07x02 - False Start

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Royal Pains...

Somebody needs Mama's help, yeah?
I'll be right back, okay?

You're choking on something,
and I'm going to get it out.

Hey, what are you guys doing?
That is my daughter.

You'll have to take this up
with Child Protective Services.

Get your...
Get your hands off me!

Ma'am? You're under arrest.

What?
[SASHI CRIES]

Hello. Uh, I'm Dr. Jeremiah Sacani.
I'm looking for Divya Katdare.

Is that how you say it?

Yes. Katdare.
I'm her friend.

Your friend's a real
piece of work.

Uh, I'm here to take her home.

Sorry.
She's staying the night.

Is that necessary, Chief Kern?

It's Officer Kern.
And yes.

Uh, may I ask why?

Well, let's see. For starters,
she assaulted a police officer.

Divya?
Are you certain?

Pretty certain, since it was me
when I tried to restrain her.

I'm sorry, that must have been
very difficult for you.

Why were you trying
to restrain her?

We found Ms. Katdare's daughter left
alone in a Range Rover on Windmill Lane,

while she was out shopping.

And to get out of it, she claimed
that she had just arrived

and was a doctor or something,

helping someone in
medical distress.

Divya is a physician assistant.

It's a fully respected and
accredited profession.

Okay.
Have a good night.

Maybe you could
corroborate her timeline with

the credit card record from
her parking meter.

I have someone on that
right now.

Did she call 911? If so, I'm sure
you've also checked the call logs.

If Ms. Katdare were helping
someone in medical distress,

I'm sure the call logs would certainly
support her version of the events.

What do you think about "Papa"?
Oh, Evan.

Is that too Hemingway?
Then, what, just "Dad"?

"Daddy"?
Everyone says "Daddy".

"Sir".
Is that too formal?

Don't you think you're
jumping the g*n just a bit?

I'm just excited.

Who knew trying to make
a baby could be this much fun?

Well, just think about
how much more fun it will be

when we're back in
our own place.

Why, you're not
comfortable here?

Listen, I...

I really appreciate Hank letting
us crash here. It's just...

What, no privacy?
Yeah.

Voices carry?
Mmm-hmm.

I hear you.

Hank probably can, too,
actually.

Oh, that makes me feel
so much better.

Yeah.

Where are you going?

To get a glass of water.

You can't.

What if Hank's date
hasn't left yet?

What if they're doing their
own baby-making down there?

Just use the bathroom sink.

We really need to get
back to our own place.

As soon as snakes stop
popping out of our chimney.

"Pops".

Mmm... All right...

MAN: [SINGING]
Where the sidewalk ends

The road begins

Right.

Well, good morning.
Uh...

And I take it you had
a good evening, as well.

Shh. Not so much.

You made her sleep outside?
No, of course not.

When she finally let me
go upstairs at 4:00 a.m.,

I told her to sleep on
the couch. But...

You know what?

HANK: Everything was okay...
At first.

Are you going to finish that?

Uh... I... No.

No.
Mmm.

I've got nothing against
a hearty appetite.

But after my steak, she polished
off two bottles of wine.

Oh. It's still going.

But the topper was...

Doctor Delicious?

Yeah?

Can you check out this thingy

I have on my forehead?

I just... I want
to make sure it's

not a tumor

or a cyst or

something really bad.

It's...

Yeah.

Okay. So, it's more of a good
news, bad news situation.

Um, you don't have a tumor, but
you do have a tick up there.

Oh.

I knew I shouldn't have
slept in that guy's truck.

Oh.

I couldn't let her drive home
like that, so here she is.

Yeah.

What are you boys
whispering about?

You made her sleep outside?

No... I did not
make her sleep outside.

Oh. Hello.

Good morning.

Oh.

Jeez. Oh, my head.

Becki, this is my brother,
Evan, and his wife, Paige.

I will get you some Aspirin.

A dozen or two
should do the trick.

Yeah.

Hi, there.
Nice to meet you.

Oh...

Well, this isn't
too embarrassing.

Don't worry about it.

It's a little embarrassing, but we can
handle it. Uh, how was your night?

[COUGHING]

Are you okay?
Lt...

It's hard to... [COUGHING]
Hey, Hank?

Yeah.
Becki can't breathe.

Okay.
Okay, take it easy.

Let's, uh...
Let's sit you down.

That's it.
Has this ever happened before?

Never.
Okay.

Becki, do you
have any allergies?

Okay, Evan, go get my bag.
Get me some EpiPens.

Do you have a
family history of anaphylaxis?

You seem to be having an

allergic reaction to something.

I've heard of cases where
a bite from a certain tick

can cause a red meat allergy.

I think you're having a delayed
reaction to last night's steak.

I'm going to give you an injection
which should help you breathe.

[GASPING]

Uh, that didn't work.

No, it didn't.
All right.

I'm going to have to intubate.
Becki,

I'm going to lay you down, okay?

Easy.
That's it.

Okay.

It's okay, Becki.

No. Anaphylaxis is causing
too much swelling.

I can't get the tube in.

So, now, what?

Another EpiPen.

What if that one doesn't work?

Then I'm going to have to do an emergency
cricothyrotomy to establish an airway.

Damn it.
It didn't work?

So, you're going to do
the "crico" thing?

Does that involve a...
Oh, yeah.

Okay. Oh.

[GASPING]

Did it work?
It worked.

It worked.
You're okay.

You're okay.
Okay, Becki, let's sit you up.

Thank you.

Good thing I didn't ruin
an otherwise perfect date.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey. How about I whip up some eggs
and we get some protein in you?

[RETCHING]

Mmm.
So, did you pop the question?

Too soon?
Yeah, too soon.

Anyone know where our fearless leader is?
I mean, it's five after.

It is unlike Evan to be
late for a staff meeting.

Sorry I'm late.

Evan will be right with you.

He made it this morning.
You guys will love it.

Good morning, angels.

Hank. Divs.

Jeremiah.
Hello, Evan.

That's what we get for always
sitting in the same seats.

You're all looking wonderful.
And, uh...

It is a new shirt.
Thank you.

Should we get started?
Seriously?

Divya, please stop talking.
How on Earth did he...

And welcome to our semi-annual
HankMed budget meeting.

Uh, sorry I couldn't join you
guys in person. It's just, uh.

My schedule at the hospital made
it impossible. So, before you,

you will each see an agenda, a timeline,
and minutes from our last budget meeting.

If you'll kindly turn to
page one, uh.

Okay. So, I'm going to go grab
a bagel before my 10 o'clock.

I'm out of diapers.

Talk to you guys later.

Jeremiah.

Uh...

I wanted to thank you again...

For bailing me and
Sashi out yesterday.

I'm glad you were supposed to pick me up
at the train station so I could help.

I have been trying to figure
this out, but how did you do it?

Actually, it's very simple.
I freaked.

Well, when I did that, it just seemed
to make the policeman angrier.

No, FREAK is actually an acronym
that Bob, my new therapist,

uses to help with potentially
challenging social interactions.

I didn't know you were
seeing a new therapist.

Yes, it's been very
interesting speaking with him.

He's unconventional.

Uh, FREAK,
for instance. Um,

"F", face the person with
whom you're speaking.

Yes, Katdare.
I'm her friend.

"R", react.

Is that necessary, Chief Kern?

"E", empathize.

Oh, I'm sorry. That must have
been very difficult for you.

"A", affirm.

I'm sure you've checked
the 911 logs.

Uh, and then, finally, "K",
k*ll it.

Not literally homicide.
It's...

It's a euphemism meaning do it
to the best of your ability.

Yeah, you certainly did k*ll it.

And I'm glad that I was supposed to
get you at the train station, too.

Goodbye, Evan.

[SIGHS]

Hey. You must be Hank.
Josh Dunlap.

Yeah. Almost done.

You going to just stand there?
All right.

You a runner?
Uh, more of a jogger.

Just out of curiosity,

how long are we doing this for?

I've got another patient today,

and I've already showered.

Ha! Just a couple
hundred more feet.

Will be 13.1
miles for me.

Wow. Now I feel bad for complaining.
Don't.

I'm, uh, training for the
Hamptons Triathlon.

Oh, yeah.
Isn't that Sunday?

It is. It is.
It's my last timed run.

Uh, 117 minutes, three seconds.

Every second counts,
every step counted.

You ever see one of these? No.

It's called a Race Band.

It automatically detects
and tracks

all my running,
cycling, swimming.

Which I've been
doing a lot of lately.

Here we go.
Let's finish strong.

You got it, pal.

Hold on.

Ah.

What's up, Josh?
I...

I've just been. I've been
finishing so weak lately.

Instead of building stamina,

I'm just getting light-headed
and fatigued.

Do you think I'm
pushing myself too hard?

It's a possibility.

Look. I know I'm not
exactly the...

Poster boy for a triathlon.

But training for this race

has been the toughest thing
I've ever done. I just...

I'd rather die than have it
all fall apart right now.

How about we try to avoid both?

Yeah.
That would be great.

Morgan, how's it going, man?

Dr. Foley.
I heard your request about

WiFi in the elevators loud and clear.
I'm working on it. Thanks, Evan.

Stan, I got your email.

I see how much overtime you
orderlies have been working.

I'm going to lighten your load.

Thank you, Mr. Lawson.

All right.
Margaret Redding.

Head of nursing. Hamptons
Heritage employee of 11 years.

Goes by Maggie.
Yeah.

Who are you? Evan R. Lawson.
I'm your new administrator.

Ah, I heard you were interim administrator.
And you can call me Margaret.

Got it.

You know, I've always thought
about doing a triathlon.

Well, that's not how
they get done.

Right. It's just the open water
swimming would just crush me.

You know, we've all got
a weak event, Hank.

Ugh.
That's why you train.

Right.
When I first started,

my, uh, weak event was running.

And biking.
And swimming.

Oh.
Yeah, but hey...

Now I can swim a whole
mile no problem. Yeah.

You know what?
I should coach you.

I've got a date with the ocean
this afternoon. You want to come?

Uh, yeah. If my day isn't too
crazy, I may take you up on that.

I like that.

I'm guessing that tastes
better than it looks.

Oh.
Kale, celery, organic whey.

Yum.

Any other, uh, dietary changes?

Yeah, as the race has
gotten closer,

I started adding MCT oil
and creatine into my shakes.

Just for the extra boost.

Yeah, well, if it's supposed
to be giving you a boost,

it doesn't seem to be working.

But it could be elevating
your blood pressure.

How about you enjoy those
smoothies without the creatine?

I'm sure they'll be
just as tasty.

Uh... Hey, look, you've
gotten this far.

You'll do great Sunday,
even without it.

Yeah, well, it's not just
Sunday I'm worried about.

See, one of the great things about
the Race Band is the social aspect.

I get to share my workouts. You
know, see how well I'm doing.

Ah. Daily competition with
your training partners.

Uh, partner.
Jane.

My girlfriend.
And she's kicking my butt.

It's great that you and your girlfriend
are training together. Is that, uh.

Is that how you met?
Oh, no.

God, no. Uh, we met the same
place everybody does these days.

Right.
Of course.

And where is that?

Hi.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey. How did everything go
at the video staff meeting?

Oh, they, um...
They loved it.

You didn't stay, did you? Oh, I needed
to get ready to meet the exterminator.

[SIGHS] That's okay.
Are the snakes gone?

Uh, no. Turns out Do-It-All
Pest Control doesn't.

Huh. So, we're back
to square one.

I just want to get back home,

so we can get it and us
ready for a baby. We will.

We will. We just need
to stay patient, okay?

Listen, Evan, I've got to run. I've
got a client meeting with Russell.

Hey. We're going to
figure all this out.

Okay.
I will try to stay patient.

And yet, I can't help but
feel crazed and

crazy because it's all
so new and exciting.

I mean, Evan, we've never
been parents before.

I know.

I know.

Okay, I've got to go.
Bye.

Hi, there.
I, um...

Hypothetically, if someone made a
donation about 13 or so years ago,

is there any way to
find out if it...

Turned into people?

You don't like them.

You don't like them.
She doesn't like them.

Your shirt's nice.
Thank you.

Okay, the poses are a little...

Forced.
I think Hank looks winning.

Uh, very accurate skin tones. Did
you take these pictures, Jeremiah?

I did. Yes.

Look, I don't know how I've
avoided online dating so far, but

I think I'm going to be
pretty terrible at it.

I mean, there are more dating websites
and apps than there are dates.

You've got your Tinder.
Your Snapchat.

Coffee Meet Bagel.
Grindr.

I don't think you want Grindr.

I'm not sure I want to swipe and
tap and double tap and like.

It just kind of makes me long for
the simpler times, you know?

I mean, whatever happened to
meeting someone face-to-face?

So, then, why are you doing it?

I guess after what happened with my last
date, I need to be open to anything.

Not to mention it is where
everyone meets these days.

It is?
Mmm-hmm.

Hank, why don't you read her
the profile you wrote?

Yeah, great idea.
I'd love a woman's opinion.

Okay, um...
[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Oh, Evan, um,

Hank was about to read Divya his dating
profile. Uh, I helped him write it.

Would you give us your advice?
Oh, yes.

Yes. You did say you'd
love a woman's opinion.

Yeah, happy to help.
Okay.

Um...
I'm Hank.

[BABY GIGGLING] I'm a single doctor
who was raised in New Jersey.

Uh, eventually, I found my way to Brooklyn,
where I was an ER doctor for a while.

Uh, then I was...

Mahjong, street dance,
fluent Spanish.

So.
What do you think?

Ev?

Home run.

Hello?

Okay, we'll be right there.

New patient.
It's an emergency.

Um, I'll go. Maybe you should
stay and work on our profile.

I mean, your profile.
Yeah.

Uh, okay.
Thank you.

You okay?

Yeah, why?

No, you just...
You seem a touch distracted.

And I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I could really use your input.

I told you it's great.
It's really... It's perfect.

Yeah?
Tell me one thing I said.

Okay, I'm sorry.
It's just...

I have to tell you something.

When I moved to
Brooklyn after college, I...

I needed some money.
And, well, there was a...

Sperm bank.

Of course there was.
So, I made a donation.

Of course you did. So, I called
them to see what happened with it.

Like, if they hit their mark, and
how many marks they may have hit,

but they wouldn't say
over the phone.

So...

So, what's Paige going to
think about the fact that I

might have more kids
than an NBA player?

Why, 13 years later, are you
suddenly worried about this?

Because I totally
forgot about it.

Then, Paige got pregnant,
and it just hit me.

Paige is pregnant? No, she
was pregnant, now she's not.

That's not the point. The
point is that we're trying,

and Paige doesn't know
that our baby,

whenever it comes, might have
hundreds and hundreds of siblings.

Okay, okay.
It doesn't work like that.

Would you please fill me in
on Paige's pregnancy?

She was pregnant.

And then, she wasn't.

That's really helpful.

Thank you. After it ended, did she
go see her doctor? How is she?

Her doctor's out of town
for the week.

Didn't seem like waiting was a big deal.
Why, is waiting a big deal?

No, no, no.
I'm sure she's fine.

But you okay if I give her a call?
Of course.

Okay.
One more thing.

Donating your sperm?
What were you thinking?

There are easier ways
to make money.

Name one.

That's a fair point.

Oh. Thank you for coming so quickly.
Come on, Gretyl. Up.

I'm Caroline Koch.

I'm Dr. Sacani.
This is Divya.

You said it was an emergency?
My tongue d*ed.

Oh, uh...
Is it feeling numb?

Or...
Or painful?

So much worse than that. And the scariest
thing is I know why it happened.

Oh, you do?
Yeah.

While Gunther and I
don't have children,

we do have our babies. And like
any good mama, I love my babies.

And I show them this love with
lots of kisses and cuddles.

But yesterday,
after I kissed Gretyl,

I realized she had dragged a
dead squirrel into the house.

Actually, it was half a squirrel.
The wrong half.

You look so familiar. Anyway,
after I noticed the dead rodent,

I immediately became nauseous because
I realized that whatever poison this

vermin passed on to sweet Gretyl,
Gretyl then passed on to me.

How long do I have?
Uh, may we see your tongue?

Mrs. Koch, you're not going to die.
Uh, well, eventually, obviously.

But, um, did you take Pepto-Bismol
when you became nauseous?

How did you know that?

Your discolored tongue is caused by
bismuth, an ingredient in Pepto-Bismol.

The bismuth can combine with
the sulphur in one's saliva

to produce that type
of discoloration.

But that is all it is,
an ugly tongue.

And the discoloration will
go away on its own.

Thank you. Imagine the irony
if Gunther outlived me.

His tongue d*ed years ago,
but that's not a problem.

Okay.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Don't go just yet.

There is something else that
is k*lling me.

Divya, where do I know you from?

The Blackstone?
Watermill Spa?

Oh. You are "Socialite
Mom Who Abandoned Baby".

You att*cked that police officer.
That's not what happened.

How could you know that?

Oh, honey, you are splashed
all over danspapers. Com.

Hey, excuse me.
Sorry, ma'am.

You'll have to take this up
with child protective services.

Child protective what?

Hey, just. Hey, get.

Get your hands off of me!
Ma'am, you're under arrest.

More than half of
all first pregnancies

result in miscarriages
soon after conception.

Usually, the mother never
knows she was pregnant.

But since at-home tests detect
pregnancy earlier than ever,

women are finding out that they're
pregnant before the miscarriage occurs.

Which is what I think happened.

Do you think it will
happen again?

I don't know.

But your ultrasound looks fine.

Okay.

Hey.
Are you okay?

I am sad.

And I'm scared that

I might not be able
to have a baby.

I don't know anything about
my birth mother or father, or

their medical history.

I can see why that would
make you anxious.

You know,
you could get genetic testing.

I mean, it may help answer
whether or not you can

have a baby.

The thing is, I think
I'm afraid to find out.

So, are you ready for this?

Well, not sure about that.

I thought we'd
start off with a mile.

What?

Joking.

No, we'll take it slow...
Okay.

Ish.

Oh! I got you a present.
Oh.

Yeah.
It's got my app on it.

Yeah, now, we can be
training partners. Nice.

You start slacking off, I'm going to
be texting you to get back to work.

Thank you, I think.

So, what are the chances your app
can help me with online dating?

[CHUCKLING]
I don't know, man.

I mean, you're the...
You're the success story.

Maybe you can give an old man
like me some advice. Oh, yeah.

Single, successful, handsome doctor.
Yeah, must be agony for you.

No, seriously, I don't get it.
I can't even pick my photo.

Seriously?
Seriously.

Well, you know what? You
should try the site I used.

Yeah, you don't need
a picture to start.

It's all about connecting to
people based on who you are,

not what you look like.

That sounds more my style.
And then, you know,

after you find a personality match for
your profile, then you can trade pictures.

Yeah, I don't have a
profile yet, either.

Really?

Really. You're really
not good at this.

Not good. No.

Okay... So,

there are certain attributes
you can use on your profile

that are going to attract a
high volume of women.

Okay. Like say, uh,
you play guitar

or you watch Homeland or
you have tattoos.

You... You do all that?

Well, I've seen Homeland.
Like, a couple of times.

Ah.

So, what did Jane say when
she discovered you don't

play guitar or have any tattoos?

I'll let you know when
she finds out. Huh.

Yeah. Jane and I
have actually never met.

Uh, she's from Sydney.
We do everything online.

Okay, see, I don't get that.
How is that...

Uh, we know each other better
than most couples. I mean, I...

I'm able to follow her training
regimen, her heart rates, diet...

So, when does she get here?

Tomorrow. [CHUCKLES]

You know any good
tattoo parlors?

Kidding... Kind of.

Honestly, if I could
do it all over again

I'd be fully above board.
Yeah?

My only advice to you is
just be yourself. Yeah.

Okay.
Hmm.

JOSH: Well, you ready for this?
Absolutely.

Let's do this.
Here we go.

Whoo.

All right, pace yourself.

Hank, I'm coming for you!
Ow, ow, ow!

Hank!
Wait up!

Nice, easy strokes!

Did you see my show...

Need me to slow down?

Did you see my,
did you see my show...

Josh!

Josh!

Josh!

Ah.

Excuse me!

Call 911!
Now! Please!

Damn it.

Breathe, Josh.

Come on.

Damn it.

Come on, Josh.

You can do it.
Come on.

That's it.
That's it.

Okay, okay.
Easy breaths.

Easy breaths.
You okay?

I think so.

Okay. Do you remember
what happened?

I was going to ask you.

Okay. We'll get you to the
hospital and we'll find out.

You're going to be okay, buddy.

Hi, there.

Hi, I'm Evan R. Lawson.
I'm the new administrator.

I just wanted to tell you guys a little
bit about my plan to streamline...

The...

You know, stream...

Daddy!

Hi, there. I'm Evan R. Lawson.
I'm the new administrator.

Nice to meet you.
Yeah.

We met.
This morning.

Oh, we did?
Sure.

Don't you remember?
Of course.

Yeah. Yeah.
You are... Uh...

Uh...

Starts with an "M".

Margaret.
Right.

Yes, uh, here for 11 years.

Hates when I call her Maggie.

You're going to fit in
great here.

Hey.
What's happening?

You sounded freaked out.
Now I'm freaked out.

I'm glad you're here.
Here.

When I was young, I made a
terrible mistake, okay?

I... Before I met you.
Way before.

I just... I wasn't thinking about
the consequences for my future.

Or for our future.
You have a child.

I may have more than one.

You were married before?

No, of course not.
I...

I needed money.

You were a male prost*tute.

What? No.

I... Well...

I donated sperm to a sperm bank.

I called them earlier to see if
they would tell me more about it,

but they wouldn't do it
over the phone.

So, I'm going to go
in there tomorrow.

No, no, no.

We'll both go.
Great.

So, you really think I could
have been a male prost*tute?

Sorry.

You don't seem to have any
abnormalities on your EKG.

And your MRI results
were also clean.

So, what do you think happened?

I'm not sure.
But to be safe,

I want you to stay here until
we get your blood tests back.

Is there any chance it could
be from anxiety?

Yeah, sure.

I mean, a first triathlon
could make anyone anxious.

[CHUCKLES]
No, it's not just the race.

Um... You remember how I said that Jane and
I were sharing all of our training stats?

Uh-huh.

Well, what I didn't say was that
I actually invented Race Band.

So, I can go in and
tweak the data a little bit.

Uh-huh.

So, you've been
improving your results.

Yeah.

It's just... Training together
just made us so close. You know?

And we bonded on this race.
Then...

You know, when my times stopped
improving, I got scared.

And I was like, "What if she
stops liking me?" Gah, I just...

I really like this girl, Hank.
I mean, she's special.

I just want to be the guy that
Jane thinks I am.

You have got to be kidding me.

Well, that's absolutely
ridiculous. Just...

What's ridiculous?

They're calling me a
"rich bitch."

A...
A liar.

And a terrible mother.

They watch this and they
think they know what happened,

but they have no idea
what really happened.

And then, they're just
assuming the worst.

I don't think you should get
yourself invested in these people.

One of them spelled
physician with an "F".

I saved a life that day.

But no one believes it because
it's not on some website video.

People who write these kinds
of comments are bullies.

The only thing worse than physical
bullying is cyber bullying.

Except for the punching
and the bleeding.

And, uh, having to hide
from them in the bathroom.

Well, maybe
physical bullying is worse.

But cyber bullies can't do anything
but bluster. They don't know you.

They...
They don't matter.

By dinner, they'll find something
else to get self-righteous about.

What matters is that
you saved a life.

And Sashi knows you're
a good mother.

Yeah.

Okay.
Nice, easy strokes.

Nice, easy strokes.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yeah, this is Hank.

Hank. Hey.

Um... I fell.

And I went to take my pulse to
check my heart rate. Hey, Josh.

Josh, you should call a nurse.
They can help faster.

I can't.
I left the hospital.

You what? Why?

A doctor told me my blood
work was fine, so I took off.

I went biking and I must have
passed out again because

next thing I know,
I'm on the ground.

Twice in two days.
Where are you?

I don't know. But wherever I
am, I don't have a pulse.

Hey.

Hey.
How did you find me?

Uh, your Race Band app.



Let me take a look.

Yeah, I'm...
I'm pretty banged up.

Ah.
See, that hurts.

What does?
My arm.

Yeah?
Like, over here by the elbow?

No. No,
it's, like, inside of it.

Am I having a heart att*ck?

Uh, I don't...
I don't think so.

No.
Well, is it, uh...

Is it cardiac tamponade?
Or ventricular fibrillation?

Or, uh, aortic dissection?

How do you...

Oh, I was googling my symptoms.

There was nothing else to do
except wait here to die.

Turns out everything
leads to death.

Yeah.
Never google your symptoms.

Well, I don't think it's
any of those.

And I don't think it's
constrictive pericarditis.

You know what?
I think it's...

Takayasu's, uh, arteritis?
Yeah.

Actually, that may be it.

Well, let me just
check something.

No brachial. You don't have
a pulse in your left arm,

but the one in your right
seems fine.

Combine that with the
light-headedness, joint pain,

and shortness of
breath you've had,

and Takayasu's makes sense.

Well, now that I know how to
pronounce it, what does that mean?

Uh, it's an inflammatory
disorder that can cause a

constriction of the aortic arch,

such that when you exercise, your vessels
can't get enough blood to your head.

That would explain
why I'm passing out.

Which means as soon as this
ambulance gets here,

you're going
back to the hospital.

And this time, you're going to stay
there until I tell you you can leave.

Yeah.
No, no, no.

Josh.
I'm serious.

Well, not in that tri
suit, you're not. Ah.

Your old neighborhood
is pretty chic.

Not when I lived here.

The nicest place on the block
was a building full of garbage.

It must have been so hard,
starting out on your own.

Under a mountain full of
student loan debt,

trying to get your first job.
Yeah.

Yeah. I get why you had to
donate sperm to make ends meet.

Yeah.
Actually, funny story.

I did it for a sandwich.

I'm sorry, a what?

Defonte's.
Best subs in the world.

Like, my mouth is watering right
now thinking about the Big Daddy,


with extra pickles. Whoo.

Anyway, Defonte's is cash only.

But I didn't have any that day.

But I needed a Big Daddy. So, I was
like, "What am I going to do?"

And then, there it was...

Right across the street. I thought
it was the perfect solution.

Until I found out,
after I made a donation,

that they don't pay you
for the first specimen.

Can you believe that?

You did it for a sandwich?

What could possibly be
taking this long?

Do you think I have
dozens of files or something?

That would mean I have
dozens of children.

Or it means it's been so long,
she can't find your file.

But if you do have children out there
and they want to know their father,

they will be family.

Our family.

Evan R. Lawson?

Shh. Hi. Yep.

We're right here, where you
told us to wait. Remember?

I found your record. Your sample
was definitely never used.

Ah.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my god.
Definitely?

Yeah.
Why definitely?

Mmm. I'd donate my sperm
for this sandwich.

I get why you did what you did.

Come on. Eat.
You'll feel better.

I have no motility.

Not no motility.

Low motility.
Low isn't no.

It's just...
Slow.

Right?
Slow sperm.

That's right. I have sluggish,
lazy, lackluster sperm.

I have sperm who
roll over and play dead.

I have unmotivated, loser sperm.

I have loser sperm.

Keep it down with
the sperm talk.

This is a family restaurant.
Of course.

We're...
We're really sorry.

Say whatever you want about
your slow swimmers.

One of them crossed the
channel last week.

That's true.

We were pregnant.

Yeah. And we don't know
why it didn't last.

Maybe I have genetic challenges.

You are not blaming yourself.

No, no.
There is no blame.

Just the facts of
my DNA and yours.

And we're going to
learn what we can.

Maybe it's going to be harder to
get pregnant than we thought,

but at least we'll be informed.

And Hank's a doctor.
He can help us.

No, Paige. We are not telling my brother
about my sorry and inadequate sperm.

Okay?
Yes, you're imperfect.

And I'm imperfect.

And we are going to
try to have a baby,

which will also be imperfect.

But when we have
our little baby,

we will be the most perfect
imperfect family.

I can't wait.

I really want to be a...
Pops.

I know.
Eat up, Big Daddy.

You're going
to need your strength.

So, they're going to put a mesh tube
inside your aorta to hold it open,

which means you will be the
proud owner of a stent graft.

While that sounds like
a ton of fun...

Uh, I'm going to have to
miss the race?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

And while there's no
cure for Takayasu's,

with annual check-ups,
you should return to normal.

Which means you'll make
next year's race.

Although, by then,
I may be out-swimming you.

Ah. You know,
I am a pretty good coach.

More than you know. I have a date
tonight, thanks to your advice.

Nice.
She a fan of Homeland?

She's a fan of the New
York Mets, "metsfan86".

We are going to listen to the game
tonight against the Phillies. Her idea.

Man, that's old school.
Yeah.

Good taste in baseball teams.
That could be love.

Speaking of which,
how did it go with Jane?

She's on her way right now.

Uh, I don't know if I should
be more excited or terrified.

Maybe both.

That's a good point.

Hey.

When she gets here, you think
I should, like, play it cool?

Or maybe, uh, open up,
show her I'm vulnerable.

How about you just be yourself?
Huh.

And if that doesn't work, maybe get
some guitar lessons and a tattoo.

Yeah.

Good advice.

Oh.

You're "hamptdoc17"?

You're "metsfan86".

It's fate.

Yeah.

How are you feeling?

Uh, a million times better,
thanks to "hamptdoc17".

Imagine if I ended up with
"hamptdoc12".

Yeah, I was just thinking
the same thing.

Look, I know I didn't exactly
impress the other night.

I'm sorry.

And a little mortified.

And the worst part is,
you're a really nice guy.

Can you give me a second chance?

Yeah.

Sure, I can.

Great.

Nice spread.
Yeah.

God, what a
beautiful night, huh?

It is.

So, have you always
been a Mets fan, or...

Oh.

No, I don't really
follow baseball.

My roommate told me to
put that in there

because she said
I'd get a lot of hits.

Huh.
And here I am.

sh*t?

Yeah.

Sure.
Whoo.

There were some wonderful
candidates in Philadelphia.

I winnowed out the
ones I like less.

But, uh, hopefully, we can
get the Center for Rare and

Orphan Diseases...
Um, the lab...

Fully staffed by the end of the month.
That's great.

Yes, and with more manpower, we'll be able
to genetically engineer new models...

From construct creation
and microinjection

to evaluation and
characterization.

[CELLULAR RINGS]

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

This is very important, Sashi.

Because when only a small population
is afflicted by a disease,

the funding can be limited. But we'll
be able to accelerate research and

development of new treatments
by building preclinical models

not only for ourselves, but
for global entities, as well.

Come here. Come here.

What's the matter?
That was my attorney.

Rafa's lawyers, they...

They saw that video
of me online.

They've pulled the
custody agreement.

They think they have a case
against me as an unfit mother.