04x13 - Wherever I Go

[bunniefuu]

Oh, look how cute I was.

Oh, yeah, you were cute, too.

This is going to look so
adorable at our college dorm.

Lilly, college is not all
about decorating your room.

It's about getting an education
and expanding your mind.

Now, with that being said,
which one of these fake glasses

makes me look more higherly educated?

This one? Or... this one?

Miley, if you're going to be using the
phrase "more higherly educated" at Stanford

you're goma need more than
fake glasses to pull it off.

Oh, Lillian,
you loquacious provocateur.

Just admit it, I look scary smart.

No, you just look scary scary.

You really think you're goma get away
with fake glasses for four years?

Of course not. The second year
I'll have fake contacts,

third year, fake laser eye surgery

and the fourth year I'll probably
have to get one eye redone,

so that'll give me a week
to get a really cute eye patch.

You just always have to
have a secret, don't ya?

And your faithful Hamah
wig isn't even cold yet?

Shame on you.

Whoa! Who's that intelligent-looking
college girl over there?

Oh, well, that would be me.

Your daughter is the pathological liar

wearing the fake glasses.

Oh, yeah? Says the girl that told Oliver
she never kissed anybody before...

It made him feel special!

Well, lookie here. Somebody's thoughtful
daddy got them a Stanford sweatshirt.

Thought you might want to wear it tomorrow
when you head up for orientation.

Oh, Dad this is...

...returnable, right?

What are you talking
about? It's perfect.

Oh, yeah, if you want me
to look like a shapeless lump.

If you put the hood up, you
couldn't even tell I'm a girl.

Like I said, it's perfect.

Now, Lilly, why don't you get yours on.
I'll take a picture of my two college girls.

Or... I could just,
you know, get in there with her.

Oh, yeah? See what happens
the next time

you want to borrow my car up in Stanford.

Oh, really?
What are you goma do?

Hide it in your sweatshirt?

Zing!

- Hello?
- I gotta get outta this thing.

Like I said, guys, Miley is not interested

in doing any movie right now.

Yeah, I'm going to college, and
no movie's goma change that.

Well, listen, it doesn't matter to
her that Tom Cruise is her costar.

You tell Mr. Spielberg
I said thanks but no thanks.

Oversized-sweatshirt-buying Daddy who just
said three-time Academy Award-wiming

director/producer of Jaws, Jurassic Park, E.
T., Men in Black One and Two

wants me to star in his
next big blockbuster

opposite of Mission: Impossible
hunky hunk Tom Cruise, say what?

Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You get the limo
out front ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Hottest styles
Every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you
but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought
that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double
as a superstar ♪

Whooo!

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out Take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together
and you know ♪

♪ That it's the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Ooh, whaa, ooh, whaa, oh ♪

Miley, are you actually thinking about
calling back and taking this movie?

Of course not.

Why don't I believe you?

Because I'm lying through my
crooked-yet-uniquely-charming teeth.

Come on, Dad. It's Steven
"Phone home" Spielberg.

The greatest director of our time.

OK, all right. Time for that picture of
me and my roomie in her roomy sweatshirt.

See what I did there?
That's college humor.

Here you go. I can't believe
we're goma do this.

I am so proud of you. I mean,
you gave up this secret,

and you put your entire career on hold
just so we can go to college together.

I mean, who does that?
I don't know if I could do that.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, you're not just
my best friend, you are my hero.

You here that, Mile?
You're her hero.

Take the dang picture, Dad.

Let me see.

Aw, that's goma look
so cute in the collage.

I gotta e-mail it to Oliver
because I look cute.

Oh. Yeah, you do, too.

Eh.

Well, bud, looks like you're
in a bit of a pickle.

What do you want me to do? Call
back Spielberg or let it go?

Mile?

I want this part more than
anything else in the world

but if it means disappointing
Lilly, I can't do it.

'Cause I'm her hero.

Unless...

...you insist that I take a year
off of college to do this movie

because, you know, you are my
daddy and... daddies know best.

Honey, I could never tell you
not to go to college.

It's gotta be your decision
and yours alone.

Fine. I'll be a good friend
and go to college with Lilly.

You know, the closer I get to


Honey, as long as you wear this
boy-repellent sweatshirt I got you,

you can call me any names you want to.

Wow. Who's this from?

Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise.

Oh, boy.

"Hey Miley, Steven and I really
want you to do the movie.

Hope the script and the muffin
will convince you. Love, Tom."

"PS, this card will
self-destruct in five seconds."

Yeah, right.

♪ Oh, hey ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Not another kids' party?

They clutter up my pier,
they block my customers...

Parents are always asking you if
you need help finding your mommy.

That's fumy. And you know
what's fumier, my new policy.

No shirt, no shoes...

...no Jackson.

I don't have time for your petty
little games, you petty little man.

I have a job to get to.

You have a job?
Doing what?

Stewart...

...you're up.

Oh, no, you're doing kids' parties now?

Do they string you up like a piñata and
smack you until you spit out candy?

No, I don't spit out candy.

I spit out knowledge.

It's my job to educate and enlighten

the youngsters of today about their place

in the glorious ecosystem
that is our Earth.

This is my friend Cuddles.

He's a Burmese python, one of the
six largest snakes in the wwrld.

Where you goin' there, buddy?

This isn't what we rehearsed.

Uh, some snakes use venom
to paralyze their prey.

Others simply squeeze the life out of them,

as Cuddles is so playfully
demonstrating now.

Kids, don't try this at home.

Oh, look at the pretty stars.

This is the best birthday party ever.

Jackson, why are you putting
yourself through this?

There's gotta be better jobs out
there than professional snake snack.

You think I haven't tried?

I've been looking for a job for weeks.

I even carry around my resume
in hopes that one of the parents

at these stupid parties has
a job opening in their company.

No wonder you're not getting
a job. This resume's a mess.

Is that snake urine?

Yes.

Look, man, I need the money.

Siena is always buying me
these great gifts,

and I never have any cash
to get anything for her.

And now her birthday's coming up, and I
just wama get her something as nice

as the dual time zone, solid gold,

Gushenflagen watch she got
me for my birthday.

I mean, check this thing out, it's...

Jackson, is this yours?

I picked it out of Cuddles's vomit.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, honey, what's up?

Just wondering what time it is.

Well, let me check my beautiful watch,

given to me by my even
more beautiful girlfriend.

It's...

...2:20.

Just four more hours until
I can get out of this bikini,

change into some comfy sweats
and come over to see you.

Or if you're ruming late you can
just come over in the b-b-b-bikini.

- You're so f-f-f-fumy.
- OK, we'll see you after work.

OK, bye.

You know, Jackson,
if you need a job that bad,

you can come back and work for me.

No! Ahh!

You know I may have bruised ribs
and a watch covered in...

...bits o' dead mouse...

...but I still have my pride.

All right.
Ready to box the kangaroo?

I believe the question is,

is the kangaroo ready to box me?

They're always brave at first.

Oh, you're goma need this.

She fights dirty.

Of course she does.

♪ Yeah, yeah, ooh, ooh ♪

Oh, mud crunkies, I can't
believe how good this is.

I know.

The chocolate chip
is incredible. Mmm!

I meant the script.
It's perfect for me.

How would you know?
You barely cracked the cover.

It's about a girl from Alabama who goes
to Paris as a Foreign Exchange student

and is recruited by the CIA to pose
as the daughter of an oil tycoon

to stop a plot
to bring down the World Bank.

So basically I'm a Southern girl
with a double identity.

I think I can handle that.

You just goma forget about
college and Lilly?

One minute. You couldn't
let me enjoy it for one minute.

- Mile...
- I've got an idea.

Why don't I just, you know,
take off college for a year.

And Lilly?

Could you be a bigger buzzkill?

Miley, you gotta tell her what's goin' on.

I know. But do you think once I tell
her the truth, she'll understand?

Either way, she deserves to know the truth.

And Mr. Buzzkill strikes again.

Can I please tell you
again how excited I am

that we are going to college together?

You don't have to say that.
You don't, really.

You don't!

No I do, because I just got
off the phone with Jeamie,

who's at our college orientation
at North Carolina

and she just found out that she's
rooming with a germophobic, insomniac

with a sinus condition,
who walks around all night

in, like, little crinkly sanitary booties,

going, "Nyah!" "Nyah!"

Nightmare!

Well, yeah, you can think of it
like that or you can think of it

as Jeamie growing as a more
tolerant and compassionate person,

which could very well be the most valuable
lesson that she learns in college.

Yeah, I mean, I guess
I can look at it that way.

But I don't have to
because I got you... roomie.

Yeah, uh...

Look, Lilly, I'm no big deal,
really. I'm not.

Really.

Yeah, well, you are to me.

Look, I never told you this but
I was kinda nervous

that you were never really
goma go to college with me.

That a world tour or one
of those stupid movie offers

was goma come up and it would
be too hard for you to resist,

and you would just bail.
But you didn't.

And I can't tell you
how much that means to me.

And I can't tell you what hearing
you say that means to me.

Really, I can't.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, ooh ♪

Now listen, son. I went to bed at


trying to figure out this Lilly situation.

So play nice. I don't want
you b*ating her up.

Yeah, nice to see you're so
worried about her being b*at up.

Where were you when Candy the kangaroo
was using my face for a punching bag?

You're telling me you got
whooped by a girl kangaroo?

It wasn't my fault. Apparently, I look
a lot like her ex-boyfriend, Bobo.

Well, do me a favor, son.

Try to be less you and more not you.

She goma be in a foul mood.

Morning, family!

Oh, yeah. She's devastated.

You are still going to
orientation, aren't you?

- Yup. - So you decided on
college instead of the movie?

- Nope. - But you're still
going to orientation.

- Yep.
- You haven't told Lilly yet.

- Nope.
- Lord, I smell a plan.

Daddy, I'm no longer in high school.

I no longer solve my problems
with some silly high jinks.

See, I create a sequence of logical
actions that, when ex*cuted properly,

lead you to the desired result.

So in other words...
a plan.

Yes, a plan.

But a plan so brilliant,

that when it came to me
at 4:37 in the morning,

- it was a gift from the gods.
- Let me guess.

Since Lilly thinks it's goma be
hard to go to college without you,

you're goma show her it's even
harder to go to college with you.

Oh, come on, son. She's been up all night.
Surely she's got something smarter than that.

I hate this family.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

The sky is blue.

What are you doing?

Oh, nothing. Decided I'm
goma take French this year.

Thought I'd better get
a head start, you know?

I'll probably be doing this a
lot. All night long sometimes.

The cat is on the wall.

Not amoying you, am I?

Oh, no, actually I always
wanted to take French,

so, here, I'll do it with you.

- Here, give me another one.
- We're done studying for today.

♪ La da di da ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

What are you doing?

Nothing, must be a pollen thing.

It's weird. It gets worse the farther
north and the closer to Stanford we get.

This musta been what Jeamie
was talking about.

I am so shnorry.

You know what? It's OK.

After the sacrifices you've made
just to be in this car with me,

you can do anything, and I could handle it.

This is going to be the best
four years of our lives.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

Pea-green
walls and dark wood.

I hate dark wood.

It's oppressive,
it's oppressive and oppressive.

And all the other awful things
in the "ive" family.

Will you please stop being so doom and gloom?
College is goma be great.

Here, let's go meet our new classmates.

Our new classmates, that's it.

- That's what?
- That's goma be a problem.

You see, I can't go in there.

Once I go in there, they're
goma recognize and mob me.

And then you're goma get pushed
aside and only be known as

"that blonde chick with Miley"
for the next four years.

It's not goma be that bad.
This isn't high school any more.

Like that makes a difference.

You seem to forget, I'm world famous.

We're here for the orientation weekend.

This is Lilly Truscott
and I'm Miley Stewart.

Miley Stewart!

See? Look, nobody mobbed you.
Thanks. Come on.

Here it comes.

Sorry to bother you.
Do you have a pen?

Who do you want me to make it out to?

Oh, no. I just need to write my
roommate's phone number down.

Thanks.

See? She didn't care who you
were. College kids are awesome.

What have I been saying this entire drive?

This is going to be the best
four years of our lives.

Take a pack.

♪ Oh, ho ♪

♪ Wow, wow ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

My girlfriend is totally
goma love this necklace.

Now just make sure that
nobody else picks this horse

until I bring her over.

What if she wants the bumy?
Girls love bumies.

Well, this one loves horses.

Why doesn't she like bumies?

- Why do you care?
- I don't know. I just do.

Just guard the horse.

Fine, but you're taking
the joy out of what coulda been

a lovely, romantic moment for all of us.

I'll survive.

So, what's today's "get rich slow" scheme?

Goma put the clown suit on
and let a monkey slap you silly?

It was an orangutan, and afterwards, we
shared a banana and hugged it out, so...

Look, bottom line is, I may have
humiliated myself the last few weeks...

Years.

Sorry, keep going.

But, I finally made enough
money to buy Siena that.

A stuffed horse?

Wouldn't she prefer the bumy?
Girls love bumies.

That's what I said.

She likes horses!

And I'm talking about the necklace,

which totally makes us even for the watch.

Gifts are supposed to be
about love, not getting even.

You're such a child.

Oh, back off.
Here she comes.

- Hey, honey.
- Hey.

I'm starving, let's...
What happened to your eye?

Oh, um, a little old lady...

Big scary mugger...
I took care of it.

Anywho, uh, before we go,

I won all these tickets.

If only I had a special birthday
girl to give them to.

Aw, Jackson, you're so sweet.
I know just what I want.

- Oh, you do? Do you?
- Mm-hmm.

- I want the bumy.
- What?

- We saw that coming.
- Pound it.

What about the
horse? See how cute he is?

He's blue and he's cute.
And... He's blue.

He is cute, but I want the bumy.

- OK, I'll get it.
- No, I'll get it.

- I'll get it.
- I will get it!

Just... wama make sure
it doesn't have any bugs.

Oh, looking good.

All clean. Here we go.

You know, you're right, the horse is cuter.
I'll take the horse.

- OK. - But, you can
leave the necklace.

- Happy birthday.
- Oh, I love it.

And you know where I can't wait to wear it?

- Where?
- In your brand-new...

...car!

Happy six-month
amiversary, baby!

- You got me a... a car!
- Mm-hmm.

Break out the clown suit, brother.

You got work to do.

♪ La di di da da ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Yeah, Oliver, the campus tour
was so awesome.

It's so beautiful here.
Oh, and the best part?

Nobody even noticed that Miley was Miley.

Uh-huh. It was like,
"Hamah Montana? Eh!

Miley Stewart? Eh!"

He gets it.
Your dad got it.

Your mom got it.
Move on!

Yeah, she's just having
a little trouble adjusting.

I can't fit all my clothes in here.

A Muppet couldn't fit
their clothes in here.

Yeah, but she's just
goma have to deal with it!

So anyway, this weekend we get to
spend the night in the same room

that in two weeks is goma
be ours for a whole year.

A year? In this shoebox?

It looked way bigger in the brochure.

That is false advertisement.

I gotta go. Yeah.

Yeah, high maintenance Miley is back.

I can't breathe in here.
Can you breathe in here? I can't breathe.

OK, look, Miley.
You have got to calm down, OK?

If it bothers you that much,
just open the window.

- OK.
- OK.

Oh, sweet pea! It won't open!

I need to get outta here!

Miley, are you goma be like this all year?

What'd you say? I can't
hear you with all the racket!

What racket?

Yo! 24-hour part-ay people.
Can you have a little consideration?

- Sorry, we...
- Cut the attitude!

Miley!

I'm sorry! Look, she's not
normally like this!

You have got to get a grip, OK?
Everything is going to be fine.

We're here together,
and nothing is goma ruin that.

Hi, hi!

Oh, no.

- Guess who lives next door?
- I know! I know! We do!

If you weren't rich, I'd totally dump you.

What are you guys doing here?

Just sticking tight with our Malibu crew.

And since we always
loved you in high school...

You hated us in high school.

True. But that was only because
we didn't know Miley was famous.

- And now that we do...
- We love you!

Ooh, ooh.

I thought you guys gave that up
when you realized it was lame.

If I gave up everything I thought was lame,

I wouldn't be hanging out with her.

Good one!

Oh! Hey, look, cute college
guys by the vending machine.

- Ooh, where?
- Bye, now.

Oh, my gosh, Lilly.
You know what I just realized?

As long as I'm here, they're
never goma leave us alone.

You know what that means. The only way you're
really goma enjoy Stanford is if I leave.

What are you talking about?

I mean, you never let Amber
and Ashley bother you before,

why don't we just deal with them

like we always do and just ignore them?

Yeah, but that's not fair to you.

So, I guess I'll just
have to take a year off.

You know, go do some big Hollywood
budget movie or something.

'Cause that's how much
I love you. My best friend.

- What was that?
- What was what?

That hug. That wasn't your, "I'm your best
friend and I'll do anything for you" hug.

That was your, "I feel guilty, and I'm
trying to get out of something" hug.

No it wasn't. See?

Yeah! You patted my back!

You only pat my back when you feel guilty.

That's not true! That wasn't
a pat. That was a rub. See?

A rub!
With a hint of a pat.

A little bit of both. You know,
a pat-rub. I call it a "pub."

Yeah, well I call it a lie.

What's going on?

I'm goma go do a Steven
Spielberg movie with Tom Cruise

that sh**t in Europe for a year.

What?

I'm goma go do a Steven Spielberg...

Yeah, I heard you!

I can't believe this.

Now I'm the one who can't breathe in here.

Lilly, wait. Please!

Lilly, please wait.

Look, I know that you're mad at me.

And we've been dreaming
about college forever,

and now you think I'm being
selfish and bailing on you.

You are!

True.

But you haven't read the script.

Lilly, please, I know that
this is a dream of ours, but...

...this is a dream of mine, too.

- How can I pass it up?
- You can't pass it up!

It's Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg!

- So you understand?
- Of course I do.

But what I don't understand
is that after six years,

you don't know me well enough
to know that, yeah,

I would be really mad at you, but
then I'd be really happy for you.

I just didn't want to go
through the really mad part.

Yeah? Well, guess what?
You got it anyway.

As for the happy part?
Don't hold your breath.

Lilly, I didn't know what else to do!

So you thought you'd do
anything you could to make me

not want to go to college with you?

Well, congratulations.
You got your wish.

You're the last person I would
want to go to college with.

No, you're the last person

that I would want to go anywhere with!

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Lilly, you can't stay mad at me forever.

Please talk to me.

Lilly?

Lilly.

It's...

You go away to Paris to do a stupid
movie, and you can't even speak French?

Pff!

♪ You're a true friend ♪

Yeah, right.

♪ ...do you wama dance ♪

♪ My barefoot Cinderella ♪

Are you kidding me?

Coming up, a new song from Pink!

- Finally.
- But first, a block of five

from Miley Stewart,
aka Hamah Montana!

♪ Kiss it goodbye ♪

Gladly.

Lilly, please talk to me.

Come on. Anything's
better than the silence.

Fine, here's something.

Until I go away to college,
I'm moving back in with my dad.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Hey, Jackson! I've been
thinking about your proble

and I found a couple of jobs
you might be good for.

At a cat hospital, cleaning up poop.

At a dog hospital, cleaning up poop.

Or if working with animals is beneath you,

there's one at a daycare center,
cleaning up...

I get it! I get it! All right?
It's very amusing.

But I was just getting ready
to apply for a job that's...

...way more humiliating
than any of those.

Thank you for dining at Rico's.

Hey-oh.

And I thought the days of you
working for me were gone forever.

But I guess the old saying is true.

"If you love something, set it free.

And if it comes back,
it was meant to be."

Curse my Latin emotions.

Hey, honey. Your dad
said you were down here.

It is such a beautiful day,
let's take a ride in your car.

I can't. I'm working.

At Rico's?

But you hate him.

You called him a pus-filled sore
on the devil's hairy butt.

No offense.

None taken.

Look, I don't have a choice.
I have to work here.

Not all of us can be pop stars,
or supermodels,

or evil multimillionaires.

Some of us are just regular people,

and we have to take regular jobs,

because we can barely afford
regular presents,

even though we buy them
at police evidence auctions.

Oh, no, don't worry.
I have a signed affidavit

saying nobody got whacked while wearing it.

♪ Ooh, wah, ooh, yay ♪

♪ Ah, ooh ♪

Oliver, she's serious.

She really is goma move
back in with her dad.

She's in there packing right
now. You've got to help me.

What do you mean "no?"

Why are you on her side?

Oh, Oliver.
Soulmate, shmoulmate.

This is real life. This ain't
some Nicholas Sparks novel.

Oliver? Hello?
Oh, you are gutless.

Oy! I hate my life.

Your sequence of logical actions
didn't achieve their desired results?

Your sequence of logical actions
didn't achieve their desired...

You're not doing the mimic thing.

We always do the mimic thing.

What's the point?

Oh, wow. Siena dumped you, huh?

Worse. She bought me a car.

And that's a problem?

How hard did that kangaroo hit you?

Look, you don't get it,
my girlfriend has a career,

and the only jobs I can get
are either working for Rico

or letting exotic animals
b*at and squeeze the snot...

...and other liquids out of me.

I'm goma pretend you're
talking about a water bottle

- in your pocket and move on.
- If only.

Well, at least your job doesn't make you
choose between an opportunity of a lifetime

- and your best friend.
- Hey, that's the price you pay

for being so ridiculously talented.

OK, first no mimic fight
and now a compliment?

Seriously, Jackson, how hard
did that kangaroo hit you?

Look, I know that things
are bad right now with Lilly,

but trust me, the way my life is going

I would so rather be you than me.

Oh, don't worry, Jackson.
You'll get a real job.

Someday.

You've got a lot to offer.

- Like what?
- I don't know,

but whatever it is, you've
definitely got a boatload of it.

And one day someone will give you a job

that's worthy of your...
as yet undiscovered talents.

"As yet undiscovered talents.
As yet undiscovered talents!"

Seriously, now?

Sorry, I was just starting
to feel close to you,

and it was creeping me out.

But... thanks.

And... don't worry.

I'm sure you and Lilly
are goma figure this out.

I can't imagine you guys
not being best friends.

I don't know, Jackson.
I really messed up.

I've never seen her so mad.

And it didn't help at all when you
asked her to go to Paris with you?

I didn't ask her.

You ask her to go tours, concerts.

You don't even go to the bathroom without
asking her if she wants to come along.

Hey! All girls do that.

You never know when you're goma
need to borrow a lipstick, or a...

...toilet paper.

And Lilly carries three-ply
with aloe. I'm goma miss that.

Seriously, men and women...

Same species, worlds apart.

Jackson, look, Lilly
does not want to go to Paris.

I mean, she really wants to go to college.

If she wanted to go to Paris she
would've started dropping hints

the minute I told her about it.

- Oh, no.
- What?

She started dropping hints
the minute I told her about it.

You're the last person I would
want to go to college with.

No, you're the last person I
would want to go anywhere with.

That was a hint?

Yeah. She said,
"go anywhere with."

She coulda stopped at college,
but no, she added "anywhere."

Which means Paris, the place
I didn't ask her to go.

And why would she hint at Paris,
if she didn't want to go.

All right, let me try to think like a girl.

No, still don't get it.

Maybe you're right. When Lilly's fishing for
something, she adds a "Pff" at the end.

Oh, no.

You go away to Paris to do a stupid
movie, and you can't even speak French?

Pff.

Pff.

Pff.

See? She did a "pff," but it was
delayed. It was a delayed "pff."

A delayed "pff?"

Yes, a delayed "pff."
That's why I didn't see it.

Jackson, you're right. I gotta
go talk to her.

- Thank you. You're a genius.
- You're welcome.

I don't know what I did.
But you're welcome.

I don't wama know why.
I don't wama know how.

I just wama enjoy this moment
for as long as it lasts.

Much bettfr.

Now it's time for the stupid collage
of stupid times with stupid Miley...

Oh, hey, that was that time we went
pumpkin carving. That was really fun.

No it wasn't!

Lilly?

I know the real reason you're mad at me.

Oh, really? What was your
first clue, when I told you?

No. I said "the real reason"
little miss "pff."

- What?
- I may have given you the pat,

but you gave me the "pff."
And I know why.

It's 'cause I didn't ask you
to go to Paris with me.

Well, it sure took you long enough.

Hey, it was a delayed "pff."

I had a delayed reaction.
You're being a little unfair.

I'm being unfair? First you
lie to me about the movie,

and then you don't even
want me to come with you?

Look, Lilly, of course
I want you to go with me.

It's just... I didn't ask

'cause I know how much
college means to you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, you could've at least asked.

Is it too late?

Try me.

Lilly, do you want to go to Paris with me?

No.

No? Why'd you
make me ask you?

Because I needed to hear it.

I need to know that this friendship
means as much to you as it does to me.

And I can't put off college.

Why not, Lilly? Come on,
picture it. Think about it.

When we're in Europe. I mean,
all the culture and the history,

and the language. It'll be an educational
experience that is fantastique.

That's "fantastic" in French.

- Miley, come on.
- No, I'm serious.

Think about it, next year,
in class, when they're talking

about the Golden Arches of Triumph,

we'll have actually been there.

It's the Arc de Triomphe. It's not
someplace you drive through to get fries.

French fries. Hey.

Come on, Lilly. Not only will it
be an amazing learning experience,

but you'll be around
Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg.

"Yo, Tommy! Stevie! Can't have lunch
with you today but try me tomorrow!"

That'll be you.

Well...

Come on, your folks'll be cool with it.

I don't know! I mean,
I always thought,

you know, you go to high school
and then you go to college

but I guess people do take time off.

And an opportunity like this, I
mean, it is kind of fantastique.

Do you really want me to go with you?

More than anything.

Well, then, how can I say no?

- We're going to Paris!
- Paris, France!

Yay!

I can't wait to go see the Awful Tower!

Kidding.

♪ Hey, oh, oh ♪

Today on Real
Geniuses, Albert Einstein.

Underachiever until
the age of 26,

when he discovered
the Theory of Relativity.

Twenty-six. That means
I got plenty of time.

Of course I had the IQ of 160.

What's yours?

Get out!

Hey, Jackson.

Dude, it's bad enough
that I have to work for you.

I don't need the reek
of your Rico-ness in my house.

I'm only here because, well, I
though about what you said and...

...and you're right.

That you're the result of a botched
Chihuahua cloning experiment?

- No. - That you can get a full
workout in a hamster wheel?

- No... - That you can fit
your entire body inside...

Jackson!

You're fired.

What? Just because
I insulted you?

That's our thing.
That's what makes us us.

No, I f*ring you because
until you get a real job,

you're never going to
feel good about yourself.

Which should make you feel terrific.

I know!
But I don't!

It's weird, right?

Maybe it's because I'm leaving for
college, and all of a sudden...

...I'm worried about you?

Yeah.

And I'm worried about hitting my head on the top
of the doorframe every time I leave a room.

Jackson, I'm not joking.

I'm h...

...helping you.

Here. I called in a favor
and I got you a great job.

What?

Well, I thought about
your marketable skills.

And then when I realized you
didn't have any, I dug deeper.

And then it hit me. You have
the attention span of a gnat,

the tiny, little hands
of a six-year-old boy.

And you can sit on the couch
longer than anyone I've ever met.

A videogame tester?

You'll evaluate new games,

give input on software design
and playability,

with the opportunity to move up

into game creation and development.

OK, you start on Monday.

I can't believe you'd do this for me.

Neither can I.

But I guess when I look
underneath my disgust,

disdain and utter lack of respect for you.

You're my best fr...

Fr... Fr... Fr...

Fr...

Fr...

Frien...

It's OK.
You don't have to say it.

Oh, thank you.

And Rico, you're my fr...

Frien...

This where you say, I don't
actually have to say it.

Yeah, but I actually want
to hear you say it. So...

You're my friend, too.

Oh, now you've gone and done it.

OK.

- Back to normal on three?
- Yeah. One, two...

- Backwards bubble head!
- Bird-faced freak!

And wait till you see your new office.

New office?

Turbo boost acceleration lag in turn three.

Uh, spotty pixilation
on the vehicle undercarriage.

And come on, graphics division,

when an alien's head explodes,

let's not skimp on the brain
chunks and the eye goo.

Could you get that over to corporate, Gina?

Yes, Mr. Stewart.

She called me Mr. Stewart.

Tough day at work, dear?

- Oh, just brutal.
- Mm-hmm.

First my lower back jet went out, and
now my swim trunks are riding up.

Mm-hmm. Oh, and you
worked through it?

I am so proud of you.

That's just the kind of man I am.

Come on, Jackson.
We've been packing all day.

Yeah, and you said you'd be
outta your "office" by five.

Hey, some of us take our jobs seriously.

Now get out of here.

I have a deadline, and
I'm working through dimer.

Then why is Siena here?

Oh, I brought dimer.

Who likes shrimp?

Obviously you do.

And he's in the hot tub.

- He's in the hot tub.
- He's in the hot tub.

- He's in the hot tub.
- He's in the hot tub.

- He's in the hot tub!
- He's in the hot tub!

That was kinda mean.

Nope, that's just us.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, wah, ooh ♪

Flight 14 to Paris will begin preboarding shortly.

Oh. Chair.

Window.

Uh, man with hat.

Oh, pregnant woman.

What'd she just say?

She liked my hat.

I reckon she wasn't even pregnant.

No.

I camot believe that by tomorrow night

we're goma be in a cute,
little Parisian cafe

and you'll be offending
French people in France.

I know.

- Lilly.
- Oliver?

Oliver! Hey, I thought your band
was playing in San Antonio.

We were, but our next show's in Seattle.

And I got a flight that stopped here.

I wasn't goma let you leave
without saying goodbye.

- Ahem!
- You, too, Miley.

I'll leave you kids to say your goodbyes.

I'm goma go buy some of that
dried fruit for the flight.

I love to toot one out
and then watch the rich folks

all blame it on each other.

That's been you?

Honey, you should know my toots by now.

- Hey, Miley.
- Jesse!

Jesse, I thought you were in Seattle.

I was.
Our next show is in San Antonio,

so I got a flight that stopped here.

I can't let you leave
without saying goodbye.

Real original.

Dude, why the hostility?

Well, it's just that I made
a huge romantic gesture,

and your doing the same thing kinda
makes it a little less special.

Oliver, it's not a competition.

Oh, I know.

Other than I had to be up at


just to make this happen.

And now you just sound desperate.

Hey, Miley.
I made something for you.

What is it?

It is a playlist of songs
that remind me of you.

Oh...

- It's cute.
- Uh, hey, Lilly.

- Yeah?
- I got you something.

Used lip balm.

Uh, it has my kisses all over it.

- Oh!
- What's up, dude?

Really?

OK, guys. We only have a little
while with our boyfriends,

so let's not waste the time with you
guys fighting over your girlfriends,

like a really cute gladiator and...

- ...Oliver.
- Hey!

I'll have you know plenty
of girls on tour find me...

What? They find you what?

Incredibly...
faithful to you.

That's my guy.

OK, so we're goma leave you two

to do your kissy-mushy
thing over here

and we'll go do ours by the
inflatable neck-pillow cart. Bye.

Man! I can't believe
you're going to Paris.

I know. It's all
happening so fast.

I've been cramming
to learn French all week,

but, you know, I do think I have
the most important phrase down.

"Back off, I have a big, strong
boyfriend back in America?"

Uh, close. It's, um...

I love you too, Lilly.

Oh, well, I gotta get to my flight.

Tell Miley I said good luck
on the movie, OK?

- OK.
- Call me as soon as you land.

Uh-huh.

Oh, Lil, look. Those girls
are going to Stanford.

That'll be you and Miley next year.

Yeah.

Unless she books another
blockbuster movie or something.

Yeah.

- I miss you already.
- Bye.

Flight 14 to Paris
will now begin boarding.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, ooh, ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, ooh ♪

Well, I guess I better catch my flight.

Call me when you get to Paris, OK?

You know I will.

Excuse me.

Take your time.

Call me when you get to Paris, OK?

You're the one going to Paris.

I knew that.

I'll see you in a few months.

Yo, Lilly.

Let's boogie.

You're not going to Paris, are you?

I can't.

Miley, Paris and Spielberg and Cruise...

It's all incredible,
and it's like a dream come true.

Then what's the problem?

Well, the problem is it's your dream.

My dream is college.
It's always been college.

But we talked about this, remember?

Just wait this year and then
we'll go to college together.

No. You don't know that.

- Yeah, I do.
- No, you don't.

What happens if another great
movie offer comes up,

'cause you know there'll be one.

I mean, what are you goma do then?

Exactly. See, you don't know.

And that's fine because it's your life.

But it's not yours.

I'm sorry.

For what? Being the best
friend I ever had?

- I'm goma miss you so much.
- I know.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Here we are now
Everything's about to change ♪

♪ We face tomorrow ♪

♪ As we say goodbye to yesterday ♪

♪ A chapter ending ♪

♪ But the story's only just begun ♪

♪ Pages turning for everyone ♪

♪ So I'm moving on
Letting go ♪

♪ Holding on to tomorrow ♪

♪ I've always got the memories ♪

♪ While I'm finding out
who I'm goma be ♪

♪ We might be apart
But I hope you'll always know ♪

♪ You'll be with me
Wherever I go ♪

♪ It's time to show the world ♪

♪ We've got something to say ♪

♪ A song to sing out loud ♪

♪ Will never fade away ♪

♪ I know I'll miss you ♪

♪ But we'll meet again some day ♪

♪ We'll never fade away ♪

♪ So I'm moving on
Letting go ♪

♪ Holding on to tomorrow ♪

♪ I've always got the memories ♪

♪ While I'm finding
out who I'm goma be ♪

♪ We might be apart ♪

♪ But I hope you'll always know ♪

♪ You'll be with me ♪

- ♪ Forever I know ♪
- ♪ So I'm moving on ♪

♪ Letting go
Holding on to tomorrow ♪

♪ I've always got the memories ♪

♪ While I'm finding out
who I'm goma be ♪

♪ We might be apart ♪

♪ But I hope you'll always know ♪

♪ You'll be with me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Wherever I go ♪

♪ Wherever I Wherever I go ♪

Hey.

I'm Miley.
I'm your new roommate.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You were right.

You know, there's goma be
a million concerts

and tours and movies, but...

...I only get one chance to go
to college with my best friend.

- ♪ You'll be with me ♪
- I love you so much

- I know!
- ♪ Wherever I go ♪

♪ Wherever I Wherever I go ♪

♪ But yesterday's gone
We gotta keep moving on ♪

♪ I'm so thankful for the moments ♪

♪ So glad I got to know ya ♪

♪ The times that we had ♪

♪ I'll keep like a photograph ♪

♪ And hold you in my heart forever ♪

♪ I'll always remember you ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪