04x12 - RuPaul Rewind

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "RuPaul's Drag Race". Aired: February 2, 2009 – present.*
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RuPaul plays the role of host, mentor, and head judge for this series, as contestants are given different challenges each week.
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04x12 - RuPaul Rewind

Post by bunniefuu »

- Ladies and gentlemen,

the one, the only...

RuPaul.

- ♪ This is the beginning ♪

♪ The beginning ♪

♪ This is the beginning ♪

♪ Of the rest of your life ♪

♪ Better get it, get it ♪

♪ Ge-ge-get it, get it ♪

♪ Right, right ♪

♪ Get it, get it ♪

♪ Ge-ge-get it, get it ♪

♪ Right, right ♪

- This is the Glamazon edition

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Stuffed and tucked with

everything you love and more.

- There's a hole in my stomach!

- Plus, never-before-seen

footage

from the you better work room.

- Yes, I know how

to sop it up, girl!

- Then it's celebrities

caught on tape,

with exclusive outtakes

from the judges' panel.

- I felt like I was maybe

about to watch

some sort of an adult,

erotic film of sorts.

- Oh, dear.

- And watch out,

fashion police.

We're counting down the most

sickening fits and fashions

with the arresting Chanel,

Mariah, and Pandora Boxx.

- ♪ This is the beginning ♪

♪ Of the rest of your life ♪

- So don't go anywhere.

The Glamazon edition

of RuPaul's Drag Race

is ready to let you have it,

Auntie.

Can I get an amen up in here?

Cameroon?

[weakly] Anybody?

Helloo?

- Are you making fun of me,

Michelle?

- Some drag queens

can be so touchy.

[slap]

- Welcome to the Glamazon

edition of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Thanks to you, this season has

been the biggest drag ever.

Let's flash back and share

some extra-special footage

that no one's seen.

Take a look at the casting tapes

that tried to snatch

my attention,

including some familiar faces.

♪ I'm in your arms ♪

♪ Champion ♪

♪ Greatest of 'em all ♪

- Oh, sh*t,

that's the wrong song!

- Can you believe I walk around

with no eyebrows, child?

- Gah! Eat it, bitch! Aah!

- ♪ Everybody wants her ♪

♪ Miss sexy in the city ♪

♪ She's on the prowl ♪

- Why do you want me?

Um...look at me.

- I split, my butt cheeks

hit the floor.

Who does that?

This bitch.

- ♪ Sashay, chante ♪

♪ Panther on the runway ♪

♪ Do it, do it, oh oh ♪

♪ All the girls say ♪

♪ Welcome to the jungle ♪

- Miss Phi Phi

does not like to lose.

- What is this? I don't even

know what this means.

Why am I even here today?

- You said you come in for Chad

Michaels in RuPaul's Drag Race.

- The first Latin

Puertorriquena that win!

- I...will...

take my Vaseline out.

- Oh, I see, so this is some

sort of free

public service announcement

for some drag queen.

You know what? I don't

have time for this sh*t.

- I will take my earrings off.

- I'm gonna do

whatever it takes.

- I don't give up.

- Get rid of the pretty

and knock a bitch out.

- The Princess.

Now, when you hear that name,

you're thinking, well,

she thinks pretty

damn highly of herself.

- My friend wanna be

on RuPaul's Drag Race

'cause she this friend name

Willam who's hella cool.

- I got charisma, uniqueness,

nerve, and talent.

And as far as I'm concerned,

I'm pretty sure that's what

you're looking for, Ru.

- I think that,

in this business,

we all should be sisters,

we all should be friends.

We're one of a kind,

so we all should have our backs

and support everybody, and

that's my philosophy on that.

- ♪ Female phenomena ♪

♪ A Glamazon ♪

♪ She's so wild, so animal ♪

♪ She's gonna work that ♪

♪ Sexy body, so sexual ♪

♪ She's like a female... ♪

- I'm gonna win of this

competition!

- Win the competition.

- I came to win.

- ♪ Amazon na na na ♪

- I'm a f*cking Oscar-winner!

I'm out of here!

- Oh! Hi.

I didn't see you come in there.

Welcome to my home.

- This one's my favorite

that I made.

I actually just made it.

Pins on just like this.

- Hairpieces that I make.

I do big hair too, but you...oh.

It's coming apart

like Shangela hair,

something to do with this.

- This, believe it or not,

is a shower curtain.

And, believe me,

it has many, many uses.

- I made this little

piece right here.

This is from white party.

- I definitely see,

like, Britney Spears

wearing something like this.

- You'll see my Dolly Parton

hair over here.

- Well, here we have a drag

queen's best friend...sequins.

Oh, that just bounces off of my

face, and it's just making me

just so sickening.

- There's a hole in my stomach!

I'm a big fan of, like, punk

rock,

and I'm not talking, like,

Pat Benatar punk rock, honey.

I'm talking like Jane Wayne

County punk rock.

[glass shatters]

- I'll send her home, girl.

- You...

- I can lip-sync the sh*t

out of you, girl.

- I mean...oh...

- Girl.

- Well, that's because you do

songs that everyone knows.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- I love him more than

anything.

And I do really mean that,

baby.

- I love you too, sweetheart.

- Let's go on TV and be famous.

- I know.

Mm, mm.

- 13 exceptional queens were

invited to join the race.

And when they received

the good news,

their reactions

were truly touching.

[Thus Spake Zarathustra]

♪ ♪

- Huh?

I made it?

What...what...like,

I'm on the show?

- Whoo!

- Aah! Ha!

- [laughing]

- [gasps]

- [laughing]

- Shut your mouth.

- Oh, my God!

This is it. This is it!

This is it!

- So I think you guys

should do this:

You guys should probably

fit me for the crown,

'cause I plan

on taking it home.

- It's gonna be an honor to be

a part of this part

of drag history.

- I'm so grateful, so,

so grateful to you guys.

- Whew! Oh, my God.

I'm going to be on f*cking

RuPaul's Drag Race.

Season 4.

- So how does that

make you feel?

- Yay. Ooh,

my teeth look good too.

- Once they arrived,

these girls wasted no time

doing what drag queens do best...

ki ki!

Now, I proudly present the world

premiere of...

sh*t My Girls Say.

- The library is now open.

- No sale, no search, no shade.

- No shade.

- No shade.

- No shade, no tea.

- Work.

- No tea.

- No tea, no shade.

- No tea, no shade.

- Girl...

- No, but no shade, no tea.

- Ooh!

- Oww!

- The category is cheesecake.

- Cheesecake.

- Eat it!

- I will never be late

for dinner.

- Eat it!

- Bella!

- Are you upset because you

can't handle all this fishiness?

- Bitch, you are a fish!

- Gorgeous fish.

- Eat it. Eat it!

- I'm probably gonna get read

for Phil...for Phil...for Phil.

- b*at that wig!

- b*ating the face, girl.

- Yeah, but not literally

b*ating my face.

- I am trying!

- A post-apocolake...apocolake.

A post-apocolake.

Apocolake.

That's all I...

that's how I say it.

- I love being a woman.

- I love p*ssy.

- Yes, who doesn't?

- They all assume that

I want to be a woman,

like, and I don't.

- You gotta find the inner diva.

- Lookin' fabulous!

- Work it, girl.

- Put some foam around that ass.

- When making your ass, always

draw the shape of Africa.

- This is gonna look a hot mess.

- Should I tuck?

- All you have to do is dip it

in some apple cider vinegar

and it tightens right back up.

[kiss]

- Daylight is no friend

of the dragoon.

- Dry those tears and powder

those cheekbones, okay?

- This is called

cutting a cheek.

- You know how much garbage

comes out of these

over-painted lips.

- Yes, ma'am!

- Girl, no.

- My moustache

is gonna start showing.

- People don't even know how

much of a man

it takes to be a drag queen.

- Where the f*ck are my tits?

- If you have a cameltoe,

that's perfect.

- This season, with all

the backstage conflama...

that's "conflict" and "drama"...

we couldn't fit it all

into the series.

So let's start

with some sassy outtakes

from the You Better Work room.

- If we had to imitate

somebody in here,

- Okay, but Willam...

- I would do Willam.

- Willam, 'cause, you know...

[laughter]

- Hold on, hold on.

I'm actressing.

You can catch me

on Sex and the City and...

[laughter]

Extras for...

- Oh, my God!

- Any extra that they ever

needed a gay prost*tute.

- Willam.

- And the category is?

- Oh, my God!

[laughs]

- People must just look at you

and be like,

"Oh, my God, Jujubee!"

- That's the Lane Bryant

Jujubee.

- She went to a buffet before

she entered the race.

- Wow.

- Really, bitch?

- She is a bitch.

I'm a bitch. You're a bitch.

What does "bitch" mean?

both: Being In Total

Control Of Herself.

- Bitch!

[laughter]

- Does anyone know any good

drag toasts for drinks?

- Here's to women,

women divine,

they bloom every month,

they bear every nine,

the only of God's creatures

this side of hell

that they could get juice from

a nut without cracking a shell.

- Oh!

- I got one too.

Here's to the girl

in the little brown shoes.

She'll eat your man

and drink your booze.

She'll eat your cherry

and drink your gin,

but thank God I got my deep

brown box my cherry came in.

- Cheers!

- Michelle,

you look fantastic.

- Thank...Sharon, thank you,

thank you.

- Say, you know,

the thing about me and RuPaul...

when we go down to a gay bar,

we both get mistaken

for drag queens.

[laughter]

I don't know!

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's just me.

- You know what,

Cher, I like you,

and I'm gonna tell you why.

- Tell me.

- You don't give a f*ck.

- I don't give a rat's ass.

- And that's what I like

about you.

- I don't give a rat's ass.

You know, I'm every

gay man's best friend.

And that's a lot of holes

to fill.

- [laughs]

Now, I created

RuPaul's Drag Race

to elevate the art of drag.

But I know you all love it

when these b*tches get shady.

Roll the tape.

- Y'all got enough sewing

machines over there?

Y'all look like a sweatshop.

- Jiggly too...she talkin'

about she saw this thing.

- Who?

- Her.

- This bitch is shady.

- That smelly bitch,

she got nerve.

- Who, me?

- Yeah, you, you monster.

- Me? I'm monster?

- Yeah, you.

- Who's the big one in here?

- Girl, you look like a horse.

- Roar.

- You look like a horse.

- You wanna call me a horse,

honey, that's fine.

Horses have gorgeous legs,

and these legs will kick.

- You look like you've been

kicking, all right...

kicking flour.

Put some lotion on them

ashy-ass knees.

- Bitch, bye, boo!

- You ugly,

and I'm at peace with it.

[laughter]

- Willam's school for b*tches

is now opening,

accepting enrollments

for the 2011...

- I already graduated.

- Nurse. Like, "Oh, nurse."

- Nurse.

- Yeah, 'cause she needs help.

And nurses help people.

Nurse.

- Did this bitch really

just come for me?

- Ooh, nurse!

- All that venom inside you,

mama.

We need to do an extraction.

- Out of me?

- Yeah.

- You think I'm evil?

- Didn't Sharon look pretty

yesterday?

- What?

- Sharon. I was shocked.

- [laughs]

- Don't think about it.

What makes you happy? Food?

Food makes you happy, right?

- I know you have low

self-esteem,

so I'll let you think you won.

- Thank you.

- Your attitude sucks.

It sucks, and you suck.

- I can't hear you.

- What did you read me about

now, you bitch?

- Girl, you're so insecure.

Nobody was even

talking about you.

Paint your face.

- You're such a rude bitch,

Phi Phi.

- Oh, well.

You might not have to deal

with it for long.

- [chuckling]

- Just like Glee,

there's something

about RuPaul's Drag Race

that makes a queen just

break out in song.

- ♪ Comin' down the runway

in a velvet gown ♪

♪ I pound down the runway,

400 pounds ♪

♪ I'm Latrice ♪

- ♪ She's Latrice ♪

- I'm Latrice!

- Cover girl!

Why your base look like chalk?

[all howling with laughter]

- ♪ Crunchy toes, busted pose ♪

You can't walk!

- You better do it, bitch!

- Walk.

Don't walk.

Walk!

- She is so stupid.

- Don't walk!

[laughter]

- ♪ Sharon Needles ♪

♪ Don't share your needles ♪

♪ With Sharon Needles ♪

- ♪ Don't share your needle ♪

♪ With Sharon Needles ♪

You'll get the ♪

[claps]

- [laughs]

- ♪ Or the butt flu ♪

♪ You will, [cough cough] ♪

♪ Or maybe ah-choo ♪

- ♪ Jesus is a biscuit ♪

all: ♪ Sop you up ♪

- There you go!

♪ Jesus is a biscuit ♪

♪ Won't let him sop you up ♪

- Did she just say "A biscuit"?

- Yeah.

- What's that mean,

"Jesus is a biscuit"?

- Let him sop you up.

- Sop you up?

- Sop up stuff with a biscuit.

- You do?

- Y'all so white

and Anglo-Saxon and sh*t.

Y'all never heard of

sopping it up with a biscuit?

- No.

- No, seriously, what's sop up?

- Sopping it up means you, like,

take your syrup

and your biscuit or whatever,

and you sop it up.

- Yeah, I do eat that.

- You know about sopping it up...

- Oh, you take

the biscuit after...

when it's on your plate,

and you go...

- That's soppin' it up!

- That's soppin' it...

yes, I know how to sop it up,

girl!

- Now, a lot of what happens

during filming

is just too hot to air, so label

these next clips N.S.F.W....

Not safe for the workroom.

- There's a bunch of booties

back here.

- Mama, somebody left, like,

a dirty Kotex in my station.

- Aah! I think Phi Phi

might be in heat.

- Guys, my butt hurts.

- [trilling]

- If you fart, bitch, I swear.

'cause you's a gassy ho.

- [laughing] I can't.

- You never know which end

it's gonna come out of.

- [burps]

- Rick Santorum is,

if you google his name,

there is a filthy, filthy

definition that comes up,

because a gay man

was smart enough to make it

an urban dictionary word

or something.

And he hates gay people.

So I'm glad that

it's called that.

- Oh...my God.

I did not know all this.

- The queens just love to sit

around the table

debating hot topics.

It's like The View,

only more ladylike.

Hey, Miss Hasselbeck,

no tea, no shade.

Word up, girl.

- What president do you think

or have you found to be

the best or good-looking?

You know, like, the hottest

president we've had?

- Oh, my Mr. Obama.

- You think he's hot?

- Absolutely, he's so handsome.

- You do him? Yeah?

- Absolutely, and then I think...

- Bill Clinton.

- Bill Clinton.

- That's who I got my vote.

- Eww.

- When he first started,

he was hot.

- But President Obama, he's...

I've always thought he was just

so handsome and so charismatic.

- Lincoln was kind of cute.

He was really, really...

he was really tall and...

- In like a woodsman

kind of way.

- Yeah, and he wore, like,

a steampunk's top hat.

He looked really punk.

- Didn't George Washington

wear wigs?

- He did.

- So he could

double our collection.

- And Taft, if you're

a chubby chaser.

He was all right.

He's the one that got stuck

in the tub.

- Huh.

- Wow.

- Doing what?

- The one thing I didn't get is,

what is with the wig wars

when drag queens snatch off

their wigs during a lip-sync?

- Well, I mean...

- Like, you took off

a sequined dress,

and your wig stayed on.

And then, all of a sudden,

she just pulls her off.

- Well, you know, I felt like

you're in the moment,

and that song has so much

angst going on in it,

and I literally couldn't, like,

the hair was in my face.

- Well, that's one thing.

- So I was like,

"I gotta get rid of this hair,

so they can see my lips."

- But why did she

pull off her wig?

- It just...y'all,

they got down, girl.

They got down.

- It's lip sync for your life.

You know?

- If the wig falls off,

it falls off,

but I am not personally

taking that bitch off.

- It's all staying on, bitch,

when I do it.

- All those pins in there...

bitch, I had, like,



- That's a desperate cry

for attention.

- A little I Am What I am,

La Cage.

- You know? Yeah.

But it's, like, unnecessary.

I understand you're born

this way, but...

- Right.

- Yeah, right now, you gotta be

a woman and stay a woman.

And you're k*lling my illusion.

- Where do you stand on these

very important issues?

Tweet your thoughts

to #DragRace,

and I will retweet my favorites.

Welcome back to the Glamazon

edition of RuPaul's Drag Race.

It's time to flashback to the

queens' most memorable moments.

All right, boys.

Let me see what you got.

Now the first queen to leave us

was Shangela Laquifa Wadley.

- Hallelu!

I'm back, b*tches.

[group groans]

Hallelu is in the building.

- After trying to crash

the party one more time,

I had her removed

from the competition...

[cheering]

And sent some place where

they'd really appreciate

her style and humor.

- [screaming]

- Let's just say

the zombies ate her up.

- Aah, hallelu!

Hallelu!

- Hello, how y'all doing?

- Alisa Summers experienced

quite a lot

in her short time here.

She braved exposure

to toxic waste.

- Do we get a barf bag?

- Aah!

- And a zombie att*ck.

But her post-apocalyptic runway

couture

didn't devastate our judges...

and Alisa Summers

did not survive.

Now, Lashauwn Beyond

was something unique

to this competition...

a shy drag queen.

- Hi, queen one.

- Hi.

- Now, her apocalyp...

her...her [indistinct]

- "Post-apocolake."

- Her couture was

out of this world.

But Lashauwn lacked nerve.

And it do take nerve.

What can't you believe?

- That I'm here.

- Bitch, you're here.

- Yeah, honey,

you better snap out of it.

But in week two, Lashauwn

was sent to the great beyond.

all: Whoa.

- Hi.

- The Princess,

a reserved extrovert,

struggled to let

her sparkle shine.

- [singing]

Do you feel like you've come

to the end of your road?

- After lackluster performances,

the judges felt The Princess

didn't have enough

zing in her Zen.

But she'll live forever

as Drag Race royalty.

- Hi, y'all.

- [screaming]

- What's the Spanish word

for roller coaster?

I bet Madame Laqueer knows,

because that was her ride

on Drag Race.

She won the wrestling

competition...

- Jiggly, get your butt

over here.

- [chuckles]

- But was always the last person

picked for teams.

- I wouldn't want to choose

Madame for my team

because I don't want her.

- She was team captain

for the sitcom challenge.

- [screams]

- But after a Razzie-worthy

performance,

Madame Laqueer

had to sashay away.

- Hey,

there's a new girl in town.

Let's get to business.

- Next stop, Paris, London,

Milan.

- Mahogany.

- This queen brought Broadway

experience to the competition.

- That young man look pretty

mature enough

to handle a beaver on his own.

- Um, Milan.

You're kind of

playing this stuff out here.

Look at the person

that you're talking to.

- Sorry.

- Her fierce lip sync helped her

stay in the game.

But the third time

was not a charm.

And Milan was sent back

to Broadway.

- Hi.

- What's good, ladies?

- Next up,

Miss Jiggly Caliente.

- [singing]

- And yes,

you may call her Jiggly.

She started strong, by winning

the toxic photo sh**t.

- Yeah!

[cheering]

- But her hoarding couture

put her up for elimination.

- I'm getting

my eyeballs assaulted.

- Her tough New York

attitude...

do you take the train and drive?

- Yes, mama,

I have to get to work.

- Jiggly will cut a bitch.

- Thank you.

- Soon gave way to self-doubt.

- What the hell

would I write about

how to eat a pound of chicken?

- Exactly, that's funny.

- Oh.

Damn.

- She fought hard

in the lip syncs.

But the third and final face off

was the last for this

plus-sized Barbie.

- Deuces.

[laughter]

- Willam's rare combination

of sexy and funny

made her the queen to b*at.

- Ooh, a 26, damn.

We got some big girls.

I hope they don't have diabetes.

- Already a successful

working actor...

- You look really familiar, Ma.

- Me?

You must have a television.

- She never let us forget it.

- I was on Boston Public

with you.

I was the best friend

of Candace Kane when she d*ed.

I d*ed on Nip/Tuck.

CSI: New York,

Women's m*rder Club.

- Is that Willam

dropping names over there?

- Her acting experience served

her well in the challenges...

- Willam, you're funny.

- Thank you, hire me.

[laughter]

And so did her sickening body.

- I hope that lotion's

waterproof.

- But when I discovered

that off-screen,

Willam had violated show rules,

I had no choice but to give

this sexy drag queen

the heave-ho.

Willam, it has come to my

attention

that you have broken the rules.

Willam, I have to ask you

to leave the competition

immediately.

Now, sashay away.

- Category is...

all: Cheesecake!

- Our next queen was a tasty

slice of cheesecake.

Dida Ritz.

[cheering]

- Bonjour, ladies.

- Feisty and lovable...

- How you doing?

- How you doing?

- It's nice to see you again.

- Dida won fans on the runway.

- Supermodel.

- The judges lived for her long

legs and catwalk stomping,

but felt her fashion sense

was a bit pedestrian.

- Outfit-wise, I wasn't moved

one way or the other.

- My name is Dida Ritz,

I'm here representing...

or running for Wig Party.

- Her presidential debate did

not win her any supporters...

- I thought you were

the weakest debater.

- And she was voted

off the show.

But had there been

a wig-whipping challenge,

Dida may just have gone

all the way.

- Hi, girls.

[cheering]

- Little Kenya Michaels

was a tiny queen

who posed a big thr*at

to the other girls.

- [laughs]

- She's cute.

- f*ck.

- Kenya was a spicy firebird

on the runway...

- Bella!

- And in the wrestling ring.

- Praise God!

[indistinct yelling]

- What did you just do?

- In the snatch game,

we weren't Crazy In Love

with her Beyonce impression.

Oh!

And Kenya was sent packing.

[kisses]

- Ay!

[cheering]

- But the judges felt Kenya

had more to offer,

and invited her back.

But when her makeover of a dad

turned into a dud...

- Being pregnant's hard.

- Macabre too, apparently.

- Yeah.

- It was hasta la vista

for this sexy senorita.

[kisses]

[cheering]

- Ow!

Eat it!

- Sit back, relax, and pour

yourself an ice cold glass

of miss Latrice Royale.

- The shade,

the shade of it all.

- Her curves and swerves had the

judges captivated,

and so did her body slams.

- Aah!

- Mmm.

Well, hello, gorgeous.

- As Large Marge, she k*lled it

in the sitcom challenge.

- Get those nuts

away from my face.

- Her full-bodied grace

and soul made her a contender

to win it all.

But when her canine couture

went to the dogs,

Latrice was sent home.

- I am Latrice Royale.

- b*tches better beware.

all: ♪ Latrice! ♪

- Royale!

[applause]

- All my queens

are sickening, no?

But which one is your favorite?

Go to newnownext.com

and vote for Miss Congeniality.

Do it for your lips.

Welcome back to the Glamazon

edition of RuPaul's Drag Race.

The best seat in town

is the judges' table.

With my best squirrel friend,

Michelle Visage,

and my Judge Judys,

Santino Rice and Billy "V"

by my side...

well, things can get

a little bit stupid.

- If you do the research,

you won't have those

deer-in-headlights moments.

It's all the help.

- Did you just call her

the help?

- No, I said I'm here to help.

So I called myself the help.

- I see.

- It's okay because

I called myself the help,

and I am a black man...

dressed as a white woman.

- Yes.

- Sound familiar?

- Mm-hmm.

[laughter]

- I did think of Grey Gardens,

that smell of cat piss.

- I thought that was me, so...

[laughter]

- When I look at you, it almost

looks like an Austin Powers

kind of joke or something.

If clothes looked like a couch,

or an ottoman, or a loveseat,

you just wanna stay away

from it, you know?

[barking]

- What did you just call me?

- And no matter where I am

in this studio,

I can hear her laughs.

And it's just the most beautiful

thing I've ever heard.

- [laughing]

- Every time she laughs,

her nuts get bigger.

- This season,

the judges' panel

was more star-studded than ever.

They were looking good

and feeling gorgeous.

- With the tattoos,

I felt like I was maybe about

to watch some sort of an adult,

erotic film of sorts...

- Oh, dear.

- Which, not opposed to at all.

- Hello.

Well, welcome to the jungle.

- America's got talent

has nothing on this show.

- She looks like Divine Brown,

but we're trying to excite

America, not Hugh Grant.

- She was going for

Sex and the City,

and it was more like

"Sex in the Alley."

- Well, I'm not gonna

turn that down either.

- I really want a drag name.

- Jennifer Love Hewitt

is the best drag name

I have ever heard.

I'm changing my name

to RuPaul Love Hewitt.

- [laughs]

[thunder]

- The judges provided the queens

with constructive criticism,

but I swear, some of them was

jealous of they boogie.

- I appreciate those

hair and pants.

- You can have them

when I'm done.

- Okay, girl. They're mine.

- They're yours.

- 'Cause I love them.

- May I borrow

that hairpiece you had?

- The red one?

- Yes.

- I would like to borrow

your dress.

- You can have it.

- From your neck up,

I would decapitate you

and wear your head.

And I'm living for that ring.

- This is actually a broach.

I just threw a ring on it.

- Bitch.

- And PS, f*ck you for having

the most amazing body ever.

- Your body is possibly

the sickest I've ever seen

on a queen in any season.

It's the legs, then she

turns around, it's the ass,

and that face...

my God.

- Your legs are really

something major,

and that is amazing.

- How dare they have better

legs than me?

How very dare they?

- Now, the celebrities weren't

just here to look fierce.

Once I scanned

their library cards,

those b*tches

were ready to read.

- If we were gonna

go out on the town,

I'd pull you aside and say,

"Let's go look in your closet

closet and find something else."

- The wig looked like a litter

of kittens had sucked on it,

and she found it in the garbage.

- I would love to have

a cocktail with you.

Whether or not I would

get up to use the bathroom

and never come back,

I don't know.

[laughter]

- Is that a pot scrubber

on your head,

or are you just happy to see me?

- I was wondering,

after I painted my room,

where the drop cloth went.

- Yeah, there it is, right.

- That's where it was.

- Last night, my leftovers were

in the shape of aluminum foil

with a swan, you know?

- Mm-hmm.

- And somebody

put your leftovers

in the shape of Jiggly.

- [laughs]

- You know, that was a little

Jonbenet Ramsey.

That was a little creepy for me.

- You know, before,

I had a problem

with the makeup

every single time.

Today was the best

that it's been.

- Now, is that a read?

- A little bit.

- Uh-huh.

The celebrities also revealed

plenty of personal information

that we tastefully chose not

to include in the show...

until now.

I need more energy on the panel.

So I need about five hamsters.

Are there any in the building?

- Including her tits.

- [laughs]

- All right, Wy.

Winner of the challenge?

- This is very hard for me.

I feel like they should all

win something.

I'd rather go to the

gynecologist than do this.

- I'm gonna go

to the gynecologist

with you after this.

- I like a pap smear.

Count me in.

- I love ex-cons, but that's

a whole nother show.

- I've gotten in trouble

with a couple of those.

- I think it cheapens

you a little bit,

like a hooker in the Bronx.

- They're expensive.

- Oh. Oh, are they?

John said they're expensive.

- I have seen larger queens

turn it out.

- Yes, miss perky.

- Are you talking about

my chest?

- You've been talking about it

all day, you're so cute.

Go forward.

- I want her fondle me.

- I'll fondle you.

- There you go.

- Phone call for RuPaul?

Okay, yeah, all right.

Obama's calling me

real quick, hold on.

Somebody said you'd bumped your

head earlier.

How is your head?

- Haven't had

any complaints yet.

[laughter]

Welcome back to the Glamazon

edition of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Now, this season the runway was

a fashion phenomenon.

And to help me rate

the ra sha sha,

I've invited back

queens from all seasons.

Welcome the sensational Chanel,

that funny fox Pandora Boxx,

and last, but not least,

we call this queen Mariah.

Hello, ladies.

- Hello.

- Hi, Ru.

- Are you ready to countdown

the top ten most sickening

fits and fashions of the runway?

- Uh, my tuck is on fire.

- Literally.

- Yes.

- Let's go.

Coming in at number ten,

Milan serving disco harem chic.

Burn, baby, burn.

- T.G.I.F.

She came out like

that was her last dance.

- [laughs]

- When she was dancing around,

it definitely took some flight

with the air into it.

It was hot, love it.

- Yes, is it something

you would wear?

- No, but I liked it, yeah.

- No? [laughs]

At number nine,

it's Jiggly Caliente

working her '80s retro look.

- Grey Jell-O never looked

so good.

[laughter]

There was the Missy Elliot

video where they, like,

pumped her full of air.

- Right, right.

- Sickening, and that gave me,

very much, that sort of feel.

I live for Jiggly.

I think she's amazing.

In the number eight spot,

it's Latrice Royale

in royal blue.

Ooh, now I love that dress.

I love the color of that blue

with the color of her skin.

And was living for

an asymmetrical silhouette.

- True, true goddess.

Voluptuous, beautiful.

I love that her eye shadow

matched the gown.

She wore it impeccably.

- I just can't believe

how beautiful

Michael Clarke Duncan

looks...gorgeous.

- He's done really well

for himself.

- He really has.

- Yes, he has.

At number seven,

Phi Phi O'Hara,

survivor of the RuPocalypse.

Very [indistinct].

- It was like Waterworld

meets, like,

Xena: Warrior Princess.

And I loved that when she

walked,

it was very much, like,

"I know I'm the sh*t.

It's cool."

- Bushmeat

never looked so good.

- [laughs]

- I live for the attitude,

the confidence, the silhouette.

It had a purpose.

And she ex*cuted it very well.

- You didn't think it was

a little too roadkill?

- It gave me beaver

on the side of the road.

But, you know,

who doesn't love a good beaver?

- That's true.

- Especially

on the side of the road.

- You're absolutely right.

Number six, Dida Ritz...

serving gold and gams.

Very Fritz Lang Metropolis.

- The Walmart version.

I wouldn't personally wear it,

because I'm not that cheeky.

With her skin tone,

gold is absolutely amazing.

Her having legs for days,

she can really pull off

a look like that.

- Coming in at number five,

Chad Michaels'

renaissance realness.

Lady Chatterley.

- Gorgeous,

the dog days are gone.

- I think she was Joan Of Arc

in her former life.

- [laughs]

At number four,

little Kenya Michaels

is pretty in pink.

Oh, look at her.

- If Nicki had a my size Barbie,

that would be her.

- [laughs]

- Definitely.

- She's so adorable.

She's just, like, a little doll.

I wanna pick her up

and squeeze her till she pees.

- [laughs]

- I still have to question if

everything is down there still.

She is true, true Walmart fish.

She really is.

- [laughs]

At number three,

it's Sharon Needles,

serving drastic plastic chic.

- What drag queen does not love

a good battery acid

chemical peel?

- I love the "Madonna two weeks

before the Super Bowl" look.

- [laughs]

- Sharon has such

an incredible ability

to me to take something so odd

and make it so chic

and ugly-beautiful.

- The number two fits in fashion

is Willam's tummy troubles.

- [vomiting]

- I say, "Bitch, that's what you

get for eating solid food."

- Agreed.

- It's obvious somebody still

has their gag reflex.

She's giving blonde trash

everywhere a bad name.

- [laughs]

- Tara Reid

would be proud though.

- Tara Reid would be proud.

- You're absolutely right

about that.

- And now, if I may, Ru,

the number one most sickening

fits and fashion belongs to...

oh, you know, it's not just one.

It's 11 timeless looks.

- I think I know

where this is going.

- And the winner is...

RuPaul!

Roll tape.

[growling]

Oops, uh-oh,

I think I just got fired.

Roll the other tape.

- Chanel,

which one of my outfits

was your favorite?

- I have to say with the

feathers...the blue feathers.

Like, May West had

a RuPaul drag baby.

- I, of course,

love absolutely all of them.

- Yes, that goes with saying.

- It's a toss-up between

the best little Ruhouse

in Texas look.

- Yes, yes.

- Or the very flowing, like,

Barbie meets Mrs. Roper look.

- Yes, yes, I love that.

- Gorgeous.

- Gorgeous, gorgeous.

I'm not gonna

leave you out, Mariah.

- I have to pick

the emerald green.

I wanted to

ease on down the road,

and snatch it right out

of your closet.

- Oh, my goodness.

I'd give it you, but I just

don't want to see it on eBay.

[laughter]

All right,

just between us girls,

who do you think should be

crowned

America's next drag superstar?

Chanel?

- Chad Michaels.

He's so seasoned.

And he's so professional.

And he's a perfectionist

in every single thing he does.

- Pandora?

- I would really love to see

Sharon Needles take the title.

Because I think

she's so different

than any of the previous winners

that she would really

just take it to a whole,

different, crazy, spooky level.

And I love it.

- Mariah?

- My pick has to be

Phi Phi O'Hara.

She's definitely hungry.

She has the fire.

The attitude is channeled

the right way.

She can just sear

right through the competition.

- Well, ladies,

you'll have to wait

just like everyone else

to find out

who's crowned America's

next drag superstar.

Now, before you go,

there's a little thank you gift

under your seat.

- [gasps]

Look it.

- It's RuPaul's Drag Race

Iron Fist shoes.

- It's a petite size 12,

just like me.

- I just want

to make love to it.

- I love that.

- Cute little kitten heel

to go play around in.

- [meows]

- Strap on some attitude, girls.

Welcome back to the Glamazon

edition of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Next week,

it's att*ck of the Glamazons,

as Chad Michaels,

Phi Phi O'Hara,

and Sharon Needles

battle it out

for the title of America's

next drag superstar,

and walk away with a lifetime

supply of NYX cosmetics,

and a one of a kind trip

courtesy of alandchuck.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race tour,

featuring cocktails

perfected by Absolut,

and a cash prize of $100,000

in the over-the-top extravaganza

that you won't want to miss.

The time has come for us to take

an up and close personal look

at the final three.

- Well, hello, hello.

all: Hi.

- How are y'all doing?

- A Chicago showgirl,

Phi Phi O'Hara is a feisty

firecracker...

- Don't be jealous of my boogie.

With the will to win...

- I want to look like a hot

Miami piece of ass.

- You look like it to me.

- Good.

- Hungry and ambitious...

- You're damn right I'm hungry.

You all should be hungry.

- She always brings

her A game.

- If the final say-so happened

today, you would win.

- Oh, hell no!

- Phi phi fierce

ruled the wrestling ring.

[cheering]

- Now, I'm gonna show you how

to really b*at a mug, bitch.

- And her fighting spirit

caused a few rumbles

in the workroom as well.

- At least I am

a showgirl, bitch.

Go back to Party City,

where you belong.

But Phi Phi also revealed

a softer side.

- I wish I had a dad

like him to accept me

for everything that I am.

- Do you think your father

will watch this show?

- Probably not.

And that's okay.

I'm fine with that.

I hope he values...

like, who I am.

I'm a good person.

- I really want you

to have my phone call.

I really wanted to win it

for you.

- Honey, thank you so much.

- Yeah.

- Phi Phi O'Hara has a magic

combination of talent,

beauty, and ambition.

But, is it enough

to take her to the very top?

- Morning, b*tches.

- What's up?

- Hi, everybody.

- Let's turn back time

on Miss Chad Michaels.

A world-class Cher impersonator.

- Cher comes to her for tips.

- This is one of many natural

hair colors

that I'll be wearing tonight.

[laughter]

I'm Cher, bitch.

- Throughout the competition...

- You want some of this?

We got plenty for you too.

- This dark lady has proven...

- Oh, oh, drop it like it's hot.

- That she's much more

than a gypsy.

- I am from California.

More specifically, the Shady

Acres Trailer Park on Doheny

between Weho and Beverly Hills.

- Tramp...

- What a jerk.

- And a thief.

- What made you think that

we could get away with

sneaking into a nut farm

in the middle of the night?

- Having accomplished

so much in her career,

will the next feather

in this half-breed's headdress

be the title of America's

next drag superstar?

[cheering]

- Sharon Needles arrived

as the freaky underdog.

- I look spooky,

but I'm really not.

- And her spooky-drag persona

set her apart from the start.

- Oh, she's bleeding.

- Goodness.

- Somebody call a dentist.

- She didn't hit off

with the other girls initially.

- I think a lot of the girls

here think I'm a one-trick pony.

You know, I'm just a spook,

monster girl.

- Just put some white powder

on your face and look gothic.

That's all we need you to do.

- But Sharon soon won over the

judges with her edgy aesthetic.

- I didn't even get the name

right away.

- All in the past, Miss Cole.

- Okay?

You know, so I'm right there

with you, but anyway.

- All right, well, yes.

- But she was plagued

by nagging guilt

over her boyfriend back home.

- She's auditioned

all four years,

and then I try out one time

and, you know, here I am.

I feel guilty about it

all the time.

- But Sharon rose above

and kept on winning.

- Condragulations.

Condragulations.

Condragulations.

- Yes.

- You are the winner

of this challenge.

[applause]

She showed the judges

that she could diversify

her dark-sided drag.

But always stayed true

to her own unique style.

- You look like you

came out of Italian Vogue.

- Ooh.

- From spooky to unspookable,

does Sharon Needles

have the fright stuff

to be America's

next drag superstar?

The top three girls,

the best of the best.

So which of these amazing queens

has the charisma,

uniqueness,

nerve, and talent

to be America's

next drag superstar?

Let's consult the stars.

Tell us what the future holds,

Madame Visage.

- Chad Michaels.

Chad Michaels is a Pisces,

and fish always do well

in this competition.

I predict Chad Michaels will be

America's next drag superstar.

- Oh, spoil alert.

Well, what's the story

for the others?

- Sharon Needles is a Leo

with Scorpio rising

and panties dropping.

I see it now.

Sharon Needles

will win this competition.

- Wait a minute,

I thought you said

Chad Michaels was gonna win.

- What, you...what?

You don't question

Madame Visage, girl.

Hold the celestial phone.

Phi Phi O'Hara

is a double-jointed Virgo.

As see it as clear

as a Lucite hooker-heel.

Phi Phi O'Hara is the winner

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

- Don't quit your day job,

Madame Visage.

What you say about my boob job?

- Well, what is crystal clear

is this competition

has never been so close.

And, with a cash prize

of $100,000,

next week's final challenge

promises to be the most

pressure-filled

and surprising

in Drag Race history.

You won't want to miss a moment.

Until next week...

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell are you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

- Amen.

- All right.

Let the music play.
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