04x08 - Frenemies

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "RuPaul's Drag Race". Aired: February 2, 2009 – present.*
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RuPaul plays the role of host, mentor, and head judge for this series, as contestants are given different challenges each week.
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04x08 - Frenemies

Post by bunniefuu »

- Previously on

RuPaul's Drag Race....

You'll be launching

your very own dragazine.

- Sex sells, people, sex sells.

- Ha ha.

I'm a successful drag queen.

I'm not like some club queen

who has to show for a dollar.

- You have to spot me.

- That looks like a man.

I look like Sharon in that one.

- Ouch.

- Your dragazine cover

is possibly the worst one.

I hate the font.

- Me too.

- The eyes scare me.

- They're my trademark.

- It creeps me out.

- Phi Phi O'Hara,

you are the winner

of this week's challenge.

- [laughs]

Ah, finally!

- Willam, shante, you stay.

Jiggly Caliente...

may I call you Jiggly?

- Yes.

- Sashay away.

And tonight, you'll be competing

as a couple...

of frenemies.

The jig is up.

If Phi Phi O'Hara was the last

ladyboy on earth,

would you kai kai with her?

And a shocking twist...

- [vomiting]

- It's really not cute.

- With extra-special

guest judges

Pamela Anderson

and Jennifer Tilly.

[cheers and applause]

The winner of

RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of NYX cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip

courtesy of alandchuck.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race tour,

featuring Absolut vodka...

cocktails perfected...

and a cash prize of $100,000.

And may the best woman win.

[tires squealing]

- ♪ Jesus is a biscuit ♪

- ♪ That'll stop you up ♪

- ♪ Hey ♪

Walking in today

to Jiggly being gone

is obviously mind-boggling,

'cause there's only

six people left.

- [singing]

- Yo, that's a lot of lipstick.

- "To my b*tches, love you all

to death, Jiggly Caliente."

At least the lipstick's

on the mirror

and not on her teeth for once.

Bye, girl, bye.

That was my first time

in the bottom two.

I wasn't happy to be up there,

and I know I was trying

to be pretty at least.

- Did it humble you?

- It didn't add

any humility to me.

- Humble pie is what

Willam should be.

If it was anybody else

other than Jiggly,

she would have went home

last night.

- Girl, you were so pissy

and fussy up there, girl.

Ooh!

- Any way to keep

my dress moving

and to keep me

sparkling a little bit.

- Mew mew doesn't make

talent, honey.

- My last performance

wasn't my best,

but it was enough

to keep me here.

- You girls told me to take

those damn white contacts

out of my eyes before Runway,

and I didn't.

I said I wanted 'em.

They looked pretty.

And they totally got me.

So now I have to, like, serve up

some girly-girl nonsense.

- Like, can you leave your

gothic and your vampire,

like, that type of look aside,

and just do, like,

glamorous, pretty?

- But I think I am glamorous.

Can I do a lemming look?

Sure, I can throw myself

off of a cliff with you,

but I don't want to.

I am no longer justifying

my personal beauty

to these girls.

No one remembers the girl with

the tan skin and the blond hair.

They remember the girl coughing

up blood with white eyes.

- What I read in my makeup

and everything,

I want the judges to know

that I am listening

and I want to be here...

- You did a great job.

- And I want to take

all their critiques in.

- Like, standing next to you

when you won,

you, like, kind of

threw your head back

and I saw, like,

the square sideburn.

- Oh, picking straws, dude.

- Hold on, I'm still

complimenting you

in your appearance

that was like...

- That's, like,

a backhanded compliment.

I'm tired of her

and I want her to go home.

I thought it looked gorgeous,

and if I can rock a sideburns

and win a challenge,

then I'm gonna rock a sideburn

and win a challenge.

They liked it.

- Everybody want Willam

to go home.

She is completely annoying.

- Well, congratulations, whore.

- Yeah.

- Phi Phi.

- Two challenges ago,

I was in the bottom three,

and now I'm in the top.

- So, Phi Phi,

what took you so long?

[alarm wails]

- Ooh!

- Girl, you've got shemail.

You know, there are two things

I don't like about you.

What?

Your face.

[gasps]

Ladies, keep your friends close

and you frenemies even closer,

'cause in this competition,

even the mirror has two faces.

Yeah, and one of 'em is

cracked.

Shut up!

Oh, you shut up!

I'm not listening to you.

La la la la la la la.

Bitch, I'll be waiting for

your ass in the parking lot.

Bitch.

[laughter]

Hello, hello, hello.

- Hi, Ru!

- RuPaul!

- Ladies, in a competition,

people can say one thing

to your face

and then talk smack

behind your back.

Sometimes it's hard to know

who your real friends are.

For today's mini challenge,

I'm not looking

for a winner or a loser.

I'm looking for the truth,

and you can't handle

the truth, girl.

One by one,

you'll be hooked

to a lie detector,

a little lady go by the name

of "Polly Graph."

Know her?

I thought you did.

- I'm worried she's gonna ask me

some questions

I don't want to answer.

- Time to spill it, girls.

[laughter]

Welcome, darling.

Now, I'm going to ask you

a series of questions.

You answer each

with a simple yes or a no.

Is that clear?

- Yes.

- John, are you all set?

- I am.

- Are you now

or have you ever been

a biological woman?

- No.

- Have you ever worn

women's clothing?

- Yes.

- Do you sleep in the nude?

- No.

- Just as I suspected.

- If Sharon Needles were

the last ladyboy on earth,

would you kai kai with her?

- No.

- If Phi Phi O'Hara was

the last ladyboy on earth,

would you kai kai with her?

- Yes.

- If Willam were the last

ladyboy on earth,

would you kai kai with her?

- No.

- If Latrice were the last

ladyboy on earth,

would you kai kai with her?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Interesting.

[beeping]

Do you think Willam

is prettier than you?

- Yes.

- No.

- No.

- Have you ever talked shade

behind Chad Michaels' back?

- No.

- Do you think you could win

a lip-sync for your life

against Sharon Needles?

- Yes.

- Have you ever lied

about your age?

- Yes.

- Fascinating.

- Do you think Willam

is annoying?

- Yes.

- Have you ever

looked at the pit crew

with lust in your heart?

- No.

- No.

- Yes.

- Do you like my line

of iron fist shoes?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Last question:

Are you the future of drag?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Your questioning is over.

I will supply the FBI with

a copy of your transcripts.

Ladies, the results are in.

In addition to the truth,

your answers revealed to me

a lot about your different

personality types.

Now, I've arranged you

in two lines.

Look at the queen directly

across from you.

That's the person you have

the least in common with,

someone you might not even

like very much,

but that queen possesses skills

and traits you don't have,

and in a crisis,

she could save your ass.

That means, Dida Ritz, you're

paired with Chad Michaels.

Willam, you're paired

with Latrice Royale.

- Oh, evil.

- Phi Phi O'Hara, you're paired

with Sharon Needles.

- Party City.

- Busted showgirl.

- For this week's

main challenge,

you need to put together

a nightclub act

sponsored by NYX cosmetics,

and you'll be competing

as a couple...

of frenemies.

Now, each pair will create

costumes, choreography,

and specialty lyrics

to the original song,

Better Than You.

Oh, and tomorrow

on the main stage,

you'll be singing it live...

- What?

[laughs] What?

- No lip-syncing.

- I don't sing live, boo-boo.

There's a reason

why I lip-sync.

- In the tradition

of famous frenemies

like Joan Crawford

and Bette Davis.

Time to make nice,

girls, or just fake it,

you know,

like I'm always doing.

[laughter]

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

See ya.

[laughs]

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye.

- O-m-g.

- Have you listened to it yet?

- No.

- It seems like the mindset

amongst the queens is that

you're only as good

as your last performance,

but I'm a singer,

I have a band,

and I plan to win

this challenge,

and I want to prove that I'm

not just some lip-syncing queen.

I think it's kind of

natural too,

because my voice is probably

an octave higher

than yours,

so it'll sound good.

♪ At least my dresses ♪

Don't make 'em blind ♪

I do ♪

- [laughs]

Okay.

- Why don't we do,

like, the elphaba...

like, a Wicked thing.

- Ooh, I like devil and angel.

It's better,

and it's how people see us.

- I'm not sure how Phi Phi and

Sharon are gonna work together.

They're the most opposite,

and they've also had

a little tiff.

Should we rewind that back?

- Tired-ass showgirl.

f*ck you.

- "Tired-ass showgirl"?

At least I am a showgirl, bitch!

Go back to Party City,

where you belong!

- If the chemistry's not there,

then it shows through on stage.

- Okay.

- We can play off that

showgirl/Party City thing.

- We can just write

Party City/busted showgirl,

as who you are.

[laughs]

Busted showgirl,

which I'm sure you don't want

to say about yourself.

- The only thing I'm really

nervous about

on this challenge is,

I can't stand Sharon,

and that probably won't change.

- Do you want to call me

post-mortem glam

or Party City spook?

- I think

Party City spook is good,

'cause I don't want

to call you glamorous.

- I wouldn't consider

Phi Phi a frenemy.

I'd consider her an enemy.

- And that's it.

♪ I wear heels ♪

♪ That heighten the mood ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it much better ♪

♪ Than you ♪

sh*t.

- This challenge is so tough

because we basically have

to create a nightclub act,

and we're singing it live.

♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- Neither Dida nor myself sing,

and it was hard.

both: ♪ I do ♪

- We sound like two sick cats.

both: ♪ I do it

so much better than you ♪

- I've been waiting

for this challenge,

because I love to sing, I've

been singing since I was little,

so we'll see how this goes.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

♪ But I do it

so much better ♪

- Hot mess.

Oh, my God. What?

both: ♪ So much better

than you ♪

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi, Ru.

- Chad Michaels and Dida Ritz.

So what's your plan?

- Well, our plan

is a classic sister act,

truly reading each other down

the Runway.

- Listen, there are

two other teams,

and you've got to have something

that's gonna stand out.

Dida, what do you think that

Chad has that you don't have?

- I have a bit more

of a kind of younger,

around the way

type of look with my drag.

- Chad, what about you?

What do you think that Dida has

that you don't?

- She's not afraid to,

you know,

fall on her face or to fail.

- I want to be surprised.

I want to be entertained.

Trust me,

they're coming for you.

- Thanks, RuPaul.

- All right.

- Thank you.

- Sharon Needles,

Phi Phi O'Hara, how's it going?

- I've been working

with my frenemy.

I guess it's going okay.

- Why do you think you two

were paired up?

- We kind of hate each other.

- Really?

A lot of co-stars don't

particularly like each other,

but somehow it creates

a sort of chemistry on-screen

that actually works.

Are either of you singers?

- I am.

- Yeah, we both

are kind of singers.

- Wow. All right, so do

a little preview act for me.

Okay. Ready?

- All right, so,

you want to do...

do you want to put our

choreography with it as well?

- Let's sing it right now.

- Okay, okay,

we'll just sing it,

'cause choreography,

we're working on real hard.

- Okay.

- I'm white, girl.

- Oh, dear.

- Ready? Here we go.

- Uh-huh.

- ♪ My heels ♪

♪ Always heighten the mood ♪

- [off-key shouting]

♪ My balloons have attitude ♪

- ♪ People never think ♪

♪ I'm a dude ♪

- [off-key shouting]

♪ You're right ♪

- Wow, was that harmony there?

There's a lot of stuff

going on there.

- Sharon really wants to do

this, like, heavy metal voice,

and I'm like,

oh, hell no.

- I'm gonna let you

get back to work.

- Okay, thank you.

- Good, can't wait to show you.

I know I'm gonna do a good job.

Sharon better not f*ck it up,

'cause I'm gonna be pissed.

- Willam and Latrice.

- Hello.

- Do either of you sing

in your acts?

- I regularly do.

Most of my act

is with a live band.

- Now, Latrice,

what do you think Willam has

that you don't have?

- When I first met

little Willam,

I was not featuring

her at all, right?

She was not the feature

presentation.

But I'm a quiet confident, where

she's very vocal about it.

- What does Latrice have

that you don't have?

- I would love to have

some of that quiet confidence

instead of my confidence

that some people mistake

for cockiness.

- I'm gonna help ground

Willam a little bit more.

We're gonna calm her down.

Pss-pss, pss-pss.

- Yeah.

- Let your work

speak for itself.

- So what is the gimmick

for your outfits?

- We're gonna be pretty in pink.

[laughs]

- Oh, pretty in pink.

Is that enough of a gimmick?

- Oh, I'm gonna turn her out.

- Oh, yeah?

- Basically,

she's gonna be a whore.

- You kids have your work

cut out for you.

I'm gonna let you

get back to it.

- Okeydoke.

- All right, wonderful.

- f*ck it, let's just do what

we want to do and do it well.

- [groans]

- All right, ladies,

gather around.

Later today, you'll have

a chance to work on your acts

with the composer

of Better Than You,

my songwriting partner

and producer Lucian Piane.

- Very cool.

- And tomorrow

on the main stage,

you'll be making your

NYX cosmetics nightclub debut

in front of our

extra-special guest judges,

the wonderful actress and

poker champion Jennifer Tilly.

- [gasps]

- Wow!

- I love Jennifer Tilly!

- Academy award nominee

Jennifer Tilly.

It doesn't get better than that.

- And the always fabulous

Pamela Anderson will be here.

- Shut up!

- Shut up!

[laughter]

- Honey, I grew up watching

Pamela Anderson.

She's sickening.

She's the blond bombshell.

- And you'll be judged

as a team.

That means one pair

will be the winner

and one pair will have

to lip-sync for their lives.

- Why?

RuPaul, why are you

doing this to us?

- All right, frenemies.

Good luck,

and don't f*ck it up.

- Thanks, Ru.

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye, Ru.

- This is crazy.

The first time in history

we all have to lip-sync

against each other.

Like, that could be

an emotional lip-sync.

What do you guys think

about, like,

having to lip-sync against

your teammate?

- Uh, well, that's a wrench

in the program, but...

- I'm not making plans to do it.

- [laughs]

- If Willam and Latrice

get in the bottom together,

bye, Willam.

- Honey, 'cause Latrice

know how to buck.

- Girl, Latrice

is gonna wear her out.

- Phi Phi's rolling her eyes

and talking about me,

and everybody's

saying I suck,

but they can f*ck themselves.

I mean, Phi Phi...

I feel like in her eyes

I'm only as good

as my last performance,

and she thinks I'm just,

like, worthless now.

- Well, what was her

last performance?

- She's never done anything.

- No.

- Her's seems to be

a lot of the,

"Up here, dumb character!"

Voice, voice voice!

That's all I'm seeing

right now.

- Our accessories

sell our dresses.

You know, we'll have halos

and devil horns, devil tail.

- Yeah. It just has to look

really showgirl-y.

- You know, Phi Phi just wants

things so "perfect."

And then they'll say,

"Ooh, your tutu's legs."

- The only thing with

a minidress I'm scared about

is that it's gonna rise up.

- Well, we don't do anything

upside down.

- I'm not gonna go on-stage

and get read

for having my panties show.

Like, that's why.

Sharon's look is never polished.

I just don't feel like her drag

should be even critiqued

side-by-side with mine.

This is stressing me out.

- Hi, I'm Willam.

- Latrice.

How are you?

- Hi, nice to meet you.

I'm Lucian.

- Lucian is RuPaul's producer.

Like, he's the man

behind the magic.

- So are you guys ready

to perform for me,

and then we'll

take it from there?

- Sure.

- We'll come out to here,

do the first lines.

We'll move on to the whole show,

and then on the,

"I'm so much better than,"

we'll start walking.

- Oh, I thought...

- You walk in with me.

What, what?

- Yeah, I thought we were gonna

do our lines as we walk.

- Oh, okay, that's even...

- 'Cause that...yeah.

- That's fine.

- I think that's better.

- Okay.

- Are you guys ready?

- We're ready.

- Cue playback.

- ♪ I'm Latrice ♪

♪ And I'm the whole show ♪

- ♪ Um, it's a competition ♪

♪ I thought you'd know ♪

- ♪ I'm legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

- All right, make sure you say,

"I'm a legendary," and then...

- I'm a legendary.

- Yeah, just make it clear

that you're being interrupted.

- Okay, got you.

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- Wait.

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

♪ But I'm the best at being ♪

- ♪ No, you're a loser ♪

- ♪ So ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

♪ Than ♪

It's every man for themselves.

If Latrice misses a line,

I'm gonna steamroll through it

with my next line.

♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

both: ♪ Better than ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- To be late is to be left.

- Boom.

Yeah.

- I would just say, like,

the more, like, vindictive

you can be with each other...

- Oh, well,

we've got that going.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so ♪

both: ♪ Much better ♪

♪ Than you ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- Yeah, you almost had it.

I don't know what happened

right there.

- Can we do it again

from the top, please?

- Willam is scrambling,

and she's not in

the right head space.

If either one of us screws up,

we're both screwed.

- Do you have any notes for us,

like, other than...

- Yeah, you guys just have

to practice and practice.

- Thanks.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ Much better ♪

- ♪ So...better than... ♪

I know that, in his head,

Lucian is reading.

He's like, these b*tches are

f*cking my song up right now.

♪ Better than you ♪

- A little rough

on some of the cues there.

If you don't get

the lines across

and you guys are just doing

physical comedy,

it'll be like, why did she

fall down on the stage?

Or why did this happen?

Really concentrate on the lyrics

and getting those down,

and then, like, have fun.

- There's a certain level

of expectation for me

because I've been in

the business for 20 years.

I don't want to look like an

idiot in front of America.

- Cue playback.

- ♪ Cheesecake, fake it ♪

♪ Please don't break it ♪

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- Wait.

Ready?

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

- Chad and Dida seemed

a little less prepared.

They struggled a little bit

with the timing of the lyrics.

- ♪ A loser ♪

- Okay, okay.

In a performance like this,

you guys have really

got to, like, step it up.

- The stress point of

the rehearsal was vocalization.

You throw the choreography

in there with it,

it's getting a little hairy.

♪ Than you ♪

- ♪ Than you ♪

- We have a little work

to do here.

- ♪ I wear heels ♪

♪ That heighten the mood ♪

- ♪ My balloons ♪

♪ Have attitude ♪

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- Yeah, we need a little work.

Um, uh, I'm a...

I guess I'm a little confused

by the opera stuff.

- 'Cause I'm an angel,

and I want to do, like,

a Disney character type of look.

- And I'm a devil.

I'm supposed to scream one of

my, "I do it so much better."

- Okay.

- Like...

I do it so much better!

- Yeah, we'll see.

- And then back to our normal.

- Oh, okay. Okay.

But why don't we Run it again,

and you...you guys...

- Could we just sing...

just do it normal

with no gimmicks

or anything right now?

- ♪ I wear heels ♪

♪ That heighten the mood ♪

- ♪ My balloons ♪

♪ Have an attitude ♪

both: ♪ I do it ♪

♪ So much better than you ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- Okay, okay.

I feel like you guys

are just trying to sing this

a little too much.

The vocals are upstaging

the lyrics.

You don't have to do the vocal

stuff a little bit.

- Don't Christina it out.

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪

- Bitch, shut up.

That's fine.

We'll talk it.

- Let's just, like, go,

uh, through the end part.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much

better than ♪

- f*cking sh*t!

- Let's try that again.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- [groans]

f*cking sh*t!

Sharon has no rhythm,

and if our rhythm is off,

then the music's off,

and then our beats are off,

and then it's just

all gonna be off,

and I'm not gonna be

in the bottom two

because Sharon is off.

- It doesn't even

fully seem like

you're totally present

right now.

I don't even know what that is.

- There'll always be tension

between me and Phi Phi.

She's that squeaky princess

that just needs to be

whapped over the head

with a two-by-four.

- You guys have to bring

your A game.

- Down the rabbit hole, darling.

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

Than you ♪

- No, you don't.

- It is showtime,

ladies and gentlemen!

We have to perform duets.

Not lip-syncing.

Not recorded in a studio.

Live, b*tches.

- Do you notice that Willam

is low energy today?

- She seems really quiet, girl.

- Usually Willam

has these one-liners

that she just sh**t out

and throws,

but she's not speaking

to anyone and...

she just doesn't

seem like herself.

- How are you feeling today?

You all right?

- What?

- You know, you feelin' okay?

- Um, yeah.

It has nothing to do with this.

- Nothin'?

I'm a little worried because

we're being judged as a couple.

This definitely could

affect our performance.

I think you seem really

distracted today.

- No, I'm not.

I'm fine.

Once...once the red light's on,

I'm there.

- Okay, all right.

- Don't worry.

- [clears throat]

- ♪ Let's state facts,

you're orange, not tan ♪

- Wait, what?

♪ This coming from

Miss Marilyn Manson ♪

- ♪ Well, I'd rather be pale

than have a tan in a can ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much better

than you ♪

- [laughs]

- I'm glad I wore double

deodorant today.

I'm just gonna

ham it up onstage.

When Ru says, "You guys are

the winner of this challenge"...

- I'll like you permanently

if we win this together.

- Yeah, we fumbled yesterday

on the Runway,

but we understand that this

is an important challenge,

so put all differences aside.

Let's win this challenge.

Oh, my god,

you're a showgirl now.

- Oh, my...

- You're like me!

- Phi Phi and Sharon,

surprisingly, are getting along.

Is this for real?

- Sharon is a showgirl!

- I'm just temporarily playing

the role of a Phi Phi.

I'm getting to like Phi Phi

a little more,

but now it's just

upgraded to hate.

[clatter]

- Who is slamming the f*cking

counter while I'm doing liquid?

- Girl, the counter moves.

- No, someone just slammed

something shut twice.

- Well, everyone tiptoe

around Willam's liquid.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- ♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ Latrice ♪

- ♪ Trice ♪

- ♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ Latrice ♪

- I miss my drag family

now so bad.

I work with

some of the weirdest,

most interesting performers,

I think, in America.

If we're not freaking 'em out,

we're not working it out.

That is just the name of the

game in the house of haunt.

- If we go too long without

seeing and talking

with each other,

we have a potluck dinner

at my house and everybody

comes over for drinks.

- I want to come over

to dinner at your house.

- Me too, bitch.

- Absolutely.

'Cause we cook

the house down, honey.

- I always thought

I was so f*cking interesting

before I came here but, like,

your guys' lives sound

like so much more fun.

I haven't come

from a drag family

because I didn't come up

through the club system

like most people have.

I've been on TV most of my life

for the past ten years.

I am a little weak in the friend

department because of it.

- I can't believe

you don't have,

like, a strong drag family.

- No.

- I need them.

- I couldn't live without them.

- [laughs]

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, baby.

- Welcome to the main stage

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

It's my evil twin,

Michelle Visage.

- Yes, and a big

domo arigato to you.

- [laughs]

Lucian Piane,

my partner in crime.

- Hey, it's so good to see you.

- How are my girls?

- They're really amazing.

- Did you sleep

with any of them?

- Two of them.

- [laughs]

Jennifer Tilly.

You're looking

beautiful tonight.

- Well, thank you.

The monkey glands are working.

- [laughs]

And Pamela Anderson.

Hey, soul sister.

- I finally made it.

Thanks for having me.

You look gorgeous.

- This old thing.

- [laughs]

- This week,

the queens were challenged

to perform a duet

with their best frenemies.

Tonight, on the main stage,

they're gonna make their

live nightclub debut.

Are you ready

for some double trouble?

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

First up, Latrice and Willam.

- ♪ I'm Latrice ♪

♪ And I'm the whole show ♪

- ♪ Uh-uh,

it's a competition ♪

♪ I thought you'd know ♪

- ♪ Well, at least

my mustache don't show ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than you ♪

- ♪ Excuse me, sir ♪

- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

I feel good vibes

coming from this.

both: ♪ I do ♪

- Willam is in it to win it.

I'm in it to win it.

Let's do this damn thing.

♪ Your lip-sync ♪

♪ Is always behind ♪

- [laughs]

- ♪ At least my dresses ♪

♪ Don't make them blind ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than you ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪

[laughter]

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

♪ I'm the best ♪

- Oh!

- ♪ At being a loser ♪

- [laughs]

- All the jokes land,

but any chance to be onstage

is a chance to shine.

I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- Whoo!

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

both: ♪ Better than ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- [laughs]

both: ♪ So much better ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- Whoo!

- Yeah!

- Phi Phi O'Hara

and Sharon Needles.

- ♪ I wear heels ♪

♪ That heighten the mood ♪

- ♪ My balloons have attitude ♪

- ♪ People never think ♪

♪ That I'm a dude ♪

- ♪ Yeah, right ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than you ♪

- ♪ You little devil, you ♪

- ♪ I do ♪

♪ Let's state facts ♪

♪ You're orange, not tan ♪

- ♪ This coming from ♪

Miss Marilyn Manson? ♪

- ♪ Well, I'd rather be pale ♪

♪ Than have a tan in a can ♪

- ♪ What? ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than you ♪

- I think she added

a teaspoon or two

of Christina "Agliera,"

but that's another matter.

- ♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

♪ I'm the best at ♪

- ♪ Being a loser ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- I could tell that the judges

looked a little bored.

I'm going to be so pissed if

this cheesy song and dance

number sends me out of here.

both: ♪ So much better ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- Whoo!

- Chad Michaels, Dida Ritz.

- Hello, Dida, darling.

- Hello, Chad.

How are you?

- I'm a legend.

- Well, that's debatable.

- I never.

- ♪ I wear heels ♪

♪ That heighten the mood ♪

- ♪ My balloons have attitude ♪

- ♪ People never think ♪

♪ That I'm a dude ♪

I could hear my voice

kind of shaking a little bit.

RuPaul is right in front of you.

Don't f*ck it up!

- ♪ When I do Cher ♪

♪ You can't take it ♪

- ♪ With all this cheesecake ♪

♪ I can't fake it ♪

- ♪ Cheesecake, fake it ♪

♪ Please don't break it ♪

- [gasps]

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than you ♪

- But at least my face moves

when I frown.

♪ I'm a legendary ♪

- ♪ Makeup abuser ♪

- Oh! Skag!

- ♪ I'm the best ♪

- ♪ At being the loser ♪

- Oh!

♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much better ♪

- ♪ I do it so much ♪

- ♪ I do it so ♪

both: ♪ I do it so much ♪

♪ Better than ♪

♪ Than you ♪

- ♪ So much ♪

- ♪ Better than you ♪

- Oh!

Dida, you bitch! Oh!

[laughter]

- Thank you.

- Welcome, ladies.

This week, we asked you

to combine your strengths

and weaknesses to create

one dynamic duo,

so tonight,

you'll be judged as a couple.

First up, Willam

and Latrice Royale.

Tell us about your performance.

- She has definitely gotten me

out of my comfort zone

a little bit.

[laughter]

This is not exactly what

I would do normally,

but absolutely loving

that I'm showcasing

the curves and swerves

I represent for the big girls.

- [laughs]

Do you feel that this outfit

compromises your Christianity?

- Jesus is a biscuit,

and I let him sop me up, so...

- Yes!

[laughter]

- You guys look amazing.

I love the lingerie,

the stockings.

Your shoes are k*ller.

- Oh, they're Versace.

- And that pratfall.

I'm using that trick.

That was some Vegas sh*t.

- But sometimes too much shtick

can get in the way.

- You two were sort of

like a Laurel and Hardy

or a Jane Russell/Marilyn Monroe

sort of combination.

You're really different,

but you worked so well together

and I really enjoyed it.

- Thank you, ladies.

- I just have to say one thing.

- What's that?

- America's Got Talent

has nothing on this show.

- Uh, hear, hear.

- This is a great show,

and there's so much talent

on the stage,

it's fun to see.

- Thanks, Pamela.

- Next up, Chad Michaels

and Dida Ritz.

- Hi, Ru.

- Hi.

- So, Dida, who did it better?

- Uh...

- Just say it, bitch.

- I will say me.

- That's right.

[laughter]

- What about you, Chad?

- Of course, darling, it was me.

[laughter]

- Sorry.

- I was getting a cavity,

listening to you two.

[laughter]

It was so Roxie and Velma.

It was very Chicago,

which I love.

- Well, I feel a little

like Paula Abdul,

'cause I loved everything.

[laughter]

- Dida, sometimes when you get

really, really excited

and you're singing

and you have so much energy,

you kind of lose

a little bit of the vocals.

- I think the jokes may have

fallen a little flat

because you couldn't hear

what you were saying.

- Next up, Sharon Needles

and Phi Phi O'Hara.

How did it feel up there?

- Me and Phi Phi have had

some bad blood here.

I've always found it

kind of hard to be accepted

by glamorous pageant-y queens,

and I took a little bit

of that mindset

into this competition.

- Calling her a pageant queen,

is that a read?

- Sharon, you could learn

something from pageant queens.

You're not losing Sharon Needles

in this glam look.

- I love this hair.

- It's gorgeous on you.

- I should have

done this a long...

this is some country crock hair.

- I think you guys were great,

and you look a little Janice

Dickinson and you're me.

- That's what I was channeling.

- I loved it.

- When you came down

to the bottom of the stage,

I loved that you were

trying the harmonies,

but they're a little bit off.

- I do feel like the comedy

was underplayed.

I think you guys

should have been funnier.

- Y'all were almost too nice.

It's a frenemies type of thing.

You know, it's kind of like, uh,

you're cutting on each other.

It was hard to even hear

if there was any shade in there.

- Thank you, ladies.

While you untuck in

the Interior Illusions Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

Just between us girls...

- [sighs]

- What do you think?

Willam and Latrice Royale.

- Latrice stepped out

of her comfort zone,

and it looked great.

Vocally, I thought Willam

could really sing.

I did love their shtick

that they did,

but it kind of

took over the song.

- A little less might have been

a little bit more in this case.

- Well, I thought that their act

was very polished.

I really liked the choreography.

I thought it was very smooth

and it was very worked out.

- Now, would you have them open

for you in Vegas?

- Yes!

Especially with that little...

that thing at the end,

when they threw the purse

and she tripped or whatever.

- Yeah, that was good.

- The pratfall was great.

- Chad Michaels and Dida Ritz,

the ingenue and the veteran.

- The duo felt a little lopsided

with Dida's energy

being over the top.

- She was so energized,

and that's a great thing,

but that can also be

detrimental sometimes.

The microphone was a bit close,

like she gonna swallow it.

- Now, is that a bad thing?

- [laughs]

Not normally.

- All right, let's move on

to Sharon Needles

and Phi Phi O'Hara,

the devil and the angel.

- They started with the

harmonies, and I was like,

oh, my God, I'm so impressed.

They're singing in harmo...uh-oh.

Oh.

[laughter]

- I loved their voices together,

but then, I'm tone deaf.

[laughter]

And I thought there

could have been used

a little more choreography

at the beginning,

but I have no rhythm, so...

- Oh!

[laughs]

- Yesterday, there was some

undercurrent of tension

between them and then, today,

they seemed like

they had their shtick together.

They knew exactly what they were

doing, but unfortunately,

their shtick

didn't have a lot of shtick.

- I did like their outfits.

I thought that the angel

and devil thing was a good idea,

but it didn't really deliver,

because you couldn't even tell

any jabs were being thrown.

- All right.

Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

Based on your frenemies

nightclub act

and your presentations

on the main stage,

I've made some decisions.

Now, you are all troupers,

but tonight,

one duo did it so much better.

The winner of this week's

main challenge is...

Willam and Latrice Royale.

[applause]

You each win a custom corset

skirt and brassiere

of versatilecorsets.Com.

- I didn't expect to win

this challenge.

I'm really glad I didn't let

my partner down.

It's pretty f*cking cool.

- That leaves Chad and Dida,

and Phi Phi and Sharon.

- [groans]

- Ladies, it's come to

a point in the competition

where every decision

is a painful one.

Phi Phi O'Hara

and Sharon Needles...

- [vomiting]

I feel kind of, like,

gut bubbles,

and I feel really sick.

I didn't want

to make RuPaul wait.

I didn't want to make

any of the guest judges wait.

I'm sorry.

So I tried to throw up

off the stage.

- It's really not cute.

- Willam, are you okay

to continue?

All right.

Phi Phi O'Hara

and Sharon Needles,

you are up for elimination.

Chad Michaels, Dida Ritz,

you may join the other girls.

- I was nice to Sharon,

and it backfired.

You know what?

I'm done.

I'm not playing nice

with you anymore.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourselves

from elimination.

The time has come for you

to lip-sync for your life.

- I don't want to go home,

plain and simple.

- Good luck,

and don't f*ck it up.

- This is RuPaul.

- And this is Martha Wash.

- We are reporting

to you live...

- From our weather center.

Honey, just when

you thought it was safe

to go back outside...

both: Bam, the sequel!

- ♪ Tonight

for the first time ♪

- ♪ The first time ♪

- ♪ Just about half past ten ♪

- ♪ Half past ten ♪

- ♪ Uh-huh ♪

- ♪ For the first time ♪

♪ In history ♪

- ♪ Say what? ♪

- ♪ It's gonna start ♪

♪ Raining men ♪

- ♪ All right, girl ♪

- ♪ It's raining men ♪

- Hey!

- ♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Amen ♪

- Oh, crap.

My wig was hanging on

by one freakin' bobby pin.

I'm not keeping

that bitch on my head.

It might as well go.

It's in my way.

- ♪ Rough and tough ♪

♪ And strong and lean ♪

♪ God bless Mother Nature ♪

- That's right, honey.

And she did ♪

♪ What she had to do now ♪

- I've worked too hard

and I've gone too far

into this competition,

and I'm not gonna get kicked off

because of some showgirl

Barbie doll.

- ♪ It's raining men ♪

- ♪ What you talkin' 'bout ♪

- I know how Phi Phi

dances and performs.

I was shocked to see

that Sharon is keeping up.

This is tough to watch,

because you don't know

who is gonna go home.

- ♪ Rip off the roof ♪

♪ And stay in bed ♪

- ♪ Rip off the roof ♪

And stay in bed ♪

- ♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Amen ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ It's raining men ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Ladies, I have made

my decision.

- I'm very f*cking nervous.

It was my first time

having my fate

dangled in front of my face.

- Willam, will you please

step forward.

- What the hell is happening?

- Willam, you won tonight

because you are a beautiful

and talented queen,

but it has come to my attention

that you have broken the Rules...

Rules that are in place

to protect the fairness

of this competition.

Your actions have consequences,

and I'm afraid

you leave me no choice.

Willam, I have to ask you

to leave the competition

immediately.

Now, sashay away.

- I broke the Rules,

but I'm a big boy

dressed in big girl's clothes,

so regret's kind of like

a fool's game.

I can't change anything

that I did,

and there's no use spending

any time dwelling on it.

I stood on stage, sick,

with a 24-inch-waist,

and I'm proud of myself.

- Phi Phi O'Hara,

Sharon Needles,

in light of tonight's events,

you got lucky.

You are both safe.

Shante, you stay.

[applause]

You may join the other girls.

My fierce five, let this

be a warning to all of you,

in the race to become

America's next drag superstar,

sometimes a queen's worst enemy

can be herself.

Now remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

all: Amen.

- All right.

Now let the music play.
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