02x02 - Lovesick

[bunniefuu]

HANK:
Previously on Royal Pains.

How about today,
we save two for
the price of one?

ADMlNlSTRATOR:
You let a billionaire
hospital trustee die

to save some kid
off the street.

l made a judgment call.
You made a mistake.

EVAN: This trip
is going get you
back on your feet.

HANK: What trip?
To the Hamptons.

Boris Kuester
von Jurgens-Ratenicz.

Stay in my guest cottage
for the summer.

Be my concierge doctor.

JlLL: Concierge doctor to
the rich, and an on-call
doctor to the rest of us.

A Robin Hood
of medicine.

Apparently, the check
you wrote them

for our new portable
EKG machine just bounced.

What's up?
We're broke.

What do you
mean, broke?
We got scammed.

By who?

HANK: I can't believe
you didn't tell me

that Dad took
all our money.

All right, so it took
a little longer
than l thought.

lt's still the same
shade of green.

Ow. Ow.

Some right you got there,
Hank, huh?

l would know.

Oh, yeah, you look
like the real
barroom-brawl type.

Yeah, looks can
be deceiving.

Okay.
All done, Rocky.

[SCOFFlNG]

The setup you've got
here is just amazing.

Look at this.
My sons, huh?

One's a doctor.
One's a businessman.

You're working together.
This is too much.

l mean, l remember
when you were still
little pishers.

You need directions
to the highway?

Look, l understand
about the check, okay.

lt didn't cover
the whole thing.

But you know that
l'm still good for it.

We know
you're good
for it, Dad.

Oh, yeah,
he's good for it.

Come on. Hank!

You know, Hank,

l've had a pain
in my heart
for 20 years

since the last time
l saw you.

Today, first time,
it's gone.

Drive safe.

What was that?
You all right?

Yeah. Yeah,
l'm fine.

Okay, stop, are your eyes
sensitive to the light?

Well, it's a little glary.

lt's a sign
of a concussion.

Okay, that's it.

You're not driving
with a concussion, Dad.

We're not gonna let him drive
with a concussion, right?

Doctor?

l'll get some Tylenol
and a blanket.

Pops,

can you walk?
Huh? Yeah.

Oh, God.

Evan!

Oh, my God.
They're here?

They sure are.

What is it?

lt's opportunity, Hank.

Souvenirs.
Yes.

People are gonna see this,
and they're gonna think
Dr. Hank Lawson.

No, they'll wonder
if l'm a physician
or batting cleanup.

[MlMlCKlNG]
No, they're gonna wonder

if l'm a physician
or batting cleanup.

You're not funny.
So good.

Why are we spending money
we don't have

on merchandise nobody needs?

l ordered them
before the incident, okay?

l would return them.
They're customized.

What do you want me to do?
lt's a good business move.

Where's Eddie R.?

Who knows?
He just...
He took off?

Don't worry.
l'm sure he'll call
in 20 years.

Eddie R. will be back,
okay?

Not that l'm keeping
score or anything,

but back at the Waldorf,
you also said

he wasn't coming back,
but then he came back,

so let the record show
that you were wrong.

The record will reflect that.

Get ready.
We gotta go.

So awesome.

l'm thirsty.

HANK: Why are we here?

To welcome back
Ms. Newberg's stepdaughter.

Where was she?
l don't know.

Who is she?
No idea.

So, why are we here?
Out of respect.

Ms. Newberg's
one of our top clients.

And given
our current predicament,

financially, we can't afford

to pass up any opportunity
to drum up business.

Know what l mean?
l'll catch up with
you later.

WOMAN: Do you want
a glass of champagne?

[CHATTERlNG]

Hello, Ms. Newberg.
Ms. Casey.

Hello, Dr. Lawson.

Congratulations on
the homecoming of your...

Save it, Hank.

She didn't come home?

She came home,
all right.

She was supposed
to come home
from Lyon, France,

where she was supposed
to be finishing

at a very prestigious
cooking school.

Turns out she had met
an American guy in France,

quit cooking school,
and followed him
to San Francisco,

where he teaches yoga.

We do not approve.
Mmm.

l've heard this story
three times.

Got it.
l thought she was going

to come home
a confectioner.

lnstead, she's doing
downward-facing dog

in my living room
with a man

who wears athletic shorts
for a living.

Jill, why can't Blake
find a nice, young
doctor like you did?

Oh, uh...

Well, we're not
together anymore.

You're single?
Perfect.

Blake, there's someone
l want you to meet.

Oh, doesn't Blake
have a...

Blake, this is Hank.

Hank is my doctor.

Tutu, not again.

And he's single.
Right, Jill?

Uh, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

lt's nice to meet you.
This is my boyfriend Jamie.

Oh, yeah, l wasn't...
lt's okay.

You are the third single man

Ms. Newberg
has introduced Blake to.

Apparently,
l haven't made the cut.

Oh.
Tell him
what you do, Jamie.

Well, aside
from loving Blake,

l teach yoga.

Stop being so humble.

He owns six yoga
studios throughout
northern California,

not to mention
that he writes a blog

and travels the world
promoting wellness.

l have no idea
what that means.

Tutu's been doing this
since l got out of college.

lf a man isn't a lawyer,
a doctor or a banker,

then he isn't
worth considering.

And since l married
all three,

Tutu would know.

l'm sorry, guys.
Tutu?

l married her father
when she was
just a year old.

So l was her second mother
and she called me two.

For some reason
l kept repeating it,

and it became Tutu.
And then it stuck.

WOMAN: Hi, how are you?
MAN: l'm fine.

She really is giving
this marrying Raj
thing 100%.

Yeah, nothing
says commitment

like feeding
another human being
shellfish in public.

[JlLL GASPS]

And l thought
it was free bat day.

This...
Oh, God.

...is awesome.
l know.

EVAN: [CHUCKLlNG]
Just look at this!

lt's subliminal.

l don't think you know
what subliminal means.

lt's just
good advertising.

l put a HankMed head
on every third table.

HankMed head?
Yeah.

Oh, this just keeps
getting better.

lt's catchy, right?
HankMed head.

Okay. Pick up and destroy
every one of 'em.

Come on,
look how cute...
Every one.

Now. Go.

JlLL: Wait, no.

This HankMed Head would
sell for a fortune
at my yard sale.

But then again,
how do you put a price
on something like this?

You're having
a yard sale?

Well, technically,
it's a ''sell everything

''that Charlie ever owned,
touched or gave me'' sale,

but that was too tricky
to put on a sign.

Those are brutal.
Do you have help?

Well, no,

not yet, but l'll manage.

lf you need
an extra pair of hands,

we could do...
Yeah.

HANK: Yeah.

lt's Blake.
She's in trouble.

[HYPERVENTlLATlNG]

Lungs and heart
sound normal.

All right,
tell me exactly
what happened.

Well, we were...
We had been...

This is my fault.
l had Blake doing

an advanced pose
and got carried away.

So, you two were doing yoga
in the middle of your party?

You have to understand.
Blake hates parties.

l hate being the center
of attention.

l hate being the center
of anything.

Tutu wanted this.

BLAKE: She'll find any
excuse to throw a party.

Like, it's Tuesday.

So, you were doing yoga.

lt started out as yoga.

But with the sound
of the ocean
and the sea air

and Blake being
so beautiful...

You weren't doing
any type of dr*gs to
heighten the yoga?

No way.
Yoga is our drug.

Oh. Okay.

l'm really feeling
much better.

And we took the red-eye,

and with the heat,
l think l just
need some rest

and get my dignity back,
if that's possible.

[LAUGHS] All right,
well, look,

we'll do a follow-up
tomorrow morning.

Today, take it easy.
No more yoga
or anything strenuous.

Would it be
inappropriate to ask

how much for the two
right-handed boxing gloves?

Wow. ls there anything
you're not selling?

Oh, this is just Charlie's.

There are twice as many
boxes in the basement
full of my stuff.

And they're not gonna carry
themselves out, Doctor,

although l wish they would.

l know, it's a pain.
l can't thank
you guys enough.

l have too much crap.

ln my house, in my life.

Time to simplify.

Are these part
of Jill's yard sale, too?

No, we're neighbors,
and l helped her
pack the boxes,

so in return,
Jill is letting me
hock my goods here.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, these belts are nice.
Are they pleather?

Excuse me?

Are they real leather,
or are they polyester?

Cute. No, everything l make
is genuine animal hide.

Oh.
You can go into town

and find a belt
of less quality
for 10 times the amount.

l sell quality
and affordability.

Cute. All right.

l am going to take
one of your belts.

ln fact,
l'm gonna take two.

[CLEARS THROAT] Two belts.
l'll give you 10 bucks.

No? l'll give you $20.
No.

lsn't it traditional
to haggle at a yard sale?

lt's not gonna happen.
Wow. You're tough.

Cash okay?

Mmm-hmm.

Actually,
l'm Evan R. Lawson.

l'm CFO of HankMed.

Do you think that
you could make,

like, a HankMed
wallet for me?

l just think
it would look
really cool.

ln fact, maybe we could
have coffee later
and discuss product.

Well, l'd have to
ask my husband.

Yeah.
Could even be
tea if you want.

Quality and
affordable tea.

Everything okay, honey?
Fine, honey.

This nice man just bought
a couple of my belts

and wants to take me
out for tea.

Yeah. This nice man is also
a card-carrying member

of the Police
Benevolent Association.

l'm also
a belt aficionado
and the brother

of Dr. Hank Lawson,
the renowned doctor.

ln fact, there he is.
Hank!

Hey, you want me
to help you out?

Wonderful to meet you,

and l'm loving

what you got going
with the uniform.

You wear it really well.

l've helped
enough friends
with yard sales

to know that
you only do it

when you've known
someone way too long

or you owe them
big time.

And since neither
is the case with us,

l just want
to say thank you.

lt's been
kind of fun.

Like an anthropological study.

l mean, who knew
people actually had
waterbeds?

ln our entire marriage,
that bed is the only place

where Charlie and l
were ever
really compatible.

Honestly,
it's not something
that Raj and l

will be dealing with
until after the wedding.

Bed. Compatible.

Us.
Wait.

You mean,
you and Raj haven't...

Our culture believes
that a man and a woman

don't consummate their union
until after the wedding.

Well, l'm a big fan
of tradition,

but what if the sex
isn't great?

Or even good?

You need to find that out
before you marry Raj.

You know, given
how neither here nor there

you and Jill have become,

l really feel like l wasn't
as awkward around her
as l thought l would be.

God, l'm so happy for you.

lt's just you guys
have an animal chemistry.

You know that?
Like, it's palpable.

You can smell it.

No, that's those
belts you bought.

[LAUGHS]

[POLlCE SlREN BEEPS]

What'd you do?
Nothing.

Are you going
the speed limit?

Yeah.
Oh, my God.

That's a bum rap.

Oh, my God.

lt's that cop.
What cop?

lt's the one
who saw me with Sherri.

Who's Sherri?
[WHlSPERS] lt's his wife.

lt was HankMed business.

Okay.

Hey, Officer.
Hi.

Please step
out of the car.

Okay, look,
it was just tea.

l swear to God,
just tea, man.

Not you.

Oh.
Him?

Walk to the squad car.

You want me to...
Why... Okay.

l have a rash.

A rash?

Oh. Okay.

Uh, where?

[SlGHS] For my sake,
l hope you practice

doctor-patient
confidentiality.

Uh-huh.

lt started down there
a couple days ago,

and it spread.
lt's just getting worse.

All right, l'll have
to do a blood test.

Not at my house,
you won't.

l don't want my wife
seeing this.

l've kept it from her
the last couple days.

l don't keep
things from her.

Okay, then
we'll have to make

an appointment for you
to come to my place.

Blake, look who's here
for your follow-up!

Hey.
l totally forgot.

[JAMlE lNSTRUCTlNG]

Yeah, you know what?

l'm gonna hold
your spot for you.

JAMlE: Root down
in your standing leg
as your right knee lifts

towards the chest.

Have you noticed
any pain or swelling

in your legs?

Crazy soreness.

Nothing that wouldn't
come from a few of
Jamie's yoga classes.

l'm a yoga newbie.

Well, you look like
you're in great shape.

Thanks to Jamie.

But you know what they say.

Being in love
is the best diet.

l gave up meat, wine,
cigarettes. l feel great.

Except for the fact
that you couldn't catch
your breath yesterday

and nearly collapsed.

l told you. l was tired
and a little overexerted.

lt may be overexertion,

but the symptoms you had
line up with cocaine

and other
amphetamines.

Hank, l don't do dr*gs.

Have you been
using any new creams,
shampoos or soaps?

lt's a thing
my girlfriend
gave to me.

lt keeps guys
attracted to you.

l had a reaction,
so l stopped.

A topical pheromone?

You have no idea
how hard it is

to date a guy
who's younger

and has zero body fat.

Blake,
is there anything else
you want to tell me?

Maybe l've taken
some diet pills

to keep my energy up
and my appetite down.

And a sleep aid
now and then.

Some antianxiety pills
twice a day.

Divya's gonna bring you
a heart monitor.

You'll need to wear it
for the next 24 hours.

lt'll let us track
your heart's activity.

24 hours?

So we can make sure
that you're okay.

ls that a problem?
l guess not.

EVAN: lt's just wrong.
lt's not...

People shouldn't be
able to bend around
and check their own backs

for moles.
lt's unnatural.
[CELL PHONE RlNGlNG]

lt's... Ugh. Ow.

Hello.

He was about to rent
a room earlier.

He tried to use your name
to get a lower rate.

But then he changed
his mind and left.

The security guard
found him.

l don't think
he's breathing.

What?

l was going to
call the police,

but since you're a doctor.
Dad.

Dad!
Hey!

Dad!
Hey!

Oh, my God. Dad!

EVAN: Oh, my God.

Here, give me this.

[EDDlE EXCLAlMlNG]

He's moving.

lt's a rental!

Dad, we thought
you were dead.

Dead?
How about sleeping?

You know,
you're a heavy sleeper.

Yeah,
we practically turned
the car over, Pops.

l took an Ambien.

l didn't think
anybody would notice.

lt's not very easy
sleeping in your car.

Which raises the question,
what are you doing

sleeping in a car?

Well, l didn't
feel welcome

at your place.

And l made a pact
with myself

that l wouldn't spend
another dime of my money

until l paid
my boys back.

And why are you here?

Didn't you have
some business
to tend to?

Yes, yes.

But l'm waiting for the rest
of the money to arrive.

lt should be here in an hour,
tomorrow at the latest.

No, no, why are you...
What are you doing here?

Because l wanted to hand it
to you personally.

Because that worked out
so well yesterday.

[CHUCKLES]

All right,
if it's tomorrow,

what are you gonna
do tonight?

Where are you gonna sleep?
Are you kidding?

l got an ocean view.

l've got a stereo system.

Because of you,
l got fresh air.

One more night.

Okay, but you show up
after business hours.

And when l wake up,
l don't want muffins
or coffee.

l just want you gone.

Okay? For good.

Done.

So, John, l'm not sure
what this rash is

or where it came from,

but we'll run
a battery of tests
to narrow it down.

Based on the look of it,
l am going to test for an STD.

Let's save you the time
and me the money.

l don't cheat.

When we first
started dating,
l strayed once.

Sherri almost left me.

l swore l'd never
do it again.

And l haven't.

l love my wife.

[CELL PHONE RlNGS]

Yeah?

Hey. Uh, bad time?

Uh, sort of.

Okay, l'll be quick.
l've got a favor to ask.

My friend Sherri
from the yard sale,

she has a rash.

Down there.

You think you could
stop by and take a look?

Uh, yeah, sure,
l'll be right over.

Okay, great.
Thanks.

Everything okay?

[WHlSPERS NERVOUSLY] Yeah.

DlVYA: Guest list
is down to 350.

RAJ: An intimate affair.

Talk to your mum.

She's inviting every
Bandyopadhyay on the planet.

l closed with
the photographer,

we have a tasting
with the caterer,

and l'd like for us
to talk about,

uh, well...

Our compatibility.

You would?

Me, too.

Really?

Yes, l've been giving it
a lot of thought.

You have?

l feel signing a prenup
is good for both of us.

And our families.

A prenup?

l know it's not
the most traditional custom,

but more and more
young couples
we know are doing it.

l was about to
suggest it myself.

You were?

Good. l'll have my lawyer
draw one up right away.

Good.

[GRUNTS]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You need a hand there?

[EXHALES]

You okay?
l'm suffering
from a condition

known as a complete lack
of coordination.

And l've had it
since birth.

[LAUGHS]

l'll see if l can find
a treatment for that.

ln the meantime,
l need to take a look

at the readouts
from your heart monitor.

You haven't
been wearing it.

You've seen me do yoga.

Please don't make me look
any sillier than l already do.

Look, Blake,
l know the monitor's

not the most
fashion-forward
accessory,

but l need you to wear
the halter to rule out
arrhythmia.

[SlGHS]

Does it by any chance
come in sun-kissed yellow?

All right.

l love this kitchen.

Right.

l always knew that you guys
would land on your feet.

'Cause that's
what the Lawsons do.

[LAUGHS]

l gotta say, right now,

we're feeling
a little on our knees

because of what happened
with our money.
Yeah?

What did happen
with our money, by the way?

Are you kidding?
No.

BlueSky happened.

The green tech company.

Don't you remember
the low-interest,
guaranteed government loans?

The tax credits?

Are you telling me
you forgot?

No, l was talking
about how you went

into HankMed's
bank account

and cleaned it out.

Evan, you gave me
the password.

Yeah, for the first wire.

Right? You told me
the window was closing.

And it did.

l got the inside word
on their lPO.

You didn't tell me
that was all your money.

l thought it was some kind
of investment fund.

l'm pretty sure
l didn't leave out

the ''it's all
our money'' part.

Yeah, well, never mind.

You're gonna get
your money back,
day or two.

Week tops.

Okay, so first,
it was a few hours.

Mmm-hmm.

Then it was a day or two.

Right.
Now it's a week?

Yeah, l know.
My colleague let me down.

[SCOFFS] l lit into him.

Trust me.

Can l?
Mmm-hmm.

Yes.

Okay.
Okay.

Oh, l got you something.
You did?

Mmm-hmm.

[lMlTATES WHlP CRACK]

See.

This is beautiful.
Check it out.

Oh, you've got
the same one.
Yeah.

Huh?
What is this,
alligator?

l don't know.
lt's authentic,
dead something.

What's that smell?

lt's meatloaf
à la Lawson.

lt's our favorite,
remember?

Hello, Hank.

Hi. Could you smoke
that outside?

Montecristo.
This is cubano.

The real thing.
Where'd you get this?

lt was a gift
from a patient.

Listen.

l am so glad you're here.

l live here.
Can we talk
for a minute?

Love to.

What you did
to us back then

was gutless and pitiful.

l guess the upside is,
by age 15,

l knew exactly
the type of man

l would never
let myself become.

l understand
that your life
went south

when Mom died,
but so did my life.

She was my life.

You didn't leave
when Mom died.

You took off
when she got sick.

You missed
the worst part.

You have no idea
what you missed.

What are you doing?
Where are you going?

You're not gonna stay
for dinner?

You know what?
l've got a little business
to attend to,

but l'm gonna
see you later.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

[REFRlGERATOR DOOR SLAMS]

lt's been 20 years.

People can change.

Evan,

you may not remember this,

but after he took off,
you cried every night
for weeks.

You'd fall asleep
by the front door

just waiting
and waiting and waiting

for him to come
walking in.

lt's 'cause l loved him.

You loved him.
You worshipped him.

And he loved us.

l don't care if he did
what he did or not.

When he was there,
he was a great father.

l know it sounds weird
to say now,

but you know it.

Forget what he did to us.

Think about what
he did to Mom.

How could
you ever
forgive that?

lt's messed up.
Yeah.

He messed up really bad.
Uh-huh.

Horrible, right?
Right.

Twenty years ago.

And now he's back.

He's in our lives.

Our dad.

And he's sorry.

Yeah, l forgive him.

l do.

At some point,
you're gonna have
to forgive him.

At some point, you're gonna
have to realize l won't.

Hello, Officer.

l'm Divya Katdare.

l'm Dr. Lawson's
physician assistant.

He'll be right in
with your test results.

Dr. Lawson didn't say
anyone else would be here.

No one else was supposed
to know about this.

Everything between us
is confidential.

SHERRl: l bet it is.

Baby, what are
you doing here?

Don't you ''baby'' me.

You've been acting
weird for days,

so l followed you
when you left for work,

only you didn't
go to work.

You're here with her.

No. No.

No, no, no, no.

l am not...
Not a ''her''.

l'm not here with her.

l'm here because...
Well, because... Doc.

Tell Sherri it's nothing.

Dr. Lawson,
why are you here?

How do you know
Dr. Lawson?

How do you know
Dr. Lawson?

Okay,
am l free to talk
to you both

about your
test results?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Okay, you both have
rashes, all right?

And when investigating
a strange rash,

we test for
various diseases.

ln this case,
it is standard to
test for syphilis.

Unfortunately,
your tests came
back positive.

Syphilis?

lt's important that
we contact all your
sexual partners,

so they can...

Sexual partners?

What were you doing
while l was in Texas?

What were you doing
while you were in Texas?

l never cheat on you.

You already did it once.

And you kept this
rash from me,

so who's to say
what else you're keeping?

There must be some
other way we got this.

l'm sorry.
l wish l had
better news.

Hey.
Hey, have l got

good news for you.
Oh, my God.

Just being here
is good news.

How did you do this?

l've been trying
to get tee time
for weeks.

l know a guy.

Now, you see
those two old-timers
on the first tee?

EVAN: Yeah,
with outfits like that,
how could l miss 'em?

The guy's wearing
kilt pants.

No, no, no.
On the golf course,

the louder the clothes,
the deeper the pockets.

Now, the guy
with the belly.

He runs a company
called we-diagnose.net.

And the other,
the wiry one,

he's the president
of a company they call,

and l kid you not,

Cash Technologies.

Cash Technologies?
That is inspired.
Hello.

One of them's got
a chronic back problem,

and the other one
has a prostate so big,

he's gotta sleep
in a wetsuit.

Two whales waiting
for their Ahab.

And prime HankMed clients,

if we play our cards right.

lf we do this together,

what's in it for you?

l'm helping my boys.

l owe you that.

l owe you so much more.

Okay.

All right.

All right,
let's play some golf.

Uh, one problem.

[WHlSPERlNG]
Um, l suck at golf.

Exactly.

Get your clubs.

Hey.
Oh, hey.

What's on the menu?

Smells like...

Well, it's gluten-free
vegetarian casserole

with soy balls on the side.

That's exactly
what it smells like.

l'm here to take off
your monitor.

Oh, thanks.

lf my teachers at
École Le Cordon Bleu

saw this,
they'd kick me out,

if l hadn't have
quit already.

l like to cook
when l'm stressed.

Mmm, l like to eat
when l'm stressed.

l do that, too.

[CELL PHONE CHlMES]
There you go.

Oh, l'm getting
a text from Jamie.

Would you mind?

Uh, sure.

Uh, ''My dearest Blake,

''when we met
you were a baking student,

''a carnivore
and a smoker,

''the yin to my yang.

''Now you've become
a yoga aficionado,

''vegan non-smoker.

''As a result,
you've become

''the yang to my yang.''

Go on.

''l feel terrible
and l'm truly sorry
to have to do this,

''but as we all know,

''two yangs can
never survive together.

''l will love you always,

''just not that way.

''Namaste. ''

l am so sorry.

l can't believe
this is happening.

Jamie was my...
The one.

l'm not sure anyone
who breaks up in a text

could ever be the one.

Guess who ordered
finger sandwiches.

[SNlFFLlNG]

Blake.

Tutu.

[CRYlNG]

He broke up with me.

l should probably...

Hey, thanks again
for helping me.

Again.
[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, that's
what friends are for.

Oh.

Feel good getting rid
of all this stuff?

Yeah. Yeah.

lt's a little scary
getting rid of the clutter.

And there was
a lot of clutter.

[BOTTLE CAPS CLATTER]

Mmm, Sherri kicked
him out.

Hmm.

They were
the perfect couple.

So perfect, it almost
bordered on unfair.

lf they can't make it,
what chance do
the rest of us have?

Which is why
it's a good thing

we decided
to just stay friends.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Better that way.
So much better.

Yeah.

[CELL PHONE RlNGS]

HANK: Hello?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, Ms. Newberg.

No, listen, listen,
l'll meet you
at Hamptons Heritage.

No, no, no.
You have to let the EMTs
take her to the hospital

if she's having
a heart attack.

What's going on?
What is it?

Looks like a heart attack.

Why didn't you let them
take her to Hamptons Heritage?

She's bad enough here.

l don't need the hospital
to make it any worse.

No offense.
None taken.

Hank?
Blake, you are in
congestive heart failure,

which needs
immediate attention
in a hospital.

Hank, just let me die.

Please.

All right,
Hamptons Heritage it is.

Okay, let's go,
let's go.

EKG is consistent
with an anterior wall STEMl.

All right, we'll
take it from here.

We'll go to the cath lab,
get a better look
at her coronary arteries.

We'll figure
this out, Blake.

l've got
the monitor results.

l need to take a look
at the latest lab tests.

l'll get that for you.
Great.

How's she doing?
Not great.

What act of God
got Mrs. Newberg

to set foot in this place?

Motherhood.

Hey, guys, here we go.

That's odd.

Blake's earlier results
are completely clean.

No abnormal activity
in the past 24 hours.

l mean, she seemed fine
when l saw her earlier.

Physically, that is.

What do you mean?

While l was there,
Jamie dumped her

by text.

The poor thing was
so crushed.

How crushed?

Well, heartbroken.

Take me to the cath lab.

Okay.

You aren't having
a heart attack.

l'm not?

Uh, okay, you see
the shape of your heart?

Uh-huh.
There's apical ballooning

of the left ventricle,

which has been
temporarily
weakened by stress.

You're experiencing
Tako-Tsubo syndrome.

Tako what?

lt's Japanese
for an octopus trap,

which is exactly what
your heart looks like
right now.

lt's usually triggered
by deep emotional stress.

That's my favorite kind.

[CHUCKLES]

When the episode
happened at my party,

l was worried about
whether or not
Tutu liked Jamie.

And then at yoga
when the younger girls

were flirting with Jamie,

my chest tightened.

And then the text.

Tako-Tsubo is also known
as broken-heart syndrome.

lt appears Jamie wasn't
good for you or your heart.

Tutu's never gonna let me
live this one down.

l have no desire
to get married

while preparing
for a divorce.

[SlGHlNG]

l know you're
not sure about us.

l wasn't.

l am now.

But if you have
any doubts,

maybe we shouldn't
go through with it.

You were the one
who wanted to talk

about compatibility.

Physical compatibility, Raj.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh.

But l thought
you wanted to wait
until after our wedding.

l changed my mind.

So you never
wanted a prenup.

All l want is this.

Look, we've ruled out
everything that would
give a false positive

from the FTA-ABS test.

You think
he cheated on her.

Mmm.

l believe him,
and not just because
he's an officer of the law.

l believe the blood
test that showed
they both have syphilis.

l mean,
if he did it once...

People can change.

Maybe, but, you know,
some guys have trouble

staying focused.
Look at Jamie.

And while l respect
your faith in humankind,

we've ruled out lupus,
diabetes mellitus,

alcoholic cirrhosis,
viral infections.

What else could it be?

HankMed is officially back.

l just signed two
new super-sized clients.

Super-sized.

With Dad's help,
by the way.

Dad's help?

Whales, Hank.
Like, whales.

Big whales.
Bigger than whales.

What's bigger
than a whale?
Nothing.

Whale it is.

Closed them
on a golf course,
no less.

Ah, explains
the Caddyshack getup.

Hey, the louder
the clothes,
the deeper the pockets.

Which explains that
reptile you have tied
around your pants.

The... This is like...

You know how much
this thing cost?

Someone isn't paying
you to wear that?

l bought it
at Jill's yard sale.

Her neighbor makes them.

Sherri?
The cop's wife?
Mmm-hmm.

She tried
to sell me a pair

of the most
hideous shoes

made out of the hide
of some rodent.

Honestly, they looked
like oven mitts with heels.

Did she say what this
was made of?

What? Look, if you're
thinking of calling PETA,

it's free-range,
it's organic, it's fine.

Did she mention armadillo?

No. What are you... No.

That would be
a fashion faux pas anyway.

You can't wear armadillo
after Memorial Day

or before.

So ever, really.

On it.

HANK: Sherri,
yesterday you said
you went to Texas.

Can you tell me what
you were doing there?

More like who
she was doing.

[SlGHS] l work
with a hide ranch
outside of Austin.

lt's where
l get the materials
for my exclusive line.

Are there any
armadillos there?

Yes. l'm the only designer
on the entire east coast

specializing
in armadillo accessories.

lt's my shtick.

Have you ever
been scratched

or bitten by one
of the armadillos?

Um, just a little nick.
lt was nothing.

Okay. Here's
the good news.

l don't think
you have syphilis.

l have to run
some further tests,

but there is a disease
that causes a rash,

like you both have,

and gives a false positive
on syphilis blood tests.

So then you didn't...

And you didn't.

What you probably have
is called Hansen's disease,

and the only species that
carries it other than us

is armadillos.

A few weeks of antibiotics
will clear it up
for the both of you,

though, legally,
we will have to
notify county health.

You said
it wasn't serious.

lt's not, but Hansen's
has been known in the past

by a different name,

leprosy.
Leprosy?

Are you sure
we don't have syphilis?

Yes, and don't worry.

You're not so infectious

that you can't
resume your normal
social activities.

lt's just the
health department

has defined leprosy
as a reportable disease.

Well, if it isn't
that infectious,
then how did we get it?

Prolonged
skin-to-skin contact,

such as a husband
and wife might have

during intimate moments.

Hansen's is
completely treatable.

You will both be fine.

With the medications
and talk therapy,

you should
recover nicely.

Talk therapy?

l don't understand why
she does this to herself.

l made sure she was raised
by the best nannies.

Well, besides myself...

That came out wrong.

No, no, look,
it came out fine.

With talk therapy,
there isn't a right
or wrong.

Then how do you know
it's working?

Well, hopefully,
when you feel better.

Along with the diuretics
and mild tranquilizers.

Blake, look, l know
there's a lot of stress

in finding
the right person,

but you gotta find a way
to take the pressure off.

l try, but
every time l do,

Tutu puts it back on.

l just want her
to be happy.

Ms. Newberg,

maybe you should worry
about Blake a little less.

lt might be good
for both of you.

l just want my baby
to be okay.

l am, Tutu.
Thank you.

You may not be
my flesh and blood,

but you're more.

You're my heart.

We've talked a lot
about Hansen's disease.

ln the olden
and not-so-olden days,

misinformation
led to a tragic stigma

of leprosy.

EVAN: But ifyou or
someone you love

has been touched
by Hansen's disease...

We're gonna be late
for Newberg.

Hold on one sec.
Just watch this.

So this is
Evan R. Lawson,

CFO of HankMed, saying

just because
you have leprosy

[MOUTHlNG]
doesn't mean
you have to be a leper.

l'm afraid to ask.

One of the whales
l beached,

he owns, l mean, amongst
a million other things,

this site called
we-diagnose.net.

lt's like
the perfect subliminal
marketing crossover.

You really should
look that up.

What, subliminal?

Oh, and this is probably

his signed
retainer agreement

and a check.

There's a check,

But it's not
from the whale.

Dad paid us back.

Every penny.

How does it feel to be
so consistently wrong?

ln this case,
l'm not so sure
how it feels.

As much as l'd like
to tape Eddie's check

over our cash register,

l guess you should
deposit it,

after our thank-you lunch
with Newberg.

Just be nice to Blake,
all right?

When you saved Newberg's dog,
we got a Tesla.

You just saved
her step-daughter.

That means we're gonna get,
like, an infinity pool

or a helicopter or,
like, a...

No, a G5.
We're getting a G5.
That's what it is.

So you take the girl,
l'll take the jet.

l don't want the girl.
l'll take them both then.

Hank? Perfect timing.

Lunch is just
being put out.

Allow me.
Oh.

Blake called
this morning from Lyon.

She decided to go back
and finish cooking school.

She sounds so happy.

There's no greater joy

than seeing your child happy.

Every parent deserves that.

And, Hank, l've gotta
say thank you.

Your advice
was very meaningful.

My advice?

Well, after we spoke,
l decided to forget
about Blake

and her love life and focus
a little bit more on mine.

So, in the last three days,
l found the most
wonderful man.