends,

you almost wreck my movie.

What am I gonna do with you?

I don't know. Maybe we should
just forget about each other!

Maybe we should!

Fine! Fine!

Ok, this isn't working for me.

Me neither.

Look, last time, you were the
one with some growing up to do.

Now it's my turn.

But if I promise not to
wreck another movie,

can we try to be friends again?

I'd like that.

Me, too.

This isn't helping
the friendship thing.

Oh. Couldn't agree more.

Great work today, sweetie.

Seriously, changed my life.

Mikayla.

Security!

No, no, no!

We're here to apologize.

I was jealous and
stupid, and I'm sorry.

And I'm just a sidekick who
needs to learn how to say no.

Wait a second.

Truth is, if I
still liked a guy,

I would have done
the same thing.

Really?

Well, I would have
done it a little better,

but I appreciate the attempt.

That was surprisingly
nice of you.

You know what? I don't
care if you're not famous.

I'm gonna let you be my friend.

Cool.

Oh, sorry, not you.

Really, Mikayla,
you don't have to.

Oh, my goodness, this
is gonna be so much fun.

We can do all
my favorite things:

shop, get our nails done,

and talk about how much
I hate Hannah Montana.

Let's start now!

Yay! Help me!