The chilling announcement
was made earlier today
by the secretary general
of the UN,
who was overseeing the meetings
held by world leaders
at their emergency summit
in Athens.
While we
every day bear witness
to the catastrophic
ecological collapse
that is plaguing
our planet,
we must not forget
that this is above all,
a human crisis.
The sudden and devastating
scarcity of food,
water, and resources,
once only an issue
for our most vulnerable,
now spares no one,
and it requires a response
like none before.
He went on to add
that starting tomorrow,
all international borders
will be closed
and every nation
will have one year
to meet their population
reduction goals.
Come on,
Professor, are you seriously
telling our viewers
that you are
in favor
of conscription?
I am in favor
of this government
doing whatever it takes
to win this w*r.
Please stop referring
to this crisis as a w*r.
It's not a w*r.
Wars have opposing sides.
Humanity is
the opposing side.
We are engaged in
nothing less than a life
and death struggle
against our own extinction.
Unbelievable, so -- so
what else are you all for?
How about lowering
the age of eligibility?
Why not?
Plenty of individuals
under the age of 18
have expressed a desire,
a willingness to enlist.
I see no reason why we
shouldn't at least
consider their wishes.
Consider the wishes
of children?
I didn't say children,
but I do have
a 10-year-old son myself.
10, are you saying
that this administration
is considering letting
10 year olds enlist
because of your --
I sincerely hope
your son
is not watching.
I sincerely hope
he is.
He needs to know
exactly what's at stake.
Every nation
on this planet
needs to honor
their commitments
to the Athens Accords,
and we are severely
behind our 20% pledge.
Not enough people
are willing to enlist.
f*ck that guy.
I don't see him
signing up.
...come up with its initial
enlistment estimates, okay?
I am sorry,
Mr. York.
I made the mistake
of assuming...
No apology needed.
...selfless enough
to willingly enlist.
I agree.
To volunteer.
Turns out people
are far more selfish
than I believe
they were.
The fallout continues over
the Kremlin's
announcement last week
that Russia has satisfied
their commitment
to the Athens Accord
Three months ahead
of the UN deadline.
Oh, you're already working
on the mackerel.
It must be wonderful
to be handling
fresh seafood again.
This is the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life,
and I'm including my years
as a w*r correspondent.
The piano looks
so strange
in the bedroom.
But you were right.
It fits.
You want to come up
and see for yourself?
There's still time
before the kids arrive.
Oh, Dawn.
I'm sorry.
Before it causes
a collapse of health.
You said
you wanted to cook.
I'll go.
...have been taken
out of context.
Says the head of...
"This is fake news,
we are not
a branch of the m*llitary.
We are a department made up
of compassionate individuals
dedicated to helping our nation
in its greatest hour of need."
Coming up after the break,
we'll bring you more on
the York Therapeutics
class action trial.
The courtroom erupted today
when one of
the plaintiffs confronted
CEO Rachel York,
blaming Miss York personally
for her debilitating
chronic pain.
Exterior UV
levels are moderate.
Proceed with caution.
Hello?
What the f*ck
is the matter with you?
You go on TV
and you tell your son
that he should
k*ll himself?
That's not what
I said, Beth.
I didn't say
he should k*ll himself.
That reporter f*cking
twisted my words.
No, no, no, don't blame
the interviewer, Jared. Okay?
You said what
you said, and now --
now Lucas is bawling
his eyes out.
Um, okay,
uh, um...
Can I just
speak to him?
Would you mind putting
him on the phone?
I would love to have
a chat with him.
No, not a chance.
Are you kidding me?
He doesn't want
to speak to you.
Okay, wait.
Can I just
come by later? I-I...
I'll be gone --
I'll be gone before curfew.
No. No, you can't
come by.
I swear to God,
Beth, I didn't say
our son
should enlist.
That's...
f*ck my life.
Ohh!
What?
Dawn, most of this stuff
is prohibited.
Where'd you get it?
Oh, for God's sake.
What, is Noah coming
tonight or something?
Of course he is.
He's your brother.
I-I mean adopted.
Why don't you go relax
in the living room
until your father
comes downstairs?
Hmm?
Send me home
in a Uber.
I'm fine now.
They don't want me here.
I don't care
what they want.
You're staying
with me.
Was that
Grandpa's new car
in the driveway?
No, that's your
Uncle Jared's
midlife crisis.
I don't think
it's electric.
Oh. It's not.
She forced me
to come.
Oh, I'm sorry,
sweetheart.
You know, I am always happy
to see you.
Mia, go ask Uncle Jared
about his car?
I said this was an adults
only evening.
She shouldn't
be here.
Yeah, well, you didn't see
her when I got home.
She saw me on the news
and she was a wreck.
I couldn't leave her.
Poor Mia.
If you don't
want her here,
we're both leaving.
I mean, I don't have time for
whatever this is anyway.
No, no.
It's okay.
Stay.
Please stay.
Uh...
How are things
going with the lawsuit?
Mmm!
It smells good in here.
Hey, what --
what happened?
I can't do it.
I thought that I could,
but --
but the timing's
not right.
And -- And...
I don't know, Grace.
The last time
that I saw him,
he wouldn't even
look at me.
No matter what
your dad has planned,
he's not going to be upset
by what you have to say
after what he just
did for you.
I know.
What he did for me...
You don't know him.
You've never met him.
He hates surprises.
And -- And I can't just
hijack his night
because he'd --
he'd hate that.
And -- And that's okay,
because I-I just
I need...
Noah.
I-I-I just --
I need more time.
Noah.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Picture yourself calm.
Picture yourself in the place
you're most comfortable.
Now tell me.
What do you see?
Our apartment.
You.
Just you.
Go home.
I'll meet you
there soon.
We can get under the sheets
and watch TV.
Love you.
And I love you.
Nah-unh,
not a chance.
If I'm doing this,
so are you.
Get in.
In case
you're wondering,
I just had
a commercial audition
for a video game.
It's great,
you know,
five years
of theater school,
and this is what my life
has come to,
is praying to book
a commercial
for a video game.
I'm sorry, Ash.
Something I can do?
Yeah, you could
convince
the 50 other girls
I'm up against to enlist.
That could help me a lot.
I could try.
Okay,
thank you.
I'm pretty convincing.
Yeah, you are.
Any idea why Dad
invited us to dinner?
No. No.
Uh, my guess is
he's gonna tell us
that he's going
back to work.
Must be k*lling him,
he retired
just before the story
of the century broke.
You know Dad,
it's all about his legacy.
Why did I even
bother coming?
Hang tight.
Whose Grace?
Uh...
N-Nobody, just --
just a friend.
My God, do you have
a booty call after dinner?
I mean, it's not
a booty call
if you live together.
I met her, um,
at a meeting.
You know, she's been clean
for a long time, and...
Look, I was gonna
tell dad tonight, but --
but it's not --
The timing isn't right.
I don't want to get in
the way of,
you know, whatever.
And could you just --
just not
say anything
to him?
Yeah, no,
I won't.
Please. Just...
Won't say anything.
Please don't hate me.
I can never
hate you.
It's you and me
against the world.
Always.
Just no more secrets.
Promise?
Okay.
Like this.
That's it.
You're a natural.
Uncle Noah.
Auntie Ashley.
Hey, nugget.
I missed you.
Hi.
You look good, son.
Oh, really good.
Hmm.
"Hey, Ashley.
You look good, too."
Hey, Ashley.
You look good, too.
Oh. Thanks, Dad.
Okay,
everyone, to the table.
Time for kaiseki.
Thank you.
Thank you, Dawn.
Just in case.
This is sakazuki,
the appetizer.
Miso marinated tofu
with grilled aubergine
and seasonal vegetables.
This is the first dish
I learned to make
when I started
my training in Japan.
Wow, Dawn. This is like
a work of art.
Your guests must go
crazy for this.
She closed
the restaurant.
A toast.
We are so happy you all joined
us tonight for a family dinner.
It's so important.
I am so sorry
My work kept me
from being home
for dinner so often.
And breakfast
and lunch.
Sorry,
I'm just...
No. No, no,
no, no.
You're right.
It's inexcusable.
I love my job.
But you're my children.
And I should have
been here for you.
I should have
been here.
Well, that's not much
of a toast, is it?
What I'm trying
to say is,
we are so happy
all of you
could join us.
It means
the world to us.
To family.
To...family.
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna burst.
Please tell me
that's it.
Still one more course.
Anmitsu.
A very small dessert.
Well, before dessert,
I, um...
I do have
something that, uh...
I want to say
to everyone.
And we can't wait
to hear it.
But first, I think
these two need to tell us
what the f*ck
we're all doing here.
Rachel.
What?
You invited us here
for this fabulous,
fancy dinner.
Told us we
couldn't invite anybody.
What is going on?
We've decided to enlist.
What -- I--
Mia, go watch TV.
No, I want to stay.
Mia, go!
That's why we wanted
only adults here this evening.
Well, if you would have
given me a heads up
on what this night
was all about,
I would have found
a f*cking sitter.
Rachel, watch your mouth.
Are you f*cking
kidding me?
You've got a lot
of nerve telling me
to watch my f*cking--
Watch...your...mouth!
Save my dessert.
No social media.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
If you'd like to talk about this
in a respectful manner,
we're here for questions.
Yeah, I'll go first.
Uh, why?
Why would you enlist?
You don't need
the money.
For over three decades,
I delivered the evening news
and there was not a week
that went by where I was not
reporting on some horrific
ecological disaster.
Droughts, floods,
wildfires, crumbling glaciers.
I remember vividly staring
into my monitor the day
that the Amazon rainforest burnt
out of existence, just gone.
And I knew full well
that the last thing
this planet needed
was more people,
and what did I do?
I had children,
four of them.
Oh, my God.
And now the government
is talking about drafting people
to be euthanized.
If any of your names
were called,
I couldn't live
with myself.
But they won't
call our names.
You don't know that.
I do, I do,
I do, I do.
And even if
they did,
they can't call
all of us.
Okay? I'm not supposed
to say any of this yet,
but the legislation
only permits
one person
per family.
That means if one of us
were called,
the rest of us
would be safe.
And if at that point
you felt inclined
to take one of our places,
you could,
because they're going
to let parents do that.
But none of that's
gonna happen
because these rules
aren't made
for people like us.
So let's just
f*cking get it.
We can't take that chance.
Oh, my God.
Both our first marriages
ended tragically.
Neither of us ever expected
to find love again.
But by the grace of God,
we did.
And we think this is
the right thing to do.
Okay, I'm going to try
my hardest not to swear.
Um, but, Dawn,
why would you
agree to this bullshit?
Well, we
were thinking
we're both
public figures
and we believe
if we do this,
we can set
a good example.
Oh my God,
this is
about elevating
the York name,
isn't it?
No it's not. It's about
doing the right thing.
No it's not.
It's about
the fact that
we all embarrass you.
What?
It's true.
Much to your obvious
disappointment,
none of us turned out
to be anything special.
So enlisting is --
is your way
of going out
with the York name
forever remembered as
the epitome
of self sacrifice.
Dawn, be honest
with me.
This wasn't
your idea, right?
My dad convinced you.
We decided together.
Bullshit.
Everybody just
leave Dawn alone.
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
Son, sit down.
Please stay.
I gotta go, I-I...
Please.
No, this is not...
Dad -- Dad,
y-y-you just said...
You just said you wanted
to spend more time with us.
And this doesn't make
any -- any f*cking sense.
It doesn't make
any sense.
Noah, stop!
Put that down.
We'll continue this
discussion after dessert.
Right, dessert.
Yeah.
I will come and get you
when it's ready.
The rioting continued
throughout the night,
with protesters vowing
not to give up
until the government
provides transparency
into the full extent
of D.O.C.S. powers.
We'll be right back.
Week 39s enlisters
of the week
are Luis and Rosa Gonzalez.
Luis was employed as a high
school custodian for 25 years,
while Rosa stayed home
and raised their son, Ignacio.
Luis and Rosa bestowed their
enlistment benefit payments
to Ignacio
and his new bride, Maria,
who plan to use the money
to buy their first home.
Luis and Rosa,
a grateful nation, thanks you.
Dad, look, you don't
have to do this.
Look, I have a friend
in the program,
he -- he says that
the government is lying
about the enlistment numbers.
Oh, f*ck,
here we go.
Conspiracy theory time,
is it?
He's not a wacko, Jared.
He works for
a watchdog group.
And, dad, what they're saying
is that way more than
9% of people have
enlisted, it's more like 16%.
Yeah, what's -- what's this,
uh, person's name?
His name? Why?
Because people who
spread disinformation
should be held accountable,
so what's his name?
His name is
the same as mine.
He's anonymous.
He's --
Oh, he's anonymous.
The anonymous ones I found
are always the bravest.
I assume you told
this f*cking clown,
he has no idea
what he's talking about.
How do you know?
You don't know this person.
No, but I do know
this person is
speaking utter nonsense.
Why would the government
lie about that?
Why would they lie?
You do know who's
enlisting, don't you?
And it's only gotten worse
since they've opened up
enlistment to
undocumented immigrants.
Okay, now that's
a very unfair picture
you're painting, that's
a very popular program.
First off,
those people are paid.
Second off, their children
are fast tracked
towards citizenship.
Those people.
Oh, for f*ck's sakes,
that's not what I meant.
I just meant it is
a very good opportunity
for people...
Like him.
Jared, he is
your brother.
I said "like" him,
I don't mean him.
He's got all
the opportunity he needs.
Rachel, please
help me out here.
No, never. Never.
Okay, guys, I know that,
yeah, times are grim
and rumors are swirling,
but this administration
would never fabricate
enlistment numbers
just to gerrymander.
Trust me.
Why should
we trust you?
You're on TV every day
defending a government that
is made up of
the same buffoons
who had come
onto my show
and deny that climate change
even existed.
Yeah, I don't know
why I expected
anything different
from you.
You spent an entire career
in mainstream media
just pointing fingers.
Asking questions
is not pointing fingers.
Pointing fingers is when
this administration
repeatedly refers
to this crisis
as the Asian collapse.
But that's true.
China, Japan, India --
They're responsible
for this.
Shame on you.
That sort of
hateful rhetoric
is why Dawn can't even go
outside anymore,
for God's sake.
They b*rned down
her restaurant.
Oh, I know you crave
the spotlight, Jared.
But you're embarrassing
yourself.
And you embarrass me.
Okay, cool,
so I guess
next time
I go on television,
I should probably just make
a little pit stop
at one of
Noah's meetings
and just see what the deadbeat
junkies have to say.
Jared, shut up!
He met his girlfriend
at a meeting.
You're dating
another addict.
Son.
Her name is Grace.
And, um...
She -- She's been clean
for ten years, Dad.
And...she's been very,
very good for me.
Do you have a picture?
Yeah.
Oh. She's lovely.
What does she do?
She's a manager at
a Sports World
at the Oakwood Mall.
And...
I work there too.
Um, I play the piano
in the food court.
You're playing again?
Just jazz standards
and muzak, you know.
Nothing --
It's nothing.
No, it's not nothing.
It's perfect.
Well, I better
go help Dawn.
Anyone else see
the way he bandied
about that
fireplace poker?
I thought he was going
to k*ll me.
Can I see?
Ohh!
My God, look!
You guys are so cute.
Yeah,
it's kind of sickening.
You look nice,
look at them.
She's gone.
What?
What is this?
"I'm sorry.
I can't do it.
I will always
love you. Dawn."
What does she mean?
I can't do it?
Dad, did you
already sign up?
Hi. I'm Bob.
It's them!
Oh, they're early.
What?
Hi, it's Bob from D.O.C.S.
Department of
the Citizen Strategy.
I'm sorry, we're a bit early,
but our last appointment.
was a no-show.
You scheduled it
for tonight?
We wanted you all
here with us
as -- as we said
goodbye.
What the f*ck, Dad?
You can't just
spring that on us.
Tell him to leave.
We're not done here.
That's right,
that's right.
Jesus.
Hi, Bob again.
We can't park
our vehicle
in the driveway
with all the cars.
Do you mind if we park
it along the side here?
It's a tight fit,
but Tony's a pro.
Uh, sure.
Yeah.
Okay, Tony,
we're good. All right.
Well,
normally I start by
asking who people are,
but I-
I certainly know who you
are, sir, I'm a big fan.
Charles York, most
reliable source for news.
Is that James Earl Jones.
Who does that voice? No.
That's CNN.
That was years ago.
Anyway, I love it,
I love it.
It -- It makes you want
to listen, you know?
Uh...
Wow, you're married
to Dawn Kim?
I saw her on Iron Chef.
Yeah, me and the missus
have always
wanted to go to
a restaurant,
but just a little too rich
for our blood, you know?
Anyway, you mind if
I come in,
or did you want to do
the procedures in the driveway?
I'm so sorry.
That was rude.
That was rude.
I'm just a little out
of sorts these days.
It's just impossible
to take time off right now.
Circling back.
May I come in?
Please, come in.
Hello, I'm Bob.
Hi. Hello.
Hello.
Wow.
This place
is stunning.
I don't get to see inside
a lot of houses
in this neighborhood.
I love how you've
updated things
and kept
the historical elements.
I mean, and that chandelier
is just like--
Fish?
Yes. Uh, hi.
I'm Jared,
I'm Charles's son.
I know you,
you're on TV, too.
I am, yeah.
Lately, anyway.
You're that government guy.
Well, no, I'm --
I'm an anthropologist,
but I have been working
in coordination with the--
Oh, that's great.
Where's Dawn?
S-She's not here.
She got cold feet
and she left.
Oh, so it's
just you, then?
Yes, but my wife
and I
decided to
enlist together.
So if it's all right
with you,
I'd like to ask you
to come back another time.
I'm sure once she
and I connect,
she'll be back
on board.
That's -- It's great.
Yeah, great.
You, uh, can I, uh
talk to you in private?
I mean, don't worry,
don't worry.
Just need to sign
some confidential paperwork
to cancel
the procedure.
You know, the government
and their paperwork.
Like a dog with a bone,
rah rah rah rah.
Absolutely.
I'll -- I'll sign whatever.
Please follow me.
Just initial
the bottom of each page,
signed the last one,
and we're all set.
Fine.
Well...
I'd like to
look it over first.
Sure. Take your time.
Wow.
That's Mandela.
I recognize him.
And Bono.
Is that Queen B?
Oh, my God, I love her.
It is, isn't it?
Oh.
What a life you've led,
my friend.
And by all accounts,
a virtuous one.
Not everyone
can say that.
Some men
in your position,
well, they take advantage.
Lives ruined,
careers destroyed.
And all for what?
A little -- little hanky panky.
Yeah, when those
bozos are gone,
all anyone is
going to remember
is the nasty stuff.
Not you.
When you're gone,
people are going to
remember you
as one of the greats.
That is, unless something
comes to light
that makes people
see you differently.
What is this?
I'm not signing this.
Do you know who I am?
I do.
As I said,
I'm a big fan
and I will never stop
feeling that way
toward you.
No matter what list
your name is on.
The way he plays.
- It's beautiful.
- Dad, I don't understand.
You said that you wanted
to do this with Dawn.
What changed?
Did he--
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
And you were right.
I did try to convince Dawn
to enlist,
but I'm still set
on doing this.
I'm sorry
I wasn't a better father.
I was too hard
on all of you.
Especially after
your mother d*ed.
The estate will
be divided evenly
amongst you all.
Be good to one another.
Support one another.
Do better than I did.
This is
the anesthetic.
Once I administer it,
you'll fall asleep
and you won't
feel a thing.
Grandpa.
That was
very moving
from the music
to the reconciliations.
I mean, that procedure
ranked right up there
with the best of them.
Just go.
All right, then.
Bye.
Ah, I can't leave
quite yet.
Why not?
You're not gonna
like this,
but I need
a second cadaver.
A body.
I need a second body.
I already told you,
Dawn left.
I know,
and that's unfortunate.
But we're here
to collect, um...
Two bodies.
What's he
talking about?
You're scaring my niece.
Get out!
Oh, sh*t!
Oh, my God!
f*ck
Jesus Christ!
Calm down,
calm down.
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's okay.
Look, we've got three hours
until our next appointment,
and it's, uh...what?
Roughly a half hour
from here?
Another half hour
to perform the procedure.
And that leaves you
two full hours to decide
which one of you is
gonna take Dawn's place.
Okay, I don't know if
this is some kind of
ill-timed joke,
but it ends now.
Uh...I'm calling some friends
of mine in the administration.
Yeah, that's not
gonna happen.
We scrambled
the house.
We can't have
you wasting time
when you should
be concentrating
on the task at hand.
Now, the little one here --
Mia, right?
You don't
talk to her.
Oh, relax.
I was just gonna
tell you that she's exempt.
We don't get paid
for minors.
You -- Paid?
Well, sure.
D.O.C.S. contracts out
cadaver collections
to private companies,
such as the one that employ me
and my colleagues here.
We used to
work in corrections,
but prisons emptied out
in a hurry
when enlistment opened up
to incarcerated convicts.
It's such a shame, too.
Housing,
feeding convicts
over time paid
a lot more dough
than cadaver procurement.
That's strictly
a one time fee.
And currently the government
isn't paying for minors.
But maybe someday soon.
Right, Professor?
You're a lunatic.
How?
I'm doing my job
just like you.
Now give us
the girl.
Mom?
It's okay.
You're not taking her.
Uncle Noah!
Tony, take her.
Mom!
No! You're not
taking her.
You can't have her.
Calm down, it's okay.
It's all right.
We're not gonna hurt her.
You have my word.
She's just gonna sit
with us in her vehicle
until this whole situation
is resolved.
Now, trust me,
you don't want her here
for this next part.
Okay, Mia, listen to me.
You need to go
with the man, okay?
Oh, Mom,
I'm so scared.
It's okay.
We just need to
figure this out, I promise.
Okay?
Come on.
Let's go.
You're gonna be okay.
Why are you
doing this?
We didn't enlist,
Dawn did.
Please go find her.
Well, we already have people
looking for Dawn,
but the odds that
she's located
in the next two hours
are not good.
And we are not falling
further below our quota.
No way, no how.
What did you
say to her father?
Nothing, I just gave him
the paperwork
to cancel his procedure.
And then he read it over
and decided not to sign,
which, you know,
see, you can --
You can back out.
No problem.
But your bank
accounts are frozen.
You lose your assets,
and you go to jail
for the rest of your lives.
Either way,
my company gets paid.
Jared,
is that true?
Yeah, it is,
but you know what?
Nothing seemed to bother him
as much as the fact
that his name
would one day be published
on the government's
cowards list.
Yep, we're gonna let people
know the names
of all the bums who
turn their backs
on their country
when it mattered most.
Your dad cared a lot about
what people thought of him, huh?
All right.
Uh, Bob.
Bob.
Um...you don't have
to do this.
Well...
Okay? I-I am sure
as leader
of this unit,
you have some discretion
as to how the D.O.C.S.
regulations are applied.
So -- So I'm gonna tell
you this as a favor.
You don't
wanna do this.
You are on the wrong side
of history.
This --
This is a mistake.
I know people.
Important people.
No, you know what?
You make a very
good point, Jared.
I really appreciate that.
Thank you.
Of course.
No problem.
I hate to be
that guy.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah,
but here's the thing.
I don't care
who you know.
And I certainly
don't care for you
telling me how
to do my job.
The rules are the same
for everybody.
That's how I roll.
So, here's what
I suggest.
You all go into
separate rooms,
take some time,
think about your lives.
I'm sure one of you
is gonna realize that...
it's not all that great.
And to get things started,
I brought a little
reading material.
You see,
this situation happens
a lot more often
than you think,
and that's why our familial
research department
compiles concise,
personalized notes
on all family members
based on information gathered
from browser histories,
emails, texts,
DMs and phone calls.
And not just from them,
but from the people
they interact with.
So let's start
with Jared York.
Please don't.
Oh, this is good.
This is good.
You're very young
girlfriend, Kaylee,
who you abandoned your wife
and child for last year.
She's having
carnal relations
with 3 to 5
additional people,
depending on the week.
She's what?
And speaking of
your son, Lucas,
he hopes that
you'll enlist
so he never
has to see your,
and I quote here,
"stupid af face again."
Oh, and you
often Google--
Okay,
you Google sh*t.
You Google sh*t.
Next up.
Rachel York.
It's okay. I'm pretty sure
I know what's on there.
Um, my daughter is
being bullied because of me.
Yes, says so
right here.
Uh, my board wants to fire me
from my own company.
Yeah,
that's right.
Oh, and I'm also
wanted for a string
of bank robberies.
Hmm, that's not--
f*ck you,
you piece of sh*t!
Ah!
Ah!
Stand down.
Stand down. Here.
Read them yourselves.
And just, uh,
flick the porch
lights off and on
when you've made
your decision.
Wait, wait, wait.
What if we can't decide?
What if we can't make
a decision?
Ah, we'll decide
for you.
sh*t.
Procedure 16 complete.
Headed to 17th location.
Over.
You know, I'd ask you
to play cards with me,
but I don't much
appreciate your mom
punching me in the face.
I appreciated it.
Oh, fuuuuuck!
f*ck!
f*ck you,
you pieces of sh*t!
What the f*ck
do you know?!
Come on.
Come on, Jared.
Come on, Jared.
Come on, Jared.
Would you please move?
Thank you.
So anyone?
I think Noah should
sacrifice himself for us.
Screw you, Jared.
No, really.
Screw him.
Screw him.
When Mom and Dad
adopted him,
he was given
every opportunity
under the sun.
He went to
the best schools.
He had the top
piano instructors.
But! But!
Not only did he
piss his own life away,
he also f*cking k*lled
that woman in the accident.
So if you ask me,
Noah should
sacrifice himself for us.
It only makes sense.
No, you know what
makes sense?
Is putting it
to a vote.
Okay.
Who here thinks
that Jared
should take Dawns spot?
Jared?
How f*cking dare you!
I have a child!
Who hates you!
Like everyone else
in your life.
Oh, do -- do you know
everyone else in my life?
Oh, my God, okay, no,
maybe I don't.
But I know Beth.
Hey...
Oh, you remember her?
You're beautiful,
amazing wife.
The one you bailed on the second
someone showed you
just a little bit
of attention?
Stop it.
Yeah, I bet if she were here,
her hand would be
held f*cking high.
No, it wouldn't!
Yes, it would!
Stop fighting!
I didn't get to say
this earlier.
But I came here tonight
to apologize.
I've been nothing
but a drain on this family
for far too long.
But the accident
woke me up.
I'm clean.
I found love.
And for the first time
in my life,
I see a future
for myself.
And I want nothing
more than for that future
to include the people
in this room.
Now we can get through this,
but we have to stick together,
like dad said.
Okay...
Like Dad said?
Before he d*ed.
Dad said to be kind
to one another,
to support one another.
So let's stop fighting
and let's work together.
It's what Dad
would have wanted.
Are you serious?
That assh*le signed
one of his own
f*cking children up to die.
He couldn't have known
about that, obviously.
No. Not obviously.
No. Nothing with him
was ever obvious.
The man could have given a
f*cking TED Talk
on withholding,
and all of a sudden
I'm supposed to give a sh*t
because he got all weepy
on his deathbed?
f*ck you.
Nice. Nice.
Now what the f*ck
do we do?
Where is it?
Where is it?
I mean, where is it?
It's got to be here somewhere.
Oh, no, no, no.
Is it here?
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope. There it is.
There's the card
I needed.
Why don't you shove it
up your butt
so you'll
always have it.
You have your
mother's charm.
Boss, they blinked
the light.
Decision time.
BRB.
Hello. Hi.
We ready
to proceed?
No, we just --
We had a question.
You said that if
we couldn't decide
who has the
procedure,
you'd decide for us.
How will you decide?
It's a very
good question.
You'll be happy
to know that
I use a very
scientific system
perfected over time.
What if we
gave you a body?
What, you find one
in the freezer?
No, you f*ck.
I'm asking if you have
to do the procedure
or can we just
deliver you a body?
A procedure is preferable
from a paperwork standpoint,
but I would figure
something out.
No.
No decision yet.
My cards.
What did you --
What did you do?
Why would you do this?
'Cause you're a bully.
What was
that about?
What?
You said that we were
just gonna ask Bob
how he would decide.
Yeah.
We did that.
And then I had
a follow up question.
A very pointed one.
No, a very logical one.
I don't want to
draw straws, do you?
f*cking no,
of course not.
But...
May--Maybe it's
what's fair.
f*ck fair.
I don't want
a 1 in 4 chance
of dying tonight.
Sorry, those odds
don't work for me.
Okay, so what is
your suggestion, then?
I don't have one.
I've made mistakes.
A lot of them.
Especially recently,
but I am sure
as hell not ready
to throw in
the towel.
None of us are.
That's kind of
beside the point, isn't it?
No it isn't.
'Cause here's
the thing.
I barely know
you f*cking people.
I know we're family
and all, but, what,
we see each other
three, maybe four times
a year.
Always here at Dad's.
I mean, we never
get together on our own.
We never even
call each other unless
it's an obligatory
birthday call.
I am closer with the lady
who does my nails
than I am with
any of you.
What's your point?
My point is,
if Bob needs
a second body,
I can tell you
all, right f*cking now
it's not gonna
be mine.
- Holy f*ck!
- Rachel!
f*ck!
No!
Let me see.
What the f*ck?
He doesn't deserve
a cent of Dad's money.
He's just gonna f*cking
snort it all away.
Oh, my God.
She's not wrong.
Yeah she is.
I'm f*cking clean, Jared.
Oh, whatever.
It never sticks.
Listen, guys,
one less sibling means
more of Dad's money
for the rest of us.
You trying to recruit them
to g*ng up on me?
No, I know where
Jared stands.
Ashley,
you do get
the severity of
the situation, don't you?
You do get that
on of us
is leaving here tonight
in a f*cking body bag.
One of our cold,
dead bodies
is being wheeled
out that door
and thrown in the back
of that mobile morgue
at the end of
the driveway,
right alongside Dad.
Now, do you want
that dead body
to be your
pretty little body?
No, you don't.
Because you
have a dream, right?
You're gonna be
a famous actress,
and it'll happen
for you, too.
You just got to keep
following your heart.
As if you care. You've never
even seen her on stage.
No.
I haven't,
but I do know
that following your heart
isn't cheap.
Now, I don't know
how big Dad's estate is,
but think of how much
more of a nest egg
you could have with
one of us out of the picture.
Yeah.
Nice try.
But we're stronger
than that.
Noah already got
his inheritance.
What do you mean?
I mean, he's not
going to trial.
The, uh, woman's family
dropped the charges
because Dad
paid them off.
I saw an email
from Dad's lawyers.
He paid them
$3 million.
- Holy sh*t!
- No, no, no,
I had nothing to do
with that, Dad did that.
I didn't even
know about it
Okay.
until Dawn
told me about it.
When she -- When she
invited me to dinner.
I mean, so, Dad's estate
isn't really being
split evenly, is it?
Because you're
already up 3 mil.
I don't give a sh*t
about the money.
You guys can have it.
Ash.
Ash.
You promised me
no more secrets.
Jared, put that back.
Jared, put that back.
- What the f*ck?
- Ashley. Ash!
You put that back.
Ash!
3 million
f*cking dollars.
Stop! This is
f*cking crazy!
All of you, stop!
Get the f*ck back, Jared!
Hit him!
It's not easy
as it looks.
You f*cking
hit him.
I already did.
Just swing,
you f*cking p*ssy!
Stop, stop!
Swing!
Do you want it
to be you?
No!
We're a f*cking family.
Just f*cking swing!
Stop it!
We're a f*cking family.
f*ck this.
Jared.
Jared.
Yeah.
Ah!
Jesus! f*ck!
Ash, please.
Come on.
Don't do this.
Ash, please.
Ah!
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So you're
a test tube baby?
Is that because your mom
couldn't mate with a man
without k*lling him?
No, my mom said
it was because
she didn't want to waste
any of her love
on some idiot man.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think your mom
is a person with
a whole lot of love
and reserve.
This is a waste.
I have to pee.
Back there,
to the right.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
I don't want you
peeing on this.
Sir, great news.
We have
apprehended Mrs. Kim
and are en route
to your location.
You can release
the orcs.
ETA 20 minutes.
Uh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
Um, let's just,
uh...
bring her back
to headquarters.
Sir, she says she wants to do
the procedure at home.
Yeah, I don't give
a rat's ass what she wants.
Take her back to headquarters.
I wiped myself
on your hand towel.
Oh, of course
you did.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Close your...
Put yourself calm.
Picture yourself calm.
Picture yourself calm.
Picture yourself calm.
Oh, my God.
Grace.
Grace.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two.
One, two, three.
Oh, there we go.
Apologies for the counting,
but the instructions
say it's ready when you can
count to three between pops,
so that's what I do.
You got to be careful,
'cause the second
you burn one kernel,
the whole bag is ruined.
I don't know why, but it
just tastes off, you know?
One time I only --
I only had four
unpopped kernels.
I put a photo of it on Insta.
You should check it out.
I'm @WhataboutBob42.
Amazing, I'll do that
for sure.
Hey. You don't want
any popcorn?
It's been
over an hour.
What are they still doing
in the house?
You know, based
on my experience
in similar situations,
I want to say, yeah,
k*lling one another.
What?
No they're not.
Why would they do that?
Hey, that's not on me.
Your mom came up
with that idea
all by herself.
She did not.
She would
never do that.
Oh, why?
Because she's such
a good person? Please.
You know those
terrible things your classmates
are saying about her online
are true, right?
Yeah, your mom
was fully aware
that those pills
didn't work.
And, yes, she refused
to pull them off the shelf.
So those women got sicker
and sicker because of her.
Stop lying!
Tony!
That our expectation,
our desire
to achieve victory
on a volunteer basis.
Is an abject failure.
They sent this idiot
out to the crowd.
I don't know why
you bother having him on--
He is
Charles York's son.
I respect
the hell out of Charles.
But his kids?
That's another story.
Noah.
Please don't.
What are you doing here?
I had to get away.
I couldn't take it.
Noah, I'm so sorry.
I don't know
what happened.
Rachel,
she got in my head.
Where are they?
They're in
the living room.
They have
Dawn's knives.
I'm gonna go
talk to them.
Did you not just hear
what I said?
This has to stop.
Ash...
...it has to stop.
You stay here?
No.
I should go
with you.
They should hear it
from the both of us.
Get behind me.
In case they
g*ng up on you too.
Okay.
Hey.
Look at us.
You look so happy.
I just started
taking piano.
Nobody called me
a prodigy back then.
It was still fun.
And I had a new little sister
to call my own.
You and me
against the world.
Right?
Got those
chubby little cheeks.
Noah.
Yeah.
f*ck!
Damn it!
Ash, help me!
Help me!
I can't.
Ash!
Open the f*cking door!
Get up, help me!
Move! Move!
You're f*cking dead!
Die already.
Tell Mia
I love her.
Tell her yourself.
Ah!
I'm not r*cist.
Uh...
No, I-I'm an ally.
Okay, so,
uh, you, uh...
Mia, uh...Dawn.
I love --
I love you all, okay?
I-I know you're
not supposed to say,
"I don't see color,"
but I don't see color.
So none of this
has anything to do with,
uh, white privilege
or systemic anything.
Got it, Jared.
I got it.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh my God!
Oh, sh--
You think I'm the bad guy,
but I'm not.
I'm only here tonight
because your grandpa invited me.
He knows I'm doing
important work
to save the planet
for your generation.
Give me
a f*cking break.
Your generation
ruined the planet.
Hey, language.
You need to improve
your outlook, young lady.
I mean, I don't think
you realize how lucky you are
to be living
where you do
Most of the world
now, you know,
it's total anarchy.
But we still have
law and order,
and we're still protecting
your freedoms.
Okay, look.
You don't understand this
because you're a kid,
and I get that, right?
But just when
the dust settles,
when we hit
our enlistment goal,
the great people
of this country
used to have
the really decent, the --
the righteous people,
they're gonna be gone.
Yeah, whatever.
No, no, no!
Enough with
the f*cking attitude!
After everything
I've done,
after everything
I've sacrificed,
you damn well better
show me some respect.
Boss, everything
okay in there?
Boss?
Yeah, Tony. I'm good.
It's all good. It's all good.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Look, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to frighten you.
I'm just -- I don't I know
what I'm talking about.
You know, I've been -- I've been
inside these people's homes.
I've sat
with their families.
And these aren't
the Richie Rich's of the world,
like your kind, they're
massive carbon footprints.
No, these are the -- These
people are salt of the earth.
They've worked hard
their whole lives
and just couldn't
catch a break.
That is, until the government
offered them
a quarter of a million,
tax free, dollars
to sacrifice themselves.
And now -- And now
they're dying happy
knowing that their families
are being taken care of.
You know?
I mean,
that's beautiful.
My wife, Ruth,
she enlisted on day 14.
Yeah, she had
Parkinson's for years,
but we managed,
you know, we managed.
It's all good.
Still, she decided that
since the enlistment program
didn't give two hoots
about preexisting conditions,
she might as well
sign up
and get the money
instead of die
for nothing,
you know?
Hey, I disagreed,
but I never
won an argument
in all our years
of marriage.
Look, I'm sorry that
you're all broken up
about what's going on
in your grandpa's house,
but come on,
come on.
Is it so wrong to
not want the new world
to be filled with terrible
people like your family?
No.
I guess not.
But I don't think
you care about that.
I just think you like
to watch people die.
Can it be both?
Jesus Christ, this is
so f*cking bleak.
I-I don't know, I--
Oh, God.
Jesus.
Is -- Is --
There's no way Bob
can just come in here
and f*cking k*ll him
so we don't have to?
No, he won't do it.
No, but he might.
He might. We could
at least ask him.
It's a waste of time.
That sadistic fucker
is loving
what's happening
in here.
This is what
he wanted all along.
If we want out,
we have to deliver the body.
Guys, the way
he looked at me
when he realized
I betrayed him.
I can't.
Yeah.
He could have finished
me off,
but he didn't.
Me too.
All right, Ash,
it's okay, we're gonna,
uh, just get this done
real quick.
It'll be over with
before you know it.
On three.
Yeah, okay.
On -- On three.
Okay.
- Ugh.
- Oh, God.
One.
Yep. One.
Two.
Ahh...
Three.
Noah?
Noah!
Noah, please!
Who's that?
Who's that?
Noah, are you
still here?
Ma'am,
stop right there.
You stay there.
Noah, where are you?
Ma'am.
Let me go.
I don't know what's
going on here,
but I'm recording
everything.
- Where is Noah?
- Holy sh*t.
That's Grace.
Oh, my God,
we're saved.
G-Grace!
Hey, hey,
you guys,
you're Noah's family,
right?
- Yeah.
- What's going on here?
Where's Noah?
Ma'am.
I can answer
all your questions.
I didn't ask you.
I asked them.
Get back in the house,
get them back
in the house right now.
Come on.
Mom!
Mia!
Back in there.
Ma'am, you're interfering
in official D.O.C.S. business.
That's
a federal offense.
D.O.C.S.?
I thought D.O.C.S.
just euthanized people.
We've diversified.
sh*t.
Hey! Hey!
Stop the vehicle!
Mom!
Mia!
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
Tony, help me
out here.
Just -- Careful!
She's a child!
Be gentle,
Tony, gentle.
Yorks,
back in the house.
You still
owe me a body.
Owe him a body?
What is going on here?
Where is Noah?
Tell me he's alive.
He is Grace,
he's alive.
But he needs help.
Please run
and get help.
Okay, okay.
I'm gonna go
get help.
Just tell Noah
I love him.
Go! Run! Run!
Stop her.
What?
They k*lled her.
They f*cking k*lled her!
She didn't do
anything.
So that's it, right?
You have your second body.
What, are you
kidding me?
She's not
my second body.
I'm here to collect
two York bodies.
Now get back
inside the house
and finish
what you started.
And don't you dare try
to pin this on me.
If your family did it's part,
that poor woman
would be alive right now.
Now get in there.
You've got 15 minutes.
I meant
go get her.
Don't.
Don't say anything.
Let's just go upstairs
and do what we have to do.
Don't think about it.
Let's just do it.
I mean, no, I wouldn't want
to be alive right now anyway.
That woman
lying dead out there
was his whole world.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, if -- if you
think about it,
we're really
doing him a favor.
I mean,
it's f*cked up,
but it's the right thing
to do.
Now it is.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Huh.
Noah?
f*ck.
Noah?
Noah?
We had nothing to do
with what happened to Grace.
Noah?
Come on, Noah,
we don't have much time.
I'm not mad anymore.
Noah, come on,
you're freaking us out.
This is bad.
This is so f*cking bad.
f*ck.
f*ck.
f*cking Noah.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Jesus Christ, Noah!
Noah.
No!
Noah, we're so sorry.
We're so sorry.
Noah!
Get off her!
f*ck you.
If Bob needs a body,
it can be this
lying bitch's body.
Please, just
leave her alone.
What would
Dad think?
Huh?
f*ck.
Ah! What would
Dad think?
Huh?
Ah! Ah!
Don't you f*cking
talk about him.
Okay, okay!
Just leave Ash alone.
I'm volunteering
for the procedure,
you don't
have to do it.
You don't have to do it.
I'm volunteering.
Everything that's
happened tonight
is on me.
You're not
the worst of us, Noah.
I am.
I'm cold,
I'm selfish.
So take me.
Please.
Just take her,
okay?
You -- You never wanted
fame or money.
You just wanted
a f*cking family.
Just flick the lights.
I'm ready, okay?
No, no, no.
It should be me.
'Cause I'm the eldest
and I'm supposed to
look out for you guys.
I was always supposed
to look out for you guys.
I never f*cking did.
Uh, a really bad brother.
And I'm a bad husband
and a bad father.
So if someone is
gonna have the procedure,
it should be me.
- I have nothing.
- Jared, stop!
You have Lucas.
He needs you
to be here for him.
And no one needs
a two-faced failure.
If anyone should do
the procedure,
it should be me.
f*ck that.
No one
is volunteering.
It has to
be one of us.
We have no choice.
I volunteered first.
No, we've always had
another choice.
Let's get Bob.
I need to
see my family.
You'll see them when
they blink the porch lights.
Not before.
By then
it'll be too late.
Someone I love
is gonna die in there.
Please. Please.
Please, Bob, please.
Please!
I need to say goodbye,
at least
Let me say goodbye!
Why?! Why won't
you let me see them?!
Just a little bit
longer, Ash.
Ash, stay with us.
f*ck, she's losing
a lot of blood.
Jared, hurry up.
Two more seconds.
Right,
you keeping pressure?
Yes.
Jared!
Okay, okay.
It's ready.
You're gonna have to
hold her down, though.
Ash, Ash.
Ash, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Ash.
It's not your fault.
It's supposed to be
me and you against the world.
And I screwed it up, Noah.
Aah, do -- do you want
to count down?
No.
Just f*cking do it.
Okay, here we go,
here we go, here we go.
Oh, no no, no,
I have to do it again.
I'm going in again.
I'm going.
Ash? Ash?
Ash, Ash,
come on.
Ashley, Ashley,
wake up!
Wake up!
Come on.
Ashley!
Well, times up,
one way or another.
We're nearly done here.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Huh.
Not who I expected.
Where are the rest
of you Yorks at?
We don't have
all night.
Okay.
Stop right there.
Shirts up.
Turn in a circle.
Well, whoever's
responsible for this,
I really appreciate you
saving us the effort of
bringing our equipment
back in here.
So thank you for that.
Let's get
the gurney in,
though, Tony.
We're all set
to go in here.
Okay, well, I guess
I owe you guys some money.
Now I can split the total
between the three of you.
But one of you is gonna get
a penny more than the others.
Some people wouldn't think
that's an issue,
but some families just fight
like crazy over it, you know?
Ahh! f*ck!
Shut the f*ck up.
Ashley, that was
quite a performance.
I've seen a lot
of dead bodies.
I'm not easily fooled.
Well done.
Hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
g*ns down
or they're dead!
Do it!
You don't want to
be doing this, Yorks.
We're all
bleeding out anyways.
You tell them to put their g*ns
down or you'll be joining us.
Put your g*ns down.
Do what he
f*cking says!
They're not listening.
They say it's hard to saw
through someone's windpipe, Bob.
But I bet I could do it
in just one swipe.
Okay, give them
your weapons.
Put your weapons down.
Hand over your weapons.
Put them down.
Down! f*cking down!
Do what they say.
Give it to me. Give me
your g*ns. Give me the--
He's gonna cut
his f*cking throat!
On the ground.
Hands on
your heads.
Listen.
Do as they say.
Now.
Hands on
your head.
Well, if you think we've
never been in a situation
like this before,
you'd be wrong.
So let me tell you
how this is gonna play out.
Ash.
Ashley.
Okay.
All right, I'm good.
Let's take him dow--
- I have --
- Shut up.
I have a son, too.
Tony Junior.
Cut it out or I'm gonna
swap you for Bob.
He's awake.
Boss, I'm sorry.
They forced me to show them
how to set everything up.
Tony, Tony, Tony,
Tony, it's okay.
I've got it all
under control, babe.
Oh, yeah.
This is not looking good
for you guys.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
Yeah, this is looking
really bad for us.
Well, I'm just saying,
based on what I'm seeing here,
not only are all of you
going to jail,
but the government now
has official custody
of both Mia and Lucas.
Excuse me?
Not me.
Or my company.
We're not in the minor
accommodation business, I swear.
However, if any D.O.C.S.
employee is injured
in the enactment
of their duties,
the perpetrator's children
automatically become
wards of the state.
It's true. Ask Tony.
It's true.
Don't k*ll me.
Yeah, and you should see
the deplorable conditions
at these facilities,
I mean,
remember the kids
in cages at the border?
Yeah, think that
but far worse. Far worse.
Oh, you probably want to
keep your f*cking hands
off our kids.
Then we're screwed
no matter what we do.
Huh, Bob?
No reason to
leave anyone alive.
Nugget, gonna
have to ask you
to step outside
again, okay?
I'm sorry about your wife.
It sounded like she was
a really nice person.
So I doubt the two of you
are going to end up
in the same place.
Look, um...
I know you're all
very upset.
I can -- I can tell --
I'm --
it's been -- it's been
a hell of a night, huh?
So here's what
I'm willing to do.
Just forget about
this whole situation.
And me and my man
will just pick up your sister
off the floor
and we'll go.
Okay?
Deal's a deal.
What do you say?
Come on.
That's not Ashley
on the floor.
It isn't?
Yeah, no, our first attempt
at the procedure
didn't go too well.
Tony forgot to tell us
to take the air out
of the IV tubes.
You ever see somebody die
of an embolism, Bob?
It's not quick.
It's not really fair
considering
that your friend k*lled
my girlfriend instantly.
But as my lovely sister
over here put it earlier...
f*ck fair.
Okay, I can save
you all.
I can save you.
I can save you
and your children.
I could have sworn you said
we were all doomed.
No, no, it's just
a matter of paperwork,
that's all, just -- I can write
something up
to cover for you.
You can cover us for
murdering a D.O.C.S. agent?
Yeah, yeah, I'll just
say that your father
reacted violently when --
when his wife departed
and took us by surprise.
That's actually happened.
My bosses will believe that.
And then when he calmed down,
he decided to go ahead
with the procedure
for his children's sake.
That part is true.
It's so true, right?
No, please.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
What about Dawn?
What about Dawn?
What about her?
We have our headquarters.
Yeah, yeah. We have--
I don't know
sh*t about that.
Okay, I'll bring Dawn
back to you.
You don't have to have
the procedure, you know.
Your family's given up enough.
Please don't push that.
Please don't push that.
You'll never see
her alive again.
They'll k*ll her
and it'll be on you.
It'll be all on you.
Come on.
Oh, hold on, hold on,
hold on, come on.
What don't you
people understand?
Huh? What? What?
There's a worldwide
crisis going on,
and I'm doing important work.
And you -- you -- you --
you -- you -- you -- you --
you're just a pieces
of human excrement
polluting the planet
with your every breath.
I don't deserve to die!
You deserve to die!
Not me!
You!
Week 40s enlisters
of the week
are Grace Dawson
and Ashley York,
Friends for years,
the inseparable pair
told our D.O.C.S.
procedure practitioner
that they chose
to enlist together
so they could inspire others
to do everything they could do
to help heal our ailing planet.
It was a beautiful procedure,
ranked right up there
with the best of them.
Grace and Ashley,
a grateful nation thanks you.
Humane (2024)
Moderator: Maskath3